Month: January 2008

  • I am getting excited about this weekend and at the same time I am thinking it will be hard.  I am going to be around my friends which is always a good thing but I am going to be the only single person there. Maybe not because one of my friends isn't bringing his wife but you get the point.  I wonder if there are any hookers in New Ulm because this is getting ridiculous.  Well not as ridiculous as some of the crappy tattoos I have found.

    Wow, someone else calls them wings....ummm yes, those things on buterflies....this girl and I both like to stretch butterfly wings...whew that was close.

    I think they point to where she emits gas.  Are those supposed to be guns because if they are fired in that general area...well the explosion will be immense.

    So is this the famous "Your brain on drugs" ad?  Maybe it is but in this case I think it is your scalp is on drugs or at least a breakfast of bangers and mash.

    This is one of the first tramp stamps that I have seen that seems untrampy.

    This is a case of truth in advertising.

    Simply put...WORST TATTOO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Your ass has a bouncer.  Seriously, I do not know whether to classify this as crappy or classy.  Roadhouse is one of the best movies about bouncing.  When I worked the door at a club I turned to Patrick Swayze for bouncing tips....ahh it is crap because I guess you are just telling people to stay away from your virgin ass if you put a bouncer on it but in actuality it is probably more of an invitation.

    This tattoo comes with patches of real fur.

    Crazy for getting this tattoo.

    I think your dragon is dead.

    What a devoted mother!!!!  You know they do grow up.  Could you image ten to fifteen years after this the kid who is on her back might have some real problems.

    Hmmm the yin yang....a belief that there are two primal opposing but complementary principles or cosmic
    forces said to be found in all non-static objects and processes in the
    universe.  So basically a good force is there with a bad force.  This guy must have done a lot of bad things in life because he got branded with a crappy tattoo.

    Well that is all for this week of crappy tattoos.  I do not yet know when I will be taking off tomorrow.  Hopefully I can spit out a celebrity round up before I take off.  If not have a great weekend.

  • Been gone a few days trying to figure things out.  I am going to New Ulm this weekend to be with my friends but not at the brewery, I just can't be out in the cold and I need to stay healthy because I still am 27 and do not want to be 27 forever anymore.  Anyway I broke out in rashes today because one of my cats is shedding and their dander agitates my skin.  I guess that is what having chicken pox three times does to a person.  My skin is my weakness.  That probably wouldn't make for an interesting comic book superhero but for some reason this stuff did...time for a super update.

    Any ladies care to comment on this one?  Maybe you will have to enlarge the picture to get a better idea of what perversions are transpiring.  I just hope Janice doesn't find out the real reason why Pop brought her home early.

    So Batman likes water sports as well.

    Taken out of context, Batman may seem to be a pedophile.  I wonder if he got caught on To Catch a Predator during his "search" for another teen boy.  I bet his screen name would be something like Buttman.

    Batman, you so crazy!

    How can anyone claim that Batman isn't gay after seeing this cell?

    This is what really happens in the Bat Cave.
     
    This is one hell of a distraction.  Maybe the Croc Man could have thrown flower vases and that would have maybe Batman run faster than the puppies.

    This comic and all action contained therein brought to you by the Republican Party.

    That is one clever disguise.  Ok, maybe not.  Give the Daredevil a break, he is blind.
     
    Here is Superman in his true form, a touchy feely pervert.  I guess a little Superman lies inside each man, except the gays.

    and Super Pimp says, "Where's my money?"

    Spiderman likes to be very close to men....uh maybe he and Batman should get together.

    I'll be back tomorrow with a crappy tattoo update.

  • Is it possible that life has no meaning?  Lately I have felt this way.  I just have this feeling that I serve absolutely no purpose in this world and life has passed me by.  I just have no place and that my family and friends have no use for me anymore.  Maybe it is just this winter starting to drive me mad.  Either way I don't feel that life has anything in store for me and the best has come and went.

    For those of you who decided to waste your money this weekend and paid money to see Rambo.

