So Christmas has come and went and I am still here.  I guess it wasn't a question whether of not I would still be here but sometimes stupid things happen.  Well it certainly doesn't feel like Friday.  I hate when you get out of that "day feeling" routine.  Christmas made things feel all different.  Oh well I guess I will survive.  I hope everyone had a decent Christmas time or whatever holiday it is that you choose to celebrate.  Anyway I have some celebrities here who have been naughty and I am going to dump coal down their stockings and not in a sexual innuendo type of way.

Jessica Simpson's new movie, Blonde Ambition, was saved from a straight to DVD  release and screened on 8 screens in her home state of Texas last weekend.  Too bad that the movie took in only $400 worth of ticket sales.  Yes, $400!  That is $50 per screen and figure maybe 7-8 screenings over the weekend so it averages about 1 ticket per screening.  I think it would have been less humiliating to go straight to dvd.  Jessica, not only did you taint Tony Romo's season, now this bomb could ruin Luke Wilson's career.  Stick to what it is that you are best at, being stupid and silent.

Ricky Martin may not be gay after all but he does look sort of confused as what to do next.

Paris Hilton likes it in the can.  Well champagne that is.  She is the new spokesperson for a new brand of champagne that comes in a can.  OK I just can't resist any jokes about Paris and coming in the can.  Paris you deserve with all your sextapes. 

Mischa Barton loves the weed.  Things have went downhill for her since The OC was canceled.  Just this week she was arrested for dui, possession of narcotics and driving without a license.  The writers strike is beginning to affect those stars who are on the fringe.  Poor Mischa.

This week Will Smith made a comment in which he said Hitler wasn't all bad.  Well the Jewish Defamation League didn't quite like his comments so Will offered a heart-felt apology for his comments.  Too bad he didn't he didn't offer an apology for I am Legend.

Remember Tatu?  The pseudo-lesbian pop group from Russia?  Well they might be lesbians after all.  Have you noticed that everyone is pregnant?  Is this like a new fad in Hollywood?

Luckily for her any fetus Lindsay Lohan isn't pregnant.  This week her rehab lover came out and said that she is a nymphomaniac and that she craved sex and more sex and that sometimes they did it four times in a row.  Only 4?  Here she is sporting a nice cross and a nice outbreak of acne.  Lindsay also came across the gossip this week when one of her girlfriends said that Lindsay and her had relations.  So maybe she just couldn't be satisfied by her rehab boyfriend and she needed to get it from a woman.  Also Lindsay was asked what she thought of Jamie Lynn Spears being pregnant and Lindsay answered, "Who cares?"  Yes, Lindsay, who cares, well this guy cares because sometimes I hope that my knowledge of celebrity gossip gets me laid.

I do know that if I was with Kim Kardashian I wouldn't get laid mostly because I am not tan enough.  Here she is with Reggie Bush, that has officially tainted his career.  Have you noticed anything about the guys Kim dates?  I guess the only thing a white guy could do for Kim is to give her directions on how to get to the nearest black guy.

Here is a recent shot of Jenna Jameson at a Hollywood charity toy drive.  Hopefully none of the kids got cock rings or dildos in their stockings after Jenna went through.

Could someone please get Grandma Hillary a makeover?

Remember Danielle Fishel?  She played Topanga on Boy Meets World.  She also dated gay Lance Bass.  Well recently she was arrested for DWI.  Oh she too is affected by the writers strike, but she has been affected since Boy Meets World went off the air years ago.  She was probably trying to drink away the fact that she dated a guy who was gay.  Seriously that would be embarassing.  My mom should know.

Chasity Bono is set to star in the sequel to Superbad, Super Butch.  Actually not but I think that would be pretty funny.

Brooke Hogan is rumored to be trying to make a run at the wrestling ring just like her father.  Her name is going to be She-Man.

Britney Spears you dumb slut.  This week Britney felt compelled to appear in public displaying her nipples and her recent one-night stand.  yes, Britney is screwing the paparazzi.  I guess it is fitting because she is around them 24/7.  In case you were wondering, the douche bag in the knit hat and gray hoodie is the "lucky" guy who bedded Britney.

Merry Christmas Britney.  Apparently she would not let her children open the presents they received from her parents.  She absolutely refuses to let her parents have any contact.  No one seems to know why, but maybe that rumor of K-Fed shacking up with Britney's mom are true.  One of the gifts that her kids received were LeapFrog reading toys.  One problem I see with this toy is that Britney doesn't know how to play with it.  I'm sure her children will be smarter than her in just a matter of a few years.

Finally the last part of the Spears family saga.  It is being rumored this week that Jamie Lynn's boyfriend may not be the father of her child.  Apparently they have been broken up and apart in the time in which she would have gotten pregnant.  He was with her but then she probably would be over 6 months pregnant and well she doesn't look 6 months pregnant.  Here is where it gets creepy.  The father may be a Nickolodeon executive who is older than myself and to avoid statutory rape charges told Jamie Lynn to say it was her boyfriend's baby.  Well well well, just when you thought the only thing missing from the Spears family saga was a paternity crisis this happens. Where is Maury Povich when you need him?  The only thing missing from this story is a condom.  Have a great weekend.