I had an awesome celebrity round up but my computer froze and right now I am needing to get ready for a night out.  Maybe later.

Wow, what a week!  I just always wanted to start a blog like that.  Nothing really spectacular is happening other than it being revealed that a lady lied about Rudy Guiliani to federal investigators.  Uh-oh, controversy.  The biggest news to happen to me this week was finding 3 varieties of Schell's beer in a local liquor store.  This weekend will be great.  I watched Kid Nation last night and it was hilarious.  Those kids are finally going to learn that it is hard for adults to do the things they do.  Anyway, it is Thursday and that means TATTOOS!!!!!!!!!

Never before has syrup been as sexy as this tattoo.  Wouldn't Aunt Jemima sell more syrup if she wore this on her bottles and covered herself in the syrup?  I need to go to the store soon.

This guy is a people person.

Nacho average butt tattoo.

I guess this tattoo would come in handy if you ever met someone and weren't wearing a shirt.

I would hate to be in Africa after a big meal which featured chili peppers, broccoli and cabbage.

I guess this tattoo is for girls who fall for the douche bag type of guy.

This tattoo is quite simply the secret to eternal life.

Wow, I was actually saying that this tattoo would be cool.  Maybe it would be if the guy wasn't holding a can of Busch and the other guy didn't look like such a douchebag. 

Tattooing a sequel on yourself is just lame.

This guy definitely won't be admitted or will not win best gun in show.

I like to begin my day with a long drag on my inhaler but I won't get a tattoo of myself doing the inhaling process.

Well I am quite amazed how many posts I have made this week.  I guess subconsciously I am trying to get noticed so that in case a tv show needs a scab writer they can take a look at my blog and let me do some writing.  But seriously, those tv writers, just give them health insurance already.  Come on.  Tomorrow I hope to write about the latest celebrity gossip.  Until then I will be enjoying some Schell's Dark.

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.  By that I mean the dark gray sky with no visible sun.  It is 4PM and I have to turn on lights to make it through my house.  Days like today are why people in Wisconsin drink.  I found a list of the drunkest cities in America and Milwaukee was in the top 10 and Madison was in the top 25.  Oh well days like today make me want to read the classics.

With my background in Christianity and my training at a Lutheran college, I understand what the title of this book means HOWEVER, it gives me the creeps.  I always hated teaching about circumcision in my class.  I need to move on.

Well it does look like they are hugging or maybe that is what butt-stroking is.  If you remember butt-stroking from one of my previous blogs, I think this is it.

Why is the goat sticking his horn up the painter's butt and the book is entitled gay-time painting book?  Oh, alternative lifestyle coloring books for kids.  The old man in the background looks to be enjoying the goat and kid(hahahaha) a little too much.  Well when I was in grade school I hated art class and thought it was gay now here is my proof.

Oh it is.

You know it's true.  Why do teenage girls like this book?  I guess they relate too well with the main character WHO IS A GUY!!!!  It probably is the fact that it is one of the first books teenage girls read in high school that contains profanity, sex, and alcohol abuse and they are somehow affected.  It could also be that they are planning to become assassins.  Yes, Mark David Chapman, who killed John Lennon, was carrying this book when he was arrested and John Hinkley, who attempted to kill President Regan, was obsessed with this book.  Oh, teen angst!

Reading this book made it seem like WWI went on forever.  I recently watched the movie that is supposed to be a masterpiece that is based on this book.  It was horrible.  The movie made war look like a summer camp.  I guess movies in the 30s didn't want to rile the masses.  Maybe I have found my calling.  Remake this movie and make it dark and filled with gloom just like a Wisconsin November day.  God, I suck.

Yeah it was banned at my high school but not at my college.  I actually enjoyed this book but I think if I read it as a high schooler it would have given me a horrible vocabulary.  I am impressionable that way.

Yeah, definitely not the good old days.  This is an excellent read.

If I saw that headline I would have actually read this book instead of skipping straight to the Cliff Notes.  I just could not stand this book.  I am weird, yes, but this book just didn't do it for me.  Maybe if the were bootleggers looking for their swag and dames in flapper dresses then I might be interested.  Well at least it was better than The Scarlet Letter. 

Isn't suicide brought up in every Hemingway novel and hasn't every member of his family killed themselves?  Quick answer: yes...ok not everyone just his father, two siblings, and his granddaughter Margaux.

I just don't think this would be a good book to carry around in your front pocket....or would it?  Hmmm, it might help me land a girlfriend especially those in this area who seem to only want sex in relationships.  I need this book.

