Last Thursday I went up to the big city to see a doctor.  Well that didn't turn out so well but I got some nice photos.

This is driving on the ridge between the river valley where I live to the Mississippi River valley where the hospital is located.  I love the sun breaking through the fog.

Once I was finished with my appointment and lunch, I went up to a place in La Crosse called Grandad Bluff.  It is the largest bluff overlooking the city of La Crosse and the Mississippi.

This is the view from the city and the second photo is a zoom of the large flag on top where the park is located.  I love that place.  I actually think it is one of my favorite places to be.  I used to do a lot of thinking there when I was in high school and also there was a certain someone who heard a marriage proposal from me up there.

I love the long drive up the bluff.  Last year during all the massive rainfalls, this road was shut down because there were numerous areas washed out.

This is the view but not quite at the park.  The water you see is the Mississippi. So you are looking at Wisconsin and Iowa.

This was posted on the park shelter.  La Crosse is often called the coulee region because of all the small valleys that were carved out by glaciers.  It is also called God's Country.  In fact when Old Style beer was brewed in La Crosse, the cans and bottles said "Brewed in God's Country".  Grandad Bluff was originally a place of worship for the first settlers of the area.

This is just some random shopping centers and a high school.

That is the bluff across from Grandad Bluff, not sure what is called but in the coulee between you can see houses.

Looking up this way we can see some of the marshland between La Crosse and Onalaska as well as the Mississippi.  Up this way you see Wisconsin and Minnesota.

This is the new football stadium at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse as well as some of the campus' buildings.

I couldn't get the whole city of La Crosse in a single shot.

There is a golf course that lies below the bluff.  Can you make out the pin?  How about the golfers?

There is that island and I can't remember if it is French Island or another.  But French Island was where the first settlers made all the French live because they didn't want them anywhere near them.

The large building in the front is the hospital where I went as well as another university connected with the hospital.  In the back you can see the Mississippi.

The first picture is the actual lookout and the other is one of the original lookouts.  I couldn't walk down to the edge of the bluff.

They had the path blocked off because they were doing work.  I wanted to walk over and get a photo of the guy who was rappelling to make sure all the rocks were secure.

This is underneath the flag on the highest point on the bluff.

Sadly the night before I was on the bluff an area teenager died.  Of course she and her boyfriend were stupid enough to venture outside the fences.  Read this from the Chicago Tribune...all the papers around here are very depressing about the whole thing.

Back over the ridge but now the fog had cleared.

And then I got stuck behind this monstrosity.

My weekend was crazy.  The Badgers won on Saturday which is always excellent but it was only by 30 points.  They were playing Wofford...WOFFORD!  All those fumbles.   The Irish won as well.  They aren't legit.  They just aren't. 

Today I had much on my plate such as my uncle's 80th birthday party.  He was pissed that I didn't bring him any beer.  His wife finally put her foot down after 51 years of marriage.  I told him later this autumn I would bring him some and we would spend the afternoon drinking beer and shooting guns and looking at the leaves as they change color.  He looked at me incredulously and I explained that it was for my website (He doesn't get the blogging concept) and that people like seeing that stuff?  He said alright as long as I bring beer.  Surprised he didn't change his mind to whiskey.  He also let me in on a family secret.  My grandfather spent time in jail; just a night.  He, my uncle, and two of my grandfather's brothers-in-law went to Milwaukee to sample the finest of Milwaukee's beverages...Schlitz, Blatz, THE BEAST etc.  and they were in an "establishment" and one of the brothers-in-law ripped a bathroom fixture off the wall.  He laughed so hard that he couldn't get out of there before the police arrived.  This is the same grandfather I have told you about in previous entries.  He was such a character.

Earlier this week I made a reference to sex and restaurants.  It was something like blah blah blah I am so repressed blah blah blah this is a drought of biblical proportions.  Actually it went something like: Sex is like going to the restaurant.  Sometimes you get good service and sometimes you get bad service.  But most of the time you have to settle for self-service.  Anyway I was texting someone these thoughts and this lostfrends(INSIDE INFORMATION) said that his wife made the comment that their restaurant was more like a buffet.  Yes, I enjoy that, an all you can eat meal.  Then I texted about a study I read where it said that 14% of married men prefered oral sex because of the feelings and the other 86% enjoyed it because they finalyl got some peace and quiet.  Hey, I think we have found out why I am single.

Two of my stalkers have joined forces and I am fearful that they are coming after me.  CREEPY.

I am thinking of heading to see the Catholic priest in town tomorrow.  I need some serious theological questions answered and every time I ask a pastor of my particular faith, they avoid answering my questions.

OK...sorry about the rambling, I drank a pot of coffee today and caffeine hits me hard.  I am so damn jittery that I am amazed that I am able to type this. 

Mash-ups:

This mash-up contains Daft Punk(don't ask the song because I can't remember, I think it is off the Homework album) and some "Rock with Me" by Michael Jackson.  It's ok.

Here we have a song that I believe is called "Party Around the World" by Wyclef Jean, it was on the album he released after his 911 album, not the terror attacks.  All I can remember was that album had Wyclef rapping with Kenny Rogers.  Well this isn't from that album.  It sold horribly and Wyclef's house was foreclosed.  The other song is "Around the World" by Daft Punk.  I love Daft Punk.  They are insanely awesome.  Do yourself a favor and go to youtube and look up the video for "Around the World".  It makes absolutely no sense but it is directed by Michel Gondry who brought us The Science of Sleep and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  The guy is a genius and I have a collection of his music videos and there was a making of for "Around the World".  There is some sort of concept where each group of people represents a different musical element.  Watch it, it probably will disappoint but I try to broaden horizons.

