A lot to get to so I won't waste your time talking about me right now.  I'll save that for this weekend.  The VMAs were last weekend so I have plenty.

Tila Tequila wrote a book.  My question is, "does it come with crayons?"  I didn't even know she could read.  In the book she claims to have made it to the top which is funny seeing she hasn't been a bottom.  She also talks about hooking up in this sure bestseller.  What she didn't include are the three things you need in order to hook up with her: 1. Long fingers 2. Earplugs 3. A Haz-Mat suit

I really don't understand Tila was at the VMAs.  Have you ever heard her music?  Yep, it's very forgettable.  Her presence was probably due to her MTV show but maybe she was there to talk about voting.  I can't remember the blogger but he was right-wing and condemmed her for supporting any politician other than McCain because the blogger claimed that her grandfather pulled McCain from his downed plane.  Yeah, as much as I detest her, that is wrong.

Teri Hatcher was interviewed and she talked about the advice she has given her 10 year old daughter.  "Have great sex and chocolate.  Don't sit on public toilets.  Floss.  Life's too short to stress."  I think the excessive botox has finally went to Teri's brain.

Can you believe that Benji Madden dumped Sophie Monk for Paris Hilton.  That is like choosing Top Ramen over filet mignon but instead of eating the Top Ramen you stab yourself in the eye.  Sophie has also made my list of Really Good Biker Riders.  The list is 1. Lance Armstrong 2. Sophie Monk.

Since her affair with Balthazar Getty was made public, Sienna Miller has been desperately trying to avoid the paparazzi.  Hey, Sienna, here's an old saying for you: "If you can't stand the heat, you shouldn't have blown the married guy in the kitchen."

Let's face it people, Rihanna is an alien.  When she signals for the final invasion of earth and the mothership starts beaming down lasers of death, will you stand with the resistance and shout, "Freedom!"  I have my movies starting to run together...Independence Day+Braveheart...what a combo!

Mr. Peabody and I fired up the Way-Back Machine this week but instead of going way back, we went to the year 2018 and saw Rihanna performing.  Actually this is Janet Jackson performing.  She needs to be taken to Project Runway and have her clothing fixed unless she is starring in Mad Max: The Musical.

Pink turned 29 this week and I thought I would show her some love despite her recent transformation into a young Phyllis Diller.  Juillette Lewis has also turned Pink on to Scientology to deal with her depression stemming from the break up of her marriage and subsequent divorce.  To get over a break-up, instead of paying thousands of dollars to a pseudo-church to be cured but never cured, I suggest eating a bunch of junk food, watching massive amounts of porn, and get a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll.  He giggles when you touch his belly.  What could be better in life?  Rumor has it that Tom Cruise is really interested in getting Pink to join the Church of Scientology because he has heard rumors of her strap-on abilities.

Pete Wentz was interviewed by Playboy and he gave some interesting insight into his life.  He said that one night he and a friend were drinking vodka and taking ambien and they decided to play Russian roullete.  He even pointed the gun to his head and pulled the trigger but it clicked....thank you Captain Obvious.  Pete is a liar.  He was really drinking Kool-Aid and eating Pez instead of Ambien and the gun they used was a NERF gun.  I don't think NERF guns count but Pete seems to live life on the edge.

A friend close to Ashlee Simpson claims that the star told her that she is expecting twins.  I guess one baby is never good enough for celebrities.  Before the babies are born, I suggest we go out and stock up on all the eyeliner and flat irons we can carry otherwise they national supply will be in the hands of these two.

Did you know that the first sign of herpes infection is permanent hair loss?  Poor Benji Madden.  He dumped Sophie Monk for Paris Hilton...what was he thinking?

Minnie Driver gave birth this week to a baby boy and she named him Henry Story. She hasn't said who the father was but seeing I am a betting man, I would have to put my money on David Duchovny.

The website promoting Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer's sex tape went live this week.  They are charging $10 to view the tape.  Just from looking at the upper right corner, I'm intrigued.  They are going to make a lot of money from deviants like me.  Oh here's a link to the website.  If anyone views it, I want details.

The underwear that were used as forensic evidince in Michael Jackson's 2003 child molestation trial, are up for auction on eBay.  I predict that whoever buys his pudding stained undies will receive a visit from Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen.  Still no more word on Michael sordid affair with Pam Anderson. 

Everyone loves Lindsay Lohan's cleavage and side-boob.  Even that young boy is checking out her cleavage.  Lindsay still hates bras.

Hey, Sam, is that a Red Bull between your legs or are you just happy to be seated next to Lindsay?  Sam announced this week while DJing at a club that when she and Lindsay get married, Lindsay will take Sam's last name.  Lindsay Ronson?  That sounds sort of strange.  Guess it's a better stage name than Thomas Mapother IV.

Peek-a-boo, Lindsay, I see your most charming assets.  Lindsay wants to have a baby after she and Sam get married.  Surprisingly, Lindsay understands biology and realizes that Sam can not get her pregnant so Lindsay came up with the bright idea that she would have one of her ex-boyfriends get her pregnant.  This now marks the beginning of the end of Lindsay's lesbian phase.  I can just imagine the seen in their house as Sam walks into the bedroom and there is Lindsay in the throes of passion with one of her exs(hopefully Fez). 
Lindsay: "Don't be mad, Sam, we are only having sex to try to get pregnant."
Sam: "But, Lindsay, you can't get pregnant through your mouth."
Right before I started this post I read an article claiming that Sam and Lindsay have reached a compromise and that Sam's brother Mark would donate sperm and Lindsay would be inseminated.  That is some Jerry Springer shit.

Ali Lohan is going to be moving in with Lindsay and Sam because Ali can't stand being on her mother's reality series.  Right now Vegas has a line and they are giving 2:1 odds that Ali's liver will explode within two years after moving in with Lindsay.  Lindsay is all for the move because she wants to teach Ali what Hollywood is all about: drugs, booze, same-sex relationships and in Lindsay's case nothing to do with acting talent. 

Lil Wayne was supposed to perform at the Fashion Rocks gala event but he didn't because he refused to go through a security check-point to get into the areana and he also refused to have his bag searched.  You're automatically thinking that he probably had drugs or weapons in the bag or on his person but the real reason is that he had a pair of pants that actually were the right size in the bag.  He didn't want to be embarassed.

Kim Kardashian was ticketed this week for speeding in a school zone.  She was speeding because she was running late from her rehearsal for Dancing with the Stars and needed to get to her home for filming of her lame reality show.  Yes, I have watched that show and it is so lame.  I can't watch it for over 3 minutes because it makes me want to stab my brain with a sharpened pencil.  Apparently she was calm when the cop wrote the ticket but I know what she was thinking, "What's the big deal?  Kids have good reflexes."  Not as good as your gag reflex, Kim.

