Saturday night/early Sunday morning, after an eventful evening, I decided to head to bed to attempt some sleep.  Lately before I hit the sack I turn on the FUSE network to let the music videos carry me off to sleep.  Well last night they played the brand new Chemical Brothers video for their song Midnight Madness.  Needless to say this video gave me nightmares.  All my dreams revolved around the character in the video and his dancing.  See what I mean.

Maybe I am just really weird but that thing creeps me out.  I still enjoy The Chemical Brothers and this next video, directed by Michel Gondry, remains one of my all time favorites.

Today was hot.  85.  It seems like just the other day I was breaking out my sweat pants and hoodies so I could keep warm.  I was also sleeping under heavy blankets and the like.  Now I have fans on all over the house.  I went out to a liquor store and bought myself a 6 pack that I made.  I picked out 6 random beers.  I had never heard of one of the breweries but I know it is somewhere in Wisconsin because it said on the bottle, "Brewed Behind the Cheddar Curtain."  This place had so many foreign beers that I had never heard of before.  I think I may have to start spending some time there or start my Christmas list.  A pawn shop was right across the highway so I went to check that out.  Interesting little store.  I should have waited to buy my mp3 player there.  Same brand, 3 times the memory as the one I got, $10 more.  They also had a few nice guitars and a mandolin.  If I had $200 extra I would have bought it today.  Then they had a nice gun selection.  Yay! Guns!  Came home, had a beer, watched some JErry Springer, fell asleep, woke up in time for the high school football highlight zone on the local news channel and now I am here.
Time for the round up.
 
Today was National Talk Like a Pirate Day.  I was going to be a dick and do this entire post in pirate vernacular but I'm not that mean.  I just decided to post this pic.

Tom Cruise greeted his wife Katie Holmes right before her final dress rehearsal for her new broadway play.  Tom is trying to be straight for the cameras and it isn't working.  He looks like he is constipated and wishes he wasn't anywhere near that vagina owner.  That couple looks as passionate as a turnip lying in a pile of crusted oatmeal. 

Tom and Katie were also greeted by members of the group Anonymous.  One day we will bring down Scientology...oops.

Being Woody Allen's muse and her big boobs have turned Scarlett Johannson into a prima donna.  Some of her demands for appearances are ridiculous.  I haven't seen the rider but I am sure it is ridiculous.  Why is 72 year old Woody Allen spending so much time with 23 year old Scarlett Johannson?  She's too old for him and not his daughter.

Rosario Dawson was at the premiere of Eagle Eye this week.  She is rather endowed but she doesn't show it off.  I guess that is a good thing.  She doesn't rely on her chest like some actresses do.  It's like she doesn't show it off and then BAM, there it is, more than you can handle.  I have seen her in several movies(Kids, He Got Game, Clerks 2, 25th Hour) and haven't noticed.  I guess that is good acting. 

When not making sex tapes or screwing any guy with a dick, Paris Hilton likes to do normal people stuff like clog their arteries with McDonald's food.  As much as she tries to act normal she still looks like a prostuitute that forgot to clean her face after her last customer.  I'm sure that McD's employee loves Paris.  I mean they never smile at me.  I ust get my bags thrown at me and a snide, "Have a good night."  Why do I ned to win the favor of McDonald's employees? 

This week Paris Hilton lost two of her 17 dogs.  They were killed by a coyote.  When they found the bodies and told Paris, she cried all night.  YEAH RIGHT!  Can tears come out of that crazy eye?  To calm her down, one of her servants said her dogs were in doggy heaven.  She shrugged, picked off some crabs that were biting on her herpe warts, filmed a sex tape, got in her car, drove to the pet store, and bought two new dogs.  I guess money can buy happiness.

Last weekend a Swedish tourist took Nicole Richie's photograph.  Nicole jumped over a velvet rope, took the camera, threw it on the ground, and smashed it.  Nicole screamed, "I'm not an animal."  Oh that sounds cute.  The tourist probably was confused and thought he was taking a photo of a marmoset.

Miley Cyrus was spotted with her new boyfriend, underwear model Justin Gaston, on the way to church.  What church allows people to show up in tank tops?  They have to be sincere about their Christian beliefs, they're wearing cross necklaces.  I don't think Billy Ray has much to worry about with Justin.  He looks like he foams at the mouth at the sight of dick.

I never noticed that Mila Kunis is a talented actress.  Look how she nailed this scene in her new movie.  Bravo, Mila, bravo!  I am actually somewhat anxious to see her kick butt in the Max Payne movie. 

