So I haven't been online much this week.  It all started Sunday afternoon.  I redeveloped my horrible cough similar to what I had when I had my initial lung infection.  I was down and hurting.  I had my procedure on Monday and that really sucked except for what a nurse did to me.  I get to the hospital and to the area where it was going to take place.  Well they had to prep me and that meant more ivs and blood samples.  I also got to talk to the doctor and he showed me the camera they would be shoving down my throat.  I got so nervous.  The nurse was holding my hand in her hand and was rubbing it on her thigh which is apparently a new technique to get veins to appear on the hand.  Anyway that is the most action I've gotten in a long time.  Thought I'd share.  They then sprayed this horrible substance in my mouth the numb my throat.  I must say the taste was terrible but I kind of enjoyed the results.  I don't know why but it felt cool to have no feeling in my mouth.  Then came the knockout relaxation medicine.  Too bad it didn't knock me out but just relaxed me.  I witnessed this long black snake being inserted down my throat and then watched it on the tv monitor.  The doctor couldn't find anything wrong so he then sent me to get ultrasounds of my lower organs.  I don't understand how when pregnant women get those that it doesn't hurt the baby.  I had bruises after awhile.  Anyway the person couldn't see anything wrong so they sent the pictures to the UW hospital and I am still waiting on results.  Probably nothing serious if I am waiting this long.  Anyway, I had a follow up the next day with another doctor.  He gave me some shots of antibiotics and steroids and then more prescriptions of antibiotics and steroids.  He also ordered me on strict bedrest so most of my days have been spent reading in bed.  I am a huge fan of Chuck Palahnuik.  I have read two of his books this week alone.  I go back Monday for more blood tests and another check up to make sure I still have lungs.  Anyway I am feeling able today and went and read up on my celebrity foibles.  Let's just say it was a slow week for celebrity news.  It was about as slow as the new Mike Myers' movie The Love Guru is funny.  Enjoy!

Will Smith's new movie Hancock sort of hit a snag in London this week when not all the letters of the movie were delivered for the premiere.  Strangely, Tom Cruise was seen standing in line and clearly was salivating every time he looked and saw Will Smith Cock on the board.  Tom really likes his new Scientology buddy.

A story of Tom Cruise was released this week.  It said that all of Tom's cars are bombproof and his drivers are professionally trained for defensive driving.  Wow, how very careful Tom Cruise is?  You would think that he should make his acting career bomb proof...Vanilla Sky...Minority Report...War of the Worlds...Mission Impossible 3...Lions for Lambs???????????????

Serena Williams was seen getting out of a car normally for a pre-Wimbeldon party in London this week.  You know I think I am going to start watching tennis. 

Yeah this is Serena's sister Venus...another reason to start watching tennis. I want to make a gravity comment here but I am just in awe.

Rihanna, please leave the hat wearing to the professionals.  Or at least go back to seductively dancing with an umbrellas but for the love of God, LEAVE THE HATS ALONE!

Paris Hilton must have like 10,000 dogs by now.  It seems like whenever she buys a pair of shoes she has to buy a matching chihuahua.  No, she probably buys a new dog as frequently as she buys the morning after pill.  Well pet stores have caught on to Paris' ways and just week she was refused to purchase a dog.  Paris started crying and threw a tantrum saying that she just wanted to buy a puppy.  The clerk told Paris to go home to her other pets.  I seem to remember writing a report on how Paris never picked up her pets from the vets, well they are still there waiting for you Paris, go get them.

Nicole Richie has now made it possible for my eyes to dry heave.  That dress looks horrible.  Supposedly she got married last weekend to her boyfriend from Good Charlotte.  I don't know if it is true but Joel Madden posted on his myspace blog that, "I did it, I finally got married."  Way to add to the stress level, Nicole.  See you soon in rehab!

Naomi Campbell was photographed earlier this week coming out of a night club.  She appears to be going bald.  Here's a fun game to play.  Print out this picture and the next time you see Naomi Campbell try to get her to autograph this photo.  Chances are you will get a cell phone thrown at you.  I do have $20 riding in Las Vegas that when Naomi dies and faces God in Heaven, she will throw a BlackBerry at him.

As if going bald wasn't bad enough for Naomi, her sentence was handed down today in connection with her fighting two police officers at a British airport.  She received 200 hours of community service and was ordered to pay the two police officers involved $400 and the pilot $300.  Now she will have to give up Kristal and cocaine for a whole month to be able to afford to pay those fines.

While his girlfriend is at home being pregnant, Matthew McConaughey went to Mexico this week and got royally trashed.  I have heard that women really enjoy this guy.  I don't see it but then I was one to think that Mr Belvedere was a funny tv show.

