Friday nights in fall were made for football.  I was going to go out to see a game or two this evening but two issues kept me from going.  First, my health.  I spent the better part of Friday morning throwing up.  Nothing quite like the taste of stomach bile.  It was so disgusting.  At least this time it didn't burn so I have that going for me.  It was this bright yellow color that was reminiscent of a couch syrup called Triaminic.  Also my foot is still killing me.  I can walk around on it but the pain is there and I don't think standing around on uneven ground would be the best thing for it.  I struggled to get my shoe on that foot.  If you ever saw the movie Dances with Wolves and remember the opening scene where Kevin Costner's character has a leg wound and has to bite down on a stick to help get the boot on, well that is close to what I was going through.  I still haven't taken that shoe off.  Issue two was the weather.  It is cool out and rainy.  I know it is good weather to play football or coach football but to just stand around it sucks.  So instead of doing all that, I went to Walgreen's to pick up some supplements.  Then I came home and watched some Jerry Springer and got ready for the round up.

That is Tyson Beckford on the right.  Normally I don't usually comment on guys' bodies but he does have a well-defined physique.  That being said, what the hell is up with his petting zoo?

People have been cruel to Tila Tequila's new girlfriend Courtenay Semel.  I think I have been one of those said people.  You can say she is ugly all you want but you have to realize that at the end of the night she is dipping into that leprechaun's pot of gold.  I don't know why I am mentioning this here but maybe I just want to make sure people are reading.  The one of the first two electrical appliances for the home was an electric vibrator.  The other was an electric fan.  One of the first movies was of a couple kissing and that was followed be a sequel of them having sex.  Anyway the electrical vibrator...I guess as far as inventions go, we always think about what's betweeen our legs first and foremost.

This first of this week's sex tape news.  Soulja Boy has a sex tape.  Yeah, I really didn't know who he was either until I heard his kitschy song all over the airwaves and then saw the NFL players doing his dance last year.  I was going to view the sex tape until I read further and said that Soulja Boy is gay.  A still shot from the video pretty much proves it is him because of the identical tattoos.  I guess it brings new meaning to the title of his hit song, "Crank That".

Does Selma Blair ever smile?  She looks permanently pissed off.  She's got wealth, fame, and good looks but that pale skin may be a turn off.  Either way, if she smiled, I would be in love.

USA!  USA!  USA!  I think the south has found their perfect candidate in Sarah Palin.  Please, can we get Michelle Obama in a bikini?

In other Sarah Palin news, a photo surfaced that is supposedly of her from her beauty queen days in the nude.  I was thinking it had to be her because who else but a beauty queen would wear a sash even when posing for nude shots.  Then I realized that is just a sheet.  Either way this should make for an interesting campaign.

It appears as if Ryan Seacrest has come to terms with his feelings for Randy Jackson.  I do find it strange that Ryan has a taco in his mouth...moving on.

Just when I was thinking I was going through Olivia Munn withdrawal, she posts this photo on her blog.  Thank you, Olivia!  The only downside is that belt.  Is that some new fashion that I am unaware of?  Anyway I took a close look at her bikini and there is a strategically placed strawberry on the top.  Too bad I hate strawberries because....NEXT!

Miley Cyrus received her birthday present today.  She got a new car, a $75,000 Mercedes.  That is a great birthday present, too bad she can't drive yet.  People think that Billy Ray bought her the car but it is apparent that she did because if Billy bought it there would be a gun rack in the back.  You know, her parents should have bought her something practical and useful.   Something like Invisalign.

Recent rumors are stating that Michael Jackson has a new girlfriend.  Yeah that was shocking to me as well.  Who is the girlfriend?  None other than Pam Anderson.  WTF!  She truly is running out of people to date in Hollywood.  Next thing you know she will be dating Mickey Rooney.  I think Pam and Michael should get married and have kids.  I wonder if it is legal to give a newborn implants and chin reduction surgery.  I suppose they could just go to Mexico if they wanted their children to have that surgery.  Fistfuls of cash can get you anything you want in Mexico.  Where do you think I got my steel implant?

Michael Phelps was spotted in the Playboy Club in Las Vegas displaying his backstroke.  The funny thing is that the chick's ass turned to gold after he was finished stroking.  See, this is what 8 gold medals are going to do for that guy.