You know I have to stop dreaming about Megan Fox.  She admitted in an interview this week that she was once in love with a female stripper(her word not mine).  3...2...1...(a collected) AWESOME!  I am so in love.  Thank you for restoring my faith in two hot chicks getting it on.  We have Sam and Lindsay, Ellen and Portia, Cynthia Nixon and her wife Fire Crotch...I guess times have been hard for girl on girl fantasies.  I haven't been this excited since the Natalie Portman/ Scarlett Johannson rumors.

Speaking of lesbians, Lindsay Lohan reached out to the Obama campaign via blog but they said they really didn't need her help nor did they want it given all her troubles in the past year.  I am going to suggest that Lindsay move to Canada.  I have toyed with that idea myself because there was a teacher shortage.  Free health care and designated pot smoking houses.  Yeah Lindsay would love it up there.

Guess the ass and the beautiful legs.  She has been in and out of rehab and guys seem to dump her just as fast as they date her.  Kirsten Dunst.

Kim Kardashian was spotted at the dry cleaners.  I bet the dry cleaning company charges her extra for all the extra material that is needed to hold in that ass. 

The Kardashian family proved how classy they really are this week when paparazzi caught them filming a scene for their reality series.  I guess it is hard to remember lines about how she really loves her new shoes when photographers are taking your picture.  Do you see that champagne flute in front of Khloe?  That is a glass of gravy.  Bitch loves her some gravy.

Wow, Kate Moss is actually clothed!  In an interview this week she said how her daughter loves the smell of gasoline.  So whenever Kate fills up she leaves her car doors open so her child can get a whiff of the gas.  Maybe the kid is mistaking gasoline for the scent of Kate's perfume line.

Kate Hudson got pretty shitfaced this week at a party in London.  I haven't seen a mom that drunk since I had parent/ teacher conferences.  Some people would disapprove of a mom blowing the teacher to have her child get good grades but it helped her kid get a B-.  No, that didn't happen in my classroom.  I was just trying my hand at this thing called fiction.

Josh Hartnett had Mischa Barton in his hotel room this week.  That is the same hotel I mentioned in previous round ups.  They were in his room for an hour and then they came out.  I wonder if they were caught on security cameras.  Only an hour?  After an hour I usually just warming up but he just seems like the type of guy that you would think would put more than an hour into his sessions.  I guess it is nice to be Josh Hartnett.  Banging random hot chicks and not succumbing to the pressures of having to do any work.

This is Jocelyn Wildenstein, the New York City socialite who is trying to turn herself into a cat.  A guy placed an ad on craigslist that said, "Young guy looking for sexy cougar".  He didn't expect a cougar to actually show up.  OK, that was a bit of fiction that didn't turn out so well.  It is hard to come up with anything about Jocelyn Wildenstein other than she is insane to want to turn into a cat.  Does anyone actually find her attractive besides male cats?

JLo competed in a marathon last weekend.  She completed the 18 mile bike ride, half mile swim, and 4 mile run in 2 hours and 23 minutes.  If I was there, I would have watched her like and eagle not because of the form fitting lycra outfit but because I swear she had a stunt double to do this for her.

Jessica Simpson says that Tony Romo is the world's best boyfriend, not because he's the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys but because he puts up with her goofiness.  She said that he puts up with her belching the alphabet.  She also said that he even puts up with her farting in bed under the covers.  Dutch ovens with Jessica Simpson?  I think I am going to be ill.

Jennifer Hudson is engaged to a former contest on the trainwreck I mean reality show I Love New York.  He was the player named Punk.  She's an Oscar winner and his claim to fame is making out on reality tv with a woman who goes by the name New York.  If I was a girl, that whole making out on national tv with New York, would be a deal breaker.

Good to see Meadow Soprano survived that final shoot out in The Sopranos.  Actually this is Jamie Lynn Siegler who played Meadow on The Sopranos.  Oh she was soaking up the sun.  I think she was actually one of the reasons why I loved The Sopranos except when she went through her spoiled Jersey mob girl phase. 

Hillary Swank was in the hospital this week to have a benign growth removed from her body.  No it wasn't her ex-husband Chad Lowe.  Maybe while she is in there, they could do something for her hair and give her a decent role instead of her recent crap roles.

