I hate being stuck inside.  I am going crazy.   Ugh...two more days!  Here's the round up.  Some images may not be safe for work or for life.  NSFW or NSFL

This week Zac Braff posted a video on facebook to announce that he is in fact alive.  Apparently a rumor was spreading that he had committed suicide.  You know, Zac may not be dead but his career is.

Because I care for my female readers...Usher turned 31 this week.  I have no jokes, I just want you ladies to have eye candy because I am not posting photos of myself on here then I guess you just have to settle for this guy.  Six pack abs...HA!  My keg is bigger!

Tilda Swinton, who has been seen in movies such as Chronicles of Narnia and Burn After Reading, has been leading a campaign against Donald Trump's attempt to build a golf resort in Scotland.  Tilda also has been vocal in the cause to get Roman Polanski freed.  So let me get this straight; golf is bad and anal rape of a minor is good?  Donald hasn't made a comment about Tilda's intervention because he is waiting for one of the TV gossip shows such as The Insider to show up and ask him what he thinks.

Let's sing it together...How much is that Suri in the window, the one with the tasty cupcake...The more I look at the photo the more I think she is begging a stranger to help her escape the clutches of Xenu and Tom Cruise.

I had to post this photo because how often do you see a three year old wearing heels.  It was also announced that Suri would be enrolled in a Catholic preschool in Boston while Katie works on a movie.  I need to find a priest and ask what the church's stance is about alien overlords named Xenu.  Also I wonder if the Catholic church is in fellowship with L. Ron Hubbard.  Oh I could go into dogma and doctrines and papal decrees but I will save that for October 31st.

Spencer Pratt posted this photo on his Twitter...no I don't follow him.  This is what 3000 issues of Playboy look like.  He bought 3000 issues of the magazine in which his wife posed nude.  Now the question: is he planning on giving those out for Christmas presents or is that issue going to be their new business card?

In the most shocking news of the decade, a sex tape featuring former Playboy model Shauna Sand is set to be released.  OK so I guess it isn't that shocking.  I mean every time I see photos of her she is either making out with some random dude or half-naked and sometimes both.  I think I was initially shocked because she isn't the person releasing it.  I guess this was only a matter of time.  Oh and another funny thing about this tape; it was professionally shot.  Shauna hired a professional camera and lighting crew to film her and her boyfriend have sex.  I think I am going to put in ad in my paper saying that I will film couples.  There is a website with a preview in case you are interested...NSFW. 

Last week there was a video making the rounds showing Seth Green, of Idle Hands, Robot Chicken, Austin Powers, and Family Guy, throwing a temper tantrum on the set of one of his TV shows.  It was much, he just tossed a catering buffet and stormed off set.  Then later in the week a video was leaked that was supposed to be a security camera and in the footage it showed Seth being mugged by two masked men.  It turns out that this is all a publicity stunt for a new ad campaign in which Seth is revealed to be the new sponsor of Butterfinger candy bar.  The campaign is titled "Dude, Where's My Bar?"  Homer Simpson was a better spokesperson.  I hope Homer actually mugs Seth Green and takes back his gig, it's not like Homer's TV show is going to last forever.

Ralph Lauren clothing company recently made headlines when they fired model Filippa Hamilton for being too fat.  They claim they had to photoshop her ad because she was way too obese.  So I am guessing what makes a woman hot is if her head is wider than her waist.  I think this will be the future of Ralph Lauren ads and the wave of the future for all modeling agencies...IT'S SO HOT!  By the way that's sarcasm.

Nicolas Cage owes $6million in back taxes to the IRS.  He made $40million in 2008 and is completely broke.  I bet if Nicolas agreed never to make another movie like Bangkok Dangerous or Next or The Wicker Man or Knowing, the IRS would look the other way or clear the slate.  Another tactic he could employ is threatening the IRS with making sequels to the aforementioned movies so that they would erase his debt.

It's nice to see Mel Gibson happy for a change.  Lately every photo of him, he seems to be so grumpy.  Well, who can blame him?  I think most of us would be smiling too if we had our hand in a beaver....OW!  Those beaver jokes write themselves.

Meghan McCain, daughter of Senator John McCain, posted this on her Twitter.  Apparently her Christian and Republican followers didn't care much for the photo because they hurled insults at her.  The most common was that she was a slut.  Meghan thought this was an insult and is considering closing her Twitter account or in the new street lingo: pullin' a Miley.  Hmmm maybe Meghan secretly reads all the Xanga blogs in which people threaten to leave Xanga.  Is she really a slut?  I don't know.  If a girl wants to send me photos like that I can judge the picture in order to deem sluttiness.  Oh...why didn't this happen during the campaign?

People in the Madonna camp are saying that she is giving her 23 year old boyfriend, Jesus, an allowance.  Wait shouldn't that be called an offering...HAHAHA church humor!  She is supposedly giving him $10,000 a month.  I guess that beats the pay on the last job he had, $4 an hour for his newspaper route.  Now my question: Is $10,000 a month worth it to sleep with Madonna?

