You know the irony of life is that you have like his big dream to get where you wanna be but once you get there you start to dream about where you came from. I guess that's the part of the circle of our lives like the hands of a clock going round. If only we could wind them back and return to a time where the dream began. It's all too soon that's all will be is a dream in someone's mind.
In case some of you didn't read the last post and wondering how I made it on MSNBC, well in a barely awake state, I thought they featured my stomach in one of those faceless features about obesity. You know the ones where they show everyone's stomach and ass to say that Americans are fat. I guess it is an epidemic because it used to be 2 out of 3 people were obese but they got so fat that it is now 4 out of 5. Let that sink in.
Here's your weekly dose of motivation:
So there it is...I hope you get motivated. I feel the power! I think I am going to finally upload pictures to my computer. Have a swell day!
After seeing something like this, it makes me want to rush out to the store and buy one for myself.
And my pulse about being on MSNBC. I woke up this morning and was in somewhat of a haze. I turned on the TV and that is what was on. They were doing a feature on obesity. You know the stock footage they use, the ones where they just show the bellies of overweight people. Well in my haze I swear I saw my belly featured. Of course they didn't show my legs or face just the fuel tank for my love machine. Well I got pissed and in my sleepy state I went to my computer and wrote an email to MSNBC. I haven't received a reply.
I was going to get this posted early but like last week we had a thunderstorm roll through the area. A town about 20 miles south of my town got hit with winds measured at 130 mph and they had to close some of the highways because of mudslides from the great amount of rain we received in a short amount of time. Currently there are flood warnings around here because another round of storms may come through later tonight. I love summer.
This episode is directed by Ken Kwapis and was written by Paul Feig and Bob Nickman. Something else I failed to mention is that a couple of the actors with bit roles were in some of my favorite childhood movies. The bully named Alan is Chauncey Leopardi who was in The Sandlot and then a character whose name eludes me because I believe it is only uttered once in the entire series even though he seems to be in more episodes than Seth Rogen was in The Mighty Ducks. He played the goalie. Look for this guy in the lunchroom and he comes up to Sam and asks him a question while Sam is talking to Cindy Sanders. And speaking of Seth Rogen, he does not appear in this episode.
Plot Summary: Lindsay agrees to tutor Daniel in algebra, but he doubts her effectiveness. Daniel manages to steal a test from the teacher's office and then asks Lindsay to help him fill in the answers. Mr. Kowchevski, suspicious of Daniel's surprisingly high grade, accuses the duo of cheating. When Lindsay becomes unsure of what to do, Daniel tells her they should deny everything. Sam, Neal and Bill begin sex education class. Daniel loans Sam a porno flick in a misguided attempt to help educate them, but ends up confusing them.
I enjoyed this episode because it made me thankful. I went to a private religious high school and we never had sex education other than in our religion courses or in biology. The funny thing about biology class, my teacher was embarrassed to say the word "penis". He always said, "the male member" or "the man's part". One day in class a couple guys called him on it and asked if God created the penis. He said yes and then they asked why he was afraid to say the word. Finally after much back and forth the teacher erupted, "PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW THAT I'VE SAID PENIS?" Then he turned bright red and ran out of the classroom for a couple of minutes. He came back and nothing was said.
There is one of the most mysterious scenes in this episode. Sam was confused after watching the porno and asks Mr. Fredericks an anonymous question but Mr. Fredericks realizes it is Sam's because of the paper he used. Anyway they go into the coach's office and talk while music plays. You can't hear what they are saying but you watch the conversation. I have never found out what the question was or what they discussed in the office. I guess it will remain one of those great mysteries of this series.