OK, insane mash-up of the week.  "Triple Trouble" by the Beastie Boys mashed with "Day Tripper" by The Beatles.  "Day Tripper" is one of my favorite Beatles' songs because that guitar and the harmonization.  I actually love this mash-up.  I wish this were in that Beatles Rock Band.  There is one band that needs to come to Rock Band that will make me run out and purchase a system...JOURNEY.  I also would settle for Dead Kennedys or They Might Be Giants.

My new favorite comic strip: Garfield as Garfield.  I honestly can't tell the difference.

Did anyone watch The Office on Adult Swim.  It was the original version of The Office.  I think they actually explained why the cameras followed around the people in the office.  I don't remember that in the American version.  I could be wrong because I just started watching it in syndication and in reruns.  I am weird, I readily admit this. Oh and Faster, Pussycat!  Kill!  Kill! is on Turner Classic Movies so I have to cruise through this because I hear Q is planning on remaking it and wants Lindsay Lohan for the lead.  On to the round up...may contain images not safe for work or life.

Terri Hatcher competed in the Malibu Triathlon last weekend.  This is what we were treated to.  You know that would have been hot when she was on The Adventures of Lois and Clark but not so much anymore.

Now that his divorce with Robin Wright is a sure thing, Sean Penn has been seen around town with his new girlfriend, Sports Illustrated model Jessica White.  She's 25 and he's 49.  There may be hope for me yet but before I start dating Sports Illustrated models I need to make award winning movies and talk about communism in a positive sense. 

Pink recently wore this outfit for a concert.  I'm not complaining but she does look a little too much like Brigitte Nielsen.

Pete Wentz wore this disguise while walking to a music studio.  I think the kid standing behind him got it right.  This isn't V for Vendetta but V for Vagina because that is what Pete is.  Hey, Bronx Mowgli...THAT'S YOUR FATHER!

Patrick Swayze passed away this week at the age of 57.  He died of pancreatic cancer which he lived with after being diagnosed for 20 months which is a LONG time.  My family's first doctor died of the cancer and he only lived for 3 months after diagnosis.  Tila Tequila lives and this class act has to die, may he rest in peace.

Mary Travers of the band Peter, Paul, and Mary passed away this week at the age of 72.  She did so much for folk music.  It was interesting driving my parents around as they talked about her and how much they loved their music.  This summer of death is unrelenting.  She will be greatly missed.

Henry Gibson passed away this week at the age of 73.  He was a great film and TV star.  He was probably best known for his roles on Laugh-In and Boston Legal.  My personal favorite role was in The Blues Brothers where he played the head of the Illinois Nazis.  "There is nothing I hate more than Illinois Nazis."  He will be greatly missed.

Punk rocker, poet, and author Jim Carroll died this week at the age of 60.  His book The Basketball Diaries was made into a movie of the same name which starred Leonardo DiCaprio and is probably Leo's best work.  Carroll's music was excellent.  My favorite songs were Catholic Boy (and here is a version he did with Pearl Jam) and People Who Died.  I loved his work and he will be greatly missed.  Jim, I salute you brother!

Of course Paris Hilton has to wear a t-shirt with her name on it.  It's not because she is so dumb but because she sometimes gets a little loopy from semen overdoses. 

Paris was spotted holding this sign in a bar in Milan, Italy this week.  Initially she refused to hold the sign so the patrons of the bar booed her.  Finally she relented and held the sign.  When asked why she didn't want to hold the sign she said that it said "Stop Tensomes".  In Paris' defense, she can't read.

Everyone's favorite meth-faced, actor turned boxer turned actor and dog lover turned 57 this week.  Mickey has defied medical experts on reaching such a ripe old age.

Lily Allen wore this dress at a recent performance. It is covered with mirrors.  I do not like the dress because I can see myself in the mirrors lusting after her and it is quite disgusting.  I need help or a girlfriend, a girlfriend would be better because then she could help me.  I need to set up a place where ladies can apply.

I should just stop talking about Lady Gaga.  Here we see her dressing and acting normally at the Video Music Awards.

Kendra Wilkinson's husband, Hank Baskett, found himself out of a job earlier this week.  It seems that his team, the Philadelphia Eagles, needed room on their roster for a guy who fights dogs and owns something called a rape stand.  Hank was desperate for work because he has a new mouth to feed.  Thankfully he filled out an application and was hired by an upstart team called The Colts in Indianapolis.

Jessica Simpson supposedly witnessed her beloved dog Daisy dragged away by coyotes.  She supposedly hired an agency that specializes in finding missing dogs.  They have been blanketing the area looking for leads.  I don't think it will end well.  Jessica has been criticized for doing this.  Rightfully so, because I think Daisy staged the whole thing rather than spending another minute with Jessica.  Oh and her Twitter message...isn't that insulting to all the mothers of the world?

Speaking of mothers...here is Katherine Heigl with her new daughter.  Awwww so cute.  She has named her daughter Nancy Leigh after Katherine's mother and sister but she refers to the baby as Naleigh.  I'm not going to argue with her.  She looks happy for a change.

Jon Gosslein has to return his beloved dogs to the breeder because he can't keep them at his apartment and his lucrative pool party hosting gig would keep him away from the dogs.  Kate refuses to take care of the dogs when Jon isn't there because being a cunt with a crappy hairdo is a full-time job.

Joe Jackson showed up at the VMAs with a date.  Some say she is an aspiring musical act and others say she is a trick from Craigslist.  I look at her and I think I go with the latter.  I mean it's no wonder Katherine needs $86,000 a month to take care of Michael's children because Joe is spending all that money trolling Craigslist.  If she is indeed a prostitute, the economy hasn't fully recovered if she has to settle for Joe Jackson.

Jessica Biel has joined the cast of the A-Team movie.  Thankfully she will not be playing B.A. Baracus but will be Face's ex-lover who is an Army officer pursuing the A-Team to bring them to justice.  I don't know about this.  The TV show was blasted for being a sausage fest and misogynistic so maybe Jessica's addition won't be so bad afterall.

