So I didn't do a round up last week because I was depressed and celebrities tend to not make asses of themselves around thanksgiving.  Anyway here goes for an extra long edition.

Two notes for Shia Lebeouf.  First, never EVER go in public eating a banana.  It looks, how do I put this lightly: GAY.  Second, stay away from Walgreens.  I don't care how drunk you are, when they kick you out you stay out.  You see Shia, was a little tipsy and he decided a great place to go drunk was Walgreens.  Well the Walgreens employees didn't appreciate all the shenanigans that Shia and his friends were pulling in the store so they called the police and said he was trespassing.  Poor Shia now has a record.  So what do we learn: No bananas, no Walgreens.

I shall call her mini-me.  Now which one is the mini version?  Amy, I love you.

Brooke Hogan is no longer looking masculine. I guess that is what breast implants do to a young lady.

Katie Holmes has debuted a new haircut.  I think she is trying to tell us that Tom isn't the only freak in the family.  Is it me or does she look like the guy from the Skittles Berry and Cream ads?  "berries and cream berries and cream, Katie looks like a little lad who likes berries and cream."

David Copperfield still possesses a magical spell over Claudia Schiffer.  He made her bra disappear.

See I am not really into the teen music seen but this is Ashley Tisdale.  She messed up her performance at the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree but she made up for it with this picture.  That bad performance is behind her and I am sure her career will perk up.

Sad news from the world of science this past week, Bill Nye the science guy is getting divorced.  Apparently splitting atoms are less explosive than splitting marriages because the only news here is that they are divorcing.  Here I was hoping for a story that Bill created a functional Real Doll and his wife caught him in the act.  God I have seen too many soap operas.

X-tina is the most recent pregnant celebrity to show off her half naked body on the cover of a magazine.  You know she is really showing for only telling people she was pregnant less than a month ago.  I am just worried that if she has a son that he is going to have conflicted thoughts.  I have to go to the next story before I start having some thoughts.

Jennifer Love Hewitt just got engaged.  Then to celebrate she went on vacation and decided to flash her ass to the world.  Say what you will about size and...umm...texture...I love it.  If you disagree with me then how about you send me a picture of your ass and let me be the judge...PLEASE!!!!!!!!!  Anyway this picture reminds me of an argument I had with a pious roommate in college.  We were watching Family Matters before class one day and a commercial for Hydroxycut came on and the image was of this booty that was similiar to JLH and I was in love and my roommate said it was gross and well we went back and forth about asses.  Apparently it is sinful to agree with Sir Mix-a-lot. 

Speaking of asses, I thought Nick Lachey was an ass for dropping Jessica Simpson but then I saw this photo of Vanessa Minnillio.  Oh yeah, Nick you are one lucky bastard.

Pop quiz, hot shot:  which one is Glenn Close?

Here is Linday Lohan sans bra.  She is looking good now that she has cleaned up....HOLD UP....she has been spotted drinking in bars.  Like I didn't see that coming.  I knew rehab couldn't hold her back.  All she needs is to get her nose involved and then it's back to the good old days of drunk driving, car hijacking, and vag flashing.  PARTY!!!!

Kim Kar-trash-ian is back in the news.  No she isn't release a third sex tape.  She hasn't been getting bus-ay on tape but she has been busy lying up a storm.  Apparently, Kim has been telling people that she had $50,000 worth of jewlery and electronics stolen from her at JFK airport.  There was no police report filed so the airport officials are saying it is nothing more than a hoax.  You know what the real hoax is?  That Kim Kardashian has a sense of fashion.  Also her giant ass is unreal. 

Hayden Panetteire gives us a whole new view of her acting ability.  I really enjoy this girl.  This is the most controversial shot she has given.  She also has a warrant out for her arrest.  If she starts singing soulful jazz you better look out, Amy.

This one is for the ladies.  Harry Potter or as he is really known Daniel Radcliffe is starring in a play entitled Equus.  In the play he is nude like every scene.  The reason why I am posting this picture, well in Britain I guess they aren't uptight with nudity, in fact some of their daily newspapers have daily nudes but when he started the role he was 17.  Now that he is legal the photos can be released here in America and not be classified as illegal porn.  So ladies indulge yourself.  I am a little freaked knowing what Harry Potter's magic wand looks like. 
   
