What a day!  I woke up at dawn and turned the tv on and was glued to it all day.  I laughed, I cried, I had incredible stomach pains but that is due to my illness not the supposed doom and terrorism all the supposed conservatives on Xanga are predicting.  I cried when the Lion of the Senate had convulsions at the inauguration luncheon.  He is the voice of the voiceless and I learned today that he had terminal brain cancer.  I knew that he had a surgery but I didn't know that it was terminal.  Teddy was and to a certain extent is still the voice of the voiceless.  It was touching hearing all that he does for the children and widows of his late brothers.  He is the last of the Kennedy legacy.  I was so moved that this voice of a generation passed the torch to Barack Obama the voice of a new generation.  I hope that feisty Irish lifestyle gets Teddy out of the hospital soon.  I am not going to say Teddy's full name because if you don't know who he is, you are completely ignorant to American politics and if you are American you should not be allowed to vote.  If any foreign people read this, I'l be happy to explain.  I read a blog tonight and they asked the question "why is there so much focus on this Teddy guy whoever that guy is?"  That's sickening.  Anyway I need some motivation and I will tell you what my need for motivation is at the end.






OK, here's why I need motivation.  For some reason I get numerous visitors to my site looking for porn and certain pornographic positions and slang terms for female anatomy.  I usually just let it slide because I am not one to interfere when someone is looking for wank material.  That all changed tonight when one of the people came to my site looking for "porn" and "nip slips" and a certain type of job that requires blowing.  I know why they come to my site and that is because of how I caption my photos that I use in either my Celebrity Round Ups or my porn parody reviews.  The person that visited was from Revelife and has made numerous postings about how evil homosexuality is.  I was reading his material and well I got sick considering what he was looking for on my site.  I posted a comment on one of his last entries about the evils of homosexuality and...get this...PORN!  I just asked how he enjoyed my photoblog and if he found any useful photos.  I don't expect a reply and my comment will probably be taken down lest his wife(yes he talks about what a loving wife he has) finds out.  Maybe I am being a dick about it.  Anyway...once last poster.

When I was younger, so much younger than today, I used to watch Tiny Toon Adventures after the bus dropped me off at my house.  My description of the show is simply that it shows the old Loony Toons characters as what they may have been like as preteens.  One episode was a special music video episode which featured the music of They Might Be Giants.  I fell in love with their music.  It was strange and childlike...just like me.  I have always thought there were three songs in that episode but everywhere I have looked said only two.  Either way I still adore that band.  When they released a kid's album about the ABCs, I lent it to the kindergarten teacher and the students loved it.  I used a couple of their songs in my classroom.  When my class was studying the sun in science we listened to TMBG's song "The Sun".  Then during a study of the presidents of the U.S.A, we listened to their song, "James K. Polk".  They Might Be Giants have done a lot of work for TV.  They won a grammy for their theme song for Malcolm in the Middle.  They have done music for The Daily Show, The Oblongs, and The Drinky Crow Show.  I am pretty sure they have been featured in other television shows but my brain isn't working properly.  One of the coolest things I think I have ever heard about a band was their gimmick called Dial-A-Song.  They would record songs on their answering machine and fans could call to listen to their new material.  That was before the days of the internet.  Well you can read more about They Might Be Giants at wikipedia...it's a pretty good entry.

Here's the song, "James K. Polk"

And finally, here are the Tiny Toons videos:


And here is that song I used in my science class:

So it is cold as hell here.  Strangely I have always thought that Hell was a cold place because of the lack of God's love.  Well this isn't a religious post.  Anyway this nurse was telling me today that it was -37 this morning.  A nearby town hit -42.  Currently it is a few degrees above 0. The cold snap is broken.  I have serious cabin fever.  Well here is the round up.

Victoria Beckham became the newest model for Armani underwear this week.  Honestly that shot looks like a crime scene in an old film noir movie.  So which Beckham is the better model?

Poor Verne Troyer.  He has been reduced to competing on Celebrity Big Brother UK.  In a recent challenge he had to dress as Pooh Bear and eat from a jar of honey.  He complained to the producers but they told him to grin and....BEAR it.  I really feel sorry for the guy.  This is what his career is reduced to.  Did I mention, Coolio is also on that show?

Guess the ass on the right?  You you believe that it belongs to a new star in the Twilight series.  It does so and here she is...

