I'm back.   Saturday morning I went down to Illinois.  It was a terrible ride.  I went with my parents and my aunt.  My dad and mom were yelling at each other about directions and speed while my aunt just kept quiet.  I listened to my mp3 player so I guess it was all good.  We had a major detour around Janesville and we thought that we would be late for the birthday party.  So my aunt, who used to live in that area took us on some back roads.  We went down the state line road.  This road was basically the border between Wisconsin and Illinois and the condition was terrible.  I guess Wisconsin and Illinois are in a pissing match over who should do the construction.  It was funny to see how on one side of the road all the cars in the driveways had Illinois licenses and then on the other side they had Wisconsin licenses.  We finally got to the park where this party was being held and I was shocked because there was this huge carnival.  At first I thought that it was for my cousin because he is spoiled rotten and his parents would do something like that but then we saw his mom and she told us that the party was late.  She also said that the carnival wasn't for her son but it was just there.  Of course they didn't reserve the park but they just assumed that they would have the whole place to themselves.  They did take over a shelter so I didn't have to sit out in the sun and get severe sunburn as a result of my medicine.  Anyway I had to hand it to them that they picked a nice spot because it was next to a lake.  Well the party sucked because the majority of the kid's friends never showed up.  They were expecting 30 people but only 14 were there.  I did hit on one of my cousin's friends....let me explain...my cousin L(to keep it semi-anonymous) married a guy named J and they have a son who just turned four.  OK, so I hit on L's friend.  I thought she was attractive and funny and smart but then she said she loved Linkin Park and was going to their concert that night in Chicago and that was an immediate turn-off.  So the party blew and then I learned that my cousin and her husband have questionable parenting skills.  Their song, who just turned 4, still uses a bottle, wears diapers, still does baby talk, and cries when his mom or dad are out of arms reach so he can't be picked up.  I don't think they have even taken him in for any check-ups.  He would be standing in front of either parent and would ask where they were even though they were standing in front of him.  That was different.  After the party we went to see my other aunt who was in a rehabilitation center after having some sort of bypass surgery.  Well that was fun for me as you know how much I love being in hospitals.  We then went to the hotel and called it a night.  I couldn't sleep because I had to share a room with my dad.  I didn't want to buy 3 rooms(one for my parents, one for me, and one for my aunt) so I shared with my dad and my mom shared with my aunt.  Well before I went to bed I watched the epic Road House on AMC.  Road House is definitely a classic for ass kicking.  Well Sunday we checked out and then went to see the sights.  The town where we stayed was where they filmed the movie Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray.  We went to the theater and the town square where the major scenes were filmed.  Then we went to the rehabilitation center.  We get there and a nurse said they had to take my aunt to the hospital because she had a bloody nose and they couldn't get it stopped.  They also said they couldn't get in touch with my cousin and her husband.  We sat in the family room and waited.  Finally about 2 hours after we said we would meet them at the center, they showed up.  They weren't too concerned because they said let's go eat.  We went to this buffet called The Golden Corral.  I think this place was somewhat like a Ponderosa on steroids.  As we were eating my cousin let her son wander around this place with hundreds of people.  Just to let you know this is in the suburbs of Chicago.  So this 4 year old wandering around and then she and her husband get up to go ask the manager something about taking food to my aunt in the hospital.  Well I motioned for their kid to come to me and he did so I told him to play a game of who can hang on to the chair the longest.  He won.  Then right as I told him he won, he says quite loudly, "I poop in my pants."  His mom says that she doesn't have his diaper bag and then he asks for a bottle and so she gave him ice cream.  She also said that potty training has been quite difficult and when my mom asked why, my cousin sad she didn't know.  We go back to visit at the rehab center and my aunt was back.  We visited for a couple hours and then we left.  Yeah and in that time, the kid sat in a dirty diaper the whole time.  I didn't write when I got home because I was tired.  Yesterday I didn't write because I fell asleep early in the evening.  I guess I should have had some motivation.

Well that is it for tonight.  I will be back tomorrow with a comic book update.  I am getting anxious for this new DeNiro and Pacino movie called Righteous Kill.  It isn't the first movie they have been in together but it is the longest they have been on the screen together.  They share 65 minutes in the movie.  In the movie Heat, they only shared about 10 and that was one scene.  In Godfather 2, they were never in the same scene.  Anyway it looks good.  Well I am off to bed.

Another week has come and went.  It was an interesting week for me and right now the time keeps dragging on and minutes seem like hours.  I am waiting for my test results.  I guess I should look at it and I try to act positive but it is hard.  Well I will skip talking about me and turn to the celebrities.  I have no clue why this is the Bronze Medal Edition.  I guess everyone is talking about all the gold medals Michael Phelps has won.  Also I saw King of the Hill the other day and one character said one of the funniest things ever. "My momma had my baby shoes bronzed so they wouldn't spoil and so some day my baby would be able to walk in metal shoes." I guess you had to hear it.  

Well this makes perfect sense.  Tommy Lee has broken up with Pam Anderson and is dating another silicone goddess.  He is dating Daisy de la Hoya from Rock of Love 3.  Let's see...she pseudo-dated Bret Michaels.  She then dated Dave Navarro and possibly CC Deville.  She has banged anyone with an 80s hair metal band.  I wonder if Kip Winger is next.  I really need to get my band going.  Oh and by reading about Tommy Lee and Daisy you now have the clap, congratulations!

Tom Cruise is about to have a major meltdown.  His studio replaced him with Angelina Jolie in an upcoming spy movie.  They turned down his pitch for Mission Impossible 4.  They keep pushing back the release of his Nazi movie Valkeryie.  Just this week his friend who was the head of the studio stepped down so he might be getting fired because she was his biggest fan.  Next thing you know, Xenu will show up on Earth to battle Tom Cruise and hopefully take him back to outer space.

Tera Patrick has been giving Angelina Jolie career advice.  Apparently those rumors about Catwoman being in the next Batman movie are closer to the truth because Tera has said that Angelina approached her with advice on how to play Catwoman.  Angelina Jolie is genius because Tera Patrick knows more about pussy than gynecologists.  Angelina has asked for help with stripper-esque moves.  Tera has also advised her how to use leather and whips and what she should expect having her faced covered.

In a recent interview, Shia Labeouf claimed he can't get laid.  Ha!  I've had that problem since the 7th grade.  6th grade on the other hand, that's a different story altogether.  I think there are two reasons why he can't get laid.  Teh first being is that he looks like a love child between Screech and Urkel.  The other being he takes women to the wrong places on dates.  He's a millionaire.  The place he should be going is to the ATM. 