A celebrity round up is incomplete with out mention of this trainwreck.  There has been a lot in the news about Britney.  First, she may be pregnant.  Rumors are flying because she is talking of having another child and she said that another child would center her.  How about a trip to a mental health facility?  So who is the possible father?  JR Totem who helped work on her recent album was sent a text message by in touch magazine saying that Britney was pregnant and he was the father and he replied it's true and then said she may not keep it.  Another possibility is K-Fed.  They are taking classes and are reported as being very friendly.  In either case let's hope it isn't true.  She also tried contacting a Chinese adoption agency in order to adopt babies from China but apparently they know how f'ed up she is over there and also it is policy that the Chinese government will not let single people adopt.  Another story that has come out is that Britney has a sex dungeon and she is into dildos, lube, ticklers, furry handcuffs hanging from a metal bedframe, whips, mirrored ceilings, spanking paddles, catholic school girl outfits, maid costumes, a Cinderella costume, and kitten costumes.  All Britney is missing is one other girl and a cup.  K-Fed's lawyers are turning this against her by claiming that her children have been seen carrying around the dildos because Britney leaves them all over the house.  For awhile I was starting to think that I may like to meet Britney but hearing about her kids playing with her toys....no that is bad.  I think this is one of those unrevealed reasons why she lost custody of her kids.  Also a court appointed watch dog is set to declare her house a health hazard because of fecal matter left by dogs and humans all over the place and stains from diaper changing all over the couch.  Britney also needs police escorts to get coffee at Starbucks.  She complains about all the attention but it has been reported that she calls paparazzi to tell them where she is going.  She has brought all this upon herself.  Finally, look at how she sexes herself up to go out on the town.  I think Britney is an unofficial spokesperson for Target's pajamas. 

Well keep it real.  I need to go get rid of images of Britney and whips and schoolgirl costume out of my mind and that is where beer comes in handy.

I guess I am over my little depression thing.  Sometimes I get my hopes on certain things and then I have them busted when I realize they will not come to fruition.  I feel like my life has passed me by.  I don't know what is in store for me but I guess there are things I will have to live without.  Anyway, here are some crappy tattoos.

Great, now the hipsters are getting tattoos.  Thank god I am out of my Pabst phase.  No more cheap beer for me unless it is beer that is referred to as the Champagne of Beers or the PBR of Minnesota.

There are three totally hot things in this photo.  The first two are the girls' stomachs.  I don't know why but lately I have been extremely attracted to female stomachs.  No not the BBW kind but these kind.  Yummy.  Anyway if you haven't guessed yet but the third hot thing is the tri-force tattoo.  Ok maybe it isn't crappy but I just had to share that I find chicks with nice stomachs and tri-force tattoos extremely hot.

Are people so stupid they would tattoo Nattie's on their body?  I guess this tattoo answers that question.  I hope whoever got this tattoo is receiving some sort of compensation from Anheuer Busch.

I guess this guy can help people who are lost and he can always show them where they are.

Yes, it is neat.  Nice manscaping.

Next he should get tattooed underneath the thank you, "I'm a Giant Douche".  If you wondered what some of the things I am learning to live without, it has something to do with this tattoo.

If you know the reference then you will get this: "Crappy tattoos...FUCK YEAH!"

I bet when this guy enters a McDonald's they keep an extra close watch over their burgers so he won't steal them.

CAMEL TOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is just beautiful.  Seriously, I see this kid going places.  What girl wouldn't want a guy who has a tattoo insinuating that his arm pit is a vagina?  What a douche!

Just a note to my colliegate readers:  Do not get your tattoos during the first week of school otherwise you get crap like this.

Is is a shock that this tattoo is considered crap.

Well I am off to work out.

How I feel now.

Well it is true.

I was having a swell evening until I got an email from someone that randomly read my blog.  It made me think and made me feel pretty low.  Here it is.
Wow your a bright one.. Are you talking for yourself or for the rest of
the Men out there in the world? I am sorry your an old man who hasn't
found the one thats right for You.. You make me laugh and if any woman
in their right mind reads this would say thats a real winner..(NOT) In
my book You're a loser and i hope others see you the same way.. Wow you
have such a sour attitude that its really sad that there are men out
there in the world like yourself. But than again your probably one of
those men who are homeless and are looking for a woman to take care of
you instead of you taking care of yourself.. Get a life Dude. Your a
LOSER!!!! plain and simple.