How clever!  I am off to watch more coverage of his ongoing pretrial.  It is so hypnotic.

Good afternoon.  How are you doing?  Really? Well that sucks.  I hope that all works out for you.

Are you ready for some truth in advertising?  OK, well you know right now I can't help you with your problems because I am going to try to be funny.  Well, maybe if you read then you might chuckle and it can temporarily cheer you up.  OK?  I am going to start.  You know you should get a kleenex.  Alright I am starting.

I have been silent on the NFL controversy that is known as Spygate.  I have been silent because I have just assumed that the Patriots weren't the first team to videotape signals for their own use.  The only thing I have to say is that I have no respect for Bill Belicheck and do not think he should be considered hall of fame material.  If he gets inducted then so should Adam "Pacman" Jones. 

I have often wondered what Jew Ear Fungus tasted like.  This is just up my alley because it can be made in an instant.  Man, I am gross.  You thought I wanted to eat ear fungus.  I am just intrigued by this product.  I hear it is very popular in Germany.

You may need to enlarge this accurate description of Denny's products.  mmmm Denny's sounds so good right now.

Like it is really used to massage necks.  I was always shocked by these ads in my old comic books and wrestling magazines.  Why is it an old man?  I would be more comfortable with a woman demonstrating using the vibrator.  Oh yeah.

Whatever you do, don't do a google search for Tubgirl.

This is a creepy Lysol ad about feminine hygiene.  I always thought that Lysol was a product used to clean floors and kill germs not as a feminine product.  Oh well they used to use Benzene as an aftershave.  If you enlarge the ad read it.  The 50s were so against women.  Apparently this ad says that when the passion runs out of a marriage it is the woman's fault.  Wow, I can never be to blame.  All my relationships ended because of her.  Alright I love the 50s.  Wait, I don't think I would have loved not having a vaccine for polio and I like my car and I am taking sensitivity courses so the 50s suck.  Boo 50s.

Yes, it is true.  Sometimes I feel unfresh down there and I apply Johnson's Baby Powder.  I should so be a spokesmen.

It seems like that is what most digital cameras are truly used for.  I know I have some shame recorded somewhere of my antics.

Hey, those are cool and dry.  Score.

Most offensive drink ever.

Why is it that whenever I drink coffee I sweat or at least get all hot?  Oh I just had a cup not so long ago.  I am going to have to put this blog on hold for a few minutes.

Ok, all better.  This is why I do not drink Budweiser.

So Brett Favre is a black man?

When you are the oldest family owned and operated brewery in America, you can get away with a lot.

Hope your evening is more enjoyable than mine.

Oh man.  I am feeling like a million bucks.  I just had a flu shot and I feel great.  So great I am going to do something here that I haven't done in a long time.  Crappy Comic review!

Oh I love the old days of comics when they slipped in S&M oh so innocently.  I would like a girlfriend who wanted to be disciplined.  Oh well I guess they can't all be Amazonian hand wrestlers.

Not that I know about this.

Apparently Wonder Woman is smart only when she isn't practicing S&M. 

Just when I though Wonder Woman had brains.  NO!  You would think someone who is so into S&M would be loving the chance of pulling out their eyebrows but feminine vanity gets in the way again.  I wonder if any real woman would choose a blindfolded escape over losing their eyebrows.  I guess I can only find out once I get a girlfriend.

Something besides kissing is going on here.

Yes, Robin was a little queer. 

Leave it to a comic book to explain their racist depiction of a minority.

Who has said that comics are misogynistic?  Oh wait I think I have in the past and I guess I have learned and copied comics for too long.

AHHHHH stereotyping at its finest. 

I wonder what it's like to be butt-stroked.  I guess I will have to get a girlfriend to find out.

Batman rubbing off some woman and then he talks about spanking.  It is great to see Batman be sexual with someone other than Robin and a woman at that.

I guess this was my S&M update and a plea for a girlfriend but not a girlfriend who practices S&M because I don't really get that stuff.  Anyway have a good night.

It is Sunday evening.  I just watched the conclusion to The Search for the Next Iron Chef.  I guess I am satisfied with the winner.  It was hard for me to pick because I liked both finalists.  The only thing that had me leaning more toward Michael Simon was the fact that he has appeared on No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain in the Cleveland episode.  Simon was hilarious and I actually thought his dishes looked enjoyable.  Anyway it is over.  The new guy is replacing Mario Batali because of his growing dislike for Food Network and he has a new series starting on PBS in which he will costar with Gweneth Paltrow.  Well it is time to have some fun.

