TMZ.com is reporting that portions of two tracks of Britney Spears’ upcoming album have been leaked.  I couldn’t resist listening to what Mother Dearest has to sing about these days.

Track 1 threw me off within the first three words.  I do think this track is Britney singing but it feels like it isn’t because the singer is coherent.  I just don’t know what to think.  It actually sounds like it could be a hit and I hate to admit that.

Track 2 does not sound like Britney whatsoever.  If it is they had to speed up her vocals because I just can’t imagine she can hit some of those notes.  Listening to this song all I could think was Britney dancing around with orange skin and green hair.  To me this song sounds like maybe Brit is channeling her inner Willy Wonka and dedicating the album to the Oompa Loompas.  Why is it that I can actually see Britney believing there are such things as Oompa Loompas? 

Britney has expressed that she wants everyone to be shocked by her next album and her upcoming VMA performance.  Hmmm….hasn’t she shocked us with her wardrobe and lack of parenting skills?  Oh, I guess that kind of shock doesn’t sell albums but makes people think she is crazy.  Crazy enough to wear something like this in public:

First off let me start by saying that in one of my previous postings I posted some links and warned people not to go there.  Well in case you are wondering if you should open Pandorra’s box and visit the sites I will tell you what they were.  The first link was some random women from a magazine from the UK posing topless.  The second post was of a rather well endowed female bouncing up and down.  The third link was a video of porn star Crave aka Jaimee Foxworth who played Judy Winslow on Family Matters.  Yes, that is a good one.

It’s Thursday…that means CRAPPY TATTOO REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!
(may contain some nudity)

One of the most recent trends in tattooing has been Chinese symbols.  I really don’t think that people should get Chinese symbols unless they can read the symbol.  I have heard of American tourists going to China and getting these symbols thinking they are saying strength or wisdom or some other attribute the person supposedly possesses, but the tattoo artist actually tattoos a symbol meaning pervert, stupid, or retarded. By the way I thought this symbol was funny because it means Chinese symbol.

I thought this was a pretty cool tattoo until I learned it wasn’t a tattoo.  This is a skin carving.  There is a new movement in which people are getting shapes and pictures like the one above carved into their skin with the hopes of it scarring.  I think this is even dumber than tattoos.

This little tattoo, well it makes me chuckle every time.

I think Bugs Bunny should have washed his hands before eating that carrot seeing what hole he is coming out of. 

Oh it is so bad.  Why do people feel it necessary to tattoo things like this on their bodies.  Can you imagine what this will look like in 10 years? 20 years? 30 years?  Also would women go for a guy with a tattoo like this?  Sad thing is I bet they would, well sorority skanks will but real women like what I want wouldn’t.

More sex tattoos.  In all the years of watching Gumby I never remember this episode nor do I remember Gumby having junk.  I think he was naked in that show because he never wore clothes but he had no jimmy jammer.  I guess I now fully understand how Pokey got his name, and it isn’t just because he is slow.

This tattoo fully sums up U.S. foreign policy.  Thanks, Steve-O.

Ah, another classic belly button involved tattoo.  I began thinking about what this person would have to say about this tattoo in 20 years.  I think The Simpsons have become so iconic that if people see this tattoo in 20 years they won’t have to ask who that is. 

Oh no! Wolverine is shredding through that guy’s leg and he is going to get me.  Wait, that is just a nerdy tattoo.

I love arm band barbwire tattoos.  This is the best tattoo ever.  Combining two of my favorite things.  I want to break out in song:  WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS 

So can you point out the homosexual subtext to this tattoo?

This one is pretty clever.  If I didn’t have such horrible skin I would go out and get one similar to this.  I would also have to find someone to thank….now I’m depressed.  Have a good day.

The media has been blowing up in recent weeks with coverage of the ongoing Michael Vick saga.  He did plead guilty to charges but the language was rather ambiguous that it might not actually imply he had anything to do with the fighting.  It is almost as if he was pleading no contest.  To me, it appears that Michael Vick set some of his childhood friends up in a rather lush house because they knew him before he was famous.  Then they needed work so Vick bankrolled their dog fighting business, if you can call it that.  Vick eventually got into the fighting and began making decisions and killing the useless dogs.  Of course this is just how it appears to me.  I am not convicting Vick or sentencing him but the evidence really appears as if he was a major part of the operations.

Some day the dogs will get their revenge.

Vick is losing a lot of money.  Hopefully he spent and invested wisely.  The Atlanta Falcons want $22 million back because of his violations to his contract.  I don’t think any of the brands he sponsors have kept him as a spokesman.

Michael Vick’s new jersey will soon be flying off the shelves.

This is a new chew toy that has been marketed in the past few weeks. 

Yes, the dogs are getting their revenge!  I have read that the ASPCA of Atlanta has received hundreds and maybe thousands of Vick jerseys that they have used to make bedding for dogs in the shelters. 

Hopefully Vick never crosses this dog’s path.

