Some lucky lady out there is about to find true love and happiness.  Too bad Rick Astley is singing to another guy...

Single White Male looking for one lucky lady - 20 (Scottsburg, Indiana)

We're no Strangers to Love.
You know the rules. And so do I.
A full commitment is what I'm thinking of.
You wouldn't get this from any other guy.

1. I'm never gonna give you up.
2. I'm never gonna let you down.
3. I'm never gonna run around and desert you.
4. I'm never gonna make you cry.
5. I'm never gonna say goodbye.

6. I'm never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

With love,
Rick

Winter has returned.  Yesterday I was sure that springtime was here.  It was in the 50s and sunny and I was cruising around with my windows open listening to my brakes that need to be replaced.  Today I woke up and turned on the news and saw that a majority of schools were closed or closing early.  The snowstorm came and it was pretty nasty.  At first we got hit with freezing rain and then it switched over to snow.  I think there is about 3 to 4 inches of snow on the ground but then there is all sorts of ice under that.  For awhile my driveway looked like a skating rink.  Tomorrow morning is going to be fun.  We are supposed to get a couple more inches of snow overnight.  I have this feeling that it will be winter for some time and then one day it will be 50s and then the next it will be 90s.  Spring will cease to exist.  Enough bitching, time for links.

Do you ever read How to Guides?  I do from time to time especially when it comes to making home brews, wine, or cider.  Here is a list of 11 how to guides that are completely unnecessary.  The one on changing channels is hilarious.  It reminds me of one of my universal remote controls and how I have to go online to find the entry codes.  It explains how to fully enjoy TV with the remote by how to raise and lower the volume and change channels.

This story was one of the saddest stories I have read this week.  It just seems so typical.  I picture the person who bought the bird looking like the Monopoly guy.

Many years ago when I was young and naive, I came very close to buying a van for my first vehicle.  It's a good thing I didn't because I probably would have made it look something like this.

I love urban legends.  I never knew that urban legends extended into the realm of video games but here is a list of some video game urban legends.  That Duck Hunt one is funny because when I was a child I played the arcade version and shot the dog but then the home version I would try and try again to get that damn dog but could never do it.

Stories like this scare me when it comes to the dating scene but then I am not into swinging so I guess I shouldn't be scared.  Who knew Cottage Grove, WI was so seedy?

I laughed so hard when I read this story.  I think your basketball program is in a terrible situation if you need a 73 year old man to be on your roster.  It is a good thing that players are staying in school but come on.

I am thinking I am going to add this play into my football playbook.  Wait, a friend who went to a different high school had a play similar and they tried it every single year that he played and it only worked once but not for a touchdown.

THIS IS THE BEST ADAPTATION OF ASTEROIDS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You might as well jump to that site.

This website has a long url but it has to because it deals with some of the most expensive items in the world.  If someone asks you, "what is the most expensive margarita in the world?" You can go here and give them the answer. 

Here is another sad story.  I read it and it made me realize that I never want to call out a pro-wrestler.  Verne and the other guy had been fighting in the home for weeks because the man who died said pro-wrestling wasn't real.  Verne also had to be pulled off because he put the other man in the sleeper hold.  God, I don't want to get old.  So we know what happened to Verne Gagne but what about some of the other wrestling stars of yesteryear?  Mental Floss did a where are they now feature on some wrestlers.  You have to read about The Ultimate Warrior and read his ramblings.  They sound like some people here on Xanga.  So I know I don't want to be placed in a nursing home with a former wrestler but I would buy a house from The Dog Faced Gremlin as long as he promised not to give me a bulldog or a Steiner-line.

I saw this on Craigslist and have been tempted to submit resumes like this to jobs where I know I will never be hired. 

I live near a Baptist church and from time to time I get the tracts that try to convert me to their church.  Well one of them had a website listed and I searched around and I thought these tracts were pretty funny.  Islam and Halloween...do those convert you?  The greatest thing I ever received was years ago a fire and brimstone preacher gave me a card that said Get Out of Hell Free.  It looked like a Monopoly card but on the back it contained Bible passages.  I keep that in my wallet right next to my...next!