Karmasheetra.  Yes, Karmasheetra.  All I know is that someone stole my idea.  I would have called it Sex-ster or Twisted Sex or something else.  It is a combination between sex and Twister.  If you want to learn more about my stolen idea go here.  It is a clean site.  Anyway here is my stolen idea.

This is another idea I had.  Please use your imagination.  There is a reason her tongue is sticking out.

Does it make me gay if I want to find out what this wine tastes like?

Just once, when I am a tourist, do I want something like this to happen when I am taking pictures.  I pray that something like this would happen.  So far nothing.

Behold! The She-inal.  I don't know the specifics here but I don't think I want to find out.

This is the most clever graffiti ever.  I never thought I would see the day when Vanilla Ice is referenced in spray paint on the side of a building.

Yeah you're better than a woman of a child, aren't you?

Who said wrestling was fake....obviously saw this clip.

I remember drinking with a guy named Sully back in high school.  He wasn't careful though and he bumped his head often.  He must be living in Japan these days because there are signs all over the country that say this.  Here's to you Sully!

These are my penis's plans for the day.

The NBA season is in full "swing".

Hope everyone had a great weekend.  I saw the star of a certain church in the city of ghosts.  He rocked that organ like a mother. 

So it is Friday and it is time for another Celebrity Round-Up.

Katie Holmes ran the New York Marathon.  That is a pretty impressive feat, almost as impressive as her acting.  No, not any movie or TV show that she has been in, but her acting that she is in a relationship with Tom Cruise.  Katie it is time to finish the fake relationship.  That guy with you, much better than Tom Cruise and I don't even know who he is.  I guess I am just harsh on Tom for existing.  Normally I would be excited to see Katie in a flimsy tank top with no sports bra but knowing she has been brainwashed is just painful.

I really hate this guy.  He is sporting a losing franchise.  Oh and he said in a recent interview with a foreign gossip magazine that he doesn't read any of the gossip printed about him, just like me, I only read the facts printed about him: He is a freak.

She finally confirmed her pregnancy.  Maybe because it was starting to become obvious.  Oh X-tina!  I hope you totally shelter your child from you whole "dirrrty" phase.  Kids don't need to be viewing pornography.

Turns out Conan O'Brien has a stalker.  The stalker is a Catholic priest who told Conan that he is his most dangerous fan and wants Conan to make a public confession on the priest's couch.  Wow, next thing would be the priest would want to dress Conan up like an altar boy and then molest him.  Yes, that last joke wasn't funny but if you want funny look at the Catholic Church denying grown men sex lives.

Do you know who this is?  Cindy Lou Who from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"? No.  That my friends is a current picture of Christina Ricci.  I think something happened to her on the set of "Black Snake Moan" or maybe she is still in character from her recent role as Trixie in the live action version of "Speed Racer".  Either way she looks like a devilish Barbie doll.

Hillary meeting two of her most prominent constituents.  mmmmm Oh yeah that is Natalie Portman very excited to see Hillary Clinton. 

Here we see Kim Kardashian at a release party for the issue of Playboy of which she graces the cover.  Graces the cover, I never thought I would say that about Kim Kardashian.  Whatever, I just want to know who that giant is next to her.  Wow that is a big woman.

Speaking of big women, Kim Kardashian is releasing another version of her sex-tape with Ray-J.  Why?  Oh by the way if you don't understand my comment of big women and Kim Kardashian, let me put it this way: in years past men were made fun of for small penises but now women are starting to be made fun of for large vaginas and Kim Kardashian is the poster child.

Here is Rhianna getting to third base with some random girl.  Her hands look like umbrellas.

Can't wait to see Winona Ryder's new movie.  I don't know what it's called but this still is worth the admission.

Here is Tera Patrick in her Halloween costume.  What is she dressed as...wait for it....wait for it....she is dressed as a porn star.  Some of you may not know who Tera Patrick is, well if you want to do a google search make sure you have strong filters.  Ok, what I am saying is, she is a porn star.  WTF?  She has no creativity.

Mickey Rourke got busted for DUI.  God he looks scary.  If it wasn't for what he was driving I would be completely scared of this dude.  He was driving a Vespa Scooter.  Tough guy, huh?

George Clooney and washed up male model Fabio got into a scuffle.  Fabio called Clooney a diva.  A diva.  You know I enjoy it when two women fight but I do not enjoy two men fighting like women.  So this is how George repaid Fabio.  NICE!

