Thursday, 31 May 2012

• Bill Clinton Facts

  You've probably heard about Bill Clinton appearing in Monaco this past week and having his photo taken with a couple of porn stars.  It got me thinking...Bill Clinton is the man and is such a pimp.  He is the Commander of Pimping.
  

  
  The guy really has it.
  

  Well it got me thinking.  We laud praise upon Chuck Norris but we fail to recognize all that Bill Clinton has done for the world so here are some Bill Clinton facts.
  
  

  • Bill Clinton once told Chuck Norris "I feel your pain" and Chuck Norris turned to dust.
  • Bill Clinton does not know you personally but there's a 99% chance he feels your pain.
  • Bill Clinton once hosted the Grammy's and he gave every award to the Marshall Tucker Band.
  • Bill Clinton was the fifth Beatle, the tenth member of the Fellowship of the Ring, and he wrote Primary Colors but being the humble person that Bill Clinton is he just shrugs and says, "aww shucks".
  • Bill Clinton is ranked #15 in the AP Football poll.
  • The only thing that can beat Bill Clinton is Spaghettios but the Constitution has strong outlines against canned food products running for office.
  • Bill Clinton ejaculates tax reductions for the middle class.
  • Bill Clinton was the hardest-working President of the United States and the hardest working-President of the United States.
  • The distance from the earth to the moon can be measured with Bill Clinton's penis.
  • The cartoon Scooby Doo is based on Bill Clinton's early days as a lawyer.  The only difference is that all the people in the gang were hot chicks and instead of running from monsters Bill and his harem of hot chick crime fighters had orgies.
  • Bill Clinton knows how to cheat at every single video game ever made but he doesn't need to cheat because he's so good.
  • Bill Clinton is worshiped in small islands all over the Pacific.
  • Bill Clinton can hit home runs without using a baseball bat.
  • Bill Clinton has a self-lubricating penis.  Why do you think they called him Slick Willy?
  • Sometimes when the moon is full, Bill Clinton turns into a rabid bear and he deals with Congress harshly when they won't pass his bills.
  • The BP Oil Spill is a metaphor for Bill Clinton's sex life.
  • Human beings are 80% water.  Bill Clinton's body is 80% semen and 20% liquid gold.
  • Bill Clinton once drank a glass full of LSD and fell asleep for 6 straight months.  When he woke up, Bill said, "I prefer vodka."
    
  • Bill Clinton's semen can form into a liquid human like the guy from Terminator 2.
  • During his time as president, Bill Clinton was on a strict diet and got 95% of his daily protein allotment from performing cunnilingus on the interns.
  • Every time an American masturbated, Bill Clinton lowered the national debt by $1.
  • Bill Clinton can make a woman climax simply by smiling and winking at her.
  • Superman wears Bill Clinton pajamas.
  • The Big Bang is always worried about losing it's name whenever Bill Clinton invites multiple women to his house.
  • Bill Clinton was the inspiration for the movie "Predator".
  • Bill Clinton is so brilliant he can eat an unsolved Rubik's Cube and crap it out solved.
  • Bill Clinton jumped off the Empire State Building and all he got was a sprained ankle.
  • Bill Clinton framed Roger Rabbit.
  • If you put a phonograph needle on Bill Clinton's nipples it will play Al Green's "Let's Stay Together".
  • Satan sold his soul to Bill Clinton for a tax cut.
  • Bill Clinton's family crest is a photo of Johnny Cash riding a barracuda that's eating an elephant
  • The character Johnny Appleseed was based on Bill Clinton but changed to planting apple trees instead of having sex with women.
  • Bill Clinton is the actual Pimp of the World
  • If you play "Stairway to Heaven" backwards you will hear Bill Clinton's inauguration speech.
  • The video game Grand Theft Auto is based on Bill Clinton's childhood.
  • When Bill Clinton gets pulled over for speeding, he lets the police officer off with a warning.
  • All of Bill Clinton's genes are dominant.
  • Bill Clinton's poop is used as currency in France.
  • Bill Clinton became a vegetarian not because it's better for his heart or because he loves animals.  Bill Clinton despises plants.
  • Bill Clinton doesn't teabag people, he potato sacks them.
  • Bill Clinton wants the people of Wisconsin to vote for Tom Barrett.
  • Bill Clinton is the definition of "is".

  
  So are there any facts about Bill Clinton that you've heard that I missed?
  

  • 10:36 AM
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