Matching up Sheen's quotes to the cats brings sense to his words. For that, I hate you because I want to find Sheen repulsive, and I'm actually liking him, now. (just kidding; I don't really hate you like it sounds; just wanting to play around a little, here, and find something to write about)
For the answer as to why Charlie has never been locked up, I offer this: Martin Sheen. Not that he has anything to do with it directly, but people just have too much love and respect for the guy (and dammit, they should) than to embarrass him further than his son already has by arresting said son and creating even more press.
Of course, that's just a theory. I find it plausible, however, because every time that dumbass boy opens his mouth I imagine Martin Sheen wincing at the absurdity of that which spills forth from it.
BTW, that's a beautiful parrot you have sitting on your shoulder. Can it type?