Ugh...it was 90 here today. It just sort of sprang up on me. There were frost warnings here on the weekend. I didn't really know it was that warm today because I was in a cool place all day. So I need this motivation to help me write. I have three blog ideas running through my head but it doesn't seem like I have the time to write them out. Maybe tomorrow.
Ah....can you find the spelling error? I just noticed it. Well I am off to go enjoy some skittle vodka or maybe I will tap into something else. Anyway, I hope you all have a great night and an excellent day.
I am going to do a few of these a week so that I don't waste all of your precious time. I apologize for past instances when I have posted links and made you sit for long periods of time. Anyway on to the links.
We live in a society that is fueled by paranoia. A few entrepreneurs have tried to capitalize on that paranoia. Here are 7 products that are for the paranoid. Penn and Teller ripped into that parachute on an episode of Bullshit. I wish I could find that episode...maybe another link post.
I had a friend in grade school that refused to drink water because it didn't have any taste. Needless to say he wasn't very healthy. Maybe if he saw these 5 ways to make water do magic, he would have changed his mind.
Have you ever wondered what happens to the experiments that scientists do that don't work out? Well here are 5 accidental inventions from failed experiments. I'd say those greatly changed the world. If it wasn't for the microwave, I know some people who wouldn't be able to eat.
During college I had a problem. I caught many of my classmates masturbating. That being said, I thought this video was hilarious. I think what we learn is we don't masturbate in our vehicles and if we do, don't have the moon roof open or do it in broad daylight.
Sports Illustrated complied the All Scandal Team. That is pretty sad. Bud Selig was giving a commencement speech at the University of Wisconsin in Madison this weekend. Screw protesting Obama at Notre Dame, as Americans we need to protest anything Bud Selig does since he has tainted AMERICA'S NATIONAL PAST TIME! If any drug abuser gets into the Hall of Fame, Pete Rose, despite his mullet, must be admitted on the spot.
Supposedly, Star Wars is going to be at Disney on a few weekends during May and June. These posters promoting the event makes up for the recent trilogy.
I hated taking Latin in high school. The old say, "Latin is a language as dead as dead can be. It killed the Romans and now it's killing me," rang true for me. Well if I had this site of how to swear in Latin maybe then I would have had more fun.
I have posted links to Mental Floss before but mostly the quizzes. Here is a list of seven college cheating scandals. My favorite one is about Henry Ford II.
Apparently there is some fetish out there of naked women posing nude as food. I don't know how else to describe it so I'll let the people at Muki's Kitchen show you.
Ah, applesauce! Now I can talk like my grandparents. Now I am going to study this list and go get ossified and see if any palookas want to razz me and if I win I may come home with a tomato.
A - Available: sadly, yes - Age: 29 - Annoyance: Doctors and people using me - Animal: I have been described as a big fat party animal
B - Beer: Anything from the good people at Schell's or the New Glarus Brewing Company, Hipster beer=PBR and Grain Belt Premium - Birthday: I can't really remember, too much football - Best Friends: You? - Body Part on opposite sex: Acceptance of who I am - Best feeling in the world: Feeling loved - Blind or Deaf: Deaf - Best weather: low 70s, no clouds, light breeze - Been in Love: yes - Been on stage?: yes and I was hit with a pie - Believe in Magic: I told the Lovin' Spoonful, NO - Believe in God: lately it has been very difficult - Believe in Santa: he hates me, he hasn't given me presents since I was a child
C - Candy: I am digging these Soda Poppers...Dr. Pepper flavored candy - Color: Navy - Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla - Chinese/Mexican: I enjoy Americanized Chinese - Cake or pie: Depends on the cake or pie, I won't refuse a sour cream and raisin pie - Continent to visit: Europe - Cheese: I have a cheesehead, I live in Wisconsin
D - Day or Night: the night time is the right time - Dance in the rain?: I have hurt my ankles doing that - Do the splits?: I did once and I was out of commission for a few days
E - Eggs: sometimes, I enjoy eggs benedict - Eyes: I have been told I have numerous colors: grey, blue, green - Everyone's got: learn sometimes...reference? - Ever failed a class?: Does college piano classes count? I had 17 classes in a semester and only went to 1 class
F - First thoughts waking up: how the hell did I lose my pants - Food: I want some wonton soup and a sour cream and raisin pie G - Greatest Fear: Failing and being alone for the rest of my life - Goals: get published, place in the world series of poker, and I suppose I should say something about teaching - Gum: any with the alcohol gum - Get along with your parents?: next - Good luck charm: I have a lucky condom although it hasn't given me much luck
H - Hair Color: it varies depending on my mood, some days dishwater blond and some days dark brown - Happy: not really - Holiday: I hate them because I have had family or friends die on every single major holiday - How do you want to die: how I lived I - Ice Cream: Chocolate chip cookie dough or anything by the good people at Culver's although that is technically frozen custard - Instrument: Did I mention piano, I play guitar but I can't do guitar hero
J - Jewelry: I put in my earrings and eyebrow ring the other night after not wearing them for months - Job: teacher and aspiring writer
K - Kids: what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...so none - Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing. - Keep a journal?: I occasionally write in a notebook and it is mostly random insane thoughts L - Longest Car Ride: 14 hours, by myself, Denver to Madison - Love: Apparently not meant for me - Letter: W - Laughed so hard you cried: every once in a while
M - Milk flavor: I live in Wisconsin and I do not enjoy milk unless I get it straight from the tap - Movies: too many favorites to name, the last good movie I saw was The Wrestler - Motion sickness: Only when my dad is driving - McD’s or BK: Can I pass since I am off fast food
N - Number of Siblings: None - Number of Piercings: three, used to have 7 or I can remember 7 - Number: 75 or 79
O - One wish: cliche-an infinite amount of wishes
P - Perfect Pizza: Pepperoni and sausage - Pepsi/Coke: I am loving the new Throwback Pepsi Pets: I have two cats and you can see them below
Q - Quail:I made a recipe for Quail ala Sinatra however I used one of those Cornish hens
R - Reason to cry: loneliness-it's crippling - Reality T.V.: I hate it but it's a trainwreck that I have to watch, at least the garbage on VH-1 - Radio Station: they still have radio - Roll your tongue in a circle?: no but it's a requirement for a future wife - Ring size: 15 or 16
S - Song: I have been playing Creed on one of my guitars...What's This Life For and My Own Prison...I can't believe I am on a Creed kick, it took me forever to get my guitar in the tuning they use - Salad Dressing: Ranch and Caesar plus I got this crazy stuff called Jamaican but I can eat it because I may have to take some drug tests. - Sushi: I've only had it twice, once at a Chinese buffet and then at a classy grocery store in Eden Prairie - Skipped school: My senior year, I was there for shiggles because I had enough credits for graduation at Junior year, anyway every Monday was a day off - Slept outside: I have done some of that camping - Smoked?: yes, I love my cigars and Lucky Strikes and other things - Skinny dipped?: I grew up in a house that was situated across the street from a lake and I lived next to twin girls who were very curious about boys. - Shower daily?: yes - Sing well?: I was in choir in college for 8 of 10 semesters - Sing in the Shower?: I thought showering was to get clean - Swear?: I swear I don't sing in the shower...I do have a foul mouth on occasion - Strawberries/Blueberries: blueberries because strawberries set off my asthma
T - Time for bed: 2 or 3, I get by on like 3 or 4 hours of sleep and I sleep my floor because it makes my back feel better - Thunderstorms: they can be fun and should be respected, I chased them when I lived out by Little House on the Prairie U - Unpredictable: Sadly, no
V - Vacation spot: My backyard, under a tree with a case of beer and a book
W - Weakness: smiles and laughter - Which one of your friends acts the most like you: The Croatian Sensation? - Who makes you laugh the most: Woody Paige and Brian Cranston - Wanted to be a model?: No. - Where do we go when we die?: Our bodies become worm food - Worst Weather?: high temperatures, high humidity and no breeze
X - X-Rays: Too many, I hate the ultrasounds, they are so painful and I can't believe they put pregnant women through them - Ex's: throwing their seemingly perfect family in my face
Y - Year it is now: 2009 - Yellow: I am looking at a bottle of Citrus Vodka that has a yellow label Z - Zoo animal: anything that doesn't fling feces at me
LAST PERSON WHO… 1. Slept in a bed beside you?: god I can't remember how sad is that, a cat slept on my chest last night 2. You went to the mall with?: um...Skinny Wolf? 3. You went to dinner with?: My mom 4. You talked to on the phone?: a former student 5. Made you laugh?: a kid at church who asked if he could sit on my shoulders 6. Hugged you?: can't remember 7. Said they loved you?: does Jesus count? No...well I have no clue, I think a bartender said he loved my business 8. Held your hand?: I am such a sad person 9. You spoke with?: my mom 10. You cried over?: no comment
My Cats Kiki Yes that is my cat Kiki and that is one of my old football cleats. I wear a 17EEE
Lua She is a bad ass and I don't mess with her.
