I kept saying I was going to post this earlier but I got interested in high school football on the TV and then it was that Rescue Ink show on National Geographic Channel and then well I can't remember what happened. Anyway I was interested in that Rescue Ink show. It was actually sort of sad and that in one of the first episodes they couldn't resolve a story of a dog that disappeared, things like that eat away at me and now I am going to rip into celebrities to make myself feel better. Some images are not safe for work and some may not be safe for life.
For no reason, here's Verne Troyer...OK there is a reason, I just want to give a little something to the ladies. I kill me! Seriously, I'll wait for you to get that "back massager".
Tila Tequila has been posting some suicidal Twitter posts lately. She was saying in one that she is needed in heaven and that she is really sad on earth. She claims the reason she is sad is district attorneys, NFL linebackers, and overweight bloggers. Guess which category I fall under? That's right NFL linebacker. Well...I will make her sadder with these comments: Wow, she's tiny! -or- Here's a photo of something that costs 25 cents for every 15 minutes of use and a parking meter.
Victoria SIlverstedt was recently photographed enjoying herself on the beach. Is she doing what I think she is doing? Increasing the odds of contracting melanoma? Actually I think it is something else because look at her face.
Sylvester Stallone got himself a new tattoo. At first I thought it was Paula Abdul but it turns out that it is a portrait of his wife. I make fun of tattoos mostly because I can't have them but I won't make fun of his. It's really befitting on Stallone because it draws attention away from his face.
Spencer and Heidi Pratt bought two new puppies this week. They named them Dolly and Ninja. Many of you may not know this but I am a dog whisperer/psychic. I can communicate with dogs and those two dogs are telling me that they are already making plans to have coyotes drag them away.
In the best news I have received all decade, there is going to be a sequel to SHOWGIRLS! YES! Sadly none of the original cast will be in the sequel so don't expect to see any more Saved by the Bell boobs. When Showgirls first came out a friend and I joked about how it was just Saved by the Bell and explained what happened to Jessie. She just disappeared and was replaced with a leather jacket wearing girl. Anyway this new Showgirls is going to be set in Frankfurt, Germany where a Vegas stripper goes to seek revenge for her murdered brother...I am so ANXIOUS!
Friday was Sean Lennon's birthday. He turned 34. Friday would have been his father John's birthday as well. He would have been 69. That is so eerie...father and son sharing the same birthday. Sadly I never realized that until today.
R Kelly revealed a shocking secret about himself this week. Sit down for this one. Are you sitting? *long sigh* HE CAN'T READ! He said he was just passed around through the grades and that he barely got out of grade school. R Kelly is the same guy that once said he was the greatest writer. Wow, an illiterate guy claiming he is a great writer...why, that's like Fox News claiming to be fair and balanced. R also likened himself to Martin Luther King Jr. and pissed on an underage girl. EUREKA! I now know why he had sex with an underage girl. He asked to see her i.d. and he couldn't read it. Why didn't his lawyers use that defense?
Some of us with inside information in the Twin Cities know that Prince is Rihanna's father. Wow...they are so identical. I have this weird feeling inside me and the only way I can describe it is this is what it must feel like when doves cry.
Miley Cyrus has done the unthinkable. She quit Twitter. This was one of her last tweets: 'FYI Liam doesn't have a twitter and he wants ME to delete mine with good reason." I bet the good reason was that he didn't want her posting photos like this anymore. Earlier in the day Miley wrote: "I'm the happiest I've ever been & for that my family's SO grateful. So for LAME bloggers that don't know what they're talking about SHUT UP!" Ouch...I am so lame...oh and by the way here's Miley's 100% totally legit Xanga. Then later this week, Miley's mom shut down her Twitter account. Uh-oh...something is afoot at the Circle K. Where is the god of mullets in all of this?
Sisters dress alike and act alike and make farty duck lip faces alike. That is Miley's younger sister making the constipated strain lips. She's 9 years old. Noah posted this photo of herself and her friends on her Twitter account. I wish Miley would have taken Noah with her. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THAT FAMILY?
Remember last week when I talked about how Playboy was getting desperate by offering Kelly Osbourne a pictorial? Remember how a few weeks ago it was Kate Gosslein? Remember how a few months ago it was Tara Reid(she is going to be in an upcoming issue)? Anyway the November issue of Playboy will feature Marge Simpson, from the animated TV show The Simpsons. This isn't going to be like that Maxim spread she did a few years ago...I can't believe I wrote that and will write this...Marge plans on going all the way nude for Playboy. So many questions pop into my mind. Well one actually, does the carpet match the drapes? Oh and if you are brave, I did a random search of Marge Simpson porn and this was the first site...NSFL(not safe for life)
Lindsay Lohan's father was talking about her new addiction. No it isn't Star Trek eye wear...that deserves many props. He claims that she is addicted to prescription drugs and blames her poor career choices on her addiction. Wow, I just thought she was lazy and couldn't act.
This photo of Lindsay was taken after her fashion show last weekend. YUM! She is making Courtney Love look good about right now.
You know it's been a while since we saw Lily Allen. Here I thought she got a boyfriend and was only exposing her nipples for him. Thank you, Lily! You are just renewed my belief that I may stand a chance.