  • Barack Obama won the South Carolina primary.  I am pleased.  He defeated Hillary at a margin of 2 to 1 almost nearly 3 to 1.  Anyway I am happy.  Not much is going, just a touch of the stomach flu.  I have been taking things slow.  Well I have decided I am going to hit you up with some music because my microphones aren't working therefore negating my chances of starting my own blog radio show so this will have to do for now.

    The Toadies- "Possum Kingdom"

    Spacehog- "In the Meantime"

    William Shatner- "Common People"

    Seven Mary Three- "Cumbersome"

    Say Hi to Your Mom- "Hooplas Involving Circus Tricks"

    The Refreshments- "Down Together"

    Queen- "Don't Stop Me Now"

    Queen- "I Want to Break Free"

    Presidents of the United States of America- "Back Porch"

    Manu Chao- "Me Gustas Tu"

    Cornershop- "Brimful of Asha"

    Bloodhound Gang- "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo"

    Butthole Surfers- "Pepper"

    Chicago- "25 or 6 to 4"

    Ernie Marrs and the Marrs Family- "Plastic Jesus"

    In case you were wondering here is Barack Obama's speech.  I was really moved and by the way Hillary, suck it.

    Over two weeks ago, we saw the people of Iowa proclaim
    that our time for change has come. But there were those who doubted
    this country’s desire for something new – who said Iowa was a fluke not
    to be repeated again.

    Well,
    tonight, the cynics who believed that what began in the snows of Iowa
    was just an illusion were told a different story by the good people of
    South Carolina.

    After four great contests in every
    corner of this country, we have the most votes, the most delegates, and
    the most diverse coalition of Americans we’ve seen in a long, long
    time.

    They are young and old; rich and poor. They are
    black and white; Latino and Asian. They are Democrats from Des Moines
    and Independents from Concord; Republicans from rural Nevada and young
    people across this country who’ve never had a reason to participate
    until now. And in nine days, nearly half the nation will have the
    chance to join us in saying that we are tired of business-as-usual in
    Washington, we are hungry for change, and we are ready to believe again.

    But
    if there’s anything we’ve been reminded of since Iowa, it’s that the
    kind of change we seek will not come easy. Partly because we have fine
    candidates in the field – fierce competitors, worthy of respect. And as
    contentious as this campaign may get, we have to remember that this is
    a contest for the Democratic nomination, and that all of us share an
    abiding desire to end the disastrous policies of the current
    administration.

    But there are real differences
    between the candidates. We are looking for more than just a change of
    party in the White House. We’re looking to fundamentally change the
    status quo in Washington – a status quo that extends beyond any
    particular party. And right now, that status quo is fighting back with
    everything it’s got; with the same old tactics that divide and distract
    us from solving the problems people face, whether those problems are
    health care they can’t afford or a mortgage they cannot pay.

    So this will not be easy. Make no mistake about what we’re up against.

    We
    are up against the belief that it’s ok for lobbyists to dominate our
    government – that they are just part of the system in Washington. But
    we know that the undue influence of lobbyists is part of the problem,
    and this election is our chance to say that we’re not going to let them
    stand in our way anymore.

    We are up against the
    conventional thinking that says your ability to lead as President comes
    from longevity in Washington or proximity to the White House. But we
    know that real leadership is about candor, and judgment, and the
    ability to rally Americans from all walks of life around a common
    purpose – a higher purpose.

    We are up against decades
    of bitter partisanship that cause politicians to demonize their
    opponents instead of coming together to make college affordable or
    energy cleaner; it’s the kind of partisanship where you’re not even
    allowed to say that a Republican had an idea – even if it’s one you
    never agreed with. That kind of politics is bad for our party, it’s bad
    for our country, and this is our chance to end it once and for all.

    We
    are up against the idea that it’s acceptable to say anything and do
    anything to win an election. We know that this is exactly what’s wrong
    with our politics; this is why people don’t believe what their leaders
    say anymore; this is why they tune out. And this election is our chance
    to give the American people a reason to believe again.

    And
    what we’ve seen in these last weeks is that we’re also up against
    forces that are not the fault of any one campaign, but feed the habits
    that prevent us from being who we want to be as a nation. It’s the
    politics that uses religion as a wedge, and patriotism as a bludgeon. A
    politics that tells us that we have to think, act, and even vote within
    the confines of the categories that supposedly define us. The
    assumption that young people are apathetic. The assumption that
    Republicans won’t cross over. The assumption that the wealthy care
    nothing for the poor, and that the poor don’t vote. The assumption that
    African-Americans can’t support the white candidate; whites can’t
    support the African-American candidate; blacks and Latinos can’t come
    together.

    But we are here tonight to say that this is
    not the America we believe in. I did not travel around this state over
    the last year and see a white South Carolina or a black South Carolina.
    I saw South Carolina. I saw crumbling schools that are stealing the
    future of black children and white children. I saw shuttered mills and
    homes for sale that once belonged to Americans from all walks of life,
    and men and women of every color and creed who serve together, and
    fight together, and bleed together under the same proud flag. I saw
    what America is, and I believe in what this country can be.

    That
    is the country I see. That is the country you see. But now it is up to
    us to help the entire nation embrace this vision. Because in the end,
    we are not just up against the ingrained and destructive habits of
    Washington, we are also struggling against our own doubts, our own
    fears, and our own cynicism. The change we seek has always required
    great struggle and sacrifice. And so this is a battle in our own hearts
    and minds about what kind of country we want and how hard we’re willing
    to work for it.

    So let me remind you tonight that
    change will not be easy. That change will take time. There will be
    setbacks, and false starts, and sometimes we will make mistakes. But as
    hard as it may seem, we cannot lose hope. Because there are people all
    across this country who are counting us; who can’t afford another four
    years without health care or good schools or decent wages because our
    leaders couldn’t come together and get it done.

    Theirs are the stories and voices we carry on from South Carolina.

    The
    mother who can’t get Medicaid to cover all the needs of her sick child
    – she needs us to pass a health care plan that cuts costs and makes
    health care available and affordable for every single American.

    The
    teacher who works another shift at Dunkin Donuts after school just to
    make ends meet – she needs us to reform our education system so that
    she gets better pay, and more support, and her students get the
    resources they need to achieve their dreams.

    The
    Maytag worker who is now competing with his own teenager for a
    $7-an-hour job at Wal-Mart because the factory he gave his life to shut
    its doors – he needs us to stop giving tax breaks to companies that
    ship our jobs overseas and start putting them in the pockets of working
    Americans who deserve it. And struggling homeowners. And seniors who
    should retire with dignity and respect.

    The woman who
    told me that she hasn’t been able to breathe since the day her nephew
    left for Iraq, or the soldier who doesn’t know his child because he’s
    on his third or fourth tour of duty – they need us to come together and
    put an end to a war that should’ve never been authorized and never been
    waged.

    The choice in this election is not between
    regions or religions or genders. It’s not about rich versus poor; young
    versus old; and it is not about black versus white.

    It’s about the past versus the future.

    It’s
    about whether we settle for the same divisions and distractions and
    drama that passes for politics today, or whether we reach for a
    politics of common sense, and innovation – a shared sacrifice and
    shared prosperity.

    There are those who will continue
    to tell us we cannot do this. That we cannot have what we long for.
    That we are peddling false hopes.

    But here’s what I
    know. I know that when people say we can’t overcome all the big money
    and influence in Washington, I think of the elderly woman who sent me a
    contribution the other day – an envelope that had a money order for
    $3.01 along with a verse of scripture tucked inside. So don’t tell us
    change isn’t possible.

    When I hear the cynical talk
    that blacks and whites and Latinos can’t join together and work
    together, I’m reminded of the Latino brothers and sisters I organized
    with, and stood with, and fought with side by side for jobs and justice
    on the streets of Chicago. So don’t tell us change can’t happen.

    When
    I hear that we’ll never overcome the racial divide in our politics, I
    think about that Republican woman who used to work for Strom Thurmond,
    who’s now devoted to educating inner-city children and who went out
    onto the streets of South Carolina and knocked on doors for this
    campaign. Don’t tell me we can’t change.