I think Heidi Montag is really trying to show her support for John McCain by mimicking Cindy McCain's look.  How did she let Spencer appear in public dressed like that?  I think their relationship is as fraudulent as their show.  Maybe instead of Cindy McCain, Heidi is going for the Paris Hilton look.  She even has a lazy eye like Paris.  I think Heidi probably had a stroke after listening to her own music. 

Heidi Klum was at a wrap party for Project Runway and John Mayer happened to be at the same party.  He ended up giving her a lap dance.  Seal had better watch out and hope that John Mayer isn't bigger than him below the belt because as I reported months ago, Heidi claims the only reason she is with Seal is because of his large penis.  Well, I have nothing to worry about here.  NEXT!

Heather Mills(on the left) was in negotiations to be a part of Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice.  Negotiations fell apart when one of Heather's demands wasn't met.  She wanted a guarantee that she would be one of the final two contestants.  See those reality shows aren't so real afterall.

George Takei, who played Sulu on Star Trek, got married last weekend to his partner.  They have been dating 21 years.  I guess if you want to look at the same bean bag for 21 years it must be true love.  Nichelle Nichols was the bridesmaid of sheer sexiness and Walter Koenig was the best man.  After the ceremony George turned around and thanked everyone for coming and he hoped that everyone would live long and prosper...that is the truth.  So who is the next gay celebrity to get married?  A few weeks ago Ellen got married so she is off the list.  My guess is Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

They make such a cute couple.  Brad Pitt did contribute $100,000 to a group that opposes the referendum that would ban gay marriage.  If I was Brad Pitt, I would probably contribute to the referndum supporters because that would mean he wouldn't have to get married to George or Angelina.  But seriously if I was Brad Pitt, I would be doing 75 chicks at the same time right now.

In the new movie "Burn After Reading", George Clooney plays a sex obsessed agent who has a special vibrator called The Silky and a Liberator Ramp.  Sales of these products have increased dramatically.  I would love to take some of the credit because I posted this picture and reported that he was carrying the ramp around off the set way back in October of last year.  These probably aren't the safest links to look at but this is The Silky and this is the form of The Liberator that I would recommend or at least that I would buy if I was in a relationship.

Rumor has it that Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View is going to leave that show and go to FOX Noise.  Hasselbeck and FOX News is a perfect match made in hell.  Seriously FOX News sucks and Elisabeth makes me want to attack puppies with safety scissors.  If she takes that job it will be boring for her because everyone will agree with her political stances unlike The View where every episode seems to ahve a shouting match especially with that one woman that seems to think that the world is flat.  Basically, Elisabeth Hasselbeck on FOX News will be  BORING!

Celebrities are just like normal people.  They step in dog shit too.  Where is Diddy's winning assistant from that VH-1 series to wipe it off his shoes.  Actually Diddy was walking along the sidewalk when he stepped into his career.  Seriously, can you name me on hit song that guy has made that has not exploited the death of Biggie Smalls?  I didn't think so.

How the mighty have fallen.  This is Davy Jones.  He was in The Monkees, that band where I think he was the only actual musician.  He was also in a classic episode of The Brady Bunch and he also made a cameo appearance in The Brady Bunch movie, a cameo that spoofed his appearance on the original show.  Did you get that?  This guy used to have girls throw their panties at him, but now they just throw their bras at him to offer him extra support.  Oh, I shouldn't talk.

David Beckham takes his kids to school and picks them up in his Rolls Royce and he is followed by two SUVs filled with his security guards.  Ah, how cute, celebrities are just like normal people.

I'm currently working on a remake to the movie "It's a Wonderful Life."  The final scene has been slightly changed.  Instead of talking about bells ringing the little girl will say, "Teacher says everytime Courtney Love flips off a paparazzo while high on meth, an angel gets his wings."

Who wears short shorts?  Actually that should be who wears no shorts.  Chris Cooley is who.  He is a tight end with the Washington Redskins.  He caused quite a stir earlier this week when he took a photo of his game plan and posted it on his blog.  See the problem, besides posting what the team plans on doing on Sunday, was that Chris wasn't wearing any pants and he inadvertantly posted a picture of his dick online.  I guess he is giving us a "little" view of what goes on in the NFL's training rooms.  I shouldn't make little jokes either.

This is one of the first bikini photos of Brooke Hogan that doesn't make me hit the back button on the internet.  That hormone therapy must finally be working although her gay friend from her reality show isn't happy she is looking less masculine.