It was revealed this week that Kevin Federline has done $100,000 damage to a house he has been renting since May. Here's a rundown of some of the damage: gutters full of cigarette butts and empty beer bottles, broken beer dispenser on the barbecue island, permanent spit marks on exterior paint, broken light covers, bent light posts, broken tiles, dead trees and plants due to failure to water, drawings all over the walls, room that was turned into a studio (without the owners' permission), broken dishwasher ... with broken baskets, dismantled smoke detectors, front driveway oil-leak damage, master bathroom windows tinted (without owners' permission), and missing garage door opener. First off, that sounds exactly like some of my former neighbors. How is K-Fed going to pay for all those damages? The easiest way would be to give up fast food for a month but that might send the fast food economy into a tailspin. Well it looks like he will just have to knock up another rich chick to get paid.
I swear Katy Perry snuck into my house this week and stole my sheets off my bed...I mean my childhood sheets that I have stored away in my dresser. Oh well it looks better as a dress on her than on my bed. I'm an adult now which means I need newer sheets. I guess that means this weekend I am going to get me some Transformers or G.I. Joe sheets.
Kate Moss posed topless for another magazine. Blah blah blah blah...yawn...you know who the only people on this planet that haven't seen her topless are? THE AMISH!
Heidi Klum gave birth to a baby girl this week. Heidi named HER Lou Samuel. Old man names for little girls must be the new Hollywood trend. I guess that means if I ever have a daughter her name will be something like Emil Clarence or if I go with a common old man name around here Adolph Harold.
Frances Bean(left) the 17 year old daughter of Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain wrote an open letter to 15 year old Ali Lohan(right...yes she's 15). For your reading pleasure: This is my open letter to Ali Lohan. Your not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name. Your idea of fame isn't fame. It's infamy. You want to be famous? Work your ass off and make decisions that could potentially catapult your career into a lasting one. Notariety for who you are and notaritey for the work you produce are two completely differnt things. I understand that you have been brought up in an envirtoment where the idea of fame is easily achievable but, that's not an excuse. You lack the talent, social understanding and credibility to be anything other then infamous. Your careere choices, thus far, will transcend a future career as someone who attempted to be famous, but never quite achieved it. And if you do, it will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you plumit into the murky abyss shared with the likes of Spencer Pratt & Jon Gosslin who, i'm sure, will steal your money whilst there. Fortunately for the world, there are people who have and don't have recognizable names, who have obtained artistic integrity and will one day, hopefully, bring that tangible artisticness into light again. Though, its hard to think thats achievable when people like You ali lohan are rendering the world of true talent by attempting to make your entitled ass noticed. How is this fair to the people who HAVE artistic integrity, or a mind? How is it fair to those who truly have something to offer the human race other then a dwindling last name and a few shitty films, both of which, solidified the idea that your just a celebrities sibling. I recognize that i might come across as harsh and no, i don't personally know you, but its the actions that you take, that speak for you. You blatently don't care how your recognized, its the objective to get famous and that is what makes you replaceable and a recycled idea .Well, im ashamed to have to be grouped into the same category of person as you. I would rather die a most painful death the be assoicated with the kind of careere your trying to make for your self. I hope i'm wrong because generally i'm not a very judgmental person, but in the case of you, that is MY entitlement.
I see that Courtney has taught her daughter that spell check is evil. If you read that I hope you don't die of irony poisoning. Oh and I have to say that even though her writing isn't the best Frances seems to be well adjusted for having Kurt and Courtney as parents although Kurt as around that long.
Earlier this week Elizabeth Taylor tweeted that she wanted everyone to pray for her because she was having heart surgery. Well I guess her Twitter prayer request worked because Elizabeth tweeted again that the surgery was a success. Is there nothing that Twitter can't do?
So there is this show on NBC called The Office and last night there was a cameo by one of the biggest stars in the world...the three wolves t-shirt. Dwight wore it and when I saw it I felt the madness. Now I bet you are all wishing you read my old lukewarm links entries.
Coco posted some photos on Twitter this week. Now who says that Twitter is worthless?
Coco also took time out of her hectic schedule of being a trophy wife and being all hot to pose with another rapper's girlfriend Amber Rose. You know rappers' arm candy has got to stick together. Oh man...I need to have some private time...it's been a busy week.
Christina Aguilera showed off her new Halloween costume this week. Bet you can't guess what it is. OK, I'll let you know...she's going as a hooker with bills that are due.
Earlier this week, the FBI released documents saying that they investigated Anna Nicole Smith in a plot against her former husband. Someone wanted him dead so that they could collect his money. The FBI said that Anna Nicole wasn't capable of carrying out this plot. Why? Well she didn't have the brain power to pull off a heist of that magnitude.
A new biography about Britney Spears claims that while she was dating Justin Timberlake she had countless pregnancy scares. The biography also claims that when Britney found out she was pregnant with her second child she went out to a bar and chugged 5 cocktails in a possible effort to kill the child.
As fucked up as that may seem, it will never be as fucked up as when Britney looked like this.
Video Section:
Tom Delay was forced out of the Dancing with the Stars competition because of stress fractures in his feet. Come on, this guy was called The Hammer. He may have skirted the law before but he should be locked up for his dancing.
Here's the Wolf Shirt scene from The Office.
I hope everyone has a swinging weekend. We love you, Chevy!
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