Month: September 2009

  • Celebrity Round Up 9/11

    Ugh...today was a sad day.  8 years ago the worst terrorist attack against American civilians on American soil transpired.  It was a sad day followed by mass hysteria, a hysteria which hasn't subsided.  I was set to write a longer post dedicated to the attacks but I got sidetracked today.  I went and had my hair cut and I ended up staying at the barber shop for an hour and a half just talking about life and the like.  After that I went to church.  No there wasn't a service but I went into the basement so I could be free of distractions.  I finally finished my next girl entry.  Yes, I said I had it finished earlier this week but I was so iffy on the ending.  Well I had it pop into my head after hearing a song and other stuff so I had to put pen to paper.  I finished and went home.  I ate some supper and then watched 102 Minutes on History Channel.  Well tomorrow I hope to get some more writing done but today I have to post this.  Dang, I also have to reply to comments in my previous posts.  Well anyway here's the round-up.  Warning some images may not be safe for work or life.


    Like this photo of Sarah Jessica Parker is not safe for life.  Here she is in her flashback gear for the Sex in the City sequel.  I just can't believe that is what her character looked like over twenty years ago.  No make-up can help her.

    Here's another NSFL photo.  Here is Kim Cattrall in her flashback gear.  It is so bad.  I am not convinced.  Who am I kidding this movie will be horrible but people will adore it!  I never saw the first movie and I have seen about 15 minutes of the show.  So maybe I have no clue what I am talking about.

    Here's a little something for the ladies.  It's nice to see that Ron Jeremey still has "it" after all these years.  "It" is not a foot-long hotdog in his pocket; he's just happy to see you.

    Raquel Welch turned 69 this week.  God Bless America, land that I love.  Stand beside her, and guide her through the night with a light from above.  From the mountains, to the prairies, to the oceans, white with foam.
    God bless America, my home sweet home.

    Who knew Tilex could get rid of nether cooties?  NETHER COOTIES...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I think with Paris Hilton's outbreak that it would take a little more than Tilex.  Napalm would be needed.

    You do realize there comes a time in a man's life when he questions his former spank material.  Oh and Pamela Anderson's recent PETA ads were pulled because they were supposedly too raunchy but in actuality little children were frightened by her face.

    Speaking of being frightened by someone's face...those lips.  Octo-crazy wanted to be at Michael Jackson's recent burial service.  She went so far as to write a letter to Jackson's mother asking for permission to attend.  Octo-crazy said that she was his soulmate because they both loved children.  I think the only reason she felt so close to him was because Michael was a bigger threat to the welfare of children in the state of California.

    Nicole Richie gave birth to a son this week.  She and her significant other, Joel Madden, named their son Sparrow James Midnight Madden.  Sparrow James Midnight was welcomed to the Our Parents Hate Us Because They Gave Us Shitty Names Club by Kal-El Cage, Pilot Inspektor Lee, and Moxie Crimefighter Jillette.  Wow...Sparrow James Midnight...that will be a great name for when he turns goth.

    Milla Jovovich posed nude for a French magazine.  Lily Allen posed nude a few weeks ago for a different French magazine as did Sharon Stone and Kate Moss.  Why are all these women posing nude for French magazines?  I GOT IT!  The Beret!  Nothing exudes raw sexuality like the beret.  I need to get me a beret because then I can start my production company. 

    Michael Moore debuted his new movie at the Venice Film Festival.  I believe it is called Calories: A Love Story...wait that's Capitalism: A Love Story.  My fact checker is on vacation.  I didn't mind some of Moore's work but after Bush was elected he went off the deep end.  By the way, in the time it took you to read this and think of how you were going to applaud me or disagree with me, Michael Moore ate an entire large pizza.

    Michael Bay was spotted coming out of a restaurant with this prostitute looking woman.  Maybe he took her for an audition.  Yes, it was an audition because look at her face.  She is trying to be cast as a twin for Megan Fox.  Her name is unknown but look for her in Transformers 3.

    I am confused.  Is Beth Ditto trying to look like Little Orphan Annie or the goddess that was Divine, if you don't know Divine then you don't know John Waters.  Check out Divine's duel role in the original Hairspray and then you may understand why they cast John Travolta as a woman in the musical remake.  OK, back to joke.  Maybe Beth Ditto was a secret love child between Divine and Little Orphan Annie.  Anyway, Beth was on her way to judge a drag show in London which probably means she was trying to channel her inner Divine.

    Lindsay Lohan recently posted these photos on her Twitter because she claims to be such a huge True Blood fan.  Well she is a blood sucking leach so I guess it is appropriate.  She probably got those fake teeth at Hot Topic because that store is so cool.  Either that or she went to the local Dollar Tree and checked out their Halloween section.

    GOD TWITTER IS AWESOME!  I think Lindsay's crotch was burning for a different reason earlier this week when these were posted on Twatter...typo stays.  I think she is still in love with Sam but Sam cheated on her or is with a different person.  I am not fluent in crack-whore-ese.  Maybe I should follow Courtney Love on Twitter so I can have her translate.

    Lily Allen posed for GQ UK.  She was named Woman of the Year by that magazine.  I concur, she is woman of the year.  My heart is racing...and that makes me sound quite masculine.

    Jenna Haze hit the beach this week.  I bet you can't guess what she does for a living.  She's giving you a clue, just look at her mouth.  So she was in Maui this week and ironically half of Maui was in her by week's end.  That gets the rimshot of the week....HEY I SAID RIMSHOT NOT RIMJOB....PLEASE DON'T GOOGLE THAT

    Lady Gaga posed nude in a bondage motif for the Japanese issue of Vogue.  And she also wore whatever it was while leaving a radio station.  One of these days she will shock us by wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt.