Jennifer Anniston captured my thoughts of her new movie perfectly.  I guess she needs the money in this economy but seriously her movies since Friends went off the air have been crap.  Maybe she will get the idea and retire.

Hulk Hogan is suing his lawyers that worked his son's case.  His son got a relatively easy sentence, 8 months, but Hulk is pissed.  See his lawyers billed him when his insurance company paid for his legal fees and they withheld correspondence from the insurance company.  They cheated him out of $1.5million.  As much as I hate Nick Hogan for his dastardly deeds, I think Hulkster has a point.  But before I can fully support him and become a Hulkamaniac, he needs an Ed Hardy intervention.  That crap is so played out.

Fiona Apple turned 32 this week.  When that first album came out I was in love.  There was something so seductive and sultry with her voice.  And that porno shoot video, forget about it.  Sadly, she never returned my letters or phone calls.  Stay tuned for the video section for some news about Ms. Apple.

Elvira turned 58 this week although certain parts of her are much younger.  I always loved how The Simpsons spoofed her...BOOOOOOBS!

Chris Brown took some time to show off his physique after serving a few hours on his community service sentence.  I would say this is for the ladies but you know...

Coco, you were once so beautiful, so elegant, so debonair but now you are wearing Ed Hardy.  You need an intervention.  Ed Hardy clothing is the new crack of Hollywood.  As much as I hate Ed Hardy, I have to admit Coco wears it nicely.

Charlize Theron....um...um...um...yeah.

Burt Reynolds checked into rehab for painkiller abuse.  He realized it was time after a night of heavy drinking and pill popping when he fell and cut himself but didn't feel it and lost a large amount of blood.  Seems he passed out and woke up in a puddle of his own blood.  Hopefully he gets better because I need a new Smokey and the Bandit.  I'm not talking about a remake with Adam Sandler but a new Smokey and the Bandit.  Like what happens when the Bandit gets older.  Maybe they will read my fan-fiction screenplay where Bandit has to get a shipment of Viagra over state lines but he is being pursued not only by the police but by Hugh Hefner because Hugh's doctor won't give him a new prescription and Hugh has three 18 year old girlfriends and is hosting an orgy at the Playboy mansion.

Avril Lavigne recently unveiled her new clothing line at a fashion show.  Ugh...it looks like it will be in Walmart by year's end.  Avril doesn't look so hot but that is to be expected when she separates from her husband Derrek Wibley.

This image of Mario Lopez wearing lingerie hit the internet this week.  It is from the new season of Nip/Tuck.  All I can think of is a scene from Mario's classic show, Saved by the Bell. 
Jessie sings: "I'M SO EXCITED!"
*Slater drops robe to reveal lingerie*
Jessie sings/sobs: "I'M SO...scared."  Do you get the reference?  If not check this.

Since Playboy isn't offering her a spread nor is Hustler returning her phone calls, Adrianne Curry took to twitter and posted these photos.  Whoever said Twitter was a waste of time was dead wrong.

Amy Winehouse defied medical logic by making it to the ripe old age of 26 this week.  The alcohol industry has been suffering in this economy but they are expected to make a full recovery since Amy was spotted in a bar this week.  She was "visibly" drunk.  Bookies in Vegas are no longer taking bets that she will become the next member of the 27 Forever club.

Britney Spears has come up with a new way to meet men.  She staged a phony audition for a music video.  She set up the audition and a model named Bekim Trenova was set to try out for the music video.  There were no cameras, no crew, and it was just Britney and Bekim.  He said she started making passes at him.  Oh Britney!  You so crazy!  Now if only I made movies...well I could have a casting call for a phony Smokey and the Bandit movie.

Since everyone has already written about Kanye West, I'll keep it brief.  Since President Obama called him a jackass, I think we need another beer summit between the President, Kanye, and Taylor Swift.  Part of Kanye's apology will have to be that he agrees never to use cap

Video Section:
Fiona Apple has some new music out.  Here is an advance.  I like the jazzy sound but I don't know if it fits her.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

continued from page 5...amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts...continued on page 24.

So last night I rolled off Xanga at around 1:30AM.  I tried to sleep.  It was near impossible.  I laid there going through all sorts of scenarios.  I even dug out my funeral plans and laid them out on my coffee table in sealed envelopes "just in case".  I am heavily relying on friends and family to send me off with a blast.  I don't want people crying and wailing...well unless my family sees fit to hire professional wailers like they did in the Biblical times...I want people to remember me as how I lived.  I am planning on having a massive kegger.  Some how I will get the word out over Xanga.

I think I finally fell asleep about 3:30 and then woke up at 4:30 because I had to be on the road by 5:15.  I am glad I left earlier than that with my parents because it was foggy despite the douchebag weatherman saying there was no fog.  Screw you, WKBT.  I also had to drive through Amish country and that sucks balls because you can't see their black buggies in the fog until you are on top of them.  I hit a bump and my mom spills her drink all over herself so we have to stop at a gas station so she can change.  She always brings extra clothes when going to medical conferences because she doesn't know if she is going to have go elbow deep into a corpse.  Well her class today involved advance cardiac resuscitation.  She didn't tell me if she got to play with any hearts.  Did I mention I had a student whose father was a brain surgeon and the dad brought in a human brain for the kids to examine?  How would you like a group of pimply and awkward 7th and 8th graders poking at your brain?

Well we got there and right next to the hospital and college campus was a laundromat and coffee shop.  God, coffee is a racket.  They should seriously investigate them instead of investigating me just because I like to hang out with fellow Italians and find stuff that fell off trucks.  $5 for a caramel machimoroni is a tad excessive.

Then I go to Walgreen's.  Candy corn flavored Dots.  "Hey you have blood tests.  You can't have those."  Of all the times you begin to be a parent when I want to eat my delicious candy corn flavored Dots.  I waited but of course they melted in the sun. 

