So I am anxious to get to Madison tomorrow.  It is a chance to see a good band and also some friends from college may be there.  I also want to go to a video store that has an online coupon for by 2 videos and get 2 free.  That is such a sweet deal.  Not much going on today.  I dug my car out after the guy who does our sidewalks and driveway basically buried it.  Oh well.  I have been watching football and I must say it is enjoyable to see some of these teams I normally don't get to see during the regular season.  Anyway I just thought I would post some random ramblings.

This was an actual ad for suicide prevention during the holiday seasons.  I only think these ads give people ideas.

"No where is that pregnancy test I just bought."

You know the second this girl sees this picture that she is going to starve herself because she will consider herself to be fat.  It's a good thing that it has been blurred so that we can say another girl from anorexia.

You know, I've been following the Packers for a few years now, actually as long as I can remember, but that does not look like Brett Favre.  I could be wrong.

I hope the don't make any more Transformer movies.  It was just a GM commercial.

It doesn't get any funnier than this.  I wonder if museums have insurance for moments like this.

They definitely have to up there insurance with pieces of art like that.

This kid won entreprenenuer of the year.  Way to go kid!

You know this is why I tend to stay away from larger cities during the holiday season.

This is a display from an actual German department store.  I think they still have some issues to work out.

You know Germans can be just plain creepy.

It seems I am up to my neck with all this snow.  Have a good evening.

So Christmas has come and went and I am still here.  I guess it wasn't a question whether of not I would still be here but sometimes stupid things happen.  Well it certainly doesn't feel like Friday.  I hate when you get out of that "day feeling" routine.  Christmas made things feel all different.  Oh well I guess I will survive.  I hope everyone had a decent Christmas time or whatever holiday it is that you choose to celebrate.  Anyway I have some celebrities here who have been naughty and I am going to dump coal down their stockings and not in a sexual innuendo type of way.

Jessica Simpson's new movie, Blonde Ambition, was saved from a straight to DVD  release and screened on 8 screens in her home state of Texas last weekend.  Too bad that the movie took in only $400 worth of ticket sales.  Yes, $400!  That is $50 per screen and figure maybe 7-8 screenings over the weekend so it averages about 1 ticket per screening.  I think it would have been less humiliating to go straight to dvd.  Jessica, not only did you taint Tony Romo's season, now this bomb could ruin Luke Wilson's career.  Stick to what it is that you are best at, being stupid and silent.

Ricky Martin may not be gay after all but he does look sort of confused as what to do next.

Paris Hilton likes it in the can.  Well champagne that is.  She is the new spokesperson for a new brand of champagne that comes in a can.  OK I just can't resist any jokes about Paris and coming in the can.  Paris you deserve with all your sextapes. 

Mischa Barton loves the weed.  Things have went downhill for her since The OC was canceled.  Just this week she was arrested for dui, possession of narcotics and driving without a license.  The writers strike is beginning to affect those stars who are on the fringe.  Poor Mischa.

This week Will Smith made a comment in which he said Hitler wasn't all bad.  Well the Jewish Defamation League didn't quite like his comments so Will offered a heart-felt apology for his comments.  Too bad he didn't he didn't offer an apology for I am Legend.

Remember Tatu?  The pseudo-lesbian pop group from Russia?  Well they might be lesbians after all.  Have you noticed that everyone is pregnant?  Is this like a new fad in Hollywood?

Luckily for her any fetus Lindsay Lohan isn't pregnant.  This week her rehab lover came out and said that she is a nymphomaniac and that she craved sex and more sex and that sometimes they did it four times in a row.  Only 4?  Here she is sporting a nice cross and a nice outbreak of acne.  Lindsay also came across the gossip this week when one of her girlfriends said that Lindsay and her had relations.  So maybe she just couldn't be satisfied by her rehab boyfriend and she needed to get it from a woman.  Also Lindsay was asked what she thought of Jamie Lynn Spears being pregnant and Lindsay answered, "Who cares?"  Yes, Lindsay, who cares, well this guy cares because sometimes I hope that my knowledge of celebrity gossip gets me laid.