    Sometimes I wonder how Katy Perry got so famous.  I mean she isn't the greatest singer in the world.  Then I saw this photo and it was quite obvious.

    Katherine Heigl is set to adopt a 10 month old baby girl from Korea.  She made that announcement on the Ellen Degeneres show so that people wouldn't think Katherine steals babies.  Those are her words, not mine.  Either way, I will not mess with her.  It looks like it is feasting time.

    Kate Gosslein was offered $400,000 to pose nude for Playboy.  Sadly she said no.  Actually one of her handlers said that when Kate saw the offer she tore the letter and threw it in the garbage because she wouldn't want her children to think she was a horrible woman...she lets TLC do that.  Lately it seems like any woman that is mentioned in the news, Playboy offers them a nude pictorial.  Let's hope Rosie O'Donnell stays out of the spotlight.  That has me thinking...Playboy has done Women of Walmart...Women of Starbucks...Women of something or other...how about a Women of Xanga?

    Here's something for the ladies.  I wonder if women would go after Jeremy Piven even if they knew he has sex with anything that has a pulse.

    Holly Madison makes it too easy.  You know after Playboy does the Women of Xanga, they need to do a pictorial of women eating pickles and ice cream cones...yeah, ice cream cones.

    Ellen Degeneres is set to replace Paula Abdul as the fourth judge for American Idol.  She is supposedly going to provide the contestants with the regular viewer's perspective.  Yes, Ellen and I are both alike: we're both multi-millionaires, we've both had HBO comedy specials, and we have both slept with Portia de Rossi.  Ellen may have to wear a fake beard so we can tell the difference between her and Ryan Seacrest.  Here's the kicker, Ellen was offered 10 times the amount of money they offered Paula Abdul to stay.  I bet Paula is seething.  Better lock up all the pharmacies in the tri-state region!  Oh well, Paula is set to have her own stage show in Las Vegas and she told reporters that she thinks she will set record attendance numbers and outdraw Cher and Barbara Streisand...yeah, she's on drugs.

    Chris Brown is one of 25 performers that is set to take part in a Michael Jackson tribute concert in Vienna.  And you probably know where I am going with this...I hope the song he pays tribute to Jackson with is "Beat It".

    I wonder at what age Britney Spear's children will realize that they don't have two African-American fathers nor do they have a Costa Rican mother.  I called my bookie in Vegas and put money down on age 10.

    This whore, Tila Tequila, had her boyfriend, Shawn Merriman of the San Diego Chargers, arrested for choking her and restraining her.  He claims that he never choked her but did restrain her because she was trying to drive away from a party and she was drunk.  When she was examined by a doctor, the doctor said there were no visible signs she was choked.  It's just Tila practicing her whore-jitsu once again.  The

    Then the twitter went wild.  Tila mounted her defense on Twitter.  She is lying.  She is actually a prolific drinker.  That can be seen in her reality series and any interview she does for Maxim.

    Tila, the whore, posted a link to this photo hours before she was supposedly choked and restrained.  Hmmm last time I checked the urban dictionary, getting tipsy meant drinking.  Hell that is what my mom calls drinking.

    Tila posted all these tweets on Twitter.  For some mystical reason, possibly because of whore-jitsu, all of these tweets disappeared from Twitter.  You should read those messages and then re-read her comment about being allergic to alcohol.  It's quite funny.

    Tila showed up to visit the District Attorney in San Diego.  After the meeting she showed off all her bruises to the paparazzi.  Well her Twitter defense strategy and the fact that Shawne Merriman had dozens of witnesses that say he did no harm her and that she was trying to drive drunk and a bar owner that said Tila was visibly drunk when they were in the establishment did not help.  I wonder how Twitter is going to play in legal cases.  It's horrible to think.

    Video Section:
    George Clooney was at the Venice Film Festival promoting his new movie, Men Who Stare at Goats, when he was asked a strange request.  You know George wanted to say yes.

    When you get your cell-phone and choose a password, never select 1234.  That's too easy.  Wel Lindsay Lohan's phone was stolen and her voicemail password was 1234.  Take a listen.  See if you can spot when Sam calls or when her dad calls.

    Lindsay Lohan Voicemails from ANIMALnewyork.com on Vimeo.

    And finally here is some good old fashioned Alanis Morrisette as sung by Britney Spears.

    Well, I hope everyone has a swell weekend.  I'll be back later.

  • Randomocity

    So in my last pulse I expressed great joy over something that happened this evening.  No, it wasn't that pervs.  I couldn't sleep last night and I got to thinking about how a few weeks ago there was a trend on Xanga where people read blogs and recorded themselves reading blogs aloud.  I thought that was so cool but I couldn't participate since my computer mounted microphone hasn't worked for some time because my cats decided to feast on the cord.  Well I got to thinking about a microphone I bought years ago in hopes of being able to record my voice screaming during my mash-ups.  Alas, the mic never worked on that system.  So I wondered what happened to that mic.  I checked my old computer that is all boxed in my attic but it wasn't there.  I then went to my desk and sure enough there it was.  Well I hooked it up and then immediately went to my voice recording program and said, "Test...Test...Hello...Hello" and then I pressed play.  I heard my voice.  It worked.  I wa stunned.  This device I had for nearly 8 years and left unused actually worked.  I then got thinking that it would be awesome if I read a certain post.  Well I loaded up the page and the program.  I read a few paragraphs and then the program stopped.  It only allowed me to record 60 seconds.  I was livid and my dreams were shattered.  Well I calmed down and investigated through this search engine called Google.  I found an mp3 voice recording program.  I tried it out and it worked and I could record things longer than 60 seconds.  I was tingly.  Well, I had shopping to do and football to watch this evening so I didn't get to make what I wanted to actually record.  I decide that since tomorrow is 9/11 that I would read a short story by Mark Twain, probably Twain at his best.  Well the file was almost 9 minutes long.  I figured it would never upload to Xanga.  I tried.  IT UPLOADED!  Tomorrow I will put it in a post about 9/11.  Now I have unleashed a new beast upon Xanga.  Look out.