Ashton Kutcher has a new job.  He is an assistant football coach at a Hollywood high school.  When he showed up for the first days of practice, the players thought they were being punked.  I guess they didn't hear that Ashton has grown up and won't do that show.  Ashton played linebacker while in high school in Iowa.  He looks like he would be an anemic lineback and I know a thing or three about anemia.  His step-daughter Rumer Willis also has a major crush on him.  I don't think that is going to end well.  I can't wait for that future Jerry Springer show.  I've caught some of the new season...CLASSY!

Kevin Federline missed his son's birthday last weekend because K-Fed was partying in Las Vegas.  So much for that High Times father of the year award.  I actually think his kids are better off if he isn't around because maybe then they won't turn into posers.

"Don't call it a comeback"  LL Cool J once sang that but in Britney Spears case this is a comeback.  Her next album will be released on December 2nd of this year.  December 2 also happens to be her birthday.  The album will be called "Circus" because Britney says her life is a circus and she also loves clowns and cotton candy.  The first choice for an album name was "Trainwreck" but that has already been taken by Amy Winehouse.  Here is a leak of Britney's first single off the new album called "Womanizer".  It takes awhile to get to the song and then you ahve to put up with some radio station saying their name over and over, well that is you have to put up with it if you are a Britney Spears fan.

People close to Britney are worried that her record label is pushing her too hard to get this new album released.  They also claim she needs a lot more therapy.  What's the worst that could happen?  Oh yeah, suicide.  I did make a prediction last New Year's that a professional sports player would off himself.  Vince Young?

Amy Winehouse turned 25 last Sunday.  25?  She looks like she could be 125.  Doctors say she has the lungs of an 80 year old.  I feel bad for her.  Her friends had a party for her but Amy locked herself in her room and stared into a mirror and mumbled about how ugly she was.  I guess that is what drug abuse does to a person.

Adam West turned 80 today.  Hopefully he didn't celebrate by trying on the old tights.  Also I hope he didn't have to battle any sharks.  Lets pray that he had a great birthday doing the Batusi.

Well tomorrow I think I am going to go to Walmart because I have a strong desire for some Gedney's Pickles.  I love the Zingers.  Dill pickles with chili peppers...those are good eats.  I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Today was fun.  I finally got out on the bike this morning.  Did about 16 miles.  I went up the hills of the valley.  It was a fun ride.  I wish I could have done more this summer but I had horrible side effects if I spent extended periods of time in the sun.  Anyway I only had to go uphill once and then on the way back I went a different way home.  I followed on old set of train tracks that has been converted into a bike trail.  At the start of the summer, the trail was underwater for a few weeks so there hasn't been a lot of upkeep.  There were a few washouts that made my shock absorbers work over time.  I have been having knee and ankle pain but out there pedaling really got my knee feeling young again.  I want to get back into biking.  When I was in Minnesota I was doing 50 miles every other day but I would spread that out before and after school.  I am thinking of trying some swimming tomorrow.  Soon I will have my beautiful legs and award winning ass back in full effect.
My stalker showed up as I was resting upstairs.  I had some ice on my knee just as a precaution and really didn't feel like going down to talk to him.  He knocked at 4:15 and I thought he left but about 10 minutes later I hear another knock and then my doorbell.  Then I waited 5 minutes and he took off.  I came down stair and left my tv off and did some reading.  My mom wanted to go out for supper.  Just as she got here, he pulled up and got out.  I yelled at him, "I'm leaving, you call before you ever come to my house again."  He then peeled out and I thought that would be it.  My mom and I talked about where we were going so we came on an agreement to go to a steak house.  We get out of the car and watch the pee-wee soccer taking place on the sports field next to the restuarant and then I got chills up my spine when I heard a father yelling at his daughter to kick the ball and kick another player.  I hate fathers at sporting events that take it too seriously.  We went in and here comes the hostess from the bar portion and I look in and lo and behold, THE STALKER!  My stomach dropped.  My mom asked if I wanted to go somewhere else but I said no.  We looked over the menu and the waitress took our drink orders.  I asked what beer they had on tap and she said that they only have bottled beer.  I asked what bottled beer they carried.  She said, "You name it, we got it."  Smart-ass me replied, "Schell's?  Black Boss Porter?  Grainbelt Premium?  Burning River?  Franziskaner? Bell's?  Ofallon?  Spaten?  Warsteiner?  Holy Moses?  Madtown Nut Brown?  Hopalicious?  Hevelius?  Zywiec?  Youngs Double Chocolate Stout?  Anything by Lakefront Brewery?  Anything by Tyranena Brewery?"  The waitress said no after every single one.  She did say they had this new one with cow in the name.  "Spotted Cow?"  "Yes, that's it."  "OK, I'll have that."  I had to go get change later and I saw that they only featured Bud products, Miller products including selected Leinenkugel's, Guinness, Corona, and Heineken.  Oh well, I'm a dick when it comes to beer and I won't settle for water if I have the choice.
So I had a porterhouse steak, something like 18oz.  I only got through half of it.  I am going to pay for it later when I try to digest it.  Lately my stomach isn't processing meat fully.  Well just as we were about to leave, THE STALKER comes into the dining room.  I forgot to mention this is a place where you sort of dress up unlike most of the restuarants around here where I have been guilty of this...wearing hats while you eat.  Anyway he comes in wearing a muscle shirt and cotton shorts that didn't quite fit.  Of course he talked really loud so everyone in the dining room could hear.  I just was silent and ate some pudding and drank beer.  He got the hint and left.  My mom wants me to take him to a pawn shop tomorrow and leave him there.   Well I came home, played some video games(I'm still a nerd and a kid), and then put some cat food outside for this stray that is walking around the house and I think is attracted to my cats.  I know you aren't supposed to do that but I want to tame him so that one day I can get him to come to me and then I can take him to the vet's farm where he will have shelter for this winter. 
Time to be random.

