War is super ew.  Like, nobody wins them cause when they're over both countries are super gross like the bathroom they make the extras use on the Hannah Montana set. 

Plus, why is everybody over there so mad all the time?  They need to take a tooootal chill pill.  Like, in the fourth episode of the second season of Hannah Montana entitled "It's my party and I'll lie if I want to" when I totally lied about going to Kelly Clarkson's birthday party and got caught, I could have gotten mad, but instead I channeled that anger into a song one of the writers wrote for me to sing and everything was totally better.  I don't understand why they can't get writers to write them songs to sing and perform with a choreographed dance team? It's waaaay more chill than lobbing missiles into heavily populated surbaban areas, which is suuuuper not cool and makes you look dorky anyway.

I think one of the reasons that everyone is so mad in the middle-east is because they wear clothes that are not cute at all.  I know when I'm wearing super not cute clothes I totally call my agent and act super b-word at him, even though he doesn't deserve it.  I think President O-diggity should just go to like, H&M when they're having a super good sale, and just buy a bunch of stuff and drop it over there with that plane they used to drop that elephant in Operation Dumbo drop.  Then when the Hamas militants or Israeli soldiers, go to fire rocket propelled grenades at each other they'll be like "nah, I don't feel like it, I don't want to ruin this cute hoodie I'm wearing."

My dad says they're fighting over each others land or something, but trust me, when I was first starting out I shared a trailer with one of the Jonas brothers and it was no picnic but I got through it, even though he totally dropped my tooth brush on the floor!  Merry Christmas and be sure to buy the first season box set of Hannah Montana, available now on DVD!

(OK so maybe it wasn't real.)