Month: October 2008

  • Glamourous Wedding

    I was reading about this glamorous that took place in the UK last weekend.  It involved a 16 year old girl named Missy Quinn who married her 17 year old boyfriend. It was a fairytale wedding that may have cost her father upwards of $200,000.  Yeah that may sound like a lot but when you figure out what they do for a living it is quite expensive. 

    You need to know some backstory.  Missy hasn't been in school since she was 9 years old.  She travels around with her family in a caravan, which is British for trailer or RV.  Her family is a group of gypsies or pikeys made famous in Guy Ritchie's movie Snatch.  Missy met her husband Thomas when she was 13 at an amusement park  She said she knew he was the one because he stroked her hair as she gave him a blow job on one of the rides. 

    This story was sort of like Romeo and Juillete if they had been white trash.  See Thomas and his family lived in a house that sat in one place while Missy and her family traveled around the country.  Missy's mother, Theresa, who is 33 years old and was married at age 16, was shocked to find out her daughter was getting married.  Theresa only agreed to the wedding when she found out that Thomas and Missy were madly in love. 

    Missy's father Simon, who is 35, paves driveways for a living while doing other shenanigans around the UK.  He has been saving up for her wedding and said it was worth every penny.  Here's how some of the money was spent: $26,000 two piece wedding gown, $800 for Missy's crystal bouqet, $500 for outfits for babies involved, $1200 for hot pants and bra ensemble for a guest, $29,000 for Thomas and Missy's very own trailer.  He also paid for hotels, a rental Rolls Royce, a tiara, a honeymoon in Turkey and a reception for 150 guests.  Those were some classy guests because girls as young as 9 were said to be walking around in mini-skirts and bra tops.

    I wish this was fake but sadly it isn't.  I also have to admit that I wish I was a guest.  I also hope they filmed every single minute so they can release it in porn theaters worldwide.  May the next six months be filled with creampies and domestic disturbance calls.  OK, here are the pictures.  Be prepared for class and Color Me Badd facial hair.
     
    Here comes the bride....

    The bride and groom with the bride's family.



    Oh that is so classy!  Round up later.

  • Funfundneunzig



    Aus Liebe zur Wahrheit und in dem Bestreben, diese zu
    ergründen, soll in Wittenberg unter dem Vorsitz des ehrwürdigen Vaters Martin
    Luther, Magisters der freien Künste und der heiligen Theologie sowie deren
    ordentlicher Professor daselbst, über die folgenden Sätze disputiert werden.
    Deshalb bittet er die, die nicht anwesend sein und mündlich mit uns debattieren
    können, dieses in Abwesenheit schriftlich zu tun. Im Namen unseres Herrn Jesu
    Christi, Amen.


