I am late with this post so please forgive me.  I was planning on going out tonight because Brother Ali was in Madison.  Well before we were getting ready to leave we found out the show was sold out so we decided to hang out and talk and then go to a couple of bars.  Fun times were had by all.  I will talk more about my experience at one particular bar in a post tomorrow.  Right now I need to dish celebrity gossip, Midwestern style...well Midwestern male style that is getting into celebrity gossip solely as a way to have something to talk about with women.  It works.  So basically this is a straight guy's guide to celebrity gossip.

This is for the ladies?  Actually this is Zac Efron's attempts to put those rumors that he is straight to rest.

I normally try to ignore Tyra Banks because of how self-centered and delusional she is.  Well this week or in one of the recent episodes of America's Next Top Model starring Tyra.  She had the models do a homeless photo shoot because the homeless afterall are SO glamorous.  Well part of the reason Tyra wanted to do a homeless photo spread is because she claimed she understood what it was like to be homeless.  Now I expected to hear Tyra start crying about what a rough childhood she had and how they had better feel sorry for her.  To my surprise this wasn't the case.  Tyra claimed she understood what it was like to be homeless because she was homeless for one WHOLE day for her talk show.  Vanity, thy name is Tyra Banks.

Speaking of vanity and Tyra Banks, she is in plans for another reality series along with Ashton Kutcher.  The show has been bought by MTV and the premise will be what it is like when you take a group of beautiful people and put them all in the same house and see how they enact with each other.  HMMMM hasn't this been done in The Real World? Road Rules? Making the Band? Real World vs Road Rules? The Hills? A Shot at Love?  Basically any show on MTV?  I think the creative juices of network executives have run dry.

Oh man, Rihanna is so hot she is making my brain melt.  Is it just me or does anyone else think she raided Janet Jackson's closet?

Rachael Ray...seriously I hate this woman.  I just had to post a photo of her in a bikini and with her monstrously huge mouth...hmmm that mouth...maybe I like her afterall.

The latest trend for celebrities is pregnancy and now the d-list celebrities are trying to get in on the act.  This, folks, is Punky Brewster.  Wow, my first celebrity crush is pregnant.  I feel my childhood is being ripped from my memories. 

Prince, everyone's favorite Minnesotan, will be undergoing hip replacement surgery later this week.  I guess all those years of provacative and sexy dancing has finally caught up with him.

It was announced this week that Paris Hilton will be the star of an upcoming reality series.  It is unclear whether it will be on MTV or VH-1 but the premise of the show is that Paris is looking for a new BFF(Best Friend Forever).  Is she 12 years old?  God, they are out of ideas for tv and they have sunk to this.  Seeing she stopped going to school after 6th grade, she is mental 12 year old trapped in a whore's body.

Also this week Paris went public with her new relationship.  She is dating Benji Madden of Good Charlotte, a band that I detest.  They claim to be punk rock but they are the furthest thing from it, but maybe not their first album.  Anyway I find it funny that this supposed "punk" is dating Paris.  I think true punk rock is against the materialism that Paris stands for.  Maybe I am just jealous.  Anyway the funniest thing about this whole situation is that Paris and her former BFF are dating brothers.  God, this spells another season of The Real Life.  I hope no tv executive is reading this blog.

Remember how last week was so lesbitastic.  Well this week hasn't been but Natalie Portman tried to infuse some lesbithusiasm into it.  She was interviewed by a magazine and she was asked about what she thought of Scarlett Johansson.  Natalie went overboard and said she loves Scarlett's breasts and how she just wants to grab them...Lord, PLEASE LET ME SEE THAT BEFORE I DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a contestant on the CBS reality series Big Brother.  Her name is Natalie.  What do we know about Natalie from this picture?  She is very talented and I have been watching this show.

Katie Holmes was interviewed this week and the interviewer wanted to get to Katie's religious beliefs so he asked Katie what her idea of heaven was.  Katie responded that her idea of heaven was falling in love with Tom Cruise and being married to Tom Cruise and having Tom Cruise's baby.  Hmmm that doesn't sound like a brainwashed robotic answer at all.  Oh and she is rumored to be having another baby. Apparently she decided she needed to go to heaven once again, or is it hell because it is rumored the first baby isn't Tom's but L Ron Hubbard's.  Oh Katie, I remember when you were sane.  I miss the real Katie.