I do know that if I was with Kim Kardashian I wouldn't get laid mostly because I am not tan enough.  Here she is with Reggie Bush, that has officially tainted his career.  Have you noticed anything about the guys Kim dates?  I guess the only thing a white guy could do for Kim is to give her directions on how to get to the nearest black guy.

Here is a recent shot of Jenna Jameson at a Hollywood charity toy drive.  Hopefully none of the kids got cock rings or dildos in their stockings after Jenna went through.

Could someone please get Grandma Hillary a makeover?

Remember Danielle Fishel?  She played Topanga on Boy Meets World.  She also dated gay Lance Bass.  Well recently she was arrested for DWI.  Oh she too is affected by the writers strike, but she has been affected since Boy Meets World went off the air years ago.  She was probably trying to drink away the fact that she dated a guy who was gay.  Seriously that would be embarassing.  My mom should know.

Chasity Bono is set to star in the sequel to Superbad, Super Butch.  Actually not but I think that would be pretty funny.

Brooke Hogan is rumored to be trying to make a run at the wrestling ring just like her father.  Her name is going to be She-Man.

Britney Spears you dumb slut.  This week Britney felt compelled to appear in public displaying her nipples and her recent one-night stand.  yes, Britney is screwing the paparazzi.  I guess it is fitting because she is around them 24/7.  In case you were wondering, the douche bag in the knit hat and gray hoodie is the "lucky" guy who bedded Britney.

Merry Christmas Britney.  Apparently she would not let her children open the presents they received from her parents.  She absolutely refuses to let her parents have any contact.  No one seems to know why, but maybe that rumor of K-Fed shacking up with Britney's mom are true.  One of the gifts that her kids received were LeapFrog reading toys.  One problem I see with this toy is that Britney doesn't know how to play with it.  I'm sure her children will be smarter than her in just a matter of a few years.

Finally the last part of the Spears family saga.  It is being rumored this week that Jamie Lynn's boyfriend may not be the father of her child.  Apparently they have been broken up and apart in the time in which she would have gotten pregnant.  He was with her but then she probably would be over 6 months pregnant and well she doesn't look 6 months pregnant.  Here is where it gets creepy.  The father may be a Nickolodeon executive who is older than myself and to avoid statutory rape charges told Jamie Lynn to say it was her boyfriend's baby.  Well well well, just when you thought the only thing missing from the Spears family saga was a paternity crisis this happens. Where is Maury Povich when you need him?  The only thing missing from this story is a condom.  Have a great weekend.

I now officially detest John McCain.  It wasn't for something he said about Star Wars.  Today the assassination of Benazir Bhutto has been the hot topic.  Well FOX News(or in most cases Noise) was interviewing John McCain about his thoughts of her assassination.  He started joking by saying maybe he should be running for president of Pakistan and then the laughter began.  He used her death as a springboard for his jokes.  Sure now all these candidates will use her death as a way to say how they will fight terrorism but that is inevitable given the paranoia filled society in which we live, but to use her assassination for comedy, that is too much.  John McCain, you have lost any credibility you have had.

In local news, Baraboo, WI will a site of one of the next Johnny Depp movies.  Public Enemies, a movie about the exploits of John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson, and Pretty Boy Floyd, is rumored to be selecting sites for some of the bank robbery scenes and the Baraboo National Bank is possibly going to be used for this new movie.  Hopefully I can get down to Baraboo with my paparazzi to get Johnny Depp on camera.  I have been hard on Depp for some of his movies and how the teeny-bopper crowd is crying that he should win an Oscar for his portrayal of Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy but I am anxious to see this movie not just because it may be partly filmed in Baraboo but also he will be taking on the role of John Dillinger.  I am also anxious to hear news about the next two Sin City movies because Depp is rumored to be attached to both.  He is also set to play Paul Kemp in Hunter S. Thompson's The Rum Diary.  OK maybe I do like Johnny Depp afterall.  Have you seen Cry-Baby?

I don't feel like looking at any tattoos today nor do I feel like doing much of any picture gazing. 