Joe finally had sex with a real squirter.  Actually telling this blind guy he just had sex with Britney Spears is awfully cruel.

Remind me not to be anywhere near that place on the 27th.

As the great band EMF once sang, "Unbelievable."

HAHAHAHAHA 69!

Talk about Dick Bliss...I can't wait until Halloween.  I think I am going to go as a Jehovah's Witness this year.

Is it vandalism if it's true?

Milk...Milk...Lemonade

Being a really good and artisitc stock boy is sort of like being the valedictorian of a community college or your home school graduating class.

Together. Forever.

What are the odds that he is looking at porn?

They call this the Cruelty Eye Chart.  Hopefully you have seen your eye doctor.

And if you couldn't make out the last one, lets play this eye test.  What do you see here?

Hotlinks.
I didn't report this last Friday in my Celebrity Round Up and I really didn't think I should fit it in this week's so here it is, the cast of Charm School: Rock of Love.  Seriously, some of those women on that show have been on the current I Love Money which they didn't win so now they have to trot them out on Charm School.  This one was a train wreck when Mo'nique hosted, I wonder what it will be with Sharon Osbourne.  Rodeo?  Brandi C? Megan?  Haven't we seen enough of these people?  I hope Megan wears her signature bathing suits.

They sure have interesting vandalism in Nebraska.

You will need to enlarge this when it loads.  It shows how evil the internet can be.  Teaches that guy to ask questions.  I was in stitches.

If you haven't figured this out yet, I enjoy comic books.  If you didn't know that then you haven't read one of my Wednesday posts.  Anyway here is a list of 5 comic book based movies that should NOT be put onto film.

I heard of something similar to this happening at a Lutheran high school but instead of accidentally showing the class, the teacher just sat in the back of the study hall watching porn while the kids studied.  Anyway, this is creepy.  I feel bad for the kids.

Here's a news story of a sex tape involving a pastor and his wife in a coma.  This happened in my neck of the woods.  That nursing home sounds like my dorm: females could only visit your dorm room on Friday evening from 7pm-Midnight, Saturday Noon-Midnight, Sunday Noon-5pm and when she came to the room the door must remain open at all times.  Yeah and of course this didn't work.

I've known guys to fight over this issue quite often.  I stay out of arguements that I can't win.  I just haven't heard of one of these ending in death, broken feelings and a developed sense of inadequacy yes, but not death.

Any teachers out there looking for a good museum to visit?  Here's a great online museum that I would use a field trip day to visit.

I'm not going to get into what your political views are or what mine are but we all have to admit that Sarah Palin has named her kids some messed up names.  Track?  Trig?  Bristol?  Willow?  Piper?  Well this site allows you to type in your name and see what Sarah Palin would have named you.  If she named me, I would be known as Tape Boise Palin.

Have you heard about the Hadron Collider?  That science experiment that is supposedly going to be able to tell us the origins of the earth.  It is also quite scary because some scientists say that it could destory the earth.  Well here is a live feed of the Collider so that you can watch what is going on and be the one of the first to see the end of the world.