So that is a little view into my life...I love the song below and sometimes I thought it was written about me. "I am what I am, doctor, you ain't gotta love me"
Ugh...my life sucks right now. I'm not going to say fuck my life because it isn't quite there but it isn't my life is average. I am slacking on here and I have become obsessed with the whole credit craze. Eventually I will grow out of that phase. Does anyone else out there watch WGN? Every weeknight at 11:30ish they have a commercial for an erectile dysfunction treatment called the Post-E-Vac and it's followed by a Valtrex commercial...every night. I find it funny. On to the round up. A few weeks ago I forgot to announce the news that everyone already knew. Wanda Sykes is a lesbian. Well this week it was announced that Wanda and her wife had twins, a boy and a girl. Twins, that must be a handful. Hopefully they won't chew up her shoes. That's what babies do right, they chew up shoes? Oh that's puppies. Remember the reality series Growing Up Gotti? I despised that show. They were all wannabes and trust me, they were wannabes and just living off the Teflon Don's name. Anyway Victoria Gotti's mansion is now in foreclosure. Apparently she owed something like $700,000 on the house. I have heard this economy is hitting the mafia hard however they aren't affiliated. I bet they could avoid foreclosure if they gave up their hairspray, tanning cream, bronzer, lip gloss and teeth whitener. Vanessa Hudgens has been talking about an upcoming movie role and she is extremely proud of this part because it will require her to be fully nude. Well if you have followed my blog for some time her nudity wouldn't surprise you. Paul Abdul presented former American Idol contestant Scott MacIntyre a seeing eye dog this week. Paula better hope that the dog also hasn't been trained to seek out drugs and by licking that is how it communicates it has found the stash. And because Paula is crazy, I wonder if she will act like the dog and start sniffing Scott's crotch, oh wait she already has. This whore had a rough week. First Paris decided to throw a party. When the guests started to leave they were shocked to find their cars vandalized: keyed and covered in eggs. Paris freaked out and called the police, who started interviewing neighbors because that night Paris' party received numerous noise complaints. The police also interviewed Paris as a possible suspect but they ruled her out when they noticed that the party-goers cars' tailpipes weren't covered with Paris' lipstick. The other occurrence to Paris came yesterday. Someone called her anonymously and said that her dog, Tinkerbell, had been run over. Paris was frantic and screaming. A neighbor heard her screams and called the police. They arrived just as Paris found the dog. I am shocked that Paris wept over a dog. I mean it wasn't so long ago that she just left some of her pets at the vet's office for a few weeks because she forgot that they were there. She could just go out and buy another dog. Oprah Winfrey gave a commencement speech at Duke last Sunday. She said that she was thankful for having a home and mansion that didn't burn down in the California wildfires. She said she was also thankful for her private jet. You know, I'm with Oprah on this. I am thankful for my house and my private jet. Of course my jet is a model I made when I was 12. You know over the past year I have gained some fame and there is nothing quite like the smiles I get. Especially the smiles from the naked women that wake up next to me. Oh wait...an obese blogger can dream, can't he? My friend Andrew W.K. turned 30 this week. Wow, I always thought my friend was much older than that. Maybe following the Britney Spears' diet of eating nothing but Cheetos and peanuts has caught up with him or maybe it is that heavy metal lifestyle. Anyway, I hope my friend Andrew W.K. had a happy birthday. People are claiming that Angelina Jolie is having problems on the set of her new movie. They have said that she retreats to her trailer and cries uncontrollably and then has taken to cutting herself. They were thinking of delaying shooting but tight budgets have limited them so they are just using extra make-up to cover her wounds. You know it wouldn't be the first time Angelina has practiced self-harm, after all she married Billy Bob Thornton. Beyonce has been telling people close to her that she is tired of show business and wants to take off two years. Two years? That's it? She could go away forever and I wouldn't miss her and her horrible acting. Hopefully that story about her playing Eartha Kitt turns out to be false. Boy George was released from jail this week after serving 4 months of a 15 month sentence for chaining a male prostitute to a radiator. You know, he looks pretty healthy. I bet Boy George had a gay old time in the pokey. Brooke Hogan didn't invite her mother to her 21st birthday party last week. That's right, she's only 21. She looks like she has a bright future as a lot lizard. Do you blame Brooke for not inviting her mom? Linda Hogan is dating a guy that is younger than Brooke and who was a grade school classmate with her son Nick. Then the Hulkster is no saint. He's dating a woman that looks almost exactly like Brooke. God, her parents are horrible. It's like choosing between Hitler and Stalin in a nice guy contest. This is Casey Ray. She was hanging out in an alley behind a hotel and she started looking in a dumpster and found a booklet. She read it and noticed the characters had the same names as the characters from Twilight. She had found a script of the upcoming sequels. Well Casey did the right thing and turned the script in to the movie company. She was rewarded with movie passes to the premier of the next Twilight installment and an autographed copy of a script by the entire cast. No one has questioned why Casey was hanging out in an alley behind a hotel and searching a dumpster. Hmmm I wonder what she was doing. I think you have read my thoughts on Twilight and understand why this is divine retribution. A dumpster is the perfect place for anything Twilight related. This is for the Ladyofabundance, she reminded me of this story last week. Natalie Portman is supposedly seeing Sean Penn even though he is married to Robin Wright. Penn has told people that Natalie is the first person that has stimulated him mentally. I bet while they are doing another kind of stimulation, Natalie recites Chairman Mao's Little Read Book...hell, that gets me every time. And as was pointed out by The Lady of Abundance, Sean Penn goes from a marriage with Princess Buttercup to cheating with Princess Padme Amidala. Yeah, I get the reference, do you? No links, you do the search. This is a recent photo of Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks. I heard that they were changing the name of the band to The Dixie Pricks because Natalie is now going by Nathaniel because she is a man and a handsome one at that. Actually I have no clue so Dixie Chicks fans leave me alone. You shouldn't even be a Dixie Chicks fan if you are an American according to Toby Keith...god, why do I know all this country music. This is Minka Kelly. She didn't really do anything noteworthy this week aside from wearing spandex. I find Minka to be the best thing about Friday night television programming because she is on my favorite show, Friday Night Lights. Oh yeah, me staying in on a Friday night so I can watch Minka...I AM SO COOL! No, if Miley says John Hill is cool than he is iiicccee cold!!! See this is why I don't follow Twitter. I think I have a special links entry just devoted to Twitter pages. Anyway why does Miley need a Twitter when she has her own Xanga page. Mariah Carey is in a new movie called Precious. I just read about this movie on a Xangans blog earlier this week and thought it was an intriguing story. Some people are saying that this role will gain Mariah a nomination for an Oscar. Wow, she has come a long ways since Clitter(TYPO STAYS!). This week she has been at the Cannes Film Festival promoting Precious. I wonder how you say in French, "Hey, look at that crazy lady's cleavage." Well Madonna has found her own personal Jesus and she plans on marrying him in some sort of Kabalah ceremony. Ummm....Jesus....Madonna....isn't that incest? This is what I think of when I hear of Jesus and Madonna. Cher squeezed into her outfit from the 1992 video for If I Could Turn Back Time this week. 1992 left, 2009 right. Cher is 62 if you didn't know. I have no clue why she decided to bring that outfit out of retirement but there are somethings that need to stay retired. Are you listening Brett Favre? So let's get this