    1. Da unser Herr und Meister
      Jesus Christus spricht "Tut Buße" usw. (Matth. 4,17), hat er
      gewollt, daß das ganze Leben der Gläubigen Buße sein soll.
    2. Dieses Wort kann nicht von
      der Buße als Sakrament - d. h. von der Beichte und Genugtuung -, die durch
      das priesterliche Amt verwaltet wird, verstanden werden.
    3. Es bezieht sich nicht nur auf
      eine innere Buße, ja eine solche wäre gar keine, wenn sie nicht nach außen
      mancherlei Werke zur Abtötung des Fleisches bewirkte.
    4. Daher bleibt die Strafe,
      solange der Haß gegen sich selbst - das ist die wahre Herzensbuße - bestehen
      bleibt, also bis zum Eingang ins Himmelreich.
    5. Der Papst will und kann keine
      Strafen erlassen, außer solchen, die er auf Grund seiner eigenen
      Entscheidung oder der der kirchlichen Satzungen auferlegt hat.
    6. Der Papst kann eine Schuld
      nur dadurch erlassen, daß er sie als von Gott erlassen erklärt und
      bezeugt, natürlich kann er sie in den ihm vorbehaltenen Fällen erlassen;
      wollte man das geringachten, bliebe die Schuld ganz und gar bestehen.
    7. Gott erläßt überhaupt keinem
      die Schuld, ohne ihn zugleich demütig in allem dem Priester, seinem
      Stellvertreter, zu unterwerfen.
    8. Die kirchlichen Bestimmungen
      über die Buße sind nur für die Lebenden verbindlich, den Sterbenden darf
      demgemäß nichts auferlegt werden.
    9. Daher handelt der Heilige
      Geist, der durch den Papst wirkt, uns gegenüber gut, wenn er in seinen
      Erlassen immer den Fall des Todes und der höchsten Not ausnimmt.
    10. Unwissend und schlecht
      handeln diejenigen Priester, die den Sterbenden kirchliche Bußen für das
      Fegefeuer aufsparen.
    11. Die Meinung, daß eine kirchliche
      Bußstrafe in eine Fegefeuerstrafe umgewandelt werden könne, ist ein
      Unkraut, das offenbar gesät worden ist, während die Bischöfe schliefen.
    12. Früher wurden die kirchlichen
      Bußstrafen nicht nach, sondern vor der Absolution auferlegt, gleichsam als
      Prüfstein für die Aufrichtigkeit der Reue.
    13. Die Sterbenden werden durch
      den Tod von allem gelöst, und für die kirchlichen Satzungen sind sie schon
      tot, weil sie von Rechts wegen davon befreit sind.
    14. Ist die Haltung eines
      Sterbenden und die Liebe (Gott gegenüber) unvollkommen, so bringt ihm das
      notwendig große Furcht, und diese ist um so größer, je geringer jene ist.
    15. Diese Furcht und dieser
      Schrecken genügen für sich allein - um von anderem zu schweigen -, die
      Pein des Fegefeuers auszumachen; denn sie kommen dem Grauen der
      Verzweiflung ganz nahe.
    16. Es scheinen sich demnach
      Hölle, Fegefeuer und Himmel in der gleichen Weise zu unterscheiden wie
      Verzweiflung, annähernde Verzweiflung und Sicherheit.
    17. Offenbar haben die Seelen im
      Fegefeuer die Mehrung der Liebe genauso nötig wie eine Minderung des
      Grauens.
    18. Offenbar ist es auch weder
      durch Vernunft- noch Schriftgründe erwiesen, daß sie sich außerhalb des
      Zustandes befinden, in dem sie Verdienste erwerben können oder in dem die
      Liebe zunehmen kann.
    19. Offenbar ist auch dieses
      nicht erwiesen, daß sie - wenigstens nicht alle - ihrer Seligkeit sicher
      und gewiß sind, wenngleich wir ihrer völlig sicher sind.
    20. Daher meint der Papst mit dem
      vollkommenen Erlaß aller Strafen nicht einfach den Erlaß sämtlicher
      Strafen, sondern nur derjenigen, die er selbst auferlegt hat.
    21. Deshalb irren jene
      Ablaßprediger, die sagen, daß durch die Ablässe des Papstes der Mensch von
      jeder Strafe frei und los werde.
    22. Vielmehr erläßt er den Seelen
      im Fegefeuer keine einzige Strafe, die sie nach den kirchlichen Satzungen
      in diesem Leben hätten abbüßen müssen.
    23. Wenn überhaupt irgendwem
      irgendein Erlaß aller Strafen gewährt werden kann, dann gewiß allein den
      Vollkommensten, das heißt aber, ganz wenigen.
    24. Deswegen wird zwangsläufig
      ein Großteil des Volkes durch jenes in Bausch und Bogen und
      großsprecherisch gegebene Versprechen des Straferlasses getäuscht.
    25. Die gleiche Macht, die der
      Papst bezüglich des Fegefeuers im allgemeinen hat, besitzt jeder Bischof
      und jeder Seelsorger in seinem Bistum bzw. seinem Pfarrbezirk im
      besonderen.
    26. Der Papst handelt sehr
      richtig, den Seelen (im Fegefeuer) die Vergebung nicht auf Grund seiner -
      ihm dafür nicht zur Verfügung stehenden - Schlüsselgewalt, sondern auf dem
      Wege der Fürbitte zuzuwenden.
    27. Menschenlehre verkündigen
      die, die sagen, daß die Seele (aus dem Fegefeuer) emporfliege, sobald das
      Geld im Kasten klingt.
    28. Gewiß, sobald das Geld im
      Kasten klingt, können Gewinn und Habgier wachsen, aber die Fürbitte der
      Kirche steht allein auf dem Willen Gottes.
    29. Wer weiß denn, ob alle Seelen
      im Fegefeuer losgekauft werden wollen, wie es beispielsweise beim heiligen
      Severin und Paschalis nicht der Fall gewesen sein soll.
    30. Keiner ist der Echtheit
      seiner Reue gewiß, viel weniger, ob er völligen Erlaß (der Sündenstrafe)
      erlangt hat.
    31. So selten einer in rechter
      Weise Buße tut, so selten kauft einer in der rechten Weise Ablaß, nämlich
      außerordentlich selten.
    32. Wer glaubt, durch einen
      Ablaßbrief seines Heils gewiß sein zu können, wird auf ewig mit seinen
      Lehrmeistern verdammt werden.
    33. Nicht genug kann man sich vor
      denen hüten, die den Ablaß des Papstes jene unschätzbare Gabe Gottes
      nennen, durch die der Mensch mit Gott versöhnt werde.
    34. Jene Ablaßgnaden beziehen
      sich nämlich nur auf die von Menschen festgesetzten Strafen der
      sakramentalen Genugtuung.
    35. Nicht christlich predigen
      die, die lehren, daß für die, die Seelen (aus dem Fegefeuer) loskaufen
      oder Beichtbriefe erwerben, Reue nicht nötig sei.
    36. Jeder Christ, der wirklich
      bereut, hat Anspruch auf völligen Erlaß von Strafe und Schuld, auch ohne Ablaßbrief.
    37. Jeder wahre Christ, sei er
      lebendig oder tot, hat Anteil an allen Gütern Christi und der Kirche, von
      Gott ihm auch ohne Ablaßbrief gegeben.
    38. Doch dürfen der Erlaß und der
      Anteil (an den genannten Gütern), die der Papst vermittelt, keineswegs geringgeachtet
      werden, weil sie - wie ich schon sagte - die Erklärung der göttlichen
      Vergebung darstellen.
    39. Auch den gelehrtesten
      Theologen dürfte es sehr schwerfallen, vor dem Volk zugleich die Fülle der
      Ablässe und die Aufrichtigkeit der Reue zu rühmen.
    40. Aufrichtige Reue begehrt und
      liebt die Strafe. Die Fülle der Ablässe aber macht gleichgültig und lehrt
      sie hassen, wenigstens legt sie das nahe.
    41. Nur mit Vorsicht darf der
      apostolische Ablaß gepredigt werden, damit das Volk nicht
      fälschlicherweise meint, er sei anderen guten Werken der Liebe
      vorzuziehen.
    42. Man soll die Christen lehren:
      Die Meinung des Papstes ist es nicht, daß der Erwerb von Ablaß in
      irgendeiner Weise mit Werken der Barmherzigkeit zu vergleichen sei.
    43. Man soll den Christen lehren:
      Dem Armen zu geben oder dem Bedürftigen zu leihen ist besser, als Ablaß zu
      kaufen.
    44. Denn durch ein Werk der Liebe
      wächst die Liebe und wird der Mensch besser, aber durch Ablaß wird er
      nicht besser, sondern nur teilweise von der Strafe befreit.
    45. Man soll die Christen lehren:
      Wer einen Bedürftigen sieht, ihn übergeht und statt dessen für den Ablaß
      gibt, kauft nicht den Ablaß des Papstes, sondern handelt sich den Zorn
      Gottes ein.
    46. Man soll die Christen lehren:
      Die, die nicht im Überfluß leben, sollen das Lebensnotwendige für ihr
      Hauswesen behalten und keinesfalls für den Ablaß verschwenden.
    47. Man soll die Christen lehren:
      Der Kauf von Ablaß ist eine freiwillige Angelegenheit, nicht geboten.
    48. Man soll die Christen lehren:
      Der Papst hat bei der Erteilung von Ablaß ein für ihn dargebrachtes Gebet
      nötiger und wünscht es deshalb auch mehr als zur Verfügung gestelltes
      Geld.
    49. Man soll die Christen lehren:
      Der Ablaß des Papstes ist nützlich, wenn man nicht sein Vertrauen darauf
      setzt, aber sehr schädlich, falls man darüber die Furcht Gottes
      fahrenläßt.
    50. Man soll die Christen lehren:
      Wenn der Papst die Erpressungsmethoden der Ablaßprediger wüßte, sähe er
      lieber die Peterskirche in Asche sinken, als daß sie mit Haut, Fleisch und
      Knochen seiner Schafe erbaut würde.
    51. Man soll die Christen lehren:
      Der Papst wäre, wie es seine Pflicht ist, bereit - wenn nötig -, die
      Peterskirche zu verkaufen, um von seinem Gelde einem großen Teil jener zu
      geben, denen gewisse Ablaßprediger das Geld aus der Tasche holen.
    52. Auf Grund eines Ablaßbriefes
      das Heil zu erwarten ist eitel, auch wenn der (Ablass Kommissar, ja der
      Papst selbst ihre Seelen dafür verpfändeten.
    53. Die anordnen, daß um der
      Ablaßpredigt willen das Wort Gottes in den umliegenden Kirchen völlig zum
      Schweigen komme, sind Feinde Christi und des Papstes.
    54. Dem Wort Gottes geschieht
      Unrecht, wenn in ein und derselben Predigt auf den Ablaß die gleiche oder
      längere Zeit verwendet wird als für jenes.
    55. Die Meinung des Papstes ist
      unbedingt die: Wenn der Ablaß - als das Geringste - mit einer Glocke, einer
      Prozession und einem Gottesdienst gefeiert wird, sollte das Evangelium -
      als das Höchste - mit hundert Glocken, hundert Prozessionen und hundert
      Gottesdiensten gepredigt werden.
    56. Der Schatz der Kirche, aus
      dem der Papst den Ablaß austeilt, ist bei dem Volke Christi weder genügend
      genannt noch bekannt.
    57. Offenbar besteht er nicht in
      zeitlichen Gütern, denn die würden viele von den Predigern nicht so leicht
      mit vollen Händen austeilen, sondern bloß sammeln.
    58. Er besteht aber auch nicht
      aus den Verdiensten Christi und der Heiligen, weil diese dauernd ohne den
      Papst Gnade für den inwendigen Menschen sowie Kreuz, Tod und Hölle für den
      äußeren bewirken.
    59. Der heilige Laurentius hat
      gesagt, daß der Schatz der Kirche ihre Armen seien, aber die Verwendung
      dieses Begriffes entsprach der Auffassung seiner Zeit.
    60. Wohlbegründet sagen wir, daß
      die Schlüssel der Kirche - die ihr durch das Verdienst Christi geschenkt
      sind - jenen Schatz darstellen.
    61. Selbstverständlich genügt die
      Gewalt des Papstes allein zum Erlaß von Strafen und zur Vergebung in
      besondern, ihm vorbehaltenen Fällen.
    62. Der wahre Schatz der Kirche
      ist das allerheiligste Evangelium von der Herrlichkeit und Gnade Gottes.
    63. Dieser ist zu Recht allgemein
      verhaßt, weil er aus Ersten Letzte macht.
    64. Der Schatz des Ablasses
      jedoch ist zu Recht außerordentlich beliebt, weil er aus Letzten Erste
      macht.
    65. Also ist der Schatz des
      Evangeliums das Netz, mit dem man einst die Besitzer von Reichtum fing.
    66. Der Schatz des Ablasses ist
      das Netz, mit dem man jetzt den Reichtum von Besitzenden fängt.
    67. Der Ablaß, den die
      Ablaßprediger lautstark als außerordentliche Gnaden anpreisen, kann
      tatsächlich dafür gelten, was das gute Geschäft anbelangt.
    68. Doch sind sie, verglichen mit
      der Gnade Gottes und der Verehrung des Kreuzes, in der Tat ganz
      geringfügig.
    69. Die Bischöfe und Pfarrer sind
      gehalten, die Kommissare des apostolischen Ablasses mit aller Ehrerbietung
      zuzulassen.
    70. Aber noch mehr sind sie
      gehalten, Augen und Ohren anzustrengen, daß jene nicht anstelle des
      päpstlichen Auftrags ihre eigenen Phantastereien predigen.
    71. Wer gegen die Wahrheit des
      apostolischen Ablasses spricht, der sei verworfen und verflucht.
    72. Aber wer gegen die
      Zügellosigkeit und Frechheit der Worte der Ablaßprediger auftritt, der sei
      gesegnet.
    73. Wie der Papst zu Recht seinen
      Bannstrahl gegen diejenigen schleudert, die hinsichtlich des
      Ablaßgeschäftes auf mannigfache Weise Betrug ersinnen,
    74. So will er viel mehr den
      Bannstrahl gegen diejenigen schleudern, die unter dem Vorwand des Ablasses
      auf Betrug hinsichtlich der heiligen Liebe und Wahrheit sinnen.
    75. Es ist irrsinnig zu meinen,
      daß der päpstliche Ablaß mächtig genug sei, einen Menschen loszusprechen,
      auch wenn er - was ja unmöglich ist - der Gottesgebärerin Gewalt angetan
      hätte.
    76. Wir behaupten dagegen, daß
      der päpstliche Ablaß auch nicht die geringste läßliche Sünde wegnehmen
      kann, was deren Schuld betrifft.
    77. Wenn es heißt, auch der
      heilige Petrus könnte, wenn er jetzt Papst wäre, keine größeren Gnaden
      austeilen, so ist das eine Lästerung des heiligen Petrus und des Papstes.
    78. Wir behaupten dagegen, daß
      dieser wie jeder beliebige Papst größere hat, nämlich das Evangelium,
      "Geisteskräfte und Gaben, gesund zu machen" usw., wie es 1. Kor.
      12 heißt.
    79. Es ist Gotteslästerung zu
      sagen, daß das (in den Kirchen) an hervorragender Stelle errichtete
      (Ablass Kreuz, das mit dem päpstlichen Wappen versehen ist, dem Kreuz
      Christi gleichkäme.
    80. Bischöfe, Pfarrer und
      Theologen, die dulden, daß man dem Volk solche Predigt bietet, werden
      dafür Rechenschaft ablegen müssen.
    81. Diese freche Ablaßpredigt
      macht es auch gelehrten Männern nicht leicht, das Ansehen des Papstes vor
      böswilliger Kritik oder sogar vor spitzfindigen Fragen der Laien zu
      schützen.
    82. Zum Beispiel: Warum räumt der
      Papst nicht das Fegefeuer aus um der heiligsten Liebe und höchsten Not der
      Seelen willen - als aus einem wirklich triftigen Grund -, da er doch
      unzählige Seelen loskauft um des unheilvollen Geldes zum Bau einer Kirche
      willen - als aus einem sehr fadenscheinigen Grund -?
    83. Oder: Warum bleiben die
      Totenmessen sowie Jahrfeiern für die Verstorbenen bestehen, und warum gibt
      er (der Papst) nicht die Stiftungen, die dafür gemacht worden sind, zurück
      oder gestattet ihre Rückgabe,wenn es schon ein Unrecht ist, für die
      Losgekauften zu beten?
    84. Oder: Was ist das für eine
      neue Frömmigkeit vor Gott und dem Papst, daß sie einem Gottlosen und
      Feinde erlauben, für sein Geld eine fromme und von Gott geliebte Seele
      loszukaufen; doch um der eigenen Not dieser frommen und geliebten Seele
      willen erlösen sie diese nicht aus freigeschenkter Liebe?
    85. Oder: Warum werden die
      kirchlichen Bußsatzungen, die "tatsächlich und durch
      Nichtgebrauch" an sich längst abgeschafft und tot sind, doch noch
      immer durch die Gewährung von Ablaß mit Geld abgelöst, als wären sie
      höchst lebendig?
    86. Oder: Warum baut der Papst,
      der heute reicher ist als der reichste Crassus, nicht wenigstens die eine
      Kirche St. Peter lieber von seinem eigenen Geld als dem der armen
      Gläubigen?
    87. Oder: Was erläßt der Papst
      oder woran gibt er denen Anteil, die durch vollkommene Reue ein Anrecht
      haben auf völligen Erlaß und völlige Teilhabe?
    88. Oder: Was könnte der Kirche
      Besseres geschehen, als wenn der Papst, wie er es (jetzt) einmal tut,
      hundertmal am Tage jedem Gläubigen diesen Erlaß und diese Teilhabe
      zukommen ließe?
    89. Wieso sucht der Papst durch
      den Ablaß das Heil der Seelen mehr als das Geld; warum hebt er früher
      gewährte Briefe und Ablässe jetzt auf, die doch ebenso wirksam sind?
    90. Diese äußerst peinlichen
      Einwände der Laien nur mit Gewalt zu unterdrücken und nicht durch
      vernünftige Gegenargumente zu beseitigen heißt, die Kirche und den Papst
      dem Gelächter der Feinde auszusetzen und die Christenheit unglücklich zu
      machen.
    91. Wenn daher der Ablaß dem
      Geiste und der Auffassung des Papstes gemäß gepredigt würde, lösten sich
      diese (Einwände) alle ohne weiteres auf, ja es gäbe sie überhaupt nicht.
    92. Darum weg mit allen jenen
      Propheten, die den Christen predigen: "Friede, Friede", und ist
      doch kein Friede.
    93. Wohl möge es gehen allen den
      Propheten, die den Christen predigen: "Kreuz, Kreuz", und ist
      doch kein Kreuz.
    94. Man soll die Christen
      ermutigen, daß sie ihrem Haupt Christus durch Strafen, Tod und Hölle
      nachzufolgen trachten
    95. und daß die lieber darauf
      trauen, durch viele Trübsale ins Himmelreich einzugehen, als sich in
      falscher geistlicher Sicherheit zu beruhigen.

  • Lukewarm Links

    Another batch so here goes...

    I love movies.  I can't even begin to count the number in my dvd and vhs collection.  This movie list is of 8 classic movies that got away with plot holes.  Now I have a problem with people on the imdb forums.  They don't know the difference between movie errors, factual errors and plot holes.  Well these are actual plot holes and I can't believe I never thought of these.

    Every once in a while, I sit down and try to watch the cartoons that today's kids love.  I don't get it.  Of course some of the kids' shows from my youth were pretty messed up.  Here are 7 Classic Kid's shows that were probably conceived on bad acid.  I loved Slim Goodbody but now as an older kid I think it is probably one of the most revolting things that was ever on tv.

    Who knew that action movies actually contained a message?  Well here are 5 action movies that are pure propaganda.  I think my favorite is Red Dawn.  I remember staying up one weekend in the 7th grade and I saw that movie on TBS and it blew my mind.  It inspired me to write short stories of a group of kids who called themselves the Badgers and fought Russians and Canadians and Iraqis.  Yeah I watched a lot of network news back in the day.

    This is one of those internet memes that I think is terrifying.  It's called manbabies.  I don't know how to describe other than have you look at it.  Manbabies gives me nightmares.

    I used to love hockey.  I grew out of it literally and yes I mean literally grew out of it because I could never find hockey skates large enough for my gargantuan feet.  Size 17 skates aren't readily available and they aren't worth the money for only skating a couple months a year.  Then the strikes hit and hockey wasn't my thing.  Well I have two hockey links.  First, hockey players aren't safe on wikipedia.  Second, all this Sarah Palin hysteria has injured a hockey player.  I can't find the article but it was on ESPN this morning: Sarah Palin's recent appearance at Philadelphia was to drop a puck before the start of the game.  Well so many people brought in Obama sigsn and also the boos were so loud that an employee of the Flyers played applause over the sound system but it was deafened out by the booing.  Hockey and politics apparently don't mix.

    HAHAHAHA LOL HAHAHAHA

    Do you enjoy zombie movies?  Do you like pin-up girls?  Do you like calendars?  Well here's a place where all three come together.  Zombie Pin-Up Girl Calendars.

    This is why I hate spiders.

    This is why I used to hate Homecoming Week event days

    This business is an actual business from back where I went to college and where I taught.  My first day of summer inservice, I walk into my office, the athletic office, and look at the refridgerator and saw a sticker for this business...The Turdologist.  It's true, he exists, and business is booming.

    Do you have bad news that you have to break to some one?  Do it with an email and a picture of a baby animal because who can resist a picture of a puppy when they are being told that you are cheating on them.

    Oh sweet Lord...this is the greatest website I have ever found...mmmmm Baconnaise....

    This guy has set up a blog about how he pranks craigslist ads.  This is some funny stuff.

    Plan on going trick or treating this year?  Do you have your loot bag picked out yet?  Well this website conducted a scientific experiement to see which is the best holder of the most candy.  The results are interesting.  The other experiments that he conducted are fun too.

    Now for the adult links:
    Playboy put up a quiz about Presidential Sex.  It definitely has some interesting facts.  Bet you won't think of Lyndon Johnson in the same light after answering the questions about him.

    I was looking up information about the new movie Nailin' Paylin and stumbled across the actual script.  I could not stop laughing while reading this.

    After Joe the Plumber became a household name, some porn site went and made a website called Dirty Joe the Plumber.  Nothing politcal about this site except the spoof of Fox news called Fuxx News. 

    Here is an adult spoof website.  It is dedicated to Sarah Palin and Erection 2008.  You know this stuff is honestly more entertaining than the actual politics.  The writing...it's so bad.  Hmmm I think I have a porn update coming up next week.

    Well that is it for this week.  I have one more entry tonight and then I may have my celebrity round up on Saturday this week.

  • Randomness on Devil's Night

    Devil's Night?  Anyone?  I know a few readers hail from Michigan.  I didn't do any shenanigans this evening.  I spent most of it curled up in the fetal position on my floor.  No school today because of teacher's conferences so I spent most of the day sleeping.  There is something about this time of year that makes me sleepy.  I remember a few years ago falling asleep before school started and waking up with like 2 minutes before I had to be at school.  I also remember a day in October when I was reading to my class and I fell asleep while I was reading.  Well enough about me.  Time to get random.

    The Minnesota Vikings will be debuting their new quarterback this weekend.  I hear they are getting him straight from Oxford University.

    That is a very fishy tattoo...

    I think they misspelled come

    Why that is Spanish for bargain.

    Wow, that is one miracle product!  Look at the last thing it does on the right.

    Oh, that's just a little difference, no one will notice.

    Open up and say aahhh?

    So is that the same thing as an eau de toillette?

    Hey, that's and awesome butterfly tattoo....wait a second!  I bet her parents are proud.

    How much you want to bet Big Tobacco had a hand in financing his campaigns?

    Can you find the hidden message here?

    Can you spot the gay guy?

    Well I have two more posts in me this evening.  The lukewarm links will be up soon.

  • Comic Capers

    OK today.  Feeling a little better.  I hate how those flue shots make you feel bad but of course it lessens the likelihood of influenza so I am all for that.  Has anyone out there had the real flu and not the stomach virus stuff that people commonly call flu?  See flu is a respiratory sickness nothing to do with the stomach.  If you have ever been tested for the flu it's a serious thing.  I had to be quarantined a few years ago because it was a possibility that I had it.  The test involved shoving a long q-tip of sorts up my nose to tickle my brain.  It was horrible.  Well enough about me.  I just wanted to apologize for my post yesterday.  I know it was long and all but it was something I wanted to post given the season.  I think the real rite of exorcism is far more scary than any movie.  Also calling my faith and values system "shit" is quite offensive to me.  I haven't been that ignorant to anyone and bashed their belief system.

    Bat Ape?  Seriously, Batman, make it easier on us and yourself, just let go!

    Clothing stuffed with straw and shooting lasers?  It would only be one shot before they set themselves on fire thus negating any plans of world domination.

    If Batman is that kid's father, then Howdy Doody must be the mother. 

    I wonder if Iron Man has the proper converters for travel in Europe.

    This is an Italian comic with the worst perspective in comic book history.  Look at the little house and to the left there are some horses.  WTF!  They must be on steroids or are mutants.

    No that isn't an exploding vagina but it makes me think that childbirth must be very very very painful.  Somewhere someone is getting off to this.

    Why is Batman asking for help?  He doesn't want to be anywhere near pussy.

    Insert gay joke here.

    Potato jackers?  Is that slang for Irish chronic masturbators?

    Punisher versus Santa's Elves...the writers are saying, "Merry Christmas, idiots."

    I bet she was trained by The Daredevil.

    Great, Rudy Guilliani is now drawing comics.

    Well I am out for tonight.  Oh quick question, did anyone watch the Barack Obama infomercial this evening?

  • Tuesday Motivational Entry

    I love little pussy,
    Her coat is so warm,
    And if I don't hurt her,
    She'll do me no harm.
    So I'll not pull her tail,
    Nor drive her away,
    But pussy and I,
    Very gently will play.

    History:

    This poem was first seen in 1830 and its popularity has it appearing
    in almost every nursery rhyme collection. The rhyme tells a child
    how to treat his/her pets gently.

    I like that poem.  I wish it were mine.  It was cold and windy today.  Tomorrow warm and gas prices will drop again.  My dad said the casino gas station was $2.45.  The Kwik Trip down a block from my house had it at $2.53 this afternoon.  It's all a ploy people and Big Oil wants you to vote McCain.

    Time for some motivational posters.





     

    I'll be back tomorrow.

  • Exorcism

    Since it is that time of the year, I'm going to post something that strikes fear in my heart, exorcism.  I live in a strange part of the country.  With the witch training camp nearby, the cattle mutilations for Satanic sacrifice, Ed Gein, the most witches in America, hodags, sasquatch, thunderbirds, Devil's Lake, the Devil's Hitching Post, Old Baraboo Inn, Circus World Museum(ok I also fear clowns).  It is crazy and this time of year it is at a boiling point.  There are certain roads I won't travel after dark in the fall.  One of my cousin's was a Catholic priest.  He talked briefly about performing an exorcism and how it changed him forever.  Exorcism has been one of those things that have fascinated me.  Now I have seen the Exorcist and firmly believe that demonic possesion occurs.  Of course it may not be as "glamourous" as portrayed on film but it exists.  A few years ago I came across a copy of the order of exorcism.  The Catholic Church today remains mum on exorcism.  There are priests that have been trained in just this order. I believe my cousin was trained as an exorcist and that lead to his early death.  He said the stress is incredible and the pain that you go through fighting a demon is nothing like you could ever imagine.  I don't have the book of the Roman Ritual but I do have the order of exorcism.  Reading through this gives me goosebumps and not the R.L. Stine vareity.  To know that this practice is still prevalent and according to one source is on the rise.  Over the past 5 years number of demonic possesion cases and exorcisms the church has performed has increased 7000%.  Here it is.


    Exorcism

    God's
    creature, oil, I cast out the demon from you by God the Father +
    almighty, who made heaven and earth and sea, and all that they contain.
    Let the adversary's power, the devil's legions, and all Satan's attacks
    and machinations be dispelled and driven afar from this creature, oil.
    Let it bring health in body and mind to all who use it, in the name of
    God + the Father almighty, and of our Lord Jesus + Christ, His Son, and
    of the Holy Spirit, the Advocate, as well as in the love of the same
    Jesus Christ our Lord, who is coming to judge both the living and the
    dead and the world by fire.
    All: Amen.
    P: Lord, heed my prayer.
    All: And let my cry be heard by you.

    P: The Lord be with you.

    All: May He also be with you.

     

    Let us pray.

    Lord
    God almighty, before whom the hosts of angels stand in awe, and whose
    heavenly service we acknowledge; may it please you to regard favorably
    and to bless + and hallow + this creature, oil, which by your power has
    been pressed from the juice of olives. You have ordained it for
    anointing the sick, so that, when they are made well, they may give
    thanks to you, the living and true God. Grant, we pray, that those who
    will use this oil, which we are blessing + in your name, may be
    delivered from all suffering, all infirmity, and all wiles of the
    enemy. Let it be a means of averting any kind of adversity from man,
    made in your image and redeemed by the precious blood of your Son, so
    that he may never again suffer the sting of the ancient serpent;
    through Christ our Lord.

    All: Amen.
    It is sprinkled with holy water.

     

     

    EXORCISM

    INTRODUCTION

     

    That
    there is a world of demons is a teaching of revealed religion which is
    perfectly clear to all who know Sacred Scripture and respect and accept
    its word as inspired of God. It is part of the whole Christian-Judaeo
    heritage. There are some who hold that even if revelation were not so
    absolute, an inference of the existence of evil spirits can be drawn
    from the magnitude of evil in the world. They say that human malice and
    depravity even at its worst is not sufficient to account for it, and it
    must be concluded that the devil is a real person and that his sway is
    tremendous. As Francois Mauriac writes in his life of St. Margaret of
    Cortona: "Evil is Someone, Someone who is multiple and whose name is
    legion.... It is one thing to be in the realm of the demons, as we all
    are when we have lost the state of grace, and quite another to be held
    and surrounded, literally possessed by him."

    One
    gets the impression that the teaching about the devil's existence is
    not a particularly popular one in our time. C. S. Lewis in his
    "Screwtape Letters" says something to the effect that if the little
    inexperienced novice devils, about to start out on their work of
    seducing men, can convince men that the devil does not exist, then half
    the battle is already won.

    The
    first book of the Holy Bible recounts the seduction of Adam and Eve by
    the Prince of Darkness; but it is to the last book that we must go for
    his origin. "Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels had
    to fight the dragon; the dragon fought, and so did his angels. But they
    were defeated, and a place was no longer found for them in heaven. That
    huge dragon, the ancient serpent, was hurled down, he who is called the
    devil and Satan, he who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled
    down to death, and his angels were hurled down with him."[1]

    Christ
    our Lord overcame Satan on the cross, and ever since the latter's
    empire is shaken. Man is delivered from the power of darkness and
    transferred to the kingdom of the Son. Yet the devil is not completely
    vanquished or trodden underfoot once for all, and the warfare against
    him is carried out by Christ and His Church until the end of time.
    Therefore,
    St. Paul
    is prompted to admonish us: "Put on all the armor that God has forged,
    that you may be able to make a stand against the devil's cunning
    tricks. Our wrestling is not against weak human nature, but against the

    Principalities
    and the Powers, against those that rule the world of darkness, the
    wicked spirits that belong to an order higher than ours.... With all
    this take up the shield of faith, with which you will be enabled to put
    out all the flaming arrows of the wicked enemy."[2]

    Against
    these unclean spirits the Church uses as her weapons prayers,
    blessings, holy water, and other sacramentals to combat the ordinary
    power that the former wield over men. But apart from this ordinary and
    general power that
    Providence
    allows Satan there is also a special and terrible satanic influence
    called possession--the domination by the demon over man's bodily organs
    and his lower spiritual faculties. In later Christian times the term
    obsession is used instead of possession, the former connoting a lesser
    kind of demonic disturbance. That Christ reckoned with this satanic
    power in the same way that the Church has throughout her centuries is
    evident from the New Testament; see for example Mt 9.32-34, Lk 8.2, Mk
    9.13 ff.

    To
    be possessed can mean that Satan has gained mastery over the will so
    devastatingly that sinfulness passes beyond ordinary depravity in the
    world, and its cause must be sought in a power above the order of
    nature. To be possessed can mean that Satan has beclouded the
    intellect, so that the light of faith cannot illuminate it. To be
    possessed can mean that Satan has befuddled a person's reason; in fact,
    simple and superstitious folk have wrongly made lunacy synonymous with
    diabolical infestation. In some instances of possession recounted in
    the New Testament, molestation by the devil is manifested in various
    disturbances of the human body itself, where he has gained control over
    a man's sight, hearing, speech, or the physical organism in general.[3]

    Christ
    handed down to the Church the power He once exercised over demons. The
    early Christians were deeply influenced by what they had learned of
    their Master's dealing with evil spirits, and there was on their part
    frequent use of the charismatic gifts of healing the sick and driving
    out devils. But the prayers and forms used for exorcism in the first
    centuries have not come down to us, outside the ones used in baptism.
    Exorcism became part of the baptismal rite somewhere around 200 A.D.
    Thus the ancient liturgical records which date from the third century
    those dealing with baptism, give us the early Christians' belief about
    Satan and his intervention in the affairs of man. In the devil's hatred
    for God he turned on man, who is made in God's image. In consequence of
    original sin men are no longer temples of the Holy Spirit but rather
    the habitations of the demon. Not too much distinction is made between
    the possessed and the unbaptized. Isidore of Seville puts both on the
    same level, and says that exorcism is the ceremony of banishing the
    most wicked influence of the devil from catechumens and possessed
    alike.[4]

    It
    is difficult to fix precisely the time of origin of a special rite for
    exorcism. The evidence would indicate that in the early Church acts of
    exorcism consisted mainly in the sign of the cross, invoking the name
    of Jesus, and renunciations of Satan and adjurations and threats
    uttered against him. But later on, especially in the Latin Church, the
    rites of exorcism become more and more numerous, until in the highly
    imaginative Middle Ages there is actually a profusion of them. To this
    period we must attribute beliefs and practices which are superstitious
    to an extreme. Devils are believed to exist in the guise of certain
    material bodies. Demonic possession is confounded with epilepsy and
    other mental or psychic disorders. Rituals of this time prescribe that
    the subject remain in the presence of the exorcist throughout the
    period of exorcism, that he observe a strict fast and limit his diet to
    blessed water, salt, and vegetables, that he wear new clothes, that he
    abstain from the marital act. No less complicated are the injunctions
    for the exorcist. And by the time we come to the fourteenth century
    magical practices have been introduced into the ceremonies.

