I know you're saying to yourself, "But he already did one of these posts this week."  I know.  I have so many links backed up and I have to share before they die out.  I'm a giving blogger.  I care about your needs and you need to read these and have multiple laughs, multiple laughs that I can't always give you.  Weird...I think I said that to an ex but about something else.

1.  Hi, I'm the GodfatherofGreenbay.  You might remember me from such Xanga entries as "Lost Love", "Motivation", "Lukewarm Links 9/30" and of course "Celebrity Round-Up".  I thought I'd share with you this link that lists the title to every single Troy McClure movie that is mentioned in The Simpsons.  Yes, I love it because I am a gigantic nerd.

2.  Prepare to be amazed at the most rented movies on Netflix.  I was honestly expecting more Disney.

3.  How can you handle THE REVOLVING INTERNET?  I found it fairly easy but then I don't suffer from motion sickness.

4.  Since I am alone and probably will be for quite some time, I have thought about buying a Fleshlight.  If you don't know what that is, I suggest doing a Google search while no one is looking.  I think that the novelty of having a Fleshlight may wear off with the monotony of it all so here is a handy site that shows alternate uses for Fleshlights.

5.  I vaguely remember Glamour Shots advertising when I lived near the Mall of America.  The people in the ads looked interesting.  Here is a collection of some of the best.  Do you have Glamour Shots?  Please share them. 

6.  Antoine Dodson has really cashed in on his viral video.  He even has a costume for this Halloween.  Be the first on your block to dress as Antoine Dodson for Halloween.  Look what comes with the costume.  A ROLLED UP PAPER!  SOLD!

7.  I read an article on Datingish a few days or so ago and it talked about group masturbation.  Apparently it is widely practiced thing.  Here are a list of some of the best Craigslist ads for men searching jack off partners.  I think I am going to not be able to look the guy who runs the model railroad museum in town in the eyes ever again because I know it's all just a front for group masturbation.

8.  Guys, are you trying to find a special gift for your significant other and have run out of ideas?  Well let Erial Ali help.  He or she will take a photo and make it celestial.  Trust me, you have to check this out.  I think I have all my Christmas presents bought now.

9.  I found this collection to be arousing.  It matches Hollywood stars with their porn star look alike. 

10.  We've had LOLCats, now prepare yourself for LOLSlater.  It's a collection of some hilarious Saved by the Bell moments.  I like the ones for September 30th especially the New York stereotype.

11.  How long can you stand Chicken on a Raft?

12.  I've been late in sharing the next link and I've felt even worse knowing that I have shared photos from this site without explaining it.  Anyway, Inception gave birth to a great meme...the Strutting Leo.  Can you keep a secret?  I haven't seen Inception yet nor have I seen Avatar.  I am a freak.

Me: Cocky, what did you think of my last post?
Cocky: Well it was OK.
Me: Just OK?
Cocky: It wasn't like you were strutting around displaying your tail feathers.
Me: Well I don't have any tail feathers to display.
Cocky: That's right the doctors removed those when you were born
Me: It's time to hear from our sponsor.

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Me: Cocky, are you ready?
Cocky: Yeah, I'm cocked, locked, and ready to dispense my knowledge amongst other things.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
My two great passions in life are art and science. These are supposedly very divergent fields of human endeavor, but I personally do not think so; I think they are quite complimentary. And yet, the kind of people who gravitate towards these two areas tend to be completely at odds with each other. Now, I have dated an atheistic intellectual as well as a free spirited artistic type and both seemed doomed by design. What kind of "type" might a person like me be searching for, if any?
                                            Dateless in DeSoto
Me: Depending on how passionate you are towards either medium as well as the person you are dating will determine your compatibility. Now, when you say doomed, I take it that either you or that person have let the polarizing differences take over your relationship. It's important to hold onto your beliefs and passions but be able to understand that differences are to be expected in a relationship. As long as you enjoy each other on other levels and are friends first, it doesn't matter what type you find because love truly does end up conquering all.
Cocky: I'm glad you touched on an important danger that will consume the world soon. Artists and Scientists are at odds with each other and a war is looming on the horizon. Beakers will be thrown, canvases flung... the bloodshed and carnage will be overwhelming. All that will be left will be us fowl to peck at the remaining bodies for sustenance as... *ahem.* I say date a Day dancing stripper. They are needy for attention and tend to try anything once.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
Are you single? Because I think I love you. I know, that's so wrong, but love conquers all, no?
                                          Curious in Cashton
Me: Love does conquer all except stage four cooties.
Cocky: I tend to make a lot of noise in the morning, that's not an issue is it? If not, I should have my own facebook page soon, so.. you know.. you got a car? I don't. Uh... we'll talk more later.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
Why do you need a cock to help you out?  Are you always going to call this column Questions with the Godfather and his Cock?
                                         Stupid in Sparta
Me: What guy doesn't need a cock to help him out of a tough situation?  I did alter the title a little bit because we don't dispense just advice.  I answer questions of all sorts.  What name would you have us go by?  I mean, Hall and Oates is already taken.
Cocky: How about we start going by Cocky and Tubbs as a tribute to Miami Vice?  I mean the Godfather is a tub of lard so his name is fitting.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
Is it normal that my friend wants to have sex with my guitar?
                                         Guitar Lover in Galesville
Me: NO!  These questions are just getting worse and worse.  I think it’s time to close down the formspring.
Cocky: NO!  Don’t close it.  I have a feeling this question could make us money.  We could become a new act like Weird Al but our songs would be dirty.  The song that comes to mind…”While My Guitar Gently Skeets”

