Well another day down and more news with my health.  My doctor called to tell me that she forgot to inform me about my anemia.  So apparently the test came back and said I am not getting enough iron.  Either my body is rejecting it or I just haven't been eating things rich in iron.  I tried to explain how the two weeks prior to my hospitalization that I rarely ate anything because I couldn't keep it down because when I went on coughing spells my gag reflex was triggered and I lost my food.  Anyway she recommended that I get some supplement pills.  I have to take these iron pills twice a day.  I have to drink extra water and have to have food in my stomach with these otherwise it could screw up my innards.  I don't know which is worse, having the iron deficiency or the treatment.  In other news, I am now caught up on Top Chef.  I missed the last couple of weeks because I was sick and then the hospital didn't have the expanded cable that I have at home.  Well I was pissed at the outcomes and who one of the remaining chefs is.  I think Lisa made a deal with the devil.  I also found it funny how she was proclaiming to be Jewish and then proceeded to butcher a pig.  Anyway I am calm.  Time to make fun of some comic books.

Why does this comic look so very homoerotic?

I am still trying to figure out why this is hilarious.  I think I found it before I was sick and I thought it was hilarious and I didn't put down my joke for it so now I am lost.  Maybe it has something to do with the Double Digest, I think that is something out of 2 Girls 1 Cup.

WOW!  Who knew Frankenstein was a Nazi?  I mean look at his name.  The Nazis weren't too friendly with people whose names ended in stein.  I guess if they were a seven foot tall walking corpse, they didn't much care as long as they could beat the Allies.

Here we see a true connoisseur of evil.  If you are planning on entering into the profession of supervillianry, no act of evil is too small to be ignored.  Kicking puppies is especially vital.

So this comic tells us the horrors to come in the year 2000.  So where are the spaghetti monsters?  Yes, they are in Kansas fighting to be recognized as part of the intelligent design debate.  If you are lost, look up The Flying Spaghetti Monster.  

I think the Dazzler and this comic book series made disco suck even more than it actually did.

See when comic books posted stories like this in the 40s and 50s it enabled America to endure such things as Mai Lai and Abu Ghraib.  You know "blast crazy" was the original term used to designate post-traumatic stress syndrome.  The scary thing about where Dynamite Joe is firing his arrows with dynamite is that he is on the south side of Milwaukee.

So this is what happened to patriot comic heroes after World War 2.  They time traveled to other times of war during American history.  So how many of these comics do we see being made into movies today?  Well, at least one...Captain America.  So about .09% of comic characters started to combat the Axis powers now have their own movie.  I love those odds.

I love how Frankenstein has the stereotypical green head but his arms and presumably the rest of his body is white.  I just love how they give away the plot line for this in the side bar.  By the way, what is an awesome screamer?  I think I want to marry one.

They say there is always room for Jell-o but sadly there isn't anymore room for Jell-o Man.

I think I have discovered the mystery of why so many people are afraid of clowns.

I started with a homoerotic comic and I will end with one.  The Master of Suction?  How gay is that?

In case you didn't know Rachael Ray taught sex education classes to rich white women in New York before she became a televised cook, notice I didn't say chef because no way in hell is she a chef.  Enjoy!

I went to a follow up visit with my doctor and apparently everything is checking out.  She said my anemia was probably due to my lack of eating the past couple of weeks.  My blood pressure and blood sugar are slightly higher than what she wants but I am still on steroids so that makes those things go higher.  Onward and upward, I guess.  Well I need some motivation so here goes.

 

So I was going to do this last weekend but for obvious reasons I wasn't able to get on the computer to write.  I was going to take you down one of my illustrated stories that are mildly amusing.  Anyway be forewarned, things may get graphic especially when you see some of my "family".  This is the story of one of my family reunions.

The family reunion started off with a nice wedding reception the night before.  You know I really enjoyed the wedding photographer that my family hired.  She must be a struggling artist because she couldn't afford any underwear.

We then had to hose off some of our "country" family.

Then all the "lookers" from Minnesota showed up.  Oddly there was no football game being played, they just dress like that all the time.

I had to look after one of my cousins while his parents went to the store.  He really takes after me.

Uncle Dave even showed up for the reunion.  Things haven't been going well for Uncle Dave since his wife left him.  At least she left him with her clothing and some cold beer.