    No
    doubt the present rite for exorcism will undergo improvement and
    revision along with the general revision of the liturgical books
    recommended by Vatican Council II. But compared to former times the
    rite as given in the Roman Ritual today is characterized by great
    sobriety. Some minds might still discern traces of a certain naivete,
    yet at any rate it has been purged of the unfortunate accretions of a
    period ruled much more by human credulity than by the unadulterated
    doctrine of the Church. No longer, for example, does the official text
    afford any grounds for the erroneous notion that diabolical possession
    is necessarily a divine retribution visited upon a grievous sinner. God
    allows this terrible evil in His wisdom without the afflicted person
    being necessarily at fault. It is one thing to have fallen into the
    slavery of sin or to be afflicted with a bodily or mental infirmity,
    and quite another to have the devil enter into a man and take
    possession of him.

    The
    general rules for exorcism that follow are a clear indication that we
    have come a long way from the superstitious notions that prevailed in
    the era of the Middle Ages. Noteworthy among these rules are the ones
    that direct that the parties concerned should have recourse to the holy
    sacraments, and that the sacred words of Holy Writ should be employed
    rather than any forms devised by the exorcist or someone else. The
    instructions given below indicate that the Church has carefully guarded
    the extraordinary power over Satan committed to her by Christ, and that
    Catholic exorcism is poles removed from any form of dabbling in the
    spirit world which springs from human chicanery or malice.

     

    CHAPTER I: GENERAL RULES CONCERNING EXORCISM

    1.
    A priest--one who is expressly and particularly authorized by the
    Ordinary--when he intends to perform an exorcism over persons tormented
    by the devil, must be properly distinguished for his piety, prudence,
    and integrity of life. He should fulfill this devout undertaking in all
    constancy and humility, being utterly immune to any striving for human
    aggrandizement, and relying, not on his own, but on the divine power.
    Moreover, he ought to be of mature years, and revered not alone for his
    office but for his moral qualities.

    2.
    In order to exercise his ministry rightly, he should resort to a great
    deal more study of the matter (which has to be passed over here for the
    sake of brevity), by examining approved authors and cases from
    experience; on the other hand, let him carefully observe the few more
    important points enumerated here.

    3.
    Especially, he should not believe too readily that a person is
    possessed by an evil spirit; but he ought to ascertain the signs by
    which a person possessed can be distinguished from one who is suffering
    from some illness, especially one of a psychological nature.[1] Signs
    of possession may be the following: ability to speak with some facility
    in a strange tongue or to understand it when spoken by another; the
    faculty of divulging future and hidden events; display of powers which
    are beyond the subject's age and natural condition; and various other
    indications which, when taken together as a whole, build up the
    evidence.

    4.
    In order to understand these matters better, let him inquire of the
    person possessed, following one or the other act of exorcism, what the
    latter experienced in his body or soul while the exorcism was being
    performed, and to learn also what particular words in the form had a
    more intimidating effect upon the devil, so that hereafter these words
    may be employed with greater stress and frequency.

    5.
    He will be on his guard against the arts and subterfuges which the evil
    spirits are wont to use in deceiving the exorcist. For oft times they
    give deceptive answers and make it difficult to understand them, so
    that the exorcist might tire and give up, or so it might appear that
    the afflicted one is in no wise possessed by the devil.

    6.
    Once in a while, after they are already recognized, they conceal
    themselves and leave the body practically free from every molestation,
    so that the victim believes himself completely delivered. Yet the
    exorcist may not desist until he sees the signs of deliverance.

    7.
    At times, moreover, the evil spirits place whatever obstacles they can
    in the way, so that the patient may not submit to exorcism, or they try
    to convince him that his affliction is a natural one. Meanwhile, during
    the exorcism, they cause him to fall asleep, and dangle some illusion
    before him, while they seclude themselves, so that the afflicted one
    appears to be freed.

    8.
    Some reveal a crime which has been committed and the perpetrators
    thereof, as well as the means of putting an end to it. Yet the
    afflicted person must beware of having recourse on this account to
    sorcerers or necromancers or to any parties except the ministers of the
    Church, or of making use of any superstitious or forbidden practice.

    9.
    Sometimes the devil will leave the possessed person in peace and even
    allow him to receive the holy Eucharist, to make it appear that he has
    departed. In fact, the arts and frauds of the evil one for deceiving a
    man are innumerable. For this reason the exorcist must be on his guard
    not to fall into this trap.

    10.
    Therefore, he will be mindful of the words of our Lord (Mt 17.20), to
    the effect that there is a certain type of evil spirit who cannot be
    driven out except by prayer and fasting. Therefore let him avail
    himself of these two means above all for imploring the divine
    assistance in expelling demons, after the example of the holy fathers;
    and not only himself, but let him induce others, as far as possible, to
    do the same.

    11.
    If it can be done conveniently the possessed person should be led to
    church or to some other sacred and worthy place, where the exorcism
    will be held, away from the crowd. But if the person is ill, or for any
    valid reason, the exorcism may take place in a private home.

    12.
    The subject, if in good mental and physical health, should be exhorted
    to implore God's help, to fast, and to fortify himself by frequent
    reception of penance and holy communion, at the discretion of the
    priest. And in the course of the exorcism he should be fully
    recollected, with his intention fixed on God, whom he should entreat
    with firm faith and in all humility. And if he is all the more
    grievously tormented, he ought to bear this patiently, never doubting
    the divine assistance.

    13.
    He ought to have a crucifix at hand or somewhere in sight. If relics of
    the saints are available, they are to be applied in a reverent way to
    the breast or the head of the person possessed (the relics must be
    properly and securely encased and covered). One will see to it that
    these sacred objects are not treated improperly or that no injury is
    done them by the evil spirit. However, one should not hold the holy
    Eucharist over the head of the person or in any way apply it to his
    body, owing to the danger of desecration.

    14.
    The exorcist must not digress into senseless prattle nor ask
    superfluous questions or such as are prompted by curiosity,
    particularly if they pertain to future and hidden matters, all of which
    have nothing to do with his office. Instead, he will bid the unclean
    spirit keep silence and answer only when asked. Neither ought he to
    give any credence to the devil if the latter maintains that he is the
    spirit of some saint or of a deceased party, or even claims to be a
    good angel.

    15.
    But necessary questions are, for example: the number and name of the
    spirits inhabiting the patient, the time when they entered into him,
    the cause thereof, and the like. As for all jesting, laughing, and
    nonsense on the part of the evil spirit--the exorcist should prevent it
    or contemn it, and he will exhort the bystanders (whose number must be
    very limited) to pay no attention to such goings on; neither are they
    to put any question to the subject. Rather they should intercede for
    him to God in all humility and urgency.

    16.
    Let the priest pronounce the exorcism in a commanding and authoritative
    voice, and at the same time with great confidence, humility, and
    fervor; and when he sees that the spirit is sorely vexed, then he
    oppresses and threatens all the more. If he notices that the person
    afflicted is experiencing a disturbance in some part of his body or an
    acute pain or a swelling appears in some part, he traces the sign of
    the cross over that place and sprinkles it with holy water, which he
    must have at hand for this purpose.

    17.
    He will pay attention as to what words in particular cause the evil
    spirits to tremble, repeating them the more frequently. And when he
    comes to a threatening expression, he recurs to it again and again,
    always increasing the punishment. If he perceives that he is making
    progress, let him persist for two, three, four hours, and longer if he
    can, until victory is attained.

    18.
    The exorcist should guard against giving or recommending any medicine
    to the patient, but should leave this care to physicians.

    19.
    While performing the exorcism over a woman, he ought always to have
    assisting him several women of good repute, who will hold on to the
    person when she is harassed by the evil spirit. These assistants ought
    if possible to be close relatives of the subject and for the sake of
    decency the exorcist will avoid saying or doing anything which might
    prove an occasion of evil thoughts to himself or to the others.

    20.
    During the exorcism he shall preferably employ words from Holy Writ,
    rather than forms of his own or of someone else. He shall, moreover,
    command the devil to tell whether he is detained in that body by
    necromancy, by evil signs or amulets; and if the one possessed has
    taken the latter by mouth, he should be made to vomit them; if he has
    them concealed on his person, he should expose them; and when
    discovered they must be burned. Moreover, the person should be exhorted
    to reveal all his temptations to the exorcist.

    21.
    Finally, after the possessed one has been freed, let him be admonished
    to guard himself carefully against falling into sin, so as to afford no
    opportunity to the evil spirit of returning, lest the last state of
    that man become worse than the former.