I strongly feel that Michael Vick has played his last game in the NFL.  It is possible that when he is released from prison he might be able to play again unless the commissioner of the NFL steps in and bans Vick from the game for life, which I think is appropriate for this crime.  He was never a superior quarterback but he brought a lot of excitement to the game and could basically make any play a highlight play on ESPN.  The Falcons never dominated while he was their quarterback.  I could see Vick playing running back for 30 teams in the NFL but of course he will be near 30 when he gets out of prison so don’t expect it.  Vick is done. If Vick’s career was a dog in the dog fighting community he would be soaked in water and then shocked with a cattle prod and if he was still alive, he would be strangled to death.  Hopefully he did find Jesus as he claims and learns from all this.

The last few days I have been somewhat sick.  It always happens to me when the weather jumps from one extreme to the other.  One day it is barely getting in the 60s and then the next it is in the 90s.  It really wreaks havoc on my body and my sinuses.  I am one big ache today.  I just hurt all over.

I haven’t done a comic entry in some time so here goes

So is this supposed to be Iwo Jima or Germany?  I know the pose is Iwo Jima which is Japan therefore Hitler wouldn’t be there.  Also what is up with the zombie like creature next to dead Hitler?  This is another of the great What-If books that Marvel put out.  Personally I never thought about this topic because I was lead to believe, by Captain America comics, that Captain America single-handedly won World War 2.

So when are you coming out of the closet, Batman?  Batman, it isn’t the size that matters.

Worst cross-over ever

So here is another gay comic cover featuring one of the Dynamic Duo.  A boy wants Robin.  I always thought the Batman comic had ancient Greek overtones to it.  Batman “tutors” a young boy and they live together and do everything together and now in this comic Robin is going to have to wrap his package and deliver it to this boy.  Sick. 

Superman, you dick.  You must have a small penis because you always overcompensate by bringing in things that are bigger.  Also this was Batman’s feeble attempt to prove he isn’t gay.

Rainbow?  Isn’t that the symbol for Gay Pride?

Catman was an obvious rip-off of Batman.  Just to clear that up right away.  I just love how he is holding the machine gun by the barrel and the three Germans are just so scared.  Hell I would be scared too if a guy dressed as a cat broke down a brick wall and grabbed my machine gun.  SIGH…all these Batman cartoons are making me sound gay.

WOW!  Racism abounds here.  Just look at the Japanese with their slanted eyes and buckteeth and pencil thin moustaches.  Bucky is your all-American boy next door.  Toro is a flamer…gayness abounds in comics what can I say.  Knuckles is your stereotypical drunken Irish brawler.  Whitewash…hell I won’t even go there.  Jeff is the brain and Tubby solves problems by eating.  Seriously why aren’t there any Captain Wonder movies?  And people thought Don Imus was offensive.

FINALLY!!!!!!!! Something straight.  This takes me back to high school.  A group of guys were having a snowball fight with a group of girls.  One of the guys in our group went running after a girl and anyway he ended up slipping on the snow and to break his fall he put his hands out and grabbed one of the girls’ breasts.  She came down with him and then she slapped him and punched him, giving him a bloody nose in the process.  Ah, the good old days! (It wasn’t me)

I am still in awe that the people of Smallville didn’t figure it out.  Also confusing about this cover is the fact that Superboy is saying he is a meal fit for a king and a queen.  Two things about that: first, the people eating the meal are two men and I guess queen is a term for homosexual men; second, Superboy is saying what a big meal he is, therefore proving again that he has a tiny penis.  One more thing, weren’t the Kents farmers?  Maybe they got into some wacky hijinx because of their son and had to become a butler and maid.

Aquaman? a dick?  or maybe he is just another in the long line of male lovers that Batman has loved over the years?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  Rainbows, people back then were so innocent.

Until next time enjoy this, to help make you straight….don’t go there if you teach Kindergarten.

I like beer.

Jodie Sweetin with her new love interest is starting to look happy and healthy and finally meth free.

Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz….well she looks the complete opposite of Jodie Sweetin

Hahahahaha because they commit suicide to get to heaven.  For those that don’t understand there is a popular adult website called Suicide Girls.  It is an alternative (in the good sense) porn site.  The girls are girls you wouldn’t expect to be posing nude.  The ones all pierced up and tattooed and basically the girls you see working at music stores and are so in love with but you can’t say anything to them because you are intimidated by them.

Even Darth Vader has started hiring illegal immigrants.

Wow, kittens can be downright naughty.  Lick that pussy.  You see I say that because another name for a cat is pussy therefore by yelling, “Lick that pussy” I am refering to the cat licking the other cat and nothing sexual.  I guess having to explain it makes me seem like a giant nerd and pervert.

This is another reason why I only lasted one year in wrestling

This is why I am a fan of volleyball

Here’s hoping your weekend is as good as this guy’s.