True love was shown by some of my family members when they displayed their old wedding pictures and honeymoon pictures.  In case you can't read the sign it says, "She got me this morning but I'll get her tonight."  Ah true love.

Cousin Bobby proved to the family that thongs aren't meant to be worn by everyone.

My Aunt Linda and Uncle Doug showed up without their beloved dogs....well they did show up with their dogs but they were wearing them.  Yes, Linda and Doug turned their dogs into sweaters so that they can be kept warm and snuggly.

My cousins Cletus and Tommy couldn't make it to the reunion because they had a run in with the law.  It was nice to see that before they went in they were able to get some sun.

Rudy, the dog sure knows how to get down at our reunions.

One of my cousins graduated high school this spring and she also is getting married this summer.  So to kill two birds with one stone she unveiled her senior/wedding picture.  Yes, this story is actually partly true because I do have a cousin that graduated high school and next month gets married...that really makes me depressed.

It wasn't safe to take a nap with all our family's dogs running around.

My family sure knows how to get down.

My parents finally introduced me to my long last brother Bubba.  Wow, for those of you who know me I bet you are saying the resemblence is striking.  The Pabst, the gut, the manboobs, the beer flying everywhere, empty beer case on head...shocking.

Little Amy even came ready to party.

Cousin Daphne displayed part of her new job at the reunion.

Uncle Hector and Aunt Maria couldn't figure out why their son Mario never got married.  I guess our reunion revealed a lot about people like how some people like to kiss under the mistletoe and some enjoy kissing under the margarita.

My parents decided to display some of my grade school pictures.

Guys were lined up for miles to see my cousin Melissa stretching out at the beach.

My dad showed up and did some posing for pictures.  Surprisingly the guns my dad posed with are completely real unlike the guitars he has.  Oh, dad, you are so embarassing.

Grandma and her friends from the senior center took a break to help "cure" their collective glaucoma.

My grandma and grandpa took some time out of their hectic swinging lifestyle to enjoy the reunion.

Even our dog, Henry the Second, took some time out of his hectic swinging lifestyle to be at the reunion.  To be honest this ended badly.

Some of my cousins even took the time to audition for the Rad Girls.  If you haven't seen that show, look it up.

Things got pretty wild at the lake when the gators came out to play.

Our reunion was filled with so much debauchery that Fred Phelps himself came to protest our wild and wanton ways.

Uncle Leonard got the biggest thrill of his life at the Root Beer Stand when the lady in the booth next to him had a sudden wardrobe malfunction.

Overall it was the best family reunion ever.

Well this blogger needs to go take a breathing treatment.  Hope you got some laughs out of this posting and weren't completely disgusted.

Yes, it is a little late.  Yesterday my parents convinced me that I needed to get out so they took me with them to Wal-Mart.  Now I refused to go in the store but the fresh air and the ride through the country side really did me some good.  I think it was the first time in a week or so that I was able to get out and enjoy a little piece of  nature.  Then when I got home all the fresh air I had inside me knocked me out.  I was down for the count.  I have been getting more sleep recently and the doctor says that is good because I really needed to catch up.  The downside is that being on these steroids it causes me to profusely sweat and when I wake up I am usually covered in a layer of sweat.  I guess you have to take the good with the bad.  Anyway enough of my rambling about health.  Time for rambling about celebrities.  The selection may be scant but give me a break, I was in the hospital for three days.

I have to say this is the best photo shop job ever.  The downside is that every sentence out of Tyra Banks' mouth for the next month will be how her name was mentioned with Oprah's in an article.  They will be talking about teenage pregnancy on her show and just nonchalantly she will drop, "By the way, I'm on a magazine cover and they mentioned my name with Oprah's, YAY ME!"  She is evil.

A funny story came out about how Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson have rekindled their romance.  He said that he was obligated to attend Pete and Ashlee's wedding as Jessica's date because he made that promise.  Oh what a man!  It gets better.  He told her that he would reconsider dating her but only under the condition that her father stayed out of their business.  Oh the insanity!  A father can't tell his daughter and her boyfriend where to go for every meal and how to act at those meals! A pox be on you Tony Romo!  You know I wish I had the balls to actually do that but then if I did I would probably be in the NFL too.