Yeah so maybe I give up.

Happy Spanksgiving.

Well it is Thanksgiving Day.  The Packers won.  I got my load of turkey and had some sour cream and raisin pie.  I also had a two hour nap because of the tryptophan.  Now it is time to make fun of people who are probably thankful that they received some tattoos.

I guess only someone this "devoted" would get a Vikings tattoo.  I wonder what this guy feels like this season or last season or any other losing season the Vikings have had.  That barbed wire tattoo is so menacing.  OK I am getting too scared.  Time to move on.

Well I have heard Martha is a lion in the sack, but no way would I tattoo her on my leg.

(cue Oompa Loompa music) Oompa Loompa doopity doo/I know who regrets this tattoo

If you want to know what Jenkem is then go to this site.  I really don't know what to say.

Anchorman is a good movie, but is it a movie that deserves commemorative tattoos?  No.  I love lamp but I hate crappy tattoos.

I guess she is really into doggystyle and this is where you put your hands.  Hopefully it isn't where actual paws are put because that is just plain wrong.

Hopefully that is his last name and not a tattoo featuring his love for meat products.  Ok, I love bacon and like a certain television traveler I taunt anyone who claims to be a vegetarian with a hunk of bacon.  Bacon is good but not tattoo good.

I wonder if this guy lives in paradise because...then...Jimmy Buffet...oh why did so many people love Jimmy Buffet during my college years?

Yes and the jungle definitely needs to suffer from some deforestation.

Now what would be awesome is if the tattoo of the flexed arm had a tattoo of a flexing arm.

I wonder how many times this guy has been shot at by the police for having a firearm.

I think it would have been smarter to tattoo the website and put the wolf drinking booze in magic marker because honestly in ten years that tattoo will look like hell.

Well it is time to go back and get some rest.  Eating sometimes really is strenuous.  Hopefully tomorrow I will be alive to take care of some beer drinking.

So tomorrow is thanksgiving.  I have a lot of stuff to be thankful for.  That beautiful wife, the awesome house, the great health, the high paying job...oh wait that is my fantasy thanksgiving thankfulness.  Well I am thankful for crappy tattoos, stupid comic books, and foolish celebrities.  Today I will be thankful for stupid comic books.

Jor-El is such a dick.  Now I know where Superman gets his dickiness from.  I feel sorry for Lara.  She has to put up with dicks on all sides.  Hmmm maybe she was a porn star?

This is an actual repeat ACTUAL letter that appeared in a comic book.  Every time I read it I get shivers and ball up in a fetal position out of fear.  I sure hope I never meet a women like that.

I think this is my all time favorite cover.  I just wish that someone would put Superman in a capsule and send him into outerspace.

I don't care if they can talk, the number one rule of being a mad scientist or despot is NEVER GIVE GUNS TO MONKEYS! It is a little known fact that the real reason the Germans lost battles in Africa during World War 1 was due to their giving guns to apes and training them to fight.  OK but maybe not but I bet you thought about it for awhile.  Wouldn't it be funny to see a monkey in one of those pointy helmets they wore?

This isn't a real cover but it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibilities in the comic book world.  Isn't it funny that Eve looks a lot like Lois Lane?  I also found her to be a dullard if she can't figure out that Adam and Batman are the same person.  Wow, I just thought of this.  Mormons believe that Adam is our God the Father therefore if this comic is true: BATMAN IS GOD.  So maybe I have prayer all wrong and instead of praying I just need to make a Bat-signal to get God's attention.

Like taking a knife to a gun fight.  How is this believable?  The bullets just landing at his feet, the approaching tank, the flying Japanese soldiers, the cigars...wow war is way cool.

Wow, that Superman sure knows how to treat a dame.  He would rather tackle a dinosaur than a woman?  Doesn't that seem sort of gay?  Then the woman who should hate Superman but actually loves him, well that is every woman in Belle Plaine or at least all the ones that don't go to college.  They let their boyfriends beat them up and then stayed with them because they loved him.  I do think the comic writers from back then had deep seeded issues with spanking. 

FATHER OF THE YEAR!!!!  This comic is proof that I shouldn't be a father because I would probably pull a Superman and light a gift on fire and tell my kid that I should have pulled out.  I think that would have been better than telling Jimmy he was sorry he adopted him.  He should have revealed that he was Jimmy's real father by saying he should have pulled out.  I am warped.

take a look at this.  There is something strange about this cover.  No it isn't the fact that ALF had a comic book.  I know.  Gordon Shumway, aka ALF, never ate seals.  He only ate cats.  Of course ALF doesn't look like he wants to do any eating.  Well tomorrow I will be doing some eating, some eating of turkey and nothing else you perverts.

I have to admit I like rap music.  There is something about the energy and the feeling behind the words.  I found these charts and thought they were hilarious.  I hope you enjoy.

More to come at a later date.

Sorry I am so late today.  I have been having a bad day.  Anyway I need to medicate myself and I relieve pain with humor so here goes.

Seems like this is totally true for me as of late.

Those naughty pirates.

Don Imus and Kramer are in a strange way very vindicated.

Once again, Don Imus and Kramer are in a strange way very vindicated.

I am very confused as to why the video is recording the cat.  OH I GET IT!  As of late this is my dream job.  I guess being behind the camera because I don't have the "charisma" to be in front of the lens for all that hardcore action.  I'll just live vicariously through the "actors".  Anyone want to be in a movie?

You know I really hate the Yankees but I shouldn't make fun of the mentally handicapped.

I'll just make fun of Cubs fans.  I think I have only met one Cubs fan in this world that I considered intelligent.  Maybe it is because the majority are on vacation in the Dells therefore they are dumb because they leave their brains at home.  Well the Cubs...they suck, and I will leave it at that.

No wonder the WELS only supports Republican candidates.

I wish the WELS had signs like this.  So which category do you fit?

Wow, I love Asian women.  They should change at all.  What the hell is this church group trying to accomplish?  Maybe only white people go to heaven as well. 

My ex-girlfriend should have went here.

After seeing this clip I am going to be watching America's Next Top Model.

Well expect another update.  I am feeling better.  Got some deep seeded feelings out there and well I feel better.

This last week a major incidence occured in the sports world.  Barry Bonds was indicted by a federal grand jury on 4 counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice.  "During the criminal investigation, evidence was obtained including
positive tests for the presence of anabolic steroids and other
performance enhancing substances for Bonds and other athletes," the
indictment reads. The charges focus on Bonds' responses to the grand
jury in his 2003 testimony, specifically his denials when asked if he
had used steroids, and whether Greg Anderson, Bonds' trainer, had administered steroids to
him.  The Giants, Major League Baseball and its players' union all expressed sadness at the indictment, and the White House weighed in, calling it a "sad day in baseball".  Bonds' arraignment is set for December 7th when he is expected to plead not guilty to all charges.  If found guilty Barry could face 5 years in federal prison for each count of perjury and 10 years for the count of obstruction.  I have my own opinion of Bonds and think he is one of the dirtiest players to ever play the game, dirtier than Pete Rose.  I cannot stand the man and was disgusted to see him break Hank Aaron's record of 755 career home runs.  I personally think that Bonds was aided by numerous steroids.  I have found pictures of Bonds over the years and will let you judge.  I think it is unmistakable when something went into his system because of his rapid growth, the guy went through major jumps in hat sizes and massive head growth is associated with steroid abuse.  Of course he is innocent until proven guilty.

1983

1990

1992

1998

1999

2001, this was the year in which Bonds broke the single season home run record.  Bonds hit 73 single season home runs, breaking Mark McGwire's record of 70.  McGwire is also one who has been rumored for steroid abuse.

2002

2003

2004

2006

2007

After every home run Barry Bonds points to the sky or in this case he is pointing to his god.  I hope he is found guilty and every record he holds is wiped off the book. 

I know I am a day late but last night I indulged in $1.50 Leine pints.  Baraboo is awesome.  Well enough said.  Time for a Celebrity Round-Up.


