What a week it has been! Actually not much is happening. The weather keeps fluctuating. We didn't get that snowstorm because it dipped south and now it is a lot colder than normal. My asthma is reacting accordingly. The Badgers are getting their asses handed to them by Davidson...DAVIDSON! Anyway it is time for mocking celebrities. 
After last week and all the sex tape pics, I will start off with one for the ladies. William Shatner turned 77 this week. His hairpiece turned 47. Listen to Common People by William Shatner at this site.
Victoria Beckham was with her children at some special soccer match where David Beckham earned some sort of cap. Anyway I just hope that kid wiped that booger all over her face.
Tyra Banks is supposedly set to leave America's Next Top Model. She has two reasons. First she hates the gay guy with silver hair and secondly she wants to put a greater focus on her show...HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!! More focus means more crap to make fun of her about. The rumored replacement for TyTy is Naomi Campbell. I guess instead of not handing the loser a picture they could have Naomi throw a BlackBerry at the loser. Man, that would be awesome and BlackBerry could get free advertising. See this is why I should not be allowed near any reality tv studios.
Tom Cruise has been showing up daily on the set of the new Star Trek movie prompting rumors that he will be making a cameo in the movie. It won't happen, right now putting Tom Cruise in any movie even a cameo is box office suicide. Hell, he is just showing up because every day is a Star Trek movie for him. He is probably on set asking if their photon lasers are able to blast through Xenu's line of defense.
Last week Sarah Jessica Parker promised more appearances after being voted Unsexiest Woman in the World. Hopefully this isn't one of her planned appearances. Got to hand it to the porn community, they make some clever titles.
It was a slow week for celebrity gossip so that is why I am about to talk about Rikki Rockett, drummer of the band Poison. He was arrested for rape this week. Come on, with hair like that he doesn't have to rape but he has to avoid being raped by women....what? oh it isn't 1987 anymore...ok, so maybe he did rape someone. Well I guess it is fitting since Brett Michaels rapes my intelligence every week with his reality show.
Rick Salomon officially signed his anullment papers with Pam Anderson thus ending their marriage. The reason they decided to get the wedding anulled was stated in the papers as fraud. Hell, everything on Pam Anderson is fake. The good thing for Pam is that Rick isn't seeking any money following their split. Apparently he has made enough off the video he did with Paris Hilton. See that is why I need to start working on a sex tape, but I have that pesky need to have a female perform with me.
Richie Sambora was arrested for DUI this week. The bad part about it was that his daughter was in the car with him along with another underage girl. Somewhere Britney Spears is saying, "god, what a bad parent!"
Renee Zellwegger was in Duluth this week promoting her new movie, Leatherheads. I really love that new Crisco skin treatment look.
The Pussycat Dolls made news this week, yeah I know SLOW WEEK. Anyway these two pictures are from a concert in Malaysia. The government found out and promptly fined the Pussycat Dolls manager for letting the group expose themselves in front of the country and corrupting the country's minds. Why can't our government step up and pose fines against reality tv shows for making my mind cease functioning? In case you don't know who the Pussycat Dolls are, they are a singing group and reality tv stars that promote female empowerment through stripping and the objectification of women. GIRL POWER!
Pete Dohetry is set to convert to Scientology. See this is why I can't take it seriously. He is probably thinking what an awesome trip he would have listening to the stories of Xenu. Hell, he probably has made contact with Xenu because of all the drugs he's put up his nose. Anyway Tom Cruise needs to be stopped. Quick, someone get a dildo made of Prozac and shove it up Tom Cruise's ass.
Paris Hilton is in Turkey this weekend to judge a beauty contest. Apparently she tried to apply to judge some of the major contest held in America but she has been banned from attending. She was interviewed by many Turkish television stations and she said that she is a wonderful role model for young girls. I guess, if you want little kids running around filming themselves having sex and getting stds and doing drugs, then yes, she is a good role model. Also she talked about how she is planning on turning the basement of her Beverly Hills mansion into a night club. I bet her neighbors will love that. She doesn't say what the name will be but I think it will be something like PARIS' speakEASY or Grand Opening...well grand opening is what Paris is called now so I suppose that would be fitting.
