Mother Jones has released a list of songs that American torturers have been using to wage psychological warfare against detainees. This is the list.  I understand some of the heavy rock songs because I can imagine that terrorists have never heard such hatred but the Meow Mix song?

So this is my second post of the day.  This is my regular Thursday feature entitled Crappy Tattoo Review.  I find it funny how these people get such crappy tattoos and they are all proud of them and then I tear them to shreds.  Anyway here goes.

Zombie Christ will forgive your sins and then he will eat your brains.

Weird Al Yankovic should take a look at this tattoo and then he could give us another excellent parody song.  I can hear it now, "Your body is a Lego Wonderland."

It was bound to happen sooner or later.  I have been holding back with this one for weeks to let the hype die down.  This girl went out and got this tattoo and it was all over xanga's front page and she became a featured blogger because of it.  Now I am making fun of it.  Do you really think that 20 years from we will still be using this website to write about all our angst?  Well I probably will but the majority of you won't.  So why bother marking yourself for life?

WOW....that looks like absolute crap and is the definition of hideous.

A stripper with fire shooting fingers....my dreams are starting to take shape into partial reality.

The alien head is awesome.  It looks like a slightly deflated basketball.  Oh and the wording is a nice touch.  Did this guy have a first grader do the writing?  Seriously how is this a cool tattoo?

Wingnut....more like stupid redneck nut.

I pose this question to all 5 of my readers.  OK 5 may be a bit of an exaggeration so I'll knock it down to 2.  Anyway what is creepier in this photo:  the tattoo or George Takei from Star Trek?  I think I am going to have to go with Sulu because no way would I want to be shirtless with him pointing a finger dangerously close to my ass area and by ass area I think around Sulu that is my entire body.

So what is the poor angel trying to grab?  When I was in grade school we were having a discussion about Heaven with our confirmation pastor and someone asked about marriage in heaven and the pastor talked how you would be around your family but there wouldn't be marriage in heaven.  Then someone asked if there would be pregnancy in heaven and the pastor responded, "No because you won't have genitals in heaven.  Our bodies will be perfect therefore we won't need genitals to emit wastes."  I don't have anything to look forward to now.

The perfect way to remember your friends.  Tattooing their initials on your shoulder on something that at first glance looks like a resivoir tipped condom.

Way to cover up the crap!

Unfuckwithable....wow that is a word that I might have used when I was 14 and not to mention this is a tattoo I might have thought was worth getting when I was 14.  Way to raise the bar of society there, Junior.

Ok, I am done for today.  Please leave comments.  I need friends.  

I suppose I should update.  I have received no comments just a bunch of people coming here to look at my pics and then leaving nothing except evidence they were here.  I was going to post yesterday but I got caught up with reading and the like.  Anyway I am going to do two posts today.  One for yesterday and one for today...hey that sounds almost like a Doors song but not.

A gravity rod....yeah....right.  I think that is something he bought at Selective Video in Madison.

WTF!!!!!  I suppose this is evidence of his super teeter-tottering skills.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!! Jerry Lewis had his own comic????????  How the hell did it last 86 issues???????  OK here comes a typical Jerry Lewis joke involving the French....I am surprised the comic isn't in French because they are the only people who can stand him.  Don't you just love the guys flying planes and shooting assault rifles at the gorilla?  You might think they have to be flying but then I look at the background and realize it is a carnival.  Cheese and Rice, Jerry Lewis, you suck.

Hmmm Wonder Woman is feigning ignorance of bondage supplies.  Maybe not being into S&M is part of her secret identity.

Wow, this is quite interesting for a comic.  I love the silhouettes on the back of the stall as Wonder Woman slowly pulls down her Wonderwear.  I feel bad that she has no privacy but at least Senator Larry Craig isn't one of the shadows but of course this is probably a women's bathroom.

Wonder Woman is now officially cool.