So I am a fan of Jenna Jameson.  There I said it.  She was probably one of the most famous female porn stars of our time.  Jenna wasn’t just a porn star but more like an entrepreneur.  She went from stripping to become one of porn’s highest paid performers.  Can you believe she made millions to have sex?  She then did the unthinkable in the porn industry: she got married.  This single act many consider her Waterloo.  She would only perform straight sex with her husband but she soon became famous for her roles in all female pornos.  Yes, Jenna was at the top of the world.  She was in Extreme Championship Wrestling and even had a role in Howard Stern’s Private Parts.  Then she and her husband divorced and now she is dating steroid freak and UFC fighter Tito Ortiz.  Lately Jenna looks like hell.  I hate to speculate but maybe she has picked up some disease or is addicted to a laundry list of drugs.

Some pictures may be a little sexy for work or school so please view with caution.  I tried to find as many pictures of the old Jenna with clothes on and not in a sexual act, well I’ll say it was a daunting task. 

This is Jenna today:

This is the Jenna I remember:

Jenna you need to go on my diet.  Dump the hero and get a zero.  I am willing to date you and help you return to greatness.

It’s Thursday which means one more day until I drink at The Sand Bar.  It also means a tattoo review. 

The eagle is probably a little too much.  I wonder if this is taken at some sort of Pride event?  Chances are it was.  I don’t care if he wants to tattoo naked guys and penises all over himself but just get rid of that eagle.  It is too much.

This is actually pretty clever but I still have to file this tattoo under the “This will look like hell in 30 years” file.  I don’t even want to think what this will look like in 30 years.  Yes, I know it is a guy but come on, guys have changes to their chestal region as well.

So this is one of the best portraits I have ever seen in tattoo form, too bad it is of Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell.  No, this isn’t my leg.  The leg probably belongs to Dennis Haskins.  You ask who is this Dennis Haskins, well check it out right here. 

Anarchists beware!  When you want to get your anti-establishment tattoo the first thing you need to do is make sure it is SPELLED CORRECTLY!  How can this guy be taken seriously?  Yes, I dislike the current governmenst but I won’t tattoo it on myself.  Wait…that should be government and not governmenst.  Luckily I have spell check and more importantly a brain that allows me to know how to spell government correctly.

Someone has a future destined for tech support.

That guy is so white. 

I would like to entitle this picture “How I wasted a fortune of money and ruined my future”

Thursday special: Random Funny Pictures

Whichever member of the paparazzi took this photo, they should be given the Pulitzer and Noble Prizes.  I think this photo best describes the news from this summer.

This one also made headlines for doing lines and traveling over the line.

So I found this in one of the motels I stayed at this summer.  Well actually I didn’t but I thought it would be an amusing little anecdote like all the little cute lies pastors tell in their sermons.  Seriously how many little boys walk by churches with dead parrots and how many pastors have taken youth group canoe trips past nude beaches?  Anyway now I have made myself feel lonely.  Even the stickmen get more than I do.  Sigh, blog you are my only love.  Well I look forward to a whole lot of nothing.

More rain. Less sleep.  No job.

This is why I don’t want to grow old.

Colleges and universities will soon be starting classes and signs like this one will find their way into dorms nationwide.

Maybe I should work for the evil empire.

Seriously, who didn’t see this coming.  If I worked at Wal-mart I could either get a discount or steal one.

Face it, we Americans are dumb.

We are also racist.

Well I am going to try to get some sleep, but before I go to bed I think I may just have my house servant bring my a drink.

The other day I was surfing around the world wide web.  This internet thing is spectacular.  I don’t think it is a fad and this thing will be around for quite some time.  Well I was looking for children’s books, creepy ones at that.  I remember the fascinating opus called Everyone Poops in the library at my anal retentive college.  Yes, it is amazing that German Lutherans have such stringent rules yet they believe that a book about defecating is appropriate for library material.  I do have a feeling that the book I found entitled, Alfie’s Home written by Richard Cohen, will not hit their shelves any time soon.

So I have been gone for some time.  Between getting screwed by Martin Luther College, taking a trip to Illinois, watching all the rain fall, and looking for work, I have been busy.  Oh yeah I forgot to mention drinking beer.  One of the recent days I was traveling through Madison coming back from a job interview.  I just wanted to check out sites and boy I saw some weird sites.  I was watching what appeared to be a metal video being filmed and then I looked across the street and saw this:

Some guys dressed as super heroes were doing some fanboy stuff.  I was just thinking maybe a comic book store was trying make some promotional posters and they hired these guys to do the work. 

I saw this one and was thinking, well, Spiderman is embracing Venom.  I was somewhat taken back but it was understandable.  Maybe it was a comic book store’s way to promote the recent Spiderman movie.

WTF!  Robin kissing Superman?  This is where it got strange as if it wasn’t strange enough before.

More Robin and Superman liplocking as Batman takes pictures.

And then there was this.  I did edit out some of the gayness but not all.  Apparently it was a set of a gay porn movie right across the street from a heavy metal music video shoot.  Yeah Spiderman getting head from Robin.  I just don’t know about this stuff.
Actually this didn’t happen to me but to a fellow blogger.  I thought it would be funny to report.

Spandex should be outlawed or at least made for people who won’t put me to shame.

I hope the rest your summer isn’t as revealing or surprising as this.