I was thinking of growing a beard and entering the World Beard and Moustache contest but then I went to the website and what I saw made me shave.

This is a pretty cool website.  A dad wanted his son to have a fun photo collection so he started getting famous people to pose with his son.  That kid is pretty lucky but I wonder to what extent his dad has gone to to get those photos.

This website lists the most used words in the English language.  It's good to see that prostitute is hanging in at #14,003

The Rick Roll is getting old.  We need to find something new.  MSNBC has a list of possible replacements.

I am so anxious for The Watchmen.  Here is a video about how they made Rorshach's mask.  Oh and I was reading(this may only be for Watchmen comic readers) that the comic within The Watchmen is being made into a short film and will be available in an upcoming DVD.  Gerard Butler is playing the main character.

Sham-Wow Vince is a pop culture icon!  I love those commercials and his new one for the Slap Chop...forget about it!  Anyway here is a soundboard featuring Vince's favorite sayings.  I crack up every time I see the new Slap Chop commerical and Vince says "You'll love my nuts."  I can't not press that enough.

And I thought the cops in my hometown were incompetent.  I could add an off-color Irish joke but being part Irish I don't like to degrade myself unless I am talking to a certain someone via the messenger.

I just learned about the karaoke feature on Myspace and this entry has me clamoring for more.

I saw this link on another Xangan's site but I can't remember where...I am a fool.  Anyway go to the Demonstration Mode and it will let you take psychology tests that will bring up your subconscious.  I took the one about Presidents and it gave me some interesting results.

When I first saw this fun item on eBay, I thought it was Gonzo from The Muppet Show in male underwear form.  Then I had to remember that not all men are equal and that when I worked in the tourist trap we sold boxers that had a fire hose on the front.  Damn...never sizes for us BHM(Big Handsome Men).

So this guy goes to jail for impersonating a police officer.  Now that he is in jail he is telling the other inmates that he is actually an undercover officer.  That has to be one of the dumbest moves ever.  I think the other inmates wouldn't enjoy having a cop live with them and his life would be at risk but of course I have never imitated a police officer, not even as a child, I was always a robber.  The last time one of my neighbors played cops and robbers with me, I was the robber of course and he runs into my "hideout" and says I am under arrest.  I said, "Show me your warrant."  He asks, "What's a warrant and how do I get one?"  I answer, "Damned if I know."  Then I ran to the lake, where he couldn't go because he would get punished.  The secret to being a good criminal, going to places where the police can't go.

Finally, a new way to draw penises online.  Honestly, check out the gallery.

I finally have found a home that may survive nuclear holocaust or Mormon missionaries.

All the sex ed I need I can find at WikiAnswers.  At least it is better than some of the stuff I have seen on Yahoo Answers.

I am not an old man because I can hear the Teenage Audio Test.  I listened to it and heard it and now I have a headache...YAY ME!  My cat started howling like a dog when I played the file.

Our new President has a potty mouth.  I remember reading his book and I was shocked that this politician could use such language.  I had no clue he did the audio book.  I guess I shouldn't be shocked at his language, I mean Dick Cheney told all of America to go fuck themselves.

This is some sad Maury Povich type stuff.  The answers however are not what Maury would say, they are better.

Well I hope you enjoyed.

So I have been wanting to do this post for quite some time.  Xanga audio has been giving me some hassles but all is forgiven.  I still haven't been able to upload this song about Minneapolis that I love.  I should just type out the lyrics and let you imagine what the music sounds like. 

Have you ever had that song stuck in your head and you just can't seem to get rid of it?  Welcome to my world, except I have about a billion songs stuck in my head at any given moment.  If you read my power rankings, you would have seen that memories made it into the top ten.  Well I remember stuff quite easily.  I think that is due to my education at a parochial school from preschool through 17th grade.  We had to do a LOT of memorization.  It has served me well however when I hear songs now they stick with me.  I own at least 1000 cds not including all the stuff I have burned or downloaded.  I have all those songs swirling in my head. 