Apparently this is considered business casual dress for Shauna Sand.  Just in case you wanted to know, she is taking off her panties.  Also, for your information, she possesses 4% of the world's lucite.  I saw that on Jeopardy the other day.  I am amazed that she is just taking off her panties in public but then again she is Shauna Sand.  The only time a woman takes off her panties for me is when I show her my Civil War reenactment uniforms...those get the women going.

Selma Blair is one of the stars of the new tv show coming to NBC this fall called Kath and Kim.  OK it's not new but a remake.  Critics have said this new version is not as good as the original which is what people said about The Office and the American version has lasted longer than the British version.  This picture makes me want to watch the new Kath and Kim.  I think this picture would be better and really get me to watch if she smiled.

Let's face the facts and not kid ourselves.  Scarlett Johansson can't act for shit, her singing sucks and I love Tom Waits, and she sounds like my 4th grade teacher when she speaks.  Why is she famous?  Apparently there are two reasons but I am going to RACK my brain with this mystery.

This week's first round of Guess the Ass.  It looks like we get to see what's under her umbrella.  It's Rihanna.

Here's a little more of Rihanna enjoying a vacation.  At first I thought those bikini bottoms were smiley faces.  Then I looked closer and they weren't but they still made me smile.

Another round of Guess the Ass.  This super-hot MILF was featured in last week's Guess the Ass competition.  She is also back with her kid.  That is Paz Vega.

Here's a little more of Paz.  This is a better view of her thong.  If that thing was made with less material, I may have to change this site's rating to X.  I really need to ask her where she buys those thongs because I can never find one that makes me confident and sexy.

In sad news, this week Paris Hilton broke up with her boyfriend Benji Madden.  It is rumored they broke up because he just wanted to shack up with Paris and she wanted to get married.  That is totally surprising to me.  Don't feel sad that she is single because she isn't.  She is already linked to the co-founder of Myspace.  I just wish people would stop dating her because going out with Paris Hilton is sort of like playing Russian Roullette.  Instead of using bullets and a gun, you use her vagina and all her STDs.  Nobody wins when they are with Paris.

Paris was spotted later in the week at a party at the Playboy mansion.  Now that she has broken up with Benji, her inner-whore has been released.  Welcome back and I look forward to the weeks to come.

To start my meanness toward Paris let me start with this. Oddly this is the first bike that Paris has owned that has a seat.

I talked about Olivia Munn in my last post.  I just have to save that I am now ready to die a happy man.

This is Minnie Driver.  Remember her from such movies as Good Will Hunting and....well I can only remember her from that movie.  Wow, her stomach is actually as big as her head.  She looks like she could tip over any second.  Maybe she is imitating the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Here's a little something for the ladies.  In case you have been under a rock the past week and only read my blog, this is Michael Phelps.  Tonight he tied the record for winning the most gold medals in a single Olympics.  Earlier this week, he owned the French in a relay swim.  One of the French team members said that they would crush the US.  Well we beat them and set the world record.  The only way we could have embrassed them more was if our team members dressed and competed in the event looking like mimes.

Matt Damon claims he knows how to fix America.  He says the problem with America is Americans and the fact that they have thin passports.  He says America could be a better palce if we travelled outside our country.  The fact that only 21% of Americans own passports is sort of glaring.  Well I wish Matt Damon good luck in fixing that problem.  Let me know when the price of airline tickets and baggage tickets fall and then I will use my passport to do some more travelling.  I can solve America's problem of getting to work on time by issuing every American with a job a brand new Ferraris.

Marrisa Tomei is playing a stripper in Daren Aronofsky's new movie "The Wrestler".  Let's just say that I am quite anxious to see that movie.  OK, I'll nerd myself out here and say it's because I am a fan of Aronofsky.  Watch "Pi" and "Requiem for a Dream" and you will see why.  Oh and if your local rental store doesn't carry those titles go to Walmart and buy them on a dual DVD.

Mariah Carey was on vacation this past week.  She is always concerned with giving her fans a show and after she went swimming, she showed us some nipple.  Other than that, she's still crazy and surprisingly she is still married.

Khloe Kardashian is a monster and she is coming to eat your babies.  Seriously, I look at her and then at her sister Kim and realize that something went wrong in Khloe's genetic code.  Either that or she was born or conceived under powerlines.

Katie Price aka Jordan had her breast reduction surgery this week where she went from like a 32G to a 32C.  She needed some freakishly large feature on her body so she had her lips enlargened.  Please, whore, stop with the plastic surgery.  Why is it that when I look at her I feel like I should be at a pond feeding her pieces of bread?  I've seen more realistic faces in Japanese cartoons about mythical dragons.

Katie Holmes is a walking fashion history lesson.  Last week she displayed for us the tight rolled look on jeans.  This week she is rocking the Jinco Jean look.  Remember those jeans?  Those were the ones where the pants legs were bigger around than the waist.  Luckily after a week of their popularity my high school banned them.  Oddly my high school didn't allow students to wear jeans until 1993 and it wasn't until my first year there(my sophomore year, I was special) that they had a school homecoming dance.  Anyway, Katie looks like a sad little robot.  I think those are what she calls Escape jeans.  The legs are big enough that she can hide Suri in them and then escape from the Tom Cruise compound.

This week Jessica Simpson said how that when she was in high school she was picked on because she had big boobs and she overcame this disability and became a successful popstar.  She was also called a lesbian.  Here's a note to all the high school girls who stumble across my site.  Never make fun of a blonde girl with big boobs by calling her a lesbian.  See it will backfire and that girl will become more popular because guys like big boobs and the possibility of lesbianic activity.

I'm not even going to pretend to know why Jamie Foxx is holding that boogie board.  The safest thing is to just assume that he is a fanatical racist who hates Jews and let's jsut go about our day.

Aw, how cute!  Too bad it's over.  Yes, Jennifer Anniston broke up with John Mayer or I should say he broke up with her.  The ironic thing is, she jsut finished filming a movie called "He's Just Not Into You".  On the bright side, if she eats 40 more pints of Ben and Jerry's she will get a flavor of their ice cream named in her honor.  I am thinking it will probably be called Suicidal Cinamon.  

Isaac Hayes died this week of an apparent stroke while running on his treadmill.  He was 65 and only 10 days away from his 66th birthday.  He is best known for the theme song to the movie Shaft.  He was also the voice of Chef on South Park.  He and Bernie Mac(wait for it) just wrapped up a movie called "Soul Man" with Samuel L. Jackson.  I'm thinking Sam better watch it, there may be a curse to this movie.

Hayden Panetierre's father was arrested this week for beating his wife.  As misogynistic as my site seems, it is never cool to hit a woman.  I think my misogynism stems from the ladies around here who I perceive reject me because my tires on my SUV aren't big enough and I don't have a rebel flag in my back window or any stickers of Calvin pissing on something.  Anyway, I can't imagine being beaten.  I mean you get hit and then you have to make a meal.  That is horrible.  Anyway, Hayden has made no comment.  Apparently her new super power is to be able to breathe with her head buried in the sand.