    I haven't been myself lately, maybe I am you.

    A waitress once told me, "I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant."

    I imagine saying this to a future wife every night before we go to bed: "Wake me if you're horny."

    You shouldn't drink and then have sex, but damn it, it works.

    Smoking and drinking go together like porn and nachos.

    The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.  Those were the winning Pick 3 numbers sometime.  Coincidence?  No, the Masons run the lottery too.

    There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people. The kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million.   And oddly enough, they aren't racist.  I don't know what that means.   I had to throw in something about race since that is what everyone else seems to talk about these days.  Remember when everyone talked about burqas?  Those were the good old days.

    Charlie Brown's father was a barber, which explains why he was bald.

    Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.  This explains why women can't see price tags and men can't hear when women ask me to take out the garbage but I was watching football and it was a crucial play so why don't you get off my back because god you are becoming a nag just like your mother yes I said that you are becoming just like your mother and hopefully you don't follow her lead and get that huge sagging ass.

    Some images may not be safe for work or life.


    I mentioned this on another person's blog.  It was in response to the guy that was getting out of speeding tickets because he wore a monkey mask and the cameras could never match him with the license.

    Oh it's so scathing

    Yes, that is about right.  I think the first time in my football watching career I plan on cheering for the Browns. 

    Next time, I plan on taking this scenic route.

    This recession is getting out of hand.  Even our superheroes are losing their jobs and homes due to foreclosure.

    That taxidermist has a wicked sense of humor.  The dog's hair looks as if it is being blown by the wind...how clever!

    I find it empowering when women feel comfortable with their bodies and post sexy photos but there is something wrong with this picture.

    I find it empowering when women feel comfortable with their bodies and post sexy photos but there is something wrong with this picture.  And you thought I was going to make another pussy joke.  That was so two weeks ago.

    I find it empowering when women feel comfortable with their bodies and post sexy photos but there is something wrong with this picture.  Hmmm now I am hungry for a Big Mac and shake.  Thank you twitter!

    Hmmmm

    Nine Inch Nails concerts are the best and most intense but Trent reznor should've went with a Mac.

    I would pay for that pay-per-view instead of hijacking my neighbor's signal.

    Children, this is what we call post-modern feminism.

    Finally one of those car ribbon stickers for me.

    And because The Beatles have been everywhere lately...I was watching MTV2 the other day and saw a Beatles video for "Birthday" but in the Guitar Hero format.

    Good night and good luck.

  • About Me

    I have been saying for a while now that I was going to divulge some personal information.  A few of you have posted surveys about yourself so I thought I should finally jump on the bandwagon.

    MEW

    A smile

    Potato, cheese, and garlic pirogi

    Golden Corral...they thaw their frozen food by spraying hot water on it, not that it is wrong but they have to food placed on the floor.

    beer

    does it count if I didn't hug back but they just came up to me and said I looked like I needed a hug and I grumbled?

    nope

    sure

    I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me.  I may also throw in that I can sing and I am strong

    I was at a church picnic or a Chinese place

    It's either Jesus or Evan Williams

    5:43PM

    kids shouting at the bus stop across from my house

    can I say both since I am a fan of both

    yes

    Italian

    St. Swithun's Day

    Who doesn't

    not really unless they smell

    I always get the feeling that they are actually insults geared toward the wearer of the tattoo

    only if her husband agrees

    I'm not that special or lovable

    Once again, Jesus or Evan Williams

    Only for sexy times purposes

    No and for a whole summer I worked next to a bungee jump business

    No

    not that I am aware of but when people hit on me it usually goes over my head because it happens so rarely

    2 cats

    yeah, he had a bad case of sunburn

    sunny and somewhat warm

    syndicated 2 and a Half Men

    Tonight You Belong to Me sung by Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters

    Gallipoli, I think it was Mel Gibson's first movie.  He gets naked and you see his bare-ass but that is not why I watched

    No, I fear hurting my eye with them

    Library

    Birds, dogs, heights, dying alone

    at one point it was up to 7

    I have thought about the nipples but I have an inny and I don't know if I want doorknockers

    Women are embarrassed by me

    the last thing I ordered from a Starbucks was a bottle of their cinnamon syrup

    I'm not reading, I'm filling out a survey.  OK but I regularily read ESPN: The Magazine and Maxim

    repeatedly

    sure

    at the moment I am really digging old shows like Rome and Freaks and Geeks oh and The Shield and Sons of Anarchy and of course Big Brother

    Never played it even though I had a free account because I bought a South Park DVD

    yes

    Chris Farley, Jon Candy, William Howard Taft

    Megan Fox with a ball gag in her mouth and in a prison cell for life

    so difficult...Pulp Fiction or Clerks

    no

    I once got caught cheating on a test, I hadn't received my copy and a classmate asked me a question and I gave him the answer.  I had five points taken off my test and I still got an A+

    I must admit I love the smell of napalm in the morning and gasoline and freshly baked bread

    I mostly eat plain because it is healthier than the other two options

    no but it sounds fun

    I did a few ride alongs with a police department

    an aunt passed away earlier this summer

    Our Lady Peace...Nickelback is the worst band and quite possible the most overrated in the history of rock

    Now that I answered the Nickelback question, they relly bug me, I am also irritated by people talking to themselves out loud

    as a performer he was OK but I detest him as a human being

    Taco Bell

    Ah...I have always loved this stuff called Happy by Clinique

    toss up between the Red Sox and the Brewers

    when I was a strange pre-teen I found an add for a phone sex number in one of my dad's magazines...it was something like 1-900-WET-FART.  It was a let down.