Lately two styles of music have been dominating my thoughts.  One is the alternative rock in the style of The Flaming Lips and the other is polka.  Yes, polka.  My father has been in a polka band for the majority of my life.  He sings and plays accordian.  I dug up one of his cds and have been listening to it.  I have tried to upload the songs but for some reason they won't upload.  My dad says some of his other band mates want to regroup but the former lead singer is dead.  I was asked if I wanted to sing.  Oh, for those that don't know, I was a choir boy in college.  I was in choir for 8 of 10 semesters.  I was the most ass kicking choirboy you would ever meet.  Anyway this one song is in Czech so I have started to attempt to learn that language.  Not easy.  I asked if I could just translate into German but that was blasphemy because the town in which we leave is the Czechlosovakian capital of Wisconsin.  Oh well, once the audio gets sorted out I will share those songs and also share a song of my dad wailing on the accordian and singing.

Right now I am going to share some songs which have stuck with me and have some meaning to me.

This song was featured in the movie Juno.  Some of my friends have said that I only like it because it was in Juno.  I say, "Fuck you."  I was listening to the Moldy Peaches back in 2002 when a friend at the White House(not the one in DC but the one near Little College on the Prairie) introduced them to me.  I kind of like to think that I was humming that song while Diablo Cody was giving me a lap dance and thus helped inspire Juno.  A guy can dream, can't he?

The Drunk Injuns were the inovators of skate punk or grind punk way back in 1983.  I love this song.  Remember back in the 80s for a band to release an album it was almost mandatory that they had to have a ballad-type song on said album.  This is the Drunk Injuns ballad.  I love it.  I also loved the Drunk Injuns get-ups. 

This song has been one of my favorites over the last few years.  Steve Burns may not be that big of name but I guarantee that if you ahve children under the age of 10, you will probably recognize this guy.  I will give you a clue.  Please don't make me come out and say it....yes...Steve Burns is Steve from Blue's Clues.

Back in the day...

With Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips

Steve performing today

The story about how Steve went from kid show host to rocker goes something like this.  He was at a friend's house and the friend was playing an album by The Flaming Lips called The Soft Bulletin and it blew Steve's mind and he had to make music.  It isn't surprising that Steve's music sounds much like The Flaming Lips because they inspired him and he has toured with them and his album was produced by one of the Lips.  Oh and I just got The Flaming Lips most recent album called Christmas on Mars and it comes with the movie and Steve is in the movie.  Another Steve Burns story(remember, I have lead an extraordinary life and have many memories): A couple of guys from my high school have a band called The Umbrella Sequence and I got a notification that they were playing the Uptown Bar in Minneapolis which is on Hennepin just down the street from Baja Sol which I begged Minneapolis people to eat at in my honor for my birthday last Friday.  Anyway a friend and I were drinking some Stella Artois and talking up the bartender about all the music at that bar and he was telling us how before they got big The Flaming Lips would play that bar whenever they were in Minneapolis.  It is one of the few places that books acts on a calendar so many Minneapolis bands can call them up on a Thursday night looking to play on Friday and they could get a gig.  Prince did that quite a bit at the Uptown.  Anyway as we were talking Steve Burns walks in.  The song above is called Mighty Little Man, well Steve is TINY!  I guess I am a huge guy but I had to be at least a foot taller than him and I stand about 6'2".  It was an awesome show.  Steve apoogized to me when I went to buy a CD because they were all sold out and he said those damn Nebraskans made me sell all my cds.  I ended up buying it through his website.

Ok, this is my absolute favorite song by Prince.  When I was in college we had frat parties that involved the majority of the school and every single one this song was the highlight of the party.  I guess we were supporting a native son of Minnesota.  Has anyone here ever seen Purple Rain?  Yeah, the majority of those place, my backyard.  Have you bathed in the healing waters of Lake Minnetonka?  I did.  When fishing I was struggling to reel in a fish and I fell out of the boat.  I should stick to ice fishing.

