I hope everyone had a relaxing weekend.  I forgot to mention that in my last post.  I hope everyone was also safe and no one lost any digits.

This weekend I met a guy who holds a Christian belief that I thought was obsolete.  He tried to tell me that everything in the universe revolves around the earth.  No, he wasn't Catholic and no, I travel in a time machine to the 14th Century.  This guy says that a pastor told him that was the case so that is what he believes.  Now I'm not a big fancy city lawyer but I am a Christian and nowhere in the Bible does it teach that the universe revolves around the earth but it is a belief that some held and apparently some still hold because in the Bible's account of creation, mankind is created last and therefore the masterpiece and the apple of God's eye and therefore everything revolves around us.  I laughed and said that even at my Lutheran grade school and high school and college, they taught that the solar system revolves around the sun.  The guy wouldn't have any of it because his pastor was right and no other pastor or teacher could change his mind.  He claimed to be Lutheran but I called him a Ba-a-a-a-a-ptist. 

While I'm talking about religion...people from Revelife, I don't mid you coming to my site.  I practice Chrsitianity although since I left the ministry I am no longer what some of you might call a "true" Christian even though I have a badge here on Xanga that says I'm true.  What I don't like about you people with the Revelife extensions on your screen names visiting my blog is how you get here.  I do adore the female form and I am not ashamed of God's creation so on occasion I post photos that feature nudity.  Well it creeps me out when you come to my site looking for "tits" and "pussy" and "blow job" and "fat ass" and "big floppy donkey dicks". If you are going to look at porn, log-out of your revelife account first.  Better yet, create an alternate Xanga account for your porn surfing.  Just some tips because you don't want me commenting on your pages asking if you enjoyed looking at big floppy donkey dicks on my page.

I watched the Michael Jackson memorial today or at least I had it on in the background while I did my work.  I am just sickened by all this.  Maybe we should change the heliocentric theory and just admit that everything revolves around Michael Jackson.  I mean he's more important than anything happening in Iran...more important than the escalating violence in China...more important than our President claiming that we could not withstand a missile attack from Russia...more important than our vice President claiming that they "misunderestimated"(I miss Bushisms) the severity of the economy...Jackson is more important than the Israeli army pirating ships bound for Gazan relief and not to mention former congresswoman Cynthia McKinney who has been kidnapped by the Israeli army in an effort to keep people from getting basic supplies...an alleged pedophile who used his massive amounts of money to keep people from going to the authorities is more important than the 4 year anniversary of the London terrorist attacks...MJ is more important than G20 and the riot police being given greater powers in order to handle rioters...a drug addict is more important than a United States solider who lost his life in service of this great country...he is more important than hundred of thousands fleeing Mogadishu because of violence between government and guerrilla forces...Michael Jackson is way more important than our Congress and Senate issuing an official apology for slavery.  I am such a fool to want to know the happenings of my world and what could affect my life instead of the non-stop coverage of a child molesting drug addict and guess what....IT WON'T END NOW THAT JACKSON HAS BEEN PLANTED!  The will is being challenged and I am sure there will be a child custody case and then of course watch for the authorities to go after all the doctors that were writing him prescriptions.  Yes, "news" has taken a major setback. 

Here's your weekly dose of motivation, now that I have gotten that off my chest.

Two of these, in my opinion, are the best demotivational posters ever.  In fact, when I found both, my fits of laughter brought tears to my eyes.  Can you guess which two?  I think by now some of you know my twisted sense of humor.

This episode is directed by Jake Kasdan and was written by Paul Feig and J. Elvis Weinstein.

Plot summary: When Lindsay and Sam's parents go out of town, Lindsay's friends suggest that she throw a party. Lindsay hesitantly agrees in the hopes of impressing Daniel, who has broken up with Kim. Sam and Neal become worried after going to a school assembly focusing on alcohol-related deaths. They decide to switch the real beer with non-alcoholic beer. Daniel and Kim get back together and despite the lack of alcohol, the party quickly gets out of hand. Bill samples the real keg. Neal finds a way to stop the party.