    Depends on the person, sometimes the nose rings look like boogers

    5 days, I started seeing things

    years ago, in college for PE, I bowled an 11

    people think I am strange because I like to sleep on the floor

    a Christian life insurance company

    today

    a bottle of Peach Schnapps

    If you want to know more, ask.
    And now for the more personal touch in a style of Jeopardy.

    This measures 13 inches.  What is my forearm?  (What did you think it was, perv)
    This is 10 inches in circumference.  What is my wrist? (It's hard to find watches)
    This is 12 inches.  What is my fist? (and I wear a size 15 ring)
    This is 22 inches.  What are my biceps?  (I feel bad that I have yet to achieve Hulk Hogan's 24 inch pythons)
    This is 26 inches.  What are my calf muscles? (Yes, I am a power lifter.  I was once able to do 1000lbs on a hip sled and could squat 600+lbs.  I maxed out on a bench press at 425lbs but now I am down to 300lbs)

    And now what you all are anxiously waiting for


    This is a nude pic.  Yes, that's right picture.  When I was student teaching, my supervisor chewed me out for not using proper English terms for photographs and pictures. 

    http://www.czbrats.com/Photos/stevens.jpg

    I said the above was a picture.  He said no that it was a photograph.  Photographs are living people and real things.  Pictures contain no "real" objects.  He was quite anal about this and ranted for a good half hour.  So I don't feel so bad sharing a nude picture of myself

    Yes, it's a disturbing picture but to borrow a line from the Blood Hound Gang "I'm hung like planet Pluto, hard to see with the naked eye."

    Well I hope you have enjoyed this little look into my madness.

  • Motivation

    Fun times...not what I've been having on Xanga lately.  All this talk about racism is getting ugly.  I wish people would burn their copies of Mein Kampf and just get on with life.  We are all prejudiced.  Yes, I am prejudiced against walls.  I prefer to walk through doorways instead of walking through walls.  There, I am such a bigot.  The wall industry is now going to hate me and my pro-door ways.

    I realized I live in a small town this weekend.  I knew before but it became so obvious and no, I didn't look at the population sign.  It has remained steady at 1,302.  I am up at 2:30 on Saturday morning/Friday night.  I walk out to my kitchen to close the windows.  Then I heard it...MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...WTF?  A cow?  Yes, there was a cow on the loose.  See my town had a huge Labor Day fest and someone stopped at the gas station near my place and some how the cow got out of the trailer.  Well it was walking around the library.  The police came and were trying to herd it back to the Kwik Trip.  It was funny and depressing at the same time.

    Speaking of the Labor Day festival...I was in the parade.  It was swell.  Waving to all the slack-jawed yokels who were asking "Why ain't ya throwin' candy?"  I rolled up the window and put on my mp3 player.  After the parade I went to a church and drank beer.  Ain't nuthin' in this world as enjoyable as drinkin' beer and eatin' brats at a church.  I left after I shotgunned a few beers because I just didn't fit in.  I feel that more and more.  It was a family type gathering and I have no family.  It has been weighing on me.  For some reason the biological clock turned on but it doesn't want kids, it wants companionship.  Guh...I thought she was going to make a good companion but she left me and didn't even tell me she was leaving.  She didn't like this small town.  Oh well.  She's better off. 

    Time for motivation:






    Well I am now motivated.  I will get off my ass and write tomorrow.  I have two posts coming.  One is the next in my girl series.  It should be fun.  I am still pondering as to whether or not I should tag all my female readers.  I also took some measurements of my body and will be doing an about me post as well.  I feel like I don't divulge too much of who I am and what makes me tick.  Also in connection with that post, I have to ready the nude pics.

    Oh and I am officially declaring myself Dictator of Xanga.  If you don't like that, block me and go to WordPress.

    It's such a good feeling to know you're alive.
    It's such a happy feeling: You're growing inside.
    And when you wake up ready to say,
    "I think I'll make a snappy new day."
    It's such a good feeling, a very good feeling,
    The feeling you know that we're friends.

  • Freaks and Geeks- Looks and Books (episode 11)

    Previously on Freaks and Geeks: Pilot, Beers and Weirs, Tricks and Treats, Kim Kelly is My Friend, Tests and Breasts, I'm with the Band, Carded and Discarded, Girlfriends and Boyfriends, We've Got Spirit, The Diary.


    This episode was directed by Ken Kwapis and written by Paul Feig.

    Plot Summary: A car accident results in Lindsay deciding to stop hanging out with her "freak" friends. She decides to rejoin the mathletes and start hanging out with Millie again. Sam adopts a new modern hair style in the hopes of impressing Cindy. When this fails, he seeks out a new wardrobe.

    I think this episode best captures the heart of how hard it is to be a teenager in regards to the groups they assimilate with.  Lindsay has been trying so hard to be accepted into the "freak" clique and then in one fail swoop she leaves her new-found friends behind.  Then she goes back to her first friends and they are so welcoming.  Then Lindsay competes with the mathletes and realizes who her true friends are because she failed at being someone she's not.

