It's that time of the week again and yours truly and his cock are ready to dispense answers to your questions.  I am glad to be back with my cock after his bout with fatigue. 

Me: Hey, Cocky, how are you doing?
Cocky:  I am full of vim and vigor.
Me: I've noticed you have been quite active as of late.  Is that because of our sponsor's gifts?
Cocky:  No, I raided your nightstand and took a few of those pills from the bottle labeled pick me ups.
Me: Well did you leave any?
Cocky:  Actually I was hoping you would get me some more.
Me: Hmmmm not like I actually need them.
Cocky:  Yeah your bed has been quite bare as of late.
Me: Yes, I guess I haven't had a lot going on because I have so much weighing on my mind.
Cocky:  May as well go to the doctor to have your nads removed now.
Me: It's time to hear from our sponsor.

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Me: Cocky, are you ready?
Cocky: Yeah, I'm cocked, locked, and ready to unload my knowledge amongst other things.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I am a middle-aged woman who enjoys her B.O.B.! How often do you think is too often? And, as a cock, are you offended by my behavior?
                                          Carolyn in Cashton

Me: I have often been under the assumption that there can never be too much of something but I think if you are changing batteries on a daily basis then maybe you need to put it down
Cocky: Yeah and grab me.  I love being mouth hugged.
Me: Cocky...what do you mean...hugged?
Cocky: Hugged with a mouth but seriously in this economy we have to scrimp and save and if your battery operated boyfriend is going through more batteries then you can afford you better hang it up.  When I was in my state of not being able to get up in the morning, the henhouse had an extremely large number of cucumbers and carrots sitting outside.  And if you have any enemies, make them a salad.  By the way, I take no offense as long as I get some mouth hugs.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I am trying to get into a new style of food and I am currently viewing Mexican cuisine as what I want to cook.  How can I make a killer burrito and look hot while doing it?
                                         Chef in Shelby

Me: I usually like my burritos with black beans and cilantro as well as hot sauce and sour cream.  I need some dairy because I am from the Dairy State.  And to look hot, you can never go wrong with lingerie.
Cocky:  As long as you don't make them with chicken then that is hot to me.  Habeneros would make them muy caliente!  To make it a complete meal you should wear edible underwear.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
My job sent me half way around the world to help establish new branches and coordinate with our home company.  I am going nuts missing my wife and kids.  How do I stay sane and not get drunk?
                                         Longing in Lomira

Me:  Well I think the first thing you should do is start a Xanga and write.  Writing is therapeutic and you could also encourage your wife to set up an account so she could share photos.  And if you don't want to go that route set up fake accounts so you can post more intimate photos.  Maybe that is what the protected posts could get you?  Just make sure you keep your mind busy because there is nothing more dangerous than not having your mind focused on the task at hand.  Keep your wits about you, it makes seeing them when you do that much sweeter!
Cocky:  Well well well...if you ever find yourself in Phuket, Thailand look for a place called Uncle Jimmy's Palace of Phuk.  There ask for the masseuse named Ling Ling.  She will most definetly get your mind off the old ball and chain.  If I speak from experience then you know she's a freak.  Just make sure you get your valtrex prescription filled before you visit.  If you want an extra special session ask about her enjoyment of the Cajun Hot Stick or a Flag Pole or Mongolian Peppermill or Turkish Toothbrush

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
Have you read George Orwell's Animal Farm, and, given that you're obviously the brains of this operation, has it ever given you pause for thought or inspiration?
                                        Reader in Readstown

Me: No, not really.  I gave up on the book when I had fifth graders who had read the book because they saw a cartoon and thought talking animals were cool....do you get the irony here?
Cocky: I dig Animal Farm. It's kinda like my bible. I think the ending is best and even parallels what goes on today. I mean seriously, can you tell the difference between Limbaugh and a pig?  Didn't think so.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
What movies are you two anxious to see?  I bet the bleeding heart, limp wristed liberal Godfather is all about slathering on Michael Moore's nuts for his movie Capitalism.
                                         Movie Goer in Mondovi

Me: Well thank you for calling me that.  I appreciate when readers take time to mock me.  Bravo!  Not only did you get my political thoughts wrong but you also managed to offend a group of readers.
Cocky:  Answer the damn question, Olberman!
Me: *sigh*  actually I am somewhat interested in the Michael Moore movie because of his interviews with Christian leaders who state that the American tradition of capitalism is against Biblical teachings.  The movie I want to see most comes out October 16th and that is Where the Wild Things Are.  What about you, Beck?
Cocky:  OOOOOOHHHHHH GLEN BECK YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!
Me: Just be thankful you aren't a frog or I would do my impersonation of Glen Beck right now.
Cocky: Touché...I guess the movie I am most anxious for is Jon and Kate Fuck 8

Disclaimer: I plan on timestamping this.  I am warning you ahead so if you are a challenged Xangan and don't understand the mysticism behind the dreaded timestamp, DO NOT BEGIN TO BELIEVE THAT I AM HARASSING YOU!  I just want all people to enjoy the wisdom I dispense with my cock. (I want to name the disclaimer after the Xangan that accused me of harassment after I timestamped one of the first)

If you have a question for Cocky and myself, drop me an email here or send one to Cocky's email: advicewithcocky at gmail.com  SEND QUESTIONS PLEASE!