This is a fun episode because I think most of us at some point in high school threw a house party or went to a house party.  There plot in this one involves Sam switching the keg of regular beer to one of NA beer.  Something like that happened to me in high school.  I had the farm all to myself because the people I stayed with went to a major horse show.  I got some MGD and sometime before I got to the farm some friends coming to the party switched kegs for PowerMaster, a STRONG beer produced by the G. Heileman Brewery.  That stuff was nasty.  Most of us were out of it after a couple glasses. 
Another point I liked is the assembly.  It took me back to my high school daze.  We had two groups in my school like the one featured in this episode, the McKinley Sober Students.  One was called WINGS and no it was not headed by Paul McCartney.  WINGS was against underage smoking and drinking but by the time I was a senior WINGS was against all smoking and drinking.  The ironic thing is that the teacher who was the leader of WINGS smoked like a chimney.  He would drive around campus in his truck smoking at lunch and during free periods.  Also when I lived right behind my high school, I would see him sitting in his classroom smoking non-stop.  I think WINGS tried to have an intervention for him and went rogue by placing posters all around school which depicted what smokers' lungs looked like.  The other team we had was the Pro-Life Knights.  Did I mention I went to a religious school?  Did I mention they posted photos of aborted fetuses all over the school and in the cafeteria which also doubled as our commons and chapel?
I think if you partied in high school you had memorable people that came to the parties.  I can remember partying with members of that WINGS team and I can also remember partying with some of the most straight laced people my school had to offer; they were the wildest.  On occasion we did have those people crash and tell us that we were risking eternal salvation by drinking beer under the age of 21.  Too bad they never broke out into song like when Millie plays "Jesus is Just Alright With Me".  Speaking of those two team members at the party, their dopplegangers went to my high school.

The character's name is Harris, but the kid at my high school was named Ethan.  He went through a rebellious phase because he was forced to change t-shirts one day.  He wore a They Might be Giants t-shirt and school policy dictated that no band shirts were allowed.  So Ethan started growing out his hair in protest ala' John Lennon.  My school also had a facial hair and hair length policy for guys. 

The girl who looked like Millie was about a foot taller than Millie.  I think Christa stood about 6'3".  I know we were nearly the same height.  I never spoke much to Christa because she didn't seem to be the kind of girl that was into dudes like me.  I saw three years after graduation.  It was closing time at a bar in a college town in Minnesota.  She was dancing on the bar and grinding with another girl.  Then she hopped down and was like, "Oh hey!  What are you doing here?"  Fun times!

Music featured in this episode:
"Hush" by Deep Purple;
"Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo" by Rick Derringer;
"No One to Depend On" by Santana;
"Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love" by Van Halen
"Maybe" by Janis Joplin;
"Do You Love Me?" by Kiss

Trivia:
A reference is made to the death of John Bonham the legendary drummer of Led Zepplin. He died on September 25, 1980 so the approximate date of this episode is a week later around October 2 or so.

Paul Feig wanted to include a scene that depicted some of his painful high school memories but it was cut by NBC.  The scene involved an African American student arguing with Neil, a Jewish student, over who had it worse.  It was a funny scene and is included on the DVD in the deleted scenes section.  It is partially included in this episode and Neil's line appears in the quotes section.

Goofs:
When Cindy shows up at the party she claims that she is the designated driver.  She is the same grade as Sam, a freshman, so she couldn't be older than 15.  Maybe in 1980, Michigan had lax driving regulations.

When Neil is comforting Lindsay at the party, a boom mic can be seen.

Quotes:
Daniel- "Designated driver is pretty hot. I'd like to get her drunk."

Neil- "I'm Jewish. That's no cakewalk either. Last year I was elected school treasurer. I didn't even run!"

Neil- "Friday night. Always a good time for some Sabbath..... 'Cause, you know...Friday...is the Sabbath...for the Jews."

Nick: "Anyone want to go see The Wall with me this weekend. I'm going to try an experiment. I'm going to see it straight for once."
Ken: "Don't do it man! Don't do it! you'll regret it. I'm serious."
(Has anyone ever seen The Wall straight?)

Sam: What's non-alcoholic beer?
Bill: It'sjust like beer but it doesn't have that ingredient that makes you drunk.
Neil: Alcohol?
Bill: Yeah.

Well I hope all my rambling has kept you interested because here is the episode:

I hope you enjoyed.