Everyone's favorite recovering alcoholic celebrity rehaber porn-star, Mary Carey made a major announcement this week poolside in Las Vegas.  She announced that she is officially running for California State Assembly.  She she didn't do to well in the gubernatorial bid so she decided to go down a peg.  Her campaign motto is something quite interesting.  She is claiming that she is the politician that you would like to get screwed by.  I can see her winning the seat because of that motto much in the same way as how Jesse Ventura became governor of Minnesota.  You know I am just thinking of Mary Carey's motto.  I do find her attractive, so attractive I think I may need to go find a way to lower my blood pressure but anyway no way would I let my penis get near her.  Especially not after seeing her filmography.  I think if I got near her I would soak it in bleach and then in boiling water.  All I can say is that California is going to be in for some interesting times with her in office. 

Another round of Guess the Ass.  Hint:  Donald Trump used to hit that...That is Marla Maples...remember her?  I didn't think so.

Last week there were photos of Lindsay Lohan floating around the net saying she was fat.  Well she was wearing a pregnancy prosthetic for her new movie Labor Pains.  This week Lindsay wanted to show everyone that she was indeed not fat so what better way to show it than by hitching up her shirt and walking around with a bare stomach.  Thank you, Lindsay, you are a genius.

Guess the ass....answer below.

So the ass belongs to Kate Beckinsale who opened her mouth again this week to complain that her butt was too big.  She was so ashamed of her butt that in a new movie they had to hire a nude stand-in to film all naked butt scenes involving Kate.  I don't know what her problem is but in my estimation that may be a little on the small side, but what do I know, I thought getting my hand on a nurse's thigh was exciting.

Now look at that ass, Kate Beckinsale, that may be considered a fat ass.  Kim Kardashian posed while on family vacation to show off her most prominent feature.  The captain of the chartered yacht was afraid to take Kim out in the ocean fearing that her ass would throw off the tides.  Of course it did, and now the Midwest is underwater.  Damn you and your wickedly fabulous fat ass, Kim Kardashian!

Kate Moss is culturally insensitive.  See I'm one of those liberal types who when I go to another country will respect their way of life as best as I can.  Kate isn't like that.  She went to Turkey and wore this dress in public.  Luckily she wasn't stoned or set on fire.  See if you are a woman who travels to a Muslim nation it is a good thing that you wouldn't wear a see-through dress like Kate did.  Just a tip, ladies.

One of Jennifer Lopez's staffers was quoted this week to have said that JLo considers herself to be the world's worst mother.  Well let's see.  Carrying newborn down really steep stairs wearing four inch platform heels...check...bad mother.  OK, well if you carry your kids down steep steps with four inch platform heels sorry.

Guess the juicy ass...this one is difficult.  Her name is Jennifer Ellison and she is a British singer, dancer, and movie star.  Apparently the only movie I have ever seen her in is the 2004 movie adaptation of Phantom of the Opera where she played Meg Giry, see it was difficult to guess but well worth the effort.

Jamie Lynn Spears had her baby.  She gave birth to a little girl.  The rumored names were Lizzie Cheeto(Britney's choice) or Queen Anne.  See nobody ever has accused the Spears family of being bright.  The actual name they chose for their little girl was Maddie Briann.  So is it illegal to say Jamie Lynn is now a MILF?  Yeah I think we wait a year on that one.  Vegas odds on when Maddie Briann will have her first child are under 15(20:1)16(15:1) 17(7:1)18(4:1)19 or older(off).

Here we see Helen Hunt enjoying some fun on the beach and then with 30 minutes and photoshop we see that Helen Hunt enjoys take massive pisses on the beach.  I saw this picture early this morning and then 30 minutes later I found it photoshopped.  What a wonderful world we live in!

What do the two most vain people in the world who claim to be worth billions do for fun on the weekends?  Why they shop for guns.  Apparently Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag spent over $10,000 on guns last weekend.  See the guns were special because they are all the same weapons that the U.S. Delta Force uses.  Spencer said they needed the guns to be prepared for anything.  Can you imagine Heidi holding a gun?  She probably points it the wrong direction.  I think they are covertly planning on taking out the Real World: Hollywood.  Or maybe they just plan on doing some drive-bys in the next season of The Hills.

Steve Guttenberg made news today.  Hell, he made news with me today showing that he is still alive.  A paparazzo was photographing Steve eating a banana and then Steve became irate and started throwing punches at the cameraman.  See what you don't know is that the cameraman was egging on Steve Guttenberg by saying that Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow was much better than Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol.  Man, that's just like stepping between a mother bear and her cub.

I guess here's a little something for the ladies and when I saw a little something I mean a little because apparently this photo of David Beckham has been photoshopped in key areas....oh who am I kidding?  They pasted his face over my body.

David Beckham's looming package has been a delight in front of the Macy's in downtown San Francisco.  No gay marriage jokes. 

Guess the ass...hint...this new mother left her child at home once again so that she could go party this ass off...answer. Christina Aguilera.

Well that is it for this week.  See I said it was slow.  No Britney news other than she went back to her hometown to be with Jamie for the birth of the new Spears spawn.  So remember when I said it was as slow as The Love Guru is funny...well don't go see The Love Guru if you want to laugh or for that matter, think.  Well take it easy and I will try to get better so that I may do some more blogging this week.