10 | May | 2009 | godfatherofgreenbay's Xanga Site

So this is a little late. I was waiting for Xanga to fix all their bugs in the photo department but it doesn't seem to be working. Some photos I try to upload say that the server is unavailable. Ugh! Time to search for that sugar momma to get me the Lifetime badge.

This may be for some of my older crowd. Victoria Principal was on one the greatest television dramas called Dallas. Anyway she is crazy. She had her maid walk one of her dogs and the dog wouldn't go to the bathroom or the bushroom whatever you call it when a dog drops a deuce. The maid tried to explain to Victoria who was livid that they were late. She fired the maid on the spot and the maid argued that the dog was not going. Victoria then went and got a gun and starting threatening her maid with the gun. The maid ran and locked herself in a bathroom and called 911. She is suing Victoria for false imprisonment and infliction of emotional distress. Man, I think Victoria Principal thinks she is still on Dallas.

Ah...Trent Reznor has returned to the planet earth and he has brought with him a new girlfriend whose name is Mariqueen Maandig. He must love big eyebrows on his women. I wish them the best of luck and I hope that she does something with the brows and that Trent goes back to making some excellent rock music.

Traci Lords turned 41 this week and yes they double checked her ID to make sure. I don't think she would lie about age 41 to get into the movie biz. If you want to fully understand this go check out her wikipedia entry.

Tila Tequila has been going around town claiming that she is dating Ray J. This is perfect because they are both attention whores. I can't wait for that sex tape to come out. Apparently they were introduced to each other after they woke up in bed together. This relationship makes economic sense because now they can buy their Valtrex at Costco in bulk...god this is so easy to make fun of these two.

Cat Stevens or Yusuf Islam as he is now known is claiming that Coldplay has stolen one of his songs for their hit single Viva La Vida. He claims that they stole his song Foreigner Suite. Cat Stevens joins a long list of people accusing Coldplay of stealing songs for their hit Viva La Vida. A band named Creaky and Joe Satriani are suing Coldplay. Cat Stevens hasn't determined if he is going to seek legal action against the band. I have to admit that Viva La Vida is one of those songs that sounds like every other song made in the past ten years but if Coldplay did steal it from Cat Stevens, they have great taste in music.

Have you ever looked at Ali Lohan and couldn't believe she is 15? Then have you ever looked at Ali Lohan and asked yourself why isn't she in school if she is only 15? Her mother Dinah claims that Ali is homeschooled. Yeah that's going to turn out great. Look at what it did for Lindsay. I think Ali would grow up to be a better adjusted adult if she were raised by wolves or hookers.

So it appears as if Lindsay is quite happy in this photo and she actually looks younger than her 15 year old sister Ali. Why does Ali make me think that she'll be blowing guys for cigarettes before she gets her learner's permit? Oh yeah, Lindsay did that so Ali must.

Eartha Kitt is rolling in her grave. Beyonce has been selected to portray Eartha in a big screen movie about Kitt's life. Part of the movie will deal with Kitt's career as Catwoman on the Batman television series. I can just hear what Robin is going to have to say about Beyonce, "Holy atomic pile, Batman!" Beyonce better start learning how to purr.

Another celebrity has left us. Dom Deluise passed away in his sleep this week. He was 75. Dom was in so many movies in his career just check out his listing at IMDB. I still remember this skit from Saturday Night Live where Chris Farley played Deluise. Dom will be greatly missed.

This is Daisy De La Hoya. I will always remember her for all her snot bubbles on Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. Well she has her new dating show called Daisy of Love. I am surprised they didn't call if Daisy Chain which is basically what I think it will all boil down to. Anyway she was recently rushed to the emergency room after, according to a spokesperson, suffering from delirium caused by exhaustion. Some sources report that she suffered an overdose. I believe it was delirium but it was from all the collagen that finally leaked into her brain.

Christina Aguilera is set to make her big screen debut. She will be starring in a movie called Burlesque. Apparently it is part Showgirls mixed with a part of Glitter and a part of Coyote Ugly all shaken and served over a bit of Crossroads. I hope it does eclipse the epic box office receipts that Showgirls made. Hmmm I also will have to do a post about how I almost got in a fight at a video store over the movie Crossroads.

Katy Perry appeared a celebrity function this week with a mini version of her. You know I would love to have a mini version of myself. It would be all awesome and cool and then I would have him make puns about being small and me being big in his high pitched voice but then it would get creepy when I made him do reenactments of Twin Peaks.