Vanessa Hudgens.  She's going to be in the next Twilight installment.  She has stopped shaving in anticipation for this role because she will be playing a werewolf.  Well I think that is fitting.  I was talking to a teacher friend of mine who was saying that one of the other Twilight books is absolute crap and she saw some 5th graders reading it and asked their parents if they realized what was in the book.  They didn't of course.  I'm not about censoring but parents should use some sense and realize that not all kids can handle different material.  Anyway, her complaint with the book is that everyone gets everything they want.  I asked if the werewolves were sissy vegetarians like the vampires.  She laughed.  How can you take a vegetarian vampire seriously? Oh and I'm not criticizing vegetarianism.  At one point in my life I was vegetarian.  Duh...eat a steak rare, there's your blood content.

I ran into Sophia Bush this week and I had a wardrobe malfunction.  Actually I have no clue why she is shocked.  I just found that picture and thought it would be funny for my "little" joke.

The Golden Globes took place on Sunday....globes...I should have taped Antiques Roadshow just based on this photo of Salma Hayek. 

Here's that douche bag from Twilight, Robert Pattinson.  He's been trying too hard to pick up women with his new found fame.  A few have told a story of his pick-up line and each time it was the same and it didn't win their hearts.  He approached the women and sat next to them and said that if he had a vagina near his elbow, he would lick it all day long.  Why not go up to a girl and ask if $300 is adequate for a night's companionship.  He sucks.  Speaking of sucking, I have a feeling he is going to have to do a lot of sucking to get roles in future movies.

Ricardo Montalbon went off to the great Fantasy Island in the sky this week at age 88.  Now he can spend eternity with Tattoo.  I used to love Fantasy Island...de plane, boss, de plane.  When I heard of his death, I screamed, "KKKKKKKKHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!"

In TV news, the FOX drama Prison Break has been canceled.  They have filmed the final episodes which will air in April.  So I'm guessing this series ends one of two ways: they get away to a country that doesn't practice extradition or they get caught and go back to jail.  I have no clue what the show is about other than people getting out of prison.  The Croatian Sensation loves this show, so this is news for you.

Paris Hilton has a new love interest which is funny because her ex, Benji Madden, is said to go into catatonic states when Paris is brought up.  Britney's dad felt sorry for him so he set Benji and Britney up on a date but all that he could talk about was Paris.  Anyway, Paris' new boy-toy is San Francisco Giants pitcher Barry Zito.  He had an off year last year and I predict this next year will be worse.  He'll get asked from over 900 different baseball players and coaches if she wore those crotchless leopard print panties for Barry.  Oh and she lost a camera with hundreds of personal pictures which should read pictures of her tits.  So whoever has her camera, please don't upload those pics to the internet otherwise the internet may collapse upon itself and it would deprive people of my weak attempts at humor.

An ex-boyfriend of Oprah is writing a tell all book about his time dating her.  His name is Randolph and he is dying of cancer so he has taken it upon himself to dig up Oprah's secrets.  He said that when they dated in the 80s, Oprah liked to smoke crack.  I wonder if that is on her Favorite Things list.  When this book gets released, I wonder if Oprah will put it on her book list.

This is Nikki from Rock of Love Bus.  You can find more of her classiness over at her myspace page and her personal website.  Be forewarned that her personal website requires money or at least the section I clicked on did.  Check out her pics in the myspace page and tell me that she is not a national treasure.  This is the woman that did a test tube shot out of another woman's vagina...love is not a strong enough word for what I think of her.

I can't believe Bret Michaels said no to this skank.  Just look at her and how she is trying to win his heart.  National treasure!

This is Minka Kelly.  She is on one of my favorite TV shows, Friday Night Lights.  The season premier was tonight and I watched it after I got off the phone and that show gives me goosebumps.  John Mayer dumped Minka for Jennifer Anniston.  His penis should seriously think of running away.  That was a stupid move.  The way John is going that penis should have ran away a long time ago and should be on cartons of milk.  Eat your cereal with that image in your mind.

Here's a still shot from the movie The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke.  People are claiming that he got into character illegally for preparation for this movie.  He was supposedly doing steroids and when questioned about it Mickey said, "I behaved like a wrestler."  I wrestled.  I never did steroids.  I became a vegetarian because I wrestled.  Maybe Mickey should have followed me around for research.  Ok...bad idea.  We'd have been thrown in jail after five minutes of research time.

Mickey is now a spokesperon for PETA.  I wish someone had the cojones to fix him. 