I really don't know what this song is about.  I love it but I don't understand it.  I know it was in Bowling for Columbine but that's about it.

I typically dislike country music but I should elaborate and say I dislike pop-country or most modern country.  This guy is great.  He is Roger Alan Wade and he is Johnny Knoxville's cousin.  He was featured in the movie Jackass in the end credits with the song "If You're Gonna Be Dumb".  Country needs to go back to the days when the songs were about ass kickin', whiskey drinkin', and BB gun shootin'

This is a Minnesota rapper named Brother Ali.  This is one of my favorite rap songs.  Brother Ali puts on a hell of a show of course the last time I saw him it was on April 20th(4/20).  He sings about being an albino, guess what..

It's almost baseball season so I have to post my favorite Boston Red Sox song.

Oh and this was the type of music that I sang in choir.

I hope you enjoyed a little journey into my messed up head.

I should have done this post first before my power rankings because that way I could say that this post would motivate me to do a power rankings complete with fake scoring system.  Oh well, hindsight is 20/20.  So what should I motivate myself to do?  Read?  Re-watch seasons 1 and 2 of Rome?  Learn the theme song from Mission Hill on my guitar?  Read?  Manipulate the ship's primary firing mechanism?  Read it is...

Oh I know what I need motivation to do...decide what to give up for Lent...dang, I'm too late.  Better luck next year.  I suppose I could do a Ramadan fast for Lent like I did a few years ago or maybe I could give up red meat....HAHAHAHAHA.  I know...I'll give up McDonald's.  I hope you found motivation to do whatever it is that you need to do.

Oh and the girls in the first poster...yes, they are real.  The Hensel twins...they lived near where I lived in Minnesota.  In fact their high school was a rival with the public school where I taught.  When I went to that public school's sporting events, I saw them at a couple of games.

This is my inaugural power ranking entry.  I have been thinking of doing this for quite some time because of the basketball season.  I really have no clue how they rate teams and why some rise in the rankings despite losing and some go lower despite winning games.  These are just going to be random and if anyone is offended it's just a fricking imaginary ranking system.  I have no clue what the points mean, just like the DOW Jones or the NASDAQ or Whose Line is it Anyway

#25.  Uwe Boll 346pts
Uwe is currently working on a film about a prisoner of war camp located in Iowa and how the Germans inspired the Iowans.  It actually sounds interesting and isn't about a video game.  It got me thinking of the stories my grandfather told of the Nazi POW camp in my hometown.  The Germans had to work in a brewery. 

#24.  Hillary Clinton  350pts
She kissed Barack Obama this evening.  If you told me that I would see her kiss Barack Obama after their bitter battles, I would have slapped you upside the head.

#23.  Xanga Audio 351pts
The audio section of this blog has dropped some spots due to shoddy performance.  Tonight, it got back to its winning ways and let me upload some songs such as:

#22.  W. 375pts
Interesting movie.  I probably would recommend it for both the right wingers and the left wingers.  I really didn't think it portrayed Bush negatively.  Also, have to hand it to Oliver Stone for not going off the deep-end and including any conspiracy theories.

#21.  Digital Cable  380 pts
Screw you analog tv!

#20.  Family Guy 382pts
People don't like this show.  I do.  Get the fuck off my back.  Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty...

#19.  The Watchmen 390pts
It's low because I am still iffy and haven't heard good news about the ending.  It may have a drastically different ending than the book.  Poop on that noise.

#18.  Duke Blue Devils 395pts
Inserting freshman Elliot Williams into the starting lineup has put Duke back on track to be a Final Four contender.

#17.  Vodka 402pts
Be it cheap or uber-expensive, vodka remains the silent assassin.

#16.  Teddy bears 403pts
I have a teddy bear my grandfather gave me a week before he died when I was 3, what of it?  Wanna fight?

#15 Church League Softball Fistfights 407pts
Getting washed in blood on a Tuesday night, what would Jesus do, well he wouldn't do that, hit the preacher in the head with a softball bat.

