I might as well do it too.  No, I'm not going to discuss rape.  This has been that factoid/habit/goal thing that has been floating around Xanga the past few days.  I have been lazy or maybe just busy because my premium ran out.  Oh I had more than enough but I figured out how many credits I needed for my next year of premium and then figured out how many credits that meant per day.  Then I figured how many comments that would take.  I even got out the old white board to draw diagrams.  Actually I didn't but I got really freaking anal about the eprops for premium stuff. 

Oh by the way I have a little over 18,000 credits which means I need 7,000 credits for another year of premium.  So that means I need at least 19 a day.  That is ten comments a day.  All of this does not include the potential for the freebies or the survey things.  God...I really need a girlfriend.

OK so I will be kind and won't tag anyone but if you read this and haven't done this then I expect to see it on your Xanga soon, hot shot.

1.  I wear a size 17 shoe.
2.  I bite my fingernails.  I think this is because I am disgusted by long fingernails on men.  My dad has long fingernails and he doesn't care for them.  They are jagged and look awful.
3.  I went to a prep school my freshman year of high school.  It was near the Mississippi River.  In the spring time, a few friends and I would go to a train bridge and jump into the river.
4.  I have played the piano since I was 11 but I am terrible.  I can barely play three parts.  Sometimes I can play melody with chords
5.  I was in choir for 8 semesters in college
6.  I was a volleyball coach and my career record was 30 wins and 7 losses
7.  Looking at me you would never guess I coached volleyball...I have a bit of a weight problem
8.  Languages come easy to me unless it is a language which is dead and can not be spoken...screw you, Latin
9.  I like to dress up when I go to the casino.
10.  I hate Christmas music mostly because there is a radio station in the area that started playing Christmas music 24/7 the day after Halloween.
11.  I am very insecure
12.  I don't feel like I have accomplished much of anything with my life
13.  I have two cats and they are very strange.  Currently one is in my den with me and is staring at my mounted jackelope
14.  I have a mounted jackelope as well as three deer heads and an elk head
15.  I hunt and have almost lost my life doing so
16.  I have had 5 car accidents and 4 have involved deer
17.  I am addicted to music and movies and I refuse to go to rehab for this problem
18.  There were two times where I almost got married so that two different girls could get their greencards. 
19.  Sometimes the only thing I feel that I have in life is my health problems which over a year after being discovered the doctors have no clue what it is and I will probably get to hear more of that tomorrow.
20.  I am an only child.
21.  I have a fear of birds.  I was divebombed while on vacation as a kid and the bird crapped all over my face.  Also, my aunt and uncle raised parrots and they would attack me.  Birds hate me so I avoid them at all costs.
22.  I can not count the number of weddings that I have been a part of as a groomsman or an usher. 
23.  When I watch poker on the TV, every time I hear an announcer say, "Jack, off suit" I giggle.  I also giggled when I heard an announcer say "He needs a Queen to get a straight"
24.  At that first high school I mentioned earlier, the music professor called me Lucas.  Lucas sat next to me.  The biggest difference between Lucas and myself was that he was African American and for the most part I am Caucasian
25.  For one year at my second high school, I lived in a house that sat on mound less than 20 yards behind the school.  The school owned the house and the principal lived there.  Well he died before the school year started but that isn't important to this fact.  Anyway his keys to the school were still in the house.  The other guys I lived with in the house along with myself took the keys one night and we ran through the school hallways naked.  The only downfall was that there were two teachers working.  We didn't know that when we began.  The next day in English class my teacher asked if I had fun the night before and then she smiled.

There's more than 25 things there but I was in a sharing mood.

I was going to post this last night but time get a better hold on me.  Did anyone watch that WWII in HD on the History Channel?  Great show.  They restored footage of WWII time film and made it HD.  Now if only I had an HD TV to view it.  Oh well it made me have hope that History Channel is going to attempt to show programs of a historical nature instead of non-historical programs about lumberjacks, truck drivers, UFOs, and car racing...wait the car racing program debuts in January. 

This one combines Prodigy's "Smack my Bitch Up" with "Orrinoco Flow" by Enya.  Creepy mix, even creepier is that it works.  I can remember how controversial that Prodigy song was when that album was released.  MTV only showed the video at certain times late at night.  If I remember now the video is very tame compared to today's videos.  I mean sometimes watching the MTV Jams video channel it's like watching Skinemax. 

This bootleg uses "Slave 4 U" by Britney Spears and mixes it with some "Wherever, Whenever" by Shakira and "Staying Alive" by The Beegees.  I actually love this one.  I have a strange fascination with Shakira.  Of course some will say it is because she is "hot".  Well that is partly it but I like her accent and sometimes that leads to awkard listening sessions.  For instance when I first heard her song "Underneath Your Clothes" I didn't hear it as such.  I thought I was hearing her sing "Underneath Your Balls".  Acents are so sexy yet misleading.

I am having problems with this one.  I can't remember the vocal part.  I think it is "Next Episode" by Dr. Dre but I am not sure.  I am fairly certain whatever song it is, that it comes from Dr. Dre's Chronic 2000.  Anyway it is mashed with "Paradise City by Guns N Roses.

Oh and I read a comment last night that made me remember some pick-up lines I once collected.  They weren't your regular pick-up lines however.  These were the pick-up lines of historical figures.  Don't understand?  WEll here they are:
"Space-time isn't the only thing that is curved."-Albert Einstein
"Fetch me some calomel, Ms. Hemmings, I think I may have come down with jungle fever."-Thomas Jefferson
"I believe in the separation of church and state and the separation of you and clothes."- Thomas Jefferson
"Would you support my agrarian society and let me plant my oats in your fertile fields?"- Thomas Jefferson
"How would you like to be Beethoven's fifth?"-Beethoven
"You know, there are certain things I could eat during my hunger strike."-Gandhi
"Let’s shake off our imperialistic oppressors and your panties."- Ganhdi
"Your palace looks like it could use a sturdy column."-Julius Caesar
"United we stand, divided we fall...catch my drift?"-Abraham Lincoln
"Why don’t I emancipate you from the bonds of your clothes? "- Abraham Lincoln
"You’ll never want to secede from our union."- Abraham Lincoln
"Baby, you're the bomb."-Harry S Truman
"Your name must be Grace because you are irresistible."-Martin Luther(yes, all my years of theology are being put to use in writing a pick up line for Martin Luther)
"Come with me and I'll make you the Princess of Wails."-Prince Charles
"I'd like to drop anchor in your lagoon."-Magellan
"Avast! Prepare to be boarded."-Blackbeard
"I like my women like I like my DNA: unzipping my genes."-Linus Pauling
"Let's have a debate: I'll be a cultural relativist and you can adopt the missionary position."- Franz Boas(I didn't know this guy until tonight but I found that pick up line so I had to use it. He proposed the theory of cultural relativist)
"Yes, I am proud of helping to repeal the Stamp Act but I'd rather repeal that dress from you." Benjamin Franklin
" If you sign this non-aggression pact I promise to only blitzkrieg your western front."-Adolf Hitler
"Stalin means “made of steel”.  I didn’t get the nickname for my ruling ability."-Josef Stalin
"You’re making a Civil Rights Movement in my pants." Martin Luther King Jr.
"You wanna hear about my dream about you and I?"- Martin Luther King Jr.
"You’ve seen my face on Mount Rushmore, but wait till you see my face when I mount you."-Theodore Roosevelt
"I'd like to finish plowing your canal"- Theodore Roosevelt
"When I said, “I’ll be back,” I was giving your booty fair warning." Arnold Schwarzenegger
"I banished all the snakes in Ireland…except for the one in my pants; that one I saved for you."- St. Patrick
"I’d love to aerial your backside."- Tony Hawk
"Actually, the happiest place on earth is my bedroom."-Walt Disney
"What time do you get off work because I feel an uprising in my lower class?"- Karl Marx
"I lost my telephone patent, can I have yours?"- Elisha Gray
"Want to take a midnight ride?  I'll give a signal for when I am coming: one if by pink, two if by stink."- Paul Revere
"I'd like to thank you ahead of time for the fun we will have tonight."- Nostradamus
"I've got a huge part for you but only if you dress like a man."- Shakespeare
"Ich bin....how do you say 'hard as a rock' in German?"- JFK
"I'm going to split you in half."- King Solomon
"The piano is a string instrument, but I prefer if you play my wind instrument and blow me."- Mozart
"Baby, I don’t mind that you’re a B Flat, I’ll still orchestrate orgasms for you. "- Mozart