Little known Wonder Woman fact:  She is currently writing a book entitled S&M for the Single Person.  The book contains Wonder Woman's tips on how to tie yourself up for sexual gratification.  Who knew masturbation could get so rough?

Since when did winter get so gay?

So this has been taking animal powers and making them his own abilities.  My only question is which animal in God's creation has laser shooting nipples.

America's Sweetheart is giving that guy a view of America's true favorite pasttime.  What a view!

Ok so this comic is about the "third sex".  What are the first two? Vaginal and Oral? Vaginal and Anal? Anal and Oral?  My god I am going to be researching this one all week.

This monster is wearing a sweater.  He has revealed his true weakness, catching a cold.  I think that is how the dinosaurs disappeared from the earth, they caught their death of pneumonia.  Too bad they didn't have sweaters.

I'll be back later.

I didn't post yesterday I had to recharge my batteries.  After being sick all the last week I just needed to catch up on sleep.  Anyway sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings by not posting, somehow I doubt that happened but if I did I am sincerely sorry.  I was just going to put up some funny book covers yesterday so I figure I can do the same thing today.  I give you recalled children's books.

This isn't a book but it is a product in conjunction with Over the Hedge.  This is called Baby's First Phallic Symbol.

Well I will try to be back tomorrow with some random garbage that not many will read.

Today is Saturday and I went out with my parents because they are looking for a new printer for their computer and they wanted me along for the ride and my supposed expertise of computers.  We get to the box store and my mom is describing this printer as the holy grail of graphic printing and how it has a fax machine and scanner and can photocopy existing documents and all for the low price of $50.  We get to the electronics and the only printer they had for $50 and well the only printer they had was nothing special.  So we ask and the clerk said they were all sold out.  I then went over to look at mp3 players because I am thinking I need to be in the market for one but for the most part it is a pipe dream.  Well they were having a clearance sale and a Sony video 4gb mp3 player was only $70 regularly $120.  So tomorrow I think I may go treat myself.  Anyway today is Saturday and I have decided to do my music blog and this week will be different because someone suggested I add why I picked the song so that is what I will do.

Crystal Blue Persuasion- Tommy James and the Shondells  I love this band's style.  It is so trippy and this song just makes me think summer and laying on the beach and frolicking in the sand with bikini clad women.

Silence is Golden- The Tremeloes  I grew up listening to a lot of 6s and 70s music because that was my dad's time period.  So I listened to a lot of oldies radio.  This has always been a favorite song.  The harmonics and the falsetto make me melt.  Yeah that sound pretty weird but it is still a good song.

Blue Moon- The Marcels  Once again this was inspired by my father.  He always tells me that when he was in high school and college he djed for sock hops, which I think is old man slang for dances.  This is such a fun song.  I try to sing the bass part but it is hard to sing harmony with no one else sing the leads.  Ah....I think that is some sort of analogy to my being single.

Sleepwalk- Santo and Johnny  This has got to be one of the most beautiful guitar instrumentals of all time.  I remember my dad telling me that when Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and The Big Bopper died that they played this song as a memorial.  I think that I would love this song to be played as they wheel my casket out of the church during my funeral.  Yes, morbid thought but I am getting old.

Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay- Otis Redding  I was in Madison recently and realized that Otis died in Lake Monona.  Sort of sad fact but this song will carry on his memory.

Ripple- The Grateful Dead  I love this song and the words move me.  I got in a Dead kick today.  I don't care what you may say about jam bands but this song is beautiful and this band is definitely very talented. 

Attics of My Life- The Grateful Dead  The harmony on this song is so beautiful.  It almost makes it hard to believe this is the Dead.  Reminds me of a good old time gospel hymn.  This is from American Beauty.  It is one of those albums that I think is a necessity for a collector.  The first time I heard this album in the entirety I was speechless and felt like some new world was opened for me.  I now wish that I could erase the memory of this album from my mind so that I can relive that experience of a first listen all over again.

Sex Bomb- Tom Jones  This song is my mantra for "relations".  Ok enough said.

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow- The Shirrelles  I often picture this song as one I use for a first dance with a wife if I ever get married.  The words, the meaning, everything just makes it a great song.

You Can Never Hold Back Spring- Tom Waits  I have been getting into Tom Waits over the past year and a half.  There is something about his voice that is so mournful and you can almost smell the liquor on his breath as you hear the words through the speakers.  This song helps me fight cabin fever.  It reminds me old time jazz and cabaret.  This is why I am getting into Tom Waits.

Your Hand in Mine- Explosions in the Sky  This song is used for the theme song to one of my favorite tv shows, Friday Night Lights.  It was also used in the movie Friday Night Lights.  Explosions in the Sky are an instrumental rock band from West Texas.  They were used in the movie Friday Night Lights because another instrumental rock band turned down the opportunity to score the film.  So the director went with a band from the area where the movie was based.  They are now one of my favorite bands although I have yet to see if they tour in the Midwest.  Hopefully they come around here soon. 

Fit But You Know It- The Streets   I love this guy.  Probably the best rapper to come out of the UK.  Anyway this song is probably my favorite.

Tomorrow is Sunday.  I have an idea for a blog entry that might be entertaining.  Until then keep it real.

I haven't written this week.  I have been battling a bad cold and I am finally getting over it.  I have also been suffering from depression but I think that is because of the cold and also cabin fever.  I suppose there is another factor that has me down this week but I won't get into that here.  I haven't had to go to the emergency room this week so I guess I am getting better.  Today was the first day in what seems like forever that I didn't hack up a proverbial lung.  I will try to write more in the coming week.  While I was laid up I did manage to keep on all the latest celebrity gossip, so here goes.

Hey, Tom Cruise, your robot is asleep!  Maybe you should get a step stool and try to see if you can reach her control panel...you see he would need a step stool because Katie Holmes is gigantic compared to him.  Anyway in Scientology news, a leader of an opposition group was found mysteriously dead this week.  Hmmm, Scientology gets attacked by a group called Anonymous and then a week later a leader of another opposition group is found dead....coincidence?

Yummy, a new favorite lesbian fantasy between Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman has sprung up in my head.  Oh yeah that's the stuff.  You know they have real chemistry and I am talking L-Word chemistry...hear that L-Word directors and creators...I HAVE SCRIPTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well mainly they are just reoccurring dreams but how hard would it be to crank out onto the screen, I mean look at Pirates of the Caribbean, a movie based on an amusement park ride.   This week they were interviewed on the Today Show with Matt Lauer and well let's just say things were really heating up...look at this clip...I have had my issues with Scarlett Johansson and her ruining Tom Waits songs but this is just plain lesbirriffic!

Speaking of Natalie Portman, she was interviewed this later on this week and she said that she wants to do more nude scenes....AND THE THRONGS REJOICED!!!!!  Looks like she has gotten a start with that dress....yummy.

In other celebrity public nudity, Christina Ricci was walking some red carpet this week and paparazzi members asked her about her new tattoo.  Well Christina likes to show it off and took a select cameraman aside and posed for a photo of her new tattoo.  I'm not sure yet if I would put it in a crappy tattoo post because the placement makes up for the lack of artistic talent.  You know who wins with this tattoo, EVERYONE!

Sad news this week, recording artist and aspiring finger model Pink and husband, BMX freak and reality show star, Carey Hart announced they are proceeding with a divorce.  There really wasn't a reason given as to why they were getting divorced but my hunch is that Pink found out that Carey had a penis.  Yes, that is low but she has been going around and giving interviews to gay and lesbian issues magazines saying how much she loves to kiss women and says that women are God's sexiest creatures, you know I have to agree and if they are kissing women then I am all for that fad.

It was Paris Hilton's birthday this week and I refuse to acknowledge anything we have in common.  She decided part of her birthday celebration would be her performing with the Pussycat Dolls.  I guess that means she is one step closer to being a professional stripper.  By the way the microphone was burned shortly after she dropped it for public health concerns.

