Day: December 29, 2010

  • Motivation

    Here we go...oh my culture post will be delayed so bare with me...that's right, tits or gtfo.

    I am really hating how I can never find anything when I need it and then the police find it when I don't need it and call me a bad father.

    Sex and Relationship Advice:

    -Make 2011 a year to remember, make eye contact with that special someone.
    -If you love someone, never let them go.  They may feel betrayed if they ever come back.
    -Guys it's ok if you make a girl scream during sex but it's not ok if she's screaming for help.
    -Guys if you forgot to get that special someone a Christmas present, don't worry there's always Valentine's Day but that's only if she doesn't deem you pathetic because you didn't buy her a fucking Christmas present.  What the fuck is wrong with you?  Seriously?  Well if you fit into that category get your girl a pair of Pajama Jeans.  They're the official jeans of dry humping and late night Walmart shoppers.
    -If your significant other claims you're a stalker just tell them that you're bad with goodbyes
    -Order your ginger ale with 100% real redhead
    -Nothing says "I love you" like a gym membership
    -If you're having a hard time getting a girl to return your phone calls, tell everyone she has herpes.
    -If your significant other doesn't love you then you aren't lying enough.
    -If your significant other accuses you of not being able to multitask tell them that your an expert because you think of someone else during sex.
    -Do I want to date a girl whose carpet matches the curtains?  I guess I'd have nothing against dating a bald girl.
    -Bringing food into the bedroom is a good way to change routine.  This way you have your woman serve you in a new room.

    I went to the theater today and was severely disappointed to see that Little Fockers was not midget porn.  Then I was going to go see Tron but I realized I wasn't a virgin living in my mom's basement.  I decided on the Chronicles of Narnia because I'm a virgin that lives in his mom's upstairs and has daily Bible readings.

    How the hell does Carson Daly keep getting work?  Hasn't he died an excruciating death from AIDs yet?

    And now your weekly dose of motivation:






    If Poland had dance flash mobs in 1939, they would have held off the Nazis.

    My hand is such a whore but that's only because you can't love someone unless you love yourself.

    If my math is correct, the cast of 16 and Pregnant could be on another MTV series in a few years called 30 and a Grandparent.

    I don't think it's fair that when women gain weight their boobs get bigger but when men gain weight our boobs get bigger.

    I am willing to put money down on the fact that Oprah and Tyler Perry is the same person.

    Why doesn't Scotch tape get me drunk?

    Our society isn't progressing like so many people think.  It's almost 2011 and there are people out there that refuse to tolerate lactose.