Kanye West was arrested this week for using caps lock on his recent blog.  No, he wasn't but that should be made criminal.  He was pissed that the paparazzi was following him so he grabbed on of their cameras and smashed it and proceeded to stomp on it.  They charged him with vandalism.  I am anxious to hear what he has to say about his arrest but his Mac Book went into the witness protection program.

Juliana Margulies was photographed at some show recently and this is the result.  Some people are claiming that her vagina is quite visible.  I don't know and can't really tell so I will leave it up to my readers to decide.

After that last shot I dug up this old photo of Josh Hartnett for the ladies.  He is suing the British newspaper that printed the story of him getting caught having sex on security camera.  He claims it didn't happen.  He should actually be sending that newspaper a thank-you card for keeping him relevant.

The host of the VMAs criticized some crowd members and celebrities for wearing purity rings.  Purity Rings?  When Jordin Sparks took the stage, she said that she wore one because she didn't want to be a slut.  So what I understand about Purity Rings is that they are like Green Lantern's ring and that the Purity Ring prevents you from attacking genitals. 

These are the Jonas Brothers.  I did my research because apparently they are one of the hottest bands in America at the moment.  They are the band that has songs about text messaging and living underwater.  Two of them have afros.  One has diabetes.  One of them has screwed both Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez.  I know one blogger who is really pathetic for knowing all this.

A book about John Lennon will be released soon and is causing some controversy.  In the book, it claims that one of the reasons The Beatles broke up was that John wanted to have sex with Paul and Paul wasn't down with that.  The book also claims that Lennon, while married to Yoko Ono, also had a gay lover.  He made great music but yeah he does look a little weird.  Let's face it, if he were alive today, he'd probably have his computers confiscated by the police just like Pete Townsend.  If he was gay, I'm not going to stop listening to his music.  I'm not like the crazed Christian mother who told me that I couldn't have any connection to atheists.  Little did she know, I'm a smart-ass.  I asked her if she drove an automobile and she said yes so I asked why because the first automobile manufacturer was an atheist.  Needless to say she shut up and still drives a car.

After a brief hiatus Guess the Ass is back.  This ass belongs to a cuntry music singer.  She also has a habit of predicting when her quarterback boyfriend will lead his team to victory thus ruffling the feathers of his teammates.  I think it is sad that she has to show of to get attention.  Jessica Simpson.  I am a hypocrite.

Let's play a new game.  The game is called Objects Stuffed between Jessica Simpson's Breasts.  Hopefully this is the first of many posts.  Here she is stuff a mic between her breasts and I am a dirty man so I am thinking of something else.

Jessica Alba's daughter, Honor, has inherited her mother's miserable expression.  Honor does have a reason to be grouchy.  Her name is HONOR!

Guess the Ass round 2.  A magazine declard this to be Rear of the Year 2008.  Of course it is hard to tell with the jeans.  Jennifer Ellison. 

When I first saw this photo of Jennifer Aniston getting out of a vehicle, I thought she was a cavewoman but then I realized that unlike most female celebrities getting out of cars, she was wearing underwear.  Then I got distracted by my empty can of Coke.  She is sort of boring like Latin class was for me in high school.  Jennifer must know the only phrase I remember from Latin: Semper ubi sub ubi.

Holly Madison decided to give us a little show this week.  The number if people who have NOT seen her naked is now down to four.

Hayden Panettiere got to second base with herself while standing on the red carpet at the Heroes Countdown to Season Premiere.  WOW!  She didn't even have to buy herself dinner or roses or make violent threats against her family.  I've found all three to be effective.

After a night of bowling, Gary Coleman had a fan approach him asking to pose for a picture on the fan's cellphone.  Gary got angry and got in his car and then ran the fan over.  I think the biggest surprise here is that Gary Coleman bowls.  He probably has to use bocce balls.  The reason he hit the fan is that he didn't have his booster seat in the car and he couldn't see over the steering wheel. 

Someone snuck in a camera to Daniel "Harry Potter" Radcliffe's new role in the stage play called Equus.  That is Daniel in the nude.  He is the one with the schlong.  I was going to include the other promotional poster from the UK run of that play but that pic is the most viewed item on my blog. 

Audrina Partridge from MTV's show The Hills was at the VMAs.  If you haven't seen the Hamlet-esque power struggle that is The Hills, you aren't misssing out.  The show is about whores and rehearsed drama.  I think Audrina plays the whore with Down's Syndrome.  Wait that is a horrible insult to people with Down's Syndrome.

Christina Aguilera was at the VMAs and really trashed up the joint but she was horrified when she found out it wasn't a Halloween party.  She dressed up like Linda Hogan as Cleopatra at a tranny costume party.  At least she has a nice revealing dress that would be excellent to wear for job interviews.

According to a new book, Alec Baldwin almost killed himself after the voicemail of him berating his daughter was released to the media.  He babbles on and on about politics, divorces one of the hottest women in Hollywood, calls his daughter a pig, almost kills himself....he can't do anything right.

Surprise! Surprise!  Amy Winehouse actually performed at that festival where she requested 48 bottles of Jack Daniels to be provided backstage in her dressing room.  She was only 45 minutes late for the performance but that is 45 minutes early for Amy.  After the performance, she and her crew went back to party at the hotel.  This is where they drank the 48 bottles of Jack.  They then proceeded to do $5000 worth of damage to the room.  The hotel staff asked them to leave.  Amy and her crew wandered the streets and ate breakfast at a diner where she procurred a bottle of vodka and downed for her breakfast.  Man, it must be next to impossible for Amy Winehouse to get a hotel room these days.  They will have to start booking stays in local dog kennels.  I think I would have an easier time calling a hotel and asking for a room for me and a box of live hand grenades.

This week Amy also was a guest DJ at a nightclub in Camden.  She now holds the title of Best DJ Ever at least in my mind.  She went up to the booth with one album and put it on.  She only played the one album.  It was Dark Side of the Moon.  She just played that album the entire night complete with skips.  Rumor has it that the reason it skipped was that Amy passed out.  She is wearing a nice necklace and I admire her taste in music and her ballsy-ness to play Pink Floyd at a nightclub.  I guess that is about the only positive things we can say about Amy this week.

Don't call it a comeback....oh wait, that's exactly what it is.  She won her first VMAs this week after 16 nominations so expect that comeback and a possible album released during the holiday season.  Winning awards meant being onstage more which meant less time being backstage with cheese and booze.  Britney actually looked good.  All the voices in her head must be finally getting along.

Well I will be back with posts later this weekend.  Hopefully I will be feeling better and it will rain so all this pressure on my knees and ankle disipates.  This would have been posted sooner but my favorite episode of The Boondocks was on Adult Swim.  Have a good weekend.

