and look at these fucking cats.  IT'S CATURDAY!

OK, needed to get that out of my system before the game.

Hey, it snowed tonight.  I think we've had about 3 or 4 inches.  The best part was I forgot I had to do some work at my aunt's house while she is on vacation.  I drove through that mess.  I think my top speed was about 40.  I also think I saw a cougar, the animal not the insatiable older lady.  On the way home a pick-up passed me.  I was doing 40 and the roads were horrible but this guy was in a rush and I figured out why, he is a volunteer fireman.  I pulled over to let a few others pass.  Then I parked in the parking lot of a Subway/Dollar General to get my supper.  Then it happened, a fire truck left the station and slid right into a ditch.  I was laughing but I stopped when I realized that someone could be stuck in a car accident or burning house.  Thanks, Captain Bringdown.  Some photos may not be safe for work or life...NSFW and NSFL.

Guess what?  Zac Efron stopped shaving his beard.  Vanessa Hudgens took him back.  What the hell is wrong with her?  The guy cheats on her with anything that has a pulse and a dick and he wears more make-up than RuPaul.  I guess this means he's back in the closet or trying to get a big role. 

Victoria Beckham announced that she is pregnant.  I guess that means she's starving herself for two.  Hopefully this child will be a daughter so she can teach someone in her family how to properly insert a finger into the back of the throat and then go on stage and sing for all she's worth.  She's been having cravings and she indulges on these cravings so now she considers herself fat.  She has been spotted staring twice as long at food and ice water.  She's hopeful that she can lose weight during the pregnancy.  God...I am so fat.  I need some thinspo.

Golden Voice, Ted Williams, got into a fight this week with an estranged daughter who demanded money now that he has new found fame.  He was detained by police.  He then went on the Dr. Phil Show and Dr. Phil convinced Ted to head to rehab.  I really want to be a fan of this story but there is just something not right.  I think this has to be the quickest rise to fame fall from fame story.  As sick as it may sound, I want to hear him cuss me out in his golden voice.  How awesome would that be?

Earlier this week that religious restaurant guy posted a story about how people were up in arms about how Stephanie Seymour was holding her son in an obscene manner.  The thing is, it forced Seymour's son to take to Twitter and announce to the world that he's gay.  Well, the restaurant guy didn't post this photo that shows Stephanie Seymour's son sporting wood.  Can you blame him?  Any orientation would be turned on by her and that flesh colored bikini.

Bless her little heart!  Snooki is trying to prove to us that she knows how to read.  Almost there, sweet heart.

While on this book tour, Snooki has said that she does not want to be called Snooki any longer.  Hmmm what should we call her?  I got it!  Cum Dumpster.  Wait...that's probably a little too harsh and offensive.  Hmmm...Cum Ditch.  For hence forth, Snooki will be called Cum Ditch.



Olivia Munn graced the pages of the recent issue of Maxim.  The cover caused quite a stir and some stores will not carry the issue unless it is put in special wrap.  The funny thing about the photos and cover is that Olivia shows off more skin in Maxim than she did in Playboy.  I think God is finally hearing my prayers.

Olivia also was on Letterman this week.  I heard that she was bizarre but that's her.  She totally faked being a nerd and it hooked me and now I love her.  Sigh...I am really lonely.  Anyone?  Anyone out there?  Please?  I'm house broken.

People claim that Miley Cyrus has turned into a stoner and that the video of her allegedly smoking salvia was actually marijuana.  Miley was spotted with a group of friends at a restaurant this week and they couldn't decide what they wanted to eat so Miley ordered everything off the menu.  People say that this is the action of a marijuana addict suffering from the munchies.  That's bullshit.  A stoner would stay at home and eat a few bags of Doritos.  Who cares if she smokes weed?  She's in L.A. where the only thing they are concerned about is getting an NFL team.  The Los Angeles Vikings...that has a nice ring to it.  You don't think a team from Minnesota could wind up in L.A.  Then obviously you don't understand the meaning of the Lakers' nickname.

Michael Douglas received good news and Jesus received bad news.  Doctors said that his cancer is gone so now they will have to find some other angel to play Gordon Gekko in heaven's adaptation of Wall Street.  Michael is now cancer free and recovering.  He says he wants to gain 30lbs.  Well if he wants to do it in a a couple of days he should contact Kirstie Alley.

Speaking of Kirstie Alley turned 60 this week.  No shit, 60.  I had to look it up myself because I couldn't believe it.  I hope she has a happy birthday and Xenu keeps her away from the cake.  That's not a fat joke, that's a Jenny Craig joke.

Lindsay Lohan is cured!  Actually...no.  She has already been spotted hanging out in bars.  In fact these photos were taken as she was exiting.  I bet she was there reading to blind orphans who lost limbs due to land mines.  That Lindsay is such a humanitarian.

Either Lindsay has taken to blowing tailpipes because she heard that car exhaust is a great high or she's injecting her lips.  I don't get why people think this look is attractive.  Who likes that look?  Maybe I should try writing for Glamour and suggest that the to be "hot", women must wear gorilla suits and shave their heads bald.  I bet within two weeks of that article, we'd see hundreds of bald women in gorilla suits. 