WOW! Summer is here!  Sarah McLachlan looks stellar in that bikini.  Her parents must be so proud of her because not only is she a singer but she is also a songwriter.  Man, my parents are ashamed to admit to people that I am a blogger but mostly because it hasn't opened any doors for me.  Maybe I should start prancing around in a bikini.  I am sure that would work.

Rachael Ray's newest Dunkin Donuts ads have sparked controversy and that controversy was too great so they pulled the ads.  Apparently people were not to appreciative of Rachael's scarf.  See, it looks like a jihadist scarf.  I can't remember the arab name for such scarf nor do I want to butcher the name and have a fatwa placed on my site.  Hell all the hipsters were wearing those in Minneapolis a few winters ago and I think less than 25% were terrorists.  She does look like she is plotting something in that commercial, like how she can get her ass in my kitchen and make me a 30 minute meal and then declare jihad on me.

Ricky Martin has officially endorsed Hillary Clinton.  I wonder if it has anything to do with Hillary's stance on gay marriage.

Pamela Anderson was photographed celebrating a birthday in LA this week.  So that is what hepatitis c and banging every single rock star in America does to a woman.  God, she looks as bad as I did but I don't think she has an infected lung...some other part of her body yes, probably infected, but not her lung.

Here is the upclose view.  I hope you're happy.  You know have hepatitis C.

It's good or maybe it's bad to see that Miley Cyrus is up to her naughty tricks of trying to be sexy.  Oh she is such a wholesome country girl because I know all the country girls around here like to take webcam photos of themselves taking their shirts off with their teeth.  My question for her is when will the sex tape come out, before or after her stint in rehab?

Michael Jackson came out of hiding this week.  Actually he is recording a new album but either way he really is starting to look like the suspicious child molester that he is.  That will soon be featured on To Catch a Predator as soon as all their legal cases clear up.

Guess the ass!  They used to call her Scary Spice but my friends that is a mouth watering thing of beauty.  Melanie Brown is making me want to jump up and start banging my computer screen,  damn these steroids are making me feel strong emotions right now.

So who is this you ask?  This is Matthew McConaughey's brother whose legal name is Rooster McConaughey.  Yes, his name is Rooster.  Rooster is the star of a new reality series on Tru TV called Black Gold.  It is about guys who go around and look for oil.  She he really be smoking near all those pipes containing oil?  The answer is yes, his name is Rooster and he can do whatever damn well he pleases.  ROOSTER!

Oh Mary Carey, I still can't believe you had the implants taken out.  I want to watch soem of your old "movies" but I think I like the way you look now better.  She is still off the booze thanks to Dr. Drew.  Thanks, Dr. Drew! I think I may have my new celebrity crush.

Lil Kim...von voyage to your natural face.  You know your natural face was nice while it lasted.  I think she is going for the cat woman look.  You can check that out here.

Remember Seventh Heaven?  Remember the cute little girl named Ruthie?  Well that is her on the right.  Yes, that is Mackenzie Rosman who played Ruthie on Seventh Heaven.  Now we can remember her for lesbian kissing as a 19 year old going through that lesbian kissing phase.  

Here's a pose that Mackenzie Rosman never did on Seventh Heaven.

While I was laid up in the hospital, Lindsay Lohan was froliking on the beaches of France but not naked...oh well the summer is young.

There have been a lot of lesbian rumors surrounding Lindsay Lohan lately and the most recent also sounds like the most absurd.  Supposedly she and her fellow carpet muncher Samantha Ronson are planning a partnership ceremony at Dolly Parton's Dollywood.  You know that will happen because Dolly Parton is a gay icon.  Oh and I think if they have the ceremony at Dollywood, it will also lead to the production of the world's largest funnel cake for their wedding cake.  

Another round of Guess the Ass!!!!  No zipper...skin tight clothes...no apparent underwear...who else could it be but Kim Kardashian.

Kate Hudson is now dating Lance Armstrong.  Apparently Lance is going after all of Owen Wilson's seconds.  First it was Sheryl Crow and now Kate Hudson.  I just can't imagine Lance and Kate together.  It reminds me of some of those random bar hook-ups I witnessed in New Ulm and Mankato.  Just random hook ups for the sake of drunken sex and horrible dancing.