    I related to the Sam storyline.  He wanted to impress Cindy but he didn't think his hair or wardrobe was cool enough.  He tries to be someone he's not.  How often has that happened to you?  I know it has for me.  I do love Sam's Parisian night suit.  And I felt so bad that the teacher had to intervene.  "Now, Sam wearing something different to wear his individuality makes him a 'homo,' then I guess we should all be proud to be 'homos'!"

    Sam also has a strange encounter with Mr. Rosso, who relates a tale of visiting a honkytonk bar in the South and being humiliated by a group of rednecks.  It is implied that something else happened such as Rosso being beaten or even worse but I'll let you watch and be the judge.  Despite being so creepy Rosso does impart some great wisdom to Sam: "If I say I'm the coolest guy in the world, and I believe I'm the coolest guy in the world, then suddenly, I become the coolest guy in the world."  So by that logic, I am the greatest blogger on Xanga.

    This show was so damn good.  I wish more people could see it because it is so brilliant and there is always something in each episode with which you can relate.

    Things to Watch For: Remember the episode "We've Got Spirit"?  The freaks were cheering against Lincoln in that episode and Lindsay's competition is against Lincoln.  I have often felt that they weren't just cheering for Lindsay but for their hatred of Lincoln.

    This episode makes mention that Ken has a lot of money and that his plan is to wait until his dad dies so he can inherit the money.  In a way, Ken is slumming just like Lindsay.  Also in the same scene Nick says what his life goals are and they are quite a laugh.

    There is a lot of Harris in this episode.  I love his character.  He counsels Daniel and reassures Sam about his hair and he also tells Gordon that he shouldn't be worried about being big because: "Besides, the world loves jolly fat guys. Burl Ives, Jackie Gleason, Raymond Burr..."

    Joel Hodgson makes another guest appearance as the salesman at the clothing store.  I totally miss MST3K.

    Music: "I'm the Man" and "Look Sharp" by Joe Jackson; "Slip Kid" by The Who; "Stomp!" by the Brothers Johnson; "Flamethrower" by the J.Geils Band; "Take the Long Way Home" by Supertramp

    Trivia:
    The year in the show is 1980, the first graphing calculator was made in 1985 by Casio. Yet some of the mathlete students are heard commenting about Texas Instruments and passing around a graphing calculator. Texas Instruments didn't start mass-producing graphing calculators until 1990.

    Lindsay seems to get all the blame for the car accident, but it wasn't actually her fault. Vehicles backing out of a driveway are required to yield to all traffic driving by. Therefore the car backing up was actually at fault but I think Michigan has no fault insurance.

    Quotes:
    Neal: Oh my god! I guess Elvis hasn't left the building.

    Bill: It's a Parisian night suit in case you didn't know.
    Gordon: A Parisian! Ooh la la!
    Neal: It's not a Parisian. It's a jumpsuit. My grandfather in Florida wears them all the time because he's too lazy to put on pants.

    Kowchevski: Ladies, this is just for tomorrow's scrimmage. This isn't the last chopper out of Saigon. Can we please just crank down the drama a notch?

    Here's the episode.  Enjoy!

  • Monday Morning Mash-Up Madness

    I will just get into the mash-ups because I have some other stuff to talk about.

    This one takes a Lil Wayne song and mashes it up with some Van Halen.  Honestly, I don't listen to enough Lil Wayne to know what the song is called but I like the Van Halen part.

    This mash-up has been pretty famous.  It is called Boulevard of Broken Songs and contains elements of Green Day mashed with Oasis.  I think the Green Day song is Boulevard of Broken Souls or something like that and the Oasis song is Wonderwall.  I normally wouldn't consider this one a mash-up but since Oasis broke up for the 537th time, I had to include.  Why isn't it a mash-up?  Well the Green Day album, American Idiot, is basically a mash-up itself.  You can spot elements of so many songs in their "rock opera".  There is one song on there that is "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash.

    I enjoy this one.  It is a song by Christiana Millian called "Tell Me" (not 100% sure) and is mashed-up with Papa Roach's "Last Resort".  "Last Resort" has received numerous mashing treatments.

    OK my other segment:
    In June of 1876, General George Armstrong Custer was ordered move the Sioux indians to their reservations.  A new piece of technology was available it was called the Gatling Gun.  Custer refused to use the new technology because it would hamper his mobility and delay his march and besides that he as ordered to take a "small Sioux village".  Custer took 250 doomed members of the 7th Calvary to the banks of the Little Bighorn River where they met a massive resistance.  Custer and his troops became human pin-cushions for the Sioux's arrows.  It makes you wonder what was going through Custer's mind as the arrows flew by and he saw all of his troops dead..."Damn, I sure could use a Gatling right about now."  So Custer didn't follow one of the greatest rules in military tactics: if a new weapon is available, use it.  That being, there is a new technology that has sky-rocketed and I have become a part of that community.  Yes, I broke down, not giving into my inner vanity like Custer, and created a Twitter account.  Yes, I created it after reading about the NBA players that were ordered to shut down their sites because they were promoting gang messages.  Yes, I created it after reading about Michael Beasley and how he posted suicidal notes.  Yes, I created after reading how many children are fans of porn stars.  Twitter is a great piece of technology and it can help me fight the battle of....um...well...I guess as Ben Folds so eloquently put it...the battle of who could care less.  I probably will not be mobile posting but just random stuff like I do here on Xanga with the pulse.  If you have Twitter, let me know and we can talk about Xanga and asundry of other topics...maybe more of my thoughts on General Custer.  And because I am in a Paul Harvey mood...Now you know the rest of the story...when there really wasn't a story here.