Just when you thought this round-up would be Britney free.  Poor Britney.  She still is fighting for custody and might lose her kids again because she ran a red light with her children in the car and apparently that is putting children at high risk of danger.  She also was ordered by a judge to pay all of K-Fed's court fees.  And then Britney is threatened with jail time because she missed 8 out of 14 court ordered drug tests.  Well Britney deserves to treat herself to a little something nice.  So here we see Britney just moments after purchasing a new car, a $200,000 Mercedes to be exact.  I guess you don't have to look like a million bucks to spend it.  All I can say is that pretty soon we may see people pulling over when Britney is walking down the street to see what she charges for an hour. 

The weekend is upon us.  Celebrate.  Take it easy. 

This week I happened across an article in the Chicago Tribune with a list of the 25 worst TV shows of all time.  It was interesting to see some of the shows that made their list and how many of the shows I have seen and surprisingly how many of the shows lasted more than a single season.  The article came on the heels of CBS canceling Viva Laughlin.  It was supposed to be a new revolutionary musical drama based upon a BBC series but I think it turned out to be nothing more than Cop Rock.  Anyway here is the article.

This week, CBS canceled its bankrupt casino drama "Viva Laughlin,"
which some have called one of the worst TV shows ever. Which got us to
thinking. Here, then, is our list of The 25 Worst TV Shows Ever. Let
the debate begin.

"You're in the Picture" (1961). Jackie Gleason appeared in a
prime time quiz show, but it was so bad the quiz format was dropped
after one airing and it became instead a short-lived talk show. Even
Gleason knew it was bad: "I've seen bombs in my day, but this one made
the H-bomb look like a 2-inch salute."

"Petticoat Junction" (1963-'70). Some shows from that era hold
up remarkably well -- either as sweet nostalgia or entertaining camp.
Not this one, set in Hooterville. Watch video

"My Mother the Car" (1965-66). In it, Jerry Van Dyke's mother
was reincarnated as a talking automobile, the voice supplied by Ann
Sothern. Actually made it through one season.Watch video

"Turn-On" (1969). Illegitimate son of "Laugh-In." Lasted one episode.

"Ernest Angley Hour" (1973-present). Broadcast from Cuyahoga
Falls, Ohio, Angley's Southern rural lisp deliveries are syndicated
worldwide. While he doesn't claim to be a faith healer, his trademark
palm-of-the-hand to the forehead is accompanied by his high-pitched
shout "Be heeeeaaaalllled!" as the healee drops to the floor, to be
caught by an assistant. Watch video

"B.J. and the Bear" (1979-81). Comedy/adventure about an itinerant trucker who traveled the nation's highways with his pet chimpanzee. Watch video

"When Things Were Rotten" (1975). Created by Mel Brooks. Hoo
boy. Lasted a half season. Brooks used the same Robin Hood theme in the
1993 movie "Men in Tights."

"Mr. T. and Tina" (1976). Starring Pat Morita (who also played Arnold on "Happy Days"). Canceled after five episodes.

"The Ropers" (1979-80). An entire show built around the landlords from the nearly as awful "Three's Company."

"Joanie Loves Chachi" (1982-83). Scott Baio's addition to "Happy
Days" was a classic jump-the-shark moment; here the shark goes belly up
and begins to smell. Watch video

"Mama's Family" (1983-90). The Vickie Lawrence skit was the weak link on "The Carol Burnett Show." So, naturally, it got a weekly half-hour.
Watch video

"Manimal" (1983). NYU prof could change into any animal to help fight crimes. Show turned into a turkey. Watch video

"Mr. Belvedere" (1985-90). Starred Bob Uecker -- need we say more? Watch video

"Small Wonder" (1985-89): Robot scientist builds robot in the
shape of a 10-year-old girl, then tries to hide her amid his family.
Theme-song quote: "She's fantastic/Made of plastic." Watch video

"Life With Lucy" (1986). Lucille Ball's final, disastrous
short-lived series. It lasted only a few months but still tarnished the
TV icon's legacy.

"Beauty and the Beast" (1987-90). The pretty gal and ugly critter didn't just love each other; they solved crimes!

"Cop Rock" (1990). Steven Bochco, apparently bored with making
legitimate cop series ("Hill Street Blues"), decided it would be fun to
have cops sing, and it would be even more fun to have them performing
legit, hard-core cop work while they did it.

"Pink Lady and Jeff" (1980): Quite possibly the most demented
variety show of all time, this bizarre offering paired two Japanese pop
singers who spoke almost no English with comedian Jeff Altman. Hilarity
did not ensue. Watch video

"The 100 Lives of Black Jack Savage" (1991). A 17th Century
pirate trans-whatevered to modern times has to save a life for every
one he's taken. Which, come to think of it, is the same plot as "My
Name Is Earl."

