Well, I was going to post yesterday however it just slipped my mind and by the time I was ready to blog it was to late and I decided I should attempt to sleep, which actually happened.  Today I was intending to post earlier however this heat and humidity have made me quite lazy and I just didn't want to do much of anything.  Anyway I am here now and I am going to blog.

You are probably wondering about the title of my entry.  Well the other day I was reading a blog about porn, actually the viewing of porn and the desire for it.  I guess it hasn't really been much for me, every once in awhile I get an itch to go to a store and pick up a couple of cheap dvds but that is about it.  (sorry to my riders that night )  I guess my whole issue with porn is why am I watching people having more fun than I am having.  Some of you have emailed me about my comments of being celibate.  No, I am not a priest.  It isn't a self-imposed celibacy but more of a lack of talent so to say.  I am scared to find women around these parts because of how "fertile" it seems that they are.  For instance I have a neighbor that is the same age as I am and has 5 children by 5 different men.  Right now children are far from my mind.  OK, back on subject.  One of the funniest parts of the porn industry has to be all the parodies that are released.  It never fails.  A movie is a blockbuster hit and then a week or so later a porn company releases a parody.  One of my favorite movies from my teen years was Wayne's World and of course there was a parody entitled Zane's World and somehow I acquired a copy.  The movie featured Zane and Girth and they had to score with the chicks in the band and then Zane's ex-girlfriend  Helen Bed(same it fast) showed up and tried to ruin everything.  Well I went scouring the internet to find some of these parodies.  It was hard to find the actual movie covers instead of photos.  Of course I ran into just some titles but I couldn't find proof they existed such titles included Forest Humps and Shaving Ryan's Privates.  Warning there may be some partial to full nudity and definitely a lot of sexuality and people having more fun that I am at the moment.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls has produced two rival parodies.  I think either one could be a winner but I might have to go with Carolina Jones because as the old saying goes, "Nothin' could be fina' than bein' in Carolina"

Truth be told, I have the feeling that this movie would be better than the actual Da Vinci Code.  Tom Hanks ruined that movie...I am surprised they didn't have a parody actor name for this one.  Come on, Tom Yanks?  That might be my porno name.

This is probably the most popular parody title in the history of porno parodies.  According to reviews it mimics the actual movie Edward Scissorhands quite well.  I was always scared of the original so I think I will stay away from this one.

In case you wanted to know what Edward Penishands looked like...yeah I am going to pass.

I was somewhat pleased to see this title because Dazed and Confused is probably one of my all-time favorite movies or at least on that list.

I wonder what Mel Brooks thought of this parody of his parody.  Hmmm, do you think the monster and the scientist have a song and dance number where the monster screams like in the original?  Well there probably is a lot of screaming but I doubt it involves dancing.  Speaking of sex and dancing this reminds me of a joke a pastor at my high school told why our school didn't have any dances until my sophomore year: Why don't Lutherans have sex standing up?  It may lead to dancing.

When Kurt Cobain wrote "Smells Like Teen Spirit", I don't think this is what he had in mind.

I think this title was written after a George Bush speech indicating why we were going to war with Iraq (at least one of the reasons that kept changing).

Not so much a parody but it is very creepy.

My favorite James Bond theme song ruined.

At least this one is probably better than all the other mainstream parody movies such as Meet the Spartans or Love Movie or Superhero Movie.
 
Well I have bitched and moaned about how unoriginal Hollywood has become and how they just put out recycled movies.  A few years ago the trend was to take 60s and 70s tv staples and turn them into big screen movies.  Well the same problem has overtaken the porn community.  The first movie Not the Bradys XXX was so popular it led to the production of Not Bewitched XXX and also Not Gilligan's Island XXX and sadly Not Mr. Roger's Neighborhood XXX.  Notice the cast...yeah they even recycle them as well.  I guess this is a pretty big money making movie series because how many of us fantasized at some time over any of the characters in these shows.  I know if I was on Gilligan's Island things would have been a lot different.  Also the rumor has been going around that some of these titles stole the scenes and plot lines from fan fiction websites so apparently there is a big market for this type.  Oh and with the release of Get Smart this summer two companies are producing differing titles.  One is based on the tv show and will be called Not Get Smart XXX and the other will be called Get Smartass.

Yeah, I am waiting for then next "reality porn" called Ass Road Truckers except I think the title will change and drop the t and r from truckers and replace it with an f.

I'd like to see them recreate the most annoying noise scene.

Honestly this is probably more enjoyable than Meet the Fockers and with the special bonus Spanish language track, you can't go wrong.

Once again this is something I would rather watch than the original.  I doubt there is much dancing but oh well.

Wasn't the original tv series for both Star Trek and Star Trek the Next Generation sexy enough?  Oh well, I hear the Vulcan Death Grip in these movies is quite something to behold.

And Sir Mix A-Lot would be proud, in fact he probably did the soundtrack because that is pretty much the only work he can get these days.

This title conjures up all sorts of questions but first and foremost: WHY?????

Yeah, that is true they don't wear rubbers, mostly because if they were in the porn industry they probably contracted HIV.  Yes, I am a buzz kill.

I think Tori Spelling was actually in this one.

I wonder if this epic parody is as long as the original movies and have multiple endings...oh I could go with a double entendre there but I won't.

Funny because Angelina Jolie brought the Tomb Raider series to the big screen and now with Womb Raider, she just gave birth.  Coincidence?  The porn industry thinks not.

Last one, I promise.  I am only including this one because the major league baseball all-star game is on right now.

Have a good night.