Sorry about the lateness.  My parents asked if I wanted to go out for supper.  I think the only reason they ask me is because then they have me decide where to go.  I picked a Mexican place, had some fresh tortillas, Modelo Especial, burritos, and washed it all down with a huge glass of horchata.  I love that stuff.  I came home and watched Saving Private Ryan.  I figured I had to be patriotic.  Tomorrow I plan on dumping tea bags on the stairs of my city hall and in the front yard of the town's mayor because of all the proposed taxes they levying to pay for a new hospital.  I'm a dick like that.  Time for the round up.

I think celebrities went into hiding with all the recent deaths.

Adrien Brody gets a lot of women despite his lack of fashion sense.  Maybe I should start dressing like that.  Of course I will have to wax my veritable forest on my chest.

I feel bad.  I tend to focus on things I like and ignore my female readers.  I like to talk about boobs, butts, and a sundry of other nicknames for various other areas of the female anatomy.  Well all that is changing.  I am just going to focus on Jessica Simpson's shirt.  I don't think that is a very quality material.  It doesn't appear to keep her warm but it is pretty with the colors.

Famous TV pitchman Billy Mays died this week at the age of 50.  He tried to sell me everything...OxyClean...some sort of special ladder...ESPN 360.  Speaking of ESPN they have pulled all their ads featuring Mays.  I think since his death on Sunday I have only seen one of his commercials but Discovery Channel had a fitting tribute of a TV series he inspired.  Billy Mays will be missed, I guarantee it.

TV and movie legend Karl Malden passed away this week at the age of 97.  This guy was a great actor, so where is the wall to wall media coverage of his death?  Strangely Malden was from the same town as Michael Jackson...Gary, Indiana.  Karl will be missed.

Mollie Sudgen passed away this week at the age of 86.  She played Mrs. Slocombe on one of my favorite British comedies, Are You Being Served?  Mollie went to the big department store in the sky and if you knew the show then you would know that Heaven is a bit brighter with all her wigs and talk of her pussy...wait for the video section.

Vibe Magazine passed away this week at age 17.  I saw the headline this week that said "Vibe Shutting Down" and I thought, "Where will women get their pleasure without a vibe?"  The magazine is going out of business after 17 years.  The print industry is horrible.  It's easy to blame the internet but the simple fact is, people don't read any more.  I mean if it wasn't for Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, and Rush Limbaugh, half of America wouldn't have the papers read to them.

Rihanna is in trouble with the New York City Health Department.  The other day Rihana went into a tattoo parlor in NYC and took control of the tattoo gun and tattooed three workers at the parlor with an umbrella and a letter R.  It is unlawful in NYC to tattoo without a license.  Since she tattooed three people, her fine could be in excess of $3000.  Ah...let's just blame it on Chris Brown.

I have been upset that the U.S. media has not made mention that former U.S. representative Cynthia McKinney has been kidnapped by Israeli troops when she attempted to take a shipment of humanitarian aid to Gaza.  NO, we have to be told that Michael Jackson is dead and see the video of his last practice session.  Fuck that.  We need to get the beauty that is Orit Fox to go in there and bust heads to rescue Cynthia McKinney and then President Obama needs to get Orit to set up a Palestinian state because they will be mesmerized by her beauty and won't be able to refuse.  I CAN'T QUIT YOU!

Paul?  Actually that is Mariah Carey.  Yes, it is her.  I checked...wink wink nudge nudge say no more say no more.  Mariah dresses up like Eminem for her new video for a song entitled Obsessed.  She went for the Eminem look because she claims he is obsessed with her.  I think in his last few albums he talks about her so maybe Mariah is on to something.  Anyway this is getting as creepy as Xanga.

I love Lily Allen.  She was performing at the Glastonbury Music Festival this week.  She looks like something out of Rainbow Brite but I still love her.   I mean just listen to this song.

Lindsay Lohan had a huge party this weekend at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.  They actually paid her about $70,000 to hold her birthday party at their venue.  What kind of party was it?  Well it was her birthday party.  Lindsay turned 23.  Holy crap...23!  What a mess!  I hope my corpse looks like that after I have been dead for 23 years.

Speaking of a mess...America, we need to talk.  You need an intervention.  No it's not because of taxes or racism or anything like that.  It's because you are buying Lady Gaga's music.  Please stop.  If you stop then she will go away, simple as that.  She'll hop aboard a UFO and go back to her home planet or maybe she will enter Assholes Anonymous.

A photographer caught this shot of Julianne Moore.  I have seen newborns that are tanner than her.  That looks so sick but then in her defense she does have fair skin.  You know the only way she could get whiter is if she listens to Hootie and the Blowfish.