Throughtout the episode you hear the punchline to a joke ("How do you think I rang the doorbell?"). Here is the joke: A woman, tired of living alone, decides to put an ad in the local paper. She asks for three things: 1. A man who will treat her nicely, 2. A man who won't leave her, and 3. A man who is good in bed. Several weeks go buy without a result, and the woman is resigned to life without a man who can embody those qualities. Then, the doorbell rings and she opens it to find an armless, legless man in a wheelchair. He says, "I'm here about the ad in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms, so I can't beat you, and I have no legs, so I can't run away from you." The woman is skeptical, and asks, "Yeah, but are you good in bed?" The man answers, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Music: "Takin' Care of Business" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive; "Superfly" by Curtis Mayfield; "Love's Theme" by Love Unlimited Orchestra; "Little Dreamer" by Van Halen
Quotes: Neil: [Looking at the movie that Daniel has loned them] Whoa, its a naked woman! Bill: What's she doing? Neil: Who cares, she's naked!
Sam: What am I supposed to do with a porno? Neil: You watch it. Over and over. Sam: Ew, only perverts watch pornos, right? Neil: Well, then every guy in America's a pervert.
(As Neil sets up the porno) Sam: This is taking forever. Bill: Yeah, we could... we could have made our own porno by now.
Harris: Love is like homework. You gotta study if you want to get an A (I think this is one of the best quotes)
I may not be around much this week. A certain Croatian is coming for a visit. So I am going to splurge and give you 3...count 'em THREE...mash-ups! I am in a good mood despite not being able to sleep. I also heard a great new description for mash-ups. I was reading a blog and the writer called them "audio porn". I have to agree with her. Mash-ups are arousing and after you listen to them you don't want to admit it for a few minutes but then you go right back....or maybe I have a strange view of porn. Anyway, here they are and also since I am in a giving mood...oh to be in a giving way...I will also include the artists and songs that made these mash-ups possible.
"Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan mixed with "Where is My Mind" by The Pixies
This one is called ABC+OPP which means Allman Brothers' Classic + Other Peoples' Pop. "Jessica" by The Allman Brothers mixed with "OPP" by Naughty by Nature and "ABC" by The Jackson Five
In the sickest, most far out mash-up I have ever heard: "The Trooper" by Iron Maiden mixed with "I'm a Believer" by The Monkees. I can see a certain candidate for President in 2012 using this as her campaign song.
I told my girlfriend I didn't mind if she missed shaving every so often and this is what was waiting when I got home.(Just a caption, not truth. She actually stood me up on a date.)
Another week...I was a bit worried about posting tonight. We had some major thunderstorms roll through here. I haven't been out tonight but people are talking about flooding. There are places near me that are reporting they had something like 5 inches of rain today. Oh well...here's the round up. When I first saw this photo of Whitney Port, I thought to myself, "I hope that is a merkin under her bikini or maybe it is an elaborate tribute to Groucho Marx." This photo was taken at David Beckham's triumphant return to Los Angeles' professional soccer team. Did you see the game? Posh Beckham and Tom Cruise missed the game in which David was booed loudly and had a fan jump security rails in order to try to fight him. Posh and Tom were too busy talking about boys, gag reflexes, and their fake tans. Americans will never embrace soccer or Scientology. Sienna Miller claims that she almost had her breasts burned off while filming the new G.I. Joe movie. She said a fireball shot off close to her chest and nearly burned her. I guess that was almost like a karmic intervention because she has burned up the beds of so many married men and she is also making my blood boil by what she is doing there. Robin Williams turned 58 this week. I wonder if anyone has researched the value of his fur coat. I should try to manscape mine to look more like Robin but I am afraid that I would need Rogaine. Olivia Munn makes a hot pin-up girl. Excuse me for a minute and a half. I will have to post some photos of her in an exclusive entry. The Naked Cowboy is running for mayor of New York City. He plans on running on the ticket of transparency and has said that he plans on keeping all his press conferences brief. Here's the official press release: "The Naked Cowboy’s platform speaks to the real issues facing us, and will cultivate the rebirth of the small businesses that made New York City what it is today. Known as the 'Naked Stimulus Package,' the plan includes micro loans, tax holidays