  • Celebrity Round Up 9/4

    Blah blah blah blah blah...time for the round up.  May contain images not safe for work or life.

    They are making a Teen Wolf movie remake.  They are already remaking Heathers so why not butcher this one as well.  One of the reasons why they have decided to go ahead and give Teen Wolf the remake treatment is because of the Twilight craze.  I predict it will be a furry and steaming pile of shit.

    Stacy Haiduk has won the best accessory at an award show award.  That is a stuffed cat purse and the cat is used on her show, The Young and the Restless.  Apparently her character was very attached to that cat and believes it talks to her.  Either way it is creepy and I hope this doesn't become a trend.

    A Smurfs Movie?  This could only be good like 20 years ago.  I look at the poster and I have no clue what the plot will be but from the tagline I have a guess.  Cubano Smurf is expelled from a prison in Cuba only to be imprisoned in a refuge camp before he can enter Smurf Village.  Then he escapes the refuge camp and through a series of jobs in the underworld becomes the drug king of Smurf Village.

    This is Shelly Duval.  Do you remember her?  She was Olive Oyl in the live action Popeye movie.  OK nobody saw that movie.  She is probably best known for her role in The Shining.  Well one of the reasons why we haven't seen much of her since 2002 is because people are saying that she has gone into the deep end.  Her neighbors are claiming that she will patrol her backyard at night because she is convinced that somewhere there is a portal that aliens use to come to earth on her property.  Another neighbor says that Shelly will park her car in her driveway and flash the lights on and off thinking that she is communicating with aliens.  A hardware store owner said this, "She mutters to herself and talks about aliens living in her body. One time she came in and asked for dirt and boards to block up a hole in her backyard because, she said, 'That's a portal into another dimension. That's where the aliens are coming in.'"  You know when I watch The Shining, it messes with me so I can only expect that starring in that movie messed with her.

    Filming began on the new Sex and the City movie this week.  I find it funny that they cast all the same people because of how they aged and this movie is rumored to take place before they all became friends so it is set 20 years ago.  When filming began it was also rumored that the reason why Sarah Jessica Parker was there was because they were filming a movie about the life of race-horse Barbaro but Sarah Jessica Parker dispelled the rumors by saying, "NEEEEEIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!"

    Rihanna appeared topless in Italian Vogue magazine.  Take that Chris Brown with your stupid bowtie and comparing your relationship to Romeo and Juliet.

    Lock up all the pet stores that sell gerbils, Richard Gere is celebrating this week.  He turned 60.  You know, I never quite figured how that rumor started.  I figure it was some boys at a recess who were jealous that all the girls found him so attractive and were ignoring them.  In my day we started a rumor that the youngest member of New Kids on the Block had to be taken to the hospital and have his stomach pumped because he ingested too much semen.  Ah...us boys, we can be a cruel lot when girls ignore us.

    Phil Spector has been complaining about prison conditions.  He was transferred out of the California Substance Abuse prison because he feared the inmates would kill him.  Then he was set to go to California's Valley State but he read that 14 inmates died of an illness in that prison the previous year so he refused the transfer.  He also doesn't want to go to any of the other California prisons because he fears for his life.  Well, Phil, that is what you get for fucking up the Beatles.

    Oasis is pretty much over.  I really enjoyed this band.  Noel walked out before a show and people are saying the reason he walked out on the show and the band is that he got into a fistfight with his brother Liam after Liam smashed one of Noel's guitars.  Liam had no comment and if the picture is correct very little brain function.  So much for saying you were bigger than The Beatles.

    Michael Jackson was finally buried 72 days after his death.  Why was there such a wait?  So it could be filmed of course.  Michael's brothers are filming a reality series for A&E.  Then the other thing with his burial was that no one wanted to pay for it.  Finally a judge had to step in and say that the estate will pay for Michael's burial.  Family members are already saying that this won't be Michael's final resting place.  I know what they could do.  They should set up a mausoleum like Vladimir Lenin and this way fans can pay to see Michael's body.

    Due to VH-1 canceling Megan Hauserman's show, they are currently looking at creating a new series for her.  It won't be a dating show, that much they know.  People have leaked that Ryan Jenkins won her show and that he also won I Love Money 3 which won't air.  Much like cockroaches, you can't get rid of reality whores like Megan.

    Madonna had her daughter Lourdes dress up in the outfits that Madonna wore in her music videos.  Also Lourdes has been showing up on stage and performing with Madonna.  One of the songs they sing together is "Like a Virgin".  Who needs school or friends?  Did I mention that Lourdes is only 12?

    One of the creepiest rumors of the week was one that said that Macaulay Culkin is the father of Michael Jackson's youngest son, Blanket.  The story said that Michael loved Macaulay and he was one of the few people in the world that Michael trusted so MJ asked for his sperm.  Culkin said that the rumor was preposterous.  I think that Linus Van Pelt is the father of Blanket...I wonder if anyone will get that without having to check the Google.

    Lindsay Lohan has been offered $900,000 to pose in Playboy.  Man, this recession is pretty bad especially with inflation since the last offer she had was for $500,000 and consider what she has been through...yikes, that magazine must be desperate.  Honestly I don't think it's worth it since she already doesn't leave much to the imagination.

    There is an evil rumor floating around the Internet that says that Kim Kardashian uses spray on tan.  I WILL NOT BELIEVE IT!  She is too classy for that.

