I am sort of pissed off with Xanga.  This is my 499th post.  I was expecting on getting my Xanga True Badge but some fiendish stuff went down.  One of my friends had their blog taken down and I lost all credit for my comments on that blog.  I was in the up 90% on getting to the badge but as of this morning I am down in the low 80s.  This pisses me off so I will be merciless when it comes to celebrities.

Every act from the 70s seems to be reuniting these days so is any wonder that these two guys are going to try to cash in?  Yes, that's right, get out the ceramic bongs because Cheech and Chong are going to reunite for a series of shows and possibly another movie.  I know Tommy Chong needs the money after having a lot of legal troubles in recent years due to his website selling drug paraphernalia.  Cheech Marin doesn't need money because it seems like he is in everything.  Anyway, stoners everywhere are rejoicing.

You better wipe that shit-eating smirk off your face, Tom Cruise.  You have just been named in a lawsuit brought forward by a former member of your pseudo-church.  This case is going to get ugly.  The funny thing with this case is that they are going after the Scientologists under RICO statutes.  That is what the government has used to bring down the Mafia even though there is no such thing as the Mafia.  All I really could tell you about RICO is that is has to do with racketeering and organized crime.  You can learn more here.  It is going to get ugly because in the papers filed it claims how Tom and the church head have used money to buy the silence of one of Tom's former gay lovers.  Just wait until this hits the courts.  The winter will be interesting.

No, Tila Tequila, your talent isn't in there.  Oh wait, you're working?  Too bad you couldn't find your talent but it is good news that you are now servicing #34.  Oh you remember what George Carlin said, "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, WHORE!

Shia LaBeouf was involved in a major car accident this last weekend.  He did some serious damage to his hand.  He was arrested for DUI of course.  Afterwards, bartenders came out and said he was drinking like a madman.  He had a passenger, who did not get hurt.  The passenger was the girlfriend of one of the guys on Extras but I can't remember his name right now because I don't watch that show.  Due to his injury, Transformers 2 will be delayed but right before I started writing I found a report that they may just scrap his character and start over seeing as it would take the same amount to rewrite and reshoot as it would to wait for him to heal.  Anyway that is Shia's car.  Police contend that Shia was drinking and then was speeding and lost control.  Drinking and driving?  That has to be a sick joke because no celebrity would ever consume massive amounts of alcohol and then go driving.  Friends of Shia are saying that he has a drinking problem.  I think he should check out a place I like to call rehab.

Guess the ass.  She is sometimes called the Queen of Lucite due to her choice of shoes and also she may have had a lot of plastic or polymer surgery.  Shauna Sand.

Seth Rogen was almost kicked out of the premiere party of his new movie Pineapple Express.  Turns out the movie is about marijuana and Seth was smoking funny looking marijuana cigarettes...REEFERS!  Can you blame the guy?  He was just promoting his movie.  I wish porn stars would promote their movies in the same way.

This is Samantha Ronson, she is Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend.  She was spotted wearing a rather offensive t-shirt.  I guess I wouldn't expect a classy lesbian to wear a shirt like that.

Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, she was hit by a motorcycle coming out of the closet...I mean club in New York City.  There were no major injuries.  I always thought the group was called Dykes on Bikes and not Dykes hit by Bikes.  Also Lindsay might have finally been outed by the chief of police in L.A.  The video is hilarious.  Check it out here

We almost lost a national treasure.  Ryan Seacrest was bitten by a shark, OK, a baby shark and the shark basically just lost a tooth in his foot.  That shark should be ashamed for not ridding the world of this scum.  The shark probably wasn't really a shark but was a gerbil and in that case Ryan should call Richard Gere for tips on how to properly handle the gerbils.
 
Richard Simmons was spotted hanging around the Ed Sullivan Theater playing cops and robbers and desperately wishing that someone would frisk him and give him a strip search preferably by males.

Rachael Ray announced this week that she is now going to make a line of gourmet dog food.  HAHAHA!  A dog making dog food.  Apparently it comes in two flavors: gross and grosser.