Well Kate Moss is topless so I guess that means it is officially spring. Seriously, there was a stretch last year when she didn't wear a shirt or a bra for like 2 or 3 straight months....I LOVE SUMMER!

This is beyond creepy. Hulk Hogan is being kissed by his girlfriend and his daughter Brooke. Can you guess which is which? You know when the Hulkster was a wrestler he always told the little Hulkamaniacs to say their prayers. Well it looks like the Hulkster's prayers have finally been answered. Oh and can you guess who has a boner?....and don't be so quick to say Brooke.

Terrible news. Heidi Montag is set to pose for Playboy. The good news is that she won't be nude. All her bits and pieces will be covered. So what's the point of buying this Playboy if she isn't nude? Why are people still spending $8 or $10 for a nude magazine when they can get the photos free on the internet? What am I going to do with all this hand lotion?

This ladies man turned 48 this week. I think it's a good thing he grew up and lost that hair style. I'm not saying who he is. You have to guess.

Leonardo DiCaprio was planning on eating at an LA restaurant and he saw some tourists outside so he invited them to eat with him. Well one of the women was very...no extremely thankful for being invited. When they were seated she got up and took off her shirt and started to give Leo a lap dance right there in the restaurant. Why doesn't this happen to me? The most impressive thing that ever happened to me at a bar was getting a free drink...OK I have other stories but you have to know me better to hear those. Oh and the best thing ever at a restaurant...being seated next to Green Bay Packer Gilbert Brown and watching him eat 3 full racks of ribs, 3 baked potatoes, and 3 baskets of dinner rolls and he never touched his salad.

Lady Gaga has dollies for nipples? Huh...I guess that took me by surprise although it shouldn't have.

So Khloe "the Hulk" Kardashian broke up with her boyfriend Rashad McCants a few weeks ago and she is already dating a new pro sports player. This time she went to the NFL and found Derek Ward of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I doubt they are really dating. Ward probably hired the Hulk to help him train in the offseason. Look at her and try not to picture her playing linebacker. If they were spotted on a date it was only because in a practice session she hit him so hard that she gave him a concussion and he didn't realize where he was.

Well the Jon and Kate plus 8 story is getting interesting. Jon is denying that he cheated on Kate and Kate is acting like nothing has happened. The woman that Jon cheated with has said different things like they did and then she said they didn't. Well her brother came out and said that he was at her house and heard her and Jon making sexy time noises. Then the woman's ex boyfriend came out and said that he is releasing a sextape that he made with her. He is selling it under the guise that this woman broke up Jon and Kate's marriage. I may actually watch the next season if they talk about this stuff. Also, why is it that everyone has a sextape but me?

So people have been asking, why did Mel Gibson's wife finally file for divorce after years of his infidelity? Allegedly he sat down the family and made the announcement that his Russian model girlfriend is pregnant. Wow, she sure knows how to dig for that gold. She saw, he came, I laughed.

GUESS THE ASS! I hope her ass isn't wet from all the time she spends with the hottest man in TV, Regis Pillbin. Kelly Ripa

Speaking of Kelly Ripa, here she is on vacation. Wow, she is...ripped. Is that a belly button or is she pregnant and the fetus is trying to make an escape? Maybe she is just on Madonna's steroid and weightlifting plan.

Here we see Miranda Kerr and Karolina Kurkova. I HATE RACISM! These photos show obvious racism. NO TAXIS ARE PICKING THEM UP! The blatant discrimination against white supermodels must END NOW! I bet you thought I was going to bring up the Nazi salutes. No, I am a champion for supermodel rights.

Gloria Aldred is claiming that Octo-crazy is violating child labor laws by having her babies photographed and followed around by cameras for this documentary. The labor laws for children regarding tv and movies is that they cannot work for more than two consecutive hours at a time. This is why many sitcoms that have babies use twins. I think Octo-Crazy better not show Gloria all those new sewing machines she just bought with tax payer money.

Hey, ladies, do you remember when you got bored with your Barbie dolls and you gave them hair cuts? Well that looks like what happened to Kelly Osbourn, the same goes for her make-up. I just hope that she can't breed like Barbie.

Paula Abdul finally admitted that she was addicted to pain killers. Ummmm....DUH? Apparently it got so bad that last year she had to be sent to rehab. I have to admit that she doesn't act like she is on some distant planet on this season of American Idol so I guess this is going in a good direction.

Does anyone bother telling Rihanna that what she wears doesn't look good? I have never seen her wear the same thing twice. No wonder she is broke. Apparently in the other photo, that is what it looks like when doves cry. Man she does look like a cross between Prince and Morris Day. I now need to go bathe myself in the cleansing waters of Lake Minnetonka but I have to stay away from the Minnesota Vikings' Love Boat. I am so going to watch Purple Rain tonight...oh wee oh wee oh! Oh and supposedly a hacker got naked pics of Rihanna...you can see them here. It's not safe for work. He also claims he is going to post some other photos he has hacked belonging to JLO and Jamie Foxx and possibly a couple movies....EVERYONE HAS A SEXTAPE BUT ME!

During the filming of his new movie, Bruno, Sacha Baron Cohen decided he needed to be "authentically gay" so he decided he needed to bleach ALL his body hair. He had a reaction in a certain area he bleached and it left him unable to sit for three days. WHAT AN ACTOR! If this movie doesn't win him an Oscar, I don't know what will.

GUESS THE ASS! This ass won't lie when it says it belongs to the greatest Columbian export since cocaine. Shakira

David Hasselhoff hit the bottle a little too hard last weekend. His daughter found him passed out and unresponsive. She called his ex-wife and she rushed over and had him sent to the hospital. His blood alcohol level was .39 which is almost 5 times the legal limit. The Hoff was treated and released. This was his seventh time in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. I think its about time the Hoff ride Kitt to rehab and get some help.

Vanessa Hudgens wants to have an open relationship with her supposed boyfriend Zac Efron. He wants to remain single and she and she wants a man for herself because she is sick of being the one in the relationship not getting any dick. I'd love to help her pump her...gas...I wonder how long it will take me to get to LA.

Will Smith was interviewed this week and he says he wants to be put on the list to be the first black James Bond. He also went on to say that Diddy could be an excellent James Bond. I think Diddy would be a horrible choice to play James Bond, he can't even get down the role of Diddy. The said thing that no one has yet mentioned to the Fresh Prince is that there is no list or plans to switch the actor playing James Bond.

Speaking of Will Smith, his son Jaden is set to star in the remake of the Karate Kid. Well a website got their hands on a script. The story goes that a mom is put in a bind: lose her job or transfer to China. She transfers. Her and her son don't know the culture so they have a rough time fitting in. Dre(Jaden Smith) attracts the local bullies and they start beating him up. Dre meets Mr. Han(Mr. Miyagi) played by Jackie Chan. Mr. Han is the janitor of the apartment complex where Dre and his mom live. Mr. Han watches as Dre tries to learn karate from a video game and then he sees the bruises so Mr. Han takes it upon himself to teach Dre martial arts and the Chinese language. Jackie Chan is the comedic role and of course there is a love interest. This sounds like a pile of crap.

Some topless photos of Miss California Carrie Prejean have been released. Yes, good Christian girls pose topless before they turn 19. Also, there may be a good explanation as to why she is so against gay marriage or same marriage as she calls it. When her parents went through a divorce, her mom accused her dad of ruining their marriage because he was gay. So I guess that means she is scarred. Listen to her explanation for the photos at the end.

This is great! Prince is still acting like the 5'3" diva that he is. Apparently he was spotted in a crowd and he would tap people with a diamond encrusted cane to get them to move. He's carrying around a diamond encrusted cane that is worth more than what most people make in a year during this time of economic uncertainty. That's pretty smart.

You sometimes there are questions that are asked when honesty isn't the best policy if you answer. This week Shia LaBeouf was asked who the sexiest woman was. He answered that his mom was the sexiest woman he knew because of her looks and that he would marry her if she wasn't his mother. Damn motherhood! Paging Oedipus! I wonder if she had a happy Mother's Day.

A spokesperson said Amy Winehouse passed out this week from dehydration. People are saying she was just drunk and taken to a hospital where she was given an IV treatment. After Amy was released she went back to the bar where she passed out. You know what? Amy Winehouse is quite smart...yes, I said smart. She is protecting herself from swine flu because you know that alcohol kills germs.

Britney Spears has sent her list of desires for her hotel stay in London while she performs in that country. She wants stripper poles placed in all her bedrooms so she can work out. I guess that explains why most of the strippers I knew were in such great shape. Hmmm this has me thinking...would you rather watch Britney work a stripper pole or Michael Moore eat hotwings without a shirt?