    A story about Kevin Smith that made me question his coolness surfaced this week.  After they wrapped up filming on the 1999 movie Dogma, Kevin Smith and Alanis Morrissette were walking in Los Angeles.  A tough looking guy approached them at a fast pace and Kevin thought they were going to be attacked.  So he does the chivalrous thing and pushes Alanis behind him so the guy can't attack her?  No he pushed her toward the guy and started to run away.  The guy wasn't an attacker but a fan.  Kevin Smith ditched God...well she played God in his movie.  Oh well, he'll be cool again once I get some PBR and pizza in me and I watch his movie all in a row...all except Jersey Girl, that movie depresses me.

    In Kevin Federline news...I finally get why he's called K-Fed.  He's been fed by everyone.  In other news it looks like I have found my long lost brother.

    Tattoo artist, Kat Von D, tattooed a tribute of DJ AM on the arm of DJ Fashen.  I think that is a nice gesture but it is pretty ugly since the tattoo is supposed to look like DJ AM but looks more like Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs.

    Jon Gosslein has started a new career.  He is hosting pool parties in Las Vegas.  His first host job had 2000 people show up, mostly girls in bikinis.  The few guys that showed up started heckling Jon about his bald spot, the hair plugs that TLC paid for, and his lack of pecs.  I think they were just jealous that they didn't receive 8 Father's Day cards this year.

    Speaking of Jon and Kate...it was only a matter of time before the adult movie industry made a parody movie.  This I will consider watching just as long as the real people aren't involved.

    This is Amber Rose, she is Kanye West's girlfriend.  She, much like Jon Gosslein, makes money hosting pool parties.  See there had been much mystery as to what she did and she finally revealed that she hosted pool parties.  It must not pay well.  She can't even afford decent contact lenses.

    Last week I mentioned the fight that Joe Francis was involved in with Brody Jenner and his girlfriend Jayde.  Well Joe denies punching Jayde and says he would never hit a woman.  No, he would just feed them alcohol and make them good and drunk so that they would take their shirts off for his cameras.  Joe went on to say that Brody Jenner has the smallest penis in Hollywood.   Joe, how do you know?  You know what else is funny about Joe saying Brody has the smallest penis in Hollywood?  The biggest dickhead in Hollywood made the claim.

    Jessica Simpson did a fashion show this week.  I was sort of sad when I saw this photo because it looks like gravity has exacted its revenge upon Jessica.

    I like coffee and muffins as much as the next person but I think Jennifer Garner is going to extremes or maybe I'm not eating right.  Hmmm....no ex has ever accused me of that...it was either that joke or something quoting When Harry Met Sally, you know, "I'll have what she's having."

    Speaking of coffee and muffins, I'm happy to report that it appears as if Courtney Love is eating once again.   I am happy she is on the right track but why does it look like she is a puppy who is lost?

    Bradley Cooper has signed on to play Templeton "Face" Peck in the big screen A-Team movie.  Liam Neeson has signed on to play Hannibal Smith and Jim Carrey is rumored to be in negations to play Murdock since the Three Stooges movie fell apart.  You know what, I am anxious for this movie.


    Avril Lavigne is set to take a guest job chair on American Idol this season.  Other people rumored to be guest judges: Shania Twain, Mary J. Blige, Joe Jonas, and Katy Perry.  They are really getting desperate.  Also, I find it strange that in order to be a judge in a talent contest, you need no talent as is the case with Avril.

    Playboy is no longer calling Adrianne Curry so she recently postd these photos on Twatter...typo stays.  I am so in love with her after seeing the second photo.  Too bad she is married to Peter Brady.  I probably could kick his ass.  All I would have to do is introduce cousin Oliver to their marriage and it is all downhill from there.  God I am a huge nerd...that is so depressing.

    Britney Spears keeps looking better and better.  I guess the key to her success has been not dating losers and having her dad run her life by not letting her near any hair clippers.  Britney and her family spent the better part of 8 hours near a pool and all the kids came home alive.  The God for childproof cages.

    Video Section:
    Have you ever wondered what happened to Kid-N-Play?  No, me either but after seeing this...oh how the mighty have fallen.  Oh well it is a paycheck.

    I hope everyone has a releaxing weekend.

  • It's late so here are gratuitous pussy photos.

    This is Lua.  She is very territorial.

    This is Kiki.  She took one sniff of my shoe and collapsed.

    I often wonder about Lua.  She really likes boxes.

    Kiki loves to read and here we see her sitting on her favorite novel.

    NEW AND USED BOAT LIQUIDATION!  SCORE!  If you notice, I had to put the shoe next to the tv to fill in the area in my entertainment center.  Otherwise the cats crawl behind there and chew on wires and I lose my cable.  Maybe they are trying to get me to not watch TV.

    She isn't amused with this post much like the readers expecting vaginas.

    This was when Kiki was living in Minnesota.  She was quite the drinker and loved the boxes.

    See, she loves drinking.  Oh and that is one of my deer.

    Aw...back when Lua loved to read.

    They are are litter mates or sisters, if you will, so they have to have the occasional sign of affection.  I bet you are wondering why is there a cup filled with water sitting on the floor in front of my cats.

    They drink out of it.  Yes, they refuse to drink out of a bowl and whenever I had a glass of water while watching tv or writing they would stick their head in to have a drink and usually spill.  They don't spill this cup.  It is just the strangest thing.

    I often wonder what they dream about.  Yes, Kiki fell asleep with her mouth hanging open one evening.

    This is a stray in my neighborhood.  I took the photo on October 15th, the birthday of my goddaughter.  We call this cat Groucho because of the funny looking spots above his eyes.  Here he is sleeping on my blazer.

    He's a decent cat even though he sleeps on my truck and has clawed holes into one of my screens.