Mom!  Stop!  It's only George Clooney.  Apparently George Clooney ruins women.  One of his last girlfriends from a couple years ago claims she hasn't had sex since they broke up because when guys find out she dated Clooney they don't want to have anything to do with her.  There are guys out there who I think would be worse to follow dating a woman such as Peter North and Ron Jeremy and John Holmes.  If you don't recognize the names go to the links and look at their bio fact graphic on the right side and see which measurement is included.

George Bush was at the Olympics this week and he made history by being the first US president to attend an Olympic beach volleyball match.  Here we see him getting ready to tap that ass.  He is hoping his appearance might give him a raise in his approval rating and if it doesn't raise his approval rating he hoped it would raise something else.

ASU ASU ASU!  Oops that should be USA USA USA!  I'm thinking they should teach flag handling skills in grade school.  

I can think of worse things in life than looking at Eva Longoria and her nipple like why are my pants getting tight.  Sweet lord what is wrong with me?

Donald Trump saved Ed McMahon from foreclosure by buying McMahon's house.  Trump plans on naming his new mansion, "Rosie O'Donnell is a Fat Slob Manor".  

DMX was arrested again outside a Walmart in Florida for failure to appear in court.  This would be the 5th time he was arrested this year.  As American's we are all about giving out 6 chances, right?  So let's cut him a break.  Look at those puppy dog eyes(one arrest was for a dog fighting ring).  Those eyes just get to me.  How could you stay mad at DMX?

Diddy was asked by a magazine which Olympic sport he would be able to win the gold if he competed.  Diddy replied that the event would be who can have sex the longest.  I am thinking that would be a solo event.  He would get extra points for screaming his own name.  Diddy wins the gold medal for douchebaggery.

In order to score higher ratings on her reality show, Denise Richards is set to start dating Richie Sambora again.  What guy would go for her?  She is like riding a roller coaster.  Sometimes you feel really nauseous and other times your ears bleed.

Here's a little something for the ladies.  Danny Bonnaduce turned 49 this week and wasn't arrested.

Dane Cook complained on his Myspace blog that he doesn't like the poster for his new movie.  He claims the poster looks like Britney Spears vagina.  I think this poster could be fixed if you took Dane Cook of the poster and out of the movie.  I hate Dane Cook with a passion.  He can't tell an original joke.  All his material is stolen from Louis CK and the rest of the time he is butchering stolen jokes he is making stupid noises.  Anyway I hate that guy.  The only redeeming quality this movie has is that Pie Fucker is in it.

Brooke Hogan put this photo up on her Myspace this week.  She really misses her brother and wants to be locked up in jail so that she can be with him.  Yes, she wants to be put in an all male prison but I guess if you patted her down you would find a pair of testicles.  The Hogan family is a little weird.

Billy Bob Thornton is set to play Freddy Krueger in a remake of Nightmare on Elm Street.  I guess that makes sense since his face makes kids want to eat their own hair but I think he would be better suited to play The Crypt Keeper in a Tales from the Crypt remake.  I'm sorry but they can't have a Nightmare on Elm Street without Robert Englund as Freddy.

Adam West is possibly joining the cast of Dancing with the Stars.  He might have to put down his Werther's Originals to do some training and properly do the Bat-tusi, the dance that will win him the competition.  If he does that dance he is sure to win
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Ali Lohan is 14 years old.  Her mom just bought her breast implants.  Haven't they heard of puberty and that some girls don't develop as soon as others?  This is great parenting.  It is also a misguided attempt to boost her self-importance.  Maybe it is her mom's away of saying sorry for all the times I used your head as a coaster for my margaritas.

Lindsay Lohan and Sam are on the rocks. They are constantly bickering and people think they might be on the verge of breaking up.  Also a source has said that one of the last times they went out, Lindsay was flirting with every man in the club.  I guess penises are Lindsay's passion.  She's been covered in so much semen that if she were to die and be cremated we would have to be careful where they spread her ashes because you might get pregnant and if Keith Richards smoked her ashes like he smoked his father's ashes, he too would get pregnant...wow, two covered in semen jokes in one week, I better tone it down.

Bernie Mac died this week at the age of 50.  He died complications of pneumonia.  See it happens.  I think people doubted me when I said I was near death when I had this illness.  It happens.  He will be missed.  I really have nothing funny to say other than watch out Samuel L. Jackson.

Guess the Ass.  This ass belongs to a mediocre tennis star who married a pop singer with a small penis and she divorced him and the small penis was one of the reasons for divorce.  She is a better model than tennis player.  She is Anna Kournikova.

Amy Winehouse was voted by an online poll at travelocity as the celebrity most people have nightmares about.  My dreams about her aren't exactly nightmares.  It has been a long time but this week I had a reoccuring nightmare I had many times in college.  One of my very quiet classmates chased me around the campus while wielding an axe and for some reason we were the only people on campus.  Then he said my name and how he he had a present for me.  At that point I always wake up in a cold sweat.  It's creepy but if you knew the guy, you'd probably have that dream as well.

Britney Spears is really starting to look decent in a bikini.  Her training for the VMAs must be paying off.  Hopefully her performance won't be as horrendous as last year's.

OK Magazine asked Britney what some of her favorite things were.  She went on to talk about Cheetos and Sunkist.  Oh and you can't see her car but it is parked next to a sign that says, "Parking for Dale Jr. Fans Only".  You actually thought she would talk about her kids?  Yeah right, this is Britney Spears.  I look at this photo more and more and it reminds me of a velvet picture of the Last Supper I sold once upon a time in Wisconsin Dells.

Well I am off to Chicagoland tomorrow morning so don't expect any posts until at least Monday, maybe Sunday if I'm not tired.  Have a good weekend.

I love the G4 Network.  It really caters to nerds like me.  Also, one of the hottest women in TV is a co-host of the network flagship called Attack of the Show.  I have written so much about Olivia Munn on this site.  She is so attractive and if you read my previous post you would realize that the first thing I notice about her, is her eyes.  I love her eyes among other things.  Well on a recent episode of Attack of the Show, Olivia for some reason started to rearrange her cleavage and photos were taken.  Then her co-host Dipshit McGee became the most envied man in America.  Just look at the pictures.

Yeah I am a pervert, but how can you not find her attractive.  I know 100% completely heterosexual girls that drool over her.  Well I will try to find some more Olivia Munn goodness for my celebrity round up.