Earlier this week Paris was still in South Africa. She proved how stupid she is in an interview with South African reporters. They asked her how she liked the country of South Africa. She said she loved both countries, South Africa and West Africa. She also told the reporters that she had always wanted to see South and West Africa since she saw the movie The Lion King. I still have yet to figure out how her publicist lets her speak and get interviewed.
The Olsen Twins did a bikini photo shoot this week....wow, that isn't the Olsen twins but the resemblence is remarkable.
Olivia Munn has been appearing in webisodes of some internet TV show. This particular one she was only in a bra the whole episode while talking to Jesus. Olivia, Jesus loves you and so do I. Can you believe that was similar to a pick up line I heard at my college? Well it is sadly true. What isn't sad is how hot Olivia is.
The Bride of Frankenstein...oops, I mean Nicole Kidman was spotted at a Keith Urban concert this week. Wow, I guess country music has the same effect on her as it does to me.
Make Me a Supermodel is coming to an end and my dad is sad. Yes, for some reason he loves that show and I think this is why. I am happy it is coming to an end but anyway. The last photo shoot required guys to "tuck" Why the hell would any guy want to do that? I am proud of my junk and I will not hide it. Oh this particular model is Perry. In case you are wondering he was the gay guy involved in a Britney Spears hot tub incident last year. Wow, he has come a long way since then.
So last week I reported that there was sex tape drama for Lindsay Lohan. It turns out that the tape everyone thought was her wasn't her but Lindsay called her ex boyfriend up and her screaming was overheard by a reporter and apparently she screamed about how she couldn't believe that Collum released their tape. So what does this mean? There is a Lindsay Lohan sextape out there and it is only a matter of time before it is released. Get ready people. I will be on my knees in prayer later tonight asking for the release soon.
Let's play my favorite game, "Guess the Celebrity Ass". Well this week's edition is quite easy. That is Kim Kardashian. She gets better looking each week.
Here is another pic of Johnny Depp as John Dillinger. I have yet to find any revealing pics so maybe being an extra is out of line.
Jessica Simpson is in love. She finally met a man who matches her intelligence level.
Jessica Alba said this week that she will never appear nude because she knows how to manipulate men. She said it is so easy and all you need to do is dress sexy.....DUH!!!!!!!!!!!
Jamie Lynne Spears is officially engaged to her boyfriend and alleged baby daddy, Casey Aldridge. Quick, someone call CMT and get them on My Big Redneck Wedding.
Jack Nicholson was celebrating spring break this week. I think this one is one for the ladies but maybe if the photo was taken 20 years ago.
Hulk Hogan is dating a girl that looks exactly like his daughter. I guess that isn't that strange because Hulk once said in an interview that his daughter is a total piece of ass.
Here are Heidi Montag and Spencer celebrating Easter. God, I wish I could go rabbit hunting right now. Apparently the season debut of The Hills this week had 4 million viewers, which is 4 million too many. anyway Spencer also started writing an advice column which I believe is entitled Yo Spencer. If you want to read the most inane "advice" column ever check it out.
Heidi Montag also decided to have a lookalike contest for her new clothing line. See she wants everyone who models her clothes to look like her. Vanity has a new name and it is Heidi. Anyway spoiler alert...this is the winner of the contest.
Hayden Pantierre, sweat pants are an excellent look for you.
It was Fergie's birthday this week. Apparently she was really excited to see everyone at the party. Actually this is the old pic of her pissing herself at a concert. She denied it was piss and said that when she dances she sweats because of all the hair....OMG I think admitting to pissing yourself would be more acceptable than saying you have a veritable forest of pubic hair to make you sweat that much.
Courtney Love is telling people that she is trying to move to London. It seems fitting. She has probably pissed off too many drug dealers in LA so she needs to go to London to prey on new blood.
Sad news this week for Corrine Bailey Rae, her husband Jason was found dead this week of an apparent drug overdose. I hope that she doesn't quit her singing because I thought she was quite brilliant.
This is part of a photo spread in GQ magazine featuring Claudia Schiffer and one lucky son of a bitch...I mean Joseph Gordon Levitt. His career must be on the rise...oh yes you knew I would make a boner joke eventually.
This is Carrie Ann Inaba. She is a judge on Dancing With the Stars. She had to start at the bottom and work her way to the top as a judge of celebrity dancing. I guess she has plenty of dance experience because they don't like to be called strippers anymore, it is dancers. I need to go see some dancers this weekend.