Lindsay Lohan turned down $700,000 to pose nude for Playboy.  I'm not upset because it's not like I haven't seen her naked before.  They even tried to lure her by saying they wanted her to pose in a montage tribute to Ann Margaret and they would have Lindsay dress like Ann did in "Kitten with a Whip", which happens to be Lindsay's favorite movie.  I do think that Lindsay is stupid because, come on, wouldn't a nude spread in Playboy be the perfect wedding gift for her future husband.  Or is it wife?  I don't know how those things work.

Kevin Spacey, in the paper boy hat, has been dodging gay rumors and in this photo from earlier in the week shows how hard is working to stay away from said rumors.  He was at a nightclub in Croatia and decided to pull down a guy's pants and spank him.  Remind me never to go near a club where Kevin Spacey may be.

Katherine Heigel adopted a new dog this week.  The look on the dog's face says it all.  That pit bull is digging his claws into the floor to resist the temptation to bite her in the annoying ass.  Good thing he didn't because it would taste like nasty cigarettes and bullshit.

In more sex tape news...Josh Hartnett was filmed by security cameras banging some random girl in a hotel's library.  OK, from what I have read in the past about Josh Hartnett, he is a man-whore.  The only thing I can't believe about this story is that a hotel has a library.  The only reading materials I have ever found in most of the hotels I stay at are the tourist information magazines and the Gideon Bibles.  Of course the hotel was in London so it was more sophisticated.  Anyway, hotel staff approached Hartnett after he was finished and told him to go about his business elsewhere.  I sure would hate to pick up a book from that section...the pages all stuck together....

Johnny Depp reunited with his high school band called The Kids to play a benefit concert.  Johnny must have been a nerd in high school because it appears as if he just got a swirlie.

Jessica Simpson opened her stupid mouth this week and of course something stupid came out.  She claims that her nickname for Tony Romo is FBD, which stands for Future Baby's Daddy.  You know what I want to nickname Jessica and Tony?  PUF, puke up food.  When Carrie Underwood read that interview, she said that Jessica and Tony wouldn't stay together as a couple and she didn't understand why Tony would be with Jessica because she is fat.  CATFIGHT!  I know how we solve this...PUDDING WRESTLING...of course we would use non-fat pudding just in case Jessica is fat.

In the last sex tape news of the week.  This is Jeremy Jackson, who played Hobie on Baywatch.  He and his then girlfriend decided what better way to celebrate their love for each than to have a friend videotape them having sex.  His girlfriend was former porn star turned devout Christian hip hop artist Sky Lopez.  Anyway Jeremey claims that he took the tape from Sky because she is a Christian and apparently Christians don't view porn but according to my feedback that isn't true.  He also claims that he wanted to sell the tape a long time ago to support his crystal meth habit but he didn't want the born again Christian Sky Lopez to be seen having sex on tape.  WTF!  She was a porn star who according to wikipedia has been in 69 films.  That is a strange coincidence.  A porn star who doesn't want to be seen having sex...THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US!

Here we see Jennifer Anniston trying to salvage yet another failed relationship.  Actually this is a shot of her guest role on 30 Rock in which she will play a stalker.  That seems to fit her perfectly.

When Jamie Lynn Spears heard about Bristol Palin's pregnancy, Jamie decided to show her support by sending her baby clothes and accessories.  Hey, teen moms have to stick together.  The card attached to the presents said, "From one Juno to another."

Apparently this is from the new Sopranos movie.  Tony gets married to an Asian model.  Hmmm...he must have survived the pending attack in the diner but the rest of the family wasn't as lucky....ok this isn't from the Sopranos movie but James Gandolfini did get married this week.  He will forever be typecasted.

Is it me or do Holly Madison's breasts look more massive than usual in this photo?  She was spotted shopping this week in Beverly Hills.  I am sure Hugh Hefner will hear all about her shopping trip when he gets his credit card bill.

Holly was also photographed hanging from a pole giving us a perfect shot up her skirt.  Gee acting like a whore and seeing her nether bits is not that shocking.  What would truly shock people is if she were to pick up a book that didn't have the word "coloring" in the title.

I am hoping this is true.  Hayden Panettiere may be breaking up with her boyfriend who is 13 years older than her.  According to her friends, she is freaking out because he is constantly talking about getting married.  I think I freaked out a girlfriend once when I talked about marriage but that is another story.  She moved out of her parents' house maybe because she was afraid of getting hit.  Her boyfriend expected her to move in with him but instead she bought her own $2.6million house.  I think her living in an enchanted forest, singing to talking woodland creatures would be the next logical step.