I know I tend to leave politicians out of the celebrity round up but I couldn't resist this story because it sounds like something that happens to celebrities on a weekly basis.  Apparently there is a sex tape featuring John Edwards floating around.  He filmed himself having sex with the women with whom he had an affair.  I wonder if that got released in January of 2008 if we might be talking about President Edwards.

I never noticed this but England's finest rose and lady in waiting, Jodie Marsh, has a tattoo of Michael Jackson on her forearm.  I know it's hard to make out since it is upside down but yes that is MJ.  Here we see the slimy, cold-hearted, beady eyed snake posing alongside a boa constrictor.

Janice Dickinson was photographed at the beach with a gentleman caller.  Actually that was the first time a male of any species has been near her nether regions since her senior prom in 1938.

Last week I posted this photo of Courtney Love saying how she needed to gain some weight.  This week on Twitter, Courtney discussed how her doctors told her she needs to gain weight.  She said she wants to get back to what she weighed in 1996 for The People vs. Larry Flynt, 192lbs.  Well, Courtney, I can help you on the journey.  You know that money you make for whatever it is that you do and also the residual checks you receive on behalf of your late husband Kurt Cobain?  Yeah, you take the money you get from those checks, put some in the bank, and then you spend some on food and do not spend any on Booger Sugar.

I think we now know were Chasity Bono is getting her inspiration for her upcoming sex change operation.  If I didn't know any better I would say they were twins or that she is Jonah Hill's mother.

Britney Spears was photographed visiting her church this week...Starbucks.  I have to admit that Britney is looking quite good as of late.  I think she is out of that shaving head and beating cars with an umbrella routine.  Ah...you know sometimes I would just love to be a straw.

When Britney is finished with her European tour, she is looking for new work.  She is in negotiations to star in a film.  I'm not making this up but she is trying to get the lead role in a movie where she would play a modern day woman who creates a time machine and winds up in World War II at a Nazi prison camp where she falls in love with one of the Jewish prisoners.  They escape the camp and then make it back to the present day but I don't want to ruin the possible ending.  My only comment about this is, haven't Holocaust survivors suffered enough?

This is the last photo taken of Michael Jackson and OK! Magazine bought it for $500,000.

Video Section

Here's Karl Malden in one of my favorite movies, A Streetcar Named Desire.

Here's Mrs. Slocombe delivering some lines about her pussy.  And then people wonder why I love that show so much and yes, I know she is talking about her cat.  Double entendres can be funny.

Well I am off to watch A Streetcar Named Desire.  Everyone, have a great weekend.

The sexual overtones in fastfood commercials have hit an all-time high.  Or is it low?

First we had the dom/sub relationship between a boy and his toaster oven in this Quizno's ad.

Next Burger King upped the ante with ads for their Super Seven Incher.

I think Hardee's has stolen the show with a new ad asking people which hole they prefer. 

These commercials leave me asking, "What is coming next?"  HAHAHAHA coming!

Here's another edition.  I don't know why but I sort of have a writer's block for my old Wednesday feature Questions with the Godfather and his Cock.  Maybe it is because I have had so many other things I am working on.  I forget when it was but after a few beers and trying to discuss conjoined twins with Skinny Wolf and the Croatian Sensation we all came up with a great idea for a tv show and I have been actually trying to work on it.  It's a modern day Honeymooners meets Todd Browning's Freaks.  I play the husband and I am married to conjoined twins.   I have also been working on world religions and I am never quite satisfied with that.  Of course then I am also writing down my autobiography as things come to me.  It's awesome when I have these memories sprout up while reading other people's blogs.  Well I am rambling.  Here be the links.

#1.  Russian energy company, Gazprom, recently purchased Nigeria's state run oil and gas company.  What do you imagine they call this new joint venture?  If you guessed a racial slur then you guessed correctly.

#2.  A while back there was a popular photo circulating the internet featuring a cat called Ceiling Cat.  Turns out Ceiling Cats actually do occur in nature and here is a harrowing story of how one guy rescued a ceiling cat.

#3.  You know, CNN.COM can be very deceptive.  I was actually expecting a church where they used prostitutes to worship Christ.   So many world religions have used sex with prostitutes as a way to worship their deity.

