I know some of my readers are atheists but I don't know how you could deny the existence of Satan.  How else could you explain MTV programming over the past 15 years?  How about more shows that glorify teen pregnancy?  I think there is still some work to do before all the producers sell their souls to Satan.

The downside of Lindsay Lohan being incarcerated is that the illegal drug economy will collapse.  If she has to join a prison gang, I'm sure it will be the Bloods for obvious reasons.  She won't have to worry about getting shanked in the showers but she'll probably get scissored. 

When I grow up I want to be a pillow.  They get to lie in bed all day and get head all night long.

When I kill myself my suicide note will have three words: Nickelback Rock Band

I may not be on any NFL fantasy teams but I'm sure there are a few ladies out there that fantasize about me.

Your weekly dose of motivation:

In my family tree I think I am the sap.

Ordinary people live and learn.  I just live.

Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way.  I can't wait to look in the mirror 'cause I get better looking each day.  To know me is to love me, I must be a helluva a man.  Oh Lord it's hard to be humble, but I'm doin' the best that I can.

I hear this next one every single commercial break on the local channels.

I love me some Clutch

Bach is better than Justin Bieber.

Sometimes, I feel like the lone french fry in a box of onion rings.