straight...there is a magazine on the market called Coco that is entirely about Coco and contains photos and articles about Coco which are written by Coco and then edited by Coco and then published by Coco? Wow, may have more than two assets. If you look closely at the cover shot of Coco, look at the address label where the target audience is clearly labeled, may have to enlarge. That's Fergie. She doesn't look too g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s. And now way would I want to touch her tacos not even for 69cents. I don't think I would even pay 69cents to go see her perform. I have asked this question before, but is she going bald? I've heard that meth does that to a person. There is a rumor and this one may be true, please sit down...Lindsay Lohan may be pregnant. Yeah, I know, that's odd. I thought all her lady parts rotted off from all that drug abuse or a strain of the PHI(Paris Hilton Infection). Apparently after her break-up with Sam Ronson, Lindsay started sleeping with any man that had a pulse. A source said that Lindsay even booked an appointment at an abortion clinic but decided not to go because she thinks a baby may win back Sam. I don't know what to believe here. This week on Twitter, Lenny Kravitz posted a photo of himself taking a shower. This photo boosted his number of Twitter followers. Now if only he could produce another hit album complete with cover songs. Guess the ass! There is an awful lot that is being hidden. I wonder what our Gossip Girl has to hide. Leighton Meester Well it looks like we have found Meatloaf's long lost love child. That's Kelly Clarkson channelling her inner Meatloaf. No she isn't his daughter, she just really looks like him. Her song My Life Would Suck is so addicting. It's the first thing on my lips in the morning. I wish I had something else on my lips in the morning but I will stop right there. The Jon and Kate story has just begun. I thought last week was bad. Now, Jon's brother is going around telling people that Jon and Kate have split up and divorce papers are being drawn up. He also is saying that Kate has been cheating with one of their bodyguards. WTF! They have bodyguards!?!?!?!?! I thought they were real and their show was reality. How many real people have bodyguards? Anyway, I am not really believing any of the divorce talk or cheating rumors. I think that Kate is behind all this because she seems like an evil mastermind that would come up with these stories to boost interest in their show and the rating and that way they get more FREE SHIT! The funniest thing Jon's brother said is that the show isn't reality. NO! He said it is more like a trainwreck. So basically like every other reality show? God...whatever happened to the sitcom? Oh good sitcom news, FOX has turned down airing the remake of Absolutely Fabulous. Jessica Simpson is back on tour. This photo is from her performance at a rib eating festival in San Antonio. It looks like Jessica was a contestant in the eating contest. Oh and I hope you can be proud of me but I am taking the high road and I am not going to make fun of the fact that later in the week Jessica performed at Sea World. No, I will not make a joke about Jessica fitting in at the Shamu tank. I am above that. Fran Drescher is trying to stay relevant through Twitter just like Kirstie Alley and Melissa Gilbert. Fran Drescher...ugh...the only thing I wonder is if they were all at the same time or if they waited in line. This is another reason why Twitter isn't for me. I have been asked by a few of you to post some male celebrities that are nude. Well it doesn't happen that often but here is Dolph Lundgren. YES! DOLPH LUNDGREN! I will post a link to the uncensored version if you want to see Dolph Lundgren naked. BY THE POWER OF GRAY SKULL I GIVE YOU NUDITY! I am a total nerd for the He-Man reference. Amy Winehouse returned to the stage last weekend in St. Lucia. It wasn't much of a performance because she was drunk. The people booed her off the stage and before she left Amy said, "Fuck you." Wow, I'm surprised it wasn't worse and that she didn't go ballistic or end up in the hospital with an overdose.
Danny Gokey was voted off American Idol this week. I was sad but then I saw a video of him performing at his hometown day. He forgot the lyrics to the song and then there was his butchering of Dream On
Heidi Montag...oops Heidi Pratt released her new video this week. Why am I not impressed?
1. Before the Boston Tea Party, the British actually lowered tea taxes, not raised them.
2.England’s King George I was actually German.
3. Abel Tasman “discovered” Tasmania, New Zealand and Fiji, on his first voyage, but managed to completely miss mainland Australia!
4. Ethnic Irishman Bernardo O’Higgins was the first president of the Republic of Chile.
5. Thomas Jefferson and John Adams both died on the same day - the 50th anniversary of the U.S. Declaration of Independence.
6. When the American Civil War started, Confederate Robert E. Lee owned no slaves. Union general U.S. Grant did.
7. Kaiser Wilhelm II, Tsar Nicholas II and George V were all grandchildren of Queen Victoria.
8. Karl Marx was once a correspondent for the New York Daily Tribune.
9. Josef Stalin once studied to be a priest.
10. Henry Kissinger and Yassir Arafat won the Nobel Peace Prize. Gandhi never did.
11. The Constitution of the Confederate States of America banned the slave trade.
12. The Finnish capital of Helsinki was founded by a Swedish king in 1550.
13. The “D” in D-Day stands for “Day” - “Day-Day”
14. There was a New Australia in Paraguay in the 1890s.
15. A New Orleans man hired a pirate to rescue Napoleon from his prison on St. Helena.
16. Like Dracula, there really was a King Macbeth. He ruled Scotland from 1040 to 1057.
17. In 1839, the U.S. and Canada fought the bloodless “War of Pork and Beans”.
18. Despite the reputation, Mussolini never made the trains run on time.
19. The world powers officially outlawed war under the 1928 Kellogg-Briand Pact.
20. Ancient Egypt produced at least six types of beer.
21. Charles Darwin married his first cousin.
22. John F. Kennedy, Anthony Burgess, Aldous Huxley, and C.S. Lewis all died on the same day.
23. Officially, the longest war in history was between the Netherlands and the Isles of Scilly, which lasted from 1651 to 1986. There were no casualties.
24. Gay marriage was legally recognized in Rome, and Nero himself married at least two gay couples.
25. Adolf Hitler’s nephew, William Hitler, immigrated to the United States in 1939 and fought against his uncle.
26. Thomas Paine was elected to the first post-revolution French parliament, despite not speaking a word of the language.
27. William Howard Taft is the only US President to come third in his campaign for re-election, losing to eventual winner Woodrow Wilson and fellow Republican Theodore Roosevelt.
28. Technically, Henry VIII had only two wives. Four of his marriages were annulled.
29. King Richard II invented the handkerchief.
30. The Parliament of Iceland is the oldest still acting parliament in the world. It was established in 930.
31. The people who founded the Futurism art movement also founded the first Italian Fascist party in 1918.
32. Albert Einstein was offered the role of Israel’s second President in 1952, but declined.
33. New Zealand was the first country to enfranchise women. It gave them the vote in 1895.
34. The 27th amendment to the US constitution took 202 years to ratify, having been proposed in 1789 and finally ratified in 1992.
35. Until April 2008, the island of Sark remained the last feudal state in Europe.
36. Tomatoes were considered poisonous for many years in Europe and they were grown for ornamental reasons only. In fact, the leaves and stems of tomatoes are poisonous (but they can be used in moderation for food flavoring).
37. Soon after building started in 1173, the foundation of the Pisa tower settled unevenly. Construction was stopped, and was continued only a 100 years later. Therefore, the leaning tower was never straight.
38. Ancient Egyptians used slabs of stones as pillows.
39. People have been wearing glasses for about 700 years.
40. King Charles the Second often rubbed dust from the mummies of pharaohs so he could “absorb their ancient greatness.
41. In 1752, there were only 354 days in Great Britain and its colonies. This was because Britain adopted the Gregorian Calendar in place of the Julian calendar. The lost days were September 3 - September 13 inclusive.
42. The Hundred Years’ War (a war to determine who the rightful King of France would be) was actually 116 years long. It was during this war that Saint Joan rose up in France to lead her army to victory.
