Fun day today.  I got up early and went out to my cousin's farm.  They are preparing for the opening day of deer hunting.  I took up some beer and ammo.  I went out in the field with a cousin and we sat around watching for the dreaded Amish scourge.  See, what they do is the day before the opening of the deer hunt is that they go and shoot as many deer as they can get.  They also do not respect other people's property and have been known to wander into my cousin's fields.  So there we sat in single digit temperatures.  Plenty of shots were fired and we saw many deer running through the forest but no Amish.  Guess it was good for them seeing I was "strapped".  I had my 12 gauge and my 357 so no Amish would mess with me.  Then I came home and did some work and got my bets set for this weekend.  Then I ate at a bar for supper and came home and passed out.  I was beat.  I woke up because my phone was beeping.  Now here I am for your pleasure...well my jokes and no other way.

Someone over at imdb really messed up Zac Effron's filmography, they changed it back to actor.  You know, I always thought he was rather effeminate.

Film critics have been treated to screenings of the comedy of the year for 2009, Tom Cruise's "Valkyrie".  It is getting horrible reviews.  Some critics have actually described the movie as a comedy simply because of Tom Cruise.  He has a German accent only in the opening scene and the rest of the movie he speaks in his normal voice while everyone else speaks with a German accent.  Also one reviewer took notice of Tom's "brilliant" acting.  His character is behind a plot to assassinate Hitler and Tom has to do the "Heil Hitler" and before he does it he looks from side to side sort of like the old cartoons.  The reviewer said that when Tom did sy "Heil Hitler" that it was the most uncomfortable feeling he has ever had in all of the years he's been reviewing films.  Seeing this film has been repeatedly delayed, I am thinking it will have horrible repercussions for Cruise's career.  Either way, John Travolta and Will Smith better start lubing up now because Tom is going to need a lot of consoling. 

In other Tom Cruise news(hey that rhymes) he and Katie Holmes have been "married" for two years.  On the day of their anniversary, Tom was shouting to paparazzi, "We've proved everyone wrong."  No you haven't Tom, we still think you are gay.

Forbes.com issued a list this week of the 10 most powerful children in Hollywood.  Suri Cruise was number one as the "hottest tot".  Maybe they are referring to her being hot meaning that she has a lot of fevers.  I hope it doesn't mean anything else.  I think Suri is telling us what she thinks of this list.  I can't wait for Forbes list of Hollywood's hottest sperm and eggs.

Tara Reid fired her manager this week because she claimed he wasn't helping her advance her career.  Um...what career?  Does getting drunk at bars count as a career?  She will sorely miss this manager.  He would call up hotels and get her free rooms all the time.  Now she is going to have to go the Paris Hilton way of getting a free hotel room by sleeping with random guests.

Damn!  I knew it was too good to be true.  Stephen Baldwin claims that he was making a joke when he said that he would move to Canada if Obama were elected.  I am not joking about this when I say I know where he can shove that toothbrush.  He then went one to say that if all 50 states were to legalize gay marriage, he would get a Billy Ray Cyrus tattoo on his ass.  Let's get off our asses, America.  Stevie needs him a new tattoo.

Another week of Guess the Ass.  This ass belongs to the woman with the longest legs to have ever graced the WWF.  I think she also was a contestant on Dancing with the Stars.  The final clue: she makes me say, "huminah huminah huminah."  Stacy Kiebler.

This is Shoshanna Lonstein.  Many years ago, during the last couple of seasons of Seinfeld, she dated Jerry Seinfeld.  Of course she was only 17 at the time.  This is her today.  Why didn't Jerry ever get charged for being with a 17 year old girl?  Apparently California has a double d exception to its statutory rape laws.
 
These photos are from earlier this week when Sarah Palin was in Florida for the Republican Governors of America meetings.  She is making a case for the 2012 presidential race by showing off those sexy legs.  Personally, I don't like it when a qualified woman is reduced to being a sex object but it's Sarah Palin and just like her bid for vice president, she isn't qualified.

Being a millionaire rules.  Russell Simmons can go up to random women and pull off their bikini tops just to look at their breasts.  So you are asking who is Russell Simmons and how did he get so much money to look at random beach breasts?  Well he was the star of Steven Spielberg's greatest movie, E.T.

This week a paparazzo caught Prince William taking a leak during a a timeout in a soccer match.  Now we see why they call him Prince Willy and get a glimpse of the royal scepter.  I do feel bad that those royal kids are followed by cameras everywhere they go but then I think of the untold riches they possess and I don't feel so bad.

In an interview this week, Prince stated that he hated the notion of gay marriage.  He talked about how he is now a Jehovah's Witness and he believes that at one time in the Bible people were sticking their things everywhere they pleased and God came down and wiped them out.  He also said he enjoys knocking on people's doors.  That would be so creepy to see that little man show up at my door.  I'm like a foot taller than him.  Too bad he no longer lives in Minnesota because then I would be expecting a visit.  Oh and here's a hint: never slam the door in the face of a Jehovah's Witness.  They think that will get them a better place in Heaven.  Prince also described his conversion like an awakening sort of like in The Matrix.  Oh yeah, that will get people to convert.