    Yes we can change.

    Yes we can heal this nation.

    Yes we can seize our future.

    And
    as we leave this state with a new wind at our backs, and take this
    journey across the country we love with the message we’ve carried from
    the plains of Iowa to the hills of New Hampshire; from the Nevada
    desert to the South Carolina coast; the same message we had when we
    were up and when we were down – that out of many, we are one; that
    while we breathe, we hope; and where we are met with cynicism, and
    doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that
    timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people in three simple
    words:

    Yes. We. Can.

  • Celebrity Round Up

    Another week has come and went and as I write this I look out my window and notice....MORE SNOW!  This winter is finally reminding me of the winters of my childhood where you would get incredible amounts of snow followed by extreme cold followed by more snow, the vicious circle of a Wisconsin winter.  I don't know what better way to heat things up than celebrity gossip in my weekly celebrity round up. 

    My recent celebrity crush Amy Winehouse hit rock bottom this week when she was filmed smoking crack and snorting a mixture of ecstasy, coccaine, and valium.  So what did she do??????

    Amy went to rehab...yes yes yes.  I will wait and hopefully she gets her life turned around.

    Angelina Jolie is rumored to be pregnant with twins.  At recent gala affairs she has said that she is only able to drink water.  It is now official...everyone in Hollywood is pregnant. 

    Charlize Theron is pretty good looking but she proved how stupid she is this week.  She was talking about how much she loved traveling in Turkey and said Budapest was her favorite Turkish city....if you don't understand consult your local geography teacher.

    Cloverfield was a box office hit while Mad Money was not.  I guess it proves America loves monsters not named Katie Holmes.

    While I am talking about Katie Holmes I might as well pass this little nugget along.  There are reports coming out today that Suri may not be Tom Cruise's child...no not LRH's either.  Chris Klein was romantically linked to Katie and apparently to further add specualtion no one was with Katie when she gave birth other than Tom and some Scientology doctor.  Another nugget was that Suri didn't have a birth certificate until months after her birth.  This fueled the rumors that Suri wasn't real.  Anyway this is still developing so stay tuned.

    Tom Cruise is insane.  Other than suing websites that posted a video of him talking about Scientology the guy has major issues.  Nicole Kidman was pregnant with his child years ago. Well she had a miscarriage.  Tom ordered her to save the placenta and have it frozen so that if anyone questioned him as to whether he was the father or gay he could have proof that he indeed fathered a child.  God, someone please get Suri away from him.

    David Beckham was in Sierra Leone this week doing something...this is just for the ladies so enjoy.

    Brad Renfro died last week and this is how E! News paid tribute.  You would think a major network devoted to celebrity gossip could at least get the guy's name right.

    Stacy Kiebler and some unamed Asian motorcyclist beauty....ladies and gentlemen...I present...MY HEAVEN!!!!

    Sean Lennon was recently photographed in New York with a mysterious woman....now if I could only figure out which one is Sean.

    Scarlet Johanson is engaged to Ryan Reynolds although neither party will comment.  It just proofs that you don't need to have any talent or charisma to land a hot chick.

    Rhianna, you forgot your umbrella...not to mention your clothes...oh well.

    The pregnancy craze is also spreading to the music field/crackhead hall of fame.  Pete Doherty is going to be a crackhead father of a crackhead baby with a girl who looks like she just got out of 8th grade...to think this guy was nailing Kate Moss.  I guess crack makes you do crazy things and crazy people.

    Paris Hilton has officially become irrelevant.

    Paris Hilton has now ruined video games for me.

    Here is a photo of Paris Hilton and Jared Leto swapping STDs.  Hey Jared, you should see how she says goodbye.

    Mariah Carey was recently photographed topless in an attempt to get her career back on track and to prove she is not crazy...hmmm it's working for me.

    Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana recently had some racy photos released on her myspace.  God what is wrong with kids today?  Don't they understand there are ramifiations of posting seminude pics?  There is a good story of this in La Crosse.  A group of athletes had a beer bash and photos surfaced on a mysapce and teachers were alerted and now they are kicked off teams.  What is next for Miley though?  Nude pictures? A sex tape?  An audition to be the next tubgirl?  Mile is involved in another breaking news story.  A teen was arrested for making terrorist threats of hijacking a plane and flying into a venue where she was performing and this was all supposed to go down tonight.  Maybe he wanted to be her friend on myspace and she didn't accept.

    Lindsay Lohan found out where she will have to spend her community service.  She will be working at the LA County morgue.  I guess this is fitting because she is a nympho and used to being around stiffs.

    Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush were photographed at Sundance outside of a Lifestyles Condom photobooth. When you receive your photos you also get condoms.  What a novel idea!  Too bad Kim K isn't a good condom spokesperson for condoms seeing that she didn't use any in her only famous movie role.
     
    Jessica Simpson is persuading Tony Romo to sing a duet with her on her forthcoming country album.  Apparentely Tony doesn't want to be with Jessica anymore because of the distraction she brings, well she doesn't take the whole, "lets be friends" thing to well.  Apparently one of her handlers is saying that she is stalking Tony Romo.  Hopefully this continues into next season and makes the cowboys a horrible team.

    Jessica Biel is Poca-hotness in this new ad for a Pocahontas ride at Disney.

    You know this isn't so bad of an idea....unless she decides to pull a Juno.  Jamie Lynn does have a future in comedy because she said she is giving up her baby to focus on her.....(wait for the punchline)....CAREER!!!!

    Hayden you are my bi-curious hero.

    Fergie was recently photographed in concert with her fly open...at least this time it wasn't pictures of her pissing herself.

    Britney Spears broke up with her paparazzi boyfriend because she figured out that he was using her to sell exclusive pictures.  She then got a restraining order.  Hopefully this one lasts.  


    It was revealed this week that Britney has bad allergies...allergies to bras.

    Britney no longer has custody of her children and last week there was rumors that she was pregnant.  Well a photo has surfaced this week with disgusting proof that Britney is not pregnant to another child that she will lose custody of...be warned.

    The biggest news of the week was the untimely death of Heath Ledger.  Here he is with his daughter.  There are so many stories as to what actually happened that I won't even touch this story.  It is just tragic.

    This is one of the last known photos of Heath Ledger on the set of his last film which now might not be finished.

    Best Buy recently was trying to cash in on this tragedy.  No this isn't doctored but many Best Buys around the country are reported to have set these stands up.  Sick.

    I'll be back tomorrow or Sunday with a whole new update.

  • Tonight was an interesting night.  Basically I accomplished nothing.  I was planning on finishing a book but I didn't.  My mom begged me to take her to Wal-Mart because she doesn't like night driving and driving through the country because of deer.  Anyway I also had to help her get a microwave and then take it to the hospital for her new department.  So she asked me what I wanted for taking her out and she said something about this band I used to listen to having a new album she said, "Radio....something or other."  She bought me the new Radiohead album which is stellar.  I dummied myself down by purchasing the new Saw movie.  Saw IV...I guess I have enjoyed the others because they make you think...think how disgusting the movie is and how never would I want myself in that predicament.  I came home and had a beer because beer helps me digest hot and spicy food.  I had chicken curry so a Russian Imperial Stout was called for.  Now what is called for is making fun of crappy tattoos.


    Anatomy class will be a cinch for this guy...as long as he tattoos every other bone on his body.

    Anatomy class will be a cinch for this guy as well.  At least that is what a heart looks like but the only downfall was that it is on his arm.  Ah...I guess he would fail the cardiac tests.

    Hey ladies, anyone else out there like this new style of bra?  I wonder if that could be acceptable in public.

    But don't they grow up????

    He was devastated when he learned that he didn't get hired to be a new member of the Rockettes.

    Ummmm no thank you.

    I'm not that crazy for Swayze to get him tattooed on my body forever...granted if it was a Roadhouse tattoo and not Dirty Dancing....well no what the hell am I thinking that is a horrible idea.