Today started off looking like it would be quite craptastic.  I woke up and felt horrible.  I heard kids outside across the street screaming and yelling.  Damn it, I live across the street from a bus stop.  I don't know why today was the first day I found out given that they have been in school for a couple weeks.  Anyway I guess I am either out of the house or sleeping so soundly that I hear nothing.  I think my sleeping is bad because I have my cellphone and landline phone on a stand next to my head and sometimes I sleep through all the ringing.  I got up and took my medicine and was thinking of eating breakfast but my stomach told me otherwise.  The pain was horrible.  I think I described before the time I had a dog bite me and try to rip off my finger.  The stomach pain was similar.  It felt like the dog biting and trying to tear my insides.  I laid out and read a few chapters of Catcher in the Rye and got a phone call from the jewelry store that my watch was finished.  I bought a watch on bidz.com a while back but it was to small and then I went through my illness and I could wear it but it was snug so I had some plates added.  I cleaned up and went to the store and then I decided to go somewhere else on the rainy day.  I was thinking state park but it was raining.  I went to the next best place, the casino.  I had $5 on me when I went in and I hit the roullete table and I did quite well.  I think with what I won, I have everything covered for the month.  They should let people who are exploring their psychic ablities play games of chance.  I came home and made some chop suey and then I went out for a walk.   I came home and at some Gobstoppers and read some more.  My day sounds boring but I had a lot of fun.  Now I just have to figure out how to sleep through the bus stop time frame or just wake up beforehand.  Well it is time for some random pictures and hotlinks.

Too bad the Democratic headquarters that I visited on Tuesday didn't have lip disks.

Our military is continuing to win the hearts and minds of Iraqis.  I think they are trying to tell us that we are #1.

This photo of Dick Cheney was on the actual White House website.  Look closely at his glasses...do you see the naked girl?  WTF!

U.S. Immigration is playing "What's wrong with this car" for the new recruits.

Here is a totally innocent Sega advertisement.  How could I be a teenage kid and not notice this?

This reminds me of my high school biology class.  My teacher was a total closeted douche bag.  He lived in another teacher's, whom I'll call football coach, basement.  Anyway the biology teacher decorated his rooms in the basement with photos of muscle men and other random men in bikini briefs.  The football coach's daughter was in my class and she snuck down to his room and tore some of the posters off the wall and brough them to school.  Anyway when it was time to learn about human reproduction, the class took a weird term.  The teacher had some strange fear of saying the word penis.  He just referred to them as the male parts.  Anyway someone in my class suggested that we needed to see some sperm under the microscopes but the teacher said no.  Anyway it just divulged into this back and forth and eventually he asked for a volunteer to offer a sample.  High school.  The next day we asked if he had a volunteer and he said no and there wouldn't be a need.  Then my lab partner, who definitely knew the name, asked what the name for the male part was.  The teacher said turn to page whatever and look at the diagram but she said she didn't know how to pernounce it.  Well after 30 minutes of coaxing, he had a near nervous breakdown and started shouting, PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS.  A teacher down the hall left his classroom and walked in ours and asked what was going on.  Memories are fun.

This is a scene for the forthcoming Girls Gone Wild: Fargo Edition.

Together. Forever.

Oh, the condoms are in full bloom this time of year.

I wonder what they will tell their kids when they see this yearbook photo.  I wonder if it will be as awkward as a conversation my dad had with me when I found his yearbook and read all the nicknames people had for him...Limpy...Rocky...Queenie...See I never let people write in my yearbooks so that I wouldn't have to do any explaining of course it may look like I had no friends but I have memories.  I didn't let anyone sign my college yearbooks either...yeah people signed each other's yearbooks at my college.  Some have said that play was a glorified high school.

Statue for three....YES!

Yes, but the Nintendo Wii is far superior.

HOTLINKS!
Here's a fun little game that lets you match songs to albums on which they appeared.  Make sure you have your speakers on.

This is a list of 5 movies that were ruined by last minute changes.  First Blood, the first Rambo movie didn't make the list.  I think the last minute change in that movie saved it from being a bomb and also made it into a franchise.  See at the end of the original cut of the movie Rambo kills himself.  Audiences hated the ending, guess they never read the book.  Thankfully the director changed the ending so now we had Rambo or whatever it was called.  Rambo 3 was interesting because he helped the Taliban. 

The school year is upon us and if you were anything like me when I was in school, I liked to unwind after tests with some binge drinking and drinking games.  My blog does not condone binge drinking but I do love drinking games.  Here are some rules of some of the more popular games.  If only I had this website a few St. Patty's Days ago. 

Oh, to be the king of Swaziland.

This is for fellow nerds or teachers, hopefully nerdy teachers.  I wish I had this when I taught.  The concept of time was near impossible for me to teach because it was just one of those things I got.  Unfortunately I had a student that couldn't tell time other than what was displayed on his digital watch. 

Have you ever just looked at your cupboards and thought there was absolutely nothing that you could make?  Well this is a trusty website that lets you enter in which ingredients you have and what you can make with said ingredients.

You can go to school online for a myriad of subjects.  I now present the website for the first online clown school.  Sign me up now.

Someone really hates Jon and Kate Plus 8.  I have seen snippets of the show and I haven't been amused.  I don't get the draw.  OK, a family struggling with 8 kids is interesting but then they started pimping out their kids for swag and cosmetic surgery.  My favorite line is the last line.  I wish I could have said that to so many parents at my school.

This is why I hate going to bars that advertise special secret house drinks and they don't list the ingredients.  I understand the whole thing about wanting something unique for your place but something like this can happen to people with food allergies.  I want to learn how to make a Purple Monkey from Monk's Bar and Grill and any online search has yielded nothing to date.  I hear bartenders have to sign release forms that say they will never give away the secret recipe.  Someday...someday.

This guy on craigslist has decided to list out all the women he has been with.  It is rather amusing.  I don't understand how guys can go through the ladies like that but that is just me.

This is a new blog that features some suspicious looking vans.  I remember a guy that lived in my hometown when I was a kid that had this sci-fi scene painted on the side of his van and every parent warned their children never to go near that van.  I think they were trying to have us avoid getting a contact high.

With my earlier speech about yearbooks I thought I would include this site.  You can upload one of your pictures and see what you would have looked like in different time periods.

Does anyone want to help me bid in this auction?  Too bad she isn't giving the good to the highest bidder but whomever she "connects" with...what a gyp!  You know, I'm not at all shocked this was announced on Howard Stern's show.

I am thinking this blog is based on something from Superbad.  If you think the link is bad, you should have seen how the Romans decorated the insides of their houses.