Sorry I didn't write yesterday.  I was somewhat burnt out and I also got an mp3 player so I was messing around with that all night.  I got a little Philips 2gb player.  I didn't get any accessories but maybe that is what this weekend it for and besides that the Walmart (i am a hypocrite) didn't have any reasonably priced accessories.  So my dad said he had to go to Walmart to look for a birthday present for my cousin for this weekend.  My mom wanted him to find a fireman's helmet because that is what the kid is really into.  I think that stems from a fire at their house.  They lost their garage due to faulty wiring.  OK, my dad said let's go to the Walmart in Richland Center.  I didn't realize why he wanted to go to that specific store until we were on the road.  He started talking about how a family near that town got their home made over for the TV show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.  We didn't get to see the house because it was off the highway and he didn't want to go driving through the country roads trying to find this extremely made over house.  The family that won the honor was a woman and her children and the house has went into a sad state of disrepair due to the sudden death of her husband.  The runner-up was a woman who used to share the same office with my mom at the local hospital.  Her husband was the principal who got shot and killed at Weston High School when he tried to wrestle the gun away from a student who brought it into the school.  Anyway the probable reason why she wasn't chosen is because she is living in their house alone now that her youngest daughter just graduated from college and got married.  So if you watch that show and they are in Richland Center, think of me.
My dad and I get to Walmart and he said another reason why he chose this one was because they just remodeled it even though it was already a Super Walmart.  I walk in and look around and I thought I was in Target.  All the departments reminded me of Target with the name of the department on a sign and then a picture of the products featured in that department.  This place was looking very new and hip and stylish.  It must pander to a higher class of white-trash...like me but then it would have to be off-white-trash or maybe mostly white-trash and partly red trash....ok enough of my descriptions of my ethnicity.  I also noticed how the workers at Walmart now had uniforms.  No more Walmart vest and whatever the hell they want to wear.  I loved the old uniforms because sometimes some of the women would wear the hottest of house dresses and house coats under their Walmart vest.  They took another tip from the stylish Target which features red polos and khaki pants.  This neo-Walmart or maybe nu-Walmart featured uniforms of navy blue polos and khaki pants.  So you can see how easily I was fooled into thinking I was possibly at Target.  They didn't have a fireman's helmet but they did have plenty of hand sanitizer in the back to school supplies.  I am slowly progressing into Howard Hughes...not the money part but the germaphobe part.
I got home and palyed with my mp3 player and downloaded music all afternoon and all evening.   Now I am going to make my random Thursday entry.


Normally I say it is better to stay at home and watch the games on tv but I think this has sold me.  I know the real reason why Brett Favre went to the New York Jets.  See they have a problem at their home games with women taking their tops off.  They can't do that at cold Lambeau...hmmm Jimmy Hoffa Memorial Stadium is in New Jersey and I have heard it gets chilly there but not the -20F like last year's playoff games.  Oh well, at least Brett will have something to look at when he is riding the bench.

I don't get this.  Oh wait, maybe I do.  All men who practice Islam are attracted to the eyes.  You can tell a lot about a woman from looking at her eyes.  I know that is one of the first features I look at when I look at a woman.  Seriously, the eyes are the window to a woman's inmost being.

For those of you who are in the New Ulm White House loop, this is photographic evidence that Beta Alpha Chi's house dog, Henry, spread his seed before he got neutered.  Sorry about the inside joke.  It's still a funny photo.

Why yes it is, but I have to be up early so I can drive to Chicagoland.

This is mean but when the band performs, do they actually play or just pretend?

OUCH!  That had to hurt.  Every time I see this photo, I laugh so hard I start to cry and this time is no different.  How does nobody at the newspaper see that spelling error?  It had to be deliberate.

Only in La Crosse...I spent a few nights "studying" at the library.  Of course I was a large high school student with a fake ID.  It has been about 7 years since I have been inside there so I don't know if it has changed and they actually have the Dewey Decimal System.  They had some great shirts with that slogan.  I don't remember much of my "studying" in La Crosse seeing as I was on 3rd Street, the street with the most bars in America.  Hurray for La Crosse!

Psst...I think one of your implants may have slipped out of place.  OK, so maybe 7 months ago you waited on Kevin Federline, I'll give you that but you should have read the company memo to Hooters waitresses:"Next time make it a blowjob."

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong, can you tell me which thing is not like the others by the time I finish my song?

OH MY SWEET JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!  Why the hell would you want to do that?  Why the hell does there need to be a warning against sticking those in your dick????????  What is wrong with people?

She LOVES the snow and I really am missing winter.

Link time:
The next time you answer an ad on Craigslist and it involves a rape fantasy, just go to a hotel because you don't want this happening.

Whatever happened to just using your hand?  He should take a tip from Ernest Borgnine.

As you may know from my ramblings, I enjoy VH-1 Celeb-reality.  One of my favorite cast members is Mr. Boston.  He has a blog on VH-1 and this entry is one of the grossest and funniest things I've ever read.

Why didn't I ever think of this?

I thought this list was pretty interesting.  I will never say I am hysterical ever again.

This site is called Garfield Lost in Translation.  They take the English and translate it into Chinese and then translate the Chinese back into English and this is what they come out saying.

I think this is the best URL and website content ever.

Remember how cool LOLCats were or at least popular?  Now there is an LOLMcCain and LOLObama.

A website that lets me send fake emails anonymously to anyone I want?  Sign me up!  I have a lot of people whom I want to think that I am dead.

If I ran a restaurant that sold vomit on a plate and called it Italian cuisine, I'd want all the endorsements I could get.

Finally, this is behind the scenes footage of Bob Saget having a meltdown while filming scenes for his upcoming roast on Comedy Central.  I love how he mentions Full House.  I wish he was like this when Stephanie drove the family car through the kitchen wall.

I have a special blog coming next and then later today I will be doing a celebrity round up.

