Well I can't roll my Rs because I was a stupid kid so I just type a lot of Rs so bare with me.  Want to know why and what me being stupid entails?  Well when I was 3 I actually thought my father was someone to look up to and I tried to be like him.  He was a smoker and he liked to fall asleep with lit cigarettes.  He didn't care where he was with a lit cigarette and how falling asleep may do damage to the house.  Sure he fell asleep in bed while smoking and sure he fell asleep watching tv while laying in front of it thus starting a couple rug and pillow fires.  One time he fell asleep and actually put his cigarette in the ashtray.  I picked it up and tried to be like my dad.  At 3 years old I didn't know a lot about smoking.  I put the lit end in my mouth and was in extreme pain.  I burnt my tongue and my lip and I still carry the scars today.  So I can't pronounce some words or roll my Rs.  In the past I did have plenty of tongue exercises and I was getting close to rolling my Rs but I broke up with my girlfriend. 
While I am on the topic of my father falling asleep, I am sure my friends who are close to me would like to know why I am hard of hearing.  Well it seems that after the cigarette incident I was still trying to be like dad.  He was eating an orange and he fell asleep while he was supposed to be watching me.  Well the orange had seeds so I started to play with them.  I thought, "Wow, these things are small and they would fit perfectly in my ears!"  Guess where they went?  If you said my anus, you are wrong.  My ears.  My mom came home while I was crying because I couldn't get them out and my dad was sleeping.  She took me to the hospital where I had to have them surgically removed.  Ah, childhood memories.

Anyway, that was just a little background to my 500th Post Spectacularrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Yes, I am quite the pervert and I thank you for coming to my site to read my ramblings.  It has been an interesting 500 posts.  It all started one summer when I decided to document my life with one of these new-fangled things called a blog.  I think my first post was all about going to Schell's Brewery and chasing peacocks and drinking excessive amounts of beer.  Then it all went downhill from there.  You have got to see the nerd side of me in all my postings about comic books.  You've heard my dislike for Minnesota Nice.  You've read my rants and raves about the current state of Christianity.  You've listened to my random and obscure tastes in music.  You've had to put up with my complaints of being single.  You've read about how ugly and disfigured I am and how I attribute that to not having any compliments as a child and how the nicest thing I was ever told as a child was, "you can do better."  You've read how I would love to get a tattoo but I can't because of allergies and then I continually make fun of horrible tattoos.  You have also started reading in the past few months about celebrities and my views.  Well I think the celebrity gossip and my slanted views have brought a few of you to the site or maybe it is the naked photos I post of said celebrities.  Anyway I have hoped there has been something for everyone on my blog.
It took me awhile to get around to writing this blog because I really didn't know what I should do.  Do I post pics of myself?  Nude? No, I wouldn't want to ruin the internet.  Do I do a special celebrity round up?  No, because that sort of takes away from my Fridays.  I have thought I would just take you on a tour of some of the things that make me, me.

This website, Pop That Zit, is a daily view for me.  I don't know what it is about popping zits and boils that makes me cringe yet feel somewhat happy.  Maybe it draws to a dream I had of having a boil on my stomach and when I went to pop it, I grabbed the core and as I pulled it out, it became a sword and with that sword I conquered the world.  Sometimes I wish dreams would come true, and if they came true when I was 12, I'd be married to Katie Couric as we speak...don't ask, she was my first celebrity crush.

Youtube is one of my favorite websites because you can sit there for hours reliving childhood memories and watching your favorite music videos (turn that bass up, this is rap at my speed).  Well this is a funny video that I came across a few years ago on a different website.  I found it on youtube and now I can laugh daily.

I also enjoy video games and my favorite games are the Grand Theft Auto series and anything sports related.  A while ago, this was when I was still living in Minnesota, I found a supposed letter a player for the Washington Redskins NFL team wrote to EA Sports and John Madden about his rating in Madden Football 2007.  Well, I have since learned that the letter was a hoax but still it is pretty funny because I have heard players have actually complained about not having a high enough rating in speed or strength.  I am now thinking of saving my money to purchase a Nintendo Wii because there is an Iron Chef video game coming out. I love that show.  If you have Fine Living Network you can check it out Mondays through Fridays at 10PM CST.  There is also Iron Chef America which can be seen on Food Network at random times.  Oh and I have been baffled by the whole guitar and timed button pushing genre of games.  I found interest in the Rock Band video game but then I realized I wouldn't have a backing band to play with me...ok that didn't come out right.  Anyway, Rock Band 2 is coming out and here is a list of the songs.  I am anxious because they are debuting a song from Guns N Roses "Chinese Democracy" so maybe it will be released this decade.

I am a Christian and you probably are scratching your head about that when you seen the abundance of nipples and landing strips and dress spillage on my blog.  Well, I've never claimed to be perfect and besides that God created our bodies and I am just displaying his craftsmanship.  Anyway, I have had a rough time over the past few years in dealing with my faith.  It was really hurt by the last school where I taught, which is a story for another day.  Well I have had my struggles and I have learned that faith and belief aren't limited to a particular building that one belongs to which I think so many Christians believe.  Also, I think many Christian churches have strayed from what Christ taught and have joined in the Republican party's practice of exclusion.  Also, I think too many churches have strayed from the preaching of the Word of God and are more worried about money and I know this from personal experience.  I was going to post a link but I really don't want to proselytize through my blog.  I respect your beliefs and won't push mine on you.  Any of my former college classmate who still read my blog might be interested in this story. 