     

    CHAPTER II: RITE FOR EXORCISM

    1.
    The priest delegated by the Ordinary to perform this office should
    first go to confession or at least elicit an act of contrition, and, if
    convenient, offer the holy Sacrifice of the Mass, and implore God's
    help in other fervent prayers. He vests in surplice and purple stole.
    Having before him the person possessed (who should be bound if there is
    any danger), he traces the sign of the cross over him, over himself,
    and the bystanders, and then sprinkles all of them with holy water.
    After this he kneels and says the Litany of the Saints, exclusive of
    the prayers which follow it. All present are to make the responses. At
    the end of the litany he adds the following:

    Antiphon:
    Do not keep in mind, O Lord, our offenses or those of our parents, nor
    take vengeance on our sins. Our Father (the rest inaudibly until:)

    P: And lead us not into temptation.

    All: But deliver us from evil.

     

    Psalm 53

    After the psalm the priest continues:

    P: Save your servant.

    All: Who trusts in you, my God.

    P: Let him (her) find in you, Lord, a fortified tower.

    All: In the face of the enemy.

    P: Let the enemy have no power over him (her).

    All: And the son of iniquity be powerless to harm him (her).Lord, send him (her) aid from your holy place.

    All: And watch over him (her) from Sion.

    P: Lord, heed my prayer.

    All: And let my cry be heard by you.

    P: The Lord be with you.

    All: May He also be with you.

     

    Let us pray.

    God,
    whose nature is ever merciful and forgiving, accept our prayer that
    this servant of yours, bound by the fetters of sin, may be pardoned by
    your loving kindness.

     

    Holy
    Lord, almighty Father, everlasting God and Father of our Lord Jesus
    Christ, who once and for all consigned that fallen and apostate tyrant
    to the flames of hell, who sent your only-begotten Son into the world
    to crush that roaring lion; hasten to our call for help and snatch from
    ruination and from the clutches of the noonday devil this human being
    made in your image and likeness. Strike terror, Lord, into the beast
    now laying waste your vineyard. Fill your servants with courage to
    fight manfully against that reprobate dragon, lest he despise those who
    put their trust in you, and say with Pharaoh of old: "I know not God,
    nor will I set
    Israel
    free." Let your mighty hand cast him out of your servant, N., + so he
    may no longer hold captive this person whom it pleased you to make in
    your image, and to redeem through your Son; who lives and reigns with
    you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, forever and ever.

    All: Amen.

     

    2. Then he commands the demon as follows:

    I
    command you, unclean spirit, whoever you are, along with all your
    minions now attacking this servant of God, by the mysteries of the
    incarnation, passion, resurrection, and ascension of our Lord Jesus
    Christ, by the descent of the Holy Spirit, by the coming of our Lord
    for judgment, that you tell me by some sign your name, and the day and
    hour of your departure. I command you, moveover, to obey me to the
    letter, I who am a minister of God despite my unworthiness; nor shall
    you be emboldened to harm in any way this creature of God, or the
    bystanders, or any of their possessions.

    3. Next he reads over the possessed person these selections from the Gospel, or at least one of them.

    A Lesson from the holy Gospel according to St. John

    John 1.1-14

    As he says these opening words he signs himself and the possessed on the brow, lips, and breast.

    A Lesson from the holy Gospel according to St. Mark

    Mark 16.15-18

    At
    that time Jesus said to His disciples: "Go into the whole world and
    preach the Gospel to all creation. He that believes and is baptized
    will be saved; he that does not believe will be condemned. And in the
    way of proofs of their claims, the following will accompany those who
    believe: in my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new
    tongues; they will take up serpents in their hands, and if they drink
    something deadly, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on
    the sick, and these will recover."

    A Lesson from the holy Gospel according to St. Luke

    Luke 10.17-20

    At
    that time the seventy-two returned in high spirits. "Master," they
    said, "even the demons are subject to us because we use your name!"
    "Yes," He said to them, "I was watching Satan fall like lightning that
    flashes from heaven. But mind: it is I that have given you the power to
    tread upon serpents and scorpions, and break the dominion of the enemy
    everywhere; nothing at all can injure you. Just the same, do not
    rejoice in the fact that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice in
    the fact that your names are engraved in heaven."

    A Lesson from the holy Gospel according to St. Luke

    Luke 11.14-22

    At
    that time Jesus was driving out a demon, and this particular demon was
    dumb. The demon was driven out, the dumb man spoke, and the crowds were
    enraptured. But some among the people remarked: "He is a tool of
    Beelzebul, and that is how he drives out demons!" Another group,
    intending to test Him, demanded of Him a proof of His claims, to be
    shown in the sky. He knew their inmost thoughts. "Any kingdom torn by
    civil strife," He said to them, "is laid in ruins; and house tumbles
    upon house. So, too, if Satan is in revolt against himself, how can his
    kingdom last, since you say that I drive out demons as a tool of
    Beelzebul. And furthermore: if I drive out demons as a tool of
    Beelzebul, whose tools are your pupils when they do the driving out?
    Therefore, judged by them, you must stand condemned. But, if, on the
    contrary, I drive out demons by the finger of God, then, evidently the
    kingdom of God
    has by this time made its way to you. As long as a mighty lord in full
    armor guards his premises, he is in peaceful possession of his
    property; but should one mightier than he attack and overcome him, he
    will strip him of his armor, on which he had relied, and distribute the
    spoils taken from him."

    P: Lord, heed my prayer.

    All: And let my cry be heard by you.

    P: The Lord be with you.

    All: May He also be with you.

    Let us pray.

    Almighty
    Lord, Word of God the Father, Jesus Christ, God and Lord of all
    creation; who gave to your holy apostles the power to tramp underfoot
    serpents and scorpions; who along with the other mandates to work
    miracles was pleased to grant them the authority to say: "Depart, you
    devils!" and by whose might Satan was made to fall from heaven like
    lightning; I humbly call on your holy name in fear and trembling,
    asking that you grant me, your unworthy servant, pardon for all my
    sins, steadfast faith, and the power--supported by your mighty arm--to
    confront with confidence and resolution this cruel demon. I ask this
    through you, Jesus Christ, our Lord and God, who are coming to judge
    both the living and the dead and the world by fire.

    All: Amen.

    4.
    Next he makes the sign of the cross over himself and the one possessed,
    places the end of the stole on the latter's neck, and, putting his
    right hand on the latter's head, he says the following in accents
    filled with confidence and faith:

    P: See the cross of the Lord; begone, you hostile powers!

    All: The stem of David, the lion of Juda's tribe has conquered.

    P: Lord, heed my prayer.

    All: And let my cry be heard by you.

    P: The Lord be with you.

    All: May He also be with you.

     

    Let us pray.

    God
    and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, I appeal to your holy name, humbly
    begging your kindness, that you graciously grant me help against this
    and every unclean spirit now tormenting this creature of yours; through
    Christ our Lord.

    All: Amen.

     

     

    Exorcism

    I
    cast you out, unclean spirit, along with every satanic power of the
    enemy, every spectre from hell, and all your fell companions; in the
    name of our Lord Jesus + Christ Begone and stay far from this creature
    of God. + For it is He who commands you, He who flung you headlong from
    the heights of heaven into the depths of hell. It is He who commands
    you, He who once stilled the sea and the wind and the storm. Hearken,
    therefore, and tremble in fear, Satan, you enemy of the faith, you foe
    of the human race, you begetter of death, you robber of life, you
    corrupter of justice, you root of all evil and vice? seducer of men,
    betrayer of the nations, instigator of envy, font of avarice, fomentor
    of discord, author of pain and sorrow. Why, then, do you stand and
    resist, knowing as you must that Christ the Lord brings your plans to
    nothing? Fear Him, who in Isaac was offered in sacrifice, in Joseph
    sold into bondage, slain as the paschal lamb, crucified as man, yet
    triumphed over the powers of hell. (The three signs of the cross which
    follow are traced on the brow of the possessed person). Begone, then,
    in the name of the Father, + and of the Son, + and of theHoly + Spirit.
    Give place to the Holy Spirit by this sign of the holy + cross of our
    Lord Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with the Father and the Holy
    Spirit, God, forever and ever.

    All: Amen.

    P: Lord, heed my prayer.

    All: And let my cry be heard by you.

    P: The Lord be with you.

    All: May He also be with you.

     

    Let us pray.

    God,
    Creator and defender of the human race, who made man in your own image,
    look down in pity on this your servant, N., now in the toils of the
    unclean spirit, now caught up in the fearsome threats of man's ancient
    enemy, sworn foe of our race, who befuddles and stupefies the human
    mind, throws it into terror, overwhelms it with fear and panic. Repel,
    O Lord, the devil's power, break asunder his snares and traps, put the
    unholy tempter to flight. By the sign + (on the brow) of your name, let
    your servant be protected in mind and body. (The three crosses which
    follow are traced on the breast of the possessed person). Keep watch
    over the inmost recesses of his (her) + heart; rule over his (her) +
    emotions; strengthen his (her) + will. Let vanish from his (her) soul
    the temptings of the mighty adversary. Graciously grant, O Lord, as we
    call on your holy name, that the evil spirit, who hitherto terrorized
    over us, may himself retreat in terror and defeat, so that this servant
    of yours may sincerely and steadfastly render you the service which is
    your due; through Christ our Lord.

    All: Amen.