Brooke Burke is a terrible mother. It has been 10 months since she has given birth to her son and she has yet to give him a name. Somewhere Britney Spears is saying, "god, what a bad parent, even I named my kids." I think Brooke will go all crazy with her son's name and it will be something like Airline Pilot or Mozart Amadeus or maybe Emolicate.
Apparently no one is watching Ashton Kutcher's new show. I guess it is because the celebs he is using, besides Paris Hilton and Avril Lavigne, are so far down the list that no one cares. See that Ashton? It is me and every other gossip reporter and all of majority giving you the finger. Just go away.
I've saved the craziest people for last................
The Dr. Pepper company announced this week that if Axl Rose release his album, 10 years in the making, Chinese Democracy, Dr. Pepper will give everyone in America a free can of Dr. Pepper. The reason Dr. Pepper is doing this is because they won't have to give anyone a single can of Dr. Pepper and also they releazie what his quest for a perfect album is like because they once looked for the perfect amount of ingredients for their product but they stopped at 23 ingredients and they don't change it every few months. Anyway don't expect to get any Dr. Pepper or maybe...just maybe...Axl has bought so much stock in Dr. Pepper and he will release the album thus driving his stock prices up so he can be super ultra mega rich...nah, he's too crazy.
Britney Spears was on How I Met Your Mother this week and apparently it wasn't that bad. Following the heels of her performance she was offered the lead role in a London production of A Streetcar Named Desire and also CBS has started talking with Britney about having her own sitcom. You know this is just what a person who has suffered from a nervous breakdown needs, more stress.
The Badgers lost. Oh well. I will try to be back tomorrow for a music update.
It is getting colder and we are expecting 6-12 inches of snow although all the weathermen disagree. Actually I have heard as low as 3 inches and high as 14, so I guess the mean would be 6-12. I can't wait. Just what my back needs, more thick heavy snow. Oh well time to make fun of tattoos.
Sir, you need to get that tattoo un-DUN. I loathe Larry the Cable Guy. He is a bigot and a fraud. Yeah, you don't hear a lot of people quoting his routine about office relationships and computer networks. Now I have to put up with him doing weightloss program commercials. I wish he would meet the same fate as the cable guy in the movie The Cable Guy.
This is a tattoo tribute to Christina Aguilera. I hope she doesn't see this tattoo and start shading her face blue. I also pray that Xtina can do a better job applying lipstick.
This smoking skull bong is so bad that I didn't realize it was a smoking skull bong tattoo until I looked a little closer. At first I just thought it was a pile of crap.
There are no words I can use to describe this horrible tattoo mostly because I have absolutely no clue what it is supposed to be.
OK, all my friends who have babies are going to hate me but anyway, newborns are ugly. Their faces are all scrunched together. It takes a couple weeks before they start to luck cute as people with emotions unlike me say. So, my friends, do not tattoo your newborn on your body. This tattoo is proof positive why you shouldn't tattoo a newborn or any aged child on your body.
Tattooing your dog? Tattooing a cat on a dog? PEOPLE THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So is this tattoo supposed to be Saturn? A UFO? A bomb? Whatever it is, this tattoo is crap.
Since when does pizza come in a can?
I recommend this guy shave his head and get a tattoo on the other side of his head that says "Insert Brain Here".
Hmmm I am actually getting sort of hungry for some pizza. I wonder if this guy ever has the problem of someone trying to bite his arm.
My question is why did you get this tattoo.
All I see in this tattoo is Jesus looking up at the guy and asking "Why did you tattoo me on your back?"
Well I am thinking I will forgo my music entry tonight and wait for the weekend. I will be back tomorrow with a celebrity round-up.
So I had a busy afternoon and evening thus not being able to get to do any more blog postings. I scoured the internet looking for links to the soundtrack to the movie The Crow but I couldn't find it. I will have to find the individual songs elsewhere. I also had some fun German cover songs bookmarked but I can't seem to get the links to work. Anyway I will try to get that working tomorrow. Right now it is just time for some mundane crazy pictures.
This was supposed to be my happy easter picture, The Ultimate Peepshow.
Finally a guitar that I can play.
I remember having to do this project in college.
Gives a whole new meaning to the subtitle "Rise of the Silver Surfer".
