My computer is weird.  It will work for 10 to 20 minutes and then it shuts down by itself and I have to wait for 10 to 20 minutes before I can turn it on again.  I have always had a difficult time turning things on be they female or electrical.  Today I was inspecting my dad's car and I got shocked.  He hit a deer Tuesday night/Wednesday morning.  It didn't do as much damage as what I thought when he described it to me.  Half of his grill is gone, the plastic covering the headlight and turn signal is gone on the passenger side, the panel just below the hood is cracked, and there are scratches all over the hood.  Apparently, he rammed the deer in the ass in a non-sexual manner.  It ran out of the ditch and tried to outrun him and he couldn't brake fast enough and he hit the deer in the ass and it landed on his hood and the antlers scratched up the paint.  He's lucky the deer hit on the passenger side and the deer didn't come through the windshield.  My grandparents had a neighbor that died from hitting a deer with his car.  He hit a 12 point buck and the deer came through the windshield and the antlers pierced the guys throat and he bled out.  That's a gory way to go.  I also knew a hunter in this area that was killed by a deer during hunting season.  He shot at the deer and thought he killed it with one shot because it dropped down.  He ran to the deer to tag and dress it but he noticed that there wasn't any blood.  He said, "What the hell, I'll field dress it anyways." His 13 year old son was so proud that his dad brought down a huge deer.  Dad asked for the special hunting knife that had been passed down for generations in their family.  He takes the knife and is about to insert it into the deer's nether regions so he grabbed a hind leg.  He raised the knife and told the son how this was going to give them a lot of meat for the winter.  As he was bringing the knife down, the deer raised it's head.  Turns out that the shot went over the deer and it fainted.  The deer didn't like a human holding on to his hind leg so he kicked at the hunter and took off and ran.  The hunter was kicked in the stomach and held his stomach because he was in horrific pain.  He took his hand off the wound and his intestines came out.  The deer field dressed the hunter.  The dad fainted and his 13 year old son put leaves and grass over the wound to stop the bleeding and then drug his father to their truck about a mile away.  The kid then drove a stick shift to the hospital.  Doctors estimated that the father died before he hit the ground.  So when I opened the hood I got an electric shock.  I don't think it was from faulty wiring but maybe because the headlight was exposed.  I then opened the window and I got shocked again.  I am finally discovering that I am destined to be the Greek god of modern electricity efficient appliances.  ALL MUST BOW TO THE MIGHTY MATEO!  I was also visiting the local Dollar General or the General as I call it because I want to make it seem all covert and militant as in "I went to the General to get my weekly allotment of prophylactics and KY Intrigue."  The GodfatherofGreenBay officially recommends KY Intrigue.  A mother was was shopping with her two children.  A boy who appeared to be 4 or 5 was looking at me and I felt uncomfortable so I said to him "Es zittern die morschen Knochen".  He ran.  Then while waiting in line I saw another mother with two children enter the store.  She put her approximately two year old daughter in the seat of the shopping cart and her 4 year old son tried to climb in the cart over the side.  Obesity is such an epidemic because the kid tipped over the cart and the mother couldn't lift it.  That kid wasn't that large.  I would say he was average but I bet a doctor would point to some chart and say the kid was obese simply because he tipped over a cart and to be truly healthy in this country one must be malnourished.  I couldn't help because I had shopping carts blocking my path.  I would have helped without even thinking of getting a beej as a thank you.  After I paid for my gift bag, birthday card, tissue paper, and Coke Zero, I walked to the car and saw a distressed motorist trying to figure out how to jump start his car.  "Not today my good man, I've been shocked twice today and won't risk a third time."  I hope my journey to my goddaughter's house goes swimmingly.  Her birthday was the 15th and she's now two.  How time flies!  My mom made her a dress.  Well it was supposed to be for Christmas LAST YEAR but my mom was embarrassed by it because she made it too large.  Wait 10 months and it will fit.  Oddly enough one of my last girlfriends said that.  I also bought my goddaughter 3 dresses last night and then two others this summer.  She will be a fashionista.  And how is your day?  My head feels like it is about to explode and not that one pervert.  I was having a conversation with someone one Facebook about hipsters.  I think I could re-write Mein Kampf but instead of anything related to Jews, I'd replace it with hipsters.  We need a cleansing.




Wild...indeed.

It appears as if it's time to feed Gary Busey.

OMG...there's no f in way.

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month...actually this is The Constipation.  He's the equivalent to The Situation on RFD's new show called Trailer Park Shores.

You should really try this and record yourself attempting.  You could be one of the few that can do this.

The saddest thing about this is that he lost.

I think it has to be more than 4 ounces to be considered succulent.

Well, that seems fitting.

Have a great and sober night.