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I heard George Lucas is going to re-re-release the Star Wars saga but this time it will be in 3D.  I just get the feeling he isn't doing this for the fans any longer and it's about the almighty dollar.  Do you think he stands behind them and do you stand behind the Stars Wars movies?
                                         Star Wars Lover in Star Prairie
Me: I think over time episodes 1 through 3 have grown on me and I can fully appreciate them.  So like George Lucas, I totally stand behind them.
Cocky: How fitting!  You and George Lucas are so fat that you both stand behind everything

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I was recently pulled over by the police and I had an open can of Foster’s in my hand.  What should I have said to get out of any fine?
                                    Pulled Over in Potosi
Me: Well I can’t help you since I do not believe in drinking and driving.  You are putting your life at risk as well as the lives of every other motorist on the road and I forget about pedestrians and home owners.
Cocky: Pussy.  If the cop asks you questions just say you contribute to DARE.  That got the godfather out of a few tickets.  If that doesn’t work you look in that cop’s face and say “My speech isn't slurred, I'm just speaking cursive."

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
Was Bad Bad Leroy Brown REALLY the baddest man in the whole damn town? I mean, come on, the WHOLE town?
                                    Meanie in Merrimac
Me: Well I think that because it was a song there is no Leroy Brown but for the sake of argument, yes, he was the meanest in the whole damn town.
Cocky:  No, he wasn’t.  There was a rooster that I heard of down on the south side of Arcadia that survived the slaughterhouse numerous times. He killed numerous workers that tried to kill him.  One time they decided to fry him alive but all the oil didn’t phase him any and he jumped up and pecked out the eyes of all the factory workers.  Yeah, the dude was a badass.  I think his name was Hahn von Huhngeschlecht.  I saw him a few weeks ago.  He had on an old German army helmet and was wearing a monocle in the eye that he lost in a fight with Shaquille O’Neal.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
How do you tell your girlfriend you want have her get some fake titties without hurting her feelings?
                                    Implants in Ironton
Me: There is no way you could go about doing that without hurting her feelings.  You should love your girlfriend for who she is and accept everything about her.
Cocky: Don’t listen to the hippy.  What you do is this: pour maple syrup all over her breasts and when she asks why, you say you thought you were eating pancakes.

Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I have a friend that has a blog entirely devoted to her vag!na and I really want to ask her out, but because of this blog I am unsure.  I also have a had time saying the word vag!na or the variations there of.  Don't get me wrong, I have lots of feelings for them, first is sheer adoration.  Like most guys, from emerging from one at a fairly early age I've spent a great deal of time and effort trying to become re-acquainted with them - not the original.  Do you guys have any thoughts? 
                                                          Ham Wallet Lover in Hennepin
Me: I hope you know that your feelings for that part of the anatomy are normal and healthy for a straight male. Make sure your time and effort are spent romancing the lady attached to said hoo-ha so you have a better shot at going forward with your desires.
Cocky:  I understand the need to censor yourself when it comes to the vag*na. That is why I always use the good old standard "meat canoe." I recommend to slyly approach that lovely lady you see and introduce yourself politely, followed with the phrase, "Do you have a mirror in your pocket?" If she has already heard that one and answers for you with "Cause you can see yourself in my pants?" Be sure to quickly retort: "No, cause I heard you are doomed if you look at Medusa directly so I want to be ready when I meet your mom." High five the bartender then go home, but not before you stop at the naughty store and pick up some Asian cheerleader porn.

OK, I plan on timestamping this.  I am warning you ahead so if you are a challenged Xangan and don't understand the mysticism behind the dreaded timestamp, DO NOT BEGIN TO BELIEVE THAT I AM HARASSING YOU!  I just want all people to enjoy the wisdom I dispense with my cock.

If you have a question for myself or Cocky you can either email here at Xanga or at advicewithcocky@gmail.com or ask us over at Formspring.  Please email me so I can keep being proactive on this totally outrageous paradigm.