If you have any that you would like to submit, please send them my way in a comment.

Oh and I am taking off in a minute or so because there is a funeral in a town for one of the Ft. Hood victims in a town about 7 miles away.  It's in the town where I used to attend grade school.  I figure that despite my disdain for the media hounds that have descended in this area that I should attempt to be patriotic.

So I peeled myself away from my Friday the 13th marathon to do this.  You know that Freddy vs. Jason was robbed of Oscars.  I am somewhat glad that Friday the 13th got re-worked because the last few Jason movies sucked dong.  Anyway, you know the drill, some images may not be safe for work or for life.

A former member of Scientology has come forward to talk about the cult-like activity of the pseudo-religion.  This former member claims that while at a compound they received word that Tom Cruise was going to visit therefore they had to get the place sparkling clean.  3 members refused to do the work so they were taken to a place in the compound called The Hole.  These three members were beaten.  One of the higher-ups arrived before Tom and was shocked that these three members weren't beaten to a bloody pulp.  Tom Cruise then phone and asked the cult if he had to come down to The Hole and "beat the shit" out of the disobedient.  So let's get this straight...members are forced to do menial work for the higher-ups in the group and beaten severely when they don't follow orders...yep, that sounds like a religion to me.  Also, Tom Cruise wants to go to a place called The Hole and beat men who are tied up...yep, that sounds like a gay porn to me.

Tila Tequila has no clue who the Yankees are but they gave her an excuse to be slutty.  I find it extremely ironic that she is stuffing her basketballs into a bra that is sporting a baseball team's logo.  I can't wait to see which team she will be sporting next year after the World Series.

Last weekend Joe Perry of Aerosmith said that Steven Tyler had quit the band.  Well this week Steven fired back and said he has no plans to quit Aerosmith.  He finished the interview by saying "I, motherfucker, am the rainbow."  So is that his new name; Motherfucker, the Rainbow?  I thought that was Adam Lambert's name.  I'm not saying this in a bad way, but I think the gay pride movement should jump all over that quote and use it in their parades.

Spencer Pratt was out showing off his 1968 Camaro SS this week.  Why can't he be like the other douches in Hollywood and drive a Porsche or Mercedes?  Wait...cars that old don't have airbags...SCORE!

Shauna Sand was spotted spending some time with her family last weekend.  When a member of the paparazzi asked her what her plans were for after the party Shauna said that she planned on going home to eat ice cream and then winked.  Well if you haven't seen her sex tape there is a scene involving her eating some melted ice cream.  So she was promoting her sex tape in front of her child and at the same time coming out of her top? Has she no shame?  No.

An advertising agency in New Zealand has placed these billboard along the highways trying to get companies to advertise their businesses.  The funny thing is that sales of ad space is up 40% for this company since they started using Paris Hilton's image.  I think business would be up even higher if the billboard said "Shoot hot advertising load all over my face."  You know it can't be false advertising since Paris likes that stuff based on her sex tape.

Nick Hogan recently said that he has been having flashbacks and nightmares about his time in jail.  Hey, Nick, at least you get to dream.  Your passenger can't do that.  He's in a permanent vegetative state.  I guess it was his fault that you were drunk driving and it was his fault that made you crash and it's his fault for being brain dead.

Lindsay Lohan is supposedly having money problems.  She has been going to clubs and charging her drinks to other people's tabs.  You know...I have to admit that Lindsay learned that from me.  One wedding that I was in, I was having a drink at the bar while they were setting up for the dance.  I noticed that the bride's father opened a tab and well it all went downhill from there.  Sorry, Mr. T.

OK creepy news, Lindsay Lohan's parents released a recorded phone conversation wherein they talked about how Lindsay was dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death.  Now her parents are worried that Lindsay will end up like Heath.  He probably went into her purse and thought he was downing a couple breath mints but it was horse tranquilizers.  Oh and that taped conversation could put Lindsay's father in jail because he admitted to talking with Lindsay despite having a restraining order at the time.  That whole Lohan family needs to be either locked in rehab or in a mental facility.

Leonardo DiCaprio turned 35 this week.  I can't believe he is that old.  I think he could still play a teenager.  Maybe they should cast him as one of those teenage vampires in Twilight.  He'd certainly give that movie franchise some acting talent if his name was attached.

Leighton Meester, star of Gossip Girl, posed for GQ magazine.  The photos were not that shocking.  I mean the girl was born in a prison and already has a sex tape out on the internet.  I have this feeling that once Gossip Girl gets canceled Leighton will be giving out blow jobs like the Care Bears dispense hugs.

Speaking of...oh Kim Kardashian.  Did you know that the popsicle which she is sucking is actually 42 inches long?  She is so talented which is why I am going to ask for her hand in marriage.

Rumor has it that Katy Perry will soon be marrying Russell Brand.  He has been known as a man-whore who has been associated with basically every female that appears on this blog.  He said that he is extremely attracted to Katy.  Yeah I know why he's attracted to her and it rhymes with boobs.  Katy's parents are also said to have taken a shining to Russell which some find strange given his sluttiness and the fact that Katy's parents are both evangelical ministers.  I don't think it's any shock that her parents would enjoy Russell since he does look like their lord and savior.

Katt Williams was arrested this week for breaking into a house and burglarizing it.  There were people at the house and they claimed he was trying to take stuff out.  That doesn't make sense since he has such a great comedy career and he has one of the highest selling comedy DVDs of the year.  Katt is claiming he was set up.  He said that he got into a fight with an employee of the house where he was staying while he was filming a movie, the same house that he was accused of robbing.  Well either way, he's smiling so it can't be that bad.