Next time you are in New York City make sure you check into the Bryant Park Hotel.  Instead of in room bars and snack trays, they offer a "menu" of adult toys.  I think it would be pretty sad to check into that place as a single person though.  Read the menu and be shocked at sticker price.  Is $295 a good price for a 24k gold vibrator?

An author wrote a book about the decline of pornography and blames it on Facebook and Myspace.  Apparently people spend too much time on social networking sites that they don't have time to go view porn.  Hmmm, that is unless they are teachers.

Anyone out there use Netflix?  Don't know what to do with the Netflix tear off flaps?  Well have you thought of using them for Origami?  Check it out here.

I enjoy limericks.  I think they are a lost art form.  Well here is the limerick data base.  Check it out.

First we had the LOLCats and then there was the motivational posters.  Prepare for the newest internet meme: GAY BABIES.

Well that is all for today.  I will be back with the Celebrity Round Up tomorow.

I have calmed down a bit.  Those steroids I am taking still get the blood boiling when I get agitated.  I wonder if it is counterproductive to my blood pressure. 
Has anyone checked out that new show on FX called Sons of Anarchy?  I didn't think a show about a biker gang would be that entertaining but then again I never thought a comedy set in a Nazi POW camp would be funny but Hogan's Heroes proved that logic wrong.  On this day back in 1965, Hogan's Heroes made its debut.  I guess Nazis are hilarious.  I don't know why but I have started watching more TV. 
My mom said that she was at the grocery store and saw my stalker.  He told her that he wants to talk to me about going to some liquor store.  He wants me to drive because the town where the store is located is too large for him to concentrate on driving.  See it has one main street but it is four lanes.  The town is about 15,000 people.  Yeah that is huge.  My mom also thought he was talking about going to a porn shop but his speech impediment wouldn't let him say pawn so it came out porn.  My mom freaked out.  Well the guy never showed up or called me so hopefully my mom acting disgusted worked. 
Time to look at some comics.

This is probably one of the most famous or maybe infamous cells from any Batman comic.

Enough with the boners.  How do you force a guy into a boner?  In my case they are pretty cooperative unless it comes to public speaking.

I DON'T want to know.

Uhhhhh what is Batman going to do about those dirty horrible needs?

It looks like Robin is going to have to ice down his gadget.

If carrying you around like that isn't gay, I don't know what is.  Maybe Batman isn't gay or straight but he's just looking for a quickie.

A mushroom stamp would have been nicer, Superman.

Anyone who choose The Sack as their superhero name hasn't fully considered all the testicle related jokes he's about to endure.

This looks exciting.  The Superhero Polio Survivor versus The Amazing Dildo Man.

At least when she's dead, Lois Lane won't have to put up with Super Dick.

Batman looks so disgusted because he knows that Superman probably called Lana Lang in order to frame Lois Lane.  Hmmm Superman has interesting taste in women or at least their initials.  Reminds me of my high school football coach.  When he was in high school before he was shipped off to Nam he was dating a woman named Rhonda.  Well he came back and dumped her to marry a woman named Jackie.  Well the funny thing with his family is that everyone's name begins with the letter J.  His brother married a woman with the letter J and they had a few daughters  and sons all whose name began with the letter J.  Coach had 3 sons and 2 daughters all with names beginning with J.  That was so creepy.  If I had children they would probably kill me for the names I give them.  Like I was considering for a boy Cornelius Oswald and the last intial would be W.  C.O.W.  Ah, Superman's superdickery is rubbing off onto me.

Well, seeing as both Jimmy Olsen and Aquaman are useless they both will survive. 

That is all for tonight.  I am thinking of getting my bike out of storage and taking a ride through the hills tomorrow.

You want to piss me off, butcher our national anthem.  I know I am not the patriot that some people are and I have spouted off about the state of affairs here in America.  One thing that has always bothered me is how people perceive our national anthem.  I hate going to professional sporting events because they always get semi-famous stars that seem to have their own agenda to sell more albums when they sing the Star Spangled Banner.  It pisses me off to hear this song mangled and butchered.  All the people who have died for someone to disrespect our anthem.  This brings me to my point.  Monday night the Dallas Cowboys played the Philadelphia Eagles.  I didn't watch the game but I was flipping through channels and landed on just as "pop sensation" Kat De Luna butchered the national anthem.  Give it a listen and notice how sarcastic the stadium announcer sounds and pay extra special attention to the crowd's reaction.

That is horrible.  Words can't even begin to describe how I felt when I heard that.  It almost makes me want to name myself succesor to Emperor Norton I so that I can condem Kat De Luna for crimes against humanity.

