Another week has passed and I am now going to spice up your life.  Round up!

Here is Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice.  It must be rather chilly where she is because those look like they could poke out an eye.

Here is Geri Halliwell aka Ginger Spice.  She's having fun with her boyfriend on holiday.  What are they doing?  Oh yeah....dang...mmmm...oh yeah...ummmm.  I wish I had a girlfriend that would let me eat M&Ms out of her bellybutton.  Oh and maybe I should be receiving eProps for something I didn't do.  This week Tuesday was 6/9.  I was going to declare the day Oral Sex Awarness Day.  There's always next year.

This is Melanie Brown aka Scary Spice.  She was recently interviewed about how she got such defined abdominal muscles.  She said that her conditioning was due to her nymphomaniac tendencies meaning that she has sex five times a day.  Five times a day?  I don't know if I could function like that.  I mean five naps a day might be too much.  So that was a little reunion.  Did you get the opening sentence...Spice Girls...but not the best reunion of the week...read more.

This is David Beckham's new ad for Armani knickers.  The ad is so awkward.  I mean it looks like he has no eyes and I know the culprit, his wife Posh.  She starves herself so she probably had a feast.  Another awkward thing about this ad is that the rope he is clutching is probably fatter than his wife and it definitely has more personality.

More for the ladies...Sex Bomb Tom Jones turned 69 this week but not on Oral Sex Awareness Day.  He shared that birthday with some other sexy beasts: Anna Kournikova 28, Prince 51, and Michael Cera 21.  Tom has them all beat.  He is sporting the fur coat.

It's official.  Simon Cowell is a practicing member of the church of Satan.  He is currently in negotiations to remake Saturday Night Fever with Zach Efron as the lead.  Because Zach hurt himself and didn't get a chance to be in the abomination that is a remake of Footloose, he will be doing this one.  There have been so many debates on Xanga as of late as to whether or not there is a God.  I think this story proves that there is definitely a Satan.  Simon, leave it alone, you jackass!

Shia LeBouf really needs to shut up.  He was being interviewed and he just randomly slipped in that his sense of humor came from seeing his parents have sex, smoke weed, and walk around naked.  OH MY GOD....I think we have the same parents.

Oh how the mighty Beatle slayers have fallen!  You can't have wigs in the pokey so Phil Spector had to take his off for his new residence in the state of California's penal system.  Too many naughty prison sex jokes.  Who does he look like?  MR. BURNS!  He also looks like he is trying to lure my into his van for some candy.

Paris Hilton is better than you.  This is her brand new dog house that houses her 17 chihuahuas.  The house comes complete with chandeliers, air conditioning, wardrobe, staircase, and multiple beds.  And people wonder why Americans are hated the world over.  At least she is doing her part to stimulate the economy.  The last time she tried to stimulate the economy we heard word that she was releasing a sex tape.

The CDC has issued an extreme biological terror alert.  Paris Hilton is now single and ready to mingle and by mingle they mean that she is ready to have meaningless sex with numerous strangers.  Apparently Paris and her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt had a huge fight at a nightclub because she found out that he has been using her money to buy things for himself.  Hey, that's Paris' sex-tape money.  Get your own!  I mean she has to work hard to build mini-mansions for her dogs.  So as punishment and to strike home the point that they were broken up, Paris had him blocked from her gated community.  You know he is going to end up with his own VH1 reality series...I'm thinking Reinhardt Up for Love or I've Got a Reinhardt On, VH1.  Later in the week Paris was spotted with soccer star, Cristiano Ronaldo.  They were partying and a source at the club said he ran up a tab of $20,000 on liquor and champagne.  Ronaldo just signed some ridiculously huge contract at like $131million.  No wonder Paris is with him.  I hope that she doesn't taint his soccer career like she has probably already tainted something else that is near and dear to him.  Oh and right before I started this post, TMZ was reporting that Paris and Doug were spotted making out in a nightclub.

In other celebrity break-up news, Miley Cyrus broke up with Justin much to the delight of Billy Ray.  Rumor has it that he was forcing Miley to break-up with Justin.  She said the break-up was because she doesn't have time for him because of all her projects.  Justin seemed to be taking it in stride.  He was spotted at a local movie theater watching the movie Up...wait, my sources say he was watching the girls watching Up.

Oh nose she didn't!   Yes, she did.  Miley pierced her nostril.  You can't tell unless you enlarge the photo.  She posted it on Twitter.  I wonder what the Mouse had to say.  When I first saw it, I was wondering if Miley knew what a Kleenex was because it looked like she had a bat outside of the cave.  Another thing...look at her hairline.  Is she going bald?  Man, she better do something quick otherwise she may end up looking like Phil Spector.

Here is a first shot of Mickey Rourke from the upcoming Iron Man 2 movie.  The character Mickey is playing is named Whiplash and he has similar equipment to Iron Man except in his hands he holds whips.  You know I don't see what is so special with this because Mickey pretty much dresses like that on a regular basis.

WTF!  I have to wipe up my projectile vomit.  Lauren Conrad has written a book...not one but 2!  I think this was foretold in the book of Revelation.

Here is a first look of Kristen Stewart dressed as Joan Jett for the upcoming movie The Runaways.  Wow...I was worried about this one but she looks pretty close to the real deal.  Man, I want to take her and lay her down in the back of my El Camino, drink some rum and Tab, and discuss the meaning of Journey and REO Speedwagon songs.

Kendra Wilkinson announced this week that she is pregnant.  She will be marrying NFL player Hank Baskett soon at the Playboy mansion.  Hef must be pretty upset with this.  She leave him and his little blue pills for an NFL player.  She really wanted kids and Hef just couldn't give them to her unless he signed them when they were 18 to pose nude for Playboy.  Did you realize Hugh Hefner was so old that his sperm is powered by steam?