My dad and I go to the lab and have blood drawn.  It was so torturous that I thought they were tying me up to be drawn and quartered.  I hate needles and the ilk.  I have panic attacks when they draw blood.  I faint.  Fluid that is inside of me for a purpose must remain inside of me.

The doctors are back-ordered so we have two hours before the appointments.  I go downtown in search of a Christian bookstore...sort of like trying to find a port in a storm.  It was out of business as were so many stores in the downtown district but I got to see the WORLD'S LARGEST SIX PACK OF BEER!  Dad wants to eat at McDonald's so I go to Burger King.  I feel like royalty when I dine at their fine restaurants plus I love cardboard crowns.

Back to the hospital.  Doctor comes in and sighs.  That's not a good sign.  "Well...I don't know what to say but...the tests are inconclusive."  Apparently my tests indicate that I could have cancer or not have it.  A few numbers cancel each other out.  He has no clue.  Exploratory surgery?  X-Rays?  Cameras up the butt?  Why spend the money?  I went through that all before and got the same answers.  More steroids, which I can't deny is a bad thing.  They improved more than just my lungs and appetite.

As I was waiting for my dad to get done I saw a former Green Bay Packer.  Gilbert Brown is now the head coach of an upstart indoor football team.  I told him I was going to be at try-outs.  He  said he looked forward to seeing me there.  We are such liars.

Dad gets out to the lobby and doesn't say a thing.  Bad news.  Finally he breaks down and says he has to come back in a few weeks to consult with a surgeon.  Christ...he is going to be on kidney dialysis and needs to get something put in for the dialysis to begin.  He took it bad.  I don't know how to react.   He gets bad news and I get no news and in this case I think no news is bad news. 

We went to eat lunch and he didn't say a word.  He was scared shitless.  I've never seen him like that.

I stopped off at a dollar store because everything's a dollar and most all the bath and beauty products are made by the people who make the brand name stuff but they just put it under a generic label.  Like a bottle of Axe goes for what $5?  The stuff I picked up was the same scent and the same company but under a lame name like Score Big.  I am set until there is snow on the ground for body spray, body wash, shampoo, and conditioner. 

The H1N1 is turning me into Howard Hughes.  Every time I see hand sanitizer I have to use it and then I have to use it a second time because I may not have killed enough the first time.  There was hand sanitizer stations all over the city.  Probably because those college kids are filthy but that is because that town boasts the world record for most bars on a single street.  I think I am going to enjoy life and head there next weekend for Octoberfest.  Ein Prosit!

Then my dad asked if we could go up into the bluffs.  It was eerie because the night before a young girl fell off the bluff because she was stupid and climbed over the safety fence.  I will have to post the photos tomorrow...not of the stupid girl but of the bluff and my trip.

On the way home I noticed that a farm was for sale.  Not just any farm but an organic farm.  105 acres plus house and barns.  Hmmm I have always wanted to harvest organs, especially the pipe organs that are in cathedrals. 

Then we picked up my mom back at the hospital and then I came home.  I crashed and woke up just in time for The Office. 

I think this would solve the housing problem.

In my last post I gave you one of the questions I was asked in religion class.  BDSM isn't a sin unless it involves Legos.

Lego Steven Hawking...you know if I had talent and Legos, I would make Lego versions of my Xanga readers.  It would be awesome if I had talent...and Legos...Santa, that's a hint.

I have hope that there is someone out there even for me.

We have found the Shroud of Vacation.

I am going to have nightmares about this tonight.

In case you ever needed the United Kingdom explained.

Geography doesn't agree with MSNBC much like reality does not agree with FOX News.

I feel like a drink, who is with me?

There are a lot of people out there who are curious when it comes to trying Krispy Kreme doughnuts(you may have to enlarge).   People got fired for that stunt and Krispy Kreme denied that their product was that good.  I wonder if there is a correlation between their denial and the rising number of Krispy Kreme stores closing.

Yes...and now I have C&C  Music Factory in my head...Gonna Make You Sweat!

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDOOOMMMM....within in defined parameters.  Mel Gibson would be proud.

So I was thinking about religion and atheism.  In the Mormon religion there is a belief that states that individuals have to ability to become a god.  Now if atheists deny there is a god would that mean if they deny the Mormon teachings that they are denying the existence of mankind?

So the other day I read somebody's blog about how Kurt Kobain's family was suing Guitar Hero for using his likeness in the game.  I had this pop into my mind.

I am evil, inconclusive, and Hunter Thompson has worn of on me.  He is infectious.

I can't sleep.  I am so nervous about tomorrow and all the tests and how they may come back.  I guess I shouldn't worry when I haven't been diagnosed before.  Ugh...anyway I read a post the other day that said I had to post facts about myself if I read the post so here goes.

1. When I was younger I was able to slam dunk. Most people look at me and would think otherwise but being able to squat 700lbs and leg curl 300lbs helps develop the muscles needed for dunking.

2. At the height of their popularity, I wore nothing but Zubaz pants.  During that year of school I don't think I owned even one pair of jeans.

3. I wear size 17(the American sizing chart) for my shoes.  It is damn near impossible to buy shoes.  Most shoe stores only carry to a 12 or 13.  I have to go to a store that deals with the Wisconsin Badgers.  I remember my shoe size was always a source of rumors on the bus.  Yes, I rode the bus in high school.  I lived away from home during high school and my parents wouldn't let me have a car because they couldn't keep tabs on the car if I was away.  Anyway a group of girls asked me my height and my shoe size.  I told them and then I heard giggling and then gasps and then muffled, "I really want to see it."  I always tried to figure out their devil's math but they refused to tell me.

