Sorry this is so late. I discovered some dive bars here in my hometown, but of course all the bars in this town are to be considered dives. This one bar was such a dive they didn't have what the bartender called specialty liquor such as gin. No gin? Oh well I stuck with a hillbilly martini of Jack and Coke. I then ended up at a bowling alley and no I don't bowl because I am horrendous. Anyway it is the only bar in town that carries Ciclone. My friend let me in on that number and said that was his favorite liquor. Too bad I didn't show him my home bar with my two 1.75 liter bottles of Ciclone that I got in a bargain bin for $10 each. It was a very interesting night to say the least. I think this is the first time in a long time that I have been in bars that allowed smoking. God bless dive bars where everyone smokes and make my clothes wreak of cheap tobacco. It was also a night that I got to sit down and have a drink with my 70+ year old neighbor. I couldn't do much talk about celebrities at the bar so I will now proceed to give you the latest round up of gossip.
Victoria Beckham was named the worst dressed person of 2007. Hmmm even I have to agree with that. She still looks like a sex alien from Mars.
The Spice Girls are touring and Mel B is coping a feel. Actually she was photographed helping Victoria cover up her exposed nipple. That is what friends are for...hey, didn't the Spice Girls sing a song about that?
Tom Cruise proved again this week that he is a egomaniacil litigious crazy SOB. A man wrote a book about Cruise and Cruise is suing him for stating in the book that Cruise is the second in charge of the Scientology movement, that Tom is gay, that Tom had Katie Holmes artificially inseminated with the sperm of L. Ron Hubbard to create Suri, and that he loved flowers so much and wanted to fulfill a fantasy so he planted an acre of flowers at a Scientology retreat just so he and Nicole Kidman could run through the flowers. No that last part seems perfectly sane. Just as sane as believing a spaceship dumped souls into volcanoes on Hawaii and then they were brainwashed into believing religion to distract from the evil aliens controlling outer space. I better stop or Mr. Cruise will sue me.
Rob Zombie has a pug???? WTF!!!!!!! How am I supposed to take a person who has said that they are a new master of the horror genre seriously when I see them walking a pug? Note to self: you wanted to see Zombie's version of Halloween, DON'T!
Richard Simmons was out and about this week...no not out like everyone just wants him to admit but in the media. All I have to say is that I am thankful for tighty whiteys. IF he is that flexible no wonder he doesn't come out in public that often...hell I wouldn't either and I don't know any guy that would argue this.
Pam Anderson is reportedly pregnant with on again off again husband Rick Solomon. Has anyone in Hollywood heard of this thing called birth control?
Nicole Kidman announced she was pregnat(see above joke)..I am really beginning to believe that Tom Cruise is gay. Maybe something happened to their reproductive organs while running through his field of flowers...oh crap I just received a subpoena from Tom Cruise.
Monica Lewinsky was spotted recently. I wonder who she is supporting this election. I also wonder if she takes cream in her coffee.
Matt Roloff, star of reality show Little People, Big World, was arrested this summer for DUI. His trial was this week and he was declared not guilty. The judge said something about his physical limitations made it hard for him to pass a field sobriety test. Matt's defense was quite simple, the reason he was swerving all over the road: he was a little tired.
Lily Allen really made me smile this week. Well the photo on the left is old but I just found it and anyway adorations. A few weeks ago it was reported that she may be pregnant. Well apparently she had a conversation with her father that was overheard by some staffers indicating she may not be pregnant afterall. She told her father, mind you, that she couldn't be pregnant and her father inquired why not and she replied that her and her boyfriend only do it in the "doo doo chute". Lily, stay classy and that conversation with your father will always make me smile.
Kim Kardashian's ass....is...so...hypnotizing...must keep reporting
Katie Holmes is the world's sexiest John Belushi impersonator.
Last week, Amy Fischer released a sex tape. This week her torrid affair mate from the early 90s, Joey Buttafuoco, announced that he was releasing a sex tape as well. It is now official...I am the only person in the world without a sex tape.