Sorry about that last post if it offended you.  I think I am going crazy being alone.  Anyway if anyone wants me to I will take down the posting. 

Today, War is over if you want it.

I didn't know what to get you for Christmas so enjoy a sampling of some pictures that have brought me holiday cheer...VERY NSFW

I really don't want to go near her Festivus Pole.

For the alternative people who read my blog.

Finally one for the ladies

Yesterday I took a day off from blogging to enjoy the wintery mess of 12 inches of fresh snow with the addition of wind gusts up to 30 mph.  I had snowdrifts that were from the ground to the top of my blazer.  It was almost as if my car was buried on three sides.  That was fun trying to get it out.  When I finally did get most of my car dug out we get a phone call that the service was canceled so I went back to bed.  I decided that with today being Christmas Eve I would write what I want for Christmas.

How cool is this pencil sharpener? I think I know a couple of teachers who could use this for their classroom.

I would like some Nila Wafers.  Why is this picture so sexy?

I don't know if I want fake teeth or little toy lizards.  Target please help me make up my mind?

Yes, Indian sex sure would be good now that it is so cold outside.

MMMMMM....hot wings.

Oh, this is something I definitely don't want.

I want a girlfriend with low self-esteem so that she will buy this.

I want FOX New to finally admit they are neither fair nor balanced.

I want more snappy headlines like this.

I want to be able to learn sign language so that I may communicate with the hearing impaired.

Strangely I want to watch Facts of Life reruns.

This is the last item and therefore the most important.  You can take away all the others and just leave me this.  OK so I know I won't get 24 half naked women under my Christmas tree but it is a wish.  Actually I would settle for a Wii and this is the reason why.

Whatever your wish this Christmas, be careful, Santa has a new security detail.  Merry Christmas.

Last night I didn't post because I was out celebrating the birthday of dear friends.  I will have to report on that later.  Today, December 22nd is the winter solstice for all you pagans out there but for us sex crazed or starved lunatics it is National Orgasm Day.  I think I will celebrate a few times today but I will be alone for this celebration unless anyone wants to come over.  Now for the reason why you came here and what you love, celebrity gossip and it was a great week for gossip.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, you two really really really really really really really suck.  I just can't stand either of you.  Please just go somewhere and don't come out.  You are pathetic and your music sucks, yes, I said it, Fall Out Boy sucks.  I used to like their stuff until I heard every girl from Chicago that came to the Dells say how "Sugar, We're Going Down" was about her.  I just wish these two would go away.

Jessica Simpson has left the city of Dallas wanting her to disappear.  See this last week she showed up at a Dallas Cowboys game sporting a pink Tony Romo jersey.  Her and Romo have officially been linked together as a couple.  She kept showing off his jersey and Romo went out and had the worst game of his career.  Romo's teammates said Jessica should stay away and disappear.

Speaking of disappearing: this is Jessica Simpson's latest attempt at an acting career.  Too bad this "movie" has been released straight to dvd and will soon be disappearing from store shelves not because people are buying it but because Wal-marts will need new filler for their bargain bins. 

Tara Reid, what the hell has happened to you?  Apparently, for the last month, she has worn nothing but a bikini.  I think it is starting to show.  I have to get this picture out of my mind or my National Orgasm Day will be ruined.

This is more like it.  Jessica Alba.  Wow, she has that glow.  She was asked this week if she still planned on posing nude now that she is pregnant.  Well much to my dismay she said no nude posing while pregnant.  I guess that is good for the fetus but bad for us sex starved internet geeks.

N to the ipple...C to the litty....ok that is wrong but it isn't often that I get to see Hova with Beyonce and Beyonce's bouncys are out for public display.  There was a rumor floating around this week that they got married but as any rapper will tell you, you can't turn a hoe into a housewife and you can never tame a pimp.  See I am up on my urban speak.  Now I just need to go shopping at Scott's Urban Wear on the East Side...yes, J and L you were right and I am just a man whose DNA is lacking a sense of direction.