This is the last Mickey Rourke pic this week.  This guy's career has been renewed.  He won the golden globe for best actor in a dramatic movie.  He has a role in the next installment of Iron Man.  He is also rumored to be dating Bai Ling.  She's perfect for him.  He's crazy and she has crazy nipples.  I also think she has woken up to worse than his beef jerky face.  So here's my little joke:  What does Mickey Rourke smell like after he has sex?  Pepper spray.

While she was on the red carpet, Megan Fox said she didn't understand why people find her attractive since she is the doppelganger of Alan Alda.  Yes, I am impressed that she knew what the word doppelganger meant.  Who do you think looks better in a G-string?  I know you want to say Alda but just take your time before you answer.

Megan Fox also had her twitter account hacked this week.  You know, forget Alan Alda,but if she dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps, well that is something I could get behind...get it...yeah, I'm lame.

This next story, I didn't feel comfortable posting the photo.  Apparently someone got a hold of a nude picture Madonna had take in 1979.  The strange thing about the photo is that it is being auctioned but it appeared with a whole set in Playboy in 1985. I don't know if it is the negative or original.  Warning...this pic is NSFL(not safe for life)...you've been warned.

Someone needs to give Kevin Bacon some work.  He lost huge amounts of money to that Bernie Madoff guy.  Hopefully there won't be six degrees of separation from a new movie for Kevin Bacon.  I have one degree of separation from Kevin Bacon; I watched Footloose in the theater.

Kendra Wilkinson admitted to the unthinkable this week.  She said that she cheated on Hugh Hefner.  The reason she cheated was that Hef didn't put out.  He wouldn't even talk to her when they weren't filming their reality show.  She said her vagina needed some attention.  I hope her new husband doesn't ever lose interest in her or isn't an 80 year old man that an only attain erections with the help of a blue pill otherwise she's going to be sneaking out at night.

This photo surfaced this week and people claiming it is Katy Perry.  It's not.  Look at the nose.  Not her nose.  I also can't imagine Katy Perry's bathroom looking so blah.  And where are the Dirty Girl bath products.  It's nice to think but because I now obsess over her, I nose better.

Too...many...sea men...jokes...brain...overloading...Actually Johnny Knoxville was detained at an airport today after a security check found a grenade in his luggage.  It was a prop and Knoxville claims a wardrobe girl put it in his luggage.  Yeah, I have a feeling that will be featured in the next Jackass movie.

Jamie Lynn Spears is getting married.  I can't wait to see the Coors Light cans dragging from her wedding dress or the wedding cake that will be topped with coon tails.  I am also waiting on pins and needles for my invitation which I expect will be written in crayon on an old Walmart receipt.  I presume the reception will be BYOB(bring your own booze) and at the reception instead of throwing the garter and bouquet, Jamie Lynn and Casey Aldridge will spit their chaw(chewing tobacco) at the single men and women in attendance and let's hope that those that get hit with the spit are related.  Then when Casey and Jamie Lynn take off on the ATV, the family will not throw rice at the newlyweds, NO, they'll throw their old teeth at them.  God...I need to get out of the house.

Howie Mandel was hospitalized while filming his new show, Howie Do It.  He was taken in for a heart condition but his spokespeople were quick to point out that it wasn't a heart attack.  He probably freaked out and had a panic attack because someone shook his hand.  Howie is a major germaphobe.  Have you ever seen Deal or No Deal?  He gives everyone a fist bump because he is afraid of contracting germs from shaking people's hands.  I have sources that say he requested full body condoms for his hospital stay because those places are filled with germs.

Fergie got married.  I hope it was G L A M O R O U S.  They look like they are posing for a Sears wedding section in the catalog.  That dress looks awfully tight and it looks like she would have a hard time using the bathroom while wearing it.  I hope she could hold it in.  Oh and she still claims the photo on the right is of her sweating.  I know that people sweat where they have large amounts of body hair...ew.

David Duchvony showed up at the Golden Globes on Sunday but everyone avoided him and were shunning him.  It's present day Hollywood and not 17th century colonial Massachusetts.  I think everyone in Hollywood has skeletons in their closet and I tend to expose them.

Cindy McCain was approached to be on the next installment of Dancing with the Stars.  She said yes but Senator John has said no and I presume he used his pet name for his wife in saying no.  I bet he said, "Cunt, you ain't goin' on no Dancin' wit da has beens."  Yes, he calls her cunt.  So how did producers try to lure Cindy to do the show?  They offered her an infinite supply of botox and Vicodin.