and other incentives to help small businesses thrive. Other points of Naked's platform include Taxes (if you’re rich, stop whining and pay your taxes), Transportation (taxi call buttons on every city corner), Homeland Security (as mayor he will keep the city’s security on high alert, making frequent stops at the tunnels, bridges, and guard posts of every building), Gay Marriage (as an ordained minister and he’d love to marry all citizens of NYC, not just the straight shooters), and of course Tourism (he plans to build a Times Square Wedding Chapel and establish a billion dollar wedding business that will rival Las Vegas)." Hey Mr. and Mrs. C! How are you doing? Me? I couldn't be cooler, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy! Hey Mrs. C, your hair, it hasn't changed a bit since the show went off the air. What? It can't be a wig. I thought it was real. That would make me wr-wr-wro-wr-wron-wro-wrong! The first family of Milwaukee made an appearance to sign autographs at a TV convention this week. VH-1 announced they were having another Divas concert. This time the divas would include Miley Cyrus, Kelly Clarkson, Leona Lewis, and Adele. Um....remember when they actually got real stars to sing at their Diva concerts? I guess Clay Aiken and Adam Lambert were busy. Mickey Rourke has been spending time in London and he got drunk and then got into a fight. This time the fight was with a traffic barrier. Mickey said he punched the barrier because it was "too fucking orange." In his drunken state, Mickey also stole a statue of Jesus. Miceky is playing dangerous games. Jesus ain't 'bout havin' his statue stole. Jesus could send lightning bolts to scar and disfigure Mickey's face...wait...steal it, Mickey. Why did this photo of Lisa Rinna attract me so much? It must be the new hat. It has been so hot in California this week that Lisa Rinna was photographed melting at the beach. I also have a feeling she could be melting because she just got wet and she is a witch. I think Millions of Milkshakes violated millions of health codes by letting Lindsay Lohan work behind the counter making a custom milkshake. I hear the milkshake had some unique ingredients. First she started with vanilla ice cream, added some chocolate syrup, then dumped in a pack of cigarettes, a can of tuna, on can of Red Bull, peanut butter, an unpaid credit card bill, some stolen jewlery, a borrowed fur coat, and to top it all she sprinkled it with some cocaine. I saw this photo of Lindsay Lohan and was going to make a joke about her being a squirter but that made me feel unpleasant. Most normal women wear something like old sweat pants or shorts when it is laundry day. Not, Lady Gaga, she wears the newspaper. One of these things is not like the others, One of these things just doesn't belong, Can you tell which thing is not like the others, By the time I finish my song? If you said the center girl, Kimberly Wyatt of the Pussycat Dolls is different because she is a girl next to two transsexual dancers then you are wrong. She is teh one with the STD. I usually don't given Kim Kardashian much credit or praise her but she really is good at jumping on a trampoline. Yes, Kim puts the tramp, in trampoline. Kendra Wilkinson and her husband Hank Baskett were trying to keep the gender of their unborn baby a secret but Kendra revealed the sex this week. She said that because the baby is kicking all the time that she has a little David Beckham inside her. So that means they are having a boy however I find it ironic because at one time she has had the real David Beckham inside her. This is Katrina Darrell. She was known as Bikini Girl on American Idol this season. She had a photo session at the beach this week and 14:55...14:56...14:57...14:58...14:59. This is Karissa and Kristina Shannon. They are Playboy Playmates and because they are under 20 years old, they are also Hugh Hefner's girlfriends. You know...life is not fair. I have no girlfriend let alone girlfriends. Oh wait...I have two. Here is a promotional poster for Jake Gyllenhaal's new movie Prince of Persia. Great! Another horrible movie based upon a video game! I can't take this seriously. I am surprised they haven't made a film adaptation of Asteroids or Madden Football or Grand Theft Auto. Another celebrity passed away this week. This week it was former Taco Bell spokesperson Gidget. She was the chihuahua in all but one of the Taco Bell ads featuring the dog. Gidget also made an appearance in Legally Blonde 2...no she isn't Reese Witherspoon although they probably could have been separated at birth. So when you go to Taco Bell this weekend, order up a gordita and pour it out for Gidget. I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fergie is a dude! Maybe this is why she has this bumper sticker on her car: Women belong in the kitchen and not the voting booth. There is a video of Erin Andrews, a