David Beckham is the new spokesmen for Armani underwear.  Reports surfaced this week that his package was digitally enhanced to make it looks like he was packing.  Victoria took time off from whatever it is she does to state that it is all him in the picture.  She went on to say that he is like an exhaust pipe on a tractor.  WTF?  That is the only thing you can compare him too?  Maybe Victoria and Davif should start doing ads for John Deere.

Fergie: will someone please put her out of her misery.  This week she was named Artist of the Year by Blender magazine.  I have now lost all respect for Blender magazine.  This isn't the first time I have felt this way but now it is for sure.  This summer they had an article of the 40 worst songwriters and Paul McCartney made the list.  OK his stuff with WINGS wasn't the best but need I point out exhibit A, Yesterday????  Fergie, the only thing she has done that is artistic was covering up her pissing her pants on stage.

In celebrity sex tape news, Pete Doughtery has been shopping around a sex tape featuring him and Kate Moss. He wants $1 million for the tape.  That is a lot of coke.  Ok, so I have heard coke fueled sex is pretty spectacular but not when they people in the tape look like corpses.

Remember how I said Lily Allen made me smile?  Apparently she made a lucky guy smile because she is now pregnant.  

Pam Anderson filed for divorce this week but then took it back and then was rumored to do that same act again. Also being reported this week is the news that Pam, who banged Vince Neil and Tommy Lee on tape, and husband Rick Solomon, best known for banging Paris Hilton on tape, will be starring in the new edition of MTV's reality series Newlyweds.  Hopefully Pam knows the difference between chicken and tuna.
 
A toy maker this week unveiled a new toy commemorating Britney's first notorius vag flash.  I never quite realized how high her dress was riding.  It almost makes wonder if she was even wearing a dress or just a t-shirt and no pants.  Anyway this little toy...as gay as it may seem...I do not want under my tree.  I would settle for some nerdy arty chick that has a little wild in her...yes, I am weird.

In other digital enhancement news, Britney's new video features a considerably trimmed Britney.  Her head was spliced over another dancer's body.  Way to go, Britney, at least you are not the Spears woman that everyone is talking about this week.
 
Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's 16 year old sister, announced this week in OK magazine that she was pregnant.   This just came out of the blue, of course that is what her boyfriend may be saying right about now, but it was totally unexpected.  Britney denied the rumors even after being shown the article and having it read to her.  Well now it seems Brit is pissed that no one told her.  

Thie guy she is holding hands with is her 19 year old boyfriend Casey Aldridge.  After news broke the law agencies were looking into whether or not he could be charged with statutory rape.  For his sake, no they will not be charging him because both he and Jamie are under 21 and the time in which he impregnated her is in question. Oh and they met at a church a few years ago.  Where this hell is this church because I want to go.  I think there are only 2 single women near my age at the church where I attend and one is mentally handicapped.  Well, I think that is a good description of the Spears sisters...and one is mentally handicapped.

Jamie Lynn should have known like my former students tried to tell me that oral doesn't count.

This is the excepert of the magazine interview.  That is totally f'ed up.

This is the best part of this fiasco.  Lynne, momma Spears, was releasing a book about parenting even after all of Britney's antics the past few years.  Now with Jamie Lynn's pregnancy, the publishers realized that maybe this book won't sell and people will not take her advice.  She must feel like crap.  Well to cheer her up, I actually want a copy of her book just because I want to know how pretenious her drivel is.  

Well Christmas is almost here and tonight I think we are going to get slammed with yet another snow storm...7 to 10 inches.  Keep it real, kids.

The time is flying now that it is getting closer to Christmas.  I just am not in the mood for Christmas.  It is just getting too commercial.  Maybe it isn't commercial and I am just finally becoming an adult and the child-like mysticism of the holiday has left me.  Where is a Red Rider bb gun when you need one?  Oh well, time for crappy tattoos.

Oh yeah, fire!  I don't want to mess with that guy.  He may burn me with his flame of crap.

I really don't know what the hell this is supposed to be.  At first I was thinking it was supposed to be a clever attempt to make it look like his knee was all torn up and then I got thinking maybe it was a horse but now I am just thinking it is pure crap.