Last time I checked Runaway was a song by Bon Jovi and Bon Jovi isn't exactly punk rock. When will porn directors get the facts correct?
If only it were narrated by James Brolin.
These were a couple of the other easter pictures I was going to display. I guess the Easter Bunny really delivers.
Stare.....CHRIST LIVES!!!!!!!!!
Ruh-roh! Unintentional male nudity.
Spring break this year featured plenty of untapped kegs.
Someone stole another of my ideas. It looks like I have one more chance to start my snow bar with the storm we are expecting this evening and tomorrow morning. 6-12 inches of more snow!
Well that is all for now. I will be back tomorrow hopefully with an update of music and crappy tattoos.
I have been silent for a reason. I had a health scare on Saturday afternoon that really shocked me and my family. I went shopping with them and on the way we ate at Burger King. Well I had some chicken sandwich and anyway after eating it and letting it settle I started feeling violently ill. I drank a bottle of water and then felt better. Well before supper I decided to make a pit stop and went. It was strange because I sat there and nothing happened and then all of a sudden I felt a gush of liquid. I examined it and fainted because it was entirely blood. After waking up I went to the hospital and had all sorts of tests done. Thankfully it isn't cancer because I was displaying signs of pancreatic and colon cancer. Never want my colon examined again. The doctor thinks I had a form of ecoli but couldn't diagnose it. She thinks that something I ate had something wrong with it and it tore the lining of my stomach and thus caused me to bleed. Well I have to examine everything that exits my body to make sure there isn't any blood. I am feeling better and walking so don't make any plans for my funeral any time soon. So now I have to catch up with my blogs. I think I will do a couple today. First up comic books.
I'd be inclined to think that all of the furry tickling snouts would be torture but then maybe that would be pleasureful but then they are animals so you would have to be some sort of deviant to get off to that. Anyway I love how the mink is going all in by grabbing the top of the mountain. Maybe human males have evolved from minks.
I don't understand Spanish but I bet in this issue she fights her archnemesis, the wind.
I am thinking that guy is brain damaged or just another example of a racial caricatures. I think most Native Americans didn't speak like that by the 1970s when this issue was published. The super writers of Supermen are dicks.
I think this is the first example in written history of a Jesus Camp.
Seriously, isn't there a better name for a hero. I bet he likes to frolic around with his cape and color coordinate the wardrobes of the less fortunate and make over his enemies.
Justice League can not take out an ape. No wonder there hasn't been a live action Justice League movie. Wonder Woman is doing nothing as usual. I feel sorry for poor Plasticman. His face has been crushed. Luckily he is plastic and will go back to normal. I also tend to think that John Steinbeck is rolling around in his grave after the title was made for this comic.
Kids beating up the handicapped just isn't that exciting. Come on what havoc can a person in an iron lung wreak upon this world? We will never find out because the Boy Commandos are punks.
The 11th Commandment must be "You shall not litter". My grandfather told me the 11th Commandment was "You shall not cultivate on your face what grows wild on your ass". I am a bit confused...to the Bible study!
OK, note to future comic writers...examine the picture painstakingly and then CAREFULLY choose your words.
Looks like Ol' Rex has been puffing a little too much on that peace pipe.
Wow, that Junior Hopp sure is keen. I love the euphemism of the feather standing straight up. Guess those old comics are full of sexual angst.
Someone is going to hell for this. I bet the Battle Pope's archenemy is Martin Luther with his nails and 95 theses of doom....I seriously have a problem with an overactive imagination.
I'll be back later.
"It is spring." I said this phrase repeatedly today as I trudged through an estimated 10 inches of snow. "This is spring." Of course I should be used to crazy weather, afterall I live in Wisconsin, but 10 inches of snow on March 21? Anyway I went to church to observe the Good Friday service. Thankfully I live three blocks from my church. The service was a lot of talking and of course my mind started wandering. I thought of Barack Obama and his recent troubles with his "racist" pastor. I have seen and heard the whole sermon where he says, "God, damn America!" Well if people knew anything about Christianity they would know that God damns people to Hell for their sins and I think that is what he was trying to get at. Then I was thinking how John McCain's religious guru, John Hagee, has pretty much said the same things for years and years and he has said far worse things, almost Westboro Baptist Church things, but he is not strung up for saying bad things about America. It really makes me see how the African Americans continue to struggle and how the freedom of religion and freedom of speech is apparently only an option for whites. Then after church I got the mail and got a watch I won in an auction on Bidz.com. Nice watch, $4 so I am happy. Then my dad had to go pick up my mom from work. They got stuck in their driveway and my dad was pushing the car and he slipped, hit his head on the grill of the car and fell. He cut his head open and had to go to the emergency room. 8 stitches, a prescription for muscle relaxants, and a tetnus shot later he is doing ok. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better "spring" day.
