This week may seem a little light.  I'm sorry, I'll collect more in the upcoming week.  Actually I think the birth of my goddaughter took precedence. 
First things first...last week Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose announced the release date for Chinese Democracy, the album that has been in the making for 15 years.  Well this week I have more great music news.  Swedish synth-pop group Ace of Base announced that they would be entering the studio to work on a new album.  HOLY FUCKING HELL!!!!  ACE OF FUCKING BASE!!!!!!!!!!  I can now die at peace.

David and Victoria Beckham fired their house keepers, who have been working for them for 10 years, because the housekeepers were taking items from the Beckham house and selling them on eBay.  Apparently David's parents recognized some of the family heirlooms that made their way onto eBay and they alerted Posh and Becks.  Now here is the funny thing: the house keeper are managing the Beckham estate in England while David and Victoria are in LA.  The housekeepers and their son had free reign of the mansion.  Do you really blame them?  If I was a butler I would be constantly looking for blackmail evidence.

I think the only thing that has come out of John McCain picking Sarah Palin as his running mate is it has revitalized Saturday Night Live.  Apparently Tina Fey only plans on doing the Sarah Palin schtick up to the election because if McCain wins, Fey claims she is going to leave Earth.  I think she should move to the moon because I hear they have better women's rights.
 
I was going to play guess the ass but some of you are probably wondering who this is even with the photo.  That is Serena Williams.  She was in Hawaii this week on vacation.  I don't know if I should have posted that photo on the left.  I hope you have 30 free minutes because you'll be staring just like me.  I do think that if she and Kim Kardashian were in the same room, the universe would collapse upon itself.  She was having a surf contest with crooner Common.  It was Serena's first time surfing...wow, I made that same face my first time....with a woman...I mean SURFING!

Sarah Palin is trying to reel in more votes.  Actually that is porn star Lisa Ann.  She is starring in a new movie entitled, "Nailin' Paylin".  Yes, Paylin...pornos can't use public figures' names or soemthing like that.  Now we could sit here and debate for the next 18 days how close she resembles or doesn't resemble Sarah Palin, but I think we miss the fact that "Nailin' Paylin" will probably be the highest grossing porno ever...not the grossest.

While Pam Anderson was in England this week pimping her new reality series "Girl on the Loose"(loose...Pam Anderson...I love it) she said that Katie Price only got famous for using her kids in a reality series.  No, Pam, she didn't.  She got famous for the two same reasons that you did.

Poor Mischa Barton.  She has ruined her career over her inflated sense of self-worth and weed, lots and lots and lots of ganja.  Now she's off buying an 18 pack of Bud Light.  She's no Joe Six-pack, she's Josephine 18-pack.  I hear that Bud Light goes best with having your cable turned off.  Come on, Mischa, you should be living the High Life.
 
I think Miley Cyrus may have just as well have handed these photos over on a silver platter with photoshop to every pedophile in the world.  Apparently she took time off from writing her autobiography to have some ice cream and be fed by her boyfriend.  I think that autobiography will be the first book to be written in text messages.  I can just see the hate mail I'll get now...DNT H8T!!! UR JST JELLIS!!!

Miley was caught making this face at Justin while he was doing his model walk on the runwy at some fashion show.  It either means, "Let us post haste to the local Burger King to partake of their delicious french fried potato sticks." or SEX!  Either way, if that guy takes her trick or treating, I'm flying out to LA and I am going to place him under citizen's arrest. 

Just last week I was praising Melanie Brown for shedding her Scary Spice image and then she shows up to an event wearing this dress.  That dress looks like it could be used in sex ed demonstrations.

Marcia Brady released her autobiography this week.  In it she admits to being addicted to cocaine and ludes.  She claims that her addictions to various drugs got so bad that she exchanged sex for drugs.  She also dated Steve Martin and Michael Jackson and attended wild parties at the Playboy mansion where she got so wicked wasted.  Greg Brady was more than her on screen brother, they had a relatioship and she almost lost her virginity to the guy that also dated Florence Henderson.  She said she has had two abortions as well.  All this wild behavior she chalks up to her having syphillis.  Wow, I think I want to read past page two of this book.

Here is some more feet abuse.  Why do women do this?  Is it because there are so many guys out there with feet fetishes?  I bet those things are loaded given that they belong to Madonna.  I wouldn't want to be around her when she is wearing them.  Imagine if she had roid rage...yeah you'd either get the loaded gun shoes or her loaded arms.

Wow, Madonna and Lindsay Lohan could be twins.  Actually Lindsay is pulling off the "look like Madonna for less" look quite well.