4. I once got drunk at a party.  A friend and I coerced our designated driver to take us to a 24 hour grocery store.  Once inside I was stumbling around.  The dd tried to get me to sit down but I screamed, "I WANT CHEESE BECAUSE I'M FROM WISCONSIN!"  The check out guy gave me one of the motorized carts and all hell broke loose.  Driving up and down the aisles screaming, "Look at me!"  My friend crashed his cart into a bread display and I started laughing so hard I cried.  It was a fun time and I think our dd broke up with her boyfriend because she realized we were the type of people he hung out with.

5. I once wrote a pamphlet detailing how to survive a zombie attack.

6. I had chicken pox three times as a child.  It has left my skin allergic to numerous things which include nickel, ink, and Ivory soap. 

7. I currently have 3 piercings, two in my left ear and my eyebrow.  I once had up to 8.  5 in the ear, eyebrow, navel and my thingee.  I worried about infection and my thingee falling off so that one came out plus it hurt to walk.  I accidentally ripped my navel piercing out and 3 of my ear piercings got really hard and my ear started growing over the studs so I took them out.

8. I enjoy movies.  I have 1126 DVDs.  Thank you Blockbuster for being unsuspecting about my rental activities and thank you to the inventor of DVD burners.

9. I admire James K. Polk.  He accomplished all his goals as president in 4 years so he didn't seek another term. 

10. I have a fear of birds.  I was divebombed while on vacation as a kid and the bird crapped all over my face.  Also, my aunt and uncle raised parrots and they would attack me.  Birds hate me so I avoid them at all costs.

11. I have 8 myspace accounts and 3 facebook accounts.  I enjoy making fake accounts even though it is against their terms.  I only check one myspace account daily.  I rarely use it anymore.  I also creep out my students with myspace because I was a member before the "boom".  I heard about it because I am such a devoted Weezer fan and Rivers Cuomo released "tomorrow" from Annie on his so I just had to hear it.

12. The hardest thing I ever taught in my teaching career was sex ed to sophomores.  I taught it in a religion class so you can guess how we handled sex.  Anyway two jokers ask me questions that stuck with me:  "Mr. W, I'm a male and I know Jesus was a male and as a male certain things happen...well do you think Jesus ever got boners?"  "Mr. W, is S&M sinful?"  Maybe I should also include all the times I was asked if oral sex "counted".

13. I miss Hunter S Thompson and Kurt Vonnegut.

14. I was in choir for 7 semesters in college.  And here are some of my choirs selections:

15. I have had 5 car accidents in my driving career.  4 of those accidents involved deer.  I think it was some karmic thing because I hunt.  When I shot my first deer, I ate its heart in the field so its spirit became a part of me.

16. I enjoy roller derby.  I think it was more of a thing for seeing women fighting in roller skates and skirts.  I dig the alternative look girls.  I also dig ladies who work on cars.  I'm weird.

So the photo uploader when you are writing the posts is not working.  Ugh...I got premium for this?  What the hell, Xanga?  Why must you "fix" something when it is working properly?  That is change I can't believe in.  I can't believe people spend money on this product.

I have felt like crap the past couple of days and I guess it is due to the change in season as well as my flu shot.  My allergies are killing me.  My trees have are starting to change colors so I am feeling it.

Anyway here is your weekly dose of motivation:

The last one...they're real.  Don't ask because I won't tell.

I have a couple of more posts in me today because I don't think I will be around tomorrow.  I have to have blood tests drawn.  I am going to a different specialist.  The last guy had no clue and he seemed disinterested in helping me.  My dad has an appointment tomorrow and my mom is going for a conference of some sort at another hospital.  It's a regular old family vacation...too bad my dad and I are going to a Catholic hospital and she is going to a Lutheran hospital and my dad and I are going for health concerns and she is going for classes so she can better rehabilitate people with bad hearts and lungs. 

Music time:

(this is the second of my "girl" writings.  The first can be viewed here.)

Girl, what is it that you want from me?  Do you need me to get you feminine hygienic products?  I can do that.  Do you want me to squash that spider?  I can do that even though I have a fear of spiders ever since that one spider bit me and I almost lost a leg as a result.  Do you want me to make you a drink?  I have my own personal bar, stocked with the choicest of rail liquors.  Gin and Tonic?  I can make it.  Fuzzy Navel?  I can make it.  How about I make you my favorite summertime drink.  You the one.  It starts with some crisp Citronen citrus vodka and and then I mix it with the healthy elixir that is Dr. McGuilicutty's Cherry Schnapps and then it is all mixed with some fine Country Time Lemonade.  Girl, it's delicious.

So, girl, why am I asking you for what you want?  Well...girl, your wish is my command.

Your first wish is that I clean up.  I take my shower and shampoo with the suavest of the Suave Shampoos.  It is lavender scented.  Why lavender?  Girl, it's your favorite.  After I thoroughly dry off, I shave with my Norelco razor.  Girl, I have to admit that I fear cutting myself with a razor blade.  Still I get a close and smooth shave.  It may not be as smooth as a baby, but, girl, I know you like it rough.

I decide that I need to dress up for you.  Those silk boxers that you adore?  They go on first.  Girl, I know it must sound bizarre that I would tell you that I put my boxers on first but I don't want you to that I am a fool and I want to dress perfectly because, girl, your wish is my command.

I have decided to go with my black suit because you have said this is your favorite of my suits.  It was purchased at the Men's Warehouse because I am a frugal shopper and they stand behind every purchase and they guarantee it.  My shirt?  Well, it's that burgundy one that you and I both like.  My tie is hard to select because you always compliment me on my tie collection.  I narrow the choices to a red and white striped silk tie that was a gift from a friend who taught English in China because first it goes with my shirt and by selecting this one I want you to see that I surround myself with desirable and professional characters because, girl, I am not a thug; the black and white check tie that I got in my tie of the month club; or the Jerry Garcia painting print tie.  I have decided to go with the Jerry tie but don't worry, it's not Jerry himself but one of his abstract paintings.  I have selected this tie because I want you to see that I have excellent taste in art and music. 