TOGA TOGA TOGA!  I don't have the heart to tell Chloe Sevigny that she doesn't know how to tie a toga but how can I say that she is wrong.  This reminds me that I still need to see ALL of Brown Bunny. 

Remember Charlotte Church?  I only do because one of my aunts totally adores her.  She had a baby on Sunday.  Church on a Sunday..ha.  Their first child was a girl whom they named Ruby so I was hoping they would name this child, a boy, Onyx like Onyx Blackman from Strangers with Candy but no, they named him Dexter.  Ah...I see Charlotte enjoys the TV show Dexter as well.  This isn't a current photo of Charlotte but for some reason it is a favorite.

Georgie Porgie...Boy George looks like he has been eating everything that comes near his mouth and I think that might have been part of why he is going to jail.  He was sentenced to 15 years today.  Maybe he is just bulking up for that first day in the pokey but then he does like that.  I'm confused.
 
Beyonce was supposed to sing for the Obamas at the Inauguration for their first dance as President and First Lady.  This was supposed to be a secret but Beyonce started telling everyone that she would be singing at the ball.  Beyonce isn't taking the blame instead she is claiming that it was Sasha Fierce who was telling everyone that Beyonce would be singing.  I think Beyonce needs psychiatric help. 

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner named their newborn daughter Seraphina Rose Elizabeth.  To me the name Seraphina Rose sort of sounds like an aging stripper's name that dances on Monday afternoons at a strip club near a truck stop.  How much do you want to bet that they refer to her as Sera?

Bear Grylls and his wife welcomed their third son into the world this week.  They named him Huckleberry Edward Jocelyn.  That kid will be destined to exploring the Mississippi and talking with a slow Southern drawl.  Huckleberry has two older brothers.  The oldest son's name is Jesse and the next is named Marmaduke.  WTF!  I am not making that up.  The two sons will really have to know how to be a survivor when they hit school.  It will be a living hell.

I think Arnold Schwarzenegger needs to get back into shape.  Maybe all that steroid abuse has made his testicles retreat to his upper arms.

The last time we saw Megan Hauserman was on the Charm School reunion show when Sharon Osbourne threw a glass of "wine" in Megan's face and then pulled out Megan's weave.  Well some of your prayers have been answered.  Megan will be getting her own reality series.  VH1 is currently doing a casting call for a show tentatively called Trophy Wife.  They are casting men with a high pedigree and those that have a net worth of more than $1million.  Here's the website.  That show is another sign that the apocalypse is upon us.  Oh and while I am talking about future VH1 series, Kim Kardashian's ex, Ray J, is getting his own series.  I guess Flava Flav found true love so the people at VH1 have decided to go with Ray J.  Here is the site and make sure to look at the girls.  All I can say is that I hope Pit Stains wins.  I hear that when he picks a lady to advance to the next round, he pisses on her.

Amy Winehouse was stunned this week when she saw the giant red orb in the sky sink below the horizon.  She was waving goodbye.  I couldn't find the photographs but people at the island resort where she is vacationing said that she was stealing drinks from people in the bar.  They always warn people not to leave their drink unattended because it may get spiked well in this case if you left it unattended, Amy would have stolen it.

Remember those old CBS specials called Circus of the Stars?  Here we see Amy trying out for the trapeze act on the new installment of Circus of the Crack Addicts.  It's a shame that the show won't be televised but the cameraman sold the camera for crack.

Amy Winehouse has also taken up yoga.  I have been saying this for some time but I really need to start that up too.

Besides being pimped out by her dad to be the rebound girl for Benji Madden, Britney Spears had another horrible restaurant experience this week.  Britney was eating in a Chinese restaurant in LA this week and Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel walked in.  They went to Britney's table and said hi and then they left.  Britney said she didn't care and then preceded to order some sesame beef, lemon chicken, mu-shu pork, sweet and sour shrimp, kung pao scallops, cashew chicken, Mongolian beef, egg drop soup, crab rangoon, and egg rolls.  Too bad she was all by herself and dined alone.

Well that is all for this week.  I hope you enjoyed.

I hope this one hits the airwaves during the Super Bowl.