Singer and stoner, Joss Stone claims that weed is not a drug and that everyone smokes it so it's OK.  Poll time:  who here has not smoked weed?  So she claims that marijuana isn't bad, but going home and eating whole containers of ice cream can't be good.

In the most disturbing news ever, a former bodyguard of Jon Gosslein has come forward and said that he once filmed Jon having sex.  Jon found a hooker on craigslist and he had the bodyguard film them screwing.  The bodyguard also said that he witnessed Jon doing copious amounts of cocaine.  What is with people filming themselves having sex?  Am I such a prude?  OK maybe I am a hypocrite.  Anyway, if that tape gets released it will be a bigger pandemic then H1N1.  People will go blind and they will learn that the show shouldn't have been called Jon and Kate Plus 8 but more like Jon and Kate plus 4 and a Half.  In Jon's defense, I'd snort coke too if I had to put up with Kate.  I also would film myself having sex with a prostitute as well since that was probably the first time that he wasn't on his hands and knees with Kate standing behind him with a strap-on forcing Jon to call her Big Rudy.

Johnny Depp has heard of Nicolas Cage's financial woes and he told Nicolas that he will pay off his $7million debt with the IRS.  Apparently, Johnny owes his career to Nicolas.  Nic set up a meeting with an agent for Depp to get him his role in Nightmare on Elm Street.  I also hear that Nicolas' son, Kal-El Coppola Cage, is offering his father $1million to legally change his name.  Hopefully Nic doesn't take that money and use it to buy dinosaur skulls.

OK this story has nothing to do with Jerry Stiller other than speculation.  CBS recently announced that they have bought the rights to make a TV show based on the Twitter page Shit My Dad Says.  I am thinking Jerry Stiller would be perfect for the role of "dad".  Oh and I wonder how they are going to work around that name.  They'll probably go with "Stuff My Dad Says".  In other TV news FOX announced that they are adapting the website, Texts from Last Night, into a TV show, which will more than likely be animated and written by Seth McFarlane.  God, are people really that unoriginal?  Have we seriously run out of ideas?  I need to start a petition to get a show based on me and my talking cock.

Jamie Foxx and Martin Lawrence are teaming up for a comedy movie.  It is going to center around their characters Wanda and Shenehneh.  Maybe it's jut an excuse for them to get together and cross-dress.  Shockingly Tyler Perry isn't attached.  You know this movie would have been hilarious back in 1993 but not now.

Daniel Radcliffe was photographed smoking the ganj at a party this week.  The photographer said that Daniel was laughing continuously and let someone draw a mustache on him with a Sharpie.  Someone made the joke that they didn't know who he was but that he looked like the main character from Lord of the Rings.  So what?  Daniel's 20 and rich.  How else is he going to spend his time?  Acting in a stage play where he gets fully nude...wait he did do that.  This guy could smoke crack on a playground and would not be fired from his role as Harry Potter.  Although they may have to re-shoot and call the new film Harry Potter and the Stoner's Bong or The Sorceror is Stoned.

Sad news for Celine Dion, her husband announced that she was no longer pregnant.  She didn't lose the pregnancy but she never "took".  Apparently the artificial insemination failed.  He said that they will continue to pursue having a child.  Well anyway, here's Canada's national anthem.  Just kidding, Canada, we all know it is O Canada.

Carrie Prejean acknowledged that she indeed did make a sex tape.  Of course she makes the Christian excuse of being lonely on Valentine's Day.  I have been lonely for numerous Valentine's Days but that doesn't mean I get out the camera and film myself toying with the Death Star.  She also made the excuse that she was a teenager and didn't think the pictures would be leaked.  So what I gather from her preaching of Christianity is that the religion hates gay marriage but loves sex tapes and not having personal accountability.  Oh and the best part of this, when the pageant company showed the tape in closed quarters, Carrie's mom was with her in the chambers.  Kids, when you want to play, the cameras go away.

OK let's go through Ashlee Simpson's resume.  She's a failed lip-syncer.  She's a failed dancer.  She's a failed baby-namer.  And added to the list after she was canned from the new Melrose Place, failed actress.  Now she wants to add one more item to her resume...failed clothing designer.  She says that her look will be preppy-punk.  God...that sounds like more horrible shit they will sell at Hot Topic and will just be more clothes that no one will ever wear.

First Amy Winehouse got breast implants now she is telling people that she wants to get ass implants because she wants to look like a pin-up girl.  Here I was just thinking that her new chesticles threw off her balance so she needed something in back to keep her from toppling over.  Man...she'll have huge boobs and a big butt...that's like putting Gargamel's head on Jessica Rabbit's body.

I think life is starting to get to Britney again.  Could you imagine if Britney actually did get political in her music?  I could totally see her simulating a strip tease on a stripper pole while telling us that we need to lower tariffs.  I could also see her shaking her ass while imploring us that we need to balance the federal budget.  Oh don't worry, Britney really isn't giving glory to Satan.  Her Twitter was hacked(why does that sound so dirty?).  Britney still worships at the Church of Starbucks.

Britney has also been telling anyone who will listen that she will never perform in Australia again.  She says that they are so mean.  Apparently at her concerts people have had to audacity to boo and demand their money back because of her poor lip-syncing job.  Well the precedence was set with concert goer in Chicago demanding money back after a lackluster Creed show, but when did Creed ever do a good show?  Anyway, I wonder if we can just boo and jeer at all celebrities we don't like and they would go away.

Video Section
Taylor Swift was on Saturday Night Live last week and this by far was one of the best skits I have seen this season.

Remember last week when I had photos of Tony Soprano dressed as Homer Simpson?  Well, James Gandolfini didn't like having his picture taken.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

My dreams are all dead and buried.  Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode.  When comes and calls me to his kingdom, I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go, when I blow...Theme song from the TV show Squidbillies.  I love that show.

It's November 12th, do you still remember the veterans who gave their lives for your country or is it just a one day a year deal?

#1.  You know those "sayings" websites, like FML, MLIA, That's What She Said...well they are getting out of hand.  Here is one that makes little to no sense to me, Can I Tap That.  I bet that it will get it's own show on FOX(preview to this week's Celebrity Round-Up)

#2.  Here's a fun little site called Emails from an Asshole.  That is one of my favorite entries because I lived on a horse farm.  We didn't have a lake on the property and neither did the neighbors although one did have an outdoor pool that we made use of.

#3.  Are any of you guys going out on a date this weekend or anytime soon?  If so, here is a handy flowchart to see if you will have sex after the date.

#4.  Here's a list of movies that are in production...the 10 most boneheaded movies in production.  One that didn't make the list was a movie about facebook starring Justin Timberlake...seriously.

#5.  If you hadn't figured by now, I enjoy TV.  Lately though it seems that I only watch one or two programs but leave my tv on for background noise.  Before I go into a long disertation as to why I will just link this list of the 10 best TV neighbors.  All of those neighbors would be swell in my book.

#6.  I have made fun of this strange new trend wherein young girls pose by making duck lips.  I have stated that this pose is one of two things.  First, I think the girls are trying to show off their DSL.  Second, I think they are constipated.  Third(I lied), I think they think they are cute.  Well here is a great blog that is Anti-Duckface.  Miley Cyrus makes the list.