Here is another daily read.  It's called Garfield Minus Garfield.  The website has taken Garfield and all his cronies out of the picture and solely focus on the poor human that is John Arbuckle.  It strikes close to me because a lot of times I feel like poor John.  If any ladies are interested email me.....I won't hold my breath.

I never enjoyed science while I was a student because I could never do any experiments that I thought were cool.  My students had fun because I found fun experiments.  Anyway this is one of my favorites.  It is also scary to know that Mountain Dew can react in that way.  I also enjoy weather and have mentioned in previous blogs how I am a spotter for the national weather service.  I also mentioned how the last time I went spotting or at least attempted to go spotting, I got pelted in the head with a hailstone about the size of a baseball.  Recently there was an event that some consider weather and some consider just plain science.  It was the earthquake in California.  I only bring it up because I found these two interesting articles.  First, wow, I can't imagine anything ever happening like that unless it happens around here when I might have an exploration of my colon.  Second, in midst of all the uncertainty about what was transpiring, it is good to know that the porn industry perseveres.  Oh and by the way in the upcoming weeks I have an entry about porn coming...hehehe coming...it's not another Porno Parody entry but it will be funny or at least I find it funny.

I enjoy music.  Instead of posting links to all my favorite bands, I have found some other sites you may enjoy.  First, check out those guitars.  Next is a blog where people pose with LP sleevefaces.  You have to see it because I can't explain it properly.  Here are some of the creepiest album covers ever.  I think I have posted a few of these over the years because I love music and I am a tad on the creepy side. 

If you ever wondered what I may look like, well you will just have to keep imaging unless you are an attractive woman who understands why I won't post my picture on this site and would rather send it out through email or instant messenger, well go to the Mutton Chops Hall of Fame.  I did rock the mutton chops for awhile.  Now I am clean shaven except for my lack of soul patch.

Another thing about me is that from time to time I get quite anal about the English language.  I have had problems with how my college wanted us to teach reading and spelling.  Well I was student teaching and I was teaching about World War 1 and how the leader of the allied forces was Ferdinand Foch.  Well on the test I had the kids write an essay and they had to include names of people from the chapter.  Well one young boy, a product of whole language, wrote about how Ferdinand Fuck was such a great leader and how Fuck saved the world from German imperialism.  Go Fuck!  I was in tears reading that essay.  I wish I photocopied it.  What does that story have to do with this link?  Be careful of what you type and what you post for a website. 

I enjoy game-shows.  Particularly, games shows from my youth that were geared toward kids.  You can check out some of my favorite as well as some of the hardest by going to this website.  I used to have a cable channel that was nothing but the old Nickelodeon game-shows.  Oh, curse you Nickelodeon, taking my game-show rerun channel from me to replace with a channel for teens that show nothing but repeats of teen shows one of which is That 70s Show which I don't think is that appropriate for young children.  Oh well.

I am interested in sports.  I enjoy amateur events more so than the professional sports.  I was surfing the net the other day and I found this website about the sports that didn't quite make the Olympics.  They start Friday.

I was or am a teacher depending on how you look at things.  I caught this story and was glad I didn't read it while I was teaching high school.  Otherwise I would have been paranoid about that happening to me instead of my regular paranoia of catching a student masturbating or having female students forgetting to wear undergarments and not sitting lady-like in the front row of class.

I forgot to mention, I enjoy having a drink from time to time.  I have cut back drastically in the past few months because of my health and I think I can count the number of drinks I have had since Easter.  Anyway go here here and here to view the sites I go to when I play bartender.  Also, my two favorite breweries are the August Schell Brewery in New Ulm, MN located a couple miles from my alma mater's campus and the New Glarus Brewing Company that makes so many of my favorite brews.  Oh I won't include links to other things that have influenced me over the years even though they are legal.  I just don't want you to have the same experiences that I have had.  For instance, one time I was writing a paper about Romeo and Juliet for a Drama class and I decided to drink a bottle of Robotussin.  Well a surreal experience happened when a classmate came in the computer lab and I then heard a buzzing.  He called my name and when I looked I was face to schlong.  He decided the computer lab was the best place to shave his pubic hair.  At least he was standing over a trash can.  He wanted to know if he got everything.  I can't remember if he is a pastor now.

I have tried to stay away from politics but it is so hard when Captain Cuckoo Coconuts is in charge of our country.  It's hard to believe that the war in Iraq that was supposed to be such an easy victory for us has been going on since I have started this blog.  You may want to enlarge the photo above.  It is a picture of Bush obviously but it is composed of individual photos of every soldier that has died in Iraq.

I'll keep dodging hard questions and I will fight to expose celebrity scandals and maybe if I grow some balls I will start my own rumors or get a girlfriend.

Enlarge this.  I will continue to write about sex even though I am celibate.

Enlarge this.  I will continue with my wicked sense of humor or at least the sense of humor and how I perceive it.

I will continue to write about comic books and my love and hatred of certain characters.  By the way, I love this Supergirl.

Basically I will be an attention whore.

So it has been a good 500 posts thus far for this minuscule blogger.  I hope that you have enjoyed reading my blog over the past few years.  I am thankful that you have read my ramblings and keep coming back for more.  If I have I offended you, I am sorry.  I am going to go get a bottle of champagne and toast myself.

Here's to 500 more posts!