     

    Exorcism

    I
    adjure you, ancient serpent, by the judge of the living and the dead,
    by your Creator, by the Creator of the whole universe, by Him who has
    the power to consign you to hell, to depart forthwith in fear, along
    with your savage minions, from this servant of God, N., who seeks
    refuge in the fold of the Church. I adjure you again, + (on the brow)
    not by my weakness but by the might of the Holy Spirit, to depart from
    this servant of God, N., whom almighty God has made in His image.
    Yield, therefore, yield not to my own person but to the minister of
    Christ. For it is the power of Christ that compels you, who brought you
    low by His cross. Tremble before that mighty arm that broke asunder the
    dark prison walls and led souls forth to light. May the trembling that
    afflicts this human frame, + (on the breast) the fear that afflicts
    this image (on the brow) of God, descend on you. Make no resistance nor
    delay in departing from this man, for it has pleased Christ to dwell in
    man. Do not think of despising my command because you know me to be a
    great sinner. It is God + Himself who commands you; the majestic Christ
    + who commands you. God the Father + commands you; God the Son +
    commands you; God the Holy + Spirit commands you. The mystery of the
    cross commands + you. The faith of the holy apostles Peter and Paul and
    of all the saints commands + you. The blood of the martyrs commands +
    you. The continence of the confessors commands + you. The devout
    prayers of all holy men and women command + you. The saving mysteries
    of our Christian faith command + you.

    Depart,
    then, transgressor. Depart, seducer, full of lies and cunning, foe of
    virtue, persecutor of the innocent. Give place, abominable creature,
    give way, you monster, give way to Christ, in whom you found none of
    your works. For He has already stripped you of your powers and laid
    waste your kingdom, bound you prisoner and plundered your weapons. He
    has cast you forth into the outer darkness, where everlasting ruin
    awaits you and your abettors. To what purpose do you insolently resist?
    To what purpose do you brazenly refuse? For you are guilty before
    almighty God, whose laws you have transgressed. You are guilty before
    His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, whom you presumed to tempt, whom you
    dared to nail to the cross. You are guilty before the who]e human race,
    to whom you proferred by your enticements the poisoned cup of death.

     

    Therefore,
    I adjure you, profligate dragon, in the name of the spotless + Lamb,
    who has trodden down the asp and the basilisk, and overcome the lion
    and the dragon, to depart from this man (woman) + (on the brow), to
    depart from the
    Church of God
    + (signing the bystanders). Tremble and flee, as we call on the name of
    the Lord, before whom the denizens of hell cower, to whom the heavenly
    Virtues and Powers and Dominations are subject, whom the Cherubim and
    Seraphim praise with unending cries as they sing: Holy, holy, holy,
    Lord God of Sabaoth. The Word made flesh + commands you; the Virgin's
    Son + commands you; Jesus + of Nazareth commands you, who once, when
    you despised His disciples, forced you to flee in shameful defeat from
    a man; and when He had cast you out you did not even dare, except by
    His leave, to enter into a herd of swine. And now as I adjure you in
    His + name, begone from this man (woman) who is His creature. It is
    futile to resist His + will. It is hard for you to kick against the +
    goad. The longer you delay, the heavier your punishment shall be; for
    it is not men you are contemning, but rather Him who rules the living
    and the dead, who is coming to judge both the living and the dead and
    the world by fire.

    All: Amen.

     

    P: Lord, heed my prayer.

    All: And let my cry be heard by you.

    P: The Lord be with you.

    All: May He also be with you.

     

    Let us pray.

    God
    of heaven and earth, God of the angels and archangels, God of the
    prophets and apostles, God of the martyrs and virgins, God who have
    power to bestow life after death and rest after toil; for there is no
    other God than you, nor can there be another true God beside you, the
    Creator of heaven and earth, who are truly a King, whose kingdom is
    without end; I humbly entreat your glorious majesty to deliver this
    servant of yours from the unclean spirits; through Christ our Lord.

    All: Amen.

     

    Exorcism

    Therefore,
    I adjure you every unclean spirit, every spectre from hell, every
    satanic power, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, who was led
    into the desert after His baptism by John to vanquish you in your
    citadel, to cease your assaults against the creature whom He has formed
    from the slime of the earth for His own honor and glory; to quail
    before wretched man, seeing in him the image of almighty God, rather
    than his state of human frailty. Yield then to God, + who by His
    servant, Moses, cast you and your malice, in the person of Pharaoh and
    his army, into the depths of the sea. Yield to God, + who, by the
    singing of holy canticles on the part of David, His faithful servant,
    banished you from the heart of King Saul. Yield to God, + who condemned
    you in the person of Judas Iscariot, the traitor. For He now flails you
    with His divine scourges, + He in whose sight you and your legions once
    cried out: "What have we to do with you, Jesus, Son of the Most High
    God? Have you come to torture us before the time?" Now He is driving
    you back into the everlasting fire, He who at the end of time will say
    to the wicked: "Depart from me, you accursed, into the everlasting fire
    which has been prepared for the devil and his angels." For you, O evil
    one, and for your followers there will be worms that never die. An
    unquenchable fire stands ready for you and for your minions, you prince
    of accursed murderers, father of lechery, instigator of sacrileges,
    model of vileness, promoter of heresies, inventor of every obscenity.  Depart,
    then, + impious one, depart, + accursed one, depart with all your
    deceits, for God has willed that man should be His temple. Why do you
    still linger here? Give honor to God the Father + almighty, before whom
    every knee must bow. Give place to the Lord Jesus + Christ, who shed
    His most precious blood for man. Give place to the Holy + Spirit, who
    by His blessed apostle Peter openly struck you down in the person of
    Simon Magus; who cursed your lies in Annas and Saphira; who smote you
    in King Herod because he had not given honor to God; who by His apostle
    Paul afflicted you with the night of blindness in the magician Elyma,
    and by the mouth of the same apostle bade you to go out of Pythonissa,
    the soothsayer. Begone, + now! Begone, + seducer! Your place is in
    solitude; your abode is in the nest of serpents; get down and crawl
    with them. This matter brooks no delay; for see, the Lord, the ruler
    comes quickly, kindling fire before Him, and it will run on ahead of
    Him and encompass His enemies in flames. You might delude man, but God
    you cannot mock. It is He who casts you out, from whose sight nothing
    is hidden. It is He who repels you, to whose might all things are
    subject. It is He who expels you, He who has prepared everlasting
    hellfire for you and your angels, from whose mouth shall come a sharp
    sword, who is coming to judge both the living and the dead and the
    world by fire.

    All: Amen.

     

    5. All the above may be repeated as long as necessary, until the one possessed has been fully freed.

    6.
    It will also help to say devoutly and often over the afflicted person
    the Our Father, Hail Mary, and the Creed, as well as any of the prayers
    given below.

    7. The Canticle of our Lady, with the doxology; the Canticle of Zachary, with the doxology.

     

    Athanasian Creed

    P: Whoever wills to be saved * must before all else hold fast to the Catholic faith.

    All: Unless one keeps this faith whole and untarnished, * without doubt he will perish forever.

    P: Now this is the Catholic faith: * that we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in unity;

    All: Neither confusing the Persons one with the other, * nor making a distinction in their nature.

    P: For the Father is a distinct Person; and so is the Son, * and so is the Holy Spirit.

    All: Yet the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit possess one Godhead, * co-equal glory, co-eternal majesty.

    P: As the Father is, so is the Son, * so also is the Holy Spirit.

    All: The Father is uncreated, the Son is uncreated, * the Holy Spirit is uncreated.

    P: The Father is infinite, the Son is infinite, * the Holy Spirit is infinite.

    All: The Father is eternal, the Son is eternal, * the Holy Spirit is eternal.

    P: Yet they are not three eternals, * but one eternal God.

    All: Even as they are not three uncreated, or three infinites, * but one uncreated and one infinite God.

    P: So likewise the Father is almighty, the Son is almighty, * the Holy Spirit is almighty.

    All: Yet they are not three almighties, * but they are the one Almighty.

    P: Thus the Father is God, the Son is God, * the Holy Spirit is God.

    All: Yet they are not three gods, * but one God.

    P: Thus the Father is Lord, the Son is Lord, * the Holy Spirit is Lord.

    All: Yet there are not three lords, * but one Lord.

    P:
    For just as Christian truth compels us to profess that each Person is
    individually God and Lord, * so does the Catholic religion forbid us to
    hold that there are three gods or lords.

    All: The Father was not made by any power; * He was neither created nor begotten.

    P: The Son is from the Father alone, * neither created nor made, but begotten.

    All: The Holy Spirit is from the Father and the Son, * neither made nor created nor begotten, but He proceeds.

    P: So there is one Father, not three; one Son, not three; * one Holy Spirit, not three.

    All:
    And in this Trinity one Person is not earlier or later, nor is one
    greater or less; * but all three Persons are co-eternal and co-equal.

    P: In every way, then, as already affirmed, * unity in Trinity and Trinity in unity is to be worshipped.

    All: Whoever, then, wills to be saved * must assent to this doctrine of the Blessed Trinity.

    P: But it is necessary for everlasting salvation * that one also firmly believe in the incarnation of our Lord Jesus Christ.

    All: True faith, then, requires us to believe and profess * that our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is both God and man.

    P: He is God, begotten of the substance of the Father from eternity; * He is man, born in time of the substance of His Mother.

    All: He is perfect God, and perfect man * subsisting in a rational soul and a human body.

    P: He is equal to the Father in His divine nature, * but less than the Father in His human nature as such.

    All: And though He is God and man, * yet He is the one Christ, not two;

    P:
    One, however, not by any change of divinity into flesh, * but by the
    act of God assuming a human nature. All: He is one only, not by a
    mixture of substance, * but by the oneness of His Person.