The doctor's appointment was rather interesting today.  I got to where I supposed to be a half hour early because I had paperwork to fill out.  This place was part of the University of Wisconsin clinic association however it was pretty bootleg.  The music that was being played in the lobby was the local radio station.  Now, I have nothing wrong with that because music is the last thing I am thinking about before I see the doctor.  What made me think this was something out of the redneck hospital association was that the radio was hanging by it's handle from a wall mounted coat rack.  Yeah, that really classed up the joint.  So despite being early, I didn't get in any earlier.  I noticed that in the hospital there were absolutely no clocks.  I asked my mom, who has been a nurse for 30+ years, about that and she said it is to keep people for realizing how long they have been waiting.  Well I went in and had to answer a slew of questions.  The best questions were about alcohol and marijuana.  The nurse asked if I drank and I said since Easter my drinking has been cut down drastically.  She asked how much I drank and I told her about a beer a week.  She then asked if that included hard liquor.  I said no just beer.  "No vodka?" "No, just beer?" "Whiskey?""No, just beer." "How about gin?" "No, I have only had one beer a week since Easter."  Then she went on to marijuana.  She asked if I smoke it.  I said no.  She went on to say that it was ok if I told the truth.  I said no I don't smoke it.  She then said that if I said yes I wouldn't be turned in.  I said well that isn't convincing but the answer still is no.  She sighed and said, "It's just that pot smokers exhibit some of your symptoms."  In hindsight, it probably wasn't wise to wear a Grateful Dead t-shirt to the hospital.  Well the doctor came in and he interviewed me and looked at my previous test results.  Well thankfully he ruled out two possibilities:  leukemia and rabies.  He wanted me to give more blood.  He then said he is a little concerned that I might have colon problems and the one he was most concerned with may be cancer.  Anyway he said we will go about that in a last ditch effort and the camera up the ass will be the last test I take if that is needed.  Well I went to give blood.  A couple cuties were working in the lab and I thought maybe I could play my non-existent game but once I saw the needles and other blood supplies in the lab I started sweating and turned pale.  They filled two huge vials.  Afterwards I got scolded by one of the nurses because I took the dressing off too soon.  She then had to put another dressing on and then tape it down.  My game didn't even make it into the stadium.  I looked at the vials and started feeling faint.  I got up and walked out.  As I was going down the front stairs I felt light headed and sat down.  Then after a few second I got up and walked to the car.  Then I went and got some things at Walgreen's and K-Mart.  Anyway it was an eventful day but now I have to wait until Tuesday for my results.  It will be an interesting next few days.

The fervent religious writers must not have realized that animals need air to breathe, something not found in outer space or on the moon.  I guess Jesus will provide that.  Time for a benefit of a doubt.  This comic was probably written before any attempts had been made at space travel so they are off the hook for this time.

Looks like someone didn't get an official Red Rider BB Gun carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.  If you don't know what movie that comes from you need to watch any Ted Turner owned television station on Christmas Day for 24 hours straight.

Some people might say that is one lucky fish but that is a little too kinky for me.

So who has the biggest death wish here?  Is it the bug for going after MacArthur or MacArthur for being misogynistic?  My bet will be MacArthur.  Why didn't he just fade into the sunset instead of going out to fight giant bugs?

Apparently comic covers like this led to all the conspiracy theories as to who actually possessed Hitler's corpse or if he actually survived and moved to Argentina.

Why are they performing open heart surgery on the drummer?

This cover is very exciting.  If I was a little more perverted I might actually go read it.  Just look at the priest's eyes.  Where are they looking?  Oh and look at the girl and the longing look in her eyes as she feels the nun's gentle caress.  I'm not picking on the catholic church for its sex abuse scandals.  I am just merely pointing out a crappy comic.

This would have been one of the best smurfing comics ever.  Smurf yeah!

I don't think this comic should be called Super Spy.  It should be called Super Fishing Comics.  Next month's issue features Bill trying to get the fish hook out of Bob's eye after Bob wandered into Bill's attempt at casting.  Here they are simply fighting over who gets the last beer because we all know that beer is the only thing that makes fishing enjoyable.

Shot right in the groin.  I don't care what super powers you have, that's got to hurt.

Screw the Cleveland Institute of Electronics, I want to attend a school that teaches me to harness my super powers that I can become a superhero who shills for correspondence schools that advertise in comic books.  Super shilling powers would be the best.

Sean Connery is displeased.  Do get that comment.  Check this out and know that I sat through a screening of that movie.  I am very twisted.

It might have been that funny tonight.  I'll try harder tomorrow.

Today I ended up falling asleep on my floor twice.  The first time was this afternoon.  I laid down because my stomach was hurting and for some reason laying on the floor makes me feel better.  Anyway the next thing I know is it is an hour later and my arm is covered in drool.  Then just recently I was laying on the floor to be comfy while I watched Iron Chef Japan.  I missed some parts but I saw the verdict and the special announcement.  Maybe I am just catching up with all the sleep I am not getting with my medicine. 

I got my Xanga True badge today.  All these years of struggling....ok maybe not so much of a struggle but I found it strange that being such a long time member that I didn't get it to start with but oh well you have to work for stuff although I have no clue what this does for me.  I was sort of shocked about the application.  I had to write an essay and in true teacher form I wrote an actual essay with a thesis.  I wish I would have saved it.  I have a feeling that they didn't even read it and just looked at the length and said, "What the hell, give it to him."

I was thinking of trying to get to the Renaissance Fair in Shakopee for old times sake but I realized I have no place to stay up there.  All my rowdy friends have moved out of that area or have settled down with their wives and have had kids.  I also had to pay for hotel rooms for this weekend for my family's trip to Illinois.  I guess one trip is good enough this summer although it would have been fun to be a complete nerd again at Ren Fair. 

I am going to the doctor tomorrow.  I'm scared.  Honestly, I am petrified.  The numerous symptoms I have could be some serious things.  My first regular doctor didn't realize I was sick when my dad saw her to get some refills for his medicines.  The new doctor I have been seeing is a straight shooter and some of the things he wants to rule out are pretty scary to even think that I may have...leukemia...colon cancer...rabies...a lot of heavy things on my mind so I guess I need some motivation.  Oddly, these things actually do not motivate me but they take my mind off the things that are bothering me and give me a smile.

Depending on the outcome of my doctor's visit and if I get an mp3 player, I will be back tomorrow with a comic book entry.

Well another day has passed.  I still am feeling strange.  I am a bit apprehensive about traveling this weekend.  I just have this feeling something is going to go wrong.  I hope my newly developing psychic ability is wrong or maybe it is psychosis, I get confused on that one. 
I didn't get out today because I was in pain.  I feel like I did before I went into the hospital for the second time.  I can't wait for Wednesday to come because that way maybe I get to finally find out what is wrong with me.  I am pretty scared of some of the possibilities and possible tests they might run.  My mom said she was going to take me but I think she has ulterior motives in that she wants to go shopping afterwards. 
Madden 2009 will be released by the time I finish this blog.  I wonder if anyone who reads this will be purchasing the game.  I was thinking about getting it and then I realized that I am getting on in years and need to find something more constructive than video games.  God, I am growing up.  It's really sad.  Well to keep me from totally growing up I now present ex-porno pics.  These are still shots from porn movies redone with some artwork to look somewhat presentable.

I hope you laughed.  I did and I cried and I was strangely aroused.  I have one more porn post but that will be next week sometime.  I am working on finding more of the spoof titles.  I have found some good ones thus far.  Well I have to get up early tomorrow because I have a meeting and then I am going to do some mp3 player pricing.