Kim Kardashian took time off from a photo shoot to post this photo on Twitter.  I'm trying to figure out why she posted this for us.  Oh yes, it has to be in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day. 

Sigh...I'm lazy.  Insert your own John Travolta and fisting joke here.

I'm not narcissistic like some on Xanga but I think if I was given the chances Jimmy Kimmel has been given and had an army of personal trainers and make-up artists, I could be just as popular as he is.

Jay-Z lived up to stereotypes when he invested in a chicken wing business.  Come on, man!  You can't do that.  That's like an Asian guy investing in Hondas or a Russian girl working for a mail order bride company or white guys like me investing in Rohyphenol and twine.

This is Farrah Abraham.  She's one of the "moms" on MTV's teen mom mess.  See this is proof why MTV needs to set up trust funds or stipulate what the money they pay these kids goes for.  Farrah used her money to buy herself implants.  Every time I hear stories about the kids from MTV's teen mom mess, I want to walk to my kitchen, grab a soup spoon, and give myself a vasectomy.

Hey, Coco posted this on Twitter.  Believe it or not, Coco and I wear that same outfit for doing our housework.

Playboy released this photo on Twitter this week.  They said to guess which star was in this photo.  They claim that the girl on the right is Christina Hendricks.  NO!  If it is it must have been before her breasts got naturally massive.  It would devastate me if those were revealed to be fake.  Actually it wouldn't, I just kind of figured.  Sometimes I think about getting my own implant but I don't think they make an implant for guys.

This is Chris Evans as the new Captain America.  I don't really have any joke here because I am anxious for this movie.  But I guess you could say this one is for the ladies.

This is Andrew Garfield.  He is the new Spiderman.  The most shocking thing about him being the new Spiderman is his contract.  Tobey Macguire wanted a lot of money and Garfield was willing to work for lasagna.  Seriously, you try to write something better.  I've been doing these posts for years.  I deserve to take a bit off now and then.

This is Chet Haze.  He's an aspiring rapper who many claim will be the next Eminem.  OK so maybe not.  He's a small time actor who attends Northwestern University.  He recorded this song about his beloved Northwestern Wildcats.  When I listen to that I picture Barney dancing around blastin' caps in fools.  I really can't stand the song and his father is probably my least favorite actor so by the associative property, I can't stand Chet Haze.


Well it seems as if Charlie Sheen likes to have fun with the ladies.  The Adult Entertainment Expo was in Las Vegas last weekend and Charlie was there with bells on.  I said bells.  His bosses at CBS have been trying to get him to go to rehab but Charlie decided the best rehab was to pound vodka shots with porn stars.  Charlie ended up taking 4 women to his suite and mums the word on what happened.  At first the only woman reported to have had sex with Charlie was Bree Olson, winner of the 2008 Adult Video News award for best anal scene.  I guess this is pretty normal for Charlie.  As long as he's got cash in the bank, he's going to have porn stars on his jock.  I don't know if I believe he was a part of the orgy.  First off, Charlie is a notorious coke fiend and the rumor is that the coke has taken it's toll on his nether region.  Not all the Viagra in the world could help him get a raise.  If he had sex with any of the porn stars it'd be like them chewing on an old piece of steak without any teeth.  Also there weren't any reports of a full petting zoo in his suite.  Later on this week a second woman from Charlie's party was identified.  It was Bombshell McGee.  I think Charlie has gone too far with that one.  He could dress as a priest and try to pick up guys, he could grind up old Crocs and fashion them into dildos, he could make women vomit on him, and that wouldn't be as bad as Bombshell McGee.  So Charlie screwed 4 women?  To some guys that would be the event of a lifetime but to Charlie that's called a Tuesday.  I figure the next report we'll hear on this story will come from the free clinic or the CDC because they won't know what the disease is called.

WTF?  This is AnnaLynne McCord on the set of 90210.  She looks like she's in Avatar drag or is doing a walk of shame from a Smurf orgy.  My guess is that she decided to wear the sum total of all the make-up she's work up to this point in her life.

Say what you will about Amy Winehouse, like she's ugly, you wouldn't screw her with someone else's dick, you'd be afraid your dick would fall off, she scares small children, she looks like Gargamel, she scares large children, she smells, she scares the Hells Angels, a family of raccoons live in her vagina, she scares the mafia even though it doesn't exist, her saliva is banned as a narcotic substance, she has no morals, she has more tracks on her body than Amtrak has in America, she's gross, she eats her own boogers...say all that but you have to admit she has a great rack.

Video Section
It's nice to see Amy Winehouse perform again but in this video we find out why she didn't get a part in Black Swan.

Iceland is hosting a 3 day karaoke marathon.  If you listened to my vloggity vlogs then you'd know I am great at karaoke but I doubt I could clear out that fest.  Anyway, Bjork showed up and covered Joy Division.

I pulsed about it and here is the SFW trailer of The Simpsons Porno.  Seriously, it's safe.  It's on youtube and apparently you can't get nude in that site.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.