43. From the year 1309 to 1377, the Roman Catholic Papacy was not based in Rome - it was based in Avignon, France. This was primarily over a dispute with the Holy Roman Empire. In 1378, Pope Gregory XI returned the seat of the Pope to Rome.
44. Arabic numerals (the ones used in English) were not invented by the Arabs at all - they were actually invented by Indian mathematicians. They were modified and transferred to North African Arab mathematicians and transmitted to Europe in the Middle Ages.
45. After the U.S Civil War, about 33% - 50% of all U.S. paper currency in circulation was counterfeit.
46. In 1938, Time Magazine declared Adolf Hitler “Man of the Year”. In the same year he took full and absolute command over the German military, stated that he intended to crush Czechoslovakia, took greater control over Austria by threatening to invade, and expelled 12,000 Jews from Germany.
47. In 1685, playing cards were used as currency in New France (the French territories of North America) because of a coin shortage.
48. In 1892, Italy raised the minimum age for marriage for girls - to 12.
49. The first contraceptives were used in Ancient Egypt. Egyptian women would use vaginal suppositories made of acidic substances and lubricated with honey or oil.
50. The shortest war on record was fought between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 45 minutes.
51. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
52. “In God We Trust” was not officially the motto of the United States of America until 1956. The Congressional Record of that year reads: “At the present time the United States has no national motto. The committee deems it most appropriate that ‘In God we trust’ be so designated as U.S. national motto.”
53. John Aubrey, the diarist, tells a story about the Earl of Oxford. When the Earl made a low obeisance to the Queen, he happened to let go a fart, at which he was so ashamed that he left the country for 7 years. At his return the Queen welcomed him and said, “My lord, I had forgot the fart”!
54. Despite the terrible nature of and damage caused by the 1666 Great Fire of London, only 8 people were killed. This is despite the fire destroying at least 13,500 houses.
55. In 74 AD, Emperor Vespasian had run out of money due to a civil war. In order to raise funds, he created the world’s first public pay toilets. When his son Titus criticized him for it, Vespasian pointed out that money (even earned through urine) did not smell. This gave rise to the common saying “Pecunia non olet” - “money does not smell”.
56. The Bank of America was originally called the Bank of Italy. It was created in 1904 by Amadeo Giannini to cater to immigrants from Italy. After merging in the 1920s with the “Bank of America, Los Angeles”, it officially became “Bank of America”.
57. In the First Liberian War in the 1990s, General Joshua Milton Blahyi (also known as General Butt Naked) would lead his troops naked except for shoes and a gun - he did this at the suggestion of the devil, who Blahyi claims telephoned him at age 11. He believed it would protect him from the bullets (and apparently it did - as he is still alive, though he is now a religious preacher).
58. At the start of World War I, the US Airforce (then a component of the US army) had only 18 pilots and 5 - 12 airplanes.
59. Contrary to popular belief and legend, Daniel Boone not only did not wear a coonskin cap, he detested them. Instead, Boone wore a felt cap.
60. In 1838, General Antonio López de Santa Anna (President of Mexico) had his leg amputated after his ankle was destroyed by canon-fire. He ordered a full military burial for it.
English Language
25. “Rhythms” is the longest English word without the normal vowels, a, e, i, o, or u.
24. Excluding derivatives, there are only two words in English that end -shion and (though many words end in this sound). These are cushion and fashion.
23. “THEREIN” is a seven-letter word that contains thirteen words spelled using consecutive letters: the, he, her, er, here, I, there, ere, rein, re, in, therein, and herein.
22. There is only one common word in English that has five vowels in a row: queueing.
21. Soupspoons is the longest word that consists entirely of letters from the second half of alphabet.
20. “Almost” is the longest commonly used word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
19. The longest uncommon word whose letters are in alphabetical order is the eight-letter Aegilops (a grass genus).
18. The longest common single-word palindromes are deified, racecar, repaper, reviver, and rotator.
17. “One thousand” contains the letter A, but none of the words from one to nine hundred ninety-nine has an A.
16. “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in English.
15. Cwm (pronounced “koom”, defined as a steep-walled hollow on a hillside) is a rare case of a word used in English in which w is the nucleus vowel, as is crwth (pronounced “krooth”, a type of stringed instrument). Despite their origins in Welsh, they are accepted English words.
14. “Asthma” and “isthmi” are the only six-letter words that begin and end with a vowel and have no other vowels between.
13. The nine-word sequence I, in, sin, sing, sting, string, staring, starting (or starling), startling can be formed by successively adding one letter to the previous word.
12. “Underground” and “underfund” are the only words in the English language that begin and end with the letters “und.”
11. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.
10. Antidisestablishmentarianism listed in the Oxford English Dictionary, was considered the longest English word for quite a long time, but today the medical term pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is usually considered to have the title, despite the fact that it was coined to provide an answer to the question ‘What is the longest English word?’.
9. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.
8. There are many words that feature all five regular vowels in alphabetical order, the commonest being abstemious, adventitious, facetious.
7. The superlatively long word honorificabilitudinitatibus (27 letters) alternates consonants and vowels.
6. “Fickleheaded” and “fiddledeedee” are the longest words consisting only of letters in the first half of the alphabet.
5. The two longest words with only one of the six vowels including y are the 15-letter defenselessness and respectlessness.
4. “Forty” is the only number which has its letters in alphabetical order. “One” is the only number with its letters in reverse alphabetical order.
3. Bookkeeper is the only word that has three consecutive doubled letters.
2. Despite the assertions of a well-known puzzle, modern English does not have three common words ending in -gry. Angry and hungry are the only ones.
1. “Ough” can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully.
Geographical Oddities
1. The second Longest geographical name that is accepted in the world is “Taumatawhakatangihangak oauauotamateaturipukaka pikimaungahoronukupokaiwhe nua kitanatahu” (85 letters) which is a hill in New Zealand - it is a maori phrase which translates to “place where Tamatea, the man with the big knees, who slid, climbed and swallowed mountains, known as land-eater, played his flute to his loved one”. It was the longest until recently (though the Guinness Book of Records still regards it as the longest); it has most likely now been supplanted by Krung thep maha nakorn amorn ratana kosinmahintar ayutthay amaha dilok phop noppa ratrajathani burirom udom rajaniwesmahasat harn amorn phimarn avatarn sathit sakkattiya visanukamprasit in Thailand (163 letters).
2. Lesotho, Vatican City, and San Marino are the only countries completely surrounded by one other country. Lesotho is completely surrounded by South Africa, and Vatican City, and San Marino are both completely surrounded by Italy.
3. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll llantysiliogogogoch is the longest village name in the world (and third longest geographical name). it is located in Wales, and yes there are four l’s in a row!
4. The Shortest place name is ‘Å’ it is located in both Sweden and Norway. In Scandinavian languages, ‘Å’ means “river”. The image above is one of the newly replaces road signs for the area - they are frequently stolen for their novelty value.
5. The Vatican city is the smallest country in the world at only .2 square miles. That is smaller than the average city! The largest country is (surprise surprise) Russia.
6. The largest city in the world - based on surface area, is Hulunbuir, Inner Mongolia which is 263,953 km squared.
7. The hottest temperature recorded on earth is El Azizia Libya at 136 F, the coldest was -134 degrees Fahrenheit in Vostok Antarctica. The hottest average temp is in western Australia, it is 96 degrees year round on average.
8. San Marino claims to be the world’s oldest constitutional republic - it was founded in 301 by a Christian stonemason fleeing persecution under Emperor Diocletian. Its constitution of 1600 is the oldest written constitution in the world.
9. Though Mt. Everest is the highest altitude in terms of sea level on the planet, MountChimborazo is the closest to the moon. The Marianas Trench is the lowest place on earth.
10. Alaska is the most Northern, Eastern, AND Western state in all of America. It is the only state that enters the “Eastern Hemisphere” making it also the most eastern lying and western lying state.
11. The Mid-Atlantic Ridge is the Longest mountain chain on earth (at 40 thousand kilometers). It is located along the middle of the Atlantic. Iceland is the only part of this chain that is above water. The Andes form the longest exposed mountain range at 7,000 kilometers.