#7.  Have you ever sat in church and looked at what the pastor was wearing and thought, "Dear Lord, that looks like some Project Runway garbage."  Well here is a page devoted to bad clergy vestments.  I know that may not be funny for all of you but for me...IT'S GOLDEN!

#8.  This site is called White Whine.  It's sort of like FML and MLIA but it is primarily complaints that only white people would have.  November 4th...that is so me.

#9.  I have no clue what this says but it speaks to me in the universal language of delicious.

#10.  Recently two employees at Cornell University were found out to be having an illict email love affair.  Apparently they would send each other racy emails.  It was going great and no one knew but the dude with the mullet replied to one email and he accidentally clicked the BCC and ended up sending copies of their conversations to the entire school body and faculty.  Thankfully someone was kind enough to post their conversation on the internet and you can read it here.  And that is why I primarily use web-based emails.

#11.  Thanks to dikdoktor for sending me this link.  It's sexual records that no one should be proud of.  Sadly, one of those I witnessed, not firsthand but the video.  It was the most partners one.  She first broke the record with 500 and then someone else topped that and to this day her record of 620 still stands.  Basically for two movies that lady has slept with 1120 men. Houston is no longer a porn star.  I heard a rumor that after her labia reduction surgery she became a Christian.

#12.  I know Halloween has come and past but here's 25 sexy costumes just for the hell of it.

#13.  I love and hate this next website.  I hate it because it goes backward.  You have to go back to the first post to get the whole story.  But if you read the whole thing, I'm guaranteed you will love it.  It's about a landlord from hell.  I have never had a landlord like that although there was one time that was creepy.  I fell asleep watching football on Sunday and woke to one of my landlords walking out of my laundry room/utility room.

#14.  Hey, does any other hipster out there want to go in and buy this? 

#15.  They really do sell EVERYTHING at Walmart.

AWWWWWW....It's a hipster kitty!

Well Cocky and I are back for another shot at helping you with your questions.  It has been a long two weeks and Cocky and I are both somewhat exhausted.  I have slipped back into my insomnia and Cocky has been sampling the the case of product the sponsors sent us this week. 

Me: Cocky, are you ready?
Cocky: Locked, cocked, and ready to unload.
Me: Good to hear.  How is the new sponsor treating you?
Cocky: My liver woke up next to me this morning, crying.  I missed sun-up.
Me: That's unfortunate.  What did all the hens do?
Cocky: Well, when they heard my liver crying, they just rolled over and went back to bed.
Me: Well at least they weren't disturbed. 
Cocky: Yeah they only get disturbed when I bring up the notion of Cosby Sweaters.
Me: Cocky, that's horrible.
Cocky:  Your one to talk.  Look how you woke me up.
Me: What do you mean?
Cocky:  You put your hand around my throat and shook me until I started spitting.
Me:  What am I going to do with you?
Cocky:  Well you could start by not choking your chicken.
Me: And now a word from our sponsors.

Fighting Cock Bourbon is aged for 6 years in oaken barrels to make it a classic 103 proof bourbon and giving it a smooth and robust flavor.  The brand name reflects the proud, passionate, independent spirit that the Fighting Cock bird embodies. Indeed, during World War II, a fighter squadron adorned the cowls of their planes with this proud but fierce emblem. Fighting Cock is a hallmark of Heaven Hill's fine Bourbons.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
Where do you come up with your ideas?  I mean you seem like such a creative person so I would just like to know when and where do you get these ideas?
                                                                  Courtney in Courtland
Me: Well, Courtney, you actually have me blushing.
Cocky: Are you sure that isn't because of broken capillaries from drinking?
Me: Actually I get ideas all the time for writing and one of the things I recommend is carrying around a small not pad with you because you never know when the creative bug will bite.
Cocky: You never take a note pad with you into your throne room.
Me:  Ugh...that's because I am "reading" in my "reading room".
Cocky: Yeah.."reading".  Look Courtney, I find the best thoughts come post orgasm...hahaha come

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I am back in the dating scene and my last girlfriend was this career woman fashionista who was more interested in who she was wearing than what was going on in the world and was also confident in her place in the world.  What do I have to do to reel in a politically aware and frustrated waitress?
                                          Waitress Lover in Wood Lake
Me: I'm not sure how to go about "reeling" one in but I am sure it could be rather easy in this economic climate to find a frustrated waitress.  I guess the best advice I could give you is to broaden your horizons while at the same time lowering them.
Cocky: You leave a tip, a HUGE tip, man.  I'm talking like $10 on a bill that is $2.  The Godfather does that quite often.  He's just to proud to admit it.  He leaves a dollar tip for every drink at the bar but if the bartender is a female and has a pulse he usually leaves $2 or $3 per drink. 
Me: I am just being nice because I read that one of the most frequent jobs for women in school is waitressing and by giving them a larger tip, it is my way of helping society better itself.
Cocky: Whatever helps you sleep at night....OK, so leave the big tip and when you go to see this waitress only look at her and talk to her.  And when she asks if you want a lapdance, you pay her but say it is just for conversation...wait that's how you go about reeling in strippers...I have no idea how to find a waitress.
Me: One thing that worked for me was after I paid my bill, I found the waitress and said that there was something wrong with my bill...her phone number was not written on it.  She ended up giving me her phone number and said she liked my confidence.
Cocky: And then she gave you a restraining order and a broken heart because she didn't like your lack of bulge.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
From your life-time, what sports story was the most shocking to you?
                                         Journalist in Judson
Me: Great question!  Where does one begin?  Dale Earnhardt's death participating in the sport he loved was shocking.  Or how about the Red Sox coming back from 3 games down to win the American League pennant and then go on to sweep the World Series?  Maybe Michael Jordan's retirement to pursue a baseball career.  Another could be Magic Johnson's announcement he had HIV.
Cocky:  The most shocking was when a virtually unknown fighter named El Pollo Guapo took the ring to fight the number one fighter in the world, El Pollo de la Muerte.  It was an exhausting fight for El Pollo Guapo but he overcame all odds to win.  Maybe this was more shocking for me since I was El Pollo Guapo in my fighting days.
Me: Cocky, you were a fighter?
Cocky: Yes and I retired undefeated after my third fight.
Me: That is something.  You should be proud of that accomplishment.
Cocky: Yes, I am as proud of my cockfighting career as you are of your undefeated record in the art of hand to little man combat.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I work very hard to keep my lawn in nice shape, but I am tired of finding little "surprises" that my neighbor's dog leaves behind. I have spoken to my neighbor about this many times but he just shrugs it off and says he will try to watch "Fido" more closely. My town does have a "pooper-scooper" law but it only applies to parks and public spaces. I try hard to be a good neighbor, but I am about at the end of my rope about this. Can you suggest anything?
                                        Poop-Scoop in Pemberton
Me: Most towns that are civilized enough to have pooper-scooper laws also have leash laws. Either "Fido" is on one heck of a long leash or he's running loose. I would …ahem…collect the evidence, bring it over to his lawn and point out that watching "Fido" obviously is not enough. I would then pleasantly suggest an invisible fence to keep puppy in his own yard AND to comply with local leash laws.
Cocky:  Now I bet you are expecting I give my usual advice here, which would be "Punch your neighbor in the throat," but I'm not going to give that advice.  I am going to suggest that you do something the Godfather's great-grandmother did when her neighbor's dog left lawn sausages in her yard.  She picked up the evidence but instead of calmly showing the evidence to her neighbors, she waited for a time when they weren't around and snuck into their back yard and smeared it all over their personal possessions such as the door knob and some sunglasses that were on their back porch.  The only downside to smearing crap all over your neighbor's possessions is that your hands are going to stink like dog shit for a while.  Hey, maybe you should get the guy who wants to fart in front of his girlfriend to visit your neighbor and peel the paint off your neighbor's wall after you feed the farter a few bowls of chili.

