Sorry about the lateness.  My parents asked if I wanted to go out for supper.  I think the only reason they ask me is because then they have me decide where to go.  I picked a Mexican place, had some fresh tortillas, Modelo Especial, burritos, and washed it all down with a huge glass of horchata.  I love that stuff.  I came home and watched Saving Private Ryan.  I figured I had to be patriotic.  Tomorrow I plan on dumping tea bags on the stairs of my city hall and in the front yard of the town's mayor because of all the proposed taxes they levying to pay for a new hospital.  I'm a dick like that.  Time for the round up.

I think celebrities went into hiding with all the recent deaths.

Adrien Brody gets a lot of women despite his lack of fashion sense.  Maybe I should start dressing like that.  Of course I will have to wax my veritable forest on my chest.

I feel bad.  I tend to focus on things I like and ignore my female readers.  I like to talk about boobs, butts, and a sundry of other nicknames for various other areas of the female anatomy.  Well all that is changing.  I am just going to focus on Jessica Simpson's shirt.  I don't think that is a very quality material.  It doesn't appear to keep her warm but it is pretty with the colors.

Famous TV pitchman Billy Mays died this week at the age of 50.  He tried to sell me everything...OxyClean...some sort of special ladder...ESPN 360.  Speaking of ESPN they have pulled all their ads featuring Mays.  I think since his death on Sunday I have only seen one of his commercials but Discovery Channel had a fitting tribute of a TV series he inspired.  Billy Mays will be missed, I guarantee it.

TV and movie legend Karl Malden passed away this week at the age of 97.  This guy was a great actor, so where is the wall to wall media coverage of his death?  Strangely Malden was from the same town as Michael Jackson...Gary, Indiana.  Karl will be missed.

Mollie Sudgen passed away this week at the age of 86.  She played Mrs. Slocombe on one of my favorite British comedies, Are You Being Served?  Mollie went to the big department store in the sky and if you knew the show then you would know that Heaven is a bit brighter with all her wigs and talk of her pussy...wait for the video section.

Vibe Magazine passed away this week at age 17.  I saw the headline this week that said "Vibe Shutting Down" and I thought, "Where will women get their pleasure without a vibe?"  The magazine is going out of business after 17 years.  The print industry is horrible.  It's easy to blame the internet but the simple fact is, people don't read any more.  I mean if it wasn't for Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, and Rush Limbaugh, half of America wouldn't have the papers read to them.

Rihanna is in trouble with the New York City Health Department.  The other day Rihana went into a tattoo parlor in NYC and took control of the tattoo gun and tattooed three workers at the parlor with an umbrella and a letter R.  It is unlawful in NYC to tattoo without a license.  Since she tattooed three people, her fine could be in excess of $3000.  Ah...let's just blame it on Chris Brown.

I have been upset that the U.S. media has not made mention that former U.S. representative Cynthia McKinney has been kidnapped by Israeli troops when she attempted to take a shipment of humanitarian aid to Gaza.  NO, we have to be told that Michael Jackson is dead and see the video of his last practice session.  Fuck that.  We need to get the beauty that is Orit Fox to go in there and bust heads to rescue Cynthia McKinney and then President Obama needs to get Orit to set up a Palestinian state because they will be mesmerized by her beauty and won't be able to refuse.  I CAN'T QUIT YOU!

Paul?  Actually that is Mariah Carey.  Yes, it is her.  I checked...wink wink nudge nudge say no more say no more.  Mariah dresses up like Eminem for her new video for a song entitled Obsessed.  She went for the Eminem look because she claims he is obsessed with her.  I think in his last few albums he talks about her so maybe Mariah is on to something.  Anyway this is getting as creepy as Xanga.

I love Lily Allen.  She was performing at the Glastonbury Music Festival this week.  She looks like something out of Rainbow Brite but I still love her.   I mean just listen to this song.

Lindsay Lohan had a huge party this weekend at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.  They actually paid her about $70,000 to hold her birthday party at their venue.  What kind of party was it?  Well it was her birthday party.  Lindsay turned 23.  Holy crap...23!  What a mess!  I hope my corpse looks like that after I have been dead for 23 years.

Speaking of a mess...America, we need to talk.  You need an intervention.  No it's not because of taxes or racism or anything like that.  It's because you are buying Lady Gaga's music.  Please stop.  If you stop then she will go away, simple as that.  She'll hop aboard a UFO and go back to her home planet or maybe she will enter Assholes Anonymous.

A photographer caught this shot of Julianne Moore.  I have seen newborns that are tanner than her.  That looks so sick but then in her defense she does have fair skin.  You know the only way she could get whiter is if she listens to Hootie and the Blowfish.

I know I tend to leave politicians out of the celebrity round up but I couldn't resist this story because it sounds like something that happens to celebrities on a weekly basis.  Apparently there is a sex tape featuring John Edwards floating around.  He filmed himself having sex with the women with whom he had an affair.  I wonder if that got released in January of 2008 if we might be talking about President Edwards.

I never noticed this but England's finest rose and lady in waiting, Jodie Marsh, has a tattoo of Michael Jackson on her forearm.  I know it's hard to make out since it is upside down but yes that is MJ.  Here we see the slimy, cold-hearted, beady eyed snake posing alongside a boa constrictor.

Janice Dickinson was photographed at the beach with a gentleman caller.  Actually that was the first time a male of any species has been near her nether regions since her senior prom in 1938.

Last week I posted this photo of Courtney Love saying how she needed to gain some weight.  This week on Twitter, Courtney discussed how her doctors told her she needs to gain weight.  She said she wants to get back to what she weighed in 1996 for The People vs. Larry Flynt, 192lbs.  Well, Courtney, I can help you on the journey.  You know that money you make for whatever it is that you do and also the residual checks you receive on behalf of your late husband Kurt Cobain?  Yeah, you take the money you get from those checks, put some in the bank, and then you spend some on food and do not spend any on Booger Sugar.

I think we now know were Chasity Bono is getting her inspiration for her upcoming sex change operation.  If I didn't know any better I would say they were twins or that she is Jonah Hill's mother.

Britney Spears was photographed visiting her church this week...Starbucks.  I have to admit that Britney is looking quite good as of late.  I think she is out of that shaving head and beating cars with an umbrella routine.  Ah...you know sometimes I would just love to be a straw.

When Britney is finished with her European tour, she is looking for new work.  She is in negotiations to star in a film.  I'm not making this up but she is trying to get the lead role in a movie where she would play a modern day woman who creates a time machine and winds up in World War II at a Nazi prison camp where she falls in love with one of the Jewish prisoners.  They escape the camp and then make it back to the present day but I don't want to ruin the possible ending.  My only comment about this is, haven't Holocaust survivors suffered enough?

This is the last photo taken of Michael Jackson and OK! Magazine bought it for $500,000.

Video Section

Here's Karl Malden in one of my favorite movies, A Streetcar Named Desire.

Here's Mrs. Slocombe delivering some lines about her pussy.  And then people wonder why I love that show so much and yes, I know she is talking about her cat.  Double entendres can be funny.

Well I am off to watch A Streetcar Named Desire.  Everyone, have a great weekend.