This story is what seperates America from the rest of the world.  People actually WANT to pay taxes.  Not jsut regular people, but PROSTITUTES!  I miss those three years when I was a ordained minister and was tax exempt.

Is something missing from your music?  I think I know what is wrong.  It needs more cowbell.  Go to this site, upload your song of choice, and select how much cowbell you need.  I've got a fever and the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!

Well that is it for today.  I will be back tomorrow with a Celebrity Round Up.  I didn't mention 9/11 in this post.  Yes, today is 9/11.  I do not have fond memories of that day.  It's not that I was there or suffered extereme anxiety, it's just that I slept through everything.  I woke up at 10:30 CST after a night of free drinking at the bar because a friend was tending.  A friend was wandering the hallways looking like he had seen a ghost.  I found out what happened and then learned all my classes were cancelled.  All I know is that I still get choked up when I hear the song Jesus Etc. by Wilco which was written before the attacks.  I also want to sue anyone who claims that Nostradamus of anyone predicted the attacks of 9/11 and put them up on breaking Good Samaritan Laws because they knew it was going to happen.  What really hurt me was the fact that most of those people who died didn't get a chance to say goodbye to their loved ones.  Make sure you tell those around you your feelings for them, tell your significant other that you love them, hug your kids, live your life.  Until tomorrow.

Getting old is a bitch.  That is my basic message.  My dad got out of the hospital.  He had a CT-Scan to check to make sure if he did have kidney stones but he didn't.  The doctors had him pumped full of meds so after a strange day of shopping, I picked him up and took him home.  Yes, strange.  I took a drive and decided to go have some fun to clear my mind.  When I was faced with feelings like this in the past I may have turned to liquid or chemical solutions, but after not being able to drive for a couple months, I find driving to be therapeutic.  I went to Walmart.  I rage about the evils of Walmart however there is so much mischief you can get into at the Leviathan.  The health department is right next to the doors.  I went over and picked up a couple boxes of condoms, not for my personal use because I don't practice safe sex mostly because I don't have sex and not by choice.  Anyway, I walked down the homewears aisle looking for a target.   I dropped the condoms in a loaded shopping cart of a lady who wasn't paying attention and had left the cart far away from her.  Then I continued on and there was an elderly couple both away from their cart...DROP...that was fun because I feel like I may have given them a little excitement but only just a little because I couldn't stand to have a heart attack on my hands.  After my shenanigans I was looking at digital picture frames and FM transmitors for mp3 players when lo and behold there is one of my exes.  We jsut stared at each other bothing probably think how each of us has turned to crap over the past 7 years or so.  We talked and then went to another evil place I condemmed, Mc Donald's.  This post makes me feel like a hypocrite.  Anyway it was for her little kid, so she could play in the playpen and there are no other fast food joints in that town that have playpens.  We caught up and I found out she married a teacher which was strange because while we were dating I was studying to be one.  It was just an awkward conversation.  I then stopped at the county Democrat Party headquarters and picked up some signs. I think my walls need some decoration and until I can find out what to put up there are going to be some state assembly and US Congress signs on the walls.  I did get an Obama sign.  The lady at the center said it was nice to see someone so young to be interested in politics.  If she only knew.  I then drove home and on the way got a craving for some corn on the cob.  I stopped at an Amish farm and picked up half a dozen ears.  Then went to pick my dad up.  Then I got on my bike and rode around.  Today, I felt like crap and I tried to work out my knee.  7 years of football have caught up with me.  I used to be able to squat nearly 500 pounds and then do a hip sled of 700 but now some mornings I can barely lift myself out of bed.   My house smells of Icy Hot.  Well enough about what ails me, time to look at some comics.

What?  You didn't know that Bruce Wayne had an Aunt Agatha?  Well she only was in this issue.  His secret identity must remain a secret, not even Aunt Agatha is safe.

You can tell this comic comes from the 1990s because everyone is wearing a choker.

Nokia?  A Swiss army knife won't do you any good in a gun battle.

What a waste of time!  Jimmy Olsen has not learned anything from Superman's classes on Superdickery.  Jimmy should have kept all the presents for himself because that is what Superman would do.

This is why I want X-ray vision.

This is supposed to be set in the future but everyone is wearing modern swimsuits and carrying modern weapons and there is a prehistoric creature swimming around.  They are so confused as to which time period they belong.  Oh by the way, isn't Star Trek supposed to be in outer space?

So is getting spanked the sweet treat?  One of my exes would answer that question with an affirmative.  I could never do that so she got her spankings elsewhere...sigh

Too old to be spanked?  Not according to the aforementioned ex.

Yes, Batman, you should put on rubbers because you need to be safe if you are active.

Oh sweet Jesus!  Just when you thought there wasn't anything this blatant left to post.  Oh Lord!

NOT THE DOOM BUTTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Green Arrow must have learned the powers of being clean-shaven either that or he got a little too close to the flame when grilling.  You may think that is an odd comment but it seems as if everytime I grill I lose all the hair on my arm.  I like big fires.

Never leap at a rampagin gorilla lest you receive an uppercut to the balls.

I will hopefully be back tomorrow with a random update.  I think I have a fever or maybe it is just hot in here.  My luck I am picking up something from my dad.  Every time I try to do something good, I get bit in the ass or get a fever.

I just got home from the hospital.  No, it wasn't for me.  It was my dad.  He came down with some flu-like symptoms today.  He said he threw up at least 15 times.  Then he was extremely cold and couldn't get warm despite being underneath 3 blankets.  He said that he was under the blankets in bed from about 2 until 8.  He was very dizzy and suffering from a horrible backache when I took him down to the hospital.  My mom had this flu this last Thursday.  Anyway they gave the old man some IVs and medicine for his nausea.  The doctor also thinks that because of the dehydration which was brought on by the vomiting that he m ay have kidney stones and there was a trace amount of blood in a urine test so they are keeping him overnight.  Apparently there is a bad flu bug going around in these parts.  I figured with all the illnesses I have faced in the past few months what is a little flu.  It looks like the old flu shots will be coming out pretty soon.

I forgot to do an NFL preview this year.  Here it is:
This is a football.  Thank you.  Tune in next year for my official preview.  Actually I am not much into the NFL this season.  I think the Brett Favre soap opera really ruined my love of the game.  I admit I watched probably all of 5 minutes on Sunday.  I did get to see Favre throw a TD but that was about it.  Tonight I watched maybe 30 minutes of the Packers even though I am a supposed fan.  Rodgers looked good at times and then at other times he looked like a deer in the head lights and I know that look quite well seeing I have had 4 car accidents involving deer.  So who care about the NFL, I HAVE THE BADGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ok, enough of me oozing football bravado. 