Is anyone else watching the Olympics?  I didn't think so.  I have it on for background noise but I am not really watching.  I know that China is going to dominate the medal count.  It was interesting watching the opening ceremonies, I think I made mention of it earlier.  The more I think about it, the more amazed I am.  We are witnessing the ascent of a super power.  The opening show cased the Chinese ingenuity and the mentality that when all people work together they can achieve anything.  That spells trouble for the future of many Western nations.  I am also concerned with Russia and the new war they are waging in Georgia. 
So back to the Olympics, I didn't even watch the Redeem Team play this morning.  Yeah, I am not thrilled with that name either.  Redeem Team.  they are trying to redeem our name as the superior nation in basketball yet they are encouraging other names to play basketball.  Sort of convoluted. 
I never knew this until a few days ago but the Greeks, who started the Olympics, used the Olympiad as a measurement of time.  There were other games held in the Greek city states however the Olympic games were the most important and popular. 
Have you seen the logo for the Beijing Olympics?

Did you ever wonder how they came up with this logo?  Well let me show you in cartoon form.

Yeah, human rights violations inspired the logo for the Beijing Olympics.  Actually it didn't but it wouldn't come as a surprise to me if it did seeing as the second most corrupt organization in the world placed the Olympics in Beijing.  Yes, the International Olympic Committee is a very corrupt organization but not as bad as the United Nations.
I was planning on post a slew of nude Olympians but I have decided against it. Maybe I am just not feeling well.  Last night I went to bed at about 3 and woke up at 6 and then fell asleep at 1:30 in the afternoon and woke up at about 5pm.  I don't know what is going on anymore.  Sometimes I don't know where I stop and the pills begin.  I see the specialist on Wednesday, which reminds me that afterwards I am going mp3 player shopping.  I figure I need to join the 21st century. The bad thing is that it won't be compatible with my car stereo or my home stereo.  Oh well.  Oh and about the nude Olympians...you can go here for the 7 hottest Olympians or you can go here to see a lot of Amanda Beard. 
I will do some more posts this week if I am up to it health wise. 

I was planning on posting this earlier but I got caught up watching the opening ceremony of the Olympics.  I should say that I actually watched it so I could get some sleep.  I haven't been sleeping again but that is another story.  I was blown away by the choreography of the ceremony but was completely bored because it was all in Mandarin and Bob Costas was running his fool mouth.  I don't know how to describe my politics in regards to the Olympics.  I do think we should have boycotted them for numerous reasons.  The United States boycotted games in the past when they were held in communist nations and China is a communist nation.  I think we wanted to appease them because soon they will be the number one super-power in the world.  I also have had feelings about how the Chinese government supports the military juntas of Myanmar and Sudan and then all the atrocities committed against Christians in China and the Buddhists of Tibet.  Hmmm, isn't America a supposed Christian nation?  Why aren't Christians outraged by this? So I guess that puts me on the right-wing commie hating side as well as the left-wing hippie side that wants a free Tibet.  Yeah, I'm a walking contradiction.  Time to get off my soap box and make fun of some celebrities.

Victoria Beckham is pregnant.  This would be her fourth child and she still doesn't know that babies naturally come out of a woman's vagina.  See she has had 3 C-sections.  The doctors say she has to have this baby naturally otherwise she could seriously damage her body.  Like she is really considering that.  I mean look at her face.  It looks like it once owed money to the mob.

Tyra Banks is crazy.  She is thinking she is Michelle Obama.  In Harper's Bazaar this week she dressed up as Mrs. Obama and posed with a Barack lookalike.  In an interview for the same magazine she refers to Barack as "we" and the campaign as "ours".  So it was Harper's Bazaar?  Bizarre is more like it. 

A poster for America's Next Top Model made its way to the Internet this week.  Rumor has it that Tyra designed this herself.  Man, she must have been having an acid flashback.  She looks like a slow clown who has done too many bong hits.  I fear that Tyra is going to kill someone over how poorly this turned out even if she did design it herself.  I was thinking that this poster had massive amounts of photoshopping done to it but it looks too crappy for photoshop.  I think it was worked on with off-brand color pencils.

Sylvester Stallone is vacationing in Spain.  He looks pretty sickening with all those veins popping out of his arm.  I am sure he is making heroin addicts everywhere jealous.

I figure with all the nipples and exposed breasts on this site and the 6 visible nipples in this post alone, I need to give the ladies a little something.  Here is Ryan Phillippe running.  What? No weighted back pack?  No ankle weights?  Matthew McConaughey thinks your a wussy.

I pick on Rumer Willis quite a bit.  She's pretty useless so I don't feel bad about it.  She was seen wearing this on the streets of New York, where is she is promoting some movie called House Bunny.  It looks like she rolled out of bed and took the sheets with her.

How the hell did Rob Schneider get a woman that hot?  I have four theories.  1 He is paying for her companionship.  2 She is really a man.  3 They are filming a movie together.  OR 4 She is with him because of the money he makes for his films.  It definitely has to be 1-3 because if you go to IMDB, it is sort of hard to find a movie that he has starred in and not had a cameo.  Oh wait, I'm sure he made a lot of money for The Benchwarmers or maybe even The Hot Chick.

Sad news, ladies.  Playgirl magazine is publishing its last issue and that last issue will be the January/February issue.  Although this really isn't celebrity gossip per se, Playgirl has allowed many male celebrities(yes that includes Kato Kaelin, did I ever mention I saw him in a softcore Cinemax movie) to shed their clothes and give their female fans a little or maybe an average or in some cases a large treat.  Women worldwide are mourning the loss of this publication.  Wait..what's that you say?  The majority of subscribers and readers of Playgirl aren't women but men? 

Wow, Pink is looking pretty haggard.  At least she is wearing some nice shoes although it doesn't look she has gotten the high heel walk down quite yet.  Hey, she got a new tattoo.  There are some Chinese characters on her left ankle.  Let me see what it says....One Order of Fried Rice.  Yeah, she isn't that smart.

Guess the ass.  This ass belongs to a model of course.  You know I like most every other male likes to see a mom wearing a bikini at the beach unless it is your mom.  I feel sorry for her baby, who one day will most definitely stumble across these photos.  Oh the ass belongs to Paz Vega.

Paris Hilton is rumored to be opening a nightclub in Las Vegas.  "Opening a club" is a code word for some group of people want to open a club so they attach a celebrity's name to the club therefore generating buzz.  If this is true, it would be the first time that Paris opened something that wasn't her mouth, legs, or anus.  Some of the possible names for her club are The Stinky Hole, Infection, or Swallow.  Do you realize how ideal Las Vegas is for the location of a Paris Hilton owned nightclub?  There are over 150,000 hotel rooms for her to wake up next to random guys in Las Vegas.