Disclaimer: I plan on time-stamping this piece and if you don't like time-stamping please don't tell me to quit xanga on my blog.  It's time-stamping.  Please, don't be like some mental deficient bloggers out there by reporting me to xanga for harassment because I time-stamped and you can't wrap your small mind around that.  Just block me and unsubscribe like a normal person.  Dang, I shouldn't have written this, Prince Zuko and the vegetarian vampires may attack me.

If you have any questions send them to advicewithcocky@gmail.com(Real email...SERIOUSLY) or send them to me here at Xanga.

By now you should know that when you come to my site I have my usual set schedule.  It works for me and I think that is because of some of my disorders.  I need that structure.  I was going to do a special post today because it was an anniversary but I saw a few of the popular Xangans already covered it and I got lost watching 3 hours of The Office and then Sons of Anarchy.....AWESOME!  Anyway I'm going to do two things in this post...be funny and serious...can it be done?  Probably not but I am going to try.

On November 10th in the 1975th year of our Lord the SS Edmund Fitzgerald sank in a gale on Lake Superior.  The Edmund Fitzgerald was the largest shipping navigating the waters of the Great Lakes.  That must have been one hell of a storm to bring down that ship.  Anyway if you want to know more about the wreck, I guess do a wikipedia search.  I remember my dad always talking about that incident when I was a child and I can also remember going to Sault St. Marie and seeing some of the wreckage in a museum and I also bought a model of the ship which I still have.  I also remember my dad singing the song by Gordon Lightfoot, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", when I could sleep some nights.  Those were some great images to put into my head when I was trying to sleep, no wonder why I fear drowning.  All these years later I still love to hear that song and attempt to play that mournful twang on my guitar.  One of my favorite summer experiences was when some visitors from Milwaukee came to Minnesota and we sat in a bar that featured a piano player and we started shouting that he play that song.  Drunken tributes to the men that lost their lives on the Edmund Fitzgerald....here's a video of the song:

There is something else I want to share about the Edmund Fitzgerald.  When I was living around the Twin Cities I was introduced to a late night radio talk show host by the name of Tommy Mischke.  I suffered from insomnia in those days and Tommy made it worthwhile.  His show was an acquired taste.  I wrote a post about Tommy Mischke when I heard that he had been fired.  Tommy is still hilarious and writing and broadcasting for the City Pages.  Well on his show, on the 30th anniversary, he pulled out a clip of an interview with an expert on the Edmund Fitzgerald.  I am going to share a link to the clip here(it's 13 minutes).  Instead of conducting a normal interview with the expert, Mischke sang his questions in the tune of Gordon Lightfoot's song.  You really have to give it a listen...it takes a while to get to the actual interview.  I need to share more of Mischke's madness....ok here's one, Mischke asks a question that has been on my mind for years.

Here's your weekly dose of motivation:

Well I really need to stop accepting forwarded emails.

I don't have much of anything witty to say here...just maybe a quote that I love from The Office: "Fool me once, strike one...fool me twice, three strikes, you're out."

Even though the title says objectless there will be plenty of objects inside some of which may not be safe for work or life.

So this is what it is like when the Iceman cometh.

I couldn't decide on an adequate caption for this one: "The family that stitches up vaginas together, stays together." -or- The Real Housewives of Appalachia.

Gettin' down to business....monkey business.

They are so like us.  I think this is the greatest proof of evolution to date.

I couldn't decide on an adequate caption: Sad O'Lantern -or- "This is what happens when traffic cones are evil and go to hell."

Ummmm...one...two...three...thousand

You know...that last season of The Sopranos was awfully strange.

I had trouble selecting a caption for this one: "Something old, something borrowed, something pink, and something infected." -or- I enjoy an all-u-can-eat buffet at the weddings I attend.

I get it, Tommy Lee, you have a large penis but don't you think this is overkill?

Ummmm compared to that, my chandelier is tiny.

I am very intimidated by that bed.

I am very intimidated by that bathtub.  How do you make the water start?

Here we see Richard Henne working on his next project, Balloon Girl.

WHAT A BARGAIN!

Here's a redneck fire alarm.

New for the Wii, "Fisting with Sarah Jessica Parker"

Here's a logical solution to cold and ice...murder it.

WORST!  HALLOWEEN!  COSTUME!  EVER!

I would have called the police had I knew my neighbor was being battered.

Have a swell day, you hepcats.

So have you heard of this DJ Hero video game?  It's a game along the same lines as Guitar Hero and Band Hero however the instrument you use is a DJ's turntable as well as a crossfader, stream buttons, and effects dials.  I think this game will blow Guitar Hero out of the water.  The one cool aspect is that some songs from Guitar Hero are playable on this game and they can be broken apart i.e. you can use just the vocals or just the music.  It is possible to make your own mash-ups with this game. Just think of what I will be able to share with you in the future.  Oh and they have a microphone option so that you could make your own raps.  God...I still remember laying my old Asteroid game on Atari.

This is "Womanizer" by Britney Spears mixed with "Sex On Fire" by Kings of Leon.  Wow...just wow...I have loved Kings of Leon since Skinny Wolf told me about them because of their constant rotation on the Target in-store music station.  They just keep getting better as do Ms. Spears. 

This song combines "This is Why I'm Hot" by MIMS and mashes it with "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard.  When that song by MIMS came out I absolutely detested it.  If I remember correctly it was featured in a Madden Football game.  I immediately disabled that song because I just could not stand it.  My hatred intensified whenever a white kid with a popped collar started rapping that at the bar.  If only MIMS had made this song then my hatred would have been love because this song is AWESOME!  I still remember one of my roommates in college went to a Def Leppard concert.  He took a bag of sugar into the concert and had a sign that said "Will Pour On You"  and he also tucked one of his arms inside his shirt. 

Here's another Britney mash-up.  It takes her "Slave 4 U" and mashes it with the single most annoying song in the universe, "Holla Back Girl" by Gwen Stefani.  OK it's not a bad mash-up and I have pictures of Britney from that video which could be her hottest to date.  Oh and I can't remember for the life of me which Britney video that she wore the tight red leather PVC outfit....I need closure.

20 years ago today.  I still remember that night.  My family was glued to the TV watching with tears in their eyes.