I found these employment ads.  I am thinking I should apply because I have always wanted to be a henchman.

Well that is how I like my ladies, straight to the point.

So are gorillas in a convience store really that big of a problem?

Shooting is prohibited because at the bus stop it is too easy.

Sadly, this was a serious sign.

After seeing this ad, I need me a fucking poncho!

I could think of other ways to keep warm.

Cricketeer suits: available for autofelators only.

Yum!  Nothing beats a whole canned chicken.  I'd love to buy one just to hear the sound of it sliding out of the can.

Obviously.

Well I probably will be around and not taking my dad to the doctors in Madison.  Oh well, maybe I'll have to make a trip to scope out a practice of the Badgers and hit up the university bookstore to buy some baby clothes.  No, I'm not expecting.  A friend of mine is stuck in Minnesota with no access to Badgers clothing for his son.  Have a good night

Friday nights in fall were made for football.  I was going to go out to see a game or two this evening but two issues kept me from going.  First, my health.  I spent the better part of Friday morning throwing up.  Nothing quite like the taste of stomach bile.  It was so disgusting.  At least this time it didn't burn so I have that going for me.  It was this bright yellow color that was reminiscent of a couch syrup called Triaminic.  Also my foot is still killing me.  I can walk around on it but the pain is there and I don't think standing around on uneven ground would be the best thing for it.  I struggled to get my shoe on that foot.  If you ever saw the movie Dances with Wolves and remember the opening scene where Kevin Costner's character has a leg wound and has to bite down on a stick to help get the boot on, well that is close to what I was going through.  I still haven't taken that shoe off.  Issue two was the weather.  It is cool out and rainy.  I know it is good weather to play football or coach football but to just stand around it sucks.  So instead of doing all that, I went to Walgreen's to pick up some supplements.  Then I came home and watched some Jerry Springer and got ready for the round up.

That is Tyson Beckford on the right.  Normally I don't usually comment on guys' bodies but he does have a well-defined physique.  That being said, what the hell is up with his petting zoo?

People have been cruel to Tila Tequila's new girlfriend Courtenay Semel.  I think I have been one of those said people.  You can say she is ugly all you want but you have to realize that at the end of the night she is dipping into that leprechaun's pot of gold.  I don't know why I am mentioning this here but maybe I just want to make sure people are reading.  The one of the first two electrical appliances for the home was an electric vibrator.  The other was an electric fan.  One of the first movies was of a couple kissing and that was followed be a sequel of them having sex.  Anyway the electrical vibrator...I guess as far as inventions go, we always think about what's betweeen our legs first and foremost.

This first of this week's sex tape news.  Soulja Boy has a sex tape.  Yeah, I really didn't know who he was either until I heard his kitschy song all over the airwaves and then saw the NFL players doing his dance last year.  I was going to view the sex tape until I read further and said that Soulja Boy is gay.  A still shot from the video pretty much proves it is him because of the identical tattoos.  I guess it brings new meaning to the title of his hit song, "Crank That".

Does Selma Blair ever smile?  She looks permanently pissed off.  She's got wealth, fame, and good looks but that pale skin may be a turn off.  Either way, if she smiled, I would be in love.

USA!  USA!  USA!  I think the south has found their perfect candidate in Sarah Palin.  Please, can we get Michelle Obama in a bikini?

In other Sarah Palin news, a photo surfaced that is supposedly of her from her beauty queen days in the nude.  I was thinking it had to be her because who else but a beauty queen would wear a sash even when posing for nude shots.  Then I realized that is just a sheet.  Either way this should make for an interesting campaign.

It appears as if Ryan Seacrest has come to terms with his feelings for Randy Jackson.  I do find it strange that Ryan has a taco in his mouth...moving on.

Just when I was thinking I was going through Olivia Munn withdrawal, she posts this photo on her blog.  Thank you, Olivia!  The only downside is that belt.  Is that some new fashion that I am unaware of?  Anyway I took a close look at her bikini and there is a strategically placed strawberry on the top.  Too bad I hate strawberries because....NEXT!

Miley Cyrus received her birthday present today.  She got a new car, a $75,000 Mercedes.  That is a great birthday present, too bad she can't drive yet.  People think that Billy Ray bought her the car but it is apparent that she did because if Billy bought it there would be a gun rack in the back.  You know, her parents should have bought her something practical and useful.   Something like Invisalign.

Recent rumors are stating that Michael Jackson has a new girlfriend.  Yeah that was shocking to me as well.  Who is the girlfriend?  None other than Pam Anderson.  WTF!  She truly is running out of people to date in Hollywood.  Next thing you know she will be dating Mickey Rooney.  I think Pam and Michael should get married and have kids.  I wonder if it is legal to give a newborn implants and chin reduction surgery.  I suppose they could just go to Mexico if they wanted their children to have that surgery.  Fistfuls of cash can get you anything you want in Mexico.  Where do you think I got my steel implant?

Michael Phelps was spotted in the Playboy Club in Las Vegas displaying his backstroke.  The funny thing is that the chick's ass turned to gold after he was finished stroking.  See, this is what 8 gold medals are going to do for that guy.

Lindsay Lohan turned down $700,000 to pose nude for Playboy.  I'm not upset because it's not like I haven't seen her naked before.  They even tried to lure her by saying they wanted her to pose in a montage tribute to Ann Margaret and they would have Lindsay dress like Ann did in "Kitten with a Whip", which happens to be Lindsay's favorite movie.  I do think that Lindsay is stupid because, come on, wouldn't a nude spread in Playboy be the perfect wedding gift for her future husband.  Or is it wife?  I don't know how those things work.

Kevin Spacey, in the paper boy hat, has been dodging gay rumors and in this photo from earlier in the week shows how hard is working to stay away from said rumors.  He was at a nightclub in Croatia and decided to pull down a guy's pants and spank him.  Remind me never to go near a club where Kevin Spacey may be.

Katherine Heigel adopted a new dog this week.  The look on the dog's face says it all.  That pit bull is digging his claws into the floor to resist the temptation to bite her in the annoying ass.  Good thing he didn't because it would taste like nasty cigarettes and bullshit.

In more sex tape news...Josh Hartnett was filmed by security cameras banging some random girl in a hotel's library.  OK, from what I have read in the past about Josh Hartnett, he is a man-whore.  The only thing I can't believe about this story is that a hotel has a library.  The only reading materials I have ever found in most of the hotels I stay at are the tourist information magazines and the Gideon Bibles.  Of course the hotel was in London so it was more sophisticated.  Anyway, hotel staff approached Hartnett after he was finished and told him to go about his business elsewhere.  I sure would hate to pick up a book from that section...the pages all stuck together....

Johnny Depp reunited with his high school band called The Kids to play a benefit concert.  Johnny must have been a nerd in high school because it appears as if he just got a swirlie.