The first rule of tattoos should be never to tattoo someone else's name on your body no matter how much you are in love with that person.  This will happen.  It looks incomplete you say.  That is because this guy took a cheese grater to his tattoo in order to remove his ex's name.  Remember no names otherwise you get the cheese grater....hmmm...I wonder if the CIA has tried cheese graters to gather information from captured terrorists.

All I could do when I saw this tattoo was start to hum a song by The Beatles.  One of my favorite tunes, "Here Comes the Sun" but of course seeing this tattoo I had to hum the song considerably off-key.  Also I felt like getting high.

Awesome work, dude!  You have a square tattoo.  I know it is supposed to be a bar code and I bet it looked pretty sharp but when you get a tattoo you have to realize they fade and over time will look like hell.

Speaking of looking like hell, 20 years from now those tattoos won't be as petite and perky.

I have seen a lot of creepy tattoos and body modifications over the years but I think this one has got to be one of the most extreme.  A few years ago this guy got a tattoo of a busty woman on his arm but that wasn't enough.  He went to a plastic surgeon to get silicon implants not for his chest but for his tattoo's chest.  Yes, he wanted a 3D and...umm...interactive(?) tattoo.  I don't know whether to classify this as crap or creative.  Yes, you're probably right...crap.


The world famous spread eagle tattoo.  Now I think I have seen it all.

This is a shot from one of the books that the tattoo parlors keep.  Someone has willingly decided to wear a scarlet letter.

Sure Yoshi is a fun tattoo to get but once you arrive at a haunted castle, he will run away.

Ummmmm....thanks for shaving?

I like your tattoo, now put your damn theory to the test.  OK you know what I am lonely.  Another holiday alone.  Oh well, next week I will be doing a Christmas porn blog so watch out.

Well I haven't done this in a bit so I will be doing a comic update.  In my life news, nothing is new and I am really beginning to hate Christmas.  On to the comics.

Is it me or does the Green Lantern look like he is really giving it to that trolley?  I guess the best way to stop a runaway trolley is to grow 40 feet and sodomize the trolley.  I bet he is trying to rape Mr. Rogers' trolley, the one that talked to everyone by whistling and they always understood it.  Yeah make believe is sometimes unbelievable.

No way to fight them???????  Are you retard too you dick?????  How about you use your laser beam eyes on the ice creature and you use your ice breath on the fire beast.  Superman you are one incompetent dick.

Ummm, I bet this superhero's weakness is that he can't be choked.  Wait, he is a chicken that is choking the pilots in those planes.  He looks so terrible.  I bet that he just took a rubber glove and blew it up and that is how he got his mask.  God the 40s must have sucked.

His sidekick is seriously called Kitten.  I feel sorry for the guy that gets his ass kicked by someone that is named Kitten.  I think the Kitten is the least intimidating name ever in comic book history.

OK my problem with this one reveals the geek in me. A flying wheel just doesn't seem like it would be that effective against a metal jet or at high altitudes where there wouldn't be enough oxygen to burn.  OK it wouldn't work at all. 

So when I heard of a comic called The Bouncer, I was not expecting to see a guy in a dress bouncing around and bouncing his enemies.  This is one of the worst cases of misinformation in comic books.

I cannot believe this.  The Teen Titans refuse to let Spider Girl join.  They pick a guy who has two heads and cracks horrible jokes.  Yes, I two-headed bad comedian is much better than someone who can tie people up with her hair. 

This guy has only one weakness...NO WIND!

YES!  Wonder Woman likes to get smacked around.  Wonder Woman is so hot.

Super Lassoing is one of his new strengths just invented for this issue and never to be seen again.  Yee-haw!!

OK my geekiness is going to reveal itself again.  How the hell can a subterranean city have it's own weather system?  I'm just saying.

Superman doesn't like to lose at Rock-Paper-Scissors

Until next time please don't hold my geekdom against me.

Just when I thought that I couldn't get much harder after seeing the new poster for Indiana Jones, today the trailer for the next episode in the new Batman saga was leaked on the internet...prepare for The Dark Knight.