    P: For, somewhat as the rational soul and the body compose one man, * so Christ is one Person who is both God and man;

    All: Who suffered for our salvation, who descended into hell, * who rose again the third day from the dead;

    P:
    Who ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father
    almighty, * from there He shall come to judge both the living and the
    dead.

    All: At His coming all men shall rise again in their bodies, * and shall give an account of their works.

    P: And those who have done good shall enter into everlasting life, * but those who have done evil into ever lasting fire.

    All: All this is Catholic faith, * and unless one believes it truly and firmly one cannot be saved.

    P: Glory be to the Father

    All: As it was in the beginning.

    {Here
    follow a large number of psalms which may be used at the exorcist's
    discretion but are not a necessary part of the rite. Some of them occur
    in other parts of the Ritual and are so indicated; the others may be
    taken from the Psalter. Psalm 90; psalm 67; psalm 69; psalm 53; psalm
    117; psalm 34; psalm 30; psalm 21, psalm 3; psalm 10; psalm 12.

     

    Prayer Following Deliverance

    Almighty
    God, we beg you to keep the evil spirit from further molesting this
    servant of yours, and to keep him far away, never to return. At your
    command, O Lord, may the goodness and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ,
    our Redeemer, take possession of this man(woman). May we no longer fear
    any evil since the Lord is with us; who lives and reigns with you, in
    the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, forever and ever.

    All: Amen.

     

    CHAPTER III: EXORCISM OF SATAN AND THE FALLEN ANGELS

    {Whereas
    the preceding rite of exorcism is designated for a particular person,
    the present one is for general use--to combat the power of the evil
    spirits over a community or locality.}

     

    The following exorcism can be used by bishops, as well as by  priests who have this authorization from their Ordinary.

    In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

     

    Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel

    St. Michael the Archangel,
    illustrious leader of the heavenly army, defend us in the battle
    against principalities and powers, against the rulers of the world of
    darkness and the spirit of wickedness in high places. Come to the
    rescue of mankind, whom God has made in His own image and likeness, and
    purchased from Satan's tyranny at so great a price.
    Holy Church
    venerates you as her patron and guardian. The Lord has entrusted to you
    the task of leading the souls of the redeemed to heavenly blessedness.
    Entreat the Lord of peace to cast Satan down under our feet, so as to
    keep him from further holding man captive and doing harm to the Church.
    Carry our prayers up to God's throne, that the mercy of the Lord may
    quickly come and lay hold of the beast, the serpent of old, Satan and
    his demons, casting him in chains into the abyss, so that he can no
    longer seduce the nations.

     

     

    Exorcism

    In
    the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and God, by the intercession of
    Mary, spotless Virgin and Mother of God, of St. Michael the Archangel,
    of the blessed apostles Peter and Paul, and of all the saints, and by
    the authority residing in our holy ministry, we steadfastly proceed to
    combat the onslaught of the wily enemy.

     

    Psalm 67

    P: God arises; His enemies are scattered, * and those who hate Him flee before Him.

    All: As smoke is driven away, so are they driven; * as wax melts before the fire, so the wicked perish before God.

    P: See the cross of the Lord; begone, you hostile powers!

    All: The stem of David, the lion of Juda's tribe has conquered.

    P: May your mercy, Lord, remain with us always.

    All: For we put our whole trust in you.

     

    We
    cast you out, every unclean spirit, every satanic power, every
    onslaught of the infernal adversary, every legion, every diabolical
    group and sect, in the name and by the power of our Lord Jesus +
    Christ. We command you, begone and fly far from the
    Church of God,
    from the souls made by God in His image and redeemed by the precious
    blood of the divine Lamb. + No longer dare, cunning serpent, to deceive
    the human race, to persecute God's Church, to strike God's elect and to
    sift them as wheat. + For the Most High God commands you, + He to whom
    you once proudly presumed yourself equal; He who wills all men to be
    saved and come to the knowledge of truth. God the Father + commands
    you. God the Son + commands you. God the Holy + Spirit commands you.
    Christ, the eternal Word of God made flesh, commands you, who humbled
    Himself, becoming obedient even unto death, to save our race from the
    perdition wrought by your envy; who founded His Church upon a firm
    rock, declaring that the gates of hell should never prevail against
    her, and that He would remain with her all days, even to the end of the
    world. The sacred mystery of the cross + commands you, along with the
    power of all mysteries of Christian faith. + The exalted Virgin Mary,
    Mother of God, + commands you, who in her lowliness crushed your proud
    head from the first moment of her Immaculate Conception. The faith of
    the holy apostles Peter and Paul and the other apostles + commands you.
    The blood of martyrs and the devout prayers of all holy men and women
    command + you.

     

    Therefore,
    accursed dragon and every diabolical legion, we adjure you by the
    living + God, by the true + God, by the holy + God, by God, who so
    loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son, that whoever
    believes in Him might not perish but have everlasting life; to cease
    deluding human creatures and filling them with the poison of
    everlasting damnation; to desist from harming the Church and hampering
    her freedom. Begone, Satan, father and master of lies, enemy of man's
    welfare. Give place to

    Christ,
    in whom you found none of your works. Give way to the one, holy,
    catholic, and apostolic Church, which Christ Himself purchased with His
    blood. Bow down before God's mighty hand, tremble and flee as we call
    on the holy and awesome name of Jesus, before whom the denizens of hell
    cower, to whom the heavenly Virtues and Powers and Dominations are
    subject, whom the Cherubim and Seraphim praise with unending cries as
    they sing: Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Sabaoth.

    P: Lord, heed my prayer.

    All: And let my cry be heard by you.

    P: The Lord be with you.

    All: May He also be with you.

    Let us pray.

    God
    of heaven and earth, God of the angels and archangels, God of the
    patriarchs and prophets, God of the apostles and martyrs, God of the
    confessors and virgin God who have power to bestow life after death and
    rest after toil; for there is no other God than you, nor can there be
    another true God beside you, the Creator of all things visible and
    invisible, whose kingdom is without end; we humbly entreat your
    glorious majesty to deliver us by your might from every influence of
    the accursed spirits, from their every evil snare and deception, and to
    keep us from all harm; through Christ our Lord.

    All: Amen.

    P: From the snares of the devil.

    All: Lord, deliver us.

    P: That you help your Church to serve you in security and freedom.

    All: We beg you to hear us.

    P: That you humble the enemies of holy Church.

    All: We beg you to hear us.

    The surroundings are sprinkled with holy water.

  • Here are some of the baptism photos.  I wasn't really able to take pictures during church because for one I had to stand right at the front near the altar.  Then I was sitting dead center in the church.  I am going to try to find the broadcast.  Oh yeah, I didn't say this but I was on TV for this baptism.  The church rebroadcasts their service on a local independent TV station.  Oh and during one part of the service I held Lily and because I was seated on the edge of the pew all the people coming down the aisle had to get a quick look.  Then during the luncheon she was being fed and passed around amongst the grandparents.  I think someone took a photo of me holding her.  It was fun.


    I got this dress for her along with some matching headbands and tights because winter is fast approaching.

    Also Halloween is coming so I found this little outfit.  It glows in the dark but I am unsure of how that works.  Do you have to hold the baby up next to a light first? 

    I'm planning on visiting Friday.  Multiple reasons...first to visit and see everyone, second it's Halloween and the Old Baraboo Inn is haunted(I should post my entries about that place) and third I buy candy and I skip town so I keep it all to myself.  I have a special post for this time of year coming up.

  • Sunday

    No blast from the past today.  I am spent.  Today was the baptism of my goddaughter Lily.  It was great and I felt honored.  When the pastor put the water on her head she lit up and smiled.  we had a nice luncheon filled with great conversation.  I'll post the pictures later.  Well on the way home this afternoon it started snowing.  It was inevitable.  We may get an inch tonight but it will be gone tomorrow because it is supposed to be warmer. 

    If my last video made you laugh, this one might make you cry:

    I am borrowing that from NomadicLife.
    I'll be back tomorrow with a better post.  I think I am off to read.

  • Oh Saturday. You play tricks on me again. Last night as I was getting ready to go to sleep I decided that I was finally going to write about something I have been wanting to write about for some time.  I was going to post about my long strange trip with Christianity.  I think some of you have gotten mixed messages from me on this religion.  A week or so ago I blasted Christians who are throwing false accusations against Barack Obama.  I think there is a commandment about spreading lies about some...oh yeah of all people I should know.  I know what you are thinking, "judge not lest ye be judged."  Great...but do you know what that entails.  Did you know that Christ was pointing out sinful judging to those that claimed to be without sin and then he did say we are supposed to judge our fellow believers.  OK, I'll dive more into that later.  I wrote all my points I wanted to make in the entry on a pad of paper I had next to me as I was trying to sleep.  I write in the dark so no big deal.  Sometimes I get ideas and I need to write it down right away or I lose it.  Well I lost it.  I lost the sheet.  I think this is cursed because awhile ago I was going to address something about Revelife but I lost that post.  I wouldn't post.  Maybe someone is trying to tell me something.  Basically it was going to be a sermon, something I haven't written in some time(hint hint).  I will be recalling the points and putting them in a safe place...probably my safe.

    Halloween is just a few days away as is Reformation.  Which will you celebrate?  For 99.99% of you who said Halloween I found a commercial for a costume store that has all your costume needs.

    Tomorrow I'm busy.  Badgers win...finally.