Nikki Blonsky, star of the musical remake of Hairspray and some Lifetime network movie about a fat, unpopular girl who runs for student body president, got in a fight at an airport this week with a former contest on America's Next Top Model named Bianca Golden.  Nikki and Bianca as well as some of their family members were arrested for this altrication.  It all stemmed over Nikki's family were saving seats while waiting for boarding.  Nikki's father was denied bail and must spend a minimum of 11 days in prison.  Apparently he beat Bianca's mother and she had to be airlifted to Florida where she has been treated for brain lesions, slurring on her left side, and memory loss.  Nikki may face charges that carry a two year sentence.  During the scuffle, one of Bianca's family members bit Nikki in the ankle.  Wow, Mike Tyson is looking with glee at this story.  It had everything he enjoyed in boxing: a ring-girl(Bianca), biting, and Butterbean (Nikki).

Morgan Freeman had a hell of a week this week.  First he got into a major accident while driving with a "friend of the family".  He broke his elbow and shoulder in the accident and the family friend received cuts and bruises.  A few days later his wife filed for divorce.  Apparently it had something to do with that friend of the family which is code word for mistress.  Did you know a large percentage of car accidents with males and females in the front seat involve oral sex?  I bet that is what caused his accident and that is why his wife is filing for divorce.  Maybe Morgan foresaw this divorce and he started doing extra voice work to pay for divorce attorneys.  This would explain why he is doing commercials for the Madison Mallards baseball team.

Mary Kate Olsen was asked to talk to the FBI about Heath Ledger's death.  She refused to talk unless she was granted complete immunity.  Well well well, someone's been watching Law and Order.  They wanted to question her to find out if she gave Heath oxycontin which is illegal.  She probably didn't want to talk because she might go to jail and she is too precious for jail but seeing she is so small she could just squeeze through the bars.  Guess what, she doesn't have to worry anymore because the feds just closed the case.  Well that was pointless.  I guess it gives me an opportunity to send you a link to a joke by Gilbert Gottfired from the upcoming Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget.

More Miley Cyrus photos were leaked this week.  The guy who hacked her phone is releasing a few every week.  Apparently he is keeping all the nude ones for himself and he is only going to release the photos that are safe for work.  I guess these are safe for work unless your boss gets freaked out when you look at sexually provocative photos of 15 year olds.

Mary Louise Parker is in a hot nude scene in the new season of Weeds.  This makes me wish I had Showtime instead of looking for the videos on the Internet or waiting until the DVDs come out.  Oh speaking of that, Dexter season 2 comes out this coming Tuesday, can't wait.

If Madonna were made of sugar, she'd be dead by now.  Hey, when did I pose with Madonna?  Oh yeah, that's Michael Moore.  My "I've Given Up Beard" is a little darker.

Lisa Marie Presley is expecting twins.  Everyone is having twins because with celebrities one baby isn't good enough, they have to have two.  I guess it is fitting that she is having twins seeing as Elvis was a twin.  Other celebrities who have had twins over the past few years: Angelina Jolie, JLo, Julia Roberts, Marcia Cross, Rebecca Romjin, and everyone's favorite loud-mouth former attorney with a show on Headline News, Nancy Grace.

Lindsay Lohan must be really excited for her girlfriend Sam's birthday and the special gift that Lindsay will be giving her.  Lindsay's shirt can barely hold her nipples.  If you enlarge, you can see that Lindsay looks like she has braces or maybe she has a grill.  Do grillz double as sexual aids?  I don't know because I am sort of celibate at the moment.

Sources are reporting that Lindsay and Sam are going to be married by the end of the year.  Mother Lohan is planning the wedding.  A source close to Lindsay said that she is shopping for the perfect mini-dress to wear for the ceremony.  The same person said that Samantha plans on wearing a tuxedo and a top hat.  This wedding will be AWESOME!

You that whole dead behind the eyes and between the ears really fits Kim Kardashian.  She looks like she just got done with her special ed class.  Yeah it is also for fashion because those high pants look ridiculous on her.  I guess she needs all the fabric she can wear to contain that ass.

I make fun of Kim in one post and then in the next I am in love.  She was in Mexico later this week frolicking in the surf.  Did you know her ass has to have a passport to travel outside of the United States?  It's true, how could I possibly make up something like that?
 
Lily Allen still makes me smile.  It's good to see that she has went back to her natural hair color.  Do you know what one of my all time favorite albums is called...HURRAY FOR BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is Katie Price also known as Jordan.  She is quite the model and to further her career she had massive breast implants.  She is going from a 32G to a 32C.  I really can't stand her and her reality show made me want to punch babies but I will miss her boobs because they were the true brains of the operation.

Guess the ass....crack.  Speaking of crack, this person has been rumored to dabble and she was even filmed snorting coke.  Another clue is that this person is naked more times than she is clothed.  It is Kate Moss and she is on vacation in Spain.  Hmmm all these celebrities are in Spain on vacation this week.  I think Al-Qaeda is up to something.

Justin Timberlake is rumored to be the next host of the Oscars.  Imagine sitting through 15 hours of him.  There is not enough booze in this world that could get me through that.  The producers said that after watching the ESPY awards on ESPN, they realized that Justin is naturally funny.  You know what I thought of the producers of the Oscars when I read that they thought that Justin was naturally funny?  I think they are naturally high.

Joss Stone ruined her nephew's baptism this week.  Besides showing up late for the service, people asked her to follow the church's order but she called them names and started hurling insults at people.  When her brother, whose son was being baptized, tried to get her to calm down, she head-butted her brother.  I wish my baptism was like that.  Hey, I have a possible baptism I will be attending soon, let's hope I don't bring Joss as my date or maybe if I go alone I can act just like her.

Jenna Jameson is pregnant.  Hey, Tito, it isn't necessary to tell us how big your penis is because we just figured it was that size due to all the steroids it appears you have injected into yourself over the years.  I am still confused as to how she could get pregnant.  You know her vagina played the Bat Cave in Batman Begins.  I worry that their child will come out with all sorts of dents in its head.  Not due to Tito's junk but because of all the plastic things that Jenna and her friends like to play with in her movies.  This won't be the first time that her stomach will become swollen because of semen.  It's just the first time that it has happened vaginally.

I AM RICH!!!!!!!!!!!  I put so much money on the line in Las Vegas after Jamie Lynn Spears had baby Maddie.  I bet that it would be 49 days before Maddie had her first trip to Wal-Mart.  With my winnings, I plan on buying some Wal-Mart appliances and Wal-Mart brand cheetos or whatever trailer folk like the Spears family purchase when they shop at Wal-Mart.

Hayden Panettiere had a homeless guy ask her for change this week.  She pulls out a twenty and asked him if he had change for her.  This is the girl that almost got arrested for trying to save dolphins in the the Sea of Japan.  Apparently she is more willing to help marine life than she is her fellow human beings.  I guess you'd need a hole in your head to get her attention.  Is a Kurt Cobain joke tasteless at this point?  Oh well, I'll have to move on to another crush.

Gwen Stefani is really pregnant.  I can't comprehend how she is able to stand.  It looks like she could tip over at any second.  Well pretty soon she will explode and we will have another strange celebrity child name to poke fun at.