So the biggest Madonna news this week, you have probably already heard.  She and husband guy Ritchie are divorcing.  No, this time it is real.  Now there are various rumors going around as to why they are splitting.  Some are saying it's because of Alex Rodriguez, who has been spotted with Madonna the last few evenings out and about on the town.  The one reason that I am believing just because it screams, "Yep, Madonna" is all because of a horse.  No, not the guy that stole my girlfriend that one time but a horse.  She was riding and the horse threw her off and she broke a few bones all the way back in 2005.  She has been pissed off about it since because Guy didn't show her enough sympthay and affection.  Can you blame the guy?  I mean Madonna has had more bones in her than Arlington National Cemetery.

Lisa Marie Presley gave brith last weekend to twin girls named Harper and Finley.  I had money down that she would name them Elvina and Erin.  I bet in the future all these celebrity children will get together and form a band with the strangest name known to mankind. 

I know Lindsay Lohan's secret.  She uses self-tanner.  I think it is time to hang up the leggings with the knee pads, Lindsay.

Lindsay said that she plans on going as Sarah Palin to Halloween parties this year.  She should goes as Cindy McCain and pop vicodin and meth all night long.  So the big question is who is Sam going as.  John McCain?  Todd Palin?  I know what I am probably going to go as...Joe Six-Pack complete with six pack of Natty Ice or The Beast.

At an award show last night, Katy Perry made a big splash into some cake.  That is so cute.

If Katy Perry needs any help licking that cake off, I'd volunteer my services.

This week's entry for Jessica Simpson Mic Skills.  She sucks.  I am a very lonely man.

No Jessica is trying to influence pseudo-lesbian Katy Perry.  NO!

A family member confirmed that Jamie Lynn Spears is indeed pregnant with her second child.  Friends close to Jamie are trying to have her get an abortion.  I guess I find that creepy but it is her.  I guess them Spears girls hate condoms.  So, Jamie, that box I sent you, yeah, that wasn't to make waterballoons to throw at the neighbors.  I think the strangest thing with her pregnancy is that Jamie is broken up with her boyfriend Casey.  IT MUST BE IMMACULATE!

Here's something for the ladies.  Hugh Jackman celebrated his 40th birthday by going to the beach and making genitals burst.  You know if he worked out a little more and lost that fat around his midsection, well it's crazy how much he'd look like me...if you believe that, I have some land for sale, inquire in email.

Holly Madison is opening up(hehe) about the break-up that everyone saw coming(hehe).  She claims that she broke up with Hef because she wanted a more traditional relationship.  What could be more traditional than dating an 80something year old porn peddler along with two other women while living inside a mansion that was built on exposed nipples and labias.  Given her track record with men, I think the traditional choice for her to date would be the remains of King Tut...hey, at least he'd be hard.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Douchebag were seen leaving a party in a $400,000 Rolls Royce Phantom.  That makes me sick.  Sure a Rolls Royce Phantom is a nice car but I am partial to my Chevy Blazer.  Did you know that I have to keep a stick on the front seat to beat off all the women throwing their panties at me?  *sigh*  Does anyone know if the sporks at KFC are sharp enough to cut through your carotid artery?

Fresh out of sex rehab, David Duchovny is divorcing Tea Leoni.  He goes off to rehab to cure his rampant sex drive which the scientific cure is called marriage and she is trading sexy text messages with Billy Bob Thorton.  What the hell would he be texting her?  The early bird menu at Denny's?  Yes, he is technically a senior citizen at that restaurant.

Christina Aguilera is trying to tell us that looking natural is overrated.  I bet she gets gus asking for her to t-bag them because she does look so trannyish.

Christina was in London this week performing and pimping.  I don't have a map handy but it seems London is an awfully long distance from the Emerald City and I don't think London has a wizard with enough power to grant her courage.  What the hell am I talking about?  Check it here.

If you really want to hurt Boy George, you don't show up at his shows.  He did a gig this week and only 89 people showed up to sit in a 2200 seat theater.  I think more people watched him pick up trash a few years ago.

This is a still shot from Anna Paquin's HBO series called True Blood which is about vampires.  I still remember when she was a little girl and was nominated for that movie called The Piano, you know the one with a naked Harvey Keitel.   I also remember seeing her in a Hallmark movie not so long ago.  When you are in the hospital sometimes those movies make the time go by faster.  I jsut have to admit that she is getting an average sized thumbs up for this new role.

So did you watch the new video from Britney Spears?  The song reminds me of old school video games but the video is hot and she looks great.  Rehab works wonders for some people.

I saved the saddest for last.  One of Amy Winehouse's friends bought a $1400 cotton candy machine.  Another guy put some cocaine into the batch of cotton candy.  Then Amy came in and devoured it all.  Now she eats it all the time.  Pretty soon she is going to resemble the cotton candy on the right, if she keeps the hairdo.  I hear that Amy is working on her first book, a cookbook, entitled "Cooking with Crack".

Well that is all for this week.  I am supposed to go to a wedding tomorrow but I feel horrible.  I am currently wearing two pair of sweat pants, t-shirt, sweatshirt, and am underneath two blankets.  I'll be around.