It is getting colder outside.  It is nearly Christmas.  Usually on nights like tonight I would just down a bottle of Evan Williams and call it a night.  Tonight I am going to start off with a steaming hot amount of Coco.

God I am so turned on by women who have a matching purse and coat ensemble.  Actually no but this is Coco.

Adrianne Palicki of Friday Night Lights sure knows how to light up my Friday Night.  Now if only she was dressed as Mrs. Claus, I could say that she makes my pole point north.

Here we see Britney modeling for her newest venture: blow up doll.  Actually she is in a gas station.  She is showing the paparazzi that she just stole a lighter.  Yes, she was proud of this and then her handler decided that Britney didn't need a shoplifting conviction during her recent custody battle so the handler paid $1.25 for the lighter.  Britney you are a badass.  Britney didn't show up for a deposition in court this week because she said she was sick from anxiety.  Later on in the evening Britney was seen out and about and she said that she was actually not sick but upset because her assistant was not allowed to purchase Britney's morning venit frappachino from Starbucks because Starbucks has forbidden Britney or her staff from shopping at their stores because of the media circus following her in the stores.  Also, she was supposedly going to debut her new video on the news show 20/20 of all places this evening.  You can see it here.  All I have to say is that she looks rather constipated and trying to push out a major dump. 

Hayden, you don't know what you are doing to me.

Legendary wife beater and singer, Ike Turner, died this week.  I never really was a fan but I do know that the horrible movie, What's Love Got to Do With It, portrayed him as the devil incarnate.  This is one of the funniest headlines I have seen in awhile.

It has been rumored this week that Queen Latifah got married.  I have been thinking what guy would marry her but according to reports Queen Latifah may be a lesbian and this woman she is with is her new wife.  I, in all confidence, can say the Queen is actually the king in their relationship.

In an interview this week Jack Nicholson said that it is possible he could have 9000 kids.  That is a rather large admission.  Here I thought I was a slut but then I guess my hands don't count.

I was wondering how Jack could get 9000 women.  I mean he isn't extremely attractive and he isn't the best actor in the world.  Then I see a picture like this and I have no doubts that Jack is the man.

Here are a couple of shots of the Kim Kardashian Playboy spread.  Okay the pearls creep me out because it is a euphemism and she looks like she has a botched Brazilian.  In her ass picture it doesn't look freakishly large.  Maybe she wears a prosthetic.

I was watching a celebrity news show and it said that Lauren Conrad had a big announcement to make.  I think it was just to announce that she was on the cover of a fitness magazine but I like her showing her big announcement to me.  OK that didn't come out right.  I like that she is showing me sideboob.  Yes, it is nice and big.  I will listen attentively to any other announcements that she makes.

Lily Allen knows how to make me smile.

Jessica Alba is pregnant.  Her boyfriend Cash Warren is the father.  I can't believe she fell for a guy named Cash.  I guess he is going to be living up to his name, that and knowing that he fathered her child.  I can see his smug smile all the way here in the Midwest.

Rumors are spreading that Lindsay Lohan is already back to drinking and doing drugs.  The good thing about her rehab has been that she has been bra free since she was released.

Jessica Simpson is doing her best Anna Nicole Smith impersonation.  Jessica is so desperate to have a breakthrough movie role that she is desperately trying to get the role in a movie that Hollywood insiders say that whoever gets the female lead role will automatically get an Oscar nomination.  The only downside to the role would be that there would be numerous amounts of nudity.  I think she would still be annoying naked and probably fart and burp and talk about cans of tuna all the while I am trying to stare at her plastic chest.  Here's hoping that she lands this role and it doesn't go straight to dvd like her last movie.

Um, Maria Sharapova, remember two weeks ago when I warned Shia Lebouf about the dangers of eating bananas in public?  No, well carry on then.

Katie Holmes is brainwashed.  Here is a recent quote, "Tom likes me in a suit and a mini every now and then. I like it when he
likes it. It makes me blush. He’ll say, ‘You look good. I hope
security’s going with you.’ Now that gives me attitude."  Well, Katie, you're not the only one that Tom likes in a suit.  You just happen to be the only one who wears "woman pants".  Katie also went on to say how he like her to dress up as a sweaty football player, burly construction worker, and David Beckham.  Then her collar started shocking her and her assistants had to carry her away.

I really dislike Desperate Housewives.  I just think it is a horrible show and it is inspiring women to pull some of the crap that they pull on that show.  Well I think the writers on strike should listen to this story so that they can somehow import it into a Desperate Housewives storyline.  Tony Parker is married to Eva Longoria, star of Desperate Housewives.  Well this French model was recently interviewed and said, "We had room service. He said that Eva, sexually speaking, does not
want to do certain things. She does not want to make love in front of a
mirror, does not like certain positions and thinks that sperm gives you
acne."  So this has been taking place while there is also rumors running that Eva Longoria is pregnant.  Oh and you may be asking yourself when Tony met the model.  It was at his wedding of course and within weeks of marriage Tony started text messaging her.  Ladies, I have text messaging on my phone....just to let you know.

Here are newlyweds Pam Anderson and Rick Solomon.  This has to be a photo that they are sending to television networks to show that they are ready to have their own reality show.  Hell, they are giving those shows out to everyone.  I am in negotiations to have my own reality series.  Well no I am not but I think I am as famous as some of the people on tv, especially all the reality series on TLC.  The dog had no comment.

I saw this poster earlier this week and I have to admit I have an erection.  

Jenna Jameson is still alive but she is slowly melting away.  
This is how I will always remember Jenna.

Have a good weekend.