Kat De Luna should watch this the next time she wants to butcher the national anthem.

I have a new reason why I am not getting sleep.  Every time I went to take a nap today my cats would do their damnedest to keep me awake.  It was sort of funny because it reminded me of when I was a kid how I would keep waking my parents up if they fell asleep while watching tv. 
I got my the new switch.  It was sort of funny to learn that the one I had was probably older than I am and I am an old man or at least I feel it.  The guy is coming back on Thursday to do the outlet because today he didn't have time.  I should really learn to work with electricity because that guy is charging me $150 for the switch and outlet and today it basically took him about 5 to 10 minutes and he was complaining about how many jobs he had.  If it wasn't for that time I stuck my finger in the lightbulb socket of a lamp, maybe then I would be more willing to work with electricity.  I could always use some motivation.





I think this is a reference to the group that declared war on Scientology...if you want to hear the declaration go here.

Ah...motivated.  The Adversity one didn't help.  I don't like spiders especially not that one that bit me and almost made me have to have my leg amputated.  Curse you!  OK, if you went to view that Scientology video there were some other recommended videos on the side and one was about unfunny truths to Scientology.  You should watch that.  I don't want to have to pull out my lesson plans from when I taught about Scientology.  Hopefully I will be back with a new comic book update.

About a year and a half ago I was pissed off about the smoking ban in the state of Minnesota.  I don't smoke and I don't like going to bars that are filled with smoke but I do not agree with taking away people's freedoms.  I still think that instead of banning smoking in public places, they should just outlaw tobacco products, but that will never happen because our government has its' hands buried deep in the tobacco industry's pockets.  Well I wrote or in some ways stole a song.  I called it Minnesota Uber Alles and set it to California Uber Alles by The Dead Kennedys.  In the song I predicted that Tim Pawlenty would be vice president for John McCain.  I think he would have been had he not grown that godawful mullet. 

Anyway here's the song:

I'll be back later with another post.

The fall is coming and soon winter will be here.  Right now I am looking at my thermometer and it says 42. 
Yesterday I had a family reunion.  It was so boring.  I was one of the youngest people there.  The next youngest person was in 1st grade.  I think the person right above me in age was my mom.  It was held at a retired couple's summer home.  I got my food and sat on a couch and ate.  Then I tried to fall asleep but it was so boring.  My dad left for work and I wanted to go with him so bad just to get out of that place.  Once everyone was done eating they all came in by me and wanted photographs.  I was the designated photographer of the day.  "Let's get first cousins." "Let's get first and second cousins."  "How about aunts and nieces?"  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  After the photo session they pulled out the old photobooks to admire pictures from ages past.  The first grader said what I was thinking, "I'm bored!"  His great-grandmother replied, "No you're not.  Listen to the older people talk and maybe you'll learn something."  I learned who was in which picture.  Then the hostess started complaining about how cold it was.  Of course she is used to Arizona weather so the 65 degrees we had yesterday was chilly.  She cranked up the heat.  I am sweating now.  Then people started to leave because they wanted to get home before it got dark.  I think my mom decided to leave at 4:30.  When I walked out in the rain it felt so good to cool down.  I think there was steam coming off me.  It was family so I shouldn't complain but then I have had dentist appointments that were more exciting and more pleasurable. 
Time for some pics.

Would you take your kids here?

Pretty clever anti-smoking ad.  I remember havign a roommate in college that once said that he would break up with a girl if she smoked and he wouldn't want to kiss a tailpipe. 

I think those are the hardest nipples I have ever seen.


I think stuff like this is what deters people from using public transportation.


These are some pretty clever bags.  If I had them at the store I managed years ago I could just see tourists coming in and asking for bags and my foreign employees would have just given them away.

That's a cheap nose job. 

Yet another reason not to drink at Starbucks.

This folks is the definition of irony.