Here's a little something for the ladies and that little something is that little bit of lettuce stuck in Jon Voight's teeth.  You know when you are famous and are going to be having your picture taken I guess you really need to pay attention to everything.  Anyway that is pretty funny nonetheless.

Jessica Biel was photographed at a Florida Marlins game this week.  My question is since when did she turn into a 40 year old lesbian lookalike.

Sad news this week for the Spears family.  Jamie Lynn has decided to postpone her wedding until after the baby is born.  Her reason for doing so is that she doesn't want to be fat at her wedding.  How vain can people be?  By the way isn't drinking pop bad for a baby?  Oh well the kid is a Spears kid so it is probably already worked up a tolerance.

This is so fake.  Heidi Montag has fake breast and her body is filled with a squishy substance also known as Spencer Pratt.  God, these people are awful.  I do admire his peach fuzz beard.

OK my guess is that since the news of her attempted fake pregnancy angle rumor got broken that a wedding angleis in the works.  I wonder if she pays US Weekly to print that drivel about her life.  I can't wait for the US Weekly cover that says, "Heidi and Spencer Catch the Bubonic Plague."

This is Heidi Klum and this is the vision I had one of the nights of Memorial Day weekend on one of the occasions where I nearly died from choking on my phlegm.

God, Gwen Stefani looks gorgeous when she is pregnant.  Steroids must be kicking in again.

This is Sarah Larson.  She was dating George Clooney.  They just broke up.  Tough break for her I guess but she will probably find a hunky Italian lake front villa owning boyfriend in no time.  It won't be me although I did consider my hospital room that overlooked a lake to be my lake compound.

This is Emmanuelle Chriqui and she was at the premire of You Don't Mess with the Zohan!  I'd like to mess with her if you know what I mean especially mess with her cleavage if you know what I mean and I think you know what I mean.
 
Clay Aiken got a woman pregnant this week.  Now don't worry, he's still gay.  It was through artificial insemination.  He still is afraid of vagina and he had to be in another room during the time of conception.  Can you imagine the future conversations he will have with his child.  "Dad, how was I born."  "Well I poured my semen in to a cup and the doctors inserted that into your mother." "Dad, is that how babies are born." "Only in matters of true hot man love."  Yeah it will be much worse than that.

Christina Ricci was photographed coming out of a tanning salon this week.  Seriously, she has to be one of the creepiest looking humans on earth but I'd still hit it.

Brooke Hogan proved once again this week that her family are some of the greatest drivers in the world this week by getting into another car accident.  Her car was slammed into the side of a bridge by another car that was going way too fast.  After the accident Brooke got on her myspace and blogged about her ordeal and in her blog she credited John Graziano for reminding her to wear here seatbelt.  Well John is braindead and well Brooke...yeah, they are on the same mental wavelength.

This is Ambre Lake.  She was winner of Rock of Love 2.  She has a new gig on a vh-1 show called Project Slasher which is being billed as a choose your own adventure horror movie.  Remember those books?  I always did the choose your own adventure books for my book reports and I always cheated to get the result that was the best.  They got this photo and figured it was the perfect horror face after she saw Bret Michaels without his bandana on.  That is scary.

Anderson Cooper is now rumored to be getting down with some kinky puppet sex.  You have to admit he and Elmo make a hot couple.  The Silver Fox and the Red Fur...yeah totally going to be porn stars in five years.

Amy Winehouse has been chosen to sing the theme song for the next Bond movie, The Quantam of Solace(or something like that).  The producers said that in order to sing the song she has to prove that she is on the road to recovery and there aren't many crack houses along that road.  I want them to make sure that she wears that outfit whenever she sings the new Bond theme song.  

Here's a new feature.  Guess who wears diapers?  Yes, that is my girl Amy Winehouse.  Maybe I should move on.

Britney Spears met with Merv Griffin Entertainment this week.  I am anxious to see her as a game show host.  The show will have to involve Starbucks and Cheetos somehow.  Anyway what really scares me about this picture is that she looks like she is pregnant again.  WTF!  Hasn't she ever heard of birth control like condoms, the pill or pulling out?

Britney went to a birthday party this week, the same one Pamela Anderson was at in fact.  It took all of her father's strength to squeeze her into that dress.  The good thing about Britney going out to that party was that she didn't have anything to drink.  IF she did she would have bloated and that dress would split.

Well I need to get some recovery time in so I will be back later this week.