I first want to thank everyone who has commented on my site over these past 1000 posts.  What a long strange trip it's been!  Anyway I wasn't around much yesterday because I had a doctor's appointment.  Ugh...I hate them.  The only redeeming thing was that I was wiped out afterward and I fell asleep in the waiting room.  Today I got a all that the H1N1 vaccines were in at the hospital so I had to go back.  I had to get the spray one.  I was dizzy for some time this evening and also my joints ached.  I fell asleep and now I have all the energy in the world.  I feel like I should be out bench pressing my blazer.  Anyway...here's the round up.  Just a reminder, some images may not be safe for work or for life.

Does anyone remember Three Men and a Baby?  How about the sequel Three Men and a Little Lady?  Well if you remember both of those movies then I salute you.  To satisfy the world's desire to see more Steve Gutenberg they are in the early stages of production of the third in the series, tentatively titled Three Men and a Bride.  Gee...I wonder what that one will be about.  If the world really wanted a sequel of a Steve Gutenberg movie why didn't they just ask for more Police Academy?  Or what about another Cocoon movie?  If I need any Ted Danson or Tom Selleck I just look for syndication episodes of Cheers or Magnum P.I.

Sam Ronsonand Wilmer Valderama were photographed together exiting a restaurant this week.  You know they probably went out to discuss their war stories from their days of dating Lindsay Lohan. 
Wilmer: Did Lindsay ever show you the tricks she could do with a ping pong ball?
Sam: Yes, but by the time I dated her she was doing that trick with grapefruits.
You know I was originally just going to say "Here we see the biggest cock in Hollywood with Wilmer Valderama."  You know, it was going to be a cut out how Fez went on all the radio talk shows to brag about the size of his manhood and all the celebrity starlets he deflowered.  What a dick!

Did you know Olivia Munn has her own magazine that is set to release soon?  Did you know these photos are from that issue and that all the photos are of her prancing around in lingerie?  Did you know that this magazine would make the perfect Christmas present for me?  Well...I'm just saying.

Oh Olivia...you so hot.  You know I caught a bit of Shallow Hal today and was sort of freaked by it.  Apparently skinny people are hot and fat people are ugly.  So I need girls to get hypnotized like Hal so they can see me as hot and skinny.

Nicolas cage's financial problems are coming to light because he is filing a lawsuit against his former business manager because Nicolas claims that the manager allowed him to spend recklessly and not pay his taxes.  Anyway let's look at some of things he has bought over the past few years.  He houses in Newport Beach, Venice Beach, Malibu, San Francisco, Middletown, Rhode Island, New York City, Las Vegas, a castle near Bath, England, an 11th Century Castle in Etzlewang, Germany, two Bahamian islands, a 1940 Belair mansion, and two foreclosed mansions in New Orleans...THAT IS JUST HIS PROPERTY.  That Belair mansion was bought for $30million but he sold it for $15million.  That mansion also held a Christmas party that many people say was the most lavish Christmas party in Hollywood history.  He did do some good with his money by giving $1million to Hurricane Katrina relief and $2million to Amnesty International.  Two sources have said that Cage owns 50 cars and 20 motorcycles.  Some of the cars include a $500,000 Lamborghini that was once owned by the Shah of Iran.  They also said that Nicolas spent 6 figures on a Bentley and then another $50,000 for customizing the interior.  They say he had a TV, stereo, and bar installed in the back of the Bentley but with all that added there wasn't much space and basically only people under 5'8" could fit and Nicolas is 6 feet tall.  He also owns two yachts and a Gulfstream jet which at the least can go for $45million.  Nicolas Cage also was an avid comic book collecter and at one point owned the issue of Action Comic which contained the first appearance of Superman.  He sold that collection for $2million.  People have said that when they went to Nicolas' mansions they would see shrunken heads all over the place and he also outbid Leonardo DiCaprio for a dinosaur skull, which cost him $276,000.  He basically had a kennel of purebred dogs and an aviary of rare birds.  He also had a collection or rare lizards and snakes.  The prize of these snakes were two albino King Cobras.  His spending habits for food was even worse.  While filming in New York City, Cage would go into a restaurant and spend $2000 on a snack for himself.  I guess Biggie Smalls had it right when he said, "Mo money, mo problems."  You know, I don't think my life is complete without albino king cobras.

Mischa Barton caused a bar fight this week.  She stepped on a guy's foot causing him to spill his drink.  He yelled at her so she threw her drink in his face.  One of her friends then came over to fight this guy.  They tangled and police had to take them away.  You know who should have been arrested?  Mischa Barton...she should be thrown in jail for all that alcohol abuse.

I love Iron Chef and I think First Lady Michelle Obama is rather attractive.  When I heard those two things were going to be one, I had to change my pants.  They have filmed a special episode of Iron Chef where Mario Batali and Emeril Lagese take on Bobby Flay and the White House chef.  The secret ingredient is they get to use all the vegetables from the White House garden.  I hope Batali cooks with class and losses the Crocs for the White House.  The episode will air January 3rd.

Mel Gibson's girlfriend, Oksana gave birth to a daughter this week.  They named their daughter Lucia.  I was sort of surprised that they didn't name her after Mel's most favorite person in the world although they would have to make the name feminine.  The name would have been Jackeline Daniella.  This is Mel's 8th child.  I wonder what the Catholic Church has decreed on the topic of vasectomies.  I bet they are against them because if they weren't then Mel could have avoided this child.

Alright alright alright...Matthew McConaughey turned 40 this week.  I bet he celebrated with some buds.  Alright alright alright.  You know the best part of turning 40 for Matthew? It's the high school girls, man because the older he gets, they stay the same age.  And the key to staying young after 40 is livin' that's L-I-V-I-N.   ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!  Does anyone get this?  If you do, you are my hero.

This is a screen shot from Mariah Carey's new video H.A.T.E.U.  Why does it look like she is trying to drop a deuce?  That look on her face...been there, done that.  Living in Wisconsin with all this cheese leads to constipation.  Maybe she isn't constipated, maybe she just likes to sing when she has a grumpy.

No the Twilight kids aren't dressed up for Halloween.  They are posing for a photograph spread for Harper's Bazaar.  Bizarre is more like it.  Kristen Stewart is in fact wearing a dress made of garbage bags.  Something tells me that once the Twilight movies have run their course she will end up wearing garbage bags once again.  See to maintain an acting career you must know how to act or at the very least show emotion.  This may be the first photograph of her where she does not look stoned.

DAMN!  Guess the ass...ok stop...it's Khloe Kardashian and I take back every bad thing I have ever said about her as long as she continues to wear those jeans.

Katy Perry didn't wear this for Halloween.  This was for some sort of European MTV award show.  This outfit is amazing.  I love how she found that fabric that almost matches her skin tone.  The outfit makes her music seem tolerable.  I think she should make this look permanent.

Iggy Pop was debuting his new DVD this week.  It's called Elderly Guys Go Senile.  Seriously, I like Iggy.  It just struck me as funny because when I found this photo there was a commercial for Girls Gone Wild on my TV.

I think Hugh Jackman was showing off his Halloween costume here.  He's wearing a trench coat and dark sunglasses, he has his hand down his pants, and there's a child within ten feet.  yep, I think he is showing off his pervert costume for Halloween.  Actually he was just strolling with his wife and child when the acting bug bit him.