This is another shot of Paris' "performance".  The next day after her strip show...I mean burlesque show...Paris was informed that she was not allowed to attend the Oscars.  Apparently they are for serious movies that do not include the words "Hottie" or "Nottie" in their titles.  One of Paris' staffers said that to save her dignity Paris would be attending Oscar after parties.  You know what is funny about that?  Paris wouldn't know what dignity was unless it screwed her in the ass and then she would have to film it to paste all over the internet.

A picture of Paris celebrating New Year's in a precarious position arose this week.  That must have been one hell of a party.

Yes this is a Paris heavy week.  She is currently being investigated by some animal protection agencies in Los Angeles.  She has too many dogs.  I think the limit is 3, at least that is what it is within our city limits unless the person buys a kennel permit and has everyone in the ward sign a permission slip.  Anyway Paris has admitted to owning 17 dogs, well 18 if you count Nicole Richie...rimshot.

Speaking of mommy dearest, here she is at another party with her baby's father Joel Madden.  It seems that every day the past two weeks they have been out at parties.  They are bad parents.  Every night? The baby is less than a month old, you would think it needs to develop a special attachment to the mother...oh wait that is what nannies are for.  My theory is the baby has been adopted by pharoah's daughter after Nicole left the baby in the car seat and was talking on the cell phone and the tide came in while she was with baby on the beach.  My other theory is that the baby has been adopted by gorillas and is swinging in the trees singing with a lovable bear named Baloo.

Here's meth face...I mean Aaron Carter.  He got pulled over this week for excessive speeding and when the police searched his vehicle they found 2 ounces of marijuana.  Apparently Aaron loves the chronic and here I thought he was a meth head.

How do I describe Olivia Munn in one word?  PERFECT!  My god my geek fantasies are coming true this week.

Due to her being fired from Jenny Craig, Kirstie Alley has decided to start her own weight loss system.  It will have Scientology overtones and be filled with roots and nuts and berries and hopefully it will involve her eating ice cream cones.  I have an evil mind.

Can you guess the ass?  Oh that's too easy.  It's Kim Kardashian.  I think the camera captured the only good side she has.  It is a lovely picture.

In other famous ass news, JLO gave birth to twins.  She is already negotiating which tabloid magazine gets the rights to photograph her children for the first time.  Rumor has it the winner is paying upwards of $6million.  Just another case of the richer getting richer.  Oh the picture, she was getting really big so I posted her face over mine.

Jessica Simpson has officially became a box office star.  Her movie, Blonde Ambition, which only took in $2000 in a one weekend theatrical release in the US, is the number one movie in Ukraine.  Apparently the people of Eastern Europe love American movies of that ilk because they want to escape from the reality of war and terror and all the other schlock Hollywood produces.  Well what better place to look for something fake than Jessica Simpson.

Like JLO, Jessica Alba is not happy with having just one baby, no she has to be all celebitchy and have twins.  Why do celebrities have to rub it in our faces that they are better than us?  Well every celebrity but Britney Spears

Heidi Klum, this week in an interview, begged Britney Spears to come live with her and Seal so that way Britney could recouperate and get her life in gear.  I think it is just for me so that my dreams can be fulfilled.  This week has been the most lesbirriffic week ever!

Oh I get it, the real reason Seal and Heidi Klum want Britney to stay with them is because they have a wild animal fetish...damn there go my dreams...or did they?

Heidi Montag and her boyfriend Spencer Douche Bag need to be destroyed.  I mean first they made this video and then Spencer says how Heidi is going to be the biggest recording star ever.  Now this week Spencer is talking about how everybody gave Heidi a bad review because tehy are jealous of all the money they make.  Yeah, I am jealous of two fake people in a fake releationship and by the way I haven't seen that much silicone on the beach since Baywatch.  Oh and to make matters worse Spencer announced this week that he and Heidi are in negotiations to develop a video game based on their lives.  So the game is going to be driving to a restaurant, talking at the restaurant, driving home and talking on the phone?  God Allah Vishnu Buddha Jebus, please I will never ask for anything ever again just please make them go away, it is no loss to humanity, please do it.

A website popped up this week offering a Gene Simmons sex tape.  The woman he is with is not his long time partner Shannon Tweed.  Apparently Gene was trying to show her that another member of the family can get it on in front of the camera.  If you want to see a sex tape that my father, member of the KISS Army would like, go to www.genessecret.com and no I am not linking because I think Gene Simmons is self-obsessed and is promoting this video himself even though he claims it was "leaked".

Flava Flav is back on tv with his "hit" show, Flava of Love.  Apparently the real reason why his "relationship" with season 2's winner Delishis never flourished is that during the period between the ending of filming and the reunion he got another woman pregnant and then after the reunion show Flav never called her.   Oh to be poor and ignorant and have vh-1 dangle reality tv show deals in front of my face.

Dog the Bounty Hunter will be returning to A&E with all new programs soon.  I am hoping they drop the bounty hunting gig and start their own makeover company to make people look like him and Beth.

Seriously if they made over people for their weddings, well that would be one hell of a wedding.  I can think of two BIG reasons why they should have a makeover show.  No, perverts, you are only half right.  His hair, her boobs....objects that only Michelangelo could reproduce.

Christian Aguilera was on Ellen this week for two reasons and well since Ellen loves breasts, go figure.  In the interview Ellen went right for the jugs, I mean jugular and asked her about them.  This is the most lesbirriffic week ever!  Somebody out there actually likes me.

"Punk Rock" princess Avril Lavigne is rumored to be pregnant.  When the photographer asked she immediately covered her stomach.  Apparently Avirl is ashamed to be pregnant because pregnancy is not faux punk rock and she would be conforming to recent trends in Hollywood.

A picture was released this week by a company called Age Progression.  They took a look at Britney Spears and determined what she will look like, if she is still alive, at age 46.  The future doesn't look too good for Britney, maybe she should take up Heidi Klum on her offer.  If you want to see some freaky stuff and possibly think what you or your children might look like in the future for a huge price check www.ageprogression.org
I have to admit the site is pretty funny.  I would be horrified if some of my kids would turn out looking how they predict some will look like.  

Britney Spears made news a few times this week.  Two were for her lack of underwear.  Britney is a military strategist and is a huge propponet of the Scorched Earth Policy.  Anyway Britney has been whining about the paparazzi not giving her any space to California lawmakers.  Well they are set to vote on some law that would set the closest a member of the paparazzi can be to a star is at 10 feet.  Personally I don't care but the funniest comment was from a police officer who said the law should be that Britney be confined to her house and a state representative said that the reason she has such a following is her own fault and her own doing because she calls the paps to follow her.  Britney, you need to be locked up.

Here is another shot of Britney's scorched earth.  You know, you have to give her credit.  She is doing a better job of covering it up but she has yet to learn what underwear is.  Maybe she was just jealous of my favorite news getter this week, Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay posed nude for a New York magazine mimicking a famous photoset of Marilyn Monroe.  Wow, Lindsay is looking good and natural and perky, but for some strange reason I have to ask if she is converting to Islam.

Well it was an exciting week of nudity and lesbianism.  Hopefully next week will be the same.  I also will be promising more updates next week.  Oh by the way, Wisconsin, I love you for getting out there and voting for Obama.  Hillary must be stopped.  Our country cannot afford four more years of bush...maybe Hillary should take scorched earth tips from Britney...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Think happy thoughts think happy thoughts...yes, Natalie Portman's nipples....Happy Never Going to be President Day!

Valentine's Day was a downer.  I hate it and I hate being single and I hate myself for being the way that I am for causing myself to be single.  Time to get into celebrity foibles.

This week there was a funeral service for Heath Ledger and one of the reasons why it was picked to be held in Australia is because of the assholes of the Westboro Baptist Church(more like cult).  Check them out and their videos here.