You know, it's summertime and I am in the mood for some motorboating.  Here we see Kelly Brook and the admiral of the motorboat Riley Steel.  Supposedly this is from a movie entitled Pirahna 3D.  It sounds like a winner.

At a recent Republican gathering, Jon Voight called President Obama a false prophet and praised Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Ann Coulter.  So he is hating on people worshiping Obama and he is praising the unholy trinity of the Republican party?  I think the co-star of Bratz: The Movie received a little too much trauma in those woods while making Deliverance.

I CAN NOT STAND THIS WOMAN....so I will make a joke about her.  Joan Rivers turned 76 this week.  Most of her body is under 18 years old.  That means she's jailbait.  Hey, Justin just broke up with Miley and we know he likes women under 18.

Heidi Montag announced that after much deliberation in prayer, she did in fact pose nude for Playboy and that her naughty bits will be visible and tastefully done...I am really committed to that oral sex joke.  So Jesus wants her to pose nude so thousands of men can buy a magazine to look at her nude body and then millions more won't pay a dime to view her nude photos online?  Hmmmm I have the greatest idea to start a new ministry.

I am so happy to see that Heather Graham is back and working.  I really love her work except that horrendous Austin Powers crap...NO baby!  She is telling me telepathically that she is happy that I am happy for her.

Goldie Hawn has voiced her displeasure with her daughter Kate Hudson's recent string of boyfriends.  Basically Goldie said she wants Kate to stop falling in love with every guy she meets and quit being a slut.  She also wants her to leave A-Rod and go back to Owen Wilson before he does something stupid to show her how much he loves her.

I am ruining my keyboard looking at this photo of Debbie Gibson.  She is 38 and she is pulling off a look most 20 year olds would die for.  I want to see if Britney Spears can pull off that look at age 38.

Maybe this is better.  David Carradine's lawyer said that Carradine had been in Thailand to expose the mafia's involvement with martial arts and that Carradine had been threatened by ninja groups.  Also a forensic scientist sent by Carradine's family said that his initial inspection of the body that it was foul play and not the masturbation gone wrong. 

Chris Brown and Rihanna were spotted at last night's Orlando Magic/Los Angeles Lakers game.  They were both sitting in the same row but on opposite ends of the basket.  I wonder who could Rihanna be seen with that would do worse damage to her PR than Chris Brown.  Hitler?  Kate Gosslein?  Also, Brown has been receiving death threats from a group calling themselves Woman's Protection Action League.  He is taking them seriously even though their name sounds like something out of a comic book.  Supposedly they said that they would disguise themselves as paparazzi and then attack.  You know what would be the disguise that would fool Chris?  A 90lb woman that doesn't listen....just a note, The GodfatherofGreenbay does not condone violence against women but he does condone violence against those that beat women.

A rep for Chasity Bono confirms that Chas is going under the knife to become a man.  That's right, Sonny and Cher's daughter is soon going to become their son.  I am sort of anxious for Cher's reaction.  She wasn't too happy when Chasity announced that she was a lesbian. Wait, so if she has a sex change operation she won't be a lesbian anymore but straight?  That vein in my forehead is throbbing.  Here's another strange question, when a female decides to have a sex change operation, does she get to select the size of penis he will have?

Carrie Prejean is heading to the unemployment line.  The beauty pageant says that she wasn't fulfilling her duty as Miss California but Carrie says it is because she said she doesn't like gay marriage.  I won't report about her again until the future day when her future husband is arrested in a public restroom for exposing himself to an undercover cop.  Oh and the way things look, Carrie has a bright future at FOX News.

Look...it's the First Family of Freaky Fun.  Former President Bush and his wife Barbara got down with a cast of a local production of A Chorus Line.  It just happened to be Barbara's birthday that day and here we see her right before she unwrapped her present.  Yes, Mr. Bush, the Republican Party stands for family values and horrible socks. 

In case you didn't see it, Bret Michaels almost got decapitated at the Tony Awards show.  OK maybe it wasn't that extreme but judging from the after photos it looks like it did some damage.  You have to hand it to Bret, he's a pretty smart guy.  He is going to milk this injury for all its worth and draw sympathy from all the women that unexblicably worship him and want to marry him based on seeing his reality series.

Tracy Flick smells a new opportunity to remain relevant.

Britney Spears is rumored to be dating a new man named Jason Trawick, who happens to be one of her brother's friends and approved by her father.  It's nice to hear that he is like the first guy she has dated in years that isn't after her money.  He's already filthy rich.  Oh and this is a perfect match because his surname, Trawick, is pretty close to trainwreck.

OK, I said I would move on from Jon and Kate but this was too good.  Jon was interviewed recently and he was talking about how the kids mistreat their dogs by punching them, pulling their tails, and ripping out fur.  The local humane society has started to investigate the family for cruelty against animals.  All Kate had to say was that Jon was stupid and then she did this:

Just imagine the fun I would have had if I had declared Tuesday, Oral Sex Awareness Day.  Kate was all for it.

I got a couple of emails asking about this photo.  I posted in a quiz about my life.  No this is not me although take off the braces we probably could have been twins.  Who is this?

Videos:
I have said some mean things about Jimmy Fallon.  Well my opinion hasn't changed but this video from his late night show was awesome.  ZACH MORRIS!

Here's that Bret Michaels near decaptiation video.  I am just pissed that they cut away so quickly.

Well that is it for this week.  Sorry it was a little longer than normal.  I had a rough couple of days.  Thursday afternoon I got a phone call from my mom saying that one of my aunts was near death.  Then this morning at 3AM I got a phone call say that she passed away.  I'll have to explain more in a separate post.  And don't think I am hearless because I still do this post.  Sometimes I use humor to cope.  Anyway I hope everyone has a great weekend.