Time to make fun of celebrities instead of me railing about politics and race.
Winona Ryder is up to her old tricks again. She was shopping at a CVS pharmacy and bought some things but then as she exited the security alarms went off and when the guard and clerk came to her she pulled out a handful of make-up products from her pocket and said something that she forgot and then she left. I think I will forgive her because I have done the same thing. I had my hands full with a case of beer and a pizza and I stuck a pack of gum in the pocket of my hoodie and well I forgot to pay but then I am not a celebrity who makes millions of dollars for movie roles.
Will Smith is the newest face of Scientology. A former high ranking official within the church said that Tom Cruise targeted Smith because he is such a likable African American and if they got him then other African Americans would fall in line. Wow, Scientology sounds like they are trying to recruit an army...I get it...they are recruiting an army to finish Xenu once and for all.
There is an arrest warrant for Shia Labeouf. He failed to show up for a court date for a fine for smoking outdoors in Burbank, California. Smoking outdoors? I can understand if a person is smoking indoors where the establishment has a no smoking policy, but outdoors? That is worse than a statewide smoking ban in public buildings....I'm looking at you Minnesota. As of my writing the warrant has not been served.
Sarah Jessica Parker was recently voted as the unsexiest woman in the world by Maxim Magazine. OK, look at the source, Maxim...if you aren't a knockout by that magazine's standards you are ugly. Hell, I am ugly by Maxim's standards...as I am by most everyone else. Anyway to combat this recent "award" SJP has promised to make more appearances. I do hope that she doesn't make anymore appreances looking like that. Her husband, Matthew Broderick, is supposedly suffering from depression because of this vote. Boo-Hoo...she makes millions, you make millions, and if you didn't want to be in the running for this award then maybe you shouldn't have entered show business. Go wipe away your tears with a hundred dollar bill.
Here's one for the ladies. Pete Wentz is looking pretty feminine lately. Oh wait that isn't Pete Wentz. It's Rumer Willis who is trying to become Pete Wentz. All she needs is the nerd glasses, admitting to trying to kill herself in a Best Buy parking lot preferably at the Best Buy where you work and then calling the boss and having your mom come pick you up to take to a hospital...oh and she needs to date Ashlee Simpson and sing about emo stuff.
Punky Brewster had a baby girl this week. She named her new daughter Jagger Joseph Blue Goldberg. Jagger was welcomed into the world by her sister Poet Sienna Rose Goldberg. I guess Punky is "trying to turn the world around" with the names she is giving her children...Joseph for a girl...these names are lifting me off the ground. If she has a boy, "we'll have to wait and see"...what she names the boy. Look up the theme song for Punky Brewster, you won't be upset.
Paris Hilton has been in Africa this week. She is supposedly some sort of goodwill ambassador for Coca-Cola because she is in Africa for My Coke Fest. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good name to me either. I am suprised, with a fest name like that, Coke didn't spring for Pete Doughtrey or Boy George or George Michael. I do hope that little girl has had her shots.
Paris Hilton, while in Africa, went to an orphange to sign autographs. See most orphanges don't keep 8x10 photos of celebrities so Paris had to bring her own photos to sign. Yes, she chose a bikini picture to give to kids at an orphanage. She has a warped mind.
I found this while surfing the net searching for information about one of the newest celebrity sex tapes. Paris is preparing to do some hammering...yeah cheesy.
Nicole Richie has recently said that the least favorite thing about giving birth is having to spend time with her newborn...oh wait I am assuming that since I never see her with her child. No but seriously she said that the least favorite part of pregnancy is that her breasts have grown. How could you not like those? Anyway I don't have breasts but if a girl wants to help me understand and share with me by hands-on experiences what having breasts is like, I am willing to help you endure breast having....why, yes, I am lame.