This week Pete Wentz said he did not know where a vagina was located.  He was thinking it was near the belly button.  Come on, are you serious?  It's not like the one Star Trek where they say the one alien race has their genitals on their knees.  He should just pick up a Hustler.  God bless you, Larry Flynt!

This week a crazed fan/stalker and former American Idol contestant committed suicide in front of Paula Abdul's house.  Now Paula believes her house is haunted because she is seeing spirits.  Seriously, the only spirits that Paula sees is the daily bottle of vodka she uses on her cereal.

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden broke up.  Oh boo-fucking-hoo.  She said he was too controlling.  What he didn't let her have the daily gang bangs?  Don't worry, Paris has about a dozen rebound dicks everywhere.  Oh Benji, you probably want to boil your genitals in water for at least ten minutes.  That may get rid of the Paris strain of stds.

Pam Anderson recently blogged that President Elect Obama's first course of action should be that he legalize marijuana because it would help fix the economy and create many new jobs and would be good for the environment.  What about the drug dealers, Pam?  If it were legalized they would be out of jobs.  How is marijuana good for the environment?  If it were legalized there would be so much smoke and that would deplete the ozone layer.  I think Obama's first course of action she be to ban silicon and Pam Anderson or at last send the ATF to raid her house.

In other Pam Anderson news, an uncensored video from the Girls Next Door show has surfaced.  She served Hef a drink for his 82nd birthday in the nude.  Hef looks sort of embarrassed.  It must be because he is trying to find the nearest Viagra because not everything is working properly.  It could also be that like me, he doesn't find sagging silicon to be that attractive.

Someone hacked Miley Cyrus' myspace this week and posted a message saying that she was killed by a drunk driver.  I bought front row tickets to one of her concerts and I even bedazzled a t-shirt that says "Age is only a number, never too old to heart Miley".  Man, I would be a total loser if they canceled that show.

Billy Ray has finally said that he doesn't want Miley dating a 20 year old underwear model and he has also figured out that the guy is only dating Miley to advance his career....as a statutory rapist.  Miley isn't pleased and said that Billy better leave her alone "or else".  The dreaded "or else".  If I was Billy I'd be shaking in my cowboy boots and mullet because she pays his mortage and his car payments and basically everything else.  Hey, Billy, good luck planning the baby shower.

Linday Lohan was antiqued at the opening of a nightclub in Paris earlier this week.  Supposedly it was because she was wearing a fur coat.  The owner came out with a vacuum and cleaned her off.  It would have went faster if he told her that it was booger sugar.  Then we'd see the snorting power that Lindsay is so famous for.

There is trouble in lesbian paradise.  At the nightclub, Lindsay wanted to dance with one of her ex-boyfriends.  Sam became livid.  I am feeling sorry for Lindsay.  She is acting like me when I go to Dairy Queen.  I can never choose between the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard or the Cookie Dough Blizzard.  In Lindsay's case she is stuck choosing between a hot dog or a taco.  I really don't think this will end well unless they overturn Prop 8.  Sam and Lindsay have also entered couple's counseling.  The doctor prescribe dick for Lindsay, the "maybe bisexual". 

Kim Kardashian went to the beach this week and she didn't annoy the crap out of me.  I am getting mellow in my old age.  I do wonder what you could fit in that ass crack.  A pocket dictionary?  A set of keys?  A Prius?  How about all three?

Katy Perry, you seem to have a lollipop stuck in your cleavage.  Just hold still while I remove it with my teeth. 

Model Karolina Kurkova proved this week that she isn't human.  She has no belly button.  The alien invasion has begun and they are oh so sexy.  I am so conflicted.

Here is one of the first shots of Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's adaptation of Alice in Wonderland.  He looks almost like what I expected but less like Helena Bonham Carter.

This is Joanie Laurer best known as Chyna in the WWF.  Oh and she was known as Joanie Laurer in The Surreal Life and Surreal Life Fame Games and Celebrity Rehab.  Why do people insist she looks like a man?  I find her beautiful.  Watch her movie, "One Night in Chyna" and then you will see that she is all woman.

Jessica Simpson's lips are out of control.  Soon they will overtake her entire face.  I wonder if you press her face against a window if it will stick.

The Jessica Simpson world tour promoting her new cuntry album made a stop at a bingo hall.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! She has been reduced to playing small casinos.  I am thinking my Ho-Chunk is too large a venue.  I hear next week she'll be playing at the Arby's parking lot in Tomah, Wisconsin to help raise money for the Tomah wrestling cheerleaders.  Jessica, you're a joke.  Please quit now.

Hugh Jackman was voted sexiest man alive by People magazine.  I don't see the big deal with this guy and how women's jaws drop around him.  Women's jaws drop for me too but then they act like they have never seen a guy who wears mesh tank tops and spandex biker shorts in public.