Well I have an electrician coming tomorrow because I know little about electricity and am not the type of person that wants to work with something like that.  The light switch in my bathroom doesn't turn on the light.  Yes, I checked the circuit and the bulb, neither need changing.  I sort of brushed the switch panel and it blinked and then I brushed it again and it cam on.  Then I put my hand on the wall above the switch and it went off and then I let go and it started blinking like a strobe light.  I guess it is better to have it checked out by a pro than risk having the house burn down.  I am also going to have another outlet put in my kitchen.  Hope everyone has a good day

Despite the weather, today was a fun day.  I woke up after only getting two hours of sleep.  This medicine is really messing with my system.  I have toyed with the idea of going cold turkey and seeing how I react but I worry that it would cause some major damage.  It was raining and dark pretty much the whole day.  It seems like everywhere is being affected by the hurricanes.  Watching football this morning and forenoon it seemed like every game had rainfall.  I went and got some supplies at the grocery store and the rain was coming down so slow and heavy that it reminded me of snow.  I sighed and realized summer is gone and in just a few weeks we could have snow flying.  I remember October 3rd of 1999.  I was in college and we had a blizzard and received 5 inches of snow.  I think that day is memorable for two reasons.  The first being that then governor of Minnesota, Jesse Ventura, was interviewed by Playboy magazine and he talked about how religion is an opiate of the masses and plain stupid.  The news anchors in Minnesota jumped all over it and said how Jesse said God didn't exist and the snow storm was God's answer.  The other reason I remember that day was that was when I got my eyebrow pierced. 
My mom told me that I should go with her and my dad to a birthday party in a neighboring town.  The party was for a lady who turned 80 and was my mom's neighbor when she was younger and living on her parents' farm.  So I went. There were a lot of people I recognized but couldn't remember due to all my head trauma over the years.  We ate and talked with all sorts of people.  A 85 year old pastor came up to me and asked me if I knew where I would be heading when I died.  That made for an interesting conversation.  Then they had a polka band play.  So there I was out on the dance floor doing the polka, waltz, schottish, and the Susquehanna Shuffle.  Actually that last one I made up but the way I was dancing you wouldn't really know which I was doing.  As  I was getting ready to leave, a lady came up to me and asked, "How are you doing, Teddy?"  Teddy?  My name isn't Teddy in fact it's the furthest thing from Teddy.  I said my name and she said, "Oh you look just like your grandfather."  I have no clue who this lady was and she must have really forgot what my grandfather looked like because I'm half a foot taller than he was, I weigh a few more pounds, and I don't a have a crew cut that you could set your watch to.  There is a more telling difference as well but I won't go into that now. 
I cam home and decided to watch some football.  Hey, I am a fan of the sport and I have sacrificed my knees and ankles for the sport.  I did say I was boycotting the NFL but not college.  I did fall asleep lying on my floor.  I woke up with severe pain in the small of my back and I couldn't move.  I am thinking all sorts of things are wrong here but then I reached down and felt a cat.  She decided to curl up on my back and take a nap while I took a nap. 
My night has been lackluster but now the Badgers are on ESPN2.  I don't know what to make of this game.  All week everyone has been talking about how Fresno State would beat the Badgers and now Bucky has held the lead the entire game.  Still plenty of time in the game so I'll have to see how things manage in the final quarter. 
My mom informed me that I have a family reunion tomorrow.  Hopefully it will give me a chance to do the Susquehanna Shuffle.

I have found it interesting tonight there are so many blogs about breasts and breast size and how people hate big ones and hate small ones and hate them in general.  I also found one blog where a woman talked about how showing a bra strap is slutty.  No, that is a matter of taste and nothing to do with sluttiness.  I think sluttiness has something to do with sexual activity and sexual attitude but that is just my opinion. 
I was going to through in my two cents and say what bugs me.  I have mentioned this before on my blog.  I am a professional groomsman and wedding usher.  I have been involved in both activities in numerous weddings.  I have seen numerous styles of dresses.  The ones that bother me are the ones without straps that cosntantly slide down the ladies' chest and that makes them have to pull the dress up every 5 seconds.  I don't know why this bothers me.  I think it was from the years of seeing my dad going around without wearing a belt and having to pull up his pants every few seconds and then put his hands in his pockets to hold them in place.  It is just an eyesore.  Anyway I hope I don't get much hatemail because of that.  I feel sorry for the ladies who have to go through that. 

I thought I would show you these cats I talk about so often.  I know some of you have seen the cats but here they are for you.

This is Kiki she is the mischievous cat.  She also likes to fall asleep with her mouth hanging open. She also likes to run around the house doing this strange grunting noise. 

This is Lua.  She is pretty docile except when she wants to watch certain tv shows.  This is the cat that likes to sleep on the small of my back.

They are from the same litter so I guess that makes them sisters, and like sister that I know, they fight.  Sometimes they calm down and will sleep on top of my piano or in a chair next to me while I work on the computer.

Well time to watch the Badgers, the game is getting interesting.  I don't know if I have a post tomorrow because of the reunion. Have a great day.