Rihanna launched a new umbrella line this week.  Like you didn't see that coming.

Remember last week when I was talking about Paris Hilton's new walk on the lesbianic side?  Well it turns out she doesn't like her own pussy....cat that is.  She dropped her cat named Prada off at the vets three weeks ago and has not come back to pick the cat up.  What a bitch!

Nelly Furtado is knocked up.  Now she will stop dying her hair and go back to her original beautiful color and hopefully stop wearing clown make up like Xtina.

One of my least favorite presidential office seekers was threatened with a lawsuit this week to stop using his campaign theme song.  The Huckster even learned to play the bass guitar for his theme song, "More than a Feeling" by Boston.  Well one of the members of Boston threatened Mike Huckabee with a lawsuit to cease using his song.  Part of his reasoning is that he supports Barak Obama.  Why is Huckabee even sticking around?  Maybe my prediction of a third party is coming true and he is just testing the waters.

Hey for all my goth friends and all my liquor connoisseurs, Marilyn Manson introduced his new line of absinthe called Mansinthe.  For $41 you can now find out what raw sewage tastes like without the dangers of getting a life-threatening virus, bacteria or disease.

One of my latest obsessions is a model named Vikki Blows.  She is a "model".  Some of her work involves nudity but these are really good photos of her.  She reminds me of a younger Rose McGowan with the kinky side but minus the Marilyn Manson douchery.

Recently Lindsay Lohan entered a restaurant in L.A. where Clint Eastwood was dining.   She brought her entourage numbering about 15 people and they caused a commotion.  Well Clint left and told people that she was rude and inconsiderate of others.  Hell I wish he would have pulled his 44 magnum and said, "Go ahead, Linds, make my day."  The bad thing is that he would have needed Viagra because every time Lindsay hears the word head she drops to her knees.

Lily Allen has a new tv show on BBC and this must have been part of her talent portion of the show.  Her first guest was Cuba Gooding Jr. so it appears that she has to do stunts like this to make people like me smile.

Lily Allen was spotted wandering the streets on Valentine's Day after 16 straight hours of partying.  God, she makes me smile.

A former Anna Nicole Smith bodyguard was interviewed this week about his late employer.  The bodyguard claims that Larry Birkhead, Anna's baby's daddy, is gay and was nothing more than a sperm donor.  So Larry prefers the pole to the hole...wow I like that...I am registering it as my new catch phrase so back off.

Kirstie Alley is out of work.  She was fired by Jenny Craig this week and replaced by Valerie Bertenelli with whom Kirstie has been doing ads.  She was also replaced by everyone's favorite royal lesbian, Queen Latifah.  Part of the reason why she was fired might have been because of her crazy Scientologist beliefs.  CURSE YOU XENU!!!!

Kim Kardashian was at some awards show.  You know she doesn't need a reality show.  Her ass deserves one however.

Kim was visitng San Diego this week.  The radio stations in San Diego began a series of STD awareness ads on their stations.....COINCIDENCE!!!!!!!!! I think not.

Kim Kardashian was also announced as the new spokesperson for Bongo jeans.  Hmmm it must be because her ass looks like a set of bongo drums.  By the way, they photoshopped a majority of that ass out of the ads.  Probably because they want their jeans to make it look like your ass isn't that big.

Kelis made a shocking and noteworthy appearance at this year's grammy awards.  It's those pants and heels that are shocking.  She should know that you don't wear gold pants that are so tight they appear to be painted on after Labor Day.  By the way doesn't this give Black History Month a proverbial black eye?

Jamie Lynne Spears is already being accused of being just as bad as her sister.  She was said to be at parties over the weekend and drinking to get drunk because she said she likes being drunk but hates the taste of alcohol.  She also repeatedly asked a boy at the party to screw her because she said she can't get pregnant while she is pregnant.   Slowly she is becoming Britney.