Pete Doherty is back to his old shennanigans.  Just when I thought he might have been clean and sober, he decided to start drinking and smoking funny cigarettes on stage at his last concert in Spain.  Then he starts going around the stage screaming, "Zieg Heil!"  You realize he is Jewish, don't you?  Oh I hope he pulls that stunt in Germany because doing the Hitler salute will get you prison time.

Where are they now?  Well this is Paul Reubens.  In the late 80s he was the kng of the world and was better known as Pee Wee Herman.  Well he had a fateful day in an adult movie theater where he was caught jacking off by an undercover police officer.  The nation was outraged that a celebrity would toy with their death star.  Well he lost his job and for almost the past two decades has been limited to obscurity.  Well then in 2004 he was arrested for possession of kiddie porn.  Was the nation outraged?  NO!  What the hell is wrong with our country?  Oh, The Pee Wee Playhouse Movie hits theaters in 2009 but not in adult theaters.

Paris Hilton announced this week that she is pissed at John McCain for using her likeness in one of his campaign commercials.  Like she really would have said no if he asked to her to be in one of his "talkies" as the kids call them today.  If you haven't seen the ad check it out here.  John McCain has realized that tapping into today's youth may help him win.  Here are some slogans he has been working on.  
John McCain: On key issues, he's flip-flopped more times than Lindsay Lohan has with her sexuality.
John McCain: The only thing older than him is the dried semen on Pamela Anderson's underwear.
John McCain: He's banged Paris Hilton.  Twice.
 
This is Neredia Gallardo.  She is the ex of Cristiano Ronaldo.  He is one of the most famous soccer players in the world.  I should seriously start playing.   Oh by the way, this is a secret, she may have implants.  You know this is what I picture when I think of summer, too bad I have missed out on most of it.

Here's a little something for the ladies.  Nelly is modeling underwear for Puff Daddy's clothing line.  You know if it is called underwear, shouldn't it be under his pants?  I must be old-fashioned like John McCain.

Mini-Me is suing his former girlfriend and sex-tape costar, Ranae Shrider.  I guess that will get her out of his house.  Anyway he is suing her for $20 million.  In the lawsuit he claims that she beat him so he is suing for physical and emotional stress.  One night she came at him and picked him up and threw him out of her way.  I guess $20mil would erase the fears of the giant horse lady at him.

This is another of the Miley Cyrus hacked photos.  As you can see Miley is quite the lady and has graduated from the finest of European finishing schools.  Are those skidmarks?

In other Miley Cyrus news, this week Miley Cyrus was offered a endorsement deal with Lifestyle Condoms.  They offered her $1 million and a lifetime supply to be their new spokesperson.  See, Lifestyles is interested in starting a teen awareness condom use campaign and who better to get kids to use condoms than the Virgin Cyrus?  Well her handlers said no.  Man, Disney needs a new market and they should get into the sexual health items.  Winnie the Lube...anyone?

This is Madonna.  If I was driving at twilight near a Civil War memorial cemetary and a nearby military base was conducting experiments against humanity and said experiments go haywire and unleash the forces of death from within the cemetary to come back with insatible hunger for human brains, well this is what it would look like.

Linda Hogan gave her son a new skateboard for his 18th birthday.  I wonder if she realized he is in jail.  I guess it would make his time in the yard more enjoyable.  I'm thinking she should have gotten him a steel chastity belt but then I thought that the skateboard may help avoid rape to the extreme.

A trendy boutique in Beverly Hills has started a buy one get one free sale of Lauren Conrad's clothing line.  Who saw that coming?  Oh yeah, everybody.  I hate The Hills.

Yes, Kim, it's an ice cream cone and thank you for keeping this pervert's fetish alive.