Don Lafontaine passed away this week at the age of 68.  Who is Don Lafontaine?  Let this help.  He also seemed to receive fame through Frank Caliendo and this Geico commercial.  He was the voice of over 5000 movie trailers.  That's 5000 more than Gilbert Gottfried even if Gilbert is the voice of the AFLAC duck.  He will be missed. 

David Spade got her pregnant.  That is former Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace.  David Spade seems like the type of guy who would stalk a Barnes & Noble employee if she smiled at him and asked if he needed any help and would wait in the parking lot with rope and ether for when her shift is over.  Yeah, that totally is David Spade.


More news has been released about David Duchovny's trip to sex rehab.  There are numerous stories about why he is there and one says that he is addicted to porn and chatrooms.  The one source says that he would spend hours chatting and stroking off for people on his webcam.  David was also said to have had to admit to this before another patient at the center "beat" him to the punch and released it all over the internet.  Another report says that David went to rehab because of a deal he made with his wife.  See, he has been cheating on her with numerous random women and in fact to claim you were a female extra on his series Kalifornication you had to have slept with him to gain the title of extra.  Well his wife, Tea Leoni, caught him and said that he had two choices: go to rehab or get divorced.  I feel for this guy because it must be difficult to say no to all those X-Files fans who just throw themselves at him.  At least he is getting help for whatever is wrong with him.  Now he just needs to work on that whole wearing no pants in public fetish.  I just hope none of my lady readers get addicted to his pictures.

Christina Ricci was photographed at a beach this week.  That praying hands tattoo isn't classy on my grandma but Christina seems to pull it off.  I have to admit I am praying too, praying to see what is underneath that bikini.

Christina Aguilera thinks she is sexy but that hair, it looks like it has been bleached so many times that it will crumble in the wind because of how brittle it is.  Like chicken, I only enjoy legs and breasts.  Christina's on the other hand are pretty nasty looking but they are like a car accident that you just can't help but staring at.

Chad Johnson of the Cincinnati Bengals legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco.  Apparently 8 is his IQ and 5 is the size in centimeters of something I shouldn't mention because those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.  85 is also the number of times he was dropped on his head as a baby.

Wow!  Britney Spears is quite forward, isn't she?  I need to start going out with her when she goes to clubs in Las Vegas.  Actually expect some topless photos of her coming out in the upcoming weeks because she was at a Las Vegas resort that provides "European style" sunbathing. 

Britney Spears is supposedly going to be the opening act for the Video Music Awards this weekend.  Some say she is going to do a song and dance routine.  I think she will just end up coming out and tell a few stiff jokes and then go backstage and get drunk.

Lynne Spears has a tell all book coming out in which she admits that Britney started getting drunk at age 13.  She also said that Britney lost her virginity at age 14 with the star football player who was 18.  Lynne also admitted that Britney started doing drugs at 15 and that when she was 16 Britney was not allowed on a private jet because she had bags of cocaine.  Now some people are holding on to the notion that K-Fed into a raving lunatic but those are probably the same people who believe that Clay Aiken is straight.  Also Lynne is blaming the managers for letting Britney turn out like this but that is sort of like lighting your house on fire and blaming the firemen when your possessions end up wet.

Sources close to Amy Winehouse claim that she has overdosed twice in the past year.  The first time was after taking cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine, and meth.  I think if I did that cocktail I would be dead.  The other overdose was the accidental one where someone spiked her drink and it reacted to her medicine.  The sourse also claims that Amy spent 36 straight hours smoking weed.  That sort of reminds me of that old Sublime song, "Smoke 2 Joints in the Morning" but if Amy did a cover it would have to be Smoke 200 Joints.

Some girls enjoy candles, others like caviar and most enjoy chocolate.  Not Amy Winehouse.  On a rider for an upcoming concert she request 48 bottles of Jack Daniels.  Ah, she loves the simple things in life.  If they don't get her that Jack, she will be dehydrated and it also helps maintain that beautiful voice.  We shouldn't be surprised by the request seeing as Amy usually consumes 48 bottles of Jack for her breakfast.

Well that is all for this week.  I hope everyone has a good weekend.  I might be off and on this week because I know one day I have to take my dad to the eye doctor.  Anyway have a good weekend.