    I posted this photo a long time ago and it wound up on LOLcatz.  It said "I CANZ CHANG YOUR LIGHTBULBZ".  Kiki is a strange cat.

    Somehow they get out of their collars and wind up on my gun cabinet.

    They love my computer.   The wallpaper was the cat I had for 18 years.

    They love sleeping on my piano.

    I have discovered why some mornigns I would wake up and find food on the floor of my kitchen and also certain items such as crackers and graham crackers missing.

    Awwwwwww

    While Lua contemplates a higher power in the universe, I'm off to bed.  Oh the reason she is praying...I had her ordained as a minister in the Universal Life Church.  Kiki also holds ministerial credentials.

  • Randomocity

    I really need to bring back my tournament of randomocity but this time I will do all bands instead of random things.  I just need to find the time.

    I saw an ex-girlfriend tonight.  I broke up with her because she wanted me to make a commitment.  She was walking by with her husband and two kids.  Man, some women just don't know when to stop playing hard to get.  I'M NOT INTERESTED!

    Those Burger King tiny hands commercials are bringing back childhood memories.  My grandfather once imparted some wisdom before he died.  He told me that I should find a woman with tiny hands.  I asked why and he said that because her tiny hands would make my dick look big when she held it.  I was 9 years old.  This was the same grandfather who coerced me into drinking a beer at age 3 by saying that it was a fancy new soda pop called Old Style.  I got drunk and fell down some stairs.  He laughed at me and called me a lightweight.  He also made me chew tobacco when we went fishing because he said the tobacco juice would make the fish bite better.  It did but they were biting at the food that I threw up into the lake.  I miss that guy, he's what you would call a "character".

    Can I take your wife, please?

    I am opening a ladies only massage parlor...too bad I don't have a massage license.

    Good news everyone...I'm not pregnant.

    Sometimes I feel like a five syllable word in a monosyllabic world.

    I wonder if George Costanza could win America's Next Top Hand Model.

    Chicken and Cat were sitting on the river bank when cat fell in and made chicken laugh. moral of the story: where there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock.

    Women have magic powers they can get wet without water, bleed without injury, make boneless things hard, and make men eat without cooking.

    I...love...ellipsis...marks!

    I sound like Larry King so...Picture Time!

    I wonder what cup she has.  Oh yeah, a tea cup.

    So what exactly do they warm?

    I can't think of a funny comment other than I think I should start following his Twitter.

    I want the Dan Band to sing this flowchart.

    This is why I avoid exercise.

    I don't know if I ever told you this but teaching is hard.

    I have thought about taking a teaching job in Japan but they have a strange curriculum.

    There is this old saying that I despise: "Once you go quack, you never go back."

    Here's a photo from a recent VH-1 casting call -or- Bristol Palin never quite figured out how to use a condom.  Thank you abstinence only sex-ed!

    I don't mind when ladies send me seductive photos but there is something amiss here.  I feel so guilty looking.

    I can't believe how retired that girl is.  You have to enlarge to enjoy.

    Save us, Obama wan Kenobi.  You're our only hope!

    I leave you with Yahoo Answers and Cloud Cult



  • Motivation

    The GodfatherofGreenBay blogs in front of a live studio audience.

    I hate Xanga.  I really do.  Two times in the past week, I have lost posts.  I had a great build up for my motivational posters.  It was about how I am thinking of canceling my Facebook account.  Let's see if I can remember.

    I'm thinking of canceling my Facebook account because of my students and the emails they send me.

    "Hey Mr. Kotter, (my teaching alter ego plus he is currently a poker player, a shitty one at that) there's this girl I really like.  How should I go about finding if she wants to have sex with me?"
    Hmmm...ask?
    "Hey Mr. Kotter, my boyfriend and I were being intimate and he tore the condom.  What should I do?"
    Hmmm...pray to your God?  Consult a doctor?  Talk to your parents?
    "Hey Mr. Kotter, do you want to see the sonogram of my baby?"
    No
    "Hey Mr. Kotter, should my personal investments match my career investment goals and what would you invest in since you made some great stock moves?"
    Yes and kosher pickles.
    "Hey Mr. Kotter, I'm married and I have 2 kids and 1 more is on the way.  What have you done with your life?"
    Well I have a pretty kick-ass Xanga blog and I made it to a new level on Mafia Wars.

    I don't know why I feel so bitter.  I should be joyed that my former students feel close enough to me to share their problems but there should be limits.  Could it be that I am jealous?  Probably.  So waht am I jealous of?  The amount of sexuality these kids (ok 20-22 year olds) display in their messages and on their profiles?  It could be.  Maybe I just feel old.  God, I am craving Werther's Originals and my TV is tuned to Matlock.  I need to feel young.  But how does one go about feeling young?  Drinking Pepsi?  Smoking...but then if I did smoke I would be frugal and use coupons that the people from Camel send me even though I never smoke their product?  Wearing t-shirts that have excessive amounts of glitter?  Listening to bad music?  Throwing my hands in the air and waving them like I just don't care?  I have been praying that Chicago is selected to host the Olympics in 2016 and that the world survives the 2012 catastrophe so I can cause an international incident.  All I can say is that the teams represnting Poland, Slovakia, and the Czech Republic better appease me.
    Lately this seems to be my theme song.

    Well here is the motivation I need to make me feel young. 






    I am feeling motivated.  I got me a bottle of Old Whiskey River and a whole lot of time on my hands.  I wonder how many of my former students can even buy quality booze.  Ha!

    Oh and I have finished writing the second installment of my girl series.  I am wondering if I should tag all my female friends.

    The GodfatherofGreenBay has blogged in front of a live studio audience.