#14.  Paul McCartney is Dead Hoax 409pts
Still going strong all these years later.

#13.  Maury Povich 415pts
He continues to give us great television in this time of crisis.

#11-12 tie.  Cheech and Chong 420pts/Marijuana 420pts
Those guys have given us the best marijuana related humor.  Marijuana continues to be labeled a gateway drug by the squares.  Oh and my last doctor visit, he joked that if I was in California, my symptoms may get me a prescription for the medical variety. 

#10.  Facebook 427pts
That social network continues to baffle experts.  How can Jim Morrison have 25 different pages and be dead unless he isn't dead? 

#9.  Memories  432pts
I have a lot of them, just ask me.  I could tell you about the time I met Scottie Pippen or the time I hung out with a professional wrestler.

#8.  Nude Beaches 447pts
Nude beaches slipped to #8 this week because it is February.  Some doubt that Nude Beaches deserves to be in the Power Rankings let alone in the top 10 because most of the time it is a sausage fest and those sausages at the party aren't looking for a bun but they are looking to be placed alongside another sausage.  OK my euphemisms for gay sex are lacking.

#7.  Taco Bell 451pts
That new commercial where the guy meets the girl at a party and then goes through all the steps of a relationship in mere seconds is hilarious and makes me want to gorge myself.  Taco Bell may gain spots if they bring back their after hours breakfast menu.

#6.  The Economy -3000pts
The economy slipped to #6 because of its poor performance against the world, investors, credit, and Purdue.  The economy is sick and fucking tired of losing to fucking Purdue.

#5.  President Barack Obama 462pts
What list isn't this guy on?

#4.  Forever Young by Bob Dylan 478pts
This is my new mantra

#3.  Mixed drinks 483pts
I have somewhat given up drinking but it hasn't stopped me from trying to come up with the next great cocktail and giving my experiments to my neighbors or friends

#2.  Marquette School of Theology 493pts
Could this devout Lutheran who has 95 theses and a bitch ain't one be enrolling in this fine Catholic institution?  If the stimulus works, I just may but Martin Luther would continue to be my homeboy because I am still miffed that salvation does not exist outside of the Catholic Church.

#1.  My Xanga Friends  500pts
You made my birthday rememberable and remarkable.  Thank you for all the well wishes and for putting up with my pointless nonsense.  Has it seriously been 1345 days since I have joined?

Thank you for reading my random crap.

Sorry, I'm not doing one this week.  Today Nattata surprised me by announcing that today is my birthday.  Yes, it's true.  Today is my birthday.  It hasn't gone exactly according to plan.  I went out to lunch with my dad and he was going to take me to my favorite restaurant for lunch but he decided that if he took me without my mom that he would hear about it.  But, before we ate, he insisted that I get a haircut.  I guess I was looking sort of shaggy but it made a tight pompadour.  We went to a local bar and grill and had a sandwich.  I went to the house with him because he said they wanted me over for supper.  Well he opens the garage door and pulls the car in and as he is shutting the door with the remote I hear a loud snap and one of the springs on the garage door busts in two.  Luckily it went passed me otherwise I probably would have been knocked out.  I sat around and did some reading but then I realized I had some work I had to take care so I leave and go to church and make copies.  It took me an hour and half because the stupid copy machine didn't want to work for me.  Finally I got everything finished and headed to my parents' for supper.  Pulled pork sandwiches, potato salad, and vinegar cole slaw to top the pork and my mom made me a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.  Thank god she didn't pull out any candles.  After supper they gave me my presents:  Guns N Roses "Chinese Democracy", The Flaming Lips "Christmas on Mars", a bag of soda poppers pop flavored candy and they rented a dvd for me.  Just a note: never rent a movie for someone else.  Let them pick it out.  They rented An American Carol and my mom said that she rented it for me because the lead actor is from Wisconsin and is the brother of the late Chris Farley.  Well that was a waste of an hour and 15 minutes.  I was going to head to the casino and waste the $24 free dollars that were given to me for birthday and player's club but it's snowing and sleeting.  We are supposed to get about 6 inches of snow tonight.  So I have just sat in tonight and now I thought I would share my day with you.

I really appreciate the birthday greetings I have received here on Xanga.  I don't know how to put this without being a prick but your greetings are much more and generous and meaningful than my supposed "real" friends, those who haven't said anything to me.  I just want to say that I appreciate your real friendship from people I haven't met.  It is moving and makes this cold-hearted bastard misty eyed.

Maybe I will crack open a bottle of gin tonight.  The night is young and I have nowhere to be this weekend.
I won't be celebrating like this:

I never knew cake could be erotic...oh wait, I did.  I went to an erotic bakery/porn shop.  The bakery part was just a book with the different cakes you could order.  It was a let down. 

Once again thank you.

Vielen Dank!

This Saturday, February 21st, thousands of revelers will descend upon the August Schell Brewery in New Ulm, MN to celebrate Bock Fest.  This festival is often compared to Madri Gras.  Yes, it gets wild and yes, there are massive amounts of alcohol consumed, it is located at a brewery after all.  I attended last year along with 8000 other people searching for Bock beer and Bock tokens hidden throughout the forest surrounding the brewery.  It is a fun time.  I won't be attending this year which is the first time in about 5 years.  I am upset because I won't get to hear all the polka bands and consume fresh Bock beer.  Oh and they also have bonfires around the brewery grounds and the people maintaining the fires also have metal pokers they place in the fire so that when you come up to the fire with a beer, they will carmalize it for you...EXCELLENT!  One tradition I will miss most is Das Boot.  I have talked about the boot before but I have since unearthed some of our group's Das Boot exploits.  Enjoy or should I say Prost!

Where will he go next?

I was set on getting this up earlier so that I wouldn't keep any of you up really late checking out all these links but I fell asleep on the floor.  I was stretching out and next thing I know it is 2AM.  So hopefully people will get to read this.

I didn't get this up in time for the Super Bowl but it is still funny.  How did you get your tickets?  I have never been to one.  I did have family that went to the one that was in exotic Minneapolis.  Anyway here is a list of lame attempts to get Super Bowl tickets.

A college roommate told me that when he was a foreign exchange student, he lost all touch with American movies.  He said that when he walked around the streets of Vilnius, Lithuania and saw movie posters advertising American movies, he had no clue what they were about.  Here is a collection of 20 movie posters from foriegn countries advertising American movies.  No wonder he got confused.

Work in customer service?  I did for many years during my summer vacations.  Some days it was the worst job in the world but then others I made it the best job ever.  I worked in one of the major tourist traps in Wisconsin during the height of the Beanie Baby craze.  I have mentioned that before but I found this list of the 8 worst types of customers and thought they should add 1 more and that would be middle-aged Beanie Baby collectors.

I have told you many times that I read The Onion.  Well a part of The Onion is called The A.V. Club and since I was late on the Super Bowl, I decided to be late with Valentine's Day and here is The A.V. Club's Valentine's Day mixtape.  Also there is an interview with Vernon Chatman and John Lee, creators of Wonder Showzen.  If you were a fan of Wonder Showzen I would suggest reading.  Currently they are working on Xavier: Renegade Angel which appears on Adult Swim.  Wonder Showzen was one of my favorite shows MTV has ever produced.  I miss Chauncey although, he is alive and well on myspace and facebook.

I suppose many people are getting ready for their thesis papers.  If anyone is taking a course in Star Wars studies, here is a site that you can document that answers the age old question, "Did Han Shoot First?"

Now here is a course that I would have loved to have taken in college.  The research papers for that class would have been entertaining.

I don't know why I find this site entertaining but it is.  Dinosaurs and robots make an awesome team but I could have never imagined that people wanted them to do this stuff.

Sometimes when I was teaching I felt like pulling out the magic 8ball to answer my students' questions.  These guys used a magic 8ball to reply to emails.  Somewhat funny.