Gwen Stefani and the rest of No Doubt are suing the video game company Activision because of the game Band Hero.  No Doubt is upset of how they are portrayed as a karaoke circus act in that game and that Activision promised the band would only be available for three songs in the game however they can be accessed to sing other bands' material.  Then another part of the lawsuit was that the bass player sings I'm Just a Girl.  OK, I'd be pissed too.  And so it begins...expect other bands to sue over these games, bands that don't have their own special editions. 

Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers turned 47 this week.  I am sort of shocked that he has lived that long.  If you don't understand why, read his autobiography Scar Tissue sometime.  It is eye opening but then again most of their recent songs allude to all his problems.

People behind the scenes at the new Melrose Place are claiming that Ashlee Simpson was written off the show for two reasons.  The first being that she was a diva.  She would show up late and make insane demands and hold up shooting.  Secondly they say she was written off because she couldn't act.  I thought that was harsh but then I went to imdb and looked up animal actors.  There are horses, dogs, and monkeys that have had more roles than Ashlee.  You know she is a failure at acting, just look at how horrible her lip-syncing on Saturday Night Live was.

No, this isn't Dakota Fanning's Halloween costume.  She actually goes to high school and is on the cheerleading squad.  She was also elected homecoming queen at her school.  I bet those other girls at her school were jealous because she makes so much money and waltzes into their school and gets homecoming queen.  I wonder if the homecoming dance turned out like the movie Carrie.

Remember a week or so ago when I mentioned that Carrie Prejean was suing the Miss California pageant company?  Well her lawsuit was dropped this week.  The reason?  Two words: sex tape.  A while back TMZ came into possession of a sex tape involving Carrie.  They say that it is just her in the tape and that it was too racy for their website.   Why is jillin' off racy?  Anyway she dropped the lawsuit after the pageant company displayed the video in the judge's chambers.  OK, kids, what does this teach us?  When you want to play, the camera goes away.  That is why I never video tape myself.  I don't want to be known as the blogger with the huge Schwanz.  It would just get in the way of my blogging.

A judge in Australia wants Britney Spears to put a warning on all her tickets and posters because the judge claims that Britney lip-syncs.  SAY IT ISN'T SO!  Wait, I knew that.  Notice that when Britney comes to your area they never say, "Britney, live in concert," it just says "Britney in concert".  That is the admission that the concerts are lip-synced.  They aren't promising a live show.  Oh Britney...you're so crafty.

Oh Britney...you're so noticeable.  Hmmmm pants and shirt at the same time?  LA-DEE-DA!  What a classy lady! 

Halloween Costumes

I would say that Bai Ling has the best Halloween costume of all but knowing her she probably had no clue that it was Halloween and she just showed up to a party wearing that.  I think she is supposed to be Paris Hilton in the year 3000.

Bette Midler threw a Halloween party this year and this was her costume.  She never said what she was supposed to be so I am going to guess that she went as Lady Gaga 25 years from now.

Speaking of Lady Gaga...WTF!  I don't know what she is supposed to be so I am going out on a limb here and am going to guess she is a cat's furball.  I have been thinking of how she and all these fashion people say she is so stylish.  If that is true, why am I not seeing more people dress like that?  I mean I still see the angst-filled teen girls dressing like Avril Lavigne but none dress like Lady Gaga. 

Jessica Alba went as Dora the Explorer for Halloween and she still didn't smile although it looks like one could be forming.

Rupert Grint who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies went as Alex from A Clockwork Orange.  You know, I wouldn't mind seeing him as a lead in a remake or a possible musical rendition for the stage.  Damn...I need to start working on that, right after I finish the musical of Triumph of the Will.

Does anyone know who this is?  Let's just say he isn't dressed as fabulous as he normally dresses.  That is famous cross-dresser Rupaul.  So because we rarely see him/her out of drag does dressing as a male mean Rupaul in the photo is in drag?  My head is going to explode.

Paris Hilton threw her own Halloween party or should I say Slut-oween party.  Never has the Wizard of Oz been so skanky.  Her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt wore the same costume.  AWKWARD!

Paris Hilton and her boyfriend went to a different party so they needed all new costumes.  This time I don't know what she is supposed to be but he looks like a fairy, a tooth fairy to be exact. 

Mariah Carey dressed as angel.  She looks heavenly but the devil in her made husband Nick Cannon dress just like her.  Oh well despite looking like he doesn't want to be there, he's still smiling because he gets to take Mariah home.

DAMN!  I take back everything bad thing I have ever said about Kim Kardashian.  I was trying to figure out who she is supposed to be.  The conclusion was she is Princess Jizzmine from Analaddin.  Her magical power is that she makes the penises of male men suffer from rigor mortis.

Kate Pierson, left, of the B52s dressed as Annie Oakley and her partner Monica Coleman was Davy Crockett.  You know I really need to get more b52s news because I have heard much of her lately.  She looks so gorgeous.

Who could pull off posing as Homer Simpson so perfectly?  Why, Tony Soprano....I mean James Gandolfini.  I was surprised he was one of the voices in Where the Wild Things Are.  I thought he would be forever type-casted because of The Sopranos.

Heidi Klum and Seal always throw a major Halloween costume party and Heidi always has to have the best costume.  Last year she went as the Hindu god Shiva.  This we I think she and Seal were my favorite 90s blues rock band, The Black Crowes, but they are more like Heckle and Sexy Jeckle.

Coco and Rihanna dressed up for a Halloween party.  Actually I don't think they dressed up.  Rihanna usually wears something like that in her music videos and that is Coco's regular church attire.

Coco also showed off another costume on her Twitter.  She makes a great topless dolphin.  Sometimes I wonder why she even bothers wearing clothes.

I hate to say this but I saved the best costume for last.  Heidi and Spencer Pratt went as Jon and Kate Plus 8.  You know, that's a pretty clever costume and to think THOSE TWO pulled it off.

Video Section
Weezer has released their own line of Snuggies.  I may just get one because that is how big of a fan I am of that band.  I'm such a big fan, I think Pinkerton is still their best album.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.  I am going to spend mine taking a Moonlight Drive looking for a Twentieth Century Fox to Light My Fire because I am Back Door Man and a bit of a Wild Child but 5 to 1 she'll only want to Love Me Two Times.  Anyway People are Strange because we are living in Strange Days. 

It's hard to imagine that I have made 1000 posts here on Xanga.  It seems like just yesterday I was making my 500th Post Spectacularrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  Yeah, I can't roll my r's so I type extras.  Nudity...really did you expect anything less from me?

So the last few days I have been seeing all these posts about why people love Xanga and how people came to Xanga and since this is my 1000th Post, I will wax nostalgic. 

When I came here to Xanga I was in a weird place in life.  I was basically starting my adult life all alone.  After graduation my friends were scattered throughout the world by our particular church to be ministers all around the globe.  I needed a way to keep in contact with everyone and this was before Myspace and Facebook took off.  I got the hint from a friend I met on a file sharing program.  She said that was how she kept in contact with all her friends in the same predicament and then I found out another girl that I knew was on Xanga so the madness began.  I started this Xanga to keep in contact with friends and to impress girls. 