12. MountCirceo on CapeCircaeum on the western coast of Italy was once called Aeaea (5 vowels in a row with no consonants). It was believed in mythology to be the home of the witch Circe. Two other vowel-only geographic locations are the town of Aiea in Hawaii, and Eiao - one of the MarquiseIslands.
13. Glaciers store between 70% and 80% of all the freshwater on the planet. 99% of those glaciers are in the Arctic and Antarctic.
14. In 1811 and 1812, three earthquakes measuring around 8 on the richter scale, caused the Mississippi River to flow backwards. These earthquakes also created ReelfootLake in Tennessee.
15. The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia. It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles). It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen - so massive that the mud coming from the hole was “boiling” with it. The borehole is pictured above.
I just saw another post on Xanga speaking of one of these pops so I got to thinking about different pop or for those of you who no habla Wisconsinite soda. There were so many kinds I used to drink. I lived for pop long before I was able to gorge myself on beer. Many of my favorite pops as a kid and a young adult have since gone the way of the Dodo; disappearing into oblivion. Sometimes a few make it back for another life, but many have faded away only to survive on Ebay and web sites. Enjoy them here, while they last.
10. Coke II
So, back when Coca Cola started to slump a little in sales to its fiercest competitor, Pepsi Cola, someone made the executive decision to dink around with Coke’s secret formula thereby making it taste more like, well, PEPSI. It wasn’t bad, per se , but it sure as hell wasn’t Coke. I remember how horrible this stuff was and how much I missed the old coke but the new innovation it brought was the plastic two liter bottle, "you take the good, you take the bad". This was an early eighties disaster and it always managed to make an appearance at our sleep-overs and it did a fine job of keeping us wired for hours. I think it had more sugar as well. I really do miss this stuff, but sadly, when Coke went back to its ‘Classic’ formula permanently, Coke II disappeared into soda oblivion.
9. Hubba Bubba
The strongest memory I have of Hubba Bubba Soda is from grade school. We, in the ass-backward, dirt-water, hole that is rural Wisconsin seemed to drink this stuff by the gallon and as children had our own drinking games involving this gum pop. One of the ‘games’ was the infamous ‘Pop Chug’. Everyone would stand over a beach towel with a ’spotter’ on one side and commence to gulping as much warm Hubba Bubba Soda as humanly possible. Loads of fun. I was never a big fan of this gum-flavored pop because whenever I seemed to drink it I always got a migraine, but it does hold certain high esteem in my clogged memory bank.
8. Pepsi’s Wild Bunch
Just in case the images aren’t clear, we’ve got: Raging Razzberry, Tropical Chill, and Strawberry Burst. I love how Raspberry is cleverly misspelled into ‘cool’ territory with the two ‘Z’s. Very nice. Anyway, The deepest remembrances I have of this particular trio was the chilling innards of my grandparent’s ancient refrigerator on their back porch. It was one of those ‘chill chest’ types with the giant metal walk-in-restaurant-freezer style of handle and enough wattage to cause neighborhood brown outs. Yeah, that thing was always chock full of every conceivable beverage from beer to Bosco . Every time we’d visit we’d try to find the most odd drink we could dig out of there and I quite fondly remember tossing back a few of these guys. Dead and gone now. yes, my grandparents, this pop, and my childhood but I still have the refrigerator which will never die.
7. Surge
Though not out of circulation as long as some of these, Surge has still become a classic to many a pining American. Coca Cola distributed this green soda for quite some time. I can remember it coming in to its own right around 1995 or so, and really building up steam for a few years before succumbing to the popularity of other, weaker, beverages. It had a citrus-like flavor to it but there was something almost lime-Jell-O-ish in the back ground that would always leave a little tang phlegm at the back of my throat. But it was pretty tasty and I could knock back a 2 liter in a sitting no problem. Almost, but not quite, melted candy. It was banned in certain counties near my high school because of the high sugar content. It was astonishing seeing people rush the grocery stores with carts filled with Surge. I simply think this stuff liquid crack.
6. Canfield's Chocolate Fudge
I couldn't find an image for this particular drink but I hold it in high regard. My babysitter used to have a refrigerator filled with Canfield's Chocolate Fudge. Imagine taking a piece of chocolate cake and blending it with seltzer water until it was pure liquid. This drink too gave me migraines but that was the price I had to pay to have this delicious concoction enter my system. When the Diet Chocolate Fudge came out it was disaster. It was horrible and then they changed the artwork on the can and it was supposed to be a chocolate bar but it looked more like a giant turd, and with that I stopped drinking chocolate soda.
5. Josta
This was a pretty recent extinction as well. I remember drinking a few of these back when Guarana was the new kid on the beverage block being marketed by Coke as the energy source of choice. Josta was so chock-full of the stuff you could, in fact, taste it. It was a tad medicine-y, but that flavor was nicely buried beneath the strong fruit and spice overtones that assaulted your taste buds moments before. This pop was far different taste wise than just about anything else out there, and it was pretty decent while it lasted.
4. Orbitz
Oh yeah, soda with little chewy chunks in it. Outstanding. Somehow, the creators of this beverage managed to thwart the normalcies of science by allowing starch nuggets to suspend themselves ever so beautifully in a super-sweet solution. It was really good, too. I remember Target selling the hell out of this stuff for quite a while. I enjoyed the drinking part, but somehow, coming to the little lumps floating there in was a lot like drinking a glass of gravy… except a lot sweeter.
3. Kick
Kick was a lot like the bastard step-son of Mountain Dew and Mello Yellow. It tasted really similar to both, but almost leaning a bit toward Mello Yellow with its citrus overtones. I actually preferred it over either and would go through a case of this stuff during my late night Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathons. To me is was the poor man's surge. Sort of like Sam's Club's Dr. Radical or Mountain Mist. I have heard that Kick is still on the market but alas I can never find it.
2. Slice
Slice was the precursor to Sierra Mist by the Pepsi corporation and for my buck, it tasted a whole lot better. My grandmother, in her massive fridge of holding, used to keep a constant supply of the Mandarin Orange flavor of this stuff. I hate mandarin oranges in any form, so I stuck to the lemon-lime standard and all was good with the world. There was something less overpowering about Slice as compared to 7-UP; not quite as crisp, not quite as effervescent, but certainly just as tasty. The absolute best thing in the world was Dr. Slice. The Pepsico attempt at Dr. Pepper. Too bad it never caught on.
1. Crystal Pepsi
I was in grade school in 1993 and this soda was a huge hit in Wisconsin. The selling price was less than any other cola and I remember getting cases of Crystal Pepsi at the local Kickapoo(yes, Kickapoo, we honor our native Americans around here by naming gas stations after them but then they got bought out by Kwik Trip) for at least $1 cheaper than regular Pepsi. I honestly loved this stuff, I would drink the HELL out of a few packs per week. I loved this stuff and another fun fact was that it never exploded if you shook it before you opened a can. One time to prove my point I threw a can on my roof so that it could roll down and prove my point. Well the can got caught in one of the eaves. I didn't get the can out a few months later. No I didn't taste it. This pop also introduced me to Van Halen. Yes, the whole marketing campaign revolved around Van Halen's "Right Now". Anyway, there was just something about the non-caramel colored Pepsi that really appealed to me. I miss this the most of all.
Honorable mention: Pepsi Free (with the pink can and blue balloons) Tab (now an energy drink for women) Coke Blak(coffee flavored coke) Bawls(an energy drink with a funny name) Donkey Kick (energy drink sold at Super America gas stations, every time I bought a can I laughed because I wanted it to be Donkey Punch but they did have another flavor and that was Rooster Booster, I always had images a liquid Viagra with that one) Jolt(hard to find in Wisconsin because of sugar and caffeine content, the best is the mountain dew style Jolt) Cheerwine(Cherry flavored pop that tasted like sparkling wine) Manazita Sol (Pepsi apple pop. I have only seen it in stores twice since it was released) Pepsi Fire and Ice (The "fire" was cinnamon Pepsi and the "ice" was a mint Pepsi) Pepsi Blue(this was another berry/cola infusion that somehow never took off) Sprite Tropical Remix OK Soda
If anyone has any other pop to add to my list feel free to drop a line.