At an AIDS fundraiser this week, Kate Beckinsale was asked what her best feature was.  She said her vagina but she said she normally doesn't refer to it as her vagina but she calls it Pharoah's Tomb.  That is pretty creepy and when I think of a pharoah's tomb I see cobwebs and dust and animals crawling.  Well Kate did say not many people have visited her tomb so I guess there could be cobwebs but she then went on and said that the visitors said it was an exquisit tomb. I was I was a celebrity sometimes and could just go around talking about my genitals in public at an AIDS fundraiser.

Here's another one for the ladies.  This is John Stamos or as he will be forever known, UNCLE JESSIE.  I wanted to use this blog to start my own celebrity rumor but I don't know the legality of such an action.  My rumor about John Stamos is believable.  It is that when he gets with women, he makes them dress like Kimmy Gibbler.  Yeah Full House has really left an impression on my mind.

This is Kari Byron of Mythbusters.  Who knew science could be so sexy?

This is Jennifer Stroth.  She isn't a celebrity but her mugshot and arrest story sounded like something a celebrity would do.  She was arrested for stabbing her 72 year old boyfriend on two non-consecutive occasions.  When the police arrested her, she offered them blow jobs if they let her go.  Why did I not become a police officer?  Oh yeah, getting shot at was a health hazard I didn't want to deal with so I became a teacher...I think that was a parallel move.

Seeing that Hollywood starlets are getting pregnant left and right and seeing she has been feeling the pressure to get pregnant, Jennifer Anniston has started freezing her eggs for future impregnation.  Part of the reason why she hasn't gotten pregnant is that she claims she hasn't had sex for 6 months.  WELCOME TO THE CLUB, SISTER!  You would think that someone who is skipping happily down a sidewalk would be getting some action but I guess I am wrong.
 
Oh this is Coco.  She is looking rather demure.  Trust me this is demure for Coco.  I may be going out on a limb but this is almost a nun-like appearance for Coco.  She is featured in the March issue of Playboy.  I didn't post any pictures because Ice T is in a few but not nude but it is just weird seeing him and his naked wife.  It is like he is inviting me to drink up Coco.  

It's good to see that Christian Aguilera is milking her new breasts for all they are worth.  Yes she just had a baby but I still think instead of milking I should be saying siliconing.

Angelina Jolie is officially pregnant.  All she had to do to announce that she was pregnant was wear this dress.  She is planning on having the baby in France as a way to honor her mother who is French. Then after the baby is born they will celebrate with Jerry Lewis movies and runny, smelly cheese.
 
Here is Brooke Hogan froliking on the beach.  There have been rumors that she got implants circulating the internet.  Well I don't think she got saline or silicon implants but a new experimental helium implant.  See she has to be held down by the half naked guy.  Man I don't know if she is laughing or constipated.  Either way, she is becoming less transvestite looking and more beautiful like a real woman, well a real woman who happens to have implants.

Finally, I have decided to end each week with Britney Spears.  This week she decided she wanted to go jeans shopping.  Well before she left she called every paparazzi agency in L.A. to let them know where she would be shopping.  Needless to say it caused mass hysteria on the roadways.  The LAPD have finally had enough and have been "urging" Britney to stay at home or have someone else do her shopping.  I think she sees the paparazzi as her friends or that because she has grown up under teh scrutiny of the camera she craves the attention.

Britney did get to visit her children for the first time since her breakdown on January 3rd.  The good news is that this was a supervised visit under the supervision of her father and her psychiatrist. 
 
The worst Britney news of the week is that once again it has been rumored that she is pregnant.   The father is her on again/off again paparazzi boyfriend Adnan.  You know if this is true, he will probably dump her and he will be monetarily set for life.  You know I am starting to feel sorry for her crazy ass.

Well I will write some more tomorrow about my evening.