Henry Winkler and Steve Guttenberg were hired to do pantomime for a family friendly pre-holiday gala.  Seeing as it is Henry Winkler and Steve Guttenber...anything for a paycheck, right guys?  I'm surprised Winkler hasn't tried to pawn the Fonzie statue in Milwaukee, site of the greatest Wisconsin documentaries Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, Step by Step(ok suburbs) and That 70s Show(I was always confused with the geography of that show ask me why and I'll shoot you and email).

Madonna will soon rip Gwenyth Paltrow in two because Gwenyth is trying to steal the guy that Madonna stole, Alex Rodriguez.  Gwenyth is married to Chris Martin of Coldplay.  She is telling people that she wants to break up with him.  Then the other members of Coldplay are talking about splitting up the band.  It is all a mess.  Oh, I'm not a fashion expert but that isn't a good dress.

Ladies, Guy Ritchie is now single and ready to mingle.  The divorce was finalized today and Guy gets to keep his pub and country estate in Britain and Madonna is forced to pay him $50million in palimony.  I hope that somewhere in the settlement, Madonna is forced to give up her British accent.

What is up with George Clooney's new moustache?  He sort of looks like Hitler.  This is a photo on the set of his new movie, Men Who Stare at Goats.  Don't believe me, click the link.  I hear the movie is actually about Scottish debauchery.  If you say that is unfair and mean to the Scottish people, chill out.  I am part Scottish and I know what clansmen over there do with sheep and goats.

Here's a sign that the economy is even hurting the celebrities.  Christina Aguilera and Martha Stewart were at a recent party and they were drinking $35,000 snifters of cognac.  Yes, that's $35,000 per glass.  I feel so bad that they weren't able to afford teh $75,000 per glass cognac.  Well all need to work extra hard so that our celebrities will be able to experience the finer things in life.

Chloe Sevigny went to the beach this week.  You know it wasn't too shocking to see her in a bikini.  I enjoy the photo but it sort of loses its significance after see her give a bj to her boyfriend at the time, Vincent Gallo, in the movie Brown Bunny.  I still enjoy her work.  She plays a darn good Mormon wife in Big Love and she also has the alternate chic down from her role in Kids.

Bjork turned 43 this week.  I enjoy her work.  She and the polar bear have been together for three years now and are trying to have children. 

Here's a little something for the ladies.  Stop, get the paper bag.  I don't need any of you fainting on me.  Guess the ass.  This guy is known for being a prankster and falling prey to cougars.    It's Ashton Kutcher.

Anthony Kiedis' book Scar Tissue is going to be turned into a series on HBO.  If you never read his book then the show will be an f'ed up treat for you.  Especially if they have his father taking him to drug scores when he was a child.  Scar Tissue has actually made some lists as one of the best books of the past decade.  The show should be quite the experience.  If you don't know who Kiedis is, check out the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He is the lead singer and writes most of their songs.

This is Jessica and Ashlee Simpson B.S.(before surgery).  I thought this was a funny picture and I was going to moan that it seems like she has been pregnant forever sort of like a real life Family Guy gag but...

Ashlee gave birth to a baby boy this morning after doctors induced labor.  The baby's name is probably going to be the most talked about and criticized name ever.  Bronx Mowgli Wentz...WTF!  They probably named him after what city he was conceived in plus their favorite Disney character.  I also hear they are going to raise their child to be emo. To accomplis this, they plan on telling Bronx every day that he is adopted or that he is adopted.  They did plan on making him emo by threatening to drop him off in Nebraska but they have put an age limit on their safe haven law.

Wow, Angelina Jolie looks so fake. I think she needs to invest in some Stridex.

Amy Winehouse's beehive has returned in wig form.  I am wondering how fast that wig will come off when she is surrounded by paparazzi.  It's going to be just like Jerry Springer where every woman loses her wig within fifteen seconds of coming on stage.

Britney Spears is telling friends that she feels like she is prison since her dad has been made her legal overseer.  Hmmm before her dad was made her overseer she was receiving dildos in the mail at an alarming rate, talking with a fake British accent, attacking cars with umbrellas, shaving her head, and holding her kids hostage while she overdosed on drugs.  What's next if Papa Spears isn't her overseer?  Funneling money to Al Qaeda, hot air ballon travel, dropping ballons filled with hydrochloric acid from the hot air ballons, sextape productions, forcing kids to do drugs...yeah I am happy her dad has been made overseer.

This is a promo poster for Britney's new album "Circus".  Looks like Britney has learned how to use Photoshop.  I don't think Britney has looked that good since she was 18.  I am so anxious for the documentary called "On the Record" which was filmed during her "crazy" period.  From previews it looks more demonic than The Exorcist.

Once again ladies,  that's Hugh Jackman, People Magazine's sexiest man of the year.

Wow, 2AM, my neighbors are packing up to go hunting.  I won't be going or so it appears.  Oh well I'll stay warm by watching the Badgers.  I think the casino is having a Deer Hunt Widows night so maybe I will hit check out the casino tomorrow evening.