It's already mid-May. I am just rolling in the credits and also filling out applications for teaching jobs. My reading and writing has suffered. I want to get some posts up besides my regular weekly features. Anyway, I love this weekly feature so I guess you're stuck with it.
Me: Cocky, how has your week been? Cocky: Yeah...um...yeah.... Me: Cocky, why are you vigorously scratching your groin? Cocky: New...sponsor...oh yeah the scratching makes it feel better. Me: Actually, it is an old sponsor that decided to give us another chance. Cocky: Well there product has some nasty side effects.
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Me: Cocky, our sponsor's product does not cause a burning sensation in that area. Cocky: If it doesn't why am I on fire? Me: Well...I wonder if it has anything to do with your recent trip to Las Vegas and meeting up with that woman who looked like the horse. Cocky: Oh yeah, but what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Me: How is Celine doing these days? Cocky: Walking like she just got off a horse. Me: *sigh* Cocky, are you ready? Cocky: Cocked, locked, rocked, and ready to....god it burns so bad...MAKE IT STOP!
Dear Godfather and Cocky, Can you explain what the big uproar is about female teachers sleeping with their middle school students? I don't get it, I mean, I slept with my teacher in middle school and I'm fine. Is it just different because I was home-schooled? Confused in Clayton Me: You know I have spent many years in school as a student and teacher and let me say this, there were no female teachers I ever had like the ones I see on TV getting arrested for sleeping with students. Although my 1st and 2nd grade teacher named her child after me. Odd. And then my high school English teacher, well I think she would have been more apt to sleeping with the girls in my class. I think it has something to do with a middle-schoolers ability to go once again right after he went if you catch my drift. Cocky: Yeah you want to avoid sleeping with your teacher hence forth. My friend Bubba Ray, he lives over at the chicken coop near the trailer park, he has a tendency to sleep with any of those chickens and some of those conquests are people he hatched with. Well that farmer has a new marketing tool by selling square eggs. Stop it now, unless she offers you some excellent pie. Apple is my favorite.
Dear Godfather and Cocky, I have a question about lube. I suffer from feminine dryness so when my boyfriend and I make love we always have to use lube. Sometimes brand loyalty becomes a bother when making love. Are there any lubes you can recommend? Dry in Dodgeville Me: Well I understand what you mean when about monotony in the bedroom. If you aren't about being discrete you could always go to your local Walgreen's and they have a variety of lubes amongst their contraceptives. The only bad thing is that some Walgreen's have started keeping their lubes in locked cases so in order to purchase one must finda clerk and heaven forbid they need to call someone to assist you. "MARGE to the lube counter!" Your best bet is to try your nearest adult novelty store. Recently I passed a adult novelty store and bakery and saw that they are the inventors of a new kind of lube, The Beer Lube. Cocky:You seriously are going to take lube advice from the Godfather? The only "lube" he uses involves aloe and has a squeeze pump and says, "for dry hands". Go out and get one of those heating lubes...MUY CALIENTE! You want to use a small amount otherwise the friction and the heating, lets just I had some fried chicken in front of me the last time I used that kind.
Dear Godfather and Cocky, My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a few months now but lately things have gotten strange. When we try, he can't seem to "enter" me. It is near impossible for sex. Then when he did get in, it was so painful that I felt like throwing up. What should I do? Sick of Sex? in Sparta Me: Wow, we are getting a lot of sex questions this week. Cocky: As if you know about sex, Father Godfather. Me: Ah, an obligatory priest joke. Cocky: No an obligatory priest joke would be: A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest. The grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said "Thank you, virgin Father!" The priest replied, "What did you say?" The boy repeated, "Thank you, virgin Father!"The priest asked him, "Do you know what that means?" The boy replied, "Yes...tight ass!" Me: Cocky, that isn't very nice. Cocky: Very nice wouldn't be: what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Me: I'll bite, what? Cocky: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12 Me: OK, we have a question to answer. I really don't know what your problem is. Thank God, and because of Cocky I'll probably have to do a lot of penance and Hail Marys even though I am not Catholic, that I have never had that problem. One thing you might want to try looking into are kegel exercises or maybe you should try other positions or maybe instead of diving into the "main course" he should sample your "appetizers". But I think the first thing I would do is visit a gynecologist. Cocky: Oh, you did you put up your free gyencological exams sign in the back of your Blazer again? You know if you did throw up during sex, that would add a whole new dimension to your love making. The good old fashioned Roman Shower...too many memories.
Dear Godfather and Cocky, How do you feel about President Obama's plan to cut the deficit in half by the end of his first term? Newt in Necedah Me: I think he is setting himself a lofty goal for which you KNOW he will be taken to task for. Unfortunately, Republicans have proven that even in a time of economic crisis, they will still play the same political posturing. They will do their best to try and make legislation take forever to get passed just to bring the President down. I hope he succeeds though!
Cocky: Some day people will realize that all you need is to let Chickens take over these banks for awhile. We are frugal people who know how to save. Our paperwork will be hard to read though cause of our "Chicken scratch" handwriting. Sorry. Since the Godfather won't let me read dirty jokes on the internet I've been reading a lot of FAMILY CIRCUS, my comedy is starting to suffer. I need to punch Billy and NOT ME in the throat.
Dear Godfather and Cocky, Which social networking site do you prefer: Myspace or Facebook? Loser in Lomira Me: Well why isn't Xanga an option? Oh yeah because every time people try to socialize or be funny it creates drama and people crying that white people and Christians are oppressed. Well I am going to go with myspace and in a future blog entry I will tell you why even though I am not on myspace much these days because I love XANGA! Cocky: Why isn't Xpeeps and option? The social networking site for adults and pornagraphers and the only site that has a Cocky appreciation group. OK so maybe the group isn't named after me and they drop a letter in my name but it appreciates big dicks like the me and the Godfather. Me in the sense of having a large penis and the Godfather in the sense of being a whiny liberal asshole. I can't even upload photos with my name in them onto myspace so why bother. Why hasn't any Xangan tackled the issue of cock oppression?
Dear Godfather and Cocky, I just joined a great company but I have found one flaw: a co-worker who works no more than 3 hours in an 8-hour workday. She spends time at lunch, shopping, personal phone calls, and chatting with other workers. Her behavior makes me think she has no respect for her fellow co-workers. I have to take up the slack. She has been here for two years and I just don't see how she keeps her job. Should I make waves and complain about her performance, or go with the flow? Hard-worker in Hortonville Me: I wouldn't advice making wave in your first days on the job. If you complain you could rock a boat that no one wants moved. You are working hard and she is working sub-par. Maybe you were hired to make up for her incompetence. Cocky: The way I see it, if she isn't hanging out on Xanga all day giving the Godfather the eprops then you punch her in the throat and say, "Bitch, get your ass to work." If that doesn't work, make a fake petition that is written to the president of the company asking for the manager to be fired. Then when you see the manager hand him the petition and say, "Look what that incompetent ingrate gave me." If that doesn't work, throat punches for everyone.
Well that is it for this week. If you have a question for Cocky and myself you can email me here on Xanga or send Cocky an email shoot one over to advicewithcocky at gmail.com.
Oh and a thank you to all my readers and subscribers and friends for helping me reach my goal of 15,000 credits which I was able to redeem for 6 months of Xanga's Premium service....cue confetti, fireworks, and silly string
I have been exhausted. I slept most of last night on my hardwood floors. My back was killing me last night after I posted so I stretched out and was soon asleep. I think I am now taller because the pants are a little shorter in length on the legs. I had a meeting this afternoon and I had to drive to a town with the population of about 200. It was pouring down rain so I completely passed where I was supposed to go. I went about a mile out of town and turned around and viola there it was. One of my Sunday features, until I get bored with it, will be to explore some of the posts I made in the past. I did that last week with the soda pop entry. This week I was having difficulties with which one to choose. I decided to go with the one I did on candy. The other possible entry was one that I had posted many of my recipes. If you haven't heard, I am an adequate cook. Actually I enjoy cooking and sometimes wish I could go to culinary school however I have the hands of a butcher with the shakes of a drunk. Actually I don't have the alcoholic shakes but it is a hereditary condition which is heightened with the use of steroids. Well now for the blog entry:
A few weeks ago I did a blog about my favorite pops of my childhood. I got to thinking over the past week of all the candy of my youth. There was so much out there that is now discontinued. I couldn't believe that there are sites that still sell some but the products are actually from my childhood and therefore unsafe for eating. Well here goes.