Next, I have to choose my cologne.  Which should I go with, girl?  Really, you like that one?  So I slap on your choice, Angel by Thierry Mugler.  Thank you girl, I love this scent.  I smell like freshly baked cinnamon rolls.

I arrive at your place with some freshly picked wild flowers and a bottle of wine.  I ring your doorbell.  Those three notes sound like an angel chorus to me, girl, because they remind me that soon I will be in your luscious presence.  You answer the door.  I am speechless because you are standing in front of me.  Girl, you are my goddess in sweatpants.

I present you with the bottle of wine.  You question my selection.  It's Night Train, girl.  It will inspire us to ride the rails of love all night but I can assure you that it won't be an express trip nor will we visit the sleeper car on the rails of love.  Girl, you know what I am talking about, you devilish little minx.

You are eying my other present, the wildflowers.  I give them to you.  You remark that you have never seen flowers quite like these.  Well, girl, I will let you in on a secret, I picked them at a local state park.  Yes, that means I am a criminal but I ain't a thug.  For you, girl, I would pick a million flowers under fear of prosecution,  You sniff the ill-picked flowers and smile.  Girl, remember these flowers are part of my bad-boy persona but I ain't a thug.

Girl, here I am, what do you want me to do?  Really, right away?  Your wish is my command.  Girl, this may get a little dirty.  I have to take off my suit.  Just lay back and get ready for me to go to work.  Some people will say that what I am about to do is unhygienic but your wish is my command.  Girl, relax and let me take over.  You must have gotten started before I got here because it is so wet.  My fingers and hands are soaked up to my elbows.  Girl, normally I wouldn't do this jsut for anyone but your wish is my command and I will happily scrub your toilet.

Girl, now what do you want me to do?  OK, I can make you a snack.  What goes good with Night Train?  That's right, girl, S'Mores!  I begin with the most delectable of marshmallows and the finest choice cut of chocolates, Hershey's.  Girl, I can't hide my money when I am with you.  I sandwich the chocolate and marshmallow between two crisp yet delicate golden graham crackers.  Girl, thirty seconds in the microwave and then you can have this gooey and sticky goodnes in your mouth.  Relax, girl, you sit on the couch and I will bring them to you.  Lay back and open your mouth.  Does it taste good?  Oops, there is some on your cheek.  Let me lick that off.  I forgot the wine.  Drink up.  All aboard the Night Train, girl.

MMM...that Night Train hit the spot and well it should when it only costs $2 a bottle.  Girl, you are so drunk.  I don't think you can make it up your stairs.  Well, girl, I will carry you.  Just watch you head as we go through the doorway.

Girl, have you lost weight?  You are as light as a feather in my arms.  Now we have reached a predicament that may prove difficult to solve.  How do I peel back the covers for you while holding you in my arms?  OK, I got it.  I fling you on my shoulder and quickly fling off your covers and then I gently lay you down and tuck you in to your soft and warm bed.  Girl, you want to do what?  No, although I appreciate the offer of sex, I can't accept when you are in this condition.  This is one wish that I cannot grant.  To avoid temptation I will go sleep on your couch.  This will serve a dual purpose because I may want to watch late night informercials so that I can have new toys and learn of the wonders of Post-T-Vac and Girls Gone Wild.

I wake up and I hear you snoring but girl, it's the cutest.  I decide to make you breakfast.  Girl, Night Train does not agree with me in the morning because it is the Night Train and can only be enjoyed in the night time which means your breakfast may be scant.  I have prepared for you some freshly cut fruit and your favorite, Eggo waffles.

You are still sleeping and, girl, you look like an angel.  You wake up when you smell the maple syrup on the delicious Eggo waffles.  You love your breakfast.  Sitting here and watching you eat has got me thinking about taking you up on your offer from last night.  Yes, I thought about it all night because, girl, you haunt my dreams.  First things first, girl, you're gonna have to leggo that Eggo so I can rock your world.  What?  I have never heard such a request.  Of course I can hit you doggystyle so you can eat your breakfast because, girl, your wish is my command.

Damn!

Previously on Freaks and Geeks: Pilot, Beers and Weirs, Tricks and Treats, Kim Kelly is My Friend, Tests and Breasts, I'm with the Band, Carded and Discarded, Girlfriends and Boyfriends, We've Got Spirit, The Diary, Looks and Books.

The Garage Door was directed by Bryan Gordon and written by Paul Feig and Gabe Sachs.  This episode also has been called Tries and Lies.

Plot Summary: Neal learns his father is cheating on his mother. Ken develops a crush on the tuba player in the school's marching band and Lindsay helps set them up.

I really like this episode because it focuses on some of the other players in the series.  Neal and Ken were basically used to make sarcastic comments and here they are center stage.  Neal gets a story line devoted to his family.  We learn that his father is a dentist and a womanizer.  I also enjoyed how the story revolved around Atari.  God, I loved that system.  There were times when I would rather play that over NES or SNES.  The Neal storyline is somewhat dark for this series but divorce and cheating was a topic that was starting to become common place in American society in the early 80s so it is fitting.  I always thought Sam McMurray did an excellent job playing Dr. Schweiber.  The geeks had him to fall back to to feel cool.  He obviously was cooler than Sam's dad and as for Bill, we'll see in future episodes who he has for a male family role model.  Oh and another thing that is funny is when Bill and Sam discuss the geek code and how Bill told Sam and Neal about a time in class when he meant to fart but something else happened.  I laughed so hard.  I was also creeped out by Dr. Schweiber during his check-up with Sam. 