Hilary Duff was spotted today with some of the worst earrings I have ever seen and I grew up in the 80s.  What are they, gothic dolies?

I swear Hayden Panettiere is doing this stuff purposely to drive me crazy.

Gary Coleman announced this week that he was married.  yes, he begged me to be put on the blog because he just isn't celebrity material anymore.  Now the funny thing is this, Gary and his wife got married in August and still haven't consimated their marriage...What-choo talkin' bout, Gary?

Frankie Muniz...god I hate this guy.  That's his girlfriend...god I really hate him.  He just strikes me as the type of guy who would come up and if you were laying down and hurt he would kick you in the ribs and then go brag about how he kicked your ass.  I can not stand this punk.

Eva Longoria...maybe I was quick to judge and say she had no talent.

Coco here is celebrating her recent interview with Playboy.  Wow, Ice-T you are a lucky man.  She does claim that she is 28...well I don't believe her...I believe that certain parts of her may be 28 but not her.  If you want to read her interview and believe me it is quite interesting.  You will really get to know what Coco is all about by reading this interview.

Christina Aguilera announced this week she will not be posing naked for Playboy despite going around selling photos of her and her newborn son.  She is just having people take pictures of her to try to start a new career as an Anna Nicole impresonator.

Here is a photo of the Xtina family.  She said in this interview that she had a c-section because she feared tearing...hmmm you wouldn't think that especially when she went through her Dirrty phase.

Avril Lavinge is in Maxim this month.  In the interview she says that she is glam rock...David Bowie must be spinning in his glam rock grave.

Guess who is looking great now that she has went to rehab?  that's right, Amy Winehouse.  My love for you has grown anew and sprouted and is throbbing...hey when did you get those...Oh Amy keep out the great work

Britney Spears told us this week that she had implants as a teenager but had them removed because she realized she was still growing.  I guess no one has ever accused her of being smart.

Oh Britney...not even Michelangelo could have produced something as stunning and elegant.  She has been petitioning the Governator to have him take control of her money as opposed to her father.  Oh how low can she sink...When she was with K-Fed she was worth $110 million dollars and as of this week they are claiming she is down to $50 million...so in less then a year she has spent over $60 million and most of that one starbucks, cigarettes and lottery tickets.

more Britney news surfaced this week.  Apparently when she married her paparazzi boyfriend Adnan while they were in Mexico.  She needs another marriage like she needs another butthole.  Well I guess she got both because he seems to be the biggest asshole in the world for taking advantage of her in her weakened mental condition.

I don't know when I will be on here but if I do not get on here by Tuesday and if you are from Wisconsin make sure you vote for anyone but Hillary.

No date...probably will stay in tonight due to health and 7 inches of freshly fallen snow.

 
Here are the real meanings behind those tasty Valentine's hearts.

No I don't have a date...but good news for Texans...the sex toy ban has been overturned.  Now you can actually say the word dildo or vibrator when shopping for sexual aides instead of saying condom demonstrator. 

I have been inundated by seeing the traditional Valentine's heart today.  Did you ever realize that the heart doesn't look anything like the organ it is supposed to symbolize?  You may think this obscene but I think the traditional Valentine's heart looks more like a vagina.  Think about that while you are out on your dates tonight.

I do thank the person who sent this to me to try to cheer me up.  Thanks.  It "lifted" my spirits.