So I went outside this afternoon and I am still cold.  I have yet to warm up.  We didn't get above zero today.  This was the worst cold spell in these parts since 1996.  I remember that year quite vividly because that was the year I lived right behind my high school.  My right hand is a little blue from the cold.  I am sitting here as I type wearing two pairs of sweats, two t-shirts, a sweat shirt and a stocking cap.  While I was underneath some afghans(not the people) my cats came and tried to warm me up by laying on me.  Now they are laying in the chair next to me keeping each other warm.  It's supposed to break tomorrow in the evening.  Saturday it is going to be warm.  I laughed when I heard the news this evening talking about the cold spell effecting the inauguration on Tuesday.  They said the high was expected to be 30F and people should layer their clothing.  Right now 30 would be a tropical paradise.  Well enough of my rambling about cold, you came here for links.

You know why movie villains fail at all their mass murder plots?  It's because their plans are pointlessly elaborate.  Here's a list of 6 of the most pointlessly elaborate movie murder plots.  The Cube...I love that movie.  It is just so random and involves math...I'm a nerd.  Another reason that criminals fail to succeed is that they make so many mistakes.  Here's a list of the 6 mistakes every movie villain seems to make.  One of my favorite movies, Reservoir Dogs, fits into everyone of those categories.  And here are some real life bank heists that could have been stolen from the movies.

Ever wondered what the presidents enjoy or hate to eat?  Well here is an interesting slide show about the presidents' tastes.  The lists covers Kennedy through Obama.

Here's a little video of how many Americans will remember the Bush administration.

So Israel wanted the U.S. to join in on a raid of Iran's nuclear facilities...not surprising.  What gets me about this article is the announcement that the U.S. is currently working on a secret raid to sabatoge Iran's nuclear capabilities.  It makes me think of playing an old school version of Madden Football where they would show the name of the play you ran before you snapped the ball.  We are telling them our play.  Good thinking, Captain Cuckoo Bananas!  I loved your farewell address this evening.

For the first time ever, there will be a video game system in the White House.  The Obama family has chosen the Wii.  Great, now I am so anticipating the media coverage of the Obama girls playing with their Wii to deluge the nightly news.

Here's a blog that answers the age old question of who deserves to be punched.  #78...I deserve to be punched.

I once toyed around with OK Cupid and was drawn back this week after I was alerted to this forum about a girl who met this total jerk and then had sex with him.  It gets really interesting when the guy shows up on the forum.  I can't believe there are rocket scientists like that out there.

Enter in your address or city and state and find out what is directly on the other side of the globe.  For people in the U.S., the majority of us will have a sucky location.  Now my dreams of digging a hole to China are dashed.

Here's a flow chart to determine if like Ice Cube, you had a good day. 

I hope this is the last list I post of things from 2008.  This time it is the 25 sexiest things from 2008. 

Wow...now I have seen everything.  I guess this is good in case your first time wasn't quite like what you expected. 

So did you really think that if you named your child Adof Hilter and give his sisters the middle names of Aryan Nation and Hinler(which probably should be Himmler) that the Child Protective Services wouldn't come to take them away?  All this over a cake.  People are idiots.

THIS IS THE GREATEST SOUND BOARD OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  TURN UP THOSE SPEAKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  DIAMOND DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This website takes a look at the abuse of the English language in the spam emails that he has received.

Do you have nieces or nephews that need an attitude adjustment?  Well, here's a Lego set that you should buy them.

Wow, who knew a 16 year old could fetch so much beer?  I hope that is some top shelf brew and not that lame Red Dog.

I was looking up some information about volleyball so I can make my glorious return to coaching.  I stumbled upon this at IMDB.  I can't believe he only won one single award.

Have you ever wondered how many different ways there could be to die from electricution?  Well here's a slide show that has diagrams of 30 possible ways.

I haven't eaten fast food in quite a long time.  That is one of the best things about living in a small town; there aren't any fast food restaurants here because there aren't enough people but we do have a Subway.  Anyway whenever they came out, I went to McDonald's to get a McRib.  I think the last time I was at a McDonald's was to get a McRib.  Here's a locator for McDonald's that still offer the McRib.  The Simpson did a show satirizing how devoted people are to the McRib.

Want to know how military recruiters are still getting kids to sign-up?  Read this exchange between a recruiter and another member of the military.

Well that is all I have for this week.  I hope you enjoyed.  Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with a celebrity round up.

So....I really laughed at this.  I'm going to hell.

So how about you?