reporter for ESPN, circulating on the internet. I will not post it because ESPN is threatening a lawsuit against any site that posts it. The video shows Erin prancing around her hotel room nude as well as showering and doing other bathroom business. I also wouldn't advise searching for it because apparently the people who originally posted it are also hackers and use it to gain access to your computer. Anyway the video was captured with a high-tech camera that caught all her actions through the peephole on the hotel room door. If that is true, I will kill myself if a video is made accessible of my last hotel visit. I didn't want anyone to see me re-enacting the dance scene from Risky Business. A 911 call was made from Bam Margera's house this week. The person on the phone said they needed help for Bam because of a possible overdose. It's sad to see a young person get mixed up with drugs and overdose...wait...this is the guy that filmed himself beating up his father while his father was taking a dump. Bam's mom said that he was just merely dehydrated. Who doesn't need a good enabler! Like Bikini Girl, I think Avril Lavigne's fame is up. Judging by her appearance, maybe she is just undergoing an image re-invention from a wannabe punk to a wannabe goth. Either way, I think we will soon be seeing her as the opening act for Celine Dion's lounge show. Guess the ass! This is the only reason why I occasionally watch the new 90210....Annalynne McCord. Alex Trebek turned 69 this week. After seeing this picture...well, I'll take sexy and creepy for 500. Amy Winehouse went to court this week to face charges for assault. Amy said that she was defending herself and admitted that she was drunk at the time of the assault. She must have expected a bad outcome in the verdict because she was wearing stripes. And today Amy Winehouse was found not guilty. She is guilty of being a crackhead. She shrugged off the verdict, left the courthouse and lit a cigarette. AND SO IT BEGINS! Britney Spears could be released from her father's custody in November shortly after her tour ends. She then may find work to be impossible to find. No company will insure her in regards to performances or making music. So maybe having her dad stay as her guardian is a good thing but she says she can't wait to get rid of him. Expect a return of the good old crazy Britney Spears. Could you imagine the duets she could sing with Amy Winehouse?
Video Section: The Beastie Boys announced that they will be postponing their next album so that MCA can battle cancer.
Chris Brown issued an apology. I wonder what his reading level is.
A director for a line of commercials featuring the soft drink made an authorized extra commercial. He never intended it to be released. It was something like a joke for him, but like any celebrity filming their sexcapdes it was released on the internet. However since it was unauthorized, Coca-Cola stepped in and threatened lawsuits so the ad has been pulled from youtube and other media outlets.
I first heard about this ad on Current TV. They said it was originally set to air but was too sexy even for German TV standards. The commercial combines oral sex, a desire for Sprite and a climax that is unbelievable.
#3. I am pissed off that I lost out on this auction on eBay. Could you imagine the girls I could get rolling in that car? Well I can't either.
#4. Here is a blog aptly titled, Sexy People. It features the sexy poses for photo portraits. I can't imagine the time when some of those fashions were considered cool.
#5. I remember a few years ago, I was listening to a conservative radio show and his main argument against gay marriage was if you let gays marry other people would demand "strange" marriages. Maybe this is what he meant, a woman in Ghana married her dog. That must have been an awkward wedding night. Can you imagine all the peanut butter she is going to use over the course of their marriage?
#7. If this company can't raise your building then maybe you should try Viagra. I wonder if they considered the repercussions of naming their business that way. Maybe they took a hint from the Turdologist.
#9. There was a dentist in the town where I used to live named Dr. Jabs. I thought that was an unfortunate name. There was also a Chinese restaurant named Mei Dong. That was comedic. Here are some funny and unfortunate names for people in specific jobs. Alden Cockburn, urologist! HAHAHAHAHA! I love how Dick Trickle is brought up, he probably does trickle because whenever I saw him race around these parts he had a slew of women waiting for private time in his trailer.
#10. Lately there has been a video going around the intertubes of girls imitating Bill Cosby(thank you Katie). Well here is a site that features girls making noises that boys commonly make. My favorite is the machine gun. The cool thing is, ladies, you can call in and make your own boy noises.