If you have read my blog you know that the girls end didn't really pan out.  My friends from college that used Xanga soon stopped because they got married and started families but I kept writing and they kept reading.  It was great.  I had my own little blog and I could have cared less. 

I started a Myspace and a Facebook but Xanga has always had a precedence for me and that is because of the people I have met here.  I've met published authors, poets, lovers, construction workers, conspiracy theorists, grocery store workers, sandwich artists, boat captains, lawyers, doctors, nurses, dancers, parents, teachers, students, hunters, people against hunting, cat lovers, dog lovers, the athletes, the nonathletic, basically people from all walks of life.  And I love it.  I love Xanga for the people that are here.  I've had some dark days over the past few years but the love I have been shown by this community is astounding.  Fuck facebook, some of those people over there that I went to college with could care less but someone across the globe spends a few minutes reading one of my posts and tells me that they laughed well that makes my day.  I refuse to do any of those favorite Xangan posts because I would feel devastated if I left anyone out.

Despite all the negativity, I have plugged away at Xanga.  There have been only three times where I have considered packing it all up and moving away.  Once was during this recent racism controversy and oddly another time I considered leaving was when the racism controversy started for the first time on Xanga.  The other time was when I was in the hospital.  I didn't know if I could come back or maybe I should say would come back because I didn't know if I would make it out of the hospital.  Anyway I can think back to that time and how 3 very special Xangans pulled me out of my corner and exposed me to Xanga.  It's odd to think that even though I have been here since 2005, it wasn't until 2007 or so when I started talking to people on here.  Once again I feel so fortunate to have met all of you.

Another thing people have been talking about here on Xanga is what changes need to be made.  Why do we need change?  This community is powerful and loving and that is all that matters.  Maybe if Xanga wants to boost exposure they need to get famous people blogging and I'm not talking about the Xangacelebutards or a fake celebrity blog run by the aforementioned people but actual famous stars.  Did you realize Fred Durst once blogged at this place and that his blogs were often linked to many of the places where I get my links for my Lukewarm Links posts?  Get someone famous here and people will come and then if people are as loving to new people as they were to me, then that should get people to stay.

So where to go from here?  I think I am going to do more of the same.  My strange sense of humor mixed with my eclectic taste in everything.

Since my 500th post Spectacular was nothing more than a glorified links post, I thought I would link to some of my favorite posts.  So if you want to read these, click the links because I don't plan on timestamping these.

500th Post Spectacular....well this is where I got the idea for the above photo.  I guess it was also a glorified "About Me" post.

One of my favorite posts was one that I called Round Table.  It was a round table discussion about gay marriage. I always enjoyed the political round table discussion shows so I figured it was time to inject my humor into a serious setting and subject.

A lot of you know by now that I usually do a weekly post called Lukewarm Links (this is the most recent).  I regularly visit pages that offer links to weird websites and I wanted to share.  I know some of those posts were painfully long so I cut down the posts.  I get the name from my college days.  I had a computer teacher that referred to every single link as a "hotlink" and so since maybe your humor isn't like mine I figured you may not like them so they are lukewarm.

I spent 18 weeks reviewing every single episode of one of my favorite TV series, Freaks and Geeks.  That is last entry in which I have links to all the other episodes.  I am glad that I was able to get a handful of people to appreciate that series.

I have also been able to share one of my favorite genres of music: the mash-up.   I've felt so privileged to share that music with you especially when some people say they look forward to my Monday Morning Mash-Up Madness.

And if you want more info about me, here's a post entitled Facts about Yours Truly.  I usually don't give away too much about my personal life but there is a good look.

Two of my posts that have benefited me in that I have had increased female readership are my Girl posts.  I am currently working on the third in the series so please be patient.

I think the most viewed post I have ever made is one on My Least Favorite Comedians.  Maybe it is common for some of you but I thought 5000+ views was incredible. And then the next most viewed post was one I wrote sarcastically about my experiences on eHarmony.  3000+ views is nothing to sneeze at.

One of my favorite posts is the stories of my experiences at a haunted bar.  I really enjoy going there even though I've had those experiences.  The owner has told me he has shared my experiences with the ghost hunters.  Oh and the Croatian Sensation, how awesome was it for you that the first time you go there with me and Skinny Wolf that they are conducting a study of the paranormal?  I still say we have a Xanga meet and greet there.

Two other favorite posts, ones that I have re-posted every year, have showcased my sweet tooth.  One is called (Soda) Pop Culture, which features pop of yesteryear, and the other is I Want Candy(or at least the candy of my youth).  I apologize if the photos are down.  It probably means that the site where I originally got those from is down so now I have some work to do for a re-post.

One of my favorite posts has been one that I did called Dark Side of the Rainbow.  It's about how Pink Floyd's album "Dark Side of the Moon" goes together so well with The Wizard of Oz.  That post makes me remember so many good things about college.

One post series I haven't done in some time is a Porno Parodies post.  I would find covers to parody porn movies.  I find them quite hilarious.  Speaking of porn, I was going to post a link to the post about what I have learned from porn but that is coming as a repost...hey, you perverts, no jokes.

Some other posts that I no longer do because of the popularity of other posts are Terrible Tattoo Thursdays and Comic Capers.  I think the reason I stopped doing the tattoo posts was that a guy on Myspace did a blog criticizing me for being close-minded about his tattoo.  He tattooed his tongue as well as had it split.  Anyway, I didn't really make fun of him, I just wanted to know why he did that. 

One feature that I plan on bringing back later this winter is my Tournament of Randomocity.  If I remember correctly, the cat won.  Pussy FTW...as the kids say.

One of the craziest and strangest posts I have ever made was when I decided to post the Roman Ritual of Exorcism.  One of my cousins was a Catholic priest and I can't say how I got a hold of that because the Vatican might be upset and I am trying to become canonized.  And while we are on the topic of religion, I once wrote an article about something I read on Revelife.  I am thankful I no longer read Revelife.  That is what made me quit.

One of the proudest moments I have had while on Xanga was the birth of my goddaughter.  So that makes me a true Padrino.

Now I have to conclude with a final link, the introduction to one of my co-bloggers who helps me answer your questions from time to time. 

Overall, Xanga has been one wild ride.

This is Green Velvet, he's a DJ and he makes outstanding music.  He made this song with messages from his answering machine.  The rumor has it that one of those messages isn't real.  I have yet to figure out which one isn't real.

Sometimes I think Weezer wrote this song about me...not that I am bragging.

So what does the future have in store?  Easy...more irreverant humor and picking on celebrities.  Yes, I didn't include my celebrity round up because I think most of you know those by now.
I'll probably include a few photos of my cats in the future.

I have taught this cat, Kiki, to speak Italian.  Here she has mastered the phrase, "Hey you, shut uppa your mouth."  Italian is really a language of subtleties.

I still haven't got lua out of that box.

And now for what I said I have only done two times before.  I can't find the first one but here is the second:

Yes that is a 15 or 16 year old me in my football attire.

And here I am a grizzled old man who in the picture hadn't shaved and has hat hair.