Here's a little tune from the biggest star to come out of Canada since...Rich Little...Avril Lavigne...Pam Anderson...Peter North(biggest hahahahaha more like voluminous)
I'm not a talent scout so I don't know what to think about this guy.  Hopefully MTV will pick him up and shove him down our throats. 
The biggest star from Canada's smallest province, Mark Gormley.

Mark Gormley is the master of the blue screen and the MIDI file.  So is this the sound RUSH is trying to copy?

Because of the success of Barack Obama's internet campaign, many people in Congress and the Senate have set up youtube identities to help their constituents understand what is happening in government.  Nancy Pelosi gave us a video.  She gave us a video of her cats...but wait for the 37 second mark...

NANCY PELOSI RICK ROLLED AMERICA!

You realize that if, heaven forbid, Obama and Biden went down, she'd be president.  Where is the RIAA when you need them?

This week President Bush talked about an impending financial doom that could be far worse than the Great Depression of the 1930s.  Well I have procured a guest blogger to talk about the economic problems in America.  My views and language do not reflect those of the guest blogger.  My guest blogger is legendary collegiate basketball coach, Bobby Knight.

 

Thanks, you fat fuck.

Now, I’m tired of hearing about all this economy shit.  It’s goddamned bullshit.  The Dow Jones sinks 150 points each day.  That’s fucked up. 

Now I’m not going to sit around and let this shit fuck up my stock portfolio.  I’m sick and tired of losing money just like I am sick and tired of losing to Purdue.  This shit has got to stop.  With all the money I’ve lost, I’m reduced to doing color commentary with that zombie Digger Phelps and that stroke victim Dick Vitale.  It’s got to stop.  You may enjoy losing your 401K or having an 8-10 record in the damned Big Ten conference but not me.  I’m demanding when it comes to my financial well being. Hell, I’m the most demanding coach you’ll ever meet.  I’ll show your son how demanding I am on the court and I’ll take your wife in the bedroom and show her how demanding I am in there.

Now when Obama takes office on January 20^th things better change.  And if they don’t change, well you’re not going to understand what the next fucking four years have in store for you.  I’m not going to get my fucking ass handed to me on a damn silver platter because some idiots can’t pay their mortgage.  Now you better understand that right fucking now.

This economic disaster is absolute bullshit.  If you don’t do your part to help out, I’ll make you run like you have never fucking ran before.  If you think you have financial woes, this economy will make you think the 1930s Great Depression was a fucking picnic.  Two fucking years ago Americans were spending $1.20 out of every dollar they earned.  Now they are spending 52cents out of every dollar.  Of course businesses are going out of fucking business.

If I have to sit around here and lose all this money I won’t fucking stand for it.  Those idiots won’t put me in that position.  I’ll get my bullwhip after you if you get between me and my cash.  If you fuck around with me, you’ll pay like you won’t believe.  Just ask that tool, Digger Phelps.  He got my wingtips wedged up his ass for questioning me about the decline of the housing market and the auto bailout. 

Now, get out there, spend some money, and get your heads out of your asses. 

Where’s my sweater?  Fuck, Purdue.

Ummm that was Bobby Knight.  I am sure his post will get me banned from Xanga so maybe I should have him apologize for his language.

Me: Coach Knight, maybe you should apologize for your words.  They were a little harsh.

Coach: I don’t know what I have to apologize for in the country of freedom of speech.

Me: But, Coach, your words are a little harsh and yes we have freedom of speech but we should respect other people’s ears.

Coach: Well if you can’t stand just do what I said to Connie Chung, if rape is inevitable just sit back, relax, and enjoy it.

Me: Wow!  That is horrible.

Coach:  No it isn’t.  I am making you mentally tough because mental toughness is to physical as four is to one.

Me: Coach, I don’t understand

Coach: Of course you wouldn’t.  Everybody hears but few listen.

Me:  Any parting words, Coach?

Coach:  When my time on earth is gone and my activities here are passed, I want them to bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass!

Me: Thank you.

Coach: Fuck off and get me my sweater.

Well it is cold.  I am currently in a nicely heated house however when I look outside I know it is bitterly cold.  There are warnings out to avoid being outside for extended periods of time.  They are saying that the wind chill could dip to over -40F tomorrow morning.  There are already some schools saying they will start two hours late or be closed.  Sometime tonight we are also supposed to get a couple inches of snow breaking that myth that it can get too cold for snow.  Well I need some motivation to go outside tomorrow and shovel if we get that snow.

So I walked out on my porch while typing this up....it's cold...balls-shrinkingly cold.