Normally I don't find Fergie attractive.  I am actually repulsed by her and her pissing her pants when she performs but there is something about her crawling around on the stage in those leather pants that makes me happy.  Yeah, my life is pretty sad.

Clay Aiken became a father today.  Remember he got his friend pregnant through artificial insemination because Clay is...well Clay likes...Clay isn't sexual and he says sex is gross.  Anyway his child, no sex or name given, was born today, 8/8/08, at 8:08AM and weighed 6lbs, 2 oz.(6+2=8...ok that's stretching it).  In the lobby Clay was seen giving the group of male friends that constantly follow him cigars and by cigars I mean his penis.  When he was told of the baby's birth Clay was quoted as saying, "Slap my ass and call me Mary." OK, he didn't really say that but I am trying to paint an accurate picture of Clay that his followers the Claymates can't tarnish.

Guess the ass.  This person gave and her mole has been providing spank material for nearly 3 decades.  This is Cindy Crawford.

Cindy Crawford still looks great in a bikini.  I still have some of those old Playboys that she appeared in when I was only 14.  Yeah, 5 finger discount at a gas station near my high school.  She was hanging out on a yacht this week with her husband and George Clooney near Saint Tropez because that's what rich people do.  Trust me, it's no big deal, we do it all the time.

In sad news this week, Christina Applegate was diagnosed with an early form of breast cancer.  The good news is that the cancer is not life threatening.  Christina is reported to be following treatment.  She has had a rough summer.  First her boyfriend overdoses on drugs and now this.  Hopefully, Kelly Bundy will make a full recovery otherwise Buck the Dog will howl in grief.  Can I get a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAA BUNDY?

An old photo that David Lachappelle took of Christina Aguilera was released this week.  She should really go back to this look instead of her scary clown look that she does now.  I can't contain myself anymore.  HURRAY FOR BOOBIES!(yes, my life is pathetic)

Hulk must be taking photography classes because this photo of Brooke Hogan actually looks good.  Looking at Brooke, I am seeing she must have spent her money from her recent reality show on more plastic surgery.

Quick, get a piece of paper, stick a hole through it, put on your darkest sunglasses, stand ten feet away, and look through the hole.  This is what $14million buys you.  My eyes aren't worthy of the twin messiahs.  Supposedly they were conceived through invitro because Angelina has only a 1% chance of having twins like most women.  I am beginning to wonder if Jennifer Anniston went out to buy this new issue of People.

Angelina Jolie has been in contact with Chinese adoption agencies to adopt earthquake orphans.  Wow, that didn't take her long to get bored with her new twins.  She is probably running a sweat shop in the basement of her mansion and shortly we will see her new clothing line.

This photo of Britney Spears is worth $154,443.  Britney is selling exclusive photos of her in a bikini from her most recent vacation for $1million.  I want whatever pill she is on or whatever she is smoking because that is ridiculous.  I posted a pic of her last week and I didn't pay a thing.  I am now expecting to receive a bill in the mail.

Quentin Tarantino wants Britney Spears to play a lesbian stripper killer in an upcoming remake of the cult hit "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"  Her father is appalled at this rumor because he still seems to think that Britney has a squeaky clean image.  To save on money for production of the film, instead of filming new footage of Britney being a stripper they could just use her home movies.  

Well that is it for this week.  I hope you weren't offended.  I also hope that you got a few laughs out of it.  This week I am going to do an entry about the Olympics and maybe that porn one and then I will be my usual random self.  Have a good weekend.

I've been listening to a strange mix of music today.  I put on some Grateful Dead and followed it up with the ambient J Ralph and then some Type O Negative and the Weezer and then some Elvis and then Tom Waits and then some Brother Ali.  I think I am going to have to share my music once again.  Please, go to my audio blog and check it out.  I am not saying you have to listen to all the songs but you may just find something that you are interested in.

I just want to be random today.

I found this gif and was upset.  This guy has a girlfriend and I don't.  Something is wrong here.  I would never slap my girlfriend's ass and then hit her with a cream pie unless she was into that stuff.  Speaking of cream pies, I need to find the tape of my class performing Monty Python's humor lecture, but you will have to settle for the original.  This is a worthwhile view.

Oh yeah, baby, I love that binary.  100100100011101000001111 with definitely two big 00s

The moose was later arrested for statutory rape.

In the Dark Ages when 90% of the people were illiterate, the churches employed stained glass to teach bible lessons to the parishioners of the congregation that they wouldn't be able to read.  I guess this stained glass window tells a new story about the modern church.

Spiderman is a great superhero but he is pretty useless in Wyoming.

So when in Wyoming, Spiderman has found other work as your overly friendly neighborhood Spiderman.

I guess, but only if we were stranded in the Andes Mountains after our plane crashed.

Sorry, bro, you can't come here with your hacky sack and your popped collar polo shirt.  Go back to the frat house, bro!

This is proof that somewhere in this wide world, there is a librarian that would be my soulmate.  I actually tried to do this with book displays in my school's library.

Something fishy is going on here....oh that's sick.

One of these things is not like the other, one of these just doesn't belong.  Can you tell which one is not like the others by the time I finish this song?

This test is socially awesome and this kid is going places.  I see a bright future in politics.

Here's some linkage.
Have you ever wondered what your name could be as an anagram?  Well go to this site and type in your name and see what you get.  I guess it could be used for other words as well but I had fun typing in names.  One anagram for my name is Warm Sweet Truth.  How sweet is that!

This list is the 50 sexiest music videos of all time.  There are some very hot videos on that list although some in the top 5 are questionable in my mind.  Oh and a bonus, they have some of the actual videos in the list.

This is a list of the 5 greatest things accomplished while on drugs.  I could have made the list much simpler.  1.  gt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles   2.  4 or Runes by Led Zeppelin   3.  American Beauty by Grateful Dead  4. The White Album by The Beatles  5.  Darkside of the Moon by Pink Floyd combined with Wizard of Oz...you would have to be high to think of that and the strange thing is that it works and I used to do it most every weekend in the winters of college because we were snowed in.

Click on this link if you want to see some of the best acting in TV history.

All I know is that you have to watch quite a bit of CSPAN to actually hear one of these pranks.  Kudos to whoever spent all that time recording the shows for the pranks.

This site should really come in handy.  "I don't mean to sound like a queer or nothing but, I think unicorns totally kick ass."  I wonder if anyone can tell me the name of the movie that came from.

Finally this is the greatest website I have found in quite some time.  It is simply a text to speech demo from AT&T but it has given me countless moments of entertainment thus far.

Well I am off to get some reading in.  I will be back tomorrow with a celebrity round up.  I am worried there won't be one next week because I am heading for the flat lands.  I will let you know for sure.  Have a good night!