Heidi Montag was spotted this week doing whatever it is she is famous for. you know she is everything I want in a woman: dumb, fake, hot-bodied, and useless....ok if you believe that I am going to introduce you to Scientology's teachings about Xenu...ahhh Tom Cruise is jumping on my couch!!!!!!!!
Dear Hayden, Milo's lucky to be your boyfriend. Please don't get knocked up like everyone else in Hollywood.
Good news gang: Fight Club The Musical is greenlit. David Fincher's(the movie's director) on board, Chuck Palahniak's(author of Fight Club), and Trent Reznor is working on the music. I eagerly await.
Funny Avril Lavigne news....at the New Year's celebration which she was a part of, Lil Jon stole the mic out of her hand to do the countdown. She started crying, maybe it is because she is hormonal because she too is rumored to be pregnant. Anyway, Lil Jon you are my hero YEEEYEAH! WHAT! OK!
Ashlee Simpson in a bikini. Maybe she is somehow faking and using someone else's body. I wish she was using her older sister's body. Even half naked she is really boring.
Well this nude pic isn't boring. Adrienne Curry, some model show winner, gave this set of lesbian fantasy photos to her husband Peter Brady, I mean Chris Knight and he was so upset that he threatened to divorce her. I guess things like that happen in relationships where people meet on a reality show and then have a reality show about their dating and wedding and then have an upcoming reality show about them trying to have a baby....yeah maybe the next installment will be a reality show about getting divorced.
Amanda Bynes, you are attractive. Just don't be like any of the other child actor's and get pregnant or release nude photos...remember getting pregnant could be the secret slime action.
Amy Winehouse cut her beehive and dyed her hair blonde. She is still attractive in my book well as long as she keeps that soulful voice....I really need a girlfriend can't you tell?
A Nickelodeon executive said this week that Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy left a hole to be filled in the Nickelodeon program Zoey 101. I am going to take the high road and not make any joke about holes being filled. Lynn Spears proved she is a horrible parent once again by having Jamie get her GED. I am not saying a GED is a bad thing but look at what happened to Britney...I'm just saying...and speaking of Britney:
This was the scene last Thursday evening. A hospital employee said that Brit took upwards of 100 pills in 36 hours. Here is what she took: 2 bottles
of Nyquil, 20 Clenbuterols, 18 herbal uppers, 18 Piriton antihistamines, 12
Vicodins, 10 sleeping pills, 8 antacid pills, 1 bottle of Pepto Bismol, 10
Zantacs, 6 Ritalins and 2 full bottles of Oxycontin.
K-Fed was afraid Britney would
shoot both his sons dead with the gun he gave her. Brit keeps a Beretta 92FS
near her bed Britney begged KFed over the phone to let her keep the boys. She
offered him $100 million. When one of K-Fed's bodyguards tried to take the kids away Britney bit him in the leg. So Britney then called up Jamie Lynne and told her that she (Jamie Lynne) wasn't going to be the only Spears on the cover of a magazine next week. She then bashed her head into a wall in a fit of rage. This whole incident led to Britney losing custody and visitation rights pending another trial.
So Britney is released after a fiasco in which Dr. Phil tried to host an intervention for his crap show but that didn't work out so well. She was driving and got a flat tire and when the paparazzi showed up and said, "Britney, you're flat" she proceed to take her top off to prove them wrong.
Britney Spear's paparazzi boyfriend is shopping around nude pics of Britney. She is asking for 5 figures for each pic. Nobody is buying. Funny considering that a few years ago a nude picture of Britney probably could have went for 6 figures at the least.
Britney remained calm for the rest of the week until Thursday evening when she was reported to be flying in a hot air balloon over the North Pole. Ok, maybe not but she is so crazy you can't help but think that it is possible.
I really do hope she gets help not just for her sake but also the sake of her children.
Have a great weekend.
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