I think Kim Kardashian has given up on wanting to be respected.  The guy I saw wearing a beer helmet at the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC told me that Kim is inappropriate.  Kim and her sister Khloe were at the birthday party for the Big Mac.  Look out, Kim!  Khloe is going to eat that cake in one bite and she may take you out.  So you are asking why is Kim Kardashian at the 40th birthday party for the Big Mac.  Well Kim really likes the special sauce on her two all beef paties.  Ugh!  Remind me never to eat at McDonald's again.

Ok people, I have received thousands of emails askign about K-Fed's condtion after the earthquake this week.  Kevin Federline is ok and thankfully he is still able to pay $300 to play a round of golf at Trump's California golf course.  K-Fed, thank you for pulling us out of this disaster.

Guess the ass.  This girl next door has the best golf outfit ever.  Why don't they wear this outfit on the LPGA tour?  Oh yeah it may be too distracting to the lesbians.  This is Kendra Wilkinson.  Is she wearing underwear?  Oh that's a stupid question.  I don't think she has put on a pair of underwear since she has posed in playboy.  My personal motto: Semper ubi sub ubi.  That's Latin for Always where under where.

The only things missing from Katie Holmes wardrobe is a pair of Reebok Pumps and an LA Gear sweatshirt.  Seriously, who tight rolls their jeans?  I guess being brainwashed by Tom Cruise makes you do strange stuff.

Justin Timberlake has went to war with Ashton Kutcher over who brought the trucker hat fad to the masses.  The fact that he wants credit for this confirms he is the biggest twat in history.

Johnny Depp's not flipping off the paparazzi in this photo.  He's flipping off a kid in a wheelchair behind the paparazzi.  This is Johnny Depp's dirty little secret.  He hate the handicapped with a passion.  OK I made that part up about the handicapped when it is actually the homeless.  I want to flip off Johnny Depp and anyone involved in the new line of Batman movies if the rumors are correct.  Supposedly he is going to play The Riddler in the next installment and Angelina Jolie will be Catwoman and Phillip Seymour Hoffman will be the Penguin.  OK, personally I think that is all a load of shit when the new diretor has said that the Catwoman and Pengun are too campy for the new series.  If the Johnny Depp part is true I am going to snap and boycott that movie.

Jodie Sweetin is in talks for her own reality show.  They give those shows out to everyone.  Right now there are two proposed titles.  One is The Sweet Life and the other is From the Meth Pipe to the Baby Bottle.  Either way I hope she wears a bikini in the show because wow, she has come a long way since clutching Mr. Bear.

This is Jessica Origliasso.  Who is that?  She is part of the band called The Veronicas.  This photo of her was recently released.  They must be trying to regain popularity or trying to sell a new album.  Either way, she's hot.

The paparazzi caught Jessica Alba coming from the gym.  Can you imagine going to the same gym with her?  I wouldn't get anything done except getting slapped and pepper sprayed.

This is the album cover for Jessica Simpson's new cuntry album.  It really fits her: boring and underwhelming.  Do you know...where is the question mark?  Oh yeah, it's the dumb look on her face.

Jesse McCartney was photographed coming out of the bathroom at a nightclub with a mysterious white powder on his pants.  People are speculating that it is coccaine.  It can't be coccaine because that stuff is illegal.  It's probably powdered sugar because everyone knows he has a sweet tooth.

This is Jesse Godderz.  He is a contestant on the recent season of Big Brother.  He is sort of gay but his friends claim he hides it well.  The WWE couldn't be gayer than this even if they put a rest-stop bathroom in the middle of the ring.  Rest-stop bathroom?  There are too many things i have witnessed on the interstate from Rochester to La Crosse.

Jenna Jameson has been looking horrendous as of late and now she doesn't look much better.  This picture comes from her new movie Zombie Stripper.  It's not exactly a porno but she does like to show off her nipples.

Jack White and Alicia Keys are slated to sing the new theme song for the next James Bond movie, The Quantam of Solace.  Apparently the movie producers saw that Amy Winehouse was unstable so they asked Count Dracula...I mean Jack White to write a song and he went to work and one day later he penned a duet for he and Alicia Keys.  Damn!  I was totally looking forward to hearing Amy Winehouse combine a song about crack and James Bond.