Oh, Amy, you are my celebrity crush.  Too bad you have been going through some rough times as of late but I guess life is a series of ups and downs.  Her house was raided and I guess they found her stash but it was more or less to bust her husband.  Apparently he is facing life in prison for tampering with a court case.  He was coercing a witness to change testimony.  The British really take their court seriously whereas we in America make court into a tv network and a 3 ring circus.  Anyway, Amy I still am single if you need a shoulder to cry on.  Also I like jazz so I'm just putting it out there.  God she is so gorgeous.

Remember a long time ago when Tara Reid looked good?  It was back during the first American Pie movie.  Then she turned into a complete lush and became nothing more than common gutter trash.  Well it looks like she is starting to turn trashy again either that or she is a few years late for her audition for a role on The Sopranos.  I am going with the latter probably because she had a wicked hangover that has lasted 3 years.  Do you remember the TV series she had where the entire show was her being drunk?  Yeah I vaguely remember it because it didn't last that long.  Anyway she still looks like crap and probably will never be popular again unless she has a sex tape.  Sex tapes seem to make people stars nowadays.  Expect to see mine in stores soon.

Oh Britney!  She is texting while driving.  Pretty safe, huh?  Not to a commissioner in Los Angeles.  She was prohibited from operating a motor vehicle while her children are passengers.  Here's what you may not know: when the commissioner made the ruling her children said their first words, "HELL YES!"  Wow, Britney looks like crap.  Either she has had too much booger sugar, has an new outbreak of herpes, or visited Kanye West's mother's plastic surgeon to get her lips down.  Yes, she did have a botched lip job.  Just another strange incidence in her freaky life. 

Britney and I have something in common.  We're both asthmatics.  The only difference is that she developed hers after abusing her body with smoking whereas I was an infant and was treated to secondhand smoke while I was being bottle fed by my father.  Also Britney finally submitted to a drug test this week and guess what she failed.  It was explained by her lawyers that the failure was due to her use of an inhaler.  I need to use that excuse if I ever get in trouble with the law.  She then took another test and failed again.  This time they blamed it on her ADD medicine.  Once again Britney Spears and I have something in common.  Oh yeah and she is giving my great excuses to use whenever I get caught.  Who would have thought Britney Spears could be a fount of information?

Here is a picture of Fabio's attempt to one up George Clooney: Barely Legal Arm Candy.  Kristen Bell and Hayden Panettiere look like they are either in heaven or trying to be polite to the old man.  Fabio just has this grin on his face that is saying, "Screw you, Clooney!"  God what divas!

Jordan or Katie Price or whatever the hell she goes by these days doing a little pole dancing with her wanker husband.  This is from their reality show.  If you have ever seen their reality show then I apologize.  You have wasted a half hour of your life that you will never get back.  Sucks to be you.  I just know her from...THIS.

Looks like Gay-Rod will be staying in New York for the next ten years and that means ten more years of me making Gay-Rod comments.  Aren't you, my readers, so lucky!


This is Sarah Harding.  You may wonder who is Sarah Harding.  Well she is a member of the pop group Girls Aloud.  She was discovered after performing at Karaoke nights in her favorite pub.  He she is uncovered.  I a, a fan.

For being 45, Demi Moore still knows how to rock a bikini.  I hate to say this but Ashton Kutcher is a lucky guy and I am envious.

Holy crap!  Lindsay Lohan actually learned something in rehab.  She learned how to wear panties.  NICE!  Not that I hate nudity but crack whores just don't have appealing parts.  Anyway she as recently quoted as saying, "Rehab was a sobering experience."  I'll let you make your own joke there.

Well I see the new look for men this year is faux-drunk.  I think I can pull that look off.

This week Phil Jackson, head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers, landed in some hot water when he described a recent loss by his teams as their "Brokeback Mountain" game because of all the penetration and kick-outs.  So I guess "Brokeback Mountain" jokes are back in style.  Here are two.

Even though this is Peyton Manning and his coach Tony Dungy, there are a lot of rumors flying around of Peyton dating country music star Kenny Chesney.  Either way, Brokeback Mountain is funny again.

With that have an excellent rest of your weekend and be thankful if where you are it isn't snowing.