#11. You thought FML and My Life is Average are funny? Well you have yet to see RML, Rocko's Modern Life. So maybe I am a bit of a nerd.
I don't have much to say tonight so I thought I would share some photos. She must have seen the Incredible Hulk one too many times. Sometimes Yahoo Answers gives worthwhile answers. When my parents snapped this photo, they knew I would have a bright future. Too bad I failed art class. I have also had a problem with words. What do you expect when this is the last existing photo of my grandmother? I wish I had that device when I went to college but it wouldn't have kept me from being a douche in other ways. I have a porn addiction. You don't want to know what I think when I see an ATM. I tried to be a baker but I failed. At least I got my ads on the sides of buses. I am currently writing a new screenplay for a movie called Final Days of Thunder. They probably wouldn't hire me. At least I don't have the addiction problems of that guy...click it, it's worth it. And I can make up my mind. This is my contingency plan for GM and Dodge.
So I lied and I apologize. I said I would have a post of random funny photos. Well I got caught up with a phone call and a TV show. I watched Big Brother and I have to say that this season may be one of the best in a while. So much intrigue and backstabbing...GOD IT'S LIKE WATCHING XANGA ON TV! I got a phone call from Da Bad Guy about a former classmate of ours. This guy has been arrested numerous times and the most recent was a domestic disturbance call and he refused to comply with the police and started flinging feces at them and then when they took him down he started biting the cops. I think that town is now revisiting its ban on tasers. Flinging his feces at the cops? I guess we are evolved from apes after all. Here is your weekly dose of motivation.
I think I have the motivation! I do! I will at a future date post my naughty pictures.
Sorry I didn't get this out last night. My internet connection was going haywire. I think it was because of a thunderstorm. Anyway here is the fourth episode of Freaks and Geeks.
This episode was directed by Lesli Linka Glatter and written by Paul Feig and Mike White. I forgot to mention one of Paul Feig's other credits. He currently produces and occasionally directs episodes of The Office on NBC.
Plot Summary: Kim invites Lindsay to dinner, explaining that she needs to introduce a nice friend to her parents so they will stop hassling her to sell her car. After Lindsay realizes what an abusive home Kim is living in, the two flee the scene in Kim's car. Sam struggles with a bully who is friends with Kim.
This episode is what brought Busy Philipps into the regular cast. Audiences enjoyed her portrayal as Kim Kelly so the creators decided to include her as a regular character. Lindsay's bonding with Kim was an interesting storyline because of what I have read about the plot lines for the proposed second season and also how they eventually do become great friends during the first season. Lindsay got to meet her crazy family and see her get really pissed off after finding Karen sucking on Daniel's thumb. Once again, a hilarious scene with a nice and dry closing line 'She's pissed'. Dinner at the Weir's place was awkward, especially once Kim and Daniel made up and end up making out in the kitchen. I loved their make up scene, she slapped him pretty hard in the face. Also it was funny how Nick started eating things and taking items out of the pantry and then asked for them.
Strangely this episode is one of the most edited when it aired in syndication on Fox Family Channel. Also it was pushed back a week due to concerns from NBC over some of the violence. Nothing was taken out for the original run but they were just concerned.
I did like Sam's storyline with a female bully. In all my years of being in school or teaching, I have never seen a girl bully a boy unless they are dating. It lead to Sam and Neil fighting. They didn't fully go with this storyline but there was talk that in the second season there would have been a rift between the guys and more of that will be explained in future entries.
Trivia: Seth Rogen does not appear in this episode. Mike White appears as Kim's "slow" brother Chip.
Music: "Jamie's Crying" and "Ice Cream Man" by Van Halen; "King Tut" by Steve Martin; "Reminiscing" by The Little River Band
Here's the episode, enjoy!
I'll be back later with a random photo entry and my regular motivational posters...I need the motivation because I am thinking of posting something to get more credits so I can get my premium renewed.
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