Last week in my celebrity round up, I included the video of Joaquin Phoenix on the Late Show.  I then started talking about another horrible interview that Letterman did with Crispin Glover.  Well one of my readers sent me this link to the ten worst Letterman interviews.  I totally forgot about the Harvey Pekar interviews.  They used that video in the American Splendor movie.  Excellent movie, you should watch it.  Paul Giamanti at his finest.  Also the people who ask what comics I like, American Splendor.  My dad had those when I was a kid. 

Oh the fun you can have with search engines.  First we have this funny Golden Pages search.  I had no clue.  Have you ever wondered what a search of "professor retard" would illicit in a google image search?  Well here you go, it's shocking that she actually teaches.  Also, Google searching for the worst band in the world gives a great answer.  You just have to look past the first videos.

I am glad I have never gotten this drunk.  However there is a first time for everything.  I won't do that this weekend because that doesn't fly at the casino. 

Are you confused by rap songs?  Well this handy website will explain some of those songs that might be confusing you.  Who knew that N.W.A.'s song Fuck the Police meant that they don't particularly care for the police.

Because CaptainPlan.org would be just stupid.  Take time and examine that url and if you don't understand, ask me for clarification.

Remember the controversy in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas with the mini-game called Hot Coffee where by button mashing you could make the main character have sex with a girl?  Well Grand Theft Auto 4 offers full frontal male nudity.  People think video games are getting horrible but I had Custer's Revenge on the Atari.  Yeah, I was like 5 or 6 and I had that game.  My dad bought it and well I found it and it made its way into my game rotation.

This website contains famous quotes from Star Wars that are supposedly made better by changing certain words to the word pants.  It reminds me of that old trick with fortune cookies that you add "in bed" at the end of every fortune.  Yes, I lead a lackluster life.

Wow...I never knew anyone who admitted to following the Bahaii religion but apparently the guy who plays Dwight on The Office is a member of Bahaii'ism.  He wrote a commentary at CNN.com imploring action against the persecution of his religion in Iran.

You know, this is how I see myself dying.

Stories like this make me really worried about the people who are employed to protect us and unhold our rights.  Oh and that small community nearby has gotten rid of their entire police department.  So if I don't write some evenings, just imagine me dressed in tights fighting crime because more than likely that is what I'll be doing.

I have loved the internet memes that have come up over the years.  There are some I miss and some I detest and some I have never gotten into but overall they are fun little things.  Here is a timeline of internet memes.  Too bad that meme they tried to start on xanga a while back didn't make the list.  You know the one...where everyone was emailing the emails that simply said poop.

A mad crisp, ritzy reader shared this link with me.  It is a collection of geeky tattoos.  I think I have posted a few of these in my old tattoo thursday posts but oh well they are still funny.  Thank you, mad crisp, ritzy reader.  You know that term crisp to mean cool...I heard that in a show this evening and it was used in that context.  Somebody famous must be reading our blogs!  Or at least someone from ESPN News.

Well I am going to head back to bed and actually try to sleep in a bed now. 

So I am all out of sorts.  Doctors suck and so does the month of February.  It snowed this evening so now I have snow covering the gray mix of sand and ice, ice which I slipped and fell on and landed on my hand, which is now all cut up.  Valentine's Day sucks.  I also have a growth under my tongue and the doctors want to take it out or do a biopsy, I can't remember.  My family has had a history of cancer in the mouth so it's not out of the realm of possibility. 
Anyone in Minneapolis?  I need you to do something for me.  Friday is a somewhat special day for me.  I miss Baja Sol so go there for me.  I used to hit that place up every time before we went to the Uptown Bar, Triple Rock, First Avenue, or Electric Fetus.  Please do it for me by proxy...all you can eat tortilla chips and the salsa bar...how awesome is that?

Well here is your dose of motivation:

Well I hope that does the trick...remember Baja Sol...