    You moron!  Because you got this tattoo you are now going to get stomped by Italian plumbers.

    Only Hugh Jackman in The Fountain can tattoo his age on his body.

    So pirates really suck...I'm not getting into that debate about which is being better pirates or ninjas.  Neither are around today so grow up and face facts that because you got this tattoo you have destined yourself to a life of ridicule and working at Wal-Mart...yes I criticize Wal-Mart(more on another day).

    Wow, she really likes agricultural equipment.

    The tramp stamp is officially not cool anymore.

    I will be back later with a celebrity round up...have a swell Thursday evening and Friday morning.

  • The death of Heath Ledger is still pretty shocking and already people at FOX Noise are making jokes at his expense.  One was saying the reason he killed himself is because of Brokeback Mountain and that movie made him weird.  Hmmm I wonder if Bill Orally should be considered a weirdo telling a woman he wanted to be a loofah and soap her up.  Anyway on to some comics.

    Why is Batman telling Ivan not to be so fast while Batman's face is in Ivan's lap?  Oh yeah Batman is gay.

    Ummm Batman is really gay.

    Grabbing room???? Batman is REALLY gay.

    Are they hosing down criminals or REALLY GAY?  My vote is going to gay.

    So this frequently happens in my sleep.  I tie up Wonder Woman and then she is forced to obey me and I make her fight lions.  Man I should really be a comic book writer.

    When I squeeze my superman his head doesn't pop off but he spits at me.

    So Superman is how the US began their oil relations with Saudi Arabia.

    They really know how to make the imagery strike men in the subconscious.

    So Superman's math skills are about as useful as any calculator you can find at Radio Shack.

    So the root of all evil is actually a big giant root that loves to tie up women.  Yes even roots are into bondage or maybe it is just because Wonder Woman is involved and she has a history of kink.

    Spiderman finds himself "visiting" a girl.  I think it is more like stalking.  Anyway he says he is going to show her what she is missing by not dating Spiderman.  WHAT SHE IS MISSING???????  I will tell you what she is missing: a guy who lives with his aunt and has no steady job.

    Supergirl a mad killer?  No duh!  Look at her pedigree.  She is related to the biggest jerk in the galaxy.  Why are people so dumb?

    I'll be back tomorrow with a tattoo update.

  • Actor Heath Ledger
    was found dead at a Manhattan apartment Tuesday afternoon in what
    appeared to be a possible drug-related death; he was 28. The actor was
    discovered in one of the SoHo apartment's bedrooms at 3:31 p.m., when a
    masseuse arrived for a scheduled appointment and the residence's
    housekeeper went to inform the actor of the masseuse's arrival. He was
    found unconscious and unresponsive; the New York Times stated that the
    apartment in question belonged to actress Mary-Kate Olsen,
    who was not present and was believed to be out of state. An initial
    police report also cited by the New York Times said that foul play was
    not suspected and that pills had been found near Ledger's body. A
    native of Australia, Ledger shot to fame as a teen heartthrob in 10 Things I Hate About You before graduating to more adult roles, most notably his Oscar-nominated turn in Brokeback Mountain. Engaged at one time to Brokeback co-star Michelle Williams, the two had a daughter but had split in recent months. Earlier this year, Ledger wrapped filming on the Batman film The Dark Knight,
    in which he played The Joker; the film is currently set for release
    this summer. Further details of the actor's death were not available at
    press time. --IMDb staff

    Holy crap!  This sadly makes me interested in The Dark Knight because I have heard how this new Joker role was so demanding and Ledger played the role so demented.

  • Brother Ali returns to Madison on 2/29 at the High Noon Saloon.

    Oh it is getting cold.  I went outside to do some work on my car and I had to wear about three layers.  At least I didn't have an asthma attack this time.  I guess this is the weather that seperates Wisconsin from the rest of the country but the first deep freeze is the hardest.  Thankfully it won't last long, just long enough to make Eli Manning freeze up on the hallowed grounds of Lambeau Field.  I do want to warn my friends out there who are planning on a Bockfest trip that if the Packers win Sunday, I will not be traveling to Minnesota because that is the same weekend as the Super Bowl.  Anyway time for a celebrity round up.