One of the worst things of all the candy choices we had as kids was that when I would go to the Kwik Trip, Kickapoo gas station or Ben Franklin, you had to buy the candy before you could try it. So you were risking buying something you didn't care for. But it all comes down to when you would go to that special aisle and your mouth would begin to water with the myriad of choices of sugary treats awaiting to be purchased with your allowance. Well what would happen if you were low on funds? Well then you would look at the bottom shelf for the cheap candy. Despite low prices, the quality and quantity was excellent thanks to Ferrara Pan.
AAAAHHHH FERRARA PAN IS HOW I SPELL HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!! I love this candy to this day although I am only able to find Boston Baked Beans and Lemonheads. I think that Atomic Fireballs are available but no longer in the old box but just individually wrapped candies. I did love Cherry Chan because of the mildly offensive box. This candy did not just provide sugary goodness but it also served a desire to make annoying sounds as a child. You could use the boxes as whistles by sealing your mouth over the end of the opened side and blowing through the sealed end. Those were the days, my neighbors and I had a garage Ferrara Pan box band. We were mostly a cover band. What I wouldn't give to have us all sit back in my garage blowing our box-whistles to the tune of "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi...those truly were the days.
One of the best movie tie-in candies was during the summer between my 7th and 8th grade year of school. Jurassic Park had just hit the big screen and of course companies were looking for as many products to get kids' money. Raptor Bites were the obvious candy hit. There was also a candy for the other dinosaur featured in the movie called Dilophasaur Eggs but they were nasty. Raptor Bites were about the size of Nerds and were wild cherry flavored. See they were "wild" cherry flavored because obviously dinosaurs are wild. One of the drawing points for my friends and I were that they left a red dye in your mouth so it looked as if you had been drinking blood or were bleeding. When flag football season rolled around we had the bright idea to eat Raptor Bites before the game as a little psych-ops to make the other team believe we were out from blood. Well we ended up getting sick on the Bites and we lost the game and that was the last time Raptor Bites appeared at our football games.
I couldn't find a picture but one craptacular gum from my childhood was Dr. Pepper gum. When you bit in the first chew you got a little squirt of Dr. Pepper syrup. The flavor lasted all of a minute or two before you had to spit out the gum because of its repulsive non-taste. I was just reminded that there were similar pop gums featuring 7-UP and A&W Root Beer. I thought they had left pop out of candy but was mildly surprised during a visit to Target a few years ago and saw Dr. Pepper flavored lip gloss. I was also repulsed to see Dr. Pepper flavored beef jerky. Dr. Pepper should limit his practice to treating only thirst and prescribing his tasty concoction to quench said thirst. Warheads were extremely sour candies initially and then once the sour coating was sucked they because a tasty treat. One of the tests of manhood in my neighborhood was to see how many Warheads one could put in their mouth without crying or spitting them out. There was another test of seeing how many jawbreakers one could break in their mouth with one bite, I had to bow out of these competitions after I chipped a couple of teeth in a contest. The true test of manliness was when we would up the ante by combing Warheads with Atomic Fireballs. I wish that was the test of manliness in New Ulm instead of how much beer one can drink or what brand of snowmobile one drives. Quite simply, Big League Chew was one of my favorite bubble gums as a child. I thought it was cool because it came in a pouch and watching baseball players stuffing something shredded in their mouths that came from pouches made me feel like I was just one minor step away from the big leagues. Yeah the baseball part of getting into Major League Baseball but that would work itself out while I chewed Big League chew like a major leaguer chewed tobacco. My grandfather ruined my childhood dream when he told me they weren't chewing gum and he gave me some of his chewing tobacco and I got sick. So I figured no more MLB for me. I have not seen this product in years and have been lead to believe that it has been taken off the market due to its tobacco like appearance. After Big League Chew, Bazooka Joe was another good gum. See with Bazooka Joe it was also a collectible. They came with little comics on the inside of the wrapper. I stopped chewing Bazooka Joe when I realized I didn't understand half the jokes because they were still running the same comics as they did when my dad chewed Bazooka Joe. Bubble Tape...I still remember the slogan...6 Feet of Gum for You Not Them. We actually measured the gum to make sure we got an actual 6 feet of gum. Besides the Dr. Pepper gum mentioned earlier this gum lost its flavor quite quickly. I guess the makers were more concerned with the length rather than the quality...I won't make any other comments. Mr. Bones Coffin Candy was one of the Holy Grails of the candy empire. It was elusive to us as kids and usually only available at Halloween. The with this candy wasn't simply eating it but you could put together the skeleton and each section of bone was a different flavor. A puzzle and candy...wow why don't they make stuff like this anymore? Fun Dip was another candy that we considered to be the Holiest of the Holies. Pure sugar...check...candy stick for dipping into sugar...check...Hyperactivity due to amount of sugar intake...CHECK. I can't believe that this is still on the market or was even sold for that matter. They wouldn't sell Surge and Jolt because of sugar content and caffeine content respectively but somehow Fun Dip remained on the shelves. My friends and I would forgo the traditional form of eating and eat the stick all at once and then dump the sugar into a can of 7-Up or Slice or we would just dump all the sugar into our mouth and let it slowly dissolve and carry us away into sugar oblivion.
Hot Dog Gum...yes hot dog shaped gum...too bad it didn't taste like hot dogs but some sweet cinnamon flavor made in hell. I guess hot dogs were originally called red hots so it all makes sense. I think Ring Pops made me make a fool of myself on numerous occasions. See it wasn't uncommon for boys to by a ring pop and get down on one knee and profess undying love for a girl. Well I remember once hearing, "That's candy, stupid, it doesn't have a diamond." I think that particular girl is married to a guy in his 70s. I probably would have had better luck with the girls and candy if I had simply just given them candy lipstick. I never ate it but just knew it was a girls only candy because what boy would buy lipstick even if it was in candy form. Sixlets...M&M's bastard step child. Candy coated balls of chocolate in little wrappers reminiscent of Smarties. I think we stayed away from this candy because we knew that whatever company was producing it was just phoning it in. Lotsa Fizz were small discs of candy that were filled with a powder that when mixed with liquid became a foaming nightmare. I remember pretending to have rabies after eating these candies. It was also amusing just ti split one open and dump the powder into a carbonated drink thus making a green apple Coke or Cherry 7-Up. So maybe I was a precocious bartender. Pop Rocks....who didn't enjoy these as kids? They popped in your mouth and sometime if you left your mouth open they would escape. It was like candy Mexican jumping beans with out the bean or the nasty little worm inside. Of course the urban legend of the demise of Mikey, the Life Cereal kid, stunned us but provided a new dare among us kids. We ate Pop Rocks and washed them down with a Coke plenty of times and we didn't need the Mythbusters to tell us otherwise. These are thankfully still on the market. Candy cigarettes, how little did I know ye...taken off the shelves nationwide because supposedly they were being marketed to kids as a way to get them to smoke real cigarettes. I didn't need candy to tell me I needed to smoke to be cool, that was the work of Joe Camel. I do think that the packaging on candy cigarettes looked very similar to the real deal. They were nothing more than a stick of peppermint candy. The last variety of candy cigarettes had a candy powder that one could blow out of the candy to make the look of smoke. Really, they weren't supposed to get kids to start smoking?
<edit> I forgot to mention how we used to use Spree as currency in grade school. I would load up at the Kwik Trip which doubled as my bus stop. I can't remember the price but a roll was usually 50 cents. The green ones were the most valuable because we had it in our hormonally challenged minds that green Spree made you horny. It was like Viagra for those going through puberty. Let's just say I was a Spree pusher and sometimes when I sold those green Spree to the girls in my class, recess was loads of fun.