The Ken storyline is funny because I sort of related.  He falls for a smart girl that is probably a friend of Lindsay's because Lindsay is a brain.  I remember falling for those smart girls that more than likely would never be caught with a guy like me.  That happened so often in college.  Unlike Ken I couldn't make quips.  I was speechless around this one girl.  I don't know what was wrong with me.  I think she knew that I was interested so to deter me she talked about how her boyfriend was visiting.  Heartbroken...but then I found another girl.  We shared a music class and it was one of the most difficult classes I have ever had.  I swear the professor was a sadist.  All I can remember from that class was how awesome it felt to walk out of the musical hall after class ended.  It was orgasmic.  Anyway, my dorm was right next to the music hall but for some reason I went the other way and there was the new girl of my affection.  I asked her what she thought of the quiz and she giggled out an answer.  We walked across campus and talked about stuff.  I was smitten.  I get to her dorm and I look at the male dorm next and said, "Well I am lost because this isn't my dorm."  She laughed and said I needed a map to find my way around school.  We said our goodbyes but I couldn't muster anything to ask her out.  I kicked myself.  I tell my roommate about it and he says that he would set it up because his fiance was the girl's roommate.  My heart was racing.  He comes back and says that she is actually afraid of me because I smoke and drink.  She had never touched a cigarette or been around a smoker and she had only had one drink in her life excluding of course communion wine.  I was devestated and sank into a depression.  Well for my roommate's wedding, he paired me with this girl.  We had a fun time but low and behold she announced that she is engaged to her roommate's brother.  Apparently they dated through email and letters.  And that is when I think I became a minister and entered my vow of celibacy.  So is that a FML moment?

Things to Look For:  Nick's not the only one being transparent in his continued feelings towards Lindsay. In an early scene at the Weir dinner table that's otherwise about setting up Jean's inferiority complex towards the Schweiber's, Neal tries to impress Lindsay with a display of his sensitive side, noting that he cried while watching "Ordinary People," and that he intends to see it again.

The girl who plays Tuba Girl was in one of my favorite movies "Election".  She was was Chris Klein's lesbian kid sister.  Sadly there hasn't been much of her since her appearances on Freaks and Geeks.

Music: "25 or 6 to 4" (Chicago), "When the Saints Go Marching In" and ["Go, Fight, Win"], performed by McKinley High Marching Band; "Beautiful Loser" by Bob Seger; "Let the Good Times Roll" by the Cars; "Karn Evil #9" by Emerson, Lake and Palmer; "Devil Went Down to Georgia" by The Charlie Daniels Band; "Amie" by Pure Prairie League; "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Trivia: The game of Asteroids being played by Bill, Neal and Sam is different from the Atari 2600 version, which used filled shapes for the asteroids instead of the arcade version's vector outlines

These Atari games mentioned or pictured in the department store were not released until 1981 or after: Asteroids, Pole Position, Berzerk, Dig Dug, Real Sports Baseball, and Robot Tank. These Intellivision games are seen on the Atari rack in the department store and were not released until 1981 or later: Space Armada and Triple Action.

A New York State license plate can be seen among many others. This style of license plate (white w/ Statue of Liberty) was not issued in New York State until 1986. License plates in New York were blue on deep yellow until 1986.  Remember the series takes place in Michigan.

Dr. Schweiber's license plate reads "IFLOSSEM".

The device Neal's dad puts into Sam's mouth in the scene at the dentist's office was a gag that producer Judd Apatow used to use in his old stand-up routine.  The geeks ride around town on their bikes, trying out the garage door opener to confirm Neil's suspicions about his father.  A door opens when Neil clicks the opener at it, but it turns out someone is pulling in the driveway at that moment.  A relieved Neil says "I almost had a heart attack." Bill responds by saying "I'm coming Elizabeth; it's the big one!"  Bill's joking response is a reference to the 70's sitcom "Sanford and Son". Whenever Fred Sanford, played by Redd Foxx, would get really upset, he would exaggerate and claim he was having a heart attack, allowing him to join his late wife Elizabeth.

Quotes:
Kim: Check out the pizza-face dork with the trombone! Why doesn't he just pop those things?
Daniel: I think if he did, he'd die of blood loss.

Neal: I'm just going to have my coffee now.
Bill: Is that before or after you shave?

Ken: "Nice threads!"
Amy (perfectly aping Rogen's deep, old man tones): "Nice voice!"

Ken: "Hey, Sgt. Pepper, where's the rest of the lonely hearts band?"
Amy: "Looks like you ate them!"

Here is the episode.  Enjoy!

I've been holding back and I thought I would share my thoughts on the tragic event.  I wanted to see what other people typed.  There were some fitting tributes and some that quite frankly made me want to jump through the intertubes and kick people in the junk.

Let those images sink in for a moment.

They are so stirring and yet one is so false it makes my blood boil, yet a movement in America uses it for proof of a conspiracy.  The events of September 11th, 2001 stirred a nation.   In a sense they woke us to what the rest of the world had been enduring during the latter half of the 20th century.  Fear of terrorist attacks had finally came to America.

