Day: November 4, 2010

  • The Happiest Day of My Life

    I have opinions.  The first is that I am cooler than Liquid MDMA and K2 combined.  The second is that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.  And finally I am an asshole.  Thanks to everyone for being Minnesota nice to me.  November 3rd, 2010 was the greatest day of my life.  It was the first day in my life that I ever started crying against my will for the sheer joy of how happy I was.  Once that happened I knew I wasn't going to be depressed again but it took watching a pro-wrestling show to know that I would be forever alone.  The next time I'm asked when was the last time you cried, which was when my mom's brain blew up by an aneursym, I can say it was November 3rd, 2010. I took a photo of myself when I cried my tears of joy and my camera exploded due to my sheer joy and ugliness so then I went to write on a piece of paper: "Life isn't about having a lot of fun and being really, really, really, cool; life is about making people happy.  Hi, my name is Matt and I make people happy."  Then I gave that piece of paper to someone that I thought was special but they were just Minnesota nice or in other words an asshole like myself..  I threw my cellphone away and planned a trip to Maine but I didn't make it there.  PCP saved my life!
                    Love,
                          Matt
    P.S.  The word "love" doesn't necessarily mean shit to me.
    PPS or PSS I like PSS better...My mom may or may not be dead and the Wisconsin Badgers' defense feeds on opponents fears of inadequecy and I have a small weiner.

  • PCP Saved my Life and Raised my Standards

    My list of superficial contingencies I will not date a girl:
    If she does not wear glasses.(not including sunglasses)
    If she smokes crack.
    If she's to dumb.(low intelligence)
    If she's to air-headed.(low wisdom)
    If she's too introverted.
    If her only hobby is "shopping"
    If she's too unmotivated.
    If she's too selfish and self-centered.
    If she doesn't drink at all.
    If she drinks to much...
    If she's not faithful enough.
    If she's too pretty.
    If she's too ugly.
    If she's not creative enough.
    If she's not expressive enough.
    If she's not mean and crazy enough while being affectionate and caring enough.
    If she's not passionate enough.
    If she's doesn't like to get dirty with me and only me enough.

    I will not do any internet dating sites because they are nothing more than prostitution services.