Heather Matarazzo is engaged to Carolyn Murphy(not the supermodel).  Wow!  The Wiener Dog got engaged albeit to a woman.  I can't believe the Wiener Dog got engaged.  Wiener Dog?  Check out her best movie role in the film Welcome to the Dollhouse.

If any of my readers were at Comic-Con in San Diego last weekend and you shook Hayden Panettiere's hand she thinks you are gross and disgusting.  I wasn't there so she still thinks I am great and not gross.

Gordon Ramsay had an interesting week.  First, while filming in Iceland, he almost met his maker, Satan.  He was walking alongside a cliff when he fell off and into icy water below.  Then he was holding a puffin for another segment and it bit him in the nose and that required stitches.  The next time Gordon is in Iceland I think all the puffins should gang up and push him off a cliff.  Well then he was on a talk show and he started talking about this new energy drink.  He is being fined for saying how great pussy tastes(can't disagree).  Have these people ever heard how he talks on his show?  Making an innuendo out of an energy drink isn't the worst thing that has come out of his mouth.  I doubt the drink tastes like the name, probably tastes more like ass not that I know.

Courtney Love was spotted having fun at the beach this week.  Hey, now we know what happened to Baby Jane.  You should really check out a trailer on youtube and see how she looks so similar.

This is the best rumor of the week.  Dan Quayle is set to make a mockery of our democratic process and officially be declared a has been.  He is set to join the cast of Dancing with the Stars.  That is a huge deal but I think he is the wrong politician for the job.  They should have got Larry Craig because we all know he knows how to tap dance.  Topical political jokes about a guy getting arrested in a Minneapolis airport bathroom for propositing sex never die.

You shouldn't mess with Bruno, lest you want to get wet.  In a shocking move, Bruce Willis has decided to leave showbiz and enter the training for the priesthood.  Ok, he;s just pissed at some paparrazi but could you imagine him as a priest. When someone comes in for confession and they confess to murder, he'll kick down the divider and yell, "Yippy-aye-kay-aye, motherfuckers!"

Elizabeth Berkley turned 36 this week.  I figured I should include her birthday since I posted about Screech last week and posted a link to her most dramatic role to date.  This is a photo from her unsuccessful Saved by the Bell spin-off called Showgirls.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have chose a godfather for their twin messiahs.  That godfather will be Irish Jesus aka Bono.  They chose him because of all his humanitarian work.  Right now as we speak, people are forming a new religion around these few people.  Oh and if you aren't busy at 6PM Central time on Sunday, People Magazine are unveiling the pictures of the twin messiahs on their website, the photos they paid $14million for exclusive rights to have.  I forsee the entire Internet crashing.

Amy Winehouse was rushed to the hospital this week because of a bad reaction to medicine she was taking.  You know its not wise to mix crack with prescriptions.  I'm not a doctor but that's just a hunch.  OK, it wasn't anything involving crack.  Her dad came out and said that she was drugged with Ecstasy.  Yeah right, one hit wouldn't phase her.  It had to be something else that was placed in her drink.  So the police are investigating someone spiking her drink and they have one suspect in mind.  She is 5'2" and weighs about 90lbs and goes by the name Amy Winehouse.

Wow, Britney Spears actually is starting to look decent.  Thank you founder of Bacon Addicts Anonymous!

I need to apply to be on Britney Spears' staff.  Apparently she is banging the help.  She is having sex and falling in love with her bodyguard, Lee.  Didn't Whitney Houston make a movie like that?  Hollywood has no new ideas so why not remake The Bodyguard with these two.
 
Would this guy please just go away...I loved all he did for the Packers but seriously this is turning into The Hills with all his BS.  

Well that is it for 499.  I made it longer in anticipation for my 500th Post Spectacularrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  It might not be tomorrow because I have some stuff I have to take care of.  It is coming though, be forewarned.  It is 2:30AM and I need some sleep.