Jessica Simpson opened her stupid mouth this week and of course something stupid came out.  She claims that her nickname for Tony Romo is FBD, which stands for Future Baby's Daddy.  You know what I want to nickname Jessica and Tony?  PUF, puke up food.  When Carrie Underwood read that interview, she said that Jessica and Tony wouldn't stay together as a couple and she didn't understand why Tony would be with Jessica because she is fat.  CATFIGHT!  I know how we solve this...PUDDING WRESTLING...of course we would use non-fat pudding just in case Jessica is fat.

In the last sex tape news of the week.  This is Jeremy Jackson, who played Hobie on Baywatch.  He and his then girlfriend decided what better way to celebrate their love for each than to have a friend videotape them having sex.  His girlfriend was former porn star turned devout Christian hip hop artist Sky Lopez.  Anyway Jeremey claims that he took the tape from Sky because she is a Christian and apparently Christians don't view porn but according to my feedback that isn't true.  He also claims that he wanted to sell the tape a long time ago to support his crystal meth habit but he didn't want the born again Christian Sky Lopez to be seen having sex on tape.  WTF!  She was a porn star who according to wikipedia has been in 69 films.  That is a strange coincidence.  A porn star who doesn't want to be seen having sex...THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US!

Here we see Jennifer Anniston trying to salvage yet another failed relationship.  Actually this is a shot of her guest role on 30 Rock in which she will play a stalker.  That seems to fit her perfectly.

When Jamie Lynn Spears heard about Bristol Palin's pregnancy, Jamie decided to show her support by sending her baby clothes and accessories.  Hey, teen moms have to stick together.  The card attached to the presents said, "From one Juno to another."

Apparently this is from the new Sopranos movie.  Tony gets married to an Asian model.  Hmmm...he must have survived the pending attack in the diner but the rest of the family wasn't as lucky....ok this isn't from the Sopranos movie but James Gandolfini did get married this week.  He will forever be typecasted.

Is it me or do Holly Madison's breasts look more massive than usual in this photo?  She was spotted shopping this week in Beverly Hills.  I am sure Hugh Hefner will hear all about her shopping trip when he gets his credit card bill.

Holly was also photographed hanging from a pole giving us a perfect shot up her skirt.  Gee acting like a whore and seeing her nether bits is not that shocking.  What would truly shock people is if she were to pick up a book that didn't have the word "coloring" in the title.

I am hoping this is true.  Hayden Panettiere may be breaking up with her boyfriend who is 13 years older than her.  According to her friends, she is freaking out because he is constantly talking about getting married.  I think I freaked out a girlfriend once when I talked about marriage but that is another story.  She moved out of her parents' house maybe because she was afraid of getting hit.  Her boyfriend expected her to move in with him but instead she bought her own $2.6million house.  I think her living in an enchanted forest, singing to talking woodland creatures would be the next logical step.

Don Lafontaine passed away this week at the age of 68.  Who is Don Lafontaine?  Let this help.  He also seemed to receive fame through Frank Caliendo and this Geico commercial.  He was the voice of over 5000 movie trailers.  That's 5000 more than Gilbert Gottfried even if Gilbert is the voice of the AFLAC duck.  He will be missed. 

David Spade got her pregnant.  That is former Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace.  David Spade seems like the type of guy who would stalk a Barnes & Noble employee if she smiled at him and asked if he needed any help and would wait in the parking lot with rope and ether for when her shift is over.  Yeah, that totally is David Spade.


More news has been released about David Duchovny's trip to sex rehab.  There are numerous stories about why he is there and one says that he is addicted to porn and chatrooms.  The one source says that he would spend hours chatting and stroking off for people on his webcam.  David was also said to have had to admit to this before another patient at the center "beat" him to the punch and released it all over the internet.  Another report says that David went to rehab because of a deal he made with his wife.  See, he has been cheating on her with numerous random women and in fact to claim you were a female extra on his series Kalifornication you had to have slept with him to gain the title of extra.  Well his wife, Tea Leoni, caught him and said that he had two choices: go to rehab or get divorced.  I feel for this guy because it must be difficult to say no to all those X-Files fans who just throw themselves at him.  At least he is getting help for whatever is wrong with him.  Now he just needs to work on that whole wearing no pants in public fetish.  I just hope none of my lady readers get addicted to his pictures.

Christina Ricci was photographed at a beach this week.  That praying hands tattoo isn't classy on my grandma but Christina seems to pull it off.  I have to admit I am praying too, praying to see what is underneath that bikini.

Christina Aguilera thinks she is sexy but that hair, it looks like it has been bleached so many times that it will crumble in the wind because of how brittle it is.  Like chicken, I only enjoy legs and breasts.  Christina's on the other hand are pretty nasty looking but they are like a car accident that you just can't help but staring at.

Chad Johnson of the Cincinnati Bengals legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco.  Apparently 8 is his IQ and 5 is the size in centimeters of something I shouldn't mention because those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.  85 is also the number of times he was dropped on his head as a baby.

Wow!  Britney Spears is quite forward, isn't she?  I need to start going out with her when she goes to clubs in Las Vegas.  Actually expect some topless photos of her coming out in the upcoming weeks because she was at a Las Vegas resort that provides "European style" sunbathing. 

Britney Spears is supposedly going to be the opening act for the Video Music Awards this weekend.  Some say she is going to do a song and dance routine.  I think she will just end up coming out and tell a few stiff jokes and then go backstage and get drunk.

Lynne Spears has a tell all book coming out in which she admits that Britney started getting drunk at age 13.  She also said that Britney lost her virginity at age 14 with the star football player who was 18.  Lynne also admitted that Britney started doing drugs at 15 and that when she was 16 Britney was not allowed on a private jet because she had bags of cocaine.  Now some people are holding on to the notion that K-Fed into a raving lunatic but those are probably the same people who believe that Clay Aiken is straight.  Also Lynne is blaming the managers for letting Britney turn out like this but that is sort of like lighting your house on fire and blaming the firemen when your possessions end up wet.

Sources close to Amy Winehouse claim that she has overdosed twice in the past year.  The first time was after taking cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine, and meth.  I think if I did that cocktail I would be dead.  The other overdose was the accidental one where someone spiked her drink and it reacted to her medicine.  The sourse also claims that Amy spent 36 straight hours smoking weed.  That sort of reminds me of that old Sublime song, "Smoke 2 Joints in the Morning" but if Amy did a cover it would have to be Smoke 200 Joints.