"The Jerry Springer Show" (1991 to present). His aim is low.

"Barney & Friends" (1992-present). Yes, some little kids love it. But parents helped compile this list, and it annoys the heck out of us. Watch video

"Homeboys from Outer Space" (1996-97). The name was a tip-off.

"The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer" (1998). A black British
gentleman run out of England for cheating takes a job as a butler to
Abraham Lincoln. And it was a comedy. And it made fun of slavery. Watch video

XFL (2001). NBC and Pro wrestling decide football isn't entertaining enough the way it is. They are wrong.

"Cavemen" (2007): We'll take this insurance commercial, see, only we'll make it 30 times as long! No, not the one with the lizard. Watch video

So that is the list.  I still can't believe that "Cavemen" is still on the air.  It is a horrible show.  A few years ago before Bravo turned into nothing more than fashion and cooking shows, they featured marathons of shows that were apparently brilliant but canceled.  One of the marathons I caught was of "Cop Rock".  It was a unique show.  It was just unbelievable especially to see cops break into song and dance and juries delivering the verdicts in song form.  I might have to argue with "Small Wonder".  I loved that show but that is me.  I think the reality show "There's Something about Miriam" deserves to be on this list.  Well I will be back with a celebrity blog later this afternoon.

So today was an alright day.  I woke up early because I had to move some furniture to make room for some new pieces that were being delivered.  Of course I was doing this moving on my own.  I move two chairs out and then a third chair I moved into my den.  Well after I was finished I had an asthma attack and then started coughing up all sorts of assorted neon green garbage.  I then was spent for the rest of the day.  I am finally starting to feel better but I think tomorrow I will get a flu shot.  Well here are some tattoos.

Wow, I wouldn't have paid 50 cents for this tattoo.

So this guy goes out to schools and talks about prejudice and hatred.  It says The Scary Guy, sadly he went out and changed his name to The Scary Guy.  There is no way I could ever think of having this guy speak at my school but I guess that means I am prejudiced against people with crappy tattoos.

I bet he stuck his arm in a box of bricks and out came this tattoo.

I love it as well but no way could I tattoo it on my back.

No that isn't a marker sketched Punisher insignia.  It is really a tattoo.  I feel sorry for the poor kid but then I don't because he probably is making good money working with computers...just a guess.  It seems like the type of person to get a comic hero tattooed on their forehead would be the type of person to work with computers but then I am prejudiced and need to hear from The Scary Guy.

Don't worry, he is just snorting Quik. 

Right on, Tigger.  You should have just thrashed that damn Pooh and ate him in front of all the other animals.

A tattoo on the butt of a guy with a tattoo of a guy with a tattoo on his butt.  It is a tattoo that keeps on going and going, just like me after a lot of prunes.

He definitely needed this tattoo to do some manscaping.

You would think a Vietnam veteran would know how to spell the name of the country where he fought.

Well I know I will never be touching you there, sir.

Hopefully I can get some help like this soon.

Well I am open this weekend.  Let me know what is up.  Call me at my house because my cell service is being retarded.

I thought I was getting better.  I could walk up my stairs without getting winded are having an asthma attack.  I was given a peak flow meter this afternoon.  This measures the speed you blow air from your lungs.  Well apparently a person my age and height should register a 600 on this device.  I tried the first time and scored a 350.  I blew again and scored a 400 and then another blow produced a 450.  Oh well.  I am feeling better.  Maybe in a day or two I will be back at it.  Until then enjoy my nutty randomness.

So last week was Halloween.  I found some rather unique costumes.

Wow, he is using public transportation.  I was just thinking of this cartoon the other day when I found this picture.  If you ever go to imdb.com and look up who did the voices on this show, you might be quite surprised.  Captain Planet, he is our hero.  I'm surprised he hasn't been brought back to life to battle global warming.

Only the Finnish could do this to their children.  I bet they are listening to death metal right now as their poor child is trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

By far the scariest costume ever.

Because the Yankees suck.  Speaking of the Sox, how about the World Series?

Papelbon getting down with the American League Championship trophy.  That guy is a nut. 

Speaking of nuts....

I really don't know where to go with a comment here.  I would hate to be downwind of that reception.

Manipulation of the vessel's primary unit.

Wait, colleges haven't been practicing this?

Those clothes look like they are on to me.  By the way, I don't think it is fair to call Dick Clark a square, especially after his stroke has left him partially paralyzed.

Mexico should be more famous for its artwork and murals.

I need to get to Walgreens more often. 

I hope to hear from you people soon.