December 30, 2009

• The Time I Met Frank Sinatra Jr.

  So I am back at the library...well I was yesterday as well which is why those who commented on my last post got replies.  The funny thing about the library across the street from my home is that I think they have more DVDs, CDs, VHS tapes, and audiobooks than they have regular books.  Most everything I read lately, I have to put out a special order to have another library ship it.  They only have two computers.  You don't need a library card, just have to be over 18 to use the internet unless you have a parent's permission.  Yesterday, I went to use the internet so I could attempt to reply to those who left me well wishes.  The good thing is there are no "sex blocks" on those computers.  I get over there and notice that two people are using them so I have to wait.  I made small talk with the librarians and then a young Amish boy comes in and politely asks to use the Internet.  Damn...the Amish are online.  Immediately I began to think that I will have to go back and delete all my negative entries on the Amish but the librarian asked how old he was and apparently being 17 means you aren't able to handle the power of the mighty intertubes in my small Wisconsin town.  There are people there that still can't handle going over 25 mph in their cars because they fear that their faces will be ripped by the wind.  You know, it's too bad the Amish can't do the Electric Slide. OK, the two people that were on the computers...what is the best way to describe them...dirty white trash?  That is about the best I can come up with.  First off, I need to ask, who goes out in public wearing sweat pants that haven't been washed in ages and that are full of holes?  I don't think these two people had showered in days, maybe weeks.  The smell was rank.  My eyes were watering.  I know I don't smell like roses especially not after I cook chili but this was awful.  I swear this was this mist of foul odors hanging about following the sweat pants clad people.  They got up and the scent didn't leave with them.  It was everywhere.  The librarian came in and sprayed down with lysol while they were checking out.  I don't think they felt embarrassed.  Oh and remember when I said that my library has so many movies?  Well the sweat pants posse checked out at least 30 DVDs.  I guess a free DVD rental beats going to the store and renting one for one day for $1.  Now I am back in La Crosse.  I am thinking of checking out the minor league baseball team's headquarters and seeing if they need any help this summer.  I have the perfect body for umping or coaching or drinking huge amounts of beer.  They do have the all you can eat and drink section at their stadium called THE LUMBERYARD!(their team name is the Loggers).  Oh great, it's snowing. 

  I think the people who hold up lighters at rock concerts are just too lazy to bring molotov cocktails.

  Don't judge a book by it's cover, but do judge a person by their Facebook status.

  A Matador *isn't* a Mexican door mat? No wonder that hombre got mad when I wiped my feet on him.

  My pet turtle has been trying to break dance on it's back for three weeks now.

  Try drinking a 5th of Dewar's and walking a straight line. Now THAT'S Hop-Scotch!

  Being addicted to Oxycontin is what I call an "Oxymoron".

  I'm certain that the song "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" is a reference to genital herpes.

  I saw a show called "What Not To Wear". Easy, a condom.

  I'd like to think that burning sensations are a subtle warning from God that you're a sinner.

  I forgot to tell everyone my secret to growing tomatoes.  The only reason I remember is because yesterday I had a conversation with my neighbor about it.  I have found out that the secret to getting the tomatotes to get their reddest is to flash them.  That's right; you go out to your garden and drop your pants and wave your willy at them and I think the reason they turn red is because they are blushing.  Well one of my female neighbors saw me doing this and she asked what I was doing.  I explained and she thought she may try that.  Well running into her yesterday I asked how her garden turned out.  She said that when she flashed the tomatoes nothing happened but she said her carrots were huge.

  Frank Sintara Jr. played at my casino and afterward he had drinks in the bar.  I had a drink with the chairboy of the board.

  

  
   

  • 2:26 PM
  • 13 Comments