#4.  I am still not sold on getting my own Twitter.  I barely use the Xanga pulse and all Twitter is, is a glorified pulse.  Another reason I haven't gotten a Twitter is that people on Twitter can be quite naive.  Here is a list of fake news stories that went viral on Twitter.  I think recently, during all these celebrity deaths, someone reported on Twitter that Jeff Goldblum died and all the news agencies jumped on board.  I think some people at Twitter were using this site.

#5.  For no reason, here's a list of the top 20 special needs characters in movies.  I was sort of upset that no one from The Ringer made the list.  One of my favorite movie quotes of all time comes from that movie and I love to randomly insert it into conversation..."WHEN THE FUCK DID WE GET ICE CREAM?"  Anyway, it's a good movie.

#6.  This is a list of the 20 sexiest ugly people...bit of an oxymoron.  I don't get why Daisy made the list.  Maybe she is ugly because of all the plastic surgery. 

#7.  The people over at Zug.com have given us some memorable pranks as well as experiments that have turned into pranks.  One of the recent experiments they did was trying the weightloss supplement Alli because of the warning of oily discharges and recommending that people have spare underwear and pants handy when on the supplement.  It's quite the funy experiment but not as funny as when he tried the "medicine" that increased the amount of semen released during ejaculation(damn I can't find it on the site now).  Then there was the Walmart prank which has inspired me to pull shenanigans every time I go to Leviathan.

#8.  Are you in the market for a new house and either live in the Chicago area or are willing to relocate?  Well Cameron's house featured in Ferris Bueller's Day Off is listed for a low, low price of $2.3million.  I would buy it but I would probably get all depressed and then try to roll back the odometer on my dad's antique Porsche by putting it up on blocks and putting it in reverse but then my depression will get the best of me and I will kick the block and it will crash through the living room windows.

#9.  The Improv Everywhere group is up to it again.  This time they gave spontaneous wedding receptions to people who got married at a courthouse.  That is such a clever idea.

#10.  I am going to open the curtain and reveal a little bit about myself.  I enjoy old time blues as well as ragtime music.  Then I found this video of a piano player performing 80s songs in ragtime style.  I am thoroughly satisfied.

#11.  Sometimes racism happens and it can be unintentional.  Well here is a list of tv scenes where the racism was intentionally unintentional. 

#12.  The recent movie The Hangover may be based on a true story.

#13.  Since Conan moved to his new slot, I have been holding on to this link featuring the best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.  Is he on the new Conan?  How about the masturbating bear?  Or Pimp-Bot 3000?

#14.  Here is a list of the worst lays in movies.  Some of them I understand but I wish there were explanations to go along with each photo. 

#15.  I don't have kids and babies some times scare me.  I think it all goes back to my cousins.  One of my cousins was holding his younger brother and while he was holding him, the baby went into SIDS.  Thankfully he was revived because the next door neighbor was a fireman who just had training in this new fangled thing called CPR for infants.  Anyway, my cousin can't speak but he is alive.  So I fear holding babies.  I also fear dropping them.  So here's a blog, your baby is an asshole.

And tomorrow I will have another entry like this one...lucky you!

I hear that today is the first day of July.  It can't be, can it?  Today it was so cold.  I had to close the windows for fear that my furnace would kick in.  This morning I put on a hoodie.  I guess I would rather have this cold speel over the triple digit heat wave.  I have been keeping an eye on the World Series of Poker.  Some big names have won bracelets this year so apparently that is a good thing.  50 of the 57 events have been completed.  I am just anxious to see who wins the Main Event.  I should have been there but my sugar momma fell through and no one else would stake me the $10K.  Maybe next year.  Here's your weekly dose of motivation.






I findthe Obama one hilarious because Joe the douchebag Plumber was speaking at a gathering in my home state this week and he said how the Constitution was for democracy only and the founding fathers didn't intend for our country to practice socialism or communism.  Joe just proved he is not much of a student of history.  Socialism and Communism were political ideas that came about 50 to 100 years after the Constitution had been written.  I guess he doesn't need to know facts, just as long as he has an "R" behind his name.  And a special congrats to Minnesota for finally clearing up who won that pesky Senate race.

And to meet a request, here are some more selections from my colliegate choir career.  The first song is just my choir and the rest are selections with all the choirs from my college singing.

And to all my Canadian readers, Happy Canada Day!