    X-tina gave birth to her first child this weekend, a boy named Max Liron.  There are no photos of the baby yet.

    Nicole Richie gave birth to a girl this weekend named Harlow Winter.  Yes, that name is correct.  Why is it that celebrates give their children these absurd names?  Harlow? Apple? Fifi-Trixiebelle? Indiana? Moxie Crimefighter?  OK, don't believe me look those names up.  NO this isn't the baby but well I can just imagine it is close.

    I get it....Tara Reid is a zombie.

    Scarlet Johanson thinks she is a singer.  She is on a tribute album to Tom Waits and she is releasing a solo album.  I have been really getting into Tom Waits the past few months and well when I heard this I wanted to jam pencils into my ear drums.  Maybe I will stick with Dogstar and that one with the guy who got his ass kicked in Fight Club and Bruce Willis had a decent blues band, but I think she should stick to being the cute sidekick ala Ghost World.

    Rachael Ray is a spokesperson for Dunkin Donuts.  At the recent taping of one of her ads to promote their coffee, after the cameras were done rolling Rachael tasted the Dunkin Donuts coffee, spit it out, and started screaming, "What is this shit!  Get MY coffee!"  She then resumed snapping at everyone and refused to do anymore work until she had her own coffee from Starbucks.  When I say her own coffee I mean they make a special blend.  Tall, double soy, caramel machiato, half caff, a twist of asshole, and a pinch of the c-word.  You know for a woman who admits she is constantly battling her weight, is calorie filled Starbucks the best place to get a coffee fix?  She should try one of Emril's famous protein shakes, BAM!  Ok sex jokes aside; I walked in on my dad once watching Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Meals and he was oohing and aahing and then he said, "Thanks, Rachael, you are the best!"  Yes, it is sad because he then kissed the cover of her book.  I think I liked him better when he was reading porn all the time.

    Pink looks sad.  I wonder if she lost the audition to play Liza Minnelli.

    This is a photo from Paris Hilton's recent photoshoot for Fila.  I think she is treating this photoshoot as if it were a sex tape because well I think the sex tape is the only thing that people have enjoyed that features her acting.

    Oprah Winfrey is starting her very own network.  She will be taking over the Discovery Health channel and I think the netowrk will be called OWN(Oprah Winfrey's Network).  People, Revelations is being fulfilled.  The seeds of the Antichrist have been sown.

    So everyone's favorite whore...I mean reality star, New York is rumored to be the star of a sex tape.  Are you really surprised?  I have viewed the tape and yes my retinas are still entact and no I do not have any transmitted diseases.  I guess I am not at all surprised by this because wasn't her career heading this way and isn't I Love New york nothing more than a 10 week soft core porno?  VH-1 has said that it is not New York.  The controversy lies in the timing of the ummm "deed".  The guy came forward with the tape and said it occured 2 months ago....2 months ago the show was finished and she had picked Tailor Made and the guy in the tape is not him.  I guess all of this could be leading to Tailor Made leavning New York and lucky us get to see another season of I Love New York.  If you want to see the tape go here but be warned it is 3 minutes of your life you will never get back.  Hahahaha...3 minutes...I think a lot of women wish they had 3 minutes of their lives back at some point.

    Here's a recent photo of Natalie Imbruligia in a bikini.  I wonder if this photo was released 10 years ago, if her career would have taken off because that is the society we live in...look what it did for Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.

    Matthew McConaughey announced this week that he is going to be a father.  Seriously, is birth control illegal in California?

    Wow, Lindsay Lohan actually is looking better.

    Fergie is now pregnant.  Please somebody stop the insanity.  Where is Susan Powter when you need her?(lame 80s reference, sorry)

    So Lily Allen lied about being pregnant and sadly I have to say she suffered a miscarriage.  Sad story.  I know I often talk about birth control and I am sure nothing can be sadder in the world than losing a child.  So my deepest sympathies go out to Lily and her boyfriend.
     