Some girls enjoy candles, others like caviar and most enjoy chocolate.  Not Amy Winehouse.  On a rider for an upcoming concert she request 48 bottles of Jack Daniels.  Ah, she loves the simple things in life.  If they don't get her that Jack, she will be dehydrated and it also helps maintain that beautiful voice.  We shouldn't be surprised by the request seeing as Amy usually consumes 48 bottles of Jack for her breakfast.

Well that is all for this week.  I hope everyone has a good weekend.  I might be off and on this week because I know one day I have to take my dad to the eye doctor.  Anyway have a good weekend.

I watched the season premiere of season 7 of The Shield on FX Tuesday evening.  I love that series.  I think it is one of the best police dramas on cable.  OK, I have to admit I've never seen The Wire but from what I've been told it isn't worth the hype.  I maybe should have said best police drama on basic cable.  I was introduced to The Shield by the D.A.R.E. officer that came in to my classroom.  I took him at his word and saw that Amazon had a discount on the first season dvd set so I bought it for something like $5.  I waited patiently and when I popped it in my dvd player I was hooked.  I think I watched the first season in one evening.  I quickly ordered the next 3 seasons.  Then I watched seasons 5 and 6 on FX and of course bought the dvds.  Tuesday was the premiere of the final season.  I wasn't that thrilled with the opener.  It didn't hook me in ways that the others have.  There are some interesting plots that will be coming up but I just didn't get hooked.  I was also displeased how some of the major characters underwent appearance changes since the last season finished.  Of course I picked them up because I watched the season 6 dvds the weekend before the premiere to catch up.  I guess that is because of the writer's strike but still they could have looked at some of the episodes.  Another thing was that the timeline of The Shield is sort of messed up.  One storyline seems to have progressed only a few hours while another taking place at the same time seems to have progressed weeks if not months since the end of season 6.  I seriously think it is only supposed to be a few hours but I guess I am critical.  I will continue to watch in hopes that all these stories are resolved in a way better than The Sopranos. 
Tonight I also caught Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on FOX.  It was a revisted show.  They covered just a handful of the restaurants that he helped and of course all of them are successful.  I wanted to see updates on some that I thought were his biggest challenges.  FOX was also running previews for a new gameshow called Hole in the Wall.  The premise is that a wall floats at people with a shape cut out and the people have to manage their bodies through the hole.  If they don't, the wall pushes them into a pool of water.  I think that will be the dumbest show ever but it will probably enjoy high ratings. 
On to other random things.

This is the new Tyra Banks Barbie Doll.  It comes with an exchangeable whale suit.  The removable ego is sold seperately.  Maybe this could also be the new line of Bratz accessories.  They are vaginas to mix and match with the Bratz outfits.  That line of dolls is creepy and the message they promote makes me to never want to have a daughter.

The elevator must be broken.

That has to be safe.

Sadly, that is so true. 

Why wear it if it doesn't cover anything up.  That is something called The Super Thong.  Maybe she has it on backwards.

This is what a strike in car bowling looks like.  Mid 80s sedans are the best choice of "ball".

That is the best banana ever.

Business appears to be booming.  I think I saw that kid on Maury.  Not on the paternity shows he does but on the fat baby shows he does where the moms are ignorant as to what they feed their children.  "But my baby cries if I don't give him a bag of cheetos."

The last time I checked, Brett Favre wasn't that tan.  I do like the Packer throwback uniforms which they used about 10 years ago.  way to stay on top of things, Walmart!

I think if one of my students answered any of my test questions like that I would have written the same thing.  You may have to enlarge or save and view. 

Wow, that reminds me of the one time I went to myspace and there was actually a friend request from Jesus waiting for me.  You know myspace isn't cool anymore when there are signs like this on the highway.

This is another one of those you may have to enlarge to read.  It is a letter a guy got from his landlord.  This is what happens when college students studying to be teachers have way to much time on their hands.

HOTLINKS!
This website asks and answers the most important question of our time.  Make sure you check out the URL.

I hope that this is a joke...not that a guy likes to do that but that he would advertise on the internet about his so called skills...I shouldn't have read this because it is giving me ideas.

You know those people that historians have said were to be eccentric but they gave society numerous contributions?  Well these 7 people were really can't tell rat shit from Rice Krispies insane.

Whoever said that girls who played video games were nerds never read this.

This is a sad story but it comes complete with amazing photo that I thought only existed in Sci-Fi movies of the 1950s.

They always talk about how politicians pander to certain special interest groups.  Well, I found a bumper sticker for a group to which I belong.  $10 is a bit steep, but I think just the satire factor is priceless.

It was only a matter of time before the Christian rock movement jumped on board the Guitar Hero bandwagon.  I am suprised it wasn't sooner.  I guess I haven't played Guitar Hero enough to find the sex or drugs that are supposedly in the game.  Maybe it is a button combination like up up down down left right left right B A.

Here is a site that is useful if you have a pesky roadrunner giving you headaches.

This site gives you interesting things to do when you are really bored.  I wish I would have had this as a kid but then if I had the internet as a kid, I probably would have spent most of my time downloading porn.

This site asks and answers one of the most important questions that FOX Noise has asked in this election.  Make sure you read the URL.

What the hell was this guy thinking?  I've heard of rings for that but not a nut.  Oh and is that guy naked in the background?

This is that article I was talking about the other day with the lubricant and acne.

Well that is all for today.  I will be back tomorrow with a celebrity round up.

I mentioned this comic book in my last post and said it was one of the worst ever published.  Here are some of the covers that kept it in business.





This is allegedly the worst of the series...that is really something...the worst issue of the worst comic book ever published.

   I didn't watch the Republican National Convention tonight so I really can't tell you what my impression of Sarah Palin is.  My gung-ho Republican friends, who I think only vote Republican because they're the "Christians", are saying it was the best speech ever.  I find that hypocritical especially when they say that Obama is only getting followers because he is a silver-tongued speaker.  I also read an AP article about all the falacies of her speech and those that spoke about her this evening.  So much for Straight Talk Express.  Anyway, I really am unimpressed with either candidate and their vice president picks.  I have an idea who I will vote for but I think I could be swayed.  Instead of the RNC, I watched taped episodes of Jerry Springer.  I can't get enough of that show.  I think I have it bad sometimes but then that show cheers me up but it also worries me with all the infidelity but maybe that wouldn't happen to me because I don't think I would date anyone who lives in a trailer park.  Now for some comic books.

Brings new meaning to the term "getting some head".

So if they destroyed his family, did they have to destroy themselves as well?

Steve!!!!!!!!!! Steve is the best you could come up with?  What, was Humungasaurus already taken?  I think you could come up with a better name for a giant.

I've been a part of many many many weddings.  The bride is supposed to throw the boquet backwards.  The bridesmaids know that she threw it wrong and because of her error they are pissed and rotting.