Everyone this weekend seemed to ask the same question: Where were you?  Sometimes I feel embarrassed about where I was and at other times I feel great because I did not let the terrorists win.  The night prior to the attacks, I was in the bar.  It was Monday Night Football and a friend of mine was bartending.  He said, "Hey Wurm, come down to the bar tonight, we got the big screen, free food, and if you slip me a fin, I'll give you all you can drink."  How could I resist?  I was a college student and $5 for all I could drink was a deal.  The Giants and the Bronocs played and I could care less.  I was having a blast with a few friends.  I didn't have to worry about classes because my first class the next day was at 11.  I had my dorm room to myself because my roommate was student teaching.  I had a great sleep.  The bad thing was that I woke up later than I expected.  My school had chapel at 10:15 and I woke up at 10.  Now, it wasn't mandatory chapel but if a teacher spotted you or checked your dorm room then you would get a stern lecture about wasting worship opportunities.  I took an Irish shower and made my way to chapel.  I saw my friend Dick and he looked horrible.  I asked what was going on. 
"Planes....flying into buildings...America's at war." 
"Shut up, Dick." 
"Fuck you, I'm serious."
I shut up and we walked to chapel.  Everyone was talking about it.  What was I missing?  I don't remember anything the chapel speaker said.  Then the dean of the school went up on stage and started talking about what was happening and that school would not be canceled.  After he dismissed us I headed to my class, a history course on the American Civil War.  The teacher came in, filled with tears, and said that he could not lecture today and that we were to go pray for our citizens.  A couple of my classmates and I headed for the cafeteria.  We got our food and sat down and began discussing what was transpiring.  They asked "Did you see it, Wurm?"  No, I was sleeping.  Then the cafeteria works turned on the overhead speaker system because the President was speaking.  There were people laughing and joking and I clearly remember my friend Joel scream, "SHUT THE HELL UP!"  We couldn't finish our meal.  I went to my mailbox not knowing what to do.  The student union was packed.  I swear there were more people in that place than for some of our basketball games.  I saw the aftermath and then walked back to the class building.  I noticed that my afternoon class was canceled.  When I got back to my dorm room I turned on the tv and tried calling home.  The phone lines were down.  Then I heard a guy shouting in the hall, "GO GET GAS!  MY MOM SAID IN MICHIGAN IT JUMPED TO $7 A GALLON!"  I knew I needed gas so I got out and went and waited about 30 minutes.  After I filled up the gas jumped to $2 a gallon.  I finally got in contact with my parents.  Even though they were nowhere near New York or Pennsylvania or D.C., it was a relief to hear from them.  They said the gas station in their small town was selling gas for $11 a gallon.

Later that night a group of friends and I went out to the bar....Joel, Dick, Croatian Sensation, Oaf, Baldy, Nelrod, Pringle, Pakdam, Tomzack, Bode...yeah they were all there.  We listened as Bush addressed the nation and not an eye was dry when he quoted Psalm 23. 

Anyway that was my day.

What I have not enjoyed about 9/11 have been two responses.  One is the blind "patriotism" following of the government.  That "you're either with us or you're with the terrorists", forced flag-waving mentality.  There is something for bringing those that planned this attack to justice but going after a country that had nothing to do with the attack is another.  I remember sitting in church and hearing prayers about how we want to bring those responsible to justice and asking God to punish the terrorists.  It reminded me of my favorite writing by Mark Twain, "The War Prayer".

You have to think, when you ask God for a decided victory, there is a prayer that you are praying that remains silent.  You are praying that other people be maimed and killed. 

The other response that sickens me is what people call the Truth Movement.  What do they want?  The truth about the 9/11 attacks.  Sure, I'll concede that there are things that would be interesting to know but then I think of all the videos that were confiscated and agreed in doing so because I could see people selling those videos to make a profit from these tragic events.  One thing I have heard people say is that they want the truth but when asked what good will the truth do, they have no answer.  Will knowing 100% benefit society?  Or will it just make you want more and more and more?  You can post all the youtube videos that you want, it's not going to make you seem like a scholar.  Just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it's the TRUTH.  I have this website that says that the city of Mankato, MN is encased in a dome and the temperature is a constant 76F.  The same website also says that Mankato was the site of a secret Nazi submarine factory and has excellent whale watching and boasts underground pyramids and hot springs.  Then there is a video from The Onion that people claim is evidence that the government was behind 9/11 because they want to inter Americans in re-education camps.  How fucking dumb are you?  You claim that you want the truth so the victims can rest in peace.  Your meddling is blocking that from happening.  Why don't you go expose a story that the moon landing was a hoax?  Oh wait, you already posted a few youtube videos about that.  Thank you, your scholarship and ability to embed videos is astounding.

So you want truth?  What will it give us?  Why don't you jsut admit you want to see the government fail?  You don't want government because you are one of these so-called Libertarians who doesn't like government interfering in the lives of citizens.  You can have that.  Move to Somalia.  You'll love it.  They have no central functioning government.  Of course you may have to deal with pirates and all sorts of other evil doers but at least you will be free of government. 

I ran into a truth movement person on Saturday.  They were having a protest in my small town.  Three people showed up.  I asked my questions that I have asked here and they had no answer.  They made a lame excuse that said they didn't ever want to forget those events.  Then I replied with this:
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"9/11."
"9/11 who?"
"I thought you said you would never forget."

I am being mean to the Truth Movement but I am going to help you.  Yes, in my Christian nature, I will lend you a hand and point you in the direction that you should look where to lay blame for the tragic events of 9/11.  OK...sigh...here it goes....the mastermind of the attacks was.....Jeff Tweedy of the band Wilco.

You don't believe me.  Well I don't have a youtube video to post but I have researched this plenty so I consider myself a scholar on this subject just like everyone who claims to be a demolition expert in light of 9/11.

So the band wrote this album and in fact Jeff Tweedy penned this song, Jesus Etc.

LISTEN!  IT'S RIGHT THERE!

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Voices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around

I mean how can you not hear it.  They wrote most of that material in late 2000/ early 2001.  They even had the audacity to originally plan to release the album on September 11th of 2001.  Want more proof?  Here's the cover to their album Yankee Hotel Foxtrot:

SEE!  Even though the two towers featured on the album cover are Marina City in Chicago, it bears such a striking resemblance to the World Trade Center.  I think Jeff Tweedy masterminded the attacks to get back at AOL/ Time Warner because of how they mismanaged their contract.

Yeah, Jeff, you keep playing that guitar.  I know the truth.

So I will remember 9/11 but I am not going to go out and attack people because they are of the Muslim religion or have brown skin nor will I purpose asinine conspiracies where there are none necessary.

In loving memory of all who suffered and died in the attacks perpetrated against America on September 11th, 2001.

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