    Here is Yoko Ono...I mean Jessica Simpson.  She is the real reason the Cowboys lost last weekend.  She was such a huge distract and I think every show that analyzed the Cowboys/Giants game last week brought her up and said she wasn't going to be a distraction but I guess she was.  No sweat off my back, just hopefully she remains with tony all of next season and she releases no more music or movies.

    Jenna Jameson announced that she is officially retired from porn.  Thank goodness, I mean look at her, something is wrong.

    One Hayden Two Cups.

    Clay Aiken was introduced as a member of Spamalot.  Clay made some startling announcements.  He thought Monty Python was a real person and no he's not gay.  He was asked repeatedly by reporters.  No he's no gay even though he has cyber sex with men and has a profile on a personal site for gay men.  hmmm maybe he is jsut flamboyant in a Liberace way.

    Britney, fishnets are not a replacement for underwear.

    Britney Spears and her papparazi boyfriend were seen shopping for pregnancy tests this week.  Just what she needs in her life.  I mean medical files are being released and are saying that she may be suffering from multiple personalities.  You know you think you feel sorry for her and then she does something assinine like letting her manager go on Ryan Seacrest's radio show and having him talk about how she was naked and then she screams I am smelly repeatedly.  

    In other Britney news, the Associated Press announced that they have written Britney's obituary for a just in case measure.  

    Also, those nude pics of Britney aren't selling.  I have a source at a magazine, Britney.  Dog Fancy is in need of a centerfold for next month's issue....let me know if you are interested.

    Finally, this week Brad Renfro passed away.  He was in a couple good movies, The Client and Apt Pupil, but his career was doomed by drug use.  Hopefully the young stars of Hollywood see his death as a wake up call.

  • Running
    really busy today.  Went to the hospital for some tests and then went to
    see my mom and then tried to ask out this new doctor but I don't think she
    understands the nuances of English or at least my feeble questioning. 
    Then I get home and the internet is down so I did some reading and was
    engrossed and the next thing I know it is 9 and I watch ER.  Well my
    internet has been goofy but sometimes that is what happens to this little
    town's network when the weather sucks.  Anyway I am going to do some tattoo
    reviews.


    Her name is Jana and apparently she got it tattooed on her back in case a guy
    who is intimate with her from behind will not forget her name.


    Ironically, this is the beginning of a lifetime of regret.


    In case you can't see, this tattoo says Jesus.  All I can say is that I
    hope that is fake.  WHY??????? So when a guy is nailing her from behind,
    he can claim it as a religious experience?????


    Honestly, I have seen bigger.


    Another bad Jesus tattoo, but this is bad on a different level because every
    time I see the comparison I can only think of a passage that Jesus said let the
    little children come to me.


    I think this is a life-size tattoo of Beetle Juice.


    Love lost and found again.


    In case you can't make it out, that girl with the back to the camera has a
    tattoo running across her back that says "Mayonnaise".  Maybe
    she is a fan of the Smashing Pumpkins.  Maybe she is Swedish.  You
    know they put mayo on their fries.  Oh and they also make their pizzas with
    mayo instead of tomato sauce and then they also top it with goat cheese and hot
    dogs.  Yeah, I don't think their will be many Swedish pizza joints in
    America any time soon.


    Misspelled tattoos are the best thing in the world.


    A monkey having sex with a football???Who? What? Where? Why? What the hell is
    this guy thinking? 


    And the moral of the story is I got a tattoo of a flaming kidney.


    Tattoos like this make me fear having daughters or kids in general....How does
    a dad react to that?  I can hear the heart tugging Hallmark movie-esque
    music playing now...."My Little Girl!!!" And then they hug and cry
    and roll credits.


    So now it is goin
    g into a deep freeze...I think I am staying in this weekend
    although having a few drinks with friends might be nice and I am a
    lso tempted
    by Cloverfield.  Oh well I have some time to figure it all out. 

    Now this
    entry is late because right as I was trying to post it, the internet went down
    again and now xanga is down an
    d I can’t get back….wait if you see this that
    means it is up…I'll still have a Friday Celebrity Round Up