This is a still shot from Mischa Barton's new movie, Closing the Ring. This is definitely a good break from The OC.
In an interview this week Michael Stipe came out of the closet...again. It seems like every interview he has done post 9/11 he comes out of the closet. I like the REM but the coming out the closet thing every interview is a little bit...gay.
Melanie Brown has been on spring break this week. I guess there is a reason why they call her Scary Spice. I guess it has been a long time since I last saw her with all the glitz and glam that is Dancing with the Stars.
There has been a lot of sex tape news this week and this was one of the major stories. Supposedly this was a still from a Lindsay Lohan BJ caught on tape. Today, sadly, it was reported that this wasn't Lindsay but just some lookalike on yuoporn or porntube whichever. Also Lindsay has been caught up in another sex scandal, this time involving two other women. Apparently Lindsay can't decide which girl she loves better so she is sleeping with both. It must be nice to have problems like that...gee, I can't decide which woman I like having sex with better. Oh and all this talk of sex tapes...that reminds me, I should get working on mine because apparently that is the only way to get famous that or screwing a governor.
Here's one for the ladies. That is Liev Schrieber. Now, ladies, please stop throwing your panties at me.
There was an interesting story about Kristin Callavari floating around this week. A girl started posting on a gossip website that she went to summer camp with Kristin and that Kristin taught her to perform oral sex on males and Kristin and the other girl were only 13. When asked Kristin said something along the lines of how she taught many people and that it is only a blowjob. Hmmm let's see, when I was 13 I was playing baseball and daydreaming about professional sports and oh yeah I can't condemn her so next....
This here is Kendra Wilkinson. She's the airhead on The Girls Next Door. In this picture it looks like her girls can't be contained.
Kate Moss and her boyfriend were detained by police in Paris this week. The were taken into custody and then later released. No charges were pressed. What were they doing you ask...they were dancing on the grave of Jim Morrison. I can't make this stuff up.
Kate Beckinsale said in an interview this week that she hates sushi. See that is where I would end the conversation but she continued and said that she would rather eat vagina than sushi. Makes me wonder if she hates lollipops and what she would rather suck.
This is from the set of Johnny Depps new movie Public Enemies. See they are filming down by Madison this week. When they come to Baraboo I am there and will bring my paparazzi friends and hopefully I can get some incriminating photos and give them to him in exchange for a role in the movie. Oh and some old guy from my hometown is an extra in the movie because he has a car, complete with bullet holes, that is from that time period. I am taking pride in this movie.
Jennifer Anniston is on spring break in Miami. You now she might as well be wearing a thong. If only Miami had a lax attitude toward toplessness then I would be set.
Heather Mills won her divorce settlement against Paul McCartney this week. She is set to receive $50 million which roughly equals $1400 per hour for the duration of the marriage. She is planning on using the money and coming to America. I wonder what she is going to spend all that money on. My bet is a diamond encrusted leg.
After Heather Mills won the settlement she dumped a glass of water over the head of Paul McCartney's attorney, Fiona Shackleton. This is a before and after photo. I guess you best not be messing with a one legged woman demandin $50 million.
This is Audrina Partridge. Turns out she has some nude pics which were released this week and no this isn't the big sex tape news either. In case you are wondering who she is, she is one of the dimwits on The Hills. Apparently Audrina wants to be famous so she thought the best way to get famous is to pose nude. I guess I had better starting waxing my body for a Playgirl shoot if I want to get famous.
Why two pictures? Because I find pregnant women quite attractive. Anyway I hate to scare away any women who read my blog and are expecting. Halle Berry had a baby girl this week. She originally named the girl Clara Stella Aubry Berry but then changed it to Nahla Ariela Aubry Berry. Either one really rolls off the tongue easily. You know I think some of these celebrities should be taken up on child abuse charges for the names they give their children.
DMX was interviewed by a rap magazine this week and in it he claims to have never heard of Barack Obama nor the fact that an African American is attempting to run for president. I wasn't surprised because his world of rap, dog fighting, and drug trafficking is less cutthroat.
They aren't celebrities but this is a pretty funny story. Crystal Rowland and Matthew Pearce broke into a church in Florida and the pastor caught them having sex in the church. When asked why they did what they did, Crystal said that she wanted to have a religious and sexual experience all wrapped in one. You know, I seriously did not make that up.