This comes from Tarot, one of the worst comic books ever published.  After seeing this cell, I had many nightmares.

This issue was originally a deleted scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

That is just one of the many perks of being Batman's butler.

This is far superior to The Cutting Edge.

This looks it has the makings of being the best comic ever.  Make. Movie. NOW!!!!!!!

This must have happened when The Family Circus grew up.   Target?  Ice hockey?  This must take place in Minnesota.

While Batman and Robin were wasting time on that hoax, Charles Manson and his family killed Sharon Tate.  Way to drop the ball on that one, Dark Knight.  If you want to learn more about the Paul is Dead hoax or just are interested in strange tales of rock and roll, check out the works of R. Gary Patterson.  I heard him once on Coast to Coast AM and was hooked and I went out and bought his books.  Great stuff.

World War II just keeps getting stranger and stranger and I realize that I know absolutely nothing about the war.

I am going to post an extra special blog tomorrow with more comic book covers.  I just found some Tarot covers and I realize why it sold despite having horrible writing.  I will also make a random post tomorrow.

The doctor said I had no broken bones.  That is a good thing.  I wouldn't want my foot in a cast or a boot or whatever they would set it in.  I also had more rattling in my lungs which concerns my doctor so I stay on the steroids.  I am so broken out from that stuff.  I never really suffered with acne when I was in high school.  I look like a teenager again just in my face region, which could also be due to me being clean shaven now.  I lost the sideburns and the soul-patch.  I guess the 90s are over.  So I rented Hitman the other night and was carded because it was an R-rated movie.  That reminds me of the time when I was 16 and I went to Paul Bunyan's in The Dells and they asked if I was under 12 and let me tell you I was about 6'4" or so and pretty hefty.  I did read an article today that the Cambodian government gives condoms to sex workers and these condoms have a lubricant that is a acne wonder drug. 
I am also thankful that I wasn't a teacher or student in classrooms in this area today.  it was about 95.  I think many schools here forgo air conditioning in favor of heaters because the majority of the Wisconsin school year requires heat.  Tomorrow it is supposed to only be around 70.  Well I figure we all could use some motivation.

I have bitched about being alone on this site many times.  It has become unbearable.  I did do something I am not sure of quite yet.  I joined an adult social network but doubt it will help me find a soul mate because I think the closest person to me is in Milwaukee.  Oh well, it's an attempt.  Just have to face my problems with someone.  I'll be back tomorrow with a comic book update.

The summer is officially over.  I hope you enjoyed your weekend.  Mine was different.  I had been busy with family things and get-togethers.  They had an ice cream social planned at my parents' church after a concert from a guy who was from New Orleans.  It was interesting to hear this guy sing and talk about how his faith was so strong after Hurricane Katrina.  I think had it been me I would have went the other way. 
This small town also a huge end of the summer celebration sponsored by the fire department.  Saturday night they had a tractor pull and when I went outside all I could smell was burning diesel fuel.  Then Sunday night they had a demolition derby and that caused the air to have the smell of gas.  It was so bad that it started choking me.  I had a nasty asthma attack which had me reeling.  Thank goodness I had my inhaler on me otherwise I probably wouldn't be typing right now.  Today, I did some grilling.  I cooked up a batch of my semi-famous bratwurst and some hot dogs.  My brats...oh they are good but probably one of the worst foods I cook healthwise.  Sunday night, after I calmed down from my attack, I took a dozen brats and put them in a pot.  I then took 6 bottles of beer and poured them on top.  I usually use some sort of crap beer like Miller or Coors or whatever I buy for parties.  Well I didn't have any and it was after 9pm so I couldn't get any at the store.  I decided to use some of my top-shelf beer because I haven't been drinking it and reckoned it was bad by now.  I let the brats soak overnight.  About noon I pulled them out of the refridgerator and put them on the stove.  I dropped a stick of butter in with the beer and the brats.  Then I cut an onion up and dumped that in.  I also sprinkled some garlic powder and other random spices (read secret).  I then boiled the brats until the butter was gone and they were a light grey color.  Then I took them out to my grill still in the pot of beer and onions.  I grilled them up and here is the key step: once they are done grilling, I put them back in the beer pot.  That way any juices that they lose on the grill, they suck back in once put back in the pot.  It is always fun to see that usually half of the beer goes back into the brats.  They make for some juicy eating.  After lunch, I went to take a nap but decided to rearrange some boxes and then I dropped one on my foot and I think I may have hurt something.  I can't bend a couple of my toes so it looks like I will be going to the doctor tomorrow.  It is feeling better tonight after some RICE.  I also found out my DVD burner still works so that is a good thing. 
Time to get random.

So is there such a thing as interspecies rape?

I hate horses.  I know I have told a few of you this so if I have you will just have to listen.  I didn't live with my parents when I attended high school.  I went to two private schools.  The first had dorms.  Imagine a dorm full of 14-18 year olds.  That school closed.  I went to another private school that didn't offer dorms.  2 of my three years at that school I lived on a horse farm.  I did chores and part of those were to feed the horses.  They hated me.  Whenever I would be in the barn area they would stomp and spit at me.  I did get stepped on once and another time a horse swung its butt at me and I slipped and fell onto an electric fence.  Anyway, I hate horses.

This is the typical reaction I get when dogs see me.

Have you heard the old saying of the animal kingdom: Once you go giraffe you never go back?  I wonder if a giraffe can breed with a donkey.

Remember Laverne and Shirley?  All I hear when I see this picture is the character Squiggy saying, "Hell-ooo"

We do...we most certainly do.

I now pernounce you husband and wife, you may motorboat the bride.  You know that old saying for the bride's attire on her wedding day:"something new, something borrowed, something blue."?  Well I look at her and I think I know what the "something new" refers to.

I have to say that guy is dumb but bold but mostly dumb.

Look closely.  You should see a little something more than a plane taking off.

I think that guy got arrested for slipping the girl a roofie.

This is what people do in Home Depot after hours.

People have the strangest jobs.  Europe must be a fun place to live.

Nothing to see here, just doing a strip search and body cavity exam.  Move along.

Time for a swimming lesson.  It reminds me of a story my cousin told me about a Catholic priest who coerced a nun into going swimming and convincing her that he had to stick his fingers down there otherwise she would drown.  Did I mention my cousin was a priest?

While in college, I caught so many guys.  I think God was behind it.  He was punishing me by forcing me to walk in on guys who were masturbating.  I never walked in on anything this freaky.

We have a front-runner for the Mother of the Year contest.

Here's what I did today...I grilled and had a beer.  What were you thinking? MMMM Strawberry Blonde and Blue Moon...yeah I have problems that I can identify those beers.

I hope your weekend was a great blow-out for the end of summer.  Thanks for putting up with me another season.