It's sad to see Lindsay Lohan get pussyblocked.  I can't believe Lindsay said Sam was brilliant.  Obviously that isn't a book smart thing because well look at some of Sam's recent choices.  I can not begin to believe Lindsay is saying her brilliance is her DJing because since when is making a playlist on iTunes brilliant?  Last night I made the best playlist ever in my Windows Media player and you don't see people giving me a Nobel Prize, a Grammy, yes, and a Pulitzer, possibly, but definitely not a Nobel.

I don't give Kim Kardashian much credit.  I usually say she is dumb and dead behind the eyes...thank you, Joel.  The only credit I give her is her ability to maintain such a luscious butt.  You know, Kim does have brains.  She can pump gas and that takes some brain power.

The other day it seems like the world was glued to the TV watching the news about the little boy in the balloon and then today all the news outlets could talk about was the boy in the balloon.  If you want to look at runaway balloons, look at Katie Price.

We haven't played this in sometime but...GUESS THE ASS!  Your clue:  This actress talks to dead people in a dead time-slot for prime-time television.  It's Jennifer Love Hewitt.  She also has nice hair and she seems to be flaunting that volume and shine.

The Jackson 3 will be making an appearance in the Jackson brothers' reality series on A&E.  I find it ironic since Michael went to such extreme lengths to keep his children away from cameras.  I wonder if he is spinning in his grave.  NO!  Michael is going to rise like the zombies in his Thriller video and kick some ass.  Hmmm exploiting children must be a Jackson family tradition.

What is there not to like about Dita Von Teese?  Can you guess the product she is promoting in this photo?

Dennis Rodman left the world of obscurity to walk the runway for a fashion show.  Oh Dennis...remember when you were one of the best defensive players in the NBA?  Remember when you were one of the biggest names in all of sports?  Hmmm you are now walking runways.  I think this is his new line of NBA uniforms.

If you were a kid in the 80s, you would know this guy.  He's Captain Lou Albano and he passed away this week at the age of 76.  Captain Lou was a wrestler in the WWF, Cyndi Lauper's muse of sorts, and the star of the Super Mario Brothers Super Show.  He played Mario.  Captain Lou will be greatly missed.

Here is a photo of Cyndi Lauper.  Is she mourning the death of her muse Captain Lou Albano?  Is she upset that Hot Rod Blagojevich just stole some of her money?  No, that's the look of a contestant on the next installment of Celebrity Apprentice.  Cyndi will be join Sharon Osbourne, Brett Michaels, Curtis Stone, Rod Blagojevich, Maria Kanellis, Holly Robinson-Peete, Darryl Strawberry, Bill Goldberg, Carol Leifer, and Summer Sanders.  I'm going out on a limb here and will predict that Bill Goldberg will win.  Now that isn't a racist comment.  He'll just go into roid rage mode and give everyone his signature pro-wrestling moves.  I'm happy to see Summer Sanders is getting work outside of Nickelodeon.

Oh...Coco...you don't know what you do to me.  She posted these photos to her Twitter.  Like I have said before, Twitter is now where everyone goes for their porn.

Christina Hendriks of Mad Men got married last weekend at a restaurant in New York City.  Oh she looks amazing.  After the priest pronounced them man and wife, her husband gave high fives to all the groomsmen, all the ushers, the guys in the front row, and the priest.  Of course the priest made a slip-up and instead of saying the groom could kiss the bride, he said motorboat.

What a lovely bride!  See kids, this is why they won't let me be a wedding photographer.

You know I've been getting a lot of flack because from my writings it seems as if I don't like big girls.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  I find Beth Ditto beautiful.  She is so comfortable with herself and therein lies her beauty.

Avril Lavigne filed for divorce.  She is already rumored to be attached to a billionaire and those close to her have said that she has had a "thing" for this billionaire for quite some time.  You know why she's had a "thing" for him for quite some time?  HE'S A BILLIONAIRE!  The only bigger turn-on is a guy who is hung like a celebrity gossip blogger.  Now for Avril to secure her future, she'll get pregnant.

Al Pacino told an interviewer this week that when he was 20 he was a prostitute.  He said his clientele was a group of older women and he did it so that he could pay his rent.  Sleeping with someone to keep a roof over your head?  Isn't that the definition of marriage?  WOO-AH!

Amy Winehouse was spotted out on the town the other night.  You will have to excuse the stain on her shirt.  See the night she went out was the first night she used silverware at an upscale eatery instead of her hands.  I guess it can be pretty tricky using utensils when you rarely use a fork and knife.  Oh and the rumor going around is that Amy got implants.  She is said to have gone from a 32B to a 32D.  I can't tell but I can't believe it with her small frame because if they got that big she may tip over.

This is a still shot from the video for Britney Spears' new video 3.  Hmmm...I am very impressed.  I think we finally get to know what the song is about through the video.

Video Section:
Kareem Abdul Jabbar was on a recent edition of Celebrity Jeopardy and he made a fool of himself.  That is an intentional foul.

I hope everyone has a great weekend while I am inside away from the public.  You know I have a feeling being stuck inside has made me funnier.  Oh and J and L, you probably don't want to see this here but HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILY!