So in my last pulse I expressed great joy over something that happened this evening.  No, it wasn't that pervs.  I couldn't sleep last night and I got to thinking about how a few weeks ago there was a trend on Xanga where people read blogs and recorded themselves reading blogs aloud.  I thought that was so cool but I couldn't participate since my computer mounted microphone hasn't worked for some time because my cats decided to feast on the cord.  Well I got to thinking about a microphone I bought years ago in hopes of being able to record my voice screaming during my mash-ups.  Alas, the mic never worked on that system.  So I wondered what happened to that mic.  I checked my old computer that is all boxed in my attic but it wasn't there.  I then went to my desk and sure enough there it was.  Well I hooked it up and then immediately went to my voice recording program and said, "Test...Test...Hello...Hello" and then I pressed play.  I heard my voice.  It worked.  I wa stunned.  This device I had for nearly 8 years and left unused actually worked.  I then got thinking that it would be awesome if I read a certain post.  Well I loaded up the page and the program.  I read a few paragraphs and then the program stopped.  It only allowed me to record 60 seconds.  I was livid and my dreams were shattered.  Well I calmed down and investigated through this search engine called Google.  I found an mp3 voice recording program.  I tried it out and it worked and I could record things longer than 60 seconds.  I was tingly.  Well, I had shopping to do and football to watch this evening so I didn't get to make what I wanted to actually record.  I decide that since tomorrow is 9/11 that I would read a short story by Mark Twain, probably Twain at his best.  Well the file was almost 9 minutes long.  I figured it would never upload to Xanga.  I tried.  IT UPLOADED!  Tomorrow I will put it in a post about 9/11.  Now I have unleashed a new beast upon Xanga.  Look out.

I haven't been myself lately, maybe I am you.

A waitress once told me, "I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant."

I imagine saying this to a future wife every night before we go to bed: "Wake me if you're horny."

You shouldn't drink and then have sex, but damn it, it works.

Smoking and drinking go together like porn and nachos.

The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.  Those were the winning Pick 3 numbers sometime.  Coincidence?  No, the Masons run the lottery too.

There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people. The kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million.   And oddly enough, they aren't racist.  I don't know what that means.   I had to throw in something about race since that is what everyone else seems to talk about these days.  Remember when everyone talked about burqas?  Those were the good old days.

Charlie Brown's father was a barber, which explains why he was bald.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.  This explains why women can't see price tags and men can't hear when women ask me to take out the garbage but I was watching football and it was a crucial play so why don't you get off my back because god you are becoming a nag just like your mother yes I said that you are becoming just like your mother and hopefully you don't follow her lead and get that huge sagging ass.

Some images may not be safe for work or life.


I mentioned this on another person's blog.  It was in response to the guy that was getting out of speeding tickets because he wore a monkey mask and the cameras could never match him with the license.

Oh it's so scathing

Yes, that is about right.  I think the first time in my football watching career I plan on cheering for the Browns. 

Next time, I plan on taking this scenic route.

This recession is getting out of hand.  Even our superheroes are losing their jobs and homes due to foreclosure.

That taxidermist has a wicked sense of humor.  The dog's hair looks as if it is being blown by the wind...how clever!

I find it empowering when women feel comfortable with their bodies and post sexy photos but there is something wrong with this picture.

I find it empowering when women feel comfortable with their bodies and post sexy photos but there is something wrong with this picture.  And you thought I was going to make another pussy joke.  That was so two weeks ago.

I find it empowering when women feel comfortable with their bodies and post sexy photos but there is something wrong with this picture.  Hmmm now I am hungry for a Big Mac and shake.  Thank you twitter!

Hmmmm

Nine Inch Nails concerts are the best and most intense but Trent reznor should've went with a Mac.

I would pay for that pay-per-view instead of hijacking my neighbor's signal.

Children, this is what we call post-modern feminism.

Finally one of those car ribbon stickers for me.

And because The Beatles have been everywhere lately...I was watching MTV2 the other day and saw a Beatles video for "Birthday" but in the Guitar Hero format.

Good night and good luck.