Day: April 1, 2009

  • My Last Two Posts

    Johnny Depp is alive and well and I am a single, miserable, old man.  I did the Johnny Depp joke two years ago when I had virtually no Xanga readership.  Blackbeard's Cove????  What am I on these days?

  • Johnny Depp dead at age 45

    "At World's End" may not be the end of the world, but it's the end of Johhny Depp.

    Johnny Depp fround dead last night in his Paris Apartment by his Wife/Girlfriend Vanessa Paradis. His death still preliminary is thought to be brought on by his smoking and thought to have caused a heart attack due to his coughing spells he has recently been suffering. More details to be released after his autopsy. The couple have two children, daughter Lily-Rose Melody Depp (born May 27, 1999) and son John "Jack" Christopher Depp III (born April 10, 2002).

    Johnny Depp was born in Owensboro, Kentucky June 9, 1963 to John Christopher Depp Sr. and Betty Sue Wells. He has one brother, Danny, and two sisters, Christie (who was formerly Johnny's personal manager) and Debbie. The Depp family has mostly Irish, German and Cherokee ancestry.

    Word on the Walt Disney Studios backlot is that, while "Pirates of the Caribbean: Blackbeard's Cove," which is set for a 2010 release, may not be the end of the franchise.

    According to insiders, Johnny Depp has said he would be interested in keeping the swaggering Capt. Jack Sparrow alive in other pirate adventures and, as the film's production director Rick Heinrichs says, "If Johnny's interested, why wouldn't they?"

    Many of the larger set pieces have been kept and put in storage.

    Costar Orlando Bloom says he too has heard the rumors.

    "But they haven't said anything to me," he said with a sad laugh during an interview, "so I guess I'm not coming back."

    In the meantime, those left hanging by "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" need have no fear — "Blackbeard's Cove" promises a complete end to the story begun in 2003's "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl."

    "All questions will be answered, but it's a great loss with Johnny gone." Bloom says.

    Johnny Depp will be greatly missed by fans of all ages.

  • Mortage Meltdown Leads to Ballpark Renaming

      Bank One won the naming rights for the Arizona Diamondbacks Stadium, so it began as BOB, the Bank One Ballpark. Aggressive Chase Bank bought up Bank One, so the stadium was renamed Chase Ballpark. That seemed appropriate, since the D-backs were always chasing the hot grounders hit past them.

    However, the mortgage crisis hit Chase so badly that they were forced to give up their naming rights, actually sub-letting the lease to another company, General Mills Food. Corporate lawyers were not sure they could do this at first, but an overnight decision from a circuit court allowed the controversial decision.

    The food company thought Jolly Green Ballpark sounded too childish, so they decided to go upscale for the benefit of tony Scottsdale, nearby. The new name will be the Lesueur Ballpark, after the region near Minneapolis where the peas are raised. The cold weather is especially good for the peas.

    April Dummkopf, the company spokesman, admitted that the name was tricky. "Ya, da name must be said correctly or it sounds yust like La Sewer. We don't like dat."

    The Chase public relations team vowed they would help get the bank back on its feet again so they could get the naming rights back. "It's so bad now, that when a customer starts a new account, we ask him for a toaster."

    A reporter for the Arizona Republican agreed. He said, "I stopped at my branch today and they couldn't give me change for a twenty."

    Dummkopf commented on the competition for naming rights from businesses in New Prague, MN, "Dem shitbird uppity Czechs dey ain't gettin' our park!" 

    Ed. note: The pronunciation of Prague in New Prague and the surrounding areas is pray-guh.

  • Motivation

    Oh so reality sucks and it is a dreary day in my world.  It rained all day and the brief moment of sunlight today was during a rainstorm so according to the old wives tales that means it will rain tomorrow.  There could possibly more snow.  I love this beautiful spring weather.





    Words are killing me.  I understand that Vane Dave was the Perez Hilton blogger, figures since he visited my site repeatedly after I posted a pulse about it being an April Fool's Day joke.  He never left a comment.  Why is Xanga trying to copulate with Facebook?  I am feeling horrible this evening so I think I am going to go drink until I can't feel feelings anymore. 
    That paragraph is brought to you by the Christopher Walken twitter that was shut down and Family Guy.
    The polls are still open in my Tournament of Randomocity.