Today is my least favorite day of the year.  It shouldn't be you know, but it just makes me so frustrated to see all these people around me in love while I suffer being single.  I don't know why I am single.  Maybe it is because I am too picky.  I have high standards but it doesn't have to do with looks, it is more of a morality thing.  I think the most glaring detail is that I am a hideous chud.  Yeah and I have low self-esteem so it makes it near impossible for me to approach someone because I just end up thinking I will be a total failure and that any woman I am interested could do much better than myself.  I was thinking of going to a dive bar tonight and just seeing if there were any hooker-type women there so that I would temporarily get over my loneliness.  Yes, I know that is wrong but I just want companionship.  I know my friends are there for me but they can only be there on a friendship level.  Also I probably should stay in because of my night last night.  I ended up in the emergency room.  I was laying down and around 8:30 I stirred and felt a wheezing in my lung.  Then my throat started tickling and all of a sudden I am in a full blown asthma/coughing attack.  I was coughing up huge amounts of blood.  I was terrified.  In the morning I did have some blood when I coughed but the doctor told me it was just probably due to dryness of the air.  Well the amount of blood I coughed up was appeared to be enough to fill a couple 20 ounce bottles of pop.  I got out my nebulizer and did another breathing treatment and it settled me down and no more blood.  Well I was feeling light-headed but I think it was mostly due to the albuterol I was breathing in but it may have been also blood loss.  I have to stop lifting weights because they didn't have a blood pressure band to fit me so they had to take it on my wrist.  Well my blood pressure was actually normal and my pulse was high but that is due to anxiety and white coat syndrome.  After being examined the doctor determined that I had extremely dry sinuses and the ones way up in my nose were bleeding and the reason I was coughing up the blood was because instead of the blood coming down my nose it was so far up that it was going down in my throat and that is why I thought I was bringing it out of my lungs.  Well the doctor did say one of my lungs sounded bad so she put me on steroids and antibiotics.  Anyway I got home and set up a humidifier and went to sleep.  Today no bloody nose but I feel like crap and my abdomen hurts because of my coughing and asthma attack last night.  Well I am alive but this being single on Valetine's Day is truly killing me.  Well sometimes making fun of others' misfortune cheers me up so I will self-medicate.

I didn't know that Chewbaca was Irish.  I guess that would explain why in the original Star Wars scripts he had the last name of O'Brien.  It was also explain his fury and why he likes to hang out in the bars of Tattoie...ha Tattoo

If I find a tattoo gross and offensive, then there are a lot of problems.

Daughter, Country, and Star Wars...but not necessarily in that order.  This guy probably favors Star Wars over all the other.  Oh it just came to me...he loves something above all three...CRAPPY TATTOOS!!!!  I am a genius.

Definitely not the tattoo of an angel.

So why is the Bible surrounded by all the fruits and vegetables?  What the hell is the purpose of this tattoo?  My head is hurting.

Oh it is probably because of this tattoo...political statements make for horrible tattoos.  Seriously why get this done, the guy is gone in just a few months.

That is one sick ass smurf.  Maybe it is supposed to be one of the M&Ms but to me it looks more like a Sixlet.  

So why does the fairy look like it is mentall handicapped?

Since when do spiders have bones.  The one that almost made me lose my leg didn't have bones.  I really wonder if people pay attention during biology class.  Watching the Maury Show really proves that idiots are spawning at alarming rates.  I think there was a study that the dumbest portion of the population tends to procreate more often than the intelligent portion.  I think it has something to do with people not paying attention to biology.  When Maury asks guys how they know they aren't the father of a child 9 out of 10 times he comes up with some lame excuse like I have low sperm count or the baby don't look like me.  How the hell does looks play into genetics? Oh and the women say stuff like he's the father because that guy was the only guy I loved.  Well love doesn't necessarily mean that someone is the father.  It is sex.  Then the results come in and the woman is devestated and the man does a crazy dance...FUCK!

It's a bird...it's a plane...IT'S SUPER-CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, I am sure Linda is very appreciative of this lovely tattoo.

So is this tattoo a remembrance of a group called Surfers for Christ or Banana Lovers for Christ.  I hope it is a group for banana lovers for Christ because that church would have the best hymns ever..."Christ is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S His love for you is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S" and with that I have damned myself to hell.

Well even though I am damned to hell for linking Christ to a Gwen Stefani song it probably isn't worse than the hell I am suffering now...coughing up blood, being alone, MORE FUCKING SNOW!!!!!!!!!!  Sorry I am very passionate it is Valentine's Day afterall.