I didn't do this post last week so I have an overabundance of links.  I will offer some this evening and some tomorrow.  I think I am getting out of my funk.  I am debating whether or not I should rent a tux for this weekend.  I have no special events planned.  I just want to rent a tux and wear it around the house as I go about my daily routine also if I were to get a tux it would be for a special day and then I may visit a second rate casino.  Oh and it would have to come with a top hat and a cane but then I may have to visit the monocle store. 

I like comic books and there is always things in them that bother me.  They all have rules that they have to follow.  Marvel started breaking the comic code but now that comic books are hitting the big screen in a big way the movies have some stupid rules it seems that every comic book film series has to follow and here is a list of those 8 laws.

Network TV sucks!  There I said it.  There is no depth in the shows anymore.  OK so maybe I don't watch Lost so don't hold that against me but everything else insists upon itself or is a reality program.  To get people to continue watching networks have employed some dirty tactics and here is a list of 5 of their cheap tricks and they don't rock like the Rockford rock legends that my dad said regularly played weekends during the summer in my adopted hometown.

A few years ago, I bought my dad a couple of DVD sets for Christmas.  One was a Looney Tunes and the other was Tom and Jerry.  There was a warning label on the Looney Tunes set that said may include adult material.  I was intrigued.  It contained some objectionable racist material.  The Tom and Jerry one my dad said was altered in the voice of a female character.  Well here is a list of 5 classic cartoons that the man doesn't want you to see.

I posted a link to this one a long time ago and it has finally hit the shelves: GUITAR PRAISE!  Now instead of playing the heathen based Guitar Hero or Rock Band you can play all Christian rock songs.  My question is how does a person play the guitar is their hands are waving in the air.

This is the best idea for an alarm clock.  I am now trying to make one that wakes me up with the scent of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

Here is a fun website that honestly tells you the weather in your hometown.

I loved when Danger Mouse came out with the Grey Album and now I have found a website promoting Jaydiohead....trust me it's great.

Do you have a video game that you absolutely love but haven't conquered?  Well here is a site that has a list of different games from multiple systems that show how the game ends.  Now I can say I have seen the ending of every single SNES game that I own.

Can't give away too much but check out this site for a little something fun to do over the phone.

The Oscars on on Sunday.  Who are your favorites this year?  OK, I digress...here is a list of the worst Oscar winners in the awards' history.

I am trying to break my Xanga addiction with this awesome new game Super Obama World.  More stages are coming.

I hate spiders.  I got bit by one a few years ago and I almost lost my leg.  I am trying to overcome my fear of spiders by playing with this little toy.

Yahoo Answers gives me so much to laugh at like this one, this one, and most definitely this one.

I remember when this guy fought to get on the ballot for governor in Minnesota.  Oh how the mighty have fallen!

I want to buy hundreds because that is how evil I am but I can't because there is no salvation outside of the Catholic Church.

Remember when TGIF was the greatest night on television or at least when ABC had their sitcoms that featured a slew of child actors?  Have you ever wondered what happened to those kids?  Well here is a site that answers some of those questions.  God...Urkel looks horrible.

I see a buddy comedy/action film coming from this Craigslist entry.  Maybe a new Cheech and Chong movie or possibly a new Harold and Kumar movie...I'm getting writing.

I am hoping that these bands don't have managers because I know I can take them places.

I love Batman and I love the character The Joker.  I thought Heath Ledger's portrayal was stellar and he deserves a posthumous Oscar.  But I don't know as if I agree with this story.

Someone has taken it upon themselves to draw a response to the new Pepsi logo.  It seems quite fitting.

Well it's nice to know they don't do crack at Victoria's Secret but this is sort of ridiculous.

What to know why you are gaining weight?  This is why you are fat.  OK, it's why I am fat too.  Oh this aptly titled blog may be another reason why we are fat.

This kid is going places.  Read the column under his picture and then his statements.  Classic.

Are you sick of just plain vodka and don't want to shell out the big bucks for the flavored stuff?  Well here is a little tutorial to make your own flavored vodka with Skittles.  I am going to do this one of these weekends.

Well that is it for this part.  I'll have more tomorrow.