I am so scared.  I had a puddle of water in my car and five folding chairs in my back seat.  I think I am sleep-walking again.  I don't know when the chairs got there but quite possibly the water could have been there because a seal on my door wasn't tight.  Oh well, I need to figure out where I got these chairs. 

1.  I was reading an article today about how a cookbook was promoting itself because of the oil spill and lack of oysters.  The cookbook claims that the secret ingredient tastes just like oysters and has the same texture.  Can you guess the secret ingredient?  Yes, it's semen.  I just want to know who decided one day to taste-test semen and oysters.

2.  This game is called Canabalt.  It is quite easily the most addictive game on the internet.  Maybe it's addictive because I suck.  My personal best was 1690m.

3.  Here's a collection of ridiculous senior portraits.  If the people who took my senior portraits would have let me pose the way I wanted, I would have ended up on that list.  My idea was to pose with a newspaper and my rifle.  They said that I may be visited by the FBI or Secret Service if I did that pose.

4.  Cats are amazing creatures.  They are so independent and sleep all the time and...well that's about it.  But for being such independent minded animals they sure like it when people pile stuff on them.  My cats don't like me to touch them while they sleep so I can't pile anything on them.

5.  Here's a blog called Stuff No One Told Me.  Some of that stuff would have come in handy in my life.  Oh well, I'll have a few beers and get over it.

6.  Freud said something about seeing penises and having cock on the mind but I think these really are accidental.

7.  Here's a fun little quiz from mentalfloss: Presidential Nickname or Professional Wrestler.  Here's how big of a nerd I am, I scored a 100%.

8.  Do you remember Care Bears?  Do you know what a hipster is?  Well this site combines the two with hilarious results. 

9.  Are you trying to decide on which religion you should belong to?  Do you realize that I speak with horrible Wisconics(the language of Wisconsin were it is common to end sentences with prepositions)?  Well here is a quiz where you can discover which religion you should consider.

10.  I find it hard to believe that there is a national mustard museum but what I don't find hard to believe is that it is in Wisconsin.  And here it is.   If you are in Wisconsin and planning on getting married, they host weddings.  A local tv station aired some of the wedding ceremony.  The song the bride walked the aisle to was sung to the tune of "On Wisconsin" and involved talking of love and mustard.

11.  Who is the cutest Xangan?  It's a 100% accurate.

12.  And because I love this site so much and because I am so lonely, here's girls eating ice cream cones.

I guess my last post wasn't satirical enough or maybe people just needed to know whom I was satirizing.

Come on, ESPN!