Coco turned 29 this week although certain parts of her are much younger. You know I have issues with the girls clothing lines that feature writing on the butt. Like girls don't want to be oggled yet they wear clothing that I have to read the writing on a very sexy part and I can't help but stare. Oh and I am a man of faith Coco so look me up.
It's so nice to see that motherhood hasn't softened Christina Aguilera into becoming a natural beauty. Here she is looking like a drag queen hooker which has become her signature style. 
On America's Top Model this week, the models had to experience a paint bukkake. Of course they didn't call it a bukkake. Even TyTy had to have a paint bukkake. I think this is proof that they are lost for ideas of what to do on television and that there is no more creativity left in television. Oh and if you want to know what bukkake is just look it up here at Wikipedia.
Amy Winehouse was photographed this week with major cuts on her arm. Well she is cutting now, which to some people is a good sign, because it means she is off the drugs and probably going through withdrawal symptoms. Oh man, I really like her but it is hard to see this. I do love her tattoo and no way will that make a Thursday blog appearance.
Amy Winehouse did pose nude, well nude with the help of a guitar and tape. She did this for charity. Amy, I need more charity. Anyway I think she looks absolutely fabulous. I can now die a very happy man.
Ashton Kutcher did some photo shoot for a magazine this week and this was one of the photos. I guess you could say this is for the ladies but I think it is something out of Tom Cruise's dreams.
OK so even after the South Park I am going to talk about Britney Spears. This is more common sense than anything. Before she leaves her house, her father checks to make sure she is wearing underwear and a bra. That is sort of creepy but I guess it is necessary. It's sort of sad to think that an adult needs another adult to make sure they are wearing undergarments so they don't go flashing their headlights and chacha to photographers.
Mel Gibson and Britney Spears were photographed having dinner together. He claims that he is looking out for her because they used to be neighbors and he wants to counsel her...yeah "cousel". This has Ashton Kutcher written all over it.
Ok this is the big sex tape news so if you are offended by the notion that people sometimes have sex and videotape it leave now.
That is the last non-naughty picture you will see.
Kristin Davis of Sex and the City was recently revealed to be the star of a sex tape. Some people have speculated that this is not really her but just a lookalike because of the fact that there is already a pay per view website set up. Well it has been confirmed that it is her because a guy who dated her 5 years ago came forward with photographic evidence. He also said that there isn't a tape but it is just pictures. Here are some more. By the way, looking at this one, I thought it was her tongue but it isn't. This always makes me wonder why celebrities document their sex lives. I think it has something to do with how they are constantly in front of the camera and they need the precense of a camera to function. Anyway that is what people say about Britney, she needs a camera taping in order to to have sex. So I guess I need to start producing mine.
Anyway I hope your week was better than Kristin Davis'. Hopefully I will be back tomorrow.
Well it has been a long fun day. College basketball is so enjoyable. These are just kids not out playing for millions of dollars but playing for the love of the game. Sure some of them will go on to the NBA and only use the college ranks as a stepping stone due to the NBA's new policy that a player has to be one year removed from high school before declaring himself eligible for the draft. Anyway I am cheering on North Carolina in two brackets, UCLA in another, and Memphis in another. Overall I am pulling that Wisconsin actually do something this year besides winning one game and then getting beat in the second round. Well now that I have talked about college basketball I feel it is time to talk about some crappy tattoos.
That looks as fake as Paris Hilton and just as crappy too.
Maybe this one isn't crappy because it looks just as nice as the actual animation from the first season. I like it how the only one sitting in a chair is Joe and the other three are just sort of levitating.
And...you're proud...BECAUSE????????? Your tattoo makes your daughter look like some sort of alien character from The Last Starfighter....how is that for a reference?
At first I thought this was someone attempting portraits in the French watercolor impressionism but then I realized it was just crap. Well the kid on the right does look what I would imagine Phillip Seymour Hoffman to have looked like as a child, especially if he was anything like his character in Boogie Nights.
This tattoo gives new meaning to the term "thumbing a ride".
Fantasy tattoos are not fantastic. Just look at those floating orbs, they are supposed to be 3D but 3D isn't something most people can achieve with tattoo art. Also this person has gargantuan balls for actually making the dragon anatomically correct. My last question is about the tail. Is that supposed to be a flaming tip to the tail or is it just a gigantic zit? I will have to role my multi-sided dice to find the answer. 