OK I have more candy but I can't find pictures. It involves different kinds of Lifesavers. My favorite kind of Lifesaver was the Clove flavored. Can't find it anymore and I believe it was one of the original 5 flavors but taken out and just sold as packs of Clove flavored. There was also Tangerine flavored packs of Lifesavers as well as a line of Sour Lifesavers and my mom is trying to tell me of a Chocolate Lifesaver I used to eat as a kid but I can't remember...see all the sugar has rotted my brain. If there are any kinds that I didn't cover that were your favorites feel free to drop me a line.
Back in high school, a few of my friends and I would hang out in the public park drinking...pop? and smoking...candy? Anyway, during those days we would talk music and movies and then one guy started talking about how his brother told him about Pink Floyd's album "Dark Side of the Moon" and how it was the perfect soundtrack for The Wizard of Oz. We all started laughing at him thinking he was experiencing some sort of sugar high...yeah, that's the ticket. He got so pissed off at us that he ended up taking us to his place to show us. My god, he wasn't lying. Maybe it was the pop and candy but I thought this was the best thing ever. I then graduated and went to college and I was discussing with a friend how in order for me to get to sleep at night I had to put on Dark Side of the Moon on my cd player and sent me off to sleep. He then brought up how he had heard about Dark Side and Wizard of Oz being a crazy match up. I explained how it was. We both had copies of DSOTM but neither of us had Wizard of Oz. We searched high and low for that movie. Finally I found it during a winter break and when we were snowed in that next weekend after classes resumed we watched this strange phenomena over and over again. It all started in 1994 when Pink Floyd fans were discussing this phenomenon on a Usenet message board. In the same message board they were discussing the Publius Enigma posts but that is for another blog post. There is no mention as to who suggested to match the two but it seemingly works. Then in 2000 my prayers were answered and Turner Classic Movies aired Wizard of Oz and then afterward they aired the movie matched with DSOTM. It was incredible. I recorded it but wouldn't you know, I have since lost the tape. No matter how many times I sit down and try this strange black magic, it works and gives me this really creepy feeling. The members of Pink Floyd deny that the album has anything to do with The Wizard of Oz however the album is dedicated to the man who died in the production of the film; the same man whose death is said to be captured in the film. The first pressing of the LP featured artwork that had a feeling for the movie. This is the artwork that most people see when they look at Dark Side of the Moon but that first pressing featured the white line hitting the spectrum, turning to the rainbow and then narrowing on the inside of the LP to a single white line. It follows the color "scheme" of Wizard of Oz. The movie starts in black and white, switches to color, and then ends in black and white. Another rumor about the synchronicity comes from the production of the album. Pink Floyd supposedly recorded much of DSOTM while in a screening room and they were watching Wizard of Oz while working. I don't know the truth to that but The Grateful Dead were notorious for that. A lot of their songs came from watching movies and matching rhythms with motions on the screen. How do you do this? Well get a copy of Dark Side of the Moon and a copy of Wizard of Oz. Put the entire album on repeat or what I do is program the songs 1-9 and then again 1-9 and then again 1-9. The strange thing about this is that there is synchronicity on the second time through as well as half of the third. I usually mute the tv so I can focus on the music and the sounds on the album. There is debate as to when to start the music. I say pause the music and then unpause it right before the MGM lion makes his third roar. Some will say after the third roar. Either way it is a split second. This link will send you to a site that features the synchs between the movie and the album. I would print it first and then try it out because it talks about the synch between lyrics and actions on the screen. Well I am going to be so nice...actually not really, I just stumbled upon this last night so enjoy. Youtube has just the first run through of the album with Wizard of Oz.
Part 1: In this 1st of 6 videos watch as Dorothy balances on a fence rail while the words "Balanced on the biggest wave you race towards an early grave" are sung. Dorothy falls as the words "early grave" are sung. < Part 2: The ringing of the alarm bells coincides perfectly with the entrance of Elvira Gulch. The song during this video is called Time. Notice the fortune teller's sign, it reads Past, Present and Future. During "Breathe (Reprise)" you hear "Home, home again" as Professor Marvel tells Dorothy that she should return to her home.
Part 3: There's some incredible synchronicity in this video. The Great Gig in the Sky; is that a reference to the tornado in the video? The music slowly builds in time to the intensity of the actors' movements in the video. The intensity of Clare Torry's wailing matches perfectly with Dorothy's frantic mood. Her vocals then subside as Dorothy loses consciousness and drifts off to the Land of Oz.
Part 4: The movie now changes from black and white to color just as the song Money begins and Dorothy enters the land of Oz. Okay, if you've been thinking this is far fetched you have to admit that this is an interesting transition. Also, watch as the Good Witch has her hands on the wand. It sort of looks like she could be playing guitar chords.
Part 5: Watch as the ballerinas enter on "us.....us....us...." then proceed to dance in time to the music...the munchkins as well. Watch as the Wicked Witch enters on the word "black". Listen as they sing "which is which" while imagining that the singer is really saying 'Witch is witch' as they transition from the wicked witch to the good witch. Notice the words "out....out....out..." as the good witch fades from the scene
Part 6: Dorothy finds herself along the Yellow Brick Road and comes upon the Scarecrow. Not a lot here as far as coincidences are concerned. The name of the tune is Any Colour You Like and some people say that the title is a reference to the Technicolor used in the film which was state-of-the-art in 1939 when the film was made. The song Brain Damage plays as Dorothy and the Scarecrow are on the yellow brick road. Listen for the line "Got to keep the loonies on the path". Toward the end of the album and this final segment Dorothy and the Scarecrow come upon the Tinman. The lyrics "All that you taste/All that you hear/All that you feel" accompany Dorothy's efforts to revive the Tinman by oiling his joints. The Tinman lacked a heart. Eclipse, the last song on the album, concludes with the sound of a heartbeat. You hear this sound as Dorothy puts her hand and ear to the Tinman's chest while listening for a heartbeat as the music fades out to the sound of a heartbeat.
So there the first play through is for your enjoyment. Yes, I now owe you 45+ minutes of your life. Give me a call some time and I'll make it up to you in a good Christian manner. Oh and if you are ever snowed in I have some other rumored Pink Floyd synchs: There is a reggae album called Dubside of the Moon which is supposed to synch the same way, the third act in 2001: A Space Odyesy is supposed to synch with the Pink Floyd song "echoes" found on the album Meddle this is strange because Roger Waters was offered the chance to score that movie but turned down the offer, the Pink Floyd album Wish You Were Here matches up with It's a Wonderful Life.
I forgot to mention that a few years ago I was walking around in Boulder, CO just exploring on my own while I was out there for a wedding. The wedding party decided to have their bachelor and bachelorette parties at a park in the mountains and I was suffering from altitude sickness so I said I was going to stay at the house. Well I went out in search of a music store. Something on a light pole grabbed my attention. It was an ad for a local band that was going to be playing Dark Side of the Moon and they were going to play it live with Wizard of Oz. I didn't get to go see it because that was the night of the wedding. Then a little while after that I was in Madison and found a flyer for a band playing DSOTM along with Wizard of Oz. Didn't make that one because I saw the flyer a day after the performance.
Another thing that comes to mind is the 1995 release of a Pink Floyd concert. The video was called Pulse. In the artwork there were some strange images that people have said are a tie-in to the Wizard of Oz. There is a girl that resembles Dorothy and is wearing red shoes, there is a bike which people claim is the bike that Ms Glutch is riding, and then there is an axe which supposedly represents the Tin Man. David Gilmour of Pink Floyd explained that it was an homage to their early material. The girl was the titular character of a song called "See Emily Play", the bike was for a song called "Bike" and the axe represented the song "Be Careful with that Axe Eugene". Either way that is still some strange coincidences.
You know if you read this entry while playing Pearl Jam's album Yield...it doesn't match up but it provides you with some great music. Hope you enjoyed.
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