Fish taco? Yeah I get it but it doesn't look like a good fish taco and more like something Paris Hilton would have. Wow, I am totally against Paris today, probably because of how she punked me last week.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE'SSSSSSSSSS Crappy Tattoo Johnny!!!! If you don't get the reference, got out this weekend and rent The Shining. 
Hopefully she isn't tell her boyfriend to think of something different while he is behind her.
I didn't know the sun was a drinker. Actually that sort of looks like me after a half dozen shots of beer and whiskey...see I can't remember the name of the drink but this dive bar offers a shot that the drop a shot of whiskey in about two shots of beer and then you slam it. Horrible but it does the job to get rid of all the memories of that no-good tramp that ripped my heart through my chest and proceeded to stomp it into the ground...yeah I have what they call "trust issues".
I hope Connor led a productive life and didn't have all that acne or red streaks around his face. Come on, if I get someone tattooed on my body there is no way in hell that I would let the artist put zits in the tattoo. That is so indignant.
So would it be doggy-style or butterfly-style?
Well I will be back tomorrow with another Celebrity Round Up but now I take my leave because The Boondocks is on Adult Swim.
So I was thinking of yet another influential band and I always tend to overlook this band because I have just gotten into them in the past few years, The Pixies. Think of all the bands they have influenced...Nirvana...Green Day...Radiohead...and then think of all the bands that those have influenced. OK I'm getting off the soap box.
Time for some comic book shenanigans.
So is the monster saving the girl or is he feeding her to the crocodile? If he is feeding her then that is typical monster behavior but if he is saving her then all sort of hell will be unleashed upon the earth. The monster is named Man-Thing. I think that could be taken as some sort of euphemism, well he does sort of have a rise on his head but the bumps are maybe something he needs to cure with Valtrex. I can't imagine what Playgirl-esque poster is on the inside.
So cavemen came from Krypton? I am so confused. Not so fast Christian Bob...it may prove that cavemen didn't come from Earth but then they came from another planet. I mean when I was in grade school a teacher said the notion that any other life existed besides us was asinine because God could only love us. Hmmm...didn't know we as humans could put limitations on what God could or couldn't do. Anyway this cover is just another DC Comics mind-hump.
This one is too. Is the Batmobile in the shop and if it is would Batman take it to a GM Goodwrench certified mechanic? OK Batmobile aside...did they forget that Superman can fly? Maybe it would look a little bit gay if he was carrying Batman and Robin while flying through the sky, but then looking gay has never been a concern of Batman or Robin.
I look at this cover and all I can think of is that it should be sold in adult bookstores. Either Marvelman was cut off at the right knee or he is giving the guy a taste of Marvel-cock. Maybe he is because the great dam could be talking about a dental dam.
So people are going to evolve in the future and they will evolve with underwear already covering their naughty bits. What does evolution have in store for us next? Thankfully a year from now science will be allowed to be legally practiced in this country...cure for diabetes anyone?
Oh how cute! Flash and Junior Batman make such a cute couple! And no wonder Hero is a dirty name if you look at what Superman and the Green Arrow are up to. Just thinking...has there been a movie about the Green Arrow...I would love to see something about his drug abuse on screen and also how he broke things with Superman.
For some reason I don't recall this character in the Bible nor do I remember skyrises and electricity during the story of the first Passover.
For awhile now I have been raging on Superman for being a dick, well here I conceed that one of my favorite heroes, Ghost Rider, too, is a dick.
His gaze tells me that he and I have a lot in common. He also looks like he is asking the same question I am asking...Are they real?
Hmmmm...not only is Flash a little gay but he may just be a pedophile.
I don't think that is how the tides work.
OK I am going to give away the story....see the guy in the center is having his bachelor party and he thinks he is marrying this sweet little innocent girl. Well one of the superheroes decides that it would be a good idea to watch a porno with 8 other men in the room. They start watching only to realize that the star of the movie is the bride to be....see that is why I love comics, sometimes the stories seem like the come straight from the Greek tragedies.
This is a busy time of year...NCAA tournament starts tomorrow